S04.E08: Week 4, Night 2

[OnceSane]

Quote

A new female arrival doubles her odds by liking both sexes; hopeful heartbreakers return to Paradise and target other women's men; a double-dater bails out to spend more time with the woman he's serious about; two bachelorettes storm out, cursing the close-knit couples who caused their downfall.

[Armchair Critic]

One of the twins likes Derek, I wish she would shake things up with him and Taylor but I'm sure it's not going to happen. The other likes Dean, being that he has been acting like a horny teenager she might stand a chance.

* edited to say I just read the synopsis above so sounds like the twins strike out and leave.

Wells is such a gossipy hen, it's a turn off.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Armchair Critic

[dizzyd]

Omg, can my life get any lower than this show!  How much longer is this fucking season anyway?

[saber5055]

This is the absolute WORST episode of this franchise EVER. Talk about bait-and-switch previews for an hour of total BS suckage. I was looking forward to something fun and instead I got a big "Gotcha, sucker!" from Fleiss. I HATED this show. WTH happened? This was 60 minutes of brain-numbing nothingness.

[Armchair Critic]

They are bringing Corinne and DeMario back again to rehash that mess? I agree with the posters above, this season is the worst.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Armchair Critic

[Ohwell]

Crap I was watching tennis and forgot this was even on tonight.  Can someone give me a brief synopsis of what happened?  Thanks!

[Ms Blue Jay]

Ok, I love (Jamie)?  She's sooooooo attractive and I love her attitude.  

The twins were honestly making me smile through the entire show until they referred to D Lo and Taylor as hoes.  Jeez.  They get really, really nasty.

[saber5055]

Next week: The SHOCKING finale! Ha ha ha. Right. And Corinne and Demario see and talk to each other FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE BIP! Yeah, Harrison, that's if you don't count Corinne hanging off of Demario and kissing him when they came out of some club last week. (TM TMZ)

[JenE4]

Dominique's rundown of "this couple" is the new "that couple": I totally thought she was going to say, "Amanda and Robby are the new Amanda and Josh."

I can't stand the twins. Everything about that was painful. I'm glad they got rejected by whom they considered the "reject" guys. Loved Jack Stone's rundown that the twins will go home, watch Frozen, and play with their fidget spinners. Accurate. Also liked Robby's response to the "F*ck all of yoooou!": an incredulous, "What did I do?"

What is a "rose pallapa"?!? Did Harrison just have an aneurism?

Edited to add: So a palapa is the actual Mexican name for the open-air, thatched roof structure where they have the rose ceremony.

Edited September 6, 2017 by JenE4
The More You Know!

[Rabithed]

Jack Stone, my hero!  Glad he realized he was wasting his time with the vapid twin(s). I like Christen, glad he chose to spend more time with her. 

Raven is not settling down anytime soon.  

[Armchair Critic]

Just now, Ohwell said:

Crap I was watching tennis and forgot this was even on tonight.  Can someone give me a brief synopsis of what happened?  Thanks!

I had this on in the background so didn't watch closely, but from what I saw they brought the twins in and they wanted Derek and Dean who turned them down. So they asked Tickle Monster (who she didn't want) and Jack Stone on a double date, at the last minute Jack Stone backed out because he wanted to stay with Scallop girl (Christen?) and that ticked the twins off and they left.

[dizzyd]

Now that I know there's soon to be an end in sight, I feel a little better. This show has been the worst display of the degeneration of our society.  Sure makes one feel hopeless to know this is the future.

[Ohwell]

Ok, thanks!  Sounds like I didn't miss much.

[rebeccalj]

7 minutes ago, Ohwell said:

Crap I was watching tennis and forgot this was even on tonight.  Can someone give me a brief synopsis of what happened?  Thanks!

A whole lot of nothing.

[JudyObscure]

Okay we've had lots of penis talk this year, which was pretty low in itself, but now we've had the twins letting us know they've compared parts and then telling us who has the best -- whatever -- I'm not sure they know the right names for things. This is all lower than I want to go.  I am 100 percent possibly not going to watch next year.

[srpturtle80]

Are the twins really that dumb or is it all an act? I'm going with the former. They drive me nuts.

I did not watch Rachel's season so I am unfamiliar with the majority of these guys. Why do they call Jack Stone a serial killer? 

[TiredMe]

The twins are unbearable. Calling the women shallow hoes? Not cool. And hypocritical. (Sorry couldn't resist!)

ive watched every episode this season barely looking up from my iPad. That's not a good sign. 

Jack Stone is hot.  I think he nad punched Robby because it was for cameras but I may be wrong. Robby looks like he could do with a few good punches to his nads anyway. 

[Live2Travel]

I like mindless TV and one of the reasons is to help me get my mind off serious stuff so I don't obsess about what's happening in the world and get overly depressed.  I guess now society's devolved enough that even crappy TV shows are mean-spirited and nasty.  This show at least had funny moments in the past...guess those days are gone.  Ugh. It's so bad I felt compelled to "delurk" and comment!! 

[saber5055]

Bless your heart, Live2Travel. I watch this show for the same reason, to escape from real life. But this season has been worse than real life. As dizzyd so aptly put it: "This show has been the worst display of the degeneration of our society. Sure makes one feel hopeless to know this is the future." Where do we go from here? At least next week Chris Harrison promises us a SHOCKING FINALE! *sarcasm*

[Ms Blue Jay]

25 minutes ago, srpturtle80 said:

Are the twins really that dumb or is it all an act? I'm going with the former. They drive me nuts.

I did not watch Rachel's season so I am unfamiliar with the majority of these guys. Why do they call Jack Stone a serial killer? 

Jack had a really, really, really awkward date with Rachel.  He'll randomly smile and flash those teeth at times where it seemed inappropriate.  Also, everyone always calls him by his full name, like James Bond.

HOWEVER..... now that I've seen how Wells and Dean seem on BIP as opposed to their nearly immaculate, adorable, vulnerable stints on The Bachelorette?  I think it might have been all editing.

The Twins comparing their vaginas was the weirdest.  

Edited September 6, 2017 by Ms Blue Jay

[jackjill89]

I never want to see those vapid twins on my tv again. Ever. WTF was that? I remember them being dim, but not so obnoxious on The Bachelor. They need to go far, far away. 

[srpturtle80]

Thank you, @Ms Blue Jay. So far, Jack (sorry, Jack Stone) is one of my favorites. I think he seems pretty normal, is attractive, has a good, normal job, and has pretty teeth. ?  

[bequialife]

1 hour ago, Live2Travel said:

I like mindless TV and one of the reasons is to help me get my mind off serious stuff so I don't obsess about what's happening in the world and get overly depressed.  I guess now society's devolved enough that even crappy TV shows are mean-spirited and nasty.  This show at least had funny moments in the past...guess those days are gone.  Ugh. It's so bad I felt compelled to "delurk" and comment!! 

Lol....how about watching 'Big Bang Theory', or old episodes of 'Columbo'....for some entertaining, mindless t.v.?!

[Rainsong]

A gift?  For me?  Just a one-hour show tonight?  You really shouldn't have.

Is there a bigger - if tacit - admission that this season has been a damp squib?  Find love?  These plonkers can't find the bathroom.

Would any other show's finale or penultimate episode be half the length of a standard episode?  Isn't that the antithesis of a climax?

Dominique describes the mood as interesting and intense.  Of course, these are the only two adjectives she seems to know so whether it's actually intense or interesting is up to the viewer to determine.  It doesn't seem intense for the Bippers who display the same sleepy, bored, impatient expressions they've had throughout.   God help the editor who is told to catch these people smiling because it occurs very rarely.

Jaimi arrives as tipped off yesterday.  She still has her corkscrew hair.  And her nose bullring.  Because male or female, straight, gay or bi we all are attracted to someone who looks in low lighting as if they've just sneezed and might need a handkerchief.  Aren't we?

Despite (planted) musings that Jaimi might pursue a female (does the female get a choice or is she expected to abandon heterosexuality upon request?), she goes the conventional route and chooses Diggy much to the consternation of Dominique.  Jaimi describes her brand of bisexuality as 'going with the flow, whoever I'm attracted to in the moment.'  It doesn't sound like proper bisexuality as much as it sounds like bone idle laziness and a pair of beer goggles always at the ready.  Diggy dutifully declares that he can understand her logic.  Logic?  What logic?!?  An illogical locking of lips follows.

The twins arrive and it is revealed they've moved to LA from Las Vegas.  It's always been rather suspect that two attractive, shapely girls living in Sin City couldn't find boyfriends especially given the transient nature of the tourist mecca with the added intrigue/curiosity/kink factor of identical twins.  They remain kooky and not very well read.  I admit they've grown on me and their double act in which one acts as the Greek chorus for the other's story or joke is mildly amusing.  Credit to the editors for allowing the camera to linger and get their full reactions and credit to the twins for tongues fully implanted in cheeks as they mock the entire shambles.

Unfortunately, the twins have been given a Kamikaze mission from which there is no safe return and the odds of success are long indeed.  They've picked out their crushes and are armed with a date card.  But hang on - if they know their target how can they claim not to know that each lad is heavily involved with a female already?  We learned in a previous season that despite their Vegas roots the twins don't drink (although Emily was coaxed into having a beer with disastrous results).  And so, having been predictably rejected by the objects of their affection, the stone cold sober twins lose the plot anyway by hoisting middle fingers and swearing extensively on camera.  They probably knew they were brought in strictly for comic relief but they never seem to take it all very seriously anyway.

Wells tries a bad Aussie accent he admits shifts into Scottish territory.

Danielle is trying mightily to get into the spirit of things but surely she looks at Dean and sees mutton dressed as lamb.  They will become near-strangers again when it's all over.  And speaking of over, it really IS over.  Last day.  Some look stunned.  Most look relieved - CH foremost among them.

And then...back in the room.  Or the studio, to be precise.  Lots of mouth-agape reaction shots from Bippers and gormless audience members.  An engagement ring shown on-screen - guess who?  CH utters a mild oath.  They are practically begging us to watch the Tell All episode even when there doesn't seem to be much to tell.

Oh God No.  It's Corinne & DeMario again:  The Final Conflict.  Corinne will play sweet, innocent and virginal - just don't mention the two dozen photos of her in the Daily Mail this week that showed her in the usual too-small bikini drinking, chain-smoking and cavorting with a male companion in - wait for it - Las Vegas.  DeMario wears a shirt that is a size too small even for his skinny frame and there are large puckered gaps between the buttons.  Will the other Bippers have the presence of mind to blame these two for interrupting the season and completely ruining the mood?

Edited September 6, 2017 by Rainsong

[kazza]

1 hour ago, Live2Travel said:

I like mindless TV and one of the reasons is to help me get my mind off serious stuff so I don't obsess about what's happening in the world and get overly depressed.  I guess now society's devolved enough that even crappy TV shows are mean-spirited and nasty.  This show at least had funny moments in the past...guess those days are gone.  Ugh. It's so bad I felt compelled to "delurk" and comment!! 

So well put, Live2Travel. In past seasons, there were annoying people but for the most part they weren't mean. I couldn't imagine anyone in this vapid, self-centered crew being as genuine and caring as Jade was to Carly when Kirk blindsided her.  

If anyone who is part of the selection process is reading this -- Ben Z for Bachelor. Bring Zeus. 

Come to think of it, Kaitlyn had a group of decent guys her season: Ben Z, Tanner, Jared (who, despite his own triangle scenario last season with Ashley I and Caila never succumbed to Dean-levels of d-bagging).

I didn't think the twins could get more annoying. 

Oh, and Jack Stone. Frozen and fidget spinners. (Anyone else thinks he looks a bit like Val from DWTS?)

It was a long hour. I was multitasking for what I thought was a long time when I saw it was still only half past. 

Edited September 6, 2017 by kazza

[Real4real]

Regarding Jack Stone being a serial killer--he had a way of lowering his chin and brow when he smiled that gave him a very creepy, almost evil appearance.  Maybe he worked on fixing that habit since I haven't seen him give that look on BIP.

[saber5055]

Rainsong, your recap is miles better than the real "thing" I watched tonight. Kudos. (And I love alliteration, even though none was used this time.)

[nutty1]

It's pretty bad when Robbie seems like the most normal dude there!

[Ms Blue Jay]

I loved when he piped up and said "What did I do?" to the twins.  I think he's too good for Amanda.  LOL

[Wandering Snark]

1 hour ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

The Twins comparing their vaginas was the weirdest.

The oddest was that it was like "Oh this is totally covered ground." as they both simultaneously agreed who had the better vagina.

I find the pissed off twins hilarious and saying "Turns out they are dating ugly, shallow whores." may have been the funniest thing from the whole season. Were I drinking I'd have done a spit take. Tasteless and uncalled for, but funny. Loved their revulsion at the fact that they had now become Scallop Fingers (which turned out to not be a vegetable...).

And then CH says 'The miracle is over, we're leaving Paradise!!' (again). But they won't DARE to leave us without trotting out 'The Two Who Ruined Paradise' one more time via a studio show. Something to really look forward to.

[TomGirl]

2 hours ago, JudyObscure said:

  I am 100 percent possibly not going to watch next year.

Hahaha, I get it! That comment by Derek was hilarious!!

[In2You]

This is my first and last season of BIP. Why is this show so boring? Why isnt it an actual competition instead of a cheesy parody?

[Stan39]

Dean- Even if he didn't handle the Kristina situation so horribly, he still wouldn't be the Bachelor. The show learned its lesson with farmer Chris, you need a bachelor who can speak complete sentences and express himself. Dean can only communicate by giggling and looking vaguely into the distance. 

 

Derek- Poor Derek. The show never really focuses on the couples so we haven't heard too much from him, but it was rather alarming how much of Taylor's psychology 101 class has worn off on him. He talks like I imagine cult followers do, saying how much he recognizes her feelings and blah, blah, blah. 

 

Amanda- only in BIP does a woman who will abandon her children whenever she thinks a camera is around somehow get to make fun of a woman who's greatest sin is... Liking scallops?

 

Jasmine - I'm so glad Matt game her his rose before leaving. I'd hate to miss all this wonderful material we've gotten from her. (Sarcasm)

 

Chris Harrison - Give the man props for somehow never breaking character no matter how much bs he spews. He somehow wants us to believe that the show is about finding true love, then (once everyone is in a happy relationship) has no problem encouraging the twins to come in and trash everything. ???

 

the twins - oi vey. This show is blissfully tone deaf to the times. It still thinks every man's fantasy is either twins or a virgin. I don't get the point of them, except they do point out what a waste it is to bring new people on at the end when nobody is available. 

 

Jack Stone and Christen - oddly enough my favorite couple. They've been made fun of all season, for some of the dumbest reasons. Meanwhile, they're probably two of the more normal, level-headed couples there who seem fun and can actually processs thoughts and emotions. And good on them for brushing off the immature comments and just doing their thing. 

[Flybutter]

Those interchangeable assholes (I'd say "vagina-holes," but apparently one is better than the other) and their overbites can go to hell. Their catty tear-downs of Jack Stone and Tickle Monster were beyond obnoxious. Those guys - an attorney and a physician, respectively, not to mention two of the nicest guys this season - could kill more brain cells doing Wells's lemon drop shots than those two bitches could grow in a lifetime. And their calling anyone on this show "shallow whores" is pretty rich...

 

I thought Taylor was making me stabby, but Dumb and Dumberer over there take me to a new level of fury.

 

ETA: Watching them get rejected, storm out, and girl-throw scallops at the empty walkway was the highlight of BIP for me.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Flybutter
Because one should always end on a positive note.

[HappyDancex2]

4 hours ago, Ohwell said:

Crap I was watching tennis and forgot this was even on tonight.  Can someone give me a brief synopsis of what happened?  Thanks!

You were the lucky one.  Go Venus.  And yay Sloane.

[piewarmer]

I think the seafood-based upgrades to the credits were the best part of tonight. Plus the Scallop Fingers chyron - was that its first appearance?

Edited September 6, 2017 by piewarmer

[backformore]

"the Twins!  They're HOT!"  

Really?  they've got hair that's straightened and extended and dyed yellow, whitened teeth that jut out just a little too far, and a ton of eye makeup.  Along with almost matching off-the-shoulder dresses that look like they're falling off.   these twins aren't even real people.  They are a collection of body parts.

But "hot"?   No, I don't see it.  I think the "hotness"  the guys are seeing is just some weird male fantasy of being in bed with two girls at once.   Most of the women on this show are better looking than the twins.   And it's pretty clear they have one brain cell, and take turns using it. 

  Here's a conversation that most women have never had:  "Oh what a pretty vagina! I wish mine was as pretty as yours!"  

[mertensia]

The twins's dumb blonde shtick will wear out in like  3 years. I foresee a future as bitter alcoholics if they don't hook sugar daddies to marry.

[alexa]

I thought the twins brought some life to the show even though they have their issues of course.  I did think the guys could have just had some fun and gone on a fun date, so that was kind of dumb to have it end the way it did.  It is BIP, not everyone will actually get married after being there type show.  And I do agree that it is a waste of time to have people come in so late in the game if they are going to pretend an actual relationship could take place from this show.  Just go ahead and bring everyone on at once in the beginning...it might actually allow some mingling.

[snarts]

This used to be my favorite guilty pleasure Summer show, but this season was awful. I deleted the episode with 20 minutes left.

They need to re-tool it.  Bringing people in just to stir up the pot with a week left is old.  Having people couple up just to get the Neil Lane diamond (knowing that they'll break up immediately after filming) is old.  The resort and all the sweaty faces is old.  

I recommend a return to Bachelor Pad.  Equal number of guys/girls.  Make it a contest for money. 

[TheFinalRose]

Sweeter words were never heard, by cast and audience alike, than those of Chris Harrison saying "BIP ends tomorrow."  Except for the twins throwing scallops and cusswords around liberally, no one besides Deanie Baby (Corinne and DeMario don't count because we never saw them do anything) really acted that egregiously. Instead they were all bored to death. But seriously, have you ever seen a show where so many famehoes just got up and left a free paid vacation on the beach? Unlike us, they were living it and couldn't tivo through the boring parts.

Whenever I see Taylor smile it's because I think she's imagining thousands of new Instagram followers and a televised wedding ala Jade and Tanner, and not because of her love for Derek. Unfortunately for her, I don't think Bachelor nation can get over their first impression of her as the snobby, full of herself mental health counselor she gave us on Nick's season. And who needs Derek when we have John Krasinski and Emily Blunt in real life? Too bad for us, though, as I foresee a long road ahead of Chris Harrison trotting them out on his after shows.

But I imagine no one can be more bummed out by her stay in paradise than Amanda. Zero camera time and Robby as the booby prize. Even the editors appear to be done with her, so I can safely assume she'll be watching the Bachelor Winter Olympics from her sectional. 

All that's left for us now is the inevitable unveiling of Peter as the next Bachelor since BIP failed to turn any of these frogs into a franchise-worthy prince. Wells, Ben Z, Ziggy, the Tickle Monster, etc. all failed to achieve what Nick did so effortlessly. No one else seems able to carry a season like Peter will. So I fear we are headed for another very special sit down with Chris where Peter talks about all the weeks of self-reflection he's gone through since breaking up with Rachel, sitting on his bathroom floor curled up in the fetal position, and how he's grown since then and is now willing to take a chance and let his walls come down because he's seen how the process really works. You can bet for the first time they put a clause in his contract that he has to get engaged before they give him the gig.  

[NoWhammies]

So glad to see the twins have matured and are much less horrible people than they have been in the past. 

I have a newfound love for Jack Stone.

Edited September 6, 2017 by NoWhammies

[JoBeth70]

I laugh every time during Dean's opening credits. What was obviously supposed to  look like a playful spit take failed and it looks like he's vomiting water all over the the pool deck.

 

The twins are a "national treasure"? They are vile and arrogant. Please get off my screen. 

[Rainsong]

PS - Dim Dean is actually described as 'emotionally distraught' at the precise moment he's in the pool in the morning doing a tall shot of tequila and sucking on a lime.  No doubt the production crew were doing the same as they anticipated returning to the States.

[Cornhusker12]

This was probably the worst episode I've ever seen of a show I "like" enough to watch. The twins aren't good enough actresses to pull off what was OBVIOUSLY a producer plan to add some chaos to the mix. Their whole act has gotten so stupid and boring. They went from kinda ditzy goofy sisters in their actual season to pretending they don't know what Mexico is.

-

This whole season has been like a bizarre scenario of adults play-acting as a group of middle schoolers on vacation with no parents:

1. The boring couple who gets together and just lays on a couch together the whole time
2. The love triangle in which one girl gets too attached and threatened by the other girl, who the guy just thinks is hot
3. The guy in the love triangle not wanting to break up with either one so he just says "come on don't hate me, ugh poor me, don't hate me I just don't know" over and over
4. The whole scallop fingers thing which was not only completely unfunny the first time, but got beat into the ground over and over by a group of cackling "cool kids" to make fun of someone
5. The weird thing where all the girls took turns making out with Jack Stone and giggling together
6. The twins thinking it's cute/funny to pretend to be insanely dumb

There are probably so many other middle-school level shenanigans I can't think of right now, but good lord this season was just completely awful.

[backformore]

1 hour ago, Rainsong said:

PS - Dim Dean is actually described as 'emotionally distraught' at the precise moment he's in the pool in the morning doing a tall shot of tequila and sucking on a lime.  No doubt the production crew were doing the same as they anticipated returning to the States.

thanks for reminding me!  that was the highlight of the show.  The voice-over that Dean is distraught, while the video shows him doing tequila shots in the pool!  

32 minutes ago, huskerj12 said:

4. The whole scallop fingers thing which was not only completely unfunny the first time, but got beat into the ground over and over by a group of cackling "cool kids" to make fun of someone

that was really gross and bullying of them, especially when Amanda talked about it to a newcomer.   Her tone was "yeah, we call her scallop fingers, she's gross, don't be friends with her."  Amanda, junior high is over.  it's going to be time for you to teach your kids to NOT bully others, show by example. 

[HappyDancex2]

For the love of all things sane in the world, can we PLEASE....PLEASE....PLEASE....stop referring to a grown woman as "D. Lo?"

[Ohwell]

Eh, I don't see a problem with calling someone "D-Lo."  It's a stupid nickname, for sure (thanks, J-Lo!) but I don't see it having anything to do with whether one is grown or not.  

[Mabinogia]

10 minutes ago, backformore said:

that was really gross and bullying of them, especially when Amanda talked about it to a newcomer.   Her tone was "yeah, we call her scallop fingers, she's gross, don't be friends with her."  Amanda, junior high is over.  it's going to be time for you to teach your kids to NOT bully others, show by example. 

Yes, this show needs to be shown in schools as an example of exactly 100% how NOT to act. Between all the dick and vagina comparing, the worlds least funny joke (scallop fingers) and telling anyone who shows up all about it. WTF?

I give Christen a lot of credit for just going with it. "Yeah, I like scallops, yeah, I ate leftovers. Don't want to waste good food." Just like that, she is my Bachelorverse Hero, right beside her darling, Jack Stone. They are my supercouple now for just doing what they do and ignoring the morons. Jack Stone is a double hero for me right now, between not giving Alexis his rose after that crap bullshit and then dumping Thing One (or Two) for the girl he's gone one one date with. Jack Stone for King of Paradise!!!!

[portergirl99]

Edited September 6, 2017 by portergirl99