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The Handmaid's Quotes

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Offred: I want to tell her that Ofglen is not my friend, that I've exchanged barely fifty words with her in the two months since I got here. I kind of want to tell her that I sincerely believe that Ofglen is a pious little shit with a broomstick up her ass.

Offred: I don't need oranges. I need to scream. I need to grab the nearest machine gun.

Rita: Oranges and tuna. Sounds delicious.

Ofglen: This used to be an ice cream place. They had the most amazing salted caramel. It was better than sex. Like good sex.

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Offred: I'm not that kind of person.
Ofglen: No one is until they have to be.

Offred: Now there has to be an us because now there is a them.

Offred: Does [Nick] know what the commander and I did last night? Our illicit journey into the world of triple word scores?

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Offred: Now I'm awake to the world. I was asleep before. That's how we let it happen. When they slaughtered Congress, we didn't wake up. When they blamed terrorists and suspended the Constitution, we didn't wake up then either. They said it would be temporary. Nothing changes instantaneously. In a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it.

Moira: [Running]'s not good for me. Red wine is good for me.

Jeanine: Can I tell you a secret? I can do anything I want. I had a baby, a good one, so they don't care. I can do anything I want. I can have ice cream. It's only vanilla but I can have it. Do you want some?

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Nick: You can't change anything about this. It's going to end the same no matter you do what so there's no point trying to be tough or brave. Brave isn't any part of this. Everybody breaks. Everybody.

Luke: Should I just go in the kitchen and cut my dick off?

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Moira: "Posted"? You sound like Aunt Chlamydia.

Moira: I like to read while I take a dump.
Offred: If they catch you writing, you will lose a hand. It's not worth it.
Moira: Yeah, it is.

Offred: There's no such thing as a sterile man anymore. There are only women who are fruitful and women who are barren.

Offred: Nolite te bastardes carborundorum, bitches

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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Luke: So in college, did you and Moira ever...?
June: Did we ever what?
Luke: You know, did you ever...?
June: What? Do you think all girls go through a gay phase?
Luke: No, it's just you two are very close and you're both very attractive and in my experience, these things sometimes happen.
June: Your experience as a lesbian?
Luke: Alright, forget it.
June: Or your experience as a college girl?
Luke: I retract the question.

Serena: How do you feel? Do you feel any different?
Offred: You don't just feel pregnant thirty seconds after a man comes.

Commander: Lists of made up problems. No woman was ever rich enough, young enough, pretty enough, good enough.
Offred: We had choices then.
Commander: Now you have respect and protection. You can fulfill your biological destinies in peace.
Offred: Biological destiny?
Commander: Children. What else is there to live for?
Offred: Love.
Commander: Love?
Offred: Yes.
Commander: Love isn't real. It was never anything more than lust with a good marketing campaign.
Offred: Maybe for you but not for me.

Commander: Every love story is a tragedy if you wait long enough.

Commander: We only wanted to make the world better.
Offred: Better?
Commander: Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse for some.

Offred: May Day. Luke told me once where the term came from. It's French. M'aidez. Help me.

Serena: Some women can't handle the requirements of their position. They can't do what needs to be done. You understand what I'm saying?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Offred: How do you know [about the diplomats coming to visit]?
Ofglen 2.0: My commander - small dick, big mouth.

Jeanine: It looks kind of weird without all the dead bodies [hanging from the wall], doesn't it? I guess you get used to things being one way.

Offred: Red's my color.
Serena: That's lucky.

Castillo: Never mistake a woman's meekness for weakness.
Commander: Clever.
Castillo: Yes, it is. It's from A Woman's Place
Commander: My wife's book.

Castillo: I heard you speak once at a rally before the war. You were very passionate. You were arrested for inciting to riot, if I recall.
Serena: I had a temper in those days.
Castillo: Back then, did you ever imagine a society like this?
Serena: A society that has reduced its carbon emissions by 78% in three years?
Castillo: A society in which women can no longer read your book - or anything else.

Jeanine: It's not fair.
Aunt: You're absolutely right. But sometimes we have to do what is best for everyone, not what is fair.

Castillo: My country is dying.
Offred: My country is already dead.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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3 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Offred: How do you know [about the diplomats coming to visit]?
Ofglen 2.0: My commander - small dick, big mouth.

That wasn't Ofglen 2.0, that was a different Handmaid's (Janine's shopping partner; they haven't identified her by an "Of" name yet). Ofglen 2.0 is the "believer" who used to get fucked behind the Dumpster for some Oxy and a Happy Meal in her past life.

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Commander: I thought that we could do something different tonight.
Offred: Monopoly?

Offred: Who are all these people?
Commander: Officers, senior officials, and foreign visitors.
Offred: I meant the women.
Commander: All women who couldn't assimilate. Some were working girls before. That one over there, she's a sociology professor, or she was. We've got lawyers, a CEO, a few journalists. I'm told you can have quite a good conversation with some of them if what you feel like is talking. We've got quite a collection. They prefer it here.

Offred: Jeanine said you were dead.
Moira: You believed that crazy bitch?

Moira: You look like the whore of Babylon!

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On 05/17/2017 at 10:17 AM, chocolatine said:

That wasn't Ofglen 2.0, that was a different Handmaid's (Janine's shopping partner; they haven't identified her by an "Of" name yet). Ofglen 2.0 is the "believer" who used to get fucked behind the Dumpster for some Oxy and a Happy Meal in her past life.

Chiming in late. The name of that handmaid was Alma in the red center, IIRC.

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6 hours ago, NoSpam said:

Chiming in late. The name of that handmaid was Alma in the red center, IIRC.

Thanks.  Since they only are allowed to "walk" with one handmaid, and that's been whomever the current OfGlen was all along, I thought it was her.  Their looks, from what you can see inside the hats, are similar enough to be confusing.  At least to me.

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4 hours ago, Umbelina said:

Thanks.  Since they only are allowed to "walk" with one handmaid, and that's been whomever the current OfGlen was all along, I thought it was her.  Their looks, from what you can see inside the hats, are similar enough to be confusing.  At least to me.

I know. It's tough.

 

I only recognized her because I went back and rewatched the first episode right after I saw the wall washing episode.

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Offred: They never should have given us uniforms if they didn't want us to be an army.

Serena Joy: Praise be. He's answered our prayers.
Offred: You think I prayed for this? You think I prayed to bring a baby into this house?

Commander: You know the law.
Serena: Yes, I do. I helped write it.

Serena: You need to keep your hands off of [Offred]. I will not have her hanging from a ceiling or stepping in front of a truck. Do you understand me, Fred? You're going to control yourself.
Commander: Control myself? You brought lust and temptation back into this house on your back and on your knees. If I've sinned, then you led me to it.
Serena: You can blame me all you want, but he knows the truth. Everybody answers to God.
Commander: And you answer to me. Go to your room.

Handmaid: Oh, man. I hate stonings.

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Offred: Our Father, who art in heaven. Seriously? What the actual fuck?

Aunt Lydia: Girls, there is more than one kind of freedom. There is freedom to and freedom from. In the days of anarchy, it was freedom to. Now you are being given freedom from. That is a gift from God. Do not underrate it.

Aunt Lydia: Do you think you've done [Janine] a kindness? She could have gone to God quickly, surrounded by her friends.
Offred: Friends don't stone their friends to death.

Antonio: Agricultural economics in early modern Spain and Portugal. That's, um, that's sexy.

Offred: Don't get upset, Serena. It's bad for the baby.

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June: "Gilead knows no bounds," Aunt Lydia said. "Gilead is within you, like the spirit of the Lord." Or the commander's cock. Or cancer.

Emily: Hey, wait up! Jenna? You got a minute?
Jenna: Sure.
Emily: You know, you're smart. You belong here.
Jenna: Thanks.
Emily: Don't let some guy make you feel like your questions aren't valid.
Jenna: Okay. I'll try. That stuff gets better, right? Like in grad school?
Emily: Gawd, no.

Dan: This is an opportunity.
Emily: You're pulling me from the classroom.
Dan: You should think of this as an opportunity.
Emily: As opposed to what it is.

Dan: Do you have a picture of Syl and Oliver on your phone?
Emily: Of course.
Dan: That probably wasn't smart.
Emily: But I'm not going to hide my family.
Dan: I'm not asking you to.
Emily: You just did.

Dan: You know, I took all the pictures of Paul from my office.
Emily: I noticed. I thought you guys had a fight.
Dan: We did. A few. He says I'm a collaborator.
Emily: Paul's a drama queen. They can't scare us back into the closet.
Dan: I thought mine was the last generation that would have to deal with this bullshit. I thought all of you were so spoiled.
Emily: Not anymore. I'm teaching next semester. Sorry.
Dan: Welcome to the fight. It sucks.

Emily: Every month, you held a woman down while your husband raped her. Some things can't be forgiven.

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June: Women are so adaptable, my mother would say. It's truly amazing what we can get used to. I've been here for two months. What have I gotten used to?

Moira: Get yourself a plate. It's almost done.
Luke: Thanks, Mom.
Moira: Fuck you.
Luke: Whoa. My mom used to say the same thing.
Moira: Smart lady.

June: I'm grasping at straws, I know. But straws can be useful. One of the little pigs built a whole house of them.

June: Late, my Mom told me they were writing down the names of their rapists, and I remember thinking there were so many pieces of paper, so many. It was like snow.

Nick: You didn't wake me up.
June: Well, cause if I wake you, then you leave. So how is that a win for me?

Moira: It's a lot, I know. I was a zombie when I got here, and it was just like, "Welcome to Canada. Here's your maple syrup." They don't really give you maple syrup.

Omar: I'll drop you at a at a friendly house. They'll walk you to the airstrip. Quarter-mile maybe.
June: Who's they?
Omar: No idea. Someone brave or stupid. Or both. There's a lot of both.

June: So this is where the Econopeople live. It's where I'd live if I weren't an adulteress. If I'd gone to the right kind of church. If I'd played my cards right. If I'd known I was supposed to be playing cards.

Heather: I don't know how you could give your baby up to somebody else.
June: I'm trying not to.
Heather:
June: I would die first. Yeah, I used to think that too.

June: Thank you for taking me in. For everything. So are you brave or stupid?
Omar: I'm not brave. So there you go.

Holly: Do you really like that job at that publishing place? Honestly.
June: Yeah. If I didn't, I'd find another job.
Holly: When you were little, you wanted to be on the Supreme Court.
June: Well, I also wanted to marry Jordan Catalano.
Holly: You really want to spend all day reading other people's words looking for typos?
June: Yup.
Holly: I sacrificed for you and it pisses me off that you're just settling.
June: Well, sorry. I guess I'm not your justification for existence.

June: I waited before. I thought things might be okay. I swore I'd never do that again.

June: No mother is ever completely a child's idea of what a mother should be and I suppose it works the other way around as well. But despite everything, we didn't do badly by one another. We did as well as most. I wish my mother were here so I could tell her I finally know this, so I could tell her I forgive her. And then ask Hannah to forgive me.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Janine: That's up to God. He holds me in the palm of his hand.
Emily: He couldn't hold you in his palm someplace else? Like Bora Bora?

Waterford: Psalms?
Andrew: Proverbs.

Serena: Prayvaganza. Not one of the commander's better efforts if you ask me.

Rita: So that happened.

Emily: Fuck Aunt Lydia!

Janine: Cows can't get married.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Nick: I'll come see you tonight.
June: What about Mrs. Blaine? What is her bedtime, anyway?

June: I'm really sorry she's making you run around like this.
Rita: You milk it while you can.
Nick: Smells good. Where's mine?
Rita: Ask your wife.

Jenny: You may not agree with what she has to say. But that's what's great about our country - the freedom to express your own opinion.

June: You have to sleep with Eden. She's going to report you. She will make trouble.
Nick: She's 15 years old.
June: What, you have to fuck somebody you don't want to? Poor thing.

Fred: I thought we could segue into justice being served.
Serena: That's if they ever find him.
Fred: They will. Put your faith in God.
Serena: I have faith in God but I don't have faith in the police.

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Serena: Go to bed.  The baby needs rest.
Offred: Right now the baby needs Twinkies.

Luke: Welcome to my world.
Moira: That pathetic land of bad hats and hipster scruff? Fuck that.

Birthing class teacher: And breathe out. Two, three, four, five. Deeper, Moira, from the diaphragm.
Moira: From your fucking diaphragm.

Moira: You gotta be kidding me. Are you fucking throwing Luke in my face?
June: Excuse me? When do I do that? What does that even mean?
Moira: Your perfect marriage - like those fucking assholes.
June: Get over here. That's not a perfect marriage. It's the same guy every night, even when you're sick of each other, even when he can never seem to figure out how to load the fucking dishwasher. Do you know why? Because he's an infant.

Odette: I'm usually more of a white wine girl.
Moira: Gross.

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June: We do our work in the evening. She writes. I read. This is the new normal - and an offense to God. In another life, maybe we could have been colleagues. In this one, we're heretics. I was already on the naughty list, an adultress, a fallen woman as Aunt Lydia used to say, but this is new territory for Serena, I think. How does she feel about falling? She seems pretty fucking happy.

Serena: I do truly detest knitting, to be frank.

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June: "Someone once said 'Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.'" The "someone" is Margaret Atwood.

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Someone earnestly wished me a "Blessed day" at work earlier in the week. 

Caught me off guard and feels weird to hear that after seeing the show. 

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It's standard policy at the Florida welcome center: A free sample orange juice and "Have a blessed day."

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June: This could be an airbnb. Not a great one. Three star reviews maybe. "Amazing house, tons of character, nice view of the yard. Owners are super polite but creepy as fuck. Some ritualized rape required."

Rita: We've been summoned.
June: What's happening?
Rita: You think they'd tell me?

Fred: Canadians think women here are oppressed, that they're voiceless.

Williston: Our Deputy Minister for Immigration, Kevin McConnell.
Fred: Pleasure.
McConnell: I was very fond of visiting the States before - with my husband.
Fred: Well, in the coming years, we anticipate that tourism will be a key part of our economy again. I hope that you'll both return.
McConnell: When we feel welcome.

Janine: When the baby comes, don't forget to ask for your ice cream.

Isaac: Shut your mouth, unwoman.
Janine: Suck my dick!

Serena: If you had done better research, you would know that I would never betray my country.
Mark: I thought you already did.

June: In my experience, any man who would hurt a woman would hurt a child.

Genevieve: I don't know how you live with yourself. It's sad what they've done to you.

June: I know I should accept the reality of you being born here, make my peace - but fuck that.

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I just started watching the show this week. Here are some quotes that I didn't see posted yet.

From S02.E04:
Aunt Lydia: "And why did God allow such a terrible thing to happen? Answer me, Offred."
June: "To teach me a lesson."
Aunt Lydia: "To teach June a lesson. June did this. June ran away. June consorted with terrorists. Not Offred. Offred was kidnapped. Offred is free from blame. Offred does not have to bear June's guilt."

From S02.E05:
Aunt Lydia when Serena sees her writing: "Special dispensation for Aunts. Really a burden more than anything."

From S02.E08:
Janine: "How are you feeling?"
June: "I'm fine."
Janine: "Yeah? You'll probably get to the cool part soon. The baby's foot pushes out of your stomach like in Alien. Charlotte used to do that all the time ... You haven't seen Alien?"
June: "No, I just thought the sequel was better."
Janine: "You're nuts."

From S02.E09:
June: "I want my baby to know kindness. I need her to have someone kind in her life."
Rita: "By his hand. That boy downstairs is maybe 20 years old. And he can tell me to do anything. He could break my jaw and no one would say boo. I'll do what I can."

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Emily: You treat it like a job, an unpleasant job to be gotten through as fast as possible. Kissing is forbidden. This makes it bearable. One detaches oneself. One describes an act of copulation, fertilization perhaps, no more to you than a bee is to a flower. You steel yourself. You pretend not to be present, not in the flesh. You leave your body.

Offred: At least this is the last time I'll have to get into that fucking bed.

Offred: I shouldn't have expected you to understand. You have no idea what it is like to have a child of your own flesh and blood. And you never will.

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June: No tie. It's a book release, not a deposition.

Fred: Nick wouldn't be disloyal. I let Offred see her daughter. She would have been grateful.
Serena: How could you be so stupid? They hate you. She's always hated you. She keeps running away from you.
Fred: Me? If you'd shown that girl one ounce of kindness, she would never have left.
Serena: Kindness? You raped her yesterday.
Fred: That was your idea! I did this to fix your mess.
Serena: You sent her out here with the father of her baby to see her daughter. What did you think was going to happen? That she was going to go home and thank you? You are such a fucking idiot.

Serena: I gave up everything for you and for the cause. And I only ever wanted one thing in return. I wanted a baby.

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Aunt Lydia: One can't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Aunt Lydia: You are a popular girl. Several households have already made overtures. Commander and Mrs. Webber sent me these baked goods. Bit of bribery. Take one, dear. You've earned it.
June: I think I've earned a whole cake.
Aunt Lydia: Prideful girls don't get anything.
June: Bran. Great. Praise fucking be.

Serena: Patience and service and sacrifice. In the end, it's all worth it.

Fred: Nichole This is Offred.
Aunt Lydia: A beautiful name for a beautiful child. She looks just like her father.

Aunt Lydia: You're lucky they agreed. Four couples have refused. You're running out of chances. You must behave. Commander Lawrence is a very brilliant, very important man. He is considered the architect of Gilead's economy. Have you nothing to say for yourself?
Emily: I'm wondering why such an important, brilliant man would take in such a shitty handmaid.

Lawrence: Blessed be the fruit.
Emily: May the Lord open. Praise be to you, and may God make me worthy.
Lawrence: Super.

Lawrence: Don't touch my stuff!
Martha: It's in my way! 
Lawrence: You want a beating? 
Martha: Try it, old man.

Lawrence: You know the penalty for reading nowadays? Feel free to answer anytime.
Emily: A finger for a first offense.
Lawrence: You think that's fair?
Emily: It's the law.
Lawrence: It used to be a hand. Back in the good old days.

Eden: Does it hurt? To pump.
June: No, it just feels, uh, odd.
Eden: I can't wait to feel it. To breastfeed, I mean.
June: I hope you do someday.
Eden: May God find me worthy.
June: Right.
Eden: He'd want a child to be raised by parents who really love each other. Don't you think?
June: God?
Eden: What if you had that chance? For love and a baby?
June: Eden, you don't have to, to worry about me. I won't be around long. I think in this place you grab love wherever you can find it.

Nick: Have you seen Eden around?
Rita: I don't have enough to do? I have to keep tabs on your wife now?

June: I haven't seen [Eden] today.
Nick: She was gone when I woke up this morning.
June: Maybe she went to the mall. I heard there was a sale at Old Navy.

Fred: I gave [Eden] the opportunity to elevate herself - to be a wife, a mother, to be associated with the Waterford name.
Serena: Fred, we can't be sure that she ran off with him. Eden is a good, pious girl
Fred: A married woman swept up in her own selfish lust!

Nick: they already have Isaac for desertion. Say that he took you with him by force. Say he wouldn't let you come home. 
Eden: It's not true. 
Nick: The truth doesn't matter right now, Eden!
Eden: It matters to God. He knows what's inside my heart!
Nick: He doesn't decide what happens here today, okay? Just tell them what they need to hear.

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June: Heretics don't get to rest in peace. Here they use them as animal feed. Aunt Lydia told us that at the Red Center. Waste not, want not. All we leave behind is a uniform. Wife, handmaid, Martha, mother, daughter, girlfriend, queen, bitch, criminal, sinner, heretic, prisoner

Serena: Nichole and I were just talking about lilies.
June: Did she have a lot to say?

Fred: You have another daughter?
Eden's father: He has truly blessed us.
Serena: Praise be.
Fred: Make certain she learns from her sister's transgressions.
Eden's father: Yes, sir. She was home when Eden arrived with that boy. We called the authorities immediately.
June: You turned her in?
Fred: That kind of faith is rare indeed. It reflects well upon your family.

Rita: How does [your face] feel?
June: It's fine. I think I broke my hand [hitting Fred] though.
Rita: Praise be.

Janine: Oh, tequila, I miss you most of all!

Lawrence: See? This is the problem. How am I supposed to motivate employees if I can't leverage salaries? It hurts me.

Fred: Ladies, bless you for coming in today. We appreciate your interest in our work.

June: Go fuck yourself, Fred.

Emily: What's happening?
Lawrence: I'm getting myself in deep shit. Have a nice life! Don't get caught! Keep away from drugs!

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Janine: "Why do you always think of the bad stuff? Do you hear me complaining [gestures to missing eye] all the time? No you do not."

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