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Will & Grace Quotes: That's Funny

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Jack (to Will): That's funny. Do I hear screaming? Oh, no, that's just the buttons on your shirt.


Karen: You know, sometimes it seems like our sole purpose in life is just to serve Will and Grace.

Jack: Right. It's like all people see when they look at us are the supporting players on the Will & Grace show.


Will: You broke another wine glass, didn't you?

Jack: Welcome to cynical island. Population, you.


Grace: The dry cleaner in your neighborhood calls me nice lady.

Will: He calls me nice lady.


(Karen throws her keys to Will and Jack and they land on the floor)

Grace: Karen, the gays don't catch.


Grace: Ok, here's the Thanksgiving menu so far: apple pie, pumpkin pie, blueberry tart, and ice-cream roll. What am I missing? Cake. We need cake.

Will: Did you take a bong hit before you wrote that?


Karen: I think you're missing the silver lining here. When you're old and in diapers, a gay son will know how to keep you away from chiffon and backlighting.


(Yes, I just bought the DVDs)

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Jack: “Shouldn’t we help her find her way back to a place called hope?”

Karen: “She’s wearing synthetic plaid. It’s a four-day drive and a boat trip to a place called hope!”


Jack (on going after someone married): “Life is too short to waste time on overthinking things. When an opportunity comes, I don’t question it; I grab it, drop its ring on the nightstand, and swing on it till dawn!”


Karen (after Jack’s bird escapes): “Do you want another one?”

Jack: “No, how can you even ask me that? If my grandmother died would you bring me another racist dowager with a purseful of diabetic candy?”


And just for a change of pace -


Margot: “I must say, this tapestry of tension I’ve woven is making me weak in the knees…and it’s working its way up!”


Lyle Finster: “I can’t have the two women I love most in the world going at it like Italians!”

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Karen: "How did you hurt your back - running away from good taste?"


Will: (to Grace) Maybe it's just as well you never did take a ride on the Truman train. That could have ruined you for life.
Leo: Train? You had one passenger.
Will: Yes, but at least she got off.


Karen: "Hey, if it wasn't for me and this wedding, you'd be heading back to Cucaracha on Air Guacamole with live chickens running up and down the aisle!"


Beverly Leslie: "Karen Walker - I thought I smelled gin and regret."

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Always loved these from Karen of course.


To Jack while holding him in a head lock, after she found out he was hanging out with Mimi Driver's character "You backstabbing boy bitch! You are never, never seeing her again! Do you hear me?! You stay away from that London hog, or I'll put fishhooks in your nipples and fly you off the Chrysler Building! You got that?!"


"Good Lord! I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me? "


"Time to get your head out of the dumps and your legs in the air!"

"I just got all misty...down there."


"Honey, you're simple, you're shallow and you're a common whore--that's why we're so much alike!"



"Hi Will , hi Grace"

Will --" that's not  Grace it's a bag of Garbage"

"How could I make that mistake....twice!"

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Other than the ones mentioned, I have a couple Karen quotes that I say more than I should:


"I'll do to her what she did to Stan: have sex with her until she dies.  Open up Lorraine!  And put on a condom!"


"Pan-sexual?  He's been humping my pans???"


Lorraine: Psst, I'd like you to have all your things out by tomorrow, all right?

Karen: Oh, ok.  Oh, pssst, I'd like you to eat me.

Edited by Princess Sparkle
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Just saw this episde today, this was great


Rosario: [entering] “Miss Karen? We have a little visitor.”
Karen: “Oh, for god’s sake, I’m not your mother. You know where the tampons are!”
Rosario: “It’s your stepdaughter, Olivia, you ghost of Christmas passed-out.”

Karen: "Aww Rosie I love it when your slams turn seasonal, It means Christmas is just around the corner"

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From the episode where Will's friend from high school Claire visits from France.  


JACK: Oh, my god. Claire Danes?!!! That's huge.

WILL (Sarcastically): Yes, Jack, Claire Danes. Did I not mention that 19-year-old Claire Danes is my best friend from high school?

JACK:  Ha, ha, ha.  You're bloated.


For me this might be the funniest thing in the entire series.

Edited by Ms Blue Jay
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One of my favorites from one of my favorite episodes (with Patrick Dempesey):

Jack: Will, save that smut for Lohmans. You're in the Republic now.

And then later when Jack get's a job at Barney's New York in New York and Parker Posy (Dorleen the Whorleen) gives Jack his schedule and he has some skit show:

Jack: Love you, love everything about you, thinking about being you for Halloween.

Edited by crazycatchick
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Grace (to Will and Jack, who have been sniping at each other): Well, if you two are going to play bitchy mcsniperson, I'm going to go. I just don't see how anyone could subject themselves to that kind of abuse on a daily basis.
(Grace opens the door) Karen: Honey, your new dump smells like cat pee.
Grace: ...Never mind.

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Grace: Well, you've come on a good night. Jack's mother is going to be joining us, and she doesn't know Jack's gay.

Karen: How could she not know? What is she, headless?

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The newest season made me nostalgic, so I pulled out my season 1 DVDs and was reminded of one of my favorite quotes from when Will and Grace adopted the puppy. Will’s baby (puppy?) talk always cracks me up, but this: 

“Who do I love so much I wanna drop-kick? Hmm? Who? Who?”

....and then...

”May I bite your snoots? May I bite your snoots from loves?” 

That kills me enough all on its own, but then later when Grace tries to convince him to go out in a date and says he already has his pickup line....then repeats his “May I bite your snoots from loves?” line, I think it’s perfection. I love the line itself and the way she mocks him. Her tone and the look on her face when she says it....so funny. 

And also, I’m one of those people who talks to my cats like that regularly, so....lol

And another from the same episode: 

Grace: “Because, god forbid he see a half-naked man given that he is a completely naked dog!”


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I love some of the quotes that are so far over the top that I think,  "They didn't really mean it THAT way, did they?"  A pefect example:

Elliot to Karen:  Would it be okay if I came back sometime to play with your Xbox?

Karen:  Of course!  Any time, Kid.

Elliot exits and Karen walks past the video game:  

"Well, would you look at that!  This game is called an Xbox."

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On ‎1‎/‎10‎/‎2015 at 2:08 AM, sskrill said:

"Anastasia, like Russian royalty, Beaverhousen ... like ... where the beaver live."

I'm Anastasia Beaverhausen on a few sites that require a name to view the goods (like real estate porn). It makes for laughs when I clean out that Hotmail account once in awhile: "Hey, Anastasia, have we got a deal for you!" I also use it in restaurants: "Beaverhausen, party of 4."

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Jack:  Thanks for letting me use your car, Karen. It's so fancy, what kind is it?

Karen:  A black one. Oops! I mean, an African-Americar.

The "Americar" bit genuinely surprised me and I couldn't stop laughing at it!

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Jack:  So, Lois Whitley, exactly how do you know our friend Karen Walker?

Lois:  I'm her mother.

Rosario:  Santa Maria!  It has a mother?!


(Grace is designing a house for Will's ex Michael and lets Karen pick a chair.  She has Karen try out the choices by sitting in each and pretending she's going through her nightly routine.)

Karen (pretending to be at home):  Rosario!  Hug the girl!  The school says she needs affection.


(Karen makes a heartfelt speech to her stepson Mason after a swim meet, only to be told that she is talking to the wrong kid.)

Karen:  How am I supposed to tell them apart when they're wet?!


(I don't know why this one makes me laugh so much, but from "Lows in the Mid-80s, Part 2," the way Karen wraps up her tale of what she was doing when Will came out to Grace.)

Karen:  (happily) It was another 10 years before Stan and I officially got together, but Rosario and I have been together ever since!  (pause)  Damn it!   My story sucks too.

Edited by KWalkerInc
Added a quote.
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Jennifer Lopez is headlining ABC's New Year's Eve show, and it made this exchange pop into my head from her appearance in the sixth season finale, as I imagine she could have had a similar discussion with Dick Clark Productions now:

Jennifer:  I'm going to start with something from my new album...

Karen:  No!!!  Classic J-Lo!!


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