S06.E02: Buffalo Gals

[Primetimer]

Kelly's birthday celebration is dampened by advancement in the robbery plot. There's also fresh spinach fettuccine!

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[Primetimer]

Not that you'd know it from Kelly's stankface in our collection of the 'best' looks from her second birthday of the year!

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[doingthejackal]

With Dylan's impending exit (FINALLY) and the fact that with no Brenda book, the end of the podcast eps are dude heavy, I'd like to propose a new challenge that takes aim squarely at Kelly's cat-butt obnoxiousness or Donna benefitting from clear Spelling--as they say in School of Rock--nepotizz.

So. I think...it's time for the 5 Ways that Aaron Spelling Clearly Paid off the Producers for Tori, to highlight moments where Donna is praised for (or given opportunities to show herself as) being so pretty, brilliant, sexy, giving, hilarious-STUFF!, kind, barf barf barf. And yes, highlighting her Cleavage of Stone would be one of them, because obviously, somebody thinks she looks Oh So Hot. Probably the same person who paid for those things. Cough.

OR? The 5 Things Kelly Should Have Learned in Psych Class. For example: That stringing on two guys makes you look like a narcissist. That Tintin hair is the sign of a disturbed personality. That Mommy issues do not make you special, unless you are Oedipus. That dressing as mumsie-ly as Ohhhndrea means that you are clearly engaging in transference. That Val's attempts to ingratiate herself are clearly signs of a need to be loved so STOP BEING SUCH AN ASS TO HER.

Just a thought!

[maxineofarc]

What on earth is Val's endgame supposed to be here? Why does she care if these nitwits like her?

[TeeVee329]

While it's a bummer that Val wants to be part of The Gang so much that she stoops to this (and eventually burns her friendship with someone who actually was her friend), I kinda love that she goes after what she wants with such gusto, a la buying the PPAD basically to stick it to Ray.

Bye Ginger!  We WILL see you again!

[Petunia13]

If Dylan wants to investigate and revenge someone up, why didn't he hire Jonesy as a consultant? 

[CurlyATX]

1 hour ago, doingthejackal said:

OR? The 5 Things Kelly Should Have Learned in Psych Class.

I like this idea.  We are getting into the major-pain Kelly years.  I'd even settle for 5 ways Kelly is a kooze.  Or 5 ways Brenda would've fixed this episode.

[Stowaway]

Is Donna doing the baby voice now too? Not that she was ever all that far from it. But. . . gross. I associate that voice with victims of early sexual abuse; it's so stomach-churning to hear it used in "bedroom" scenes. Seriously, who was the pedophile on set encouraging these grown-ass women to talk that way?

[MerBearStare]

Stank face aside, I think Kelly looks really pretty in the header photo.

Yes Dylan, you should definitely go on a stakeout in your not at all conspicuous vintage Porsche convertible. Also, there are people in my office building who stand like that in the elevator and it drives me crazy. Face forward like a normal human being! Oh god, were they planning on assassinating me but then chickened out?!

Edited February 7, 2017 by MerBearStare

[MerBearStare]

Those Buffalo gals sure love their jazz cigarettes. Tsk tsk tsk.

IIRC, Dave Koz was also on an episode of Family Matters. Either Urkel and Laura or Urkel and Myra went on a date to one of his shows. I don't know why television writers in the 90's thought young people would love smooth jazz so much. Or did Dave Koz have some (alleged) Johnny Depp-style massive debts, so he had to get on all these shows for the paycheck?

Unpopular opinion: I would like that Skinemax soft core porn music to be played at the end of each episode. So gross but so hilarious. 

[bethster2000]

Dave Koz = embarrassing.

Colin's ugly painting = even more embarrassing.

Kelly being fawned over by Dylan and Brandon but her Super Cool New Painter Boyfriend is nowhere in sight = grounds for Brenda to fly back from London, join forces with Val, and kick that granny-dress-wearing, sanctimonious, cheating bitch right in her cat butt mouth. 

[Pogojoco]

It makes me sad how thirsty Valerie is. 

Edited February 7, 2017 by Pogojoco

[spaceghostess]

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Who doesn't go shopping in either a madras-napkin dress and scraped-back pony with lank proscenium bangs, or a pointless cropped ringer tee and belted leggings?

The extra in the chintz jumpsuit is giving them a run for their money: who doesn't go shopping in her grandmother's couch upholstery?

[fireice13]

I get that Val wanting to be part of the Gang was driven by the need of the writers to have everyone in the same circle, but I do wish she had found her own group of much better people last season to hang out with. You know if she had done that the Gang would've been all upset that Val wasn't hanging out with them and why wasn't she friends with them etc etc. It would've been really great if D'Shawn had been in Val's group of better friends!

[StatMom]

I remember that horrible birthday cake painting, and it was even worse than I remembered. Just awful.

Also, it looks like the next couple episodes are not available on Hulu? What precious music was playing that they didn't secure the rights to for these? Was Ray playing a lot during this time? That, I have no memory of. In fact, I thought he left after the stair incident. I kind of wanted to see the Toni ones, too.

[Racj82]

12 hours ago, maxineofarc said:

What on earth is Val's endgame supposed to be here? Why does she care if these nitwits like her?

This will always be my biggest problem with Val. She's so eager to be in with the gang but then immediately does something to rightfully put people against her. Example being what she starts to do behind Kelly's back real soon. Either you like them or you don't. I don't know why you would just relax. Stop scheming.

I wish D'Shawn, Jordan, Val and Claire would just do a take over on this show. Some actual interesting actors and characters I would love to follow together. 

Edited February 7, 2017 by Racj82

[helent]

I don't understand Val and Ginger's plan here - Ginger stole a bunch of stuff, but then Val returned it all, so where did the money they split come from?

[Petunia13]

Me: "I can't imagine a douchier bf than Dylan or Brandon."

Season 6 writer: "Hold my drink."

[Sarah D. Bunting]

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Unpopular opinion: I would like that Skinemax soft core porn music to be played at the end of each episode.

Great news: it's used to score the outro on an upcoming SUICIDE ATTEMPT. 

[mwcherry]

I'm pretty sure that Steve was wearing that nuts-on-a-ribbon necklace in the Season 5 opener. In the airport with Howie Long.

[TeeVee329]

8 hours ago, helent said:

I don't understand Val and Ginger's plan here - Ginger stole a bunch of stuff, but then Val returned it all, so where did the money they split come from?

They didn't split any money - Val was paying Ginger for participating in the scheme with her own money from Jonesy/the PPAD.

[CurlyATX]

I don't get this.  So basically, Val makes her BFF look like a crook in order to "out her" to The Gang.  Doesn't Val realize that The Gang will think less of her for having such thieving BFF?  Kelly is so selfish that even if you gave her an organ, she's somehow make it seem that she did you a FAVOR by taking your skanky body part. 

I wish that in Val's business classes she had Amanda Woodward as a coach and they became friends. 

I forgot how hideous that painting was.  OMG!! 

[CurlyATX]

I somehow blocked the drunk Donna coming onto Ray.   She really is sending so many mixed signals.  Do you think they are moving towards everything but(t)?

[AndySmith]

Much like with Brenda or any of the other characters,, the logistics of the show just wouldn't allow Val to go off and find her own friends.

[MCMLXXVII]

57 minutes ago, CurlyATX said:

I don't get this.  So basically, Val makes her BFF look like a crook in order to "out her" to The Gang.  Doesn't Val realize that The Gang will think less of her for having such thieving BFF?  

Thank you! This always bothered me. Especially when Ginger later returns (granted, to blackmail Val) they would rightfully be like "Sooo...why are you still friends with Thievy McSkank?". 

[txhorns79]

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Great news: it's used to score the outro on an upcoming SUICIDE ATTEMPT. 

No, no I'm not going to go through with it.  I've decided to just try and tune out Donna's 3000 year long Rose Bowl princess storyline instead. 

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Much like with Brenda or any of the other characters,, the logistics of the show just wouldn't allow Val to go off and find her own friends.

I think everyone gets why logistically speaking Val can't just up and find new friends, but storywise, they've written Val into a corner where she's desperately trying to get people to like her on the one hand, while simultaneously scheming against them with the other.  It's ridiculous.

Edited February 7, 2017 by txhorns79

[AndySmith]

Well, that was one of the problematic issues with Val. You needed her to be the show bitch, but you also needed her to be somewhat integrated with the rest of the cast. It worked a bit better on Melrose Place, since Amanda owned the apartment building and some of the cast worked at the same company she did (and even then, you had to suspend a few pounds of disbelief wondering why nobody just moved out or found a job somewhere else, given they live in LA).

You could fanwank that Val wanting these people to like her and at the same time scheme against them fits her character history, even if the creators were retconning her backstory every other season. She wants to be loved, she wants to fit in, but given how she was betrayed by her dad (and her mom), she might feel everyone will turn on her eventually, so she schemes against them so they end up fulfilling what she feels they will eventually do.

Or something, I dunno.

[txhorns79]

I feel like you've given it more thought in five minutes than the writers did over four seasons.  I think for me, it's the idea that Val is desperate to hang out with people whose personalities alternate between completely awful and barely tolerable at any given moment.         

[TeeVee329]

1 hour ago, txhorns79 said:

I think everyone gets why logistically speaking Val can't just up and find new friends, but storywise, they've written Val into a corner where she's desperately trying to get people to like her on the one hand, while simultaneously scheming against them with the other.  It's ridiculous.

Well it's only really Kelly she schemes against going forward and that is fine, just fine with me.  I don't think Val really cares about being friends with Kelly, but knows she's a) the alpha of this little clique and b) has sway with Brandon (i.e. next season when Kelly wants to throw her out of Casa Walsh).

I mean, it's all dumb, but still, Team Val. 

Edited February 7, 2017 by TeeVee329

[Cekrypton1]

I swear at the end I had to rewind as it sounds like Ginger is saying "One c*nt to another."

[helent]

6 hours ago, TeeVee329 said:

They didn't split any money - Val was paying Ginger for participating in the scheme with her own money from Jonesy/the PPAD.

Thanks! That actually makes even less sense since, as others have commented, what does Val gain from this?

[TeeVee329]

She's in with The Gang, the greatest prize of all! #eyeroll

[Klaw]

Re: Val and the Gang. Given that Val is, well Val, and has Val's boobs of Glory, is gorgeous, smart and OWNS A NIGHTCLUB, for crying out loud, it is just too ridiculous that she didn't have her own circle of friends. And I get that she's all damaged!*SPOILER*, but they could've mined her separateness from the Gang, especially given the fact that she was legitimately friends with Steve and Brandon in particular. Like she could have always been on shit terms with the girls, because really, who wants to be friends with dimwit Donna and catbutt  Kelly?  Or she could've been on decent terms with Claire, because really, Claire and Val seem like they would get on better than Claire does with the other two. If it was a cost issue (as I'm sure it was given how cheap they were), I feel like they should have at least shown her having a few buddies (kind of like how they bring in Muntz every once in awhile). Then they could have had interesting storylines with Val trying to divide and conquer the group, having Claire and Brandon stick up for her, sleeping with Donna's and Kelly's men and generally stirring the pot. Or something.

But, noooo, we get this pathetic, simpering Val. Sigh.

Re: Kelly's half/2nd birthday. I do remember turning 21 and wanting to appear more grown up - you know, sip wine for enjoyment instead of doing shots to get trashed - so I can see a rich BH girl wanting something more elegant and "adult" (in her mind). But Fucking Dave Fucking Koz? And in that saggy boob get up with the granny sandals? Kelly, you're supposed to be a model - aren't models supposed to have all kinds of secrets for how to support the girls when wearing backless attire? 

Speaking of boobs. Please, please, please stop showcasing Donna's Cavern of Doom show. Stuff of nightmares. *shudder*

Are we to really believe that a big-time evil! mobster wouldn't notice some skinny little punk GLARING at him in an elevator?! If nothing else, wouldn't said evil!mobster clock Dylan looking at him and glare back, "what the hell are you looking at?!" style? Wouldn't he say to the stupid um, BODYGUARD, "check that little brat out"? I agree with Tara, they're all bad at their jobs. On the other hand, it's always nice to see Melrose Place Bruce! (RIP Stanley Kamel)...

[AndySmith]

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who wants to be friends with dimwit Donna and catbutt  Kelly?  Or she could've been on decent terms with Claire, because really, Claire and Val seem like they would get on better than Claire does with the other two

There is an episode later on where Donna and Claire invite Val over to watch a gymnastics event while drinking champagne (hey, that's how they sometimes roll in BH), and for the most part, they all seem to have a good time, and all get along. Of course, until they find out Val snuck into Kelly's room and read her diary...

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I feel like they should have at least shown her having a few buddies (kind of like how they bring in Muntz every once in awhile)

They could have just had Ginger move there full time and kept her on recurring status, though I guess the budget for recurring characters that season was mostly saved for people the gang were dating (Susan, Colin, Joe, etc).

[cmfran]

On what planet would a bunch of college students go to see Dave Koz for someone's 21st birthday?

[CurlyATX]

Recurring Ginger would have been great.  Kelly was very Regina George/Mean Girls when it came to Val.  Kelly would always throw her weight around to make sure Val was ostracized.  Even that gymnastics watching party was one where Val basically had to beg her way into and then the roommates seemed to feel like "ok, as long as Kelly doesn't know".  Doesn't Val fake being drunk to stay in Kelly's room (which the roomies should have offered the couch instead)?

I think Val's last episode was a Thanksgiving one and Kelly basically wanted to make sure the entire gang stood Val up.   Which makes me wonder what kind of creepy people let someone dictate who they can be friends with? And what social morons accept a Thanksgiving invite and then renege on it in order to attend another party? 

The other thing we need to do is add a drinking game or whenever someone says the line "I'm trying to apologize here!" in a mean voice without actually saying the words "I'm sorry for being a c*nt/b*tch/d*ck/*sshole"

[CurlyATX]

Every 21st birthday I went to (including my own) was straight to the bar with real ID in hand, gleefully telling everyone it was my birthday and getting free drinks with weird names.  Dave Koz! Was he the band leader on Arsenio? Now that I'm in my 40s, I happily admit that I hate jazz. 

[txhorns79]

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I think Val's last episode was a Thanksgiving one and Kelly basically wanted to make sure the entire gang stood Val up.   Which makes me wonder what kind of creepy people let someone dictate who they can be friends with? And what social morons accept a Thanksgiving invite and then renege on it in order to attend another party? 

I want to say it had something to do with Kelly finding out that Val had tried to stop Kelly's non-wedding to Brandon, and I distinctly remember Donna making some comment like: "Brandon can't protect you anymore," to Valerie (as Brandon had left the show).  It was all high drama, and extremely stupid.  

[Jax7917]

One line that always annoyed me was when dylan had the gun out in the cemetary ready to kill toni's father.. and he proceeds to say, "never mind. My father was killed. Your daughter was killed. We're even now"... How the fuck are they even? Is dylan forgetting that in addition to toni being his daughter, she was also dylan's wife?

[benteen]

I remember when Val popped up in the series finale.  She had a good scene with Dylan, Steve and David.  She wasn't with the girls because in her own words, she always liked hanging with the boys better.  It was a good scene with her and them.

I recall Kelly not saying anything to her but just looking at her with a stinkface the entire time.

[txhorns79]

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One line that always annoyed me was when dylan had the gun out in the cemetary ready to kill toni's father.. and he proceeds to say, "never mind. My father was killed. Your daughter was killed. We're even now"... How the fuck are they even? Is dylan forgetting that in addition to toni being his daughter, she was also dylan's wife?

It's probably for the best that Dylan didn't actually end up killing anyone to try to avenge his father's "death." 

[TeeVee329]

3 hours ago, txhorns79 said:

I want to say it had something to do with Kelly finding out that Val had tried to stop Kelly's non-wedding to Brandon, and I distinctly remember Donna making some comment like: "Brandon can't protect you anymore," to Valerie (as Brandon had left the show).  It was all high drama, and extremely stupid.  

Yup, Kelly and Val were packing up Brandon's stuff and Kelly found a letter Val wrote to Brandon advising him to rethink the wedding.  Why Kelly got so mad, given she herself came to the same conclusion, is beyond me.  It was really just to set off one more fight between them before Valerie left.

3 hours ago, benteen said:

I remember when Val popped up in the series finale.  She had a good scene with Dylan, Steve and David.  She wasn't with the girls because in her own words, she always liked hanging with the boys better.  It was a good scene with her and them.

Val does show up at Donna's bachelorette party as well.  But yeah, that scene with her in the guys - and her saying she'd rather be hanging with them anyway - was great.

[scarynikki12]

Wasn't David getting dressed when she walked in, got all "Val!" about it and she was "pfft, nothing I haven't seen before" before saying hello to the other guys? At least she ended the series as the best. 

[Klaw]

See, I barely remember those scenes you guys mention, but it would have been great if they had done more of that (minus Val being treated like the pathetic Black Sheep). It also would have helped if they had more scenes with Val calling out Kelly on her hypocritical bullshit (I seem to recall she only did so one time - when they were on that road trip with the nuns - I think that's coming up, right?) Anyway, if Val was such good friends with Brenda and Brandon, she would have had ALOT of legit ammo to hurl at Kelly.  So many missed opportunities...

[TeeVee329]

I can't remember - I know Kelly gets all Cat Butt Mouth about Val and Colin's history, and then later in the season when they get together, but how did she react to her getting with David?

[sinnerforhire]

I played alto saxophone in jazz band from middle school through freshman year of college and won some awards for it, and even I wouldn't have wanted to go to a Dave Koz concert for any birthday, let alone my 21st. I never even owned a Dave Koz CD, and I had multiple Boney James and Kenny G CDs. Yes, I am officially Worse Than Jazz.

[Petunia13]

Imagine being so lame that Brandon and Dylan vying for your attention at a smooth jazz concert would be a personal triumph worthy of being smug about ?

[scarynikki12]

10 hours ago, CurlyATX said:

Every 21st birthday I went to (including my own) was straight to the bar with real ID in hand, gleefully telling everyone it was my birthday and getting free drinks with weird names. 

Exactly!  I turned 21 in Tucson which, at the time, closed the bars/restaurants at 1am.  Some of those places wouldn't let newly turned drinkers in but some would so we would Power Hour it at the ones that let us.  I drank every shot my friends ordered for me, took my final later that morning (yes I had a final on my 21st birthday and I nailed it because I was a champ back then) and then went out to the bars that night and the rest of the weekend.  And all of my friends did the same when they turned 21.  None of us got a good night's sleep or tried to do anything like Kelly because WE WERE 21 DAMMIT!  And we partied it up.  Kelly is so lame and her high school self would be appalled.

[CurlyATX]

Ok, this is much more fun than the show... I celebrated my 21st birthday at my college town, Davis and sadly, none of my friends were smart enough to think of the power 2 hours (bars closed at 2am).  I had finals during my birthday too, because, yeah, late March means a lifetime of midterm or finals on my birthday. 

It would have made more sense that David gave the concert seats as his b-day gift- since he interned there.

[CurlyATX]

My only wish at the end was that Val (who looked amazing at the series finale) had settled down with Tom in Buffalo.  They seemed made for each other. 

There is some scene where Janet talks about sounds Steve makes in bed and both Kelly and Valerie can relate.  I'm a big prude, because I wouldn't want to commiserate with anyone about Mr. Curly in bed.  I'm just plugging my fingers in my ears "la la la la la la" when it comes to any history before me.