S05.E30: Hello Life, Goodbye Beverly Hills

[Primetimer]

Kelly faces a tough choice, and she chooses...well, you know.

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[Primetimer]

You may want to choose some Visine and a fistful of Maalox before peeping some pics from S05.E30.

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[benteen]

I guess you two aren't going to have Nana to kick around anymore.

Edited January 27, 2017 by benteen

[TeeVee329]

The so-ridiculous-it's-awesomeness of "I choose me!" aside (I mean, pulling a Kelly Taylor has become a pop culture phrase!), the triangle in this episode was even more annoying than I remembered.  But I guess I'd have to side more with Brandon?  Though I guess it was kinda karmic payback for what happened with Emily earlier in the season?  Whatever, bring on Susan and Colin and Rebecca Gayheart.

The sophomore who said she marched for Donna...wasn't it only the juniors who joined the seniors because they didn't want a dress code?

I thought our hosts would have been more elated that, from here on out, We Never See Jesse Again.

[Earmuffs Mom]

Brandon says next season that he had 5 years of engagement ring payments planned for Kelly's ring. Ugh.

[ZeroDiscipline]

Would you look at the size of David's pants in that first shot? I remember that look being a thing in the 90s, but he is way too old at that point to be attempting it. That is 16 year old styling, not 20 year old. I have to say, all the hair on the ladies is mostly acceptable here, with the exception of Donna sometimes. And Claire and Donna spying on Kelly and Dylan is definitely me and my roommate at that time casually noticing our third roommate kissing other boys that were not her boyfriend too. Didn't call her out on it, her business. But we let her know we weren't going to lie about it, if it came up (never did).

[ZeroDiscipline]

Brandon says next season that he had 5 years of engagement ring payments planned for Kelly's ring. Ugh.

Does he have a job anymore? How can his dumbass afford that and his car?

[ZeroDiscipline]

The so-ridiculous-it's-awesomeness of "I choose me!" aside (I mean, pulling a Kelly Taylor has become a pop culture phrase!), the triangle in this episode was even more annoying than I remembered.  But I guess I'd have to side more with Brandon?  Though I guess it was kinda karmic payback for what happened with Emily earlier in the season?  Whatever, bring on Susan and Colin and Rebecca Gayheart.

The sophomore who said she marched for Donna...wasn't it only the juniors who joined the seniors because they didn't want a dress code?

I thought our hosts would have been more elated that, from here on out, We Never See Jesse Again.

It's just so out of nowhere that she and Dylan would get back together.

[ZeroDiscipline]

Awwww, I kind of love that Andrea just wrote Steve's paper for him. She no longer gives any fucks and has finally loosened up. Surprise parties are dumb though, grow up gang.

[Dave in Chicago]

I'm here to campaign: vote Clare for MVP of the season! She has a no BS attitude that is also low drama - she knows when to back down and is rarely saying things just to be a shit-stirrer. Yes, her David situation is stupid, but otherwise she's a breath of fresh air.

[ZeroDiscipline]

When has Dylan ever been mean to Kelly while drinking? Just that weird gala Donna coming-out party when he was on his bender, and they weren't even dating then. He is straight up mean to her sober, and she is mean right back, because they hate each other. Don't you try to fool me, show.

[Nanna]

What you can learn from this episode is that you need to get the hell away from your boyfriend and/or "soulmate" if he utters any of the following: 1)"We were together in a past life." 2)"If you were to choose between your friends and me, what would you choose?" Both Kelly and Donna should be backing away slowly, not turning their backs to those bastards, because crazy.
I really don't want to side with Brandon, but at least he asks Kelly to marry him and move in with him. I suspect Dylan would book a time at the nearest church and invite Kelly there, not telling her that he's planned a wedding ceremony for them because they were married in the wild west.
I can't help but giving the writers a tiny amount of credit for how they've built Ray up as an abuser. His whole way of blaming Donna for everything (not giving him enough time, for ruining his career because she wanted him to come back, for spending to much time with her friends) and his way of painting a picture of himself as a patient boyfriend who's being let down by her again and again is really creepy.

[TeeVee329]

59 minutes ago, Dave in Chicago said:

I'm here to campaign: vote Clare for MVP of the season! She has a no BS attitude that is also low drama - she knows when to back down and is rarely saying things just to be a shit-stirrer. Yes, her David situation is stupid, but otherwise she's a breath of fresh air.

I hear you on the argument for Claire, but c'mon, the Season MVP has to be Val's Boobs.

[Earmuffs Mom]

33 minutes ago, TeeVee329 said:

1 hour ago, Dave in Chicago said:

I'm here to campaign: vote Clare for MVP of the season! She has a no BS attitude that is also low drama - she knows when to back down and is rarely saying things just to be a shit-stirrer. Yes, her David situation is stupid, but otherwise she's a breath of fresh air.

I hear you on the argument for Claire, but c'mon, the Season MVP has to be Val's Boobs.

Claire certainly doesn't deserve it later when her and Steve drone on and on and on in Season 7.  She's fine with Steve initially, but she gets really mean and snarky with him as their relationship goes on.

[Jax7917]

I'm gonna side with Brandon with the triangle. Him and kelly were actually dating at the time and dylan just swooped in. Kelly is really something. She only wants people when she doesn't have them and drops people she has like a hot potato... brandon, dylan, matt, etc. Not sure how Brandon ever went on to date her again. That would have been it for me once she even had to think about breaking up with me when offered another option

[SimplyLo]

I remember watching this when I was a...youth...and being really confused about Dylan and Kelly seemingly wanting to get back together. I remember him tackling her and the two of them kissing and thinking, "Wait...isn't she dating Brandon? Where did that come from?" I'm glad that I still have the same reaction - it seriously came out of nowhere for me. I do love the slow build of Ray turning into the worst - that rang quite true to me. And yes, Val's boobs are MVP for the season.

[kellysdietpills]

one vote FOR the bear shirt. not sorry.

[StatMom]

I, too, was mis-remembering where "I choose me!" took place. I think I crossed it up with the Brenda-Dylan-Kelly Summer of Betrayal Walk, and I pictured it in a random park. I certainly wasn't thinking of the PPAD entrance. Oh well, it achieved meme status, anyway.

[ZeroDiscipline]

I guess you two aren't going to have Nanna to kick around anymore.

Nana will be back- she wouldn't miss Steve's 21st birthday party on the Queen Mary! And there will always be the 5 year reunion episode, where she comes back after having failed at just about everything. I always hated that narrative. They should have let Andrea succeed, she did actually earn everything she had.

[TeeVee329]

19 minutes ago, ZeroDiscipline said:

Nana will be back

But Jesse never will! 

*throws confetti*

[MCMLXXVII]

4 hours ago, ZeroDiscipline said:

Would you look at the size of David's pants in that first shot? I remember that look being a thing in the 90s, but he is way too old at that point to be attempting it. That is 16 year old styling, not 20 year old. 

Not necessarily. David was into hip-hop, though the shirt doesn't really imply that. I guess that's his version of a Kangol hat? 

The JNCO-style jeans were more of a skater/ rave/ electronica look though. Can't see if those are elephant leg, or just large. Actually those are due to make a comeback any day now that we've had the rest of the early '90s.

Edited January 26, 2017 by MCMLXXVII

[bethster2000]

1995: I had one of those necklaces Kelly is wearing when she chooses herself.

p.s. Doesn't she go to New York now supposedly, to "model"? Uh, yeah, maybe after you grow three inches and lose 25 pounds, sweetheart.

I hate Kelly. Skank to the millionth degree.

[Molly Cule]

3 hours ago, Earmuffs Mom said:

Claire certainly doesn't deserve it later when her and Steve drone on and on and on in Season 7.  She's fine with Steve initially, but she gets really mean and snarky with him as their relationship goes on.

Duuuude, the worst. It's like the writers were doing their level best to make us hate her before she left and Carly/Carly's wiener ginger kid (who I didn't realize until very recently is also Travolta's wiener kid from Face/Off) were forced upon us. I lost my mom at an even earlier age than Clare, and yeah, it sucks, but stay out of your father's dating life, creepo. Eugggh. 

[Molly Cule]

1 hour ago, MCMLXXVII said:

 

The JNCO-style jeans were more of a skater/ rave/ electronica look though. Can't see if those are elephant leg, or just large. Actually those are due to make a comeback any day now that we've had the rest of the early '90s.

Is now a good time to mention I owned and operated a pair of pants with legs that were 84" around? That's each leg. Eighty-four inches of denim. 

Edited January 26, 2017 by Molly Cule

[TeeVee329]

3 hours ago, Earmuffs Mom said:

Claire certainly doesn't deserve it later when her and Steve drone on and on and on in Season 7.  She's fine with Steve initially, but she gets really mean and snarky with him as their relationship goes on.

Yeah, their opposites attract relationship starts out cute, but it does become much more mean-spirited in Season 7.  Which I think even the writers realize, because they have that whole episode where she overacts to something, Steve refuses her apology this time, and Claire has to make more of an effort to get him to forgive her.

Relatedly, how crazy is it that, except for Val early in the season, Steve had no romantic interest/storyline in Season 5.

[TeslaNewton]

5 hours ago, Earmuffs Mom said:

Claire certainly doesn't deserve it later when her and Steve drone on and on and on in Season 7.  She's fine with Steve initially, but she gets really mean and snarky with him as their relationship goes on.

That was a classic emotionally abusive relationship that the writers inadvertently wrote. 

[Dave in Chicago]

Also, how on earth was this not the season finale? Every storyline is basically wrapped up, extraneous characters said goodbye... whatever last minute surprise the show pulls, that's just terrible structure.

[MCMLXXVII]

3 hours ago, bethster2000 said:

1995: I had one of those necklaces Kelly is wearing when she chooses herself.

The Y necklaces, The Rachel- we are approaching peak '90s.

Yay on the bear shirt, and Clare's floral satin stretch t-shirt in that scene if worn with bell-bottom pants/ jeans.

[JaggedLilPill]

3 hours ago, TeslaNewton said:

That was a classic emotionally abusive relationship that the writers inadvertently wrote. 

THIS. 

I don't think that's what they were going for, but shit, that's what it was. I don't use the word abusive lightly, but rewatching it now, Claire's definitely verbally abusive to him. Constantly calling him stupid, etc. Uncomfortable to watch, at least for me.

[MerBearStare]

6 hours ago, Molly Cule said:

Carly/Carly's wiener ginger kid (who I didn't realize until very recently is also Travolta's wiener kid from Face/Off)

I gotta go. My damn wiener kids are listening.

6 hours ago, TeeVee329 said:

Which I think even the writers realize, because they have that whole episode where she overacts to something, Steve refuses her apology this time, and Claire has to make more of an effort to get him to forgive her.

IIRC, she's on the phone with Steve when she kicks her drink onto her computer and then somehow blames Steve for it. Then he brings over a disk with some kind of rescue program on it and finally stands up for himself. I like Claire, but I HATE her relationship with Steve. She really was awful to him.

12 hours ago, ZeroDiscipline said:

It's just so out of nowhere that she and Dylan would get back together.

Yeah, I think the writers should have really had more Dylan and Kelly interactions between Kelly leaving the cult and Dylan showing up on her doorstep in the last episode. They could have made it more of a slow burn, but instead it just went from like 0 to 60.

While I'm not a huge fan of the Palm Springs episode, it has my favorite 90210 scene. When Ray pushes Donna down the stairs and for a few seconds Donna very obviously turns into a man in a bleach blonde wig.

[Halo]

Like Tara and Sarah, I misremembered the location/scene of "I choose me." In fact, maybe I never actually watched it, just read the Mediarama recap. 

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say there were no MVPs for this episode. Blech. 

[Halo]

I want to burn the bear shirt AND Claire's floral shirt, but I'm afraid they're flame-resistant. Evil B.O. factories, those poly tops. 

[WhosThatGirl]

I really thought this choose me happened after Kelly gets her single white story. Whatever. The reruns blend together, SOAPNET I miss you! Also I just want to make a note because whenever people mention an I Choose Me storyline-and I am guilty of this too- they always pull the Kelly Taylor moment but: DJ Tanner of Full House had a "I choose me" episode of her very own that aired before this episode did. Just saying. It needed to be noted. ;)

[itainttippithebird]

Quote

Like Tara and Sarah, I misremembered the location/scene of "I choose me."

As did I, and I thiiiiink? what might be happening is that I was conflating the I choose me with Kelly and Brandon mutually calling it off at the altar in a few seasons? Either way, I was kinda shocked when I watching this ep a few weeks ago and realized I choose me was such a comparatively small and casual moment compared to my memory of it.

Quote

I suspect Dylan would book a time at the nearest church and invite Kelly there, not telling her that he's planned a wedding ceremony for them because they were married in the wild west.

That, or years down the road when she wants to get married, he says there's no NEED because they already married in a past life, so what's the point of a piece of paper in the here and now?

[itainttippithebird]

I watched this ep in advance of the podcast and literally SQUAWKED aloud when Nana gave all the dudes an intensely passionate on-the-lips kiss as she leaves! Maybe Carteris was like, fuck it, if I'm going out, I'm going out having kissed Luke Perry, motherfuckers!

AND ANOTHER THING: I hate that Kelly's rationale for choosing herself is, in part, explained as a sacrifice to preserve Dylan and Brandon's friendship (in this episode or one of the next couple, can't remember). A. that's bullshit, B. that's so St. Kelly, and C. that's not at all in the feministy spirit that "pulling a Kelly Taylor" has come to be associated with!

[txhorns79]

Quote

When Ray pushes Donna down the stairs and for a few seconds Donna very obviously turns into a man in a bleach blonde wig.

Part of me wishes we had gotten some kind of blooper reel following the scene of Ray pushing various cast members (excepting Valerie) down the stairs, and ending with a scene of Jim and Cindy pushing Brandon down the stairs. 

Quote

Surprise parties are dumb though, grow up gang.

Not to mention that it doesn't say much for Andrea that her only "guests" were the gang (and not even all of them could be bothered to show up), her high school Vice Principal and her high school English teacher. 

Edited January 27, 2017 by txhorns79

[Jax7917]

I never understood brandon and kelly's reasoning for calling off the wedding. It was something about walking under chandeliers... was that just kind gesture for not being into her bitchiness anymore?

[Jax7917]

1 hour ago, itainttippithebird said:

AND ANOTHER THING: I hate that Kelly's rationale for choosing herself is, in part, explained as a sacrifice to preserve Dylan and Brandon's friendship (in this episode or one of the next couple, can't remember). A. that's bullshit, B. that's so St. Kelly, and C. that's not at all in the feministy spirit that "pulling a Kelly Taylor" has come to be associated with!

Yeah I choose me is code for, "if I dump both of them, they'll both be fighting for me and kissing the ground I walk on, so let's try that".

But also, she was dating brandon at that time.. how are u gonna just dump your boyfriend when someone else offers u basically.. money... and then still manage to preserve a friendship with him after that. I think kelly always knew that brandon would kiss her feet no matter what, but she knew dylan would get over her within minutes. That's why she could never get over dylan. It couldn't have been their amazing relationship that made her love him all those years.

Best scene I saw yesterday was when dylan found out about brando and kelly and he was like... " MY BEST FRIEND AND MY BEST GIRL???".. and was basically telling brandon how effed up he was for doing that to him... meanwhile 1 season before that brenda just needed to "get over it" when kelly and dylan went behind brenda's back... I hate hypocrites.

[AndySmith]

Didn't JP leave the show shortly after the wedding? It might have just been a clumsy way for the writers to break them up to facilitate Brandon's departure, though in hindsight you have to wonder why they went through with the story at all if that was the case.

Unless I'm remembering the timing of the wedding and Brandon's leaving wrong, in which case, forget what I said.

[ZeroDiscipline]

They were "both sides of the same circle" and did not complete each other. Neither of them felt like swinging from the chandeliers with the others. In other words-- they were both the same kind of asshole, and you can't have two of the same kind of asshole in the relationship. That's why she eventually reunited with Dylan. He is a DIFFERENT kind of asshole than Brandon, and they complete each other.

[CurlyATX]

I really REALLY wish that Brandon had not proposed and instead just dumped Kelly.  Why is he competing with Dylan over this?

I didn't like the term paper and Steve... although he can be the least irritating one in the group, his entitlement is just too much.  You know he assumes any kid of color is there due to affirmative action and yet he is skating by on his privilege.   Also wouldn't any teacher of Steve's take one look at Ondrea's paper and cry plagiary? I don't think Ondrea has it in her to dumb down her work.

I will give it to Clare for her honest talk with Donna.  I think Donna does feel that as a virgin, she should take anyone she can get because she's somehow subpar.  It's very mature advice that Clare gives- Donna does deserve to view herself as a prize and have someone love and respect her.  Donna and Clare are both dating beneath them. 

[itainttippithebird]

Quote

But also, she was dating brandon at that time.. how are u gonna just dump your boyfriend when someone else offers u basically.. money... and then still manage to preserve a friendship with him after that.

As I recall, they also break up like this after they mutually agree to not get married in a couple seasons, which really puzzled me as a teenager. If you both love each other and mutually agree that you don't want to get married just yet, why is that grounds for a breakup?! As an adult, I guess I can see how that might be perceived as an omen of relationship death, if you're the kind of people who think that romantic relationships should be a timely march to marriage, but I'm still kinda like, huh?

[Jax7917]

Yeah thats true but I think they ended the relationship itself because they just weren't all that into each other anymore. Kelly always only seemed to be interested in guys when she wasn't with them. The second she was in a relationship with them, she always wanted another guy.

[TeslaNewton]

15 hours ago, JaggedLilPill said:

THIS. 

I don't think that's what they were going for, but shit, that's what it was. I don't use the word abusive lightly, but rewatching it now, Claire's definitely verbally abusive to him. Constantly calling him stupid, etc. Uncomfortable to watch, at least for me.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the writers were not going the abusive relationship route. It really struck me when I rewatched several years ago. It was and is very uncomfortable to watch and kind of interesting. Even though the writers never acknowledged the abuse, it showed that men aren't the only abusers, that women can be abusers, too. Looking back, it really could've been a great PSA for men who are afraid to admit to being abused.

[TeeVee329]

4 hours ago, AndySmith said:

Didn't JP leave the show shortly after the wedding? It might have just been a clumsy way for the writers to break them up to facilitate Brandon's departure, though in hindsight you have to wonder why they went through with the story at all if that was the case.

Unless I'm remembering the timing of the wedding and Brandon's leaving wrong, in which case, forget what I said.

Yup, the aborted wedding was a season finale and JP left five episodes into the next season.  I think it was a clumsy way to break them up without having either be at fault.

[MCMLXXVII]

3 hours ago, itainttippithebird said:

As I recall, they also break up like this after they mutually agree to not get married in a couple seasons, which really puzzled me as a teenager. If you both love each other and mutually agree that you don't want to get married just yet, why is that grounds for a breakup?! As an adult, I guess I can see how that might be perceived as an omen of relationship death, if you're the kind of people who think that romantic relationships should be a timely march to marriage, but I'm still kinda like, huh?

Yeah, but better to just prolong the engagement, you don't figure that out at the friggin altar after having wasted everyone's time and money.

The older I get, the more I hate that trope- l buy a dress and a gift, maybe travel, pay for hotel, and then some bullshit? Nah.

[SoupThrower]

The best chance to bray and have it being legit, he doesn't do it. smh Brandon. 

I find it quite amusing that the girls (except Val) can string two guys and it's okay (Kelly and Donna do it a lot). Well I guess those two characters get a pass. 

I always felt bad for Bran the Man. His girlfriend basically cheats on him because of a couple of dreams from another guy. But he was better off without Kelly even if he is a jerk. "I choose me" works if you don't go and date some guy during a 'modelling' career and then complain about when the other guy gets engaged and married. 

 

Kelly is the worst. 

[SoupThrower]

At least we get drunk Brandon which is amusing. 

Didn't Kelly say she wanted a relationship still with Brandon next episode? I swear that happened.

[scarynikki12]

It does.  Kelly's "I Choose Me" lasts all of two weeks in show and one week in real life.

[benteen]

11 hours ago, itainttippithebird said:

As I recall, they also break up like this after they mutually agree to not get married in a couple seasons, which really puzzled me as a teenager. If you both love each other and mutually agree that you don't want to get married just yet, why is that grounds for a breakup?! As an adult, I guess I can see how that might be perceived as an omen of relationship death, if you're the kind of people who think that romantic relationships should be a timely march to marriage, but I'm still kinda like, huh?

I remember thinking I would have been pissed to have been invited to a wedding where the bride and groom pulled that shit.