S05.E26: A Song For My Mother

[Primetimer]

A fun spring break in Portland is ruined by David's heretofore unseen mother and her inconvenient mental illness.

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[Primetimer]

Especially the ones about Dylan's revolting self-pedicuring in S05.E26, 'A Song For My Mother.'

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[ZeroDiscipline]

Since it turns out later that Val actually killed her father, her quote about her dad only getting one life so he better make it good really comes out wrong.

[Halo]

46 minutes ago, ZeroDiscipline said:

Since it turns out later that Val actually killed her father, her quote about her dad only getting one life so he better make it good really comes out wrong.

This really demonstrates how much the writers were making it up as they went along. I mean, it's a soap, so I get that that's typical, but they obviously didn't have a plan of any sort for Val or for Ray.

[TeeVee329]

2 hours ago, Halo said:

This really demonstrates how much the writers were making it up as they went along. I mean, it's a soap, so I get that that's typical, but they obviously didn't have a plan of any sort for Val or for Ray.

I dunno about Ray.  Like Sarah D. Bunting pointed out, the writers actually did a decent job of establishing Ray as being the type who could/would abuse his girlfriend.

[profreader]

Oh. That. Must-Not-ache. It's got to go. My "look I made a whisker!" teen self is cringing in embarrassment.

Also, I must be drunk because somehow Dylan looks semi-cute in some of these shots. Obviously NOT with the foot-picking because GAAAGHH but maybe it's angling his face down... ? Maybe...? I remember in last ep's Visual Aids his forehead looked like a dirt road after a hard rain so... who knows what I'm seeing in him now.

And as always, I welcome our new overlords, Val's Boobs. The Overboobs. Uber-boobs, if you will.

[WhosThatGirl]

I agree that the Ray stuff was set up early on, or at least a few episodes ago when he and Val started hooking up randomly and he started getting all controlling with her AND with Donna when Val started becoming buddy buddy with her to make Ray mad. 

But I also agree that they had no idea on the Val story. That changed from the jump. Don't get me wrong, it was always somewhat obvious when she first arrived that her fathers death had more going on that what we were initially told but what we end up getting is totally different. 

This episode is one of the boring ones. The David story is okay but it's too wrapped up in Ray/Donna drama. It somehow ends up being more about them than David but whatever. 

[CurlyATX]

I'm shamefully admitting that I can see Ray's side to being so mad/irritated/frustrated with this visit. My hubs and I were in a long distance relationship for a year or so.  It's not easy, especially when you are young (I could do it in my sleep now).  Alone time and exploring the other's city is part of the fun.

This isn't Donna's fault, but it does go towards her boundary issues.  After all, there really was no need for Donna/David to fly to Portland together.  And, as sad as it is for David with his mom, this isn't Donna's problem.  They aren't dating, they aren't related.  If this were happening to me, I don't know if I'd call my best friend who I traveled with if I knew she was there to visit her long-distance BF. 

I don't agree with Ray's abusive nature but I can see why he's frustrated.  Maybe as a 40-yr old me, I'd realize that this is big life-changing stuff and my bf and I will have plenty of time to make out and not have sex.  But Ray's 25, right? He wanted to show off his gf to his group, probably wanted her to show her that he made it beyond the PPAD.  I'm sure he was hoping there'd be some more "expression of their love".  ewww..

[Klaw]

Quote

This isn't Donna's fault, but it does go towards her boundary issues.  After all, there really was no need for Donna/David to fly to Portland together.  And, as sad as it is for David with his mom, this isn't Donna's problem.  They aren't dating, they aren't related.  If this were happening to me, I don't know if I'd call my best friend who I traveled with if I knew she was there to visit her long-distance BF.

I dunno, I would totally call my best friend about something that huge, especially if I didn't know anyone else in the city - that would be very emotional for 40something me (misplacing a parent and all) but for a 19/20 year old? Scary stuff. And I would have expected Ray to not be such a brat about it - I get it he's disappointed, but it was his big idea to go on the road and all. But maybe I'm just a wimp, LOL! As for 25 y o Ray not having sex with Donna, I call total bullshit on dating a woman he couldn't bone.

And yes, whenever I watch this episode now, all I can do is think of CeeCee from Gossip Girl!!! 

[TeeVee329]

10 hours ago, WhosThatGirl said:

I agree that the Ray stuff was set up early on, or at least a few episodes ago when he and Val started hooking up randomly and he started getting all controlling with her AND with Donna when Val started becoming buddy buddy with her to make Ray mad. 

Even before that, we saw that he had a temper, i.e. him smashing the pumpkins when Donna broke a date with him. 

And I had actually forgotten the story he told Donna about his father shoving his mom down some stairs, that's some good foreshadowing for what's coming in the season finale.

Edited January 13, 2017 by TeeVee329

[MCMLXXVII]

1 hour ago, Klaw said:

As for 25 y o Ray not having sex with Donna, I call total bullshit on dating a woman he couldn't bone.P

Exactly! It would be one thing if he was a virgin too, or asexual, or religious or whatever but this is just weird. He's not even really goldigging per LuAnn's advice.

Although it does kind of fit with his controlling abusive personality to date someone he can put on this "Madonna" pedestal (even though he's not really the one controlling Donna's sexuality), and then have Valerie as the "whore". Or maybe Donna sees her virginity as a dating obstacle and should be sooo grateful to have a guy who'll respect that. ?

[SoupThrower]

9 hours ago, CurlyATX said:

 

This isn't Donna's fault, but it does go towards her boundary issues.  After all, there really was no need for Donna/David to fly to Portland together.  And, as sad as it is for David with his mom, this isn't Donna's problem.  They aren't dating, they aren't related.  If this were happening to me, I don't know if I'd call my best friend who I traveled with if I knew she was there to visit her long-distance BF. 

 

I kind of disagree with that. If it were my friend, I would help them as much as possible. Helping friends are important especially with something as big as that and I would take it as my problem/my responsibility. 

Anyway David gets his own storyline for the first time in a long time and Donna gets most of the shots. Poor Brian. But he solves stuff with 'Squash it' so it works out in the end. 

 

Did they skip the scene where David tells Donna that if Ray does anything to hurt her, she should tell him or something. I think they would have cause music rights. 

Edited January 14, 2017 by SoupThrower

[WhosThatGirl]

1 hour ago, SoupThrower said:

I kind of disagree with that. If it were my friend, I would help them as much as possible. Helping friends are important especially with something as big as that and I would take it as my problem/my responsibility. 

Anyway David gets his own storyline for the first time in a long time and Donna gets most of the shots. Poor Brian. But he solves stuff with 'Squash it' so it works out in the end. 

 

Did they skip the scene where David tells Donna that if Ray does anything to hurt her, she should tell him or something. I think they would have cause music rights. 

I think I would help out my friend too in this situation. Also sorry but Ray is an insensitive jerk throughout the whole situation. The guy apparently has no empathy. It's not surprising but still. I don't get what his appeal was.

[vendredi3]

16 hours ago, SoupThrower said:

Did they skip the scene where David tells Donna that if Ray does anything to hurt her, she should tell him or something. I think they would have cause music rights. 

Yeah, there's a scene directly after Valerie's tattoo reveal where Donna and David listen to Ray breath-croon his hits. David sees Donna gazing longingly at Ray, and David says that she must really love Ray. Donna confirms, and David says that Ray had better treat her right or he'll have to answer to him. Also David mentions wanting to get back into music after hearing the tape from his childhood, setting up the Squash It plot for next week.

[MissEwa]

I can see Ray getting disappointed that what he thought was going to be a week with Donna turned into something else. I think that's normal. But then if you're a decent person you're like 'well, that sucks for me but this is obviously more important so go help your friend and call me if you need anything and we'll catch up when we can'.

Given the way they treat big issues like this usually, the fact that 'Donna dates an abusive jerk' is not a three-episode arc where the last episode is David saving her is really pleasantly (but unpleasantly) surprising. They've been setting this up for so long. 

Val's various storylines, on the other hand... it's like they're drawing plotlines out of a hat and I know it's just going to get worse so ergh. 

I did not recognise that as being CeeCee from Gossip Girl and now I can't get over it. 

[benteen]

I forgot, Val really got a tattoo with Dylan's name on it?  If so, pathetic! 

[Picture It. Sicily]

13 hours ago, benteen said:

I forgot, Val really got a tattoo with Dylan's name on it?  If so, pathetic! 

No. It was fake. She was just fucking with him.

[Petunia13]

It's always weird how they do this Donna and David are BEST FRIENDS thing. Almost their entire relationship he was pretty patronizing, dismissive, and at the end a lying dick. Some friend. 

Bipolar plots like this always interest me since my mother is rapid cycling bipolar. The 90310 reboot and Degrassi the Next Generation (with handsome Craig...who also lost his mind and went homeless) did ok bipolar stories. I think the severity of it is marginalized  in tv. People do get mood swings but also suicidal tendencies, delusions and hallucinating, and physical aggression and sometimes acting out sexually. 

Mel's kinda a shitheel. 

[AndySmith]

Kinda?

[MissEwa]

He's the worst. His ex-wife with a history of mental illness stops cashing her alimony cheques so he does nothing but hopes it's because she's found someone to look after her? That's so ridiculous as to be implausible. I'd have to think even a total asshole would check in, even if it was just in the hope that his hope was correct and he could stop giving her money. 

I hope this doesn't sound victim-blamey because it absolutely doesn't excuse Ray's behaviour, but I am kinda on his initial side when it came to letting David and Donna borrow his truck. It would have been nice of him to offer if he wasn't using it, which he was, but it's not on him to sort out his girlfriend's friend's transportation issues, especially since there were other solutions available. Why *couldn't* David just hire a car? If I went to a strange city to search for a relative who didn't know I was coming where the only person I knew was a friend's boyfriend that would be the first thing I'd do. 

[adam807]

Is that a ghost in the shot of Donna looking sad outside?

[Sarah D. Bunting]

Quote

Why *couldn't* David just hire a car?

You have to be 25. Not that that obligates Ray to truck-share either, but although the show doesn't mention it, there was a legit reason Donna/David couldn't "just" get their own transpo.

[MissEwa]

Ah, that makes more sense then. I always assumed it wasn't that you couldn't hire a car if you were under 25, but just that it cost a lot more for insurance etc. (I'm not in the US and from memory that's the deal here in the land of the Bloody Roo). 

[Halo]

On 1/17/2017 at 7:15 AM, Sarah D. Bunting said:

You have to be 25. Not that that obligates Ray to truck-share either, but although the show doesn't mention it, there was a legit reason Donna/David couldn't "just" get their own transpo.

Although he was probably too good for public transpo, David should have taken his ass around Portland on the Max. Contemporary to the show, it was free downtown. My friends and I would use it all the time when we Amtracked down to Portland in college--we were too young (and poor) to rent cars, but you kinda didn't need to in PDX. And I'm the same age as the gang. 

Edited January 18, 2017 by Halo

[Scarlett45]

Listening to the podcast now-

 

I too also give a side eye at Mel for not picking up the phone and giving Sheila a call when the checks stopped being cashed, given he knew her mental health issues. Not giving your Mom a phone call between Christmas Eve and Valentine’s Day is bad, but David didn’t have the information Mel had. 

 

Ray’s abuse of Donna was set up very well, with the escalation, apologies, lack of boundary etc. David’s mother is MISSING, she could be dead, and he’s upset that Donna wants to help him? (Especially given his own Mother’s alcoholism, which Donna points out) He’s incredibly selfish and jealous. The thing that’s great about Ray as a character is that you can understand how he feels but that doesn’t excuse the way he treats Donna. Most abusers are not sociopaths devoid of human emotion incapable of positive traits etc- they aren’t boogeymen. 

 

ETA- Sheila’s story came out of no where? I don’t think so. In season 2 it was established that she had a nervous breakdown during the divorce. Most people who don’t have previous issues with mental health/wellness don’t have a mental breakdown because they are getting divorced or their spouse was cheating. Also David living with Mel full time (and then Jackie/Kelly/Erin)- it was established Shelia wanted a stable home for him, and that’s why she agreed to the living arrangement. David as a minor living with someone not his mother in the 90s was an indicator that SHE wasn’t capable of providing a stable home for him alone. (Granted he was a teen and male, and there are women that think boys should live with their Dads once they are older for the strong male role model issuse). Seems Sheila did love David very much (no one is doubting that) but wasn’t well enough to parent him full time when there were other options for him, and I think the writers did a good job of setting that up. 

 

I could very well be fanwanking because we don’t even see Sheila until 5 seasons in....