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OnceSane

S05.E10: Summer House Rules

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Stassi continues her birthday trip at a Montauk clambake, where Katie finds Stassi potential new bachelors and Scheana and Kristen commit some seafood faux pas. Lala finally resurfaces to explain her disappearance, but Lisa isn't buying her wild lies. Ariana celebrates her birthday with Sandoval and Schwartz at a thrilling NASCAR race, but things grow tense after Jax disrespects Brittany. Later, Kristen, Katie and Scheana party at the Wirkus Twins' summer house, and sparks fly when Stassi finds herself alone in a hot tub with a handsome, young and successful New Yorker.

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It's billed as a 2-hour episode, but I have a feeling just about half of it will be another teaser for Bravo's Montauk show. A show I will NOT be watching

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1 hour ago, worleybird said:

It's billed as a 2-hour episode, but I have a feeling just about half of it will be another teaser for Bravo's Montauk show. A show I will NOT be watching

I just can't bear to give it a chance either, not even for 10 minutes.

The VPR people are (or at least were) entertaining, and stupid in a funny way; I love seeing scenes of sunny West Hollywood, palm trees and even crappy but bright LA apartments.  But a bunch of drunken idiots in the Hamptons has no entertainment value whatsoever.

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3 hours ago, PumpkinPK said:

I just can't bear to give it a chance either, not even for 10 minutes.

The VPR people are (or at least were) entertaining, and stupid in a funny way; I love seeing scenes of sunny West Hollywood, palm trees and even crappy but bright LA apartments.  But a bunch of drunken idiots in the Hamptons has no entertainment value whatsoever.

I fully expect it to be terrible…which is why I will watch it.

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1 hour ago, OnceSane said:

I fully expect it to be terrible…which is why I will watch it.

I'm always willing to give these desperate new series a few looks,((although these ski lodge shows with charmless fameho's that they keep tossing at us are **all** such flaming turds)) since my reality television bar is apparently set fairly low. Like I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed short-lived shows like "Gallery Girls", "Miss Advised"((that was mainly good just for hate-watching)) and "Blood, Sweat & Heels." Hell, even "Courtney Loves Dallas" and "100 Days of Summer" were pleasant enough in my book for something to watch as background fodder.

So yeah, I'll watch 2-3 episodes of "Summer House" before I make my final judgement on these rich douchecanoes. They'll be good for real estate porn, at least. Very wise of Bravo to attempt the magic striking twice with the strategic reality show cross-over.

Edited by Sun-Bun
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No, Scheana, eating a lobster is NOT the same as eating a cat.  I think I lost some brain cells watching this ep.

I watch this show for the chucklefucks I know.  Look, producers, don't try to throw new chucklefucks at me, especially when they're douchebags from another show Bravo is trying to push.  I muted most of the stuff with the douchebag idiots from the new Bravo show I'm not gonna watch & have no interest in.

Idk how Brittany (or anyone) can be in a relationship with Jax.  He's a vile pig.

Tequila Katie?  Ew, good luck living with that, Schwartzie.

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Oh no. They're totally doing the episode crossover again. The last time this worked, I think Mork was fighting the Fonz.

Hi, Tom!

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Definitely not watching the 2nd hour of this. I do not care about any of those other people and they don't even seem a little entertaining. I'm also sure they all have these crazy stressful jobs..yea right lol.

Stassi's bday scenes were pretty boring. I was enjoying the Sonoma scenes much more. Tom S cracks me up with his flat iron.

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Dear BRAVO,

I want to burn Summer House to the ground.

You managed though to find a group of people that make the Vanderpump Rules cast look like the most deep, thought provoking complex group of Californians ever.  Kyle is as exciting as cold Cream of Celery soup out of the can.

Stop the crossovers.  There is no hope for this show.

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Yikes, I take back what I said earlier about giving this show a chance---I could barely last through 15 minutes of "Summer House". Talk about yet another random cast of thirsty fameho's thrown together to desperately grasp for relevance. Total wannabe WASP's with vague "stressful" careers trying to convince the world they're special and unique enough to watch for nearly an hour weekly. Please, that's what watching the cast of VR is for, only without the WASPy pretension, so don't steal their lovably crass, dim-witted thunder!

And as for Kyle, as pathetically amusing as his drunken attempts to flirt with Stassi truly were, he actually makes that warthog Jax seem likable in comparison. I'd seriously rather watch sweaty Jax farting in his castmates' faces repeatedly than watch weasley Kyle do his drunken tai-chi, no joke.

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I truly loved this. 

Great reality television.

Worlds collding and each finding the other lacking.

But they look so alike!!

I dunno.  Go figure.

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Hi Flat Iron!

Ok, had to get that out of the way.  Pretty quiet episode. The Sonoma scenes were far more entertaining despite that hideous ensemble Ariana put together at the racetrack followed by those Crackerjack earrings. It might have had something to do with the Stassi, Kristin, Katie, and Scheana SHOVING (down out throats) and PLUGGING that awful summer house show. Blah! I'll pass!

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19 minutes ago, Thumper said:

Those girls don't know what a clambake is??? (It looked good, BTW.)

And there was Scheana again. "I don't eat this." "I don't eat that." "Ew." Etcetera, etc., etc. So I stand by my opinion from last week: Don't want to drink? Fine. Don't want to eat? Fine. Say it graciously, and don't whine or make a big deal about it. Yet that isn't possible for Scheana, who--from season one--has chosen to take a fairly minor or common situation and squeeze as much drama out of it as she could.

Edited by ivygirl
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Summer House = Jersey Shore with money, and some modicum of intelligence.

Jax is a douche, and Brittany must be desperate to be on television.  He's an over-the-hill frat boy (or wanna-be frat boy) who annoys the hell out of everyone.

Loved Arianna explaining to Brittany what "misogynist" meant.  "Does that word mean that he gives me massages?"....Brittany is just too cute! 

And, why did Lisa talk Lala into staying?  

Best part of the episode - no James, at all!  :-)

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16 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

And there was Scheana again. "I don't eat this." "I don't eat that." "Ew." Etcetera, etc., etc. So I stand by my opinion from last week: Don't want to drink? Fine. Don't want to eat? Fine. Say it graciously, and don't whine or make a big deal about it. Yet that isn't possible for Scheana, who--from season one--has chosen to take a fairly minor or common situation and squeeze as much drama out of it as she could.

Scheana should have said she was a vegetarian and Kristen shouldn't have been grilling people about the lobster if she wasn't going to eat it.  Just take the damn thing and push it around your plate and talk about something else until they take your plate.  You don't have to be Jackie Kennedy to have basic manners down by the time you are almost 30.  

Also, Kristen thought "WASPy" had something to do with wasps?

And I know a lot of people think FI is a douchebag, but I can't help it, I think he is a nice guy.  He was so supportive of Mike during his rehab and when he told Brittany that nothing Jax said made her look bad, it was sweet.

Edited by ninjago
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That's what amazes and amuses me the most about this cast: their shameless pride in a complete lack of knowledge of general vocabulary, social terms and personality types. No idea what WASP means, utter confusion over the term "misogynist", befuddlement over clam bakes and charcuterie...no wonder Ariana considers herself such a genius intellectual after hanging out with these mouth breathers for so long...

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11 minutes ago, ivygirl said:

And there was Scheana again. "I don't eat this." "I don't eat that." "Ew." Etcetera, etc., etc. So I stand by my opinion from last week: Don't want to drink? Fine. Don't want to eat? Fine. Say it graciously, and don't whine or make a big deal about it. Yet that isn't possible for Scheana, who--from season one--has chosen to take a fairly minor or common situation and squeeze as much drama out of it as she could.

Last week I was on Scheana's side because I thought she was just trying to limit her calories through drinks. Tonight was another story.  Her whiny "I need a straw." "Ugh, I don't like seafood." "Ehhhhh! I don't want that." How on earth did Kristen manage to be better behaved? When they offered her mussels, she replied "I'm good." Kristen is a vegetarian and could have responded like Scheana, but didn't. Also if you need a straw to drink anything, then bitch pack some straws. 

It's ridiculous how obnoxious Jax is to Brittany. She very much believes in traditional gender roles. When he belabors the point, he just irritates her and she's 90% the deferential wife that he wants her to be.

I said last week that Bravo was going to pull the same thing they did when they spun Vanderpump Rules off of RHoBH. And they did.

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I turned the show off after the first hour when it seemed to be all Summer House. No Bravo you are not going to suck me into another trashy reality show. Well, until I am sick or extremely bored one day and catch a marathon, because that is generally how I get sucked into all these shows.

So Lala did not got on the trip to Sonoma because of Jax, then said something about how everyone is talking about her, which she ended with not having a healthy relationship since she was 17 years old? I am so confused. Why did Lisa talk her into staying?

I am fine with Scheana not liking seafood, but she does not have to announce it to everyone. Just eat whatever else is being served without all the drama. I even thought Kristen was annoying with her comments. 

On the plus side Katie seemed to be a bit more in the background this week. I did roll my eyes at everything Stassi though. I did laugh at Kyle calling her Steve Jobs. Then when Stassi was telling the rest of the people in the pool about that comment and the one guy jumped in late with something like"It is the turtleneck," cracked me up. 

The Sonoma trip was more fun for me to watch mainly because they were interacting with each other and not with another reality show cast.

Jax, make your own fucking sandwich! 

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Vanderpump is really the only bravo show I watch. I did watch project runway and Rachel Zoe though. Oh and that terrible show about the rich New York high school kids that wanted to be Laguna Beach but failed. And I got sucked into vanderpump when I watched the season 2 finale and consequently the reunion right after and then I had to watch them all, so chances are I'll be seeing summer house at some point maybe.

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Ok, but calling Stassi Steve Jobs in a see- through turtleneck and forgetting her name 5 times was hilarious to me. 

She was SO offended. How DARE she not be worshipped by all on her birthday month. 

( or she was acting, meh)  

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2 hours ago, ninjago said:

And I know a lot of people think FI is a douchebag, but I can't help it, I think he is a nice guy.  He was so supportive of Mike during his rehab and when he told Brittany that nothing Jax said made her look bad, it was sweet.

In previous seasons, he WAS a douche. The way he handled his relationship with Kristen was douchey. His mactor-ing and his flat iron usage were both so humorless. 

And yet I'm with you. This season he's been pretty funny and thoughtful. He's coming across as more intelligent and insightful. And he's pretty genuine. It was so interesting to see him get so pissed at Ariana during the "people (meaning *us*, lol) call you Grumpy Cat" conversation. I'm no Ariana fan, but I do think that breaking up with Kristen did him good.

1 hour ago, HunterHunted said:

How on earth did Kristen manage to be better behaved? When they offered her mussels, she replied "I'm good." Kristen is a vegetarian and could have responded like Scheana, but didn't. Also if you need a straw to drink anything, then bitch pack some straws. 

Right? When Kristen was concerned that she might encounter a luau-like situation, with a whole cooked pig, I got it. I'm not veg and that's... a lot. But she pretty much moved on, and was fine at the clambake. They asked her if she would ever try (something) and she was like "no way"--that's her natural reaction as a vegetarian. Scheana OTOH doesn't like seafood because it's "hard work," and was unafraid to repeat it anyone and everyone. 

Edited by ivygirl
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7 hours ago, njbchlover said:

Summer House = Jersey Shore with money, and some modicum of intelligence.

Jax is a douche, and Brittany must be desperate to be on television.  He's an over-the-hill frat boy (or wanna-be frat boy) who annoys the hell out of everyone.

Loved Arianna explaining to Brittany what "misogynist" meant.  "Does that word mean that he gives me massages?"....Brittany is just too cute! 

And, why did Lisa talk Lala into staying?  

Best part of the episode - no James, at all!  :-)

I don't think it's cute.  It's stupid.  If Porsha from Atlanta Housewives had said that she'd be called stupid all over the place.

Everyone thinks Brittany is so cute and too good for Jax.  Nope.  I'm telling you all there's something more to this chick.  She's moves halfway across the Country to be with a guy she just met, let's him buy her new boobs, let's him talk to her like crap.  She's in this for the tv stardom, fame and money.  She's not as innocent as she looks.  I guarantee it.  You'll see.  You'll all see!  lol

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I think what Jax said is a little telling -- he said Brittany is becoming more like an LA girl and it annoyed him. 

Not that I care if Jax is annoyed ;) But -- If she *just* wanted to move to LA for Jax, then she probably wouldn't have assimilated quite so quickly. 

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7 hours ago, ninjago said:

And I know a lot of people think FI is a douchebag, but I can't help it, I think he is a nice guy.  He was so supportive of Mike during his rehab and when he told Brittany that nothing Jax said made her look bad, it was sweet.

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again....I LOVE TOM :-)    Hi Tom!!  

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8 hours ago, ivygirl said:

And there was Scheana again. "I don't eat this." "I don't eat that." "Ew." Etcetera, etc., etc. So I stand by my opinion from last week: Don't want to drink? Fine. Don't want to eat? Fine. Say it graciously, and don't whine or make a big deal about it. Yet that isn't possible for Scheana, who--from season one--has chosen to take a fairly minor or common situation and squeeze as much drama out of it as she could.

"Cats have claws - I don;t eat lobster"

May just be my mantra for 2017 ...

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What is so confusing about a clam bake??? 

Anyhow, I'm going to eat crow now. I defended her all last week, but I will admit it - Scheana was being super annoying with her refusal to eat/drink anything. Girl is HIGH maintenance! Look, it was one thing when she was just with Stassi and the Coven, and Stassi is constantly trying to micromanage every move you make. But now you've been invited to a nice function with people you just met. Use some manners! And I'm actually a fairly picky person. I don't love this about myself, but I don't have the most adventurous pallet. But what I do have is manners. I always try to take a little bit of things I don't like or am unsure about. Then I load my plate with stuff I do like. I eat little bits here and there and try to be nice about it. Unless you have an allergy, is it going to kill you to nibble on some lobster? She just kept going on and on about how she doesn't like fish and how can people eat that???? Very immature behavior. 

Other than that, I was loving Montauk this week - simply because of Stassi and her struggle suitor. I seriously want a spin off that features Stassi trying to date. Because that shit was hilarious! "You look very well put together". Who says that? "You did a good job with the hairspray, not a flyaway to be seen. I also appreciate that your makeup isn't all shiny this late in the evening." Just a weird compliment. 

But then he turns around and says she looks like Steve Jobs!!! "The only way this could be worse is if you were a serial killer." Oh. I was dying. That shit was amazing. 

 

Sonoma, on the other hand, has gotten tense and funky. You couldn't pay me to stay in that RV with all those dudes. Ariana and Brittany are troopers, that's for sure. And poor Brittany. Jax is just as ass. What is wrong with her that she puts up with his horrible attitude and put downs???? I just don't even get the nature of their relationship. He keeps talking about paying for everything, but Brittany works. Does she not contribute? If he chooses to LET her live there on his dime, even though she's pulling in a paycheck, well that's on him. Did they establish some agreement before she got there - "I'll pay all the bills, but you gotta do my laundry and make me sammiches"? Or did he just expect that since she was from the south, that's the way it would naturally be? I just can't. 

I adore Brittany's 2nd grade vocabulary. What's massagenistic? We need to take a shot every time Brittany doesn't know a word. We'll be dead by the end of the hour. 

FLOVE Sandoval getting his flat iron signed! That was classic. 

 

Lisa, WHY did you talk Lala out of quitting? WHY?????

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8 hours ago, ninjago said:

And I know a lot of people think FI is a douchebag, but I can't help it, I think he is a nice guy.  He was so supportive of Mike during his rehab and when he told Brittany that nothing Jax said made her look bad, it was sweet.

I agree. I also think he was sincerely upset when the nightclub shooting happened. He can be a bit much at times, but I think he as a genuinely big heart and tries to do the right thing most of the time. 

 

8 hours ago, HunterHunted said:

Also if you need a straw to drink anything, then bitch pack some straws. 

All the straw talk was freaking me out. Straws are horrible for the environment. Every year over a million sea birds (and over 100,00 marine animals) die because of plastic consumption. Straws are a big part of this. Why does everyone always need a straw??? If you're going to insist on one, get a heavy duty reusable one and carry it with you. Damn. 

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What I find interesting is that Brittany is the only person about whom the other cast members seem to consistently say nice things. I figure that if this pile of gossipy jerks doesn't find a reason to shit-talk you, you must be pretty damn nice.

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Holy shit, of ALLLLL the gazillion single guys in Manhattan, the best they could come up with are these 4? They are all complete losers except the military guy and it's only because of his service to our country that give him points. It looks like in episodes to come he shows his ass as well, though.  

They actually make the VPR guys look a lil' charming and cute....

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10 minutes ago, ghoulina said:

I agree. I also think he was sincerely upset when the nightclub shooting happened. He can be a bit much at times, but I think he as a genuinely big heart and tries to do the right thing most of the time. 

 

All the straw talk was freaking me out. Straws are horrible for the environment. Every year over a million sea birds (and over 100,00 marine animals) die because of plastic consumption. Straws are a big part of this. Why does everyone always need a straw??? If you're going to insist on one, get a heavy duty reusable one and carry it with you. Damn. 

Sandoval is actually really sensitive. He was super jazzed to make sure Shay looked good and had a great time at his wedding.

I agree about the straws thing. Even as I was posting my original comment, I had another tab open to gold reusable straws because Scheana is...good as gold! Seriously though, reusable straws are not that expensive. She should buy some. However, lack of straws doesn't seem to inhibit her ability to drink water or shots.

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I gave myself a hernia laughing at the scene where Stassi screws up her face and says to Katie that maybe they too should have thought about you know, jobs where you had to like, go to grad school? And Katie the boss bitch thinks no, not so much. That scene was priceless. These waffling fatuous morons getting a glimpse (a faux one, but still a glimpse) of a whole nother level of aspiration. I'm glad Katie cut Stassi off before she imploded on the beach. This is like sending the HWs of Jersey on a vacay with NYC or BH. And when Kristen announces 'so, who's banging who?', like it's acceptable dinner conversation and shut the table down for an entire second? My 2nd favourite moment. Going to continue with this festival tomorrow, it's too much late at night.

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10 hours ago, Sun-Bun said:

Yikes, I take back what I said earlier about giving this show a chance---I could barely last through 15 minutes of "Summer House". Talk about yet another random cast of thirsty fameho's thrown together to desperately grasp for relevance. Total wannabe WASP's with vague "stressful" careers trying to convince the world they're special and unique enough to watch for nearly an hour weekly. Please, that's what watching the cast of VR is for, only without the WASPy pretension, so don't steal their lovably crass, dim-witted thunder!

And as for Kyle, as pathetically amusing as his drunken attempts to flirt with Stassi truly were, he actually makes that warthog Jax seem likable in comparison. I'd seriously rather watch sweaty Jax farting in his castmates' faces repeatedly than watch weasley Kyle do his drunken tai-chi, no joke.

I didn't even make it through the first 15 minutes.   Horrible

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2 hours ago, Sai said:

I don't think it's cute.  It's stupid.  If Porsha from Atlanta Housewives had said that she'd be called stupid all over the place.

Everyone thinks Brittany is so cute and too good for Jax.  Nope.  I'm telling you all there's something more to this chick.  She's moves halfway across the Country to be with a guy she just met, let's him buy her new boobs, let's him talk to her like crap.  She's in this for the tv stardom, fame and money.  She's not as innocent as she looks.  I guarantee it.  You'll see.  You'll all see!  lol

Thank you so much for this!  I've been dying to come here and say the same thing!  I do not like Brittany at all and I've always thought there was more to her than she is showing. Maybe it's just because I live in her neck of the woods and hate that she is from here and people may think we are all like her because we are not. There is no way she didn't know what kind of person Jax was before moving there and I think she will take everything he has to give with a smile so people don't see the real her because she is not going anywhere!  

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2 hours ago, Sai said:

Loved Arianna explaining to Brittany what "misogynist" meant.  "Does that word mean that he gives me massages?"....Brittany is just too cute! 

Being from Kentucky myself (as well as a huge spelling/grammar Nazi), I cringed so hard at this exchange that my eyelashes stuck together. Way to represent girl!

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This is really shallow of me, I know, but why is not one person physically attractive on the Summer House show (which I didn't watch)? Everyone looks OK at a glance but is somehow subtly yet wildly off! It's almost as bad as Timber Creek Lodge in that regard.

Quote

 Oh and that terrible show about the rich New York high school kids that wanted to be Laguna Beach but failed. 

Oh my god, what was that? I forgot all about it until your post!

Edited by TattleTeeny
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FI Tom had me cracking up when he made his dramatic NASCAR comment in the TH.   I actually think the Toms' are decent guys.   Sometimes FI is clearly trying out his acting chops, but as others have said, he seems to be a genuinely kind guy.

I am no fan of Katie this year, but seeing Tequilla Katie in action, kind of in the background was hilarious.   

Im not writing off the new show yet, but the blonde guy is pretty funny to snark on.   It can't be a new Vsnderpump Rules because these people actually seem to have jobs.

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2 hours ago, queenjen said:

I gave myself a hernia laughing at the scene where Stassi screws up her face and says to Katie that maybe they too should have thought about you know, jobs where you had to like, go to grad school? And Katie the boss bitch thinks no, not so much. That scene was priceless.

And Kristen musing about being "in business". Hahahahaha!

 

1 hour ago, SFoster21 said:

Jax mistreats his girl because he wants to break up, but he wants her to make the move.

Absolutely. He's been doing it pretty much since she got to LA. And, as much as I cannot understand why Brittany sticks with this loser, I kind of love that she's not giving him what he wants. 

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Another Kristen(I think) comment that made my jaw drop:. "I could have sex on this couch!" as they were touring the beach house.  Who says that?

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18 minutes ago, ghoulina said:

Absolutely. He's been doing it pretty much since she got to LA. And, as much as I cannot understand why Brittany sticks with this loser, I kind of love that she's not giving him what he wants. 

All he wants is a sammich and laundry done. LOL! 

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By the way Jax after seeing those glimpses in the RV shower, you really shouldn't be worrying about sandwiches.

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Jax is so dumb. Does he call her and say, "I'll be home in 15 minutes; would you mind making me some lunch?" Because I feel like she'd say fine to that. I assume he walks in the door, stares bewilderedly at an empty table, and wonders why no lunch has been magically bestowed upon him even though he clearly (and silently) wished for it inside his head.

Edited by TattleTeeny
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