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S03.E05: Episode 5


Tara Ariano
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Is Alison's vagina magnetic or something? Cole and Noah are inexplicably drawn to it whenever they're within three feet of Alison. It's gotten more than a little repetitive.

Too much Noah in this episode on this show. He wasn't completely unsympathetic in the scene where he talks about his mother, but his nonstop angst the past 3 season has gotten, well, more than a little repetitive.

Looking forward to Helen's POV next week.

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So we are leading to the inevitable storyline of Alison being a sex addict right? Like this isn't even shade or judgement anymore but the simple fact that Alison truly seems incapable of communicating with men through anything but sex. She was doing so well with Noah but I knew the moment the baring of their souls started and Noah shared his tragic story about his dead mother that she would sleep with him.  It's like the woman truly doesn't know how to respond to men emotionally without sleeping with them. That cannot be normal. 

That said, I enjoyed this episode for the truths that were shared by Noah and Alison, especially the latter. After the last episode, I enjoyed seeing and hoped it was a sign of things to come, that apparently there is some bit of self awareness in Alison after all. And I liked how she shut Noah down with the attempted Cole bashing because once again, it's like the show is just completely avoiding truly addressing the fact that Alison, later along with Noah, denied Cole his child for two years. So for Noah to get judgmental about Cole and call Cole selfish and whatever else, like dude...really?

Well poor French woman should have known getting involved in any way with Noah is a bad idea because now her cute little red car she loved so much is trashed. I still think Noah has serious PTSD from what happened to him in prison and he is just imagining the creepy, gross guard following him. That said, I'm ready for the reveal of the story behind the creepy gross guard and what really happened to Noah in jail. The whole thing is really disturbing me and I get tense and uncomfortable every time they go back Noah's time in jail. Let's get on with it. 

Many speculated last season about the show ending with the original couples but it's hard to see that with Noah and Helen since Noah seems to really hate Helen, even if she's still in love with him. However, I get the feeling that the story's not done with Cole and Alison. The way Alison shut the door so hard on Noah, complete with basically saying she saw him as someone to rescue her from her pain, that it wasn't love, coupled with her voicing that she wasn't alone after Gabriel's death, that she had Cole - I have a feeling she's going to convince herself she still loves Cole and wants him back. And poor, poor Luisa when that happens because Alison has shown she's not one to feel much guilt over going after someone's husband. And in this case, she'll probably tell herself Cole was hers first. Yes never mind that she left him after cheating on him - twice. 

By the way, speaking of all the truths Alison said to Noah, while I appreciate feeling right in my observations regarding the show, I again feel like the writers spent a lot of time online and read the consensus among most viewers regarding Alison and Noah and especially their relationship and some of those opinions have seeped into the writing. I saw signs of it from last season, especially when Alison confronted Noah about how he saw her after she read his book. She basically said almost everything I had complained about after the first season. How in Noah's POV she was this oversexed temptress always throwing herself at him, came across like some cold drug pusher, that he believed she had sex with Cole in their driveway for his benefit, etc. It was almost freaky.

Edited by truthaboutluv
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I swear during the Alison and Noah sex scene my face was like

985945ab-f74f-4aa3-8349-49a670087a39

This shit better not lead to another pregnancy/who the daddy story. I am dangerously close to be in hate watch territory with this show, which is a non-starter for me. Hate watching is such a waste of time.

I will say that Noah's scene describing the assisted suicide of his mom was very well done.

I do feel like the writers have been reading here and elsewhere. Alison explaining why what they had wasn't love read like a thread here.

So is this guard thing a figment of his imagination because it didn't seem like there was an SUV behind him at all during the crash scene or immediately after?

Feel like Noah is headed for a mental break with a side of pill addiction.

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My mom and I called them having sex by the end of Alison's POV. Once again, Noah remains a jackass. Yes, Cole can and should set the terms of custody with Joanie. She's in no position to throw stones considering they both kept her from him for two years.

The writers are seriously messing up the timeline. Joanie was born in March, yet they're talking about the season ending, which would make the timeline around late September. What is it?

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I laughed when the hot tub homeowner yelled at Noah & Allison:  Assholes!  Because, yeah, people care when you get naked and crash their hot tub when they aren't home.

And I knew they would miss that ferry home, and that it would be the last one and they'd have to spend the night so they could eventually have sex.  They are too predictable. 

I did appreciate that Allison seems to have some self-awareness, and Noah's scene telling about his mother's last day was well done. 

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Alison: "I'll go to Block Island with you, but if you try to touch me, I'll scream 'rape'."

Noah: "But I'm your husband."

I see he still hasn't grokked the meaning of consent. Despite that exchange, it was actually a promising episode until the inevitable sex scene. Because you can't have a show named "The Affair", and go an entire episode without a sex scene, amirite?

I figured it was highly unlikely that Gunther would follow Noah to Montauk (which is what, 3-4 hours from NJ?), and the rear shot of Eau So French's car after Noah crashed it confirmed that there had been no rear-ending. In the first episode of the season, right before his neck was slashed, he was washing a knife, and now I'm thinking that he may have slashed himself.

1 hour ago, islandgal140 said:

This shit better not lead to another pregnancy/who the daddy story.

That's my concern as well. I wouldn't put it past the show runners to do that if there's a renewal.

Edited by chocolatine
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14 minutes ago, chocolatine said:

. In the first episode of the season, right before his neck was slashed, he was washing a knife, and now I'm thinking that he may have slashed himself.

You'd hope that the detectives could spot that right off

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1 hour ago, CleoCaesar said:

Is Alison's vagina magnetic or something? Cole and Noah are inexplicably drawn to it whenever they're within three feet of Alison. It's gotten more than a little repetitive.

Showtime not only gave Alison Homeland Carrie's magical vagina, they gave Noah her annoying jazz freakout music.

1 hour ago, islandgal140 said:

This shit better not lead to another pregnancy/who the daddy story. I am dangerously close to be in hate watch territory with this show, which is a non-starter for me. Hate watching is such a waste of time.

That's all I could think of when the characters were shown having sex (that and Alison likes to curl her lip and stare during sex). 

I still don't feel this season is coming together. I thought Dominic West played the fireside scene very well, but...Noah od'd his mom so he could go to school? I realize the situation is more complex than that and a 17 year old should not be in that position, but to compare his situation to seeing your small child die? I don't know.

I also still question how Noah feels about Alison when she's not walking away. Wasn't he dreaming of running her over when they were together? And coming on to his ex and almost sleeping with his publicist?

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1 hour ago, islandgal140 said:

I will say that Noah's scene describing the assisted suicide of his mom was very well done.

 

Rarely do I have a compliment to give this show but I agree with this. 

That being said, the two of them have as much chemistry together as a dead fish and a rock. And his weirdly manic behavior on the ferry and once they launched on BLOCK ISLAND! WOO! BLOCK ISLAND!  was giving me the willies so much so I nearly changed the channel. I didn't -- so I was once again skeeved out by his manic behavior at the hot tub house. 

I laughed out loud at Brendan Fraser reading Noah's terrible Mary Sue prose. Speaking of Gunther the Guard Who May Not Exist, does the man not have access to Google? 'Cause it would have solved his "what are you locked up for?" question years earlier. 

The car wasn't hit from behind -- not a dent on it. And if he got rammed that hard, that car would have crumpled to pieces. 

More convinced than ever Noah stabbed himself. He probably should have eaten some of his homemade yogurt instead. 

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I kinda liked this episode.

Giant Misfit, it never occurred to me me that the prison guard may not even have existed in the first place. I did find it odd that he didn't know why Noah was in prison as it could have been easily checked out on Google and, as Noah was a very successful, best selling author wouldn't his case gotten a lot of press? Also, (assuming that the Brendan Fraser guard is real) I thought Noah's prison story was leading up to him being sexually assaulted by the guard, I'm not sure why.

Alison didn't bother me too much this episode but I hope it's not to much too expect at this point that she's using some form of birth control.

Oh, one more thing: Dominic West has an absolutely lovey ass.

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1 minute ago, marsha said:

it never occurred to me me that the prison guard may not even have existed in the first place.

I think he did exist, as Helen also saw him in her POV when visiting Noah in prison. I think the part that Noah is imagining is that the guard is stalking him outside of the prison.

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4 minutes ago, chocolatine said:
7 minutes ago, marsha said:

it never occurred to me me that the prison guard may not even have existed in the first place.

I think he did exist, as Helen also saw him in her POV when visiting Noah in prison. I think the part that Noah is imagining is that the guard is stalking him outside of the prison.

Oh yeah, that's right. Speaking of Helen, I'm happy at least half of the next episode will be from her point of view as she is still my favourite character and Maura Tierney is just as joy to watch.

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3 minutes ago, marsha said:

I thought Noah's prison story was leading up to him being sexually assaulted by the guard, I'm not sure why.

That was my thought as well. (And it may yet come to pass!)

I really want to know how Noah imagined someone ramming into the back of his car. I can sort of understand being paranoid the guy's slinking around your house/work, but I don't understand how you can fake getting rear-ended, including having your body lurch forcefully forward at the moment of an "impact" that never occurred. 

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16 minutes ago, Giant Misfit said:

I really want to know how Noah imagined someone ramming into the back of his car. I can sort of understand being paranoid the guy's slinking around your house/work, but I don't understand how you can fake getting rear-ended, including having your body lurch forcefully forward at the moment of an "impact" that never occurred. 

Could it be side effects from taking too much Vicodin? Noah was already taking pills at the time of his father's funeral, before he got stabbed/stabbed himself. He also told Helen that they were muscle relaxers, but unlike Alison, Helen didn't take a closer look at the label.

Edited by chocolatine
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3 minutes ago, chocolatine said:

Could it be side effects from taking too much Vicodin? Noah was already taking pills at the time of his father's funeral, before the got stabbed/stabbed himself. He also told Helen that they were muscle relaxers, but unlike Alison, Helen didn't take a closer look at the label.

I could chalk up the visual hallucinations to the Vicodin, absolutely. But not so much with him physically hallucinating being hit. Then again, it's this show, so you might be right. They did take great pains to make sure his burgeoning pill addiction was mentioned tonight.

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Jimmy McNulty on The Wire I found sexy, but the actor as Noah I just don't find attractive. I wanted to slap him when he was getting loud on the boat and then his hot tub shenanigans. Alison brings a lot of the trouble on herself, when he got in the hot tub I would have walked away and said "Bye, I'm heading back out to the boat".

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This is a man who seems to have stabbed himself in the neck.  Hallucinating a car wreck would be par for the course (IMO).  There was no SUV behind him to cause that, the car was not damaged in the back, WTF?  He is crazy.

Brendan Fraser is sufficiently creepy and the whole thing makes me very uncomfortable.  I hope they wrap that up.  Noah might be an asshole but I don't actually find it entertaining to watch a person in a helpless, vulnerable position be bullied and abused by someone in power.

So in Alison's POV, she doesn't even remember that Noah told her that he'd helped his mother kill herself?! He went on for at least 5 minutes, cried on her shoulder.  Did he actually not confide in her, or is she so self-absorbed that this little anecdote didn't resonate with her to be worth remembering? 

Oh look, Alison slept with someone she shouldn't -- again.  Christ.  I knew the minute that she agreed to spend the day with him on Block Island that they'd sleep together. 

Edited by LilaFowler
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18 hours ago, LilaFowler said:

So in Alison's POV, she doesn't even remember that Noah told her that he'd helped his mother kill herself?! He went on for at least 5 minutes, cried on her shoulder.  Did he actually not confide in her, or is she so self-absorbed that this little anecdote didn't resonate with her to be worth remembering? 

Timing-wise in this episode, Noah's POV started after Alison's ended. Hers ended when they first went to sleep (in their clothes and without having sex), and the fireside heart-to-heart followed by sex happened later in the night, after Noah woke up from a prison flashback nightmare.

Edited by chocolatine
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For anyone who has a loved one who suffers from bipolar disorder, Noah--aside from being an asshole--fits the description to a T.

Allison has no redeeming qualities.  Showing no compassion for a man who just got out of prison is one thing, but then she scolds a man who was recently stabbed in the neck and hospitalized for taking prescribed narcotic pain relievers. I get that the show is hinting that Noah is dependent on Vicodin, but Allison doesn't know this.

Thank God this chick is no longer in the healthcare industry. Worst. Nurse. Ever.

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As one of the few people who watched that E biopic in which West played Richard Burton (to Helena Bonham Carter's Liz Taylor), I was kind of tickled when Noah busted out Burton's song from Camelot.  (The Lancelot song he sang later,  "If Ever I Would Leave You", was my parents' Song until their marriage broke up over... an affair!)

One of the increasingly tiring tropes deployed here is that people who fall asleep on you get to keep sleeping, with a blankie and breakfast. Argh. Kick that asshole awake and kick him out the door.

I'm glad the writers are keeping the throughline that Noah's prose is The Worst.

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9 hours ago, Giant Misfit said:

I really want to know how Noah imagined someone ramming into the back of his car. I can sort of understand being paranoid the guy's slinking around your house/work, but I don't understand how you can fake getting rear-ended, including having your body lurch forcefully forward at the moment of an "impact" that never occurred. 

There was a blue sedan behind Noah that passed him right after he veered to the right.  Noah probably felt asleep on the red light, dreamt about Gunther in SUV, then the blue sedan driver honked, which caused Noah to jerk as he woke up thinking he was rear-ended.

The acting in this episode was good, but I agree that watching the series is becoming a chore

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11 hours ago, Giant Misfit said:

I laughed out loud at Brendan Fraser reading Noah's terrible Mary Sue prose. Speaking of Gunther the Guard Who May Not Exist, does the man not have access to Google? 'Cause it would have solved his "what are you locked up for?" question years earlier. 

I thought Gunther was saying, "What were the actual circumstances that put you in here?" He seemed to know that Noah was in there for a hit-and-run. He just didn't buy that a rich person would wind up with a significant prison sentence if there was nothing more to it than that.

(If that's what he was going for, it was definitely confusing writing, though.)

Regarding the car accident - didn't Noah "see" a woman driving the vehicle that supposedly rammed him, when he was looking in his rear-view mirror?

Edited by Blakeston
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This episode gave us a meeting of Alison's Magical Unicorn Vagina that none can resist with Noah's Magical Unicorn Dick.  Give the attraction qualities of these sex organs, I'm surprised they didn't automatically join the second they were in proximity, clothing and common sense be damned. 

You kids get out of my hot tub!!!!  **Shakes fist at sky while shaking cane in other hand**

Alison - still the eternal victim.  Noah - still an enormous self-serving jackass.  Cole - still inexplicably attracted to Alison.  Luisa - foolishly married to Cole.  Joanie - pitiable because of all the fools along her path to adulthood. 

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13 minutes ago, Blakeston said:

I thought Gunther was saying, "What were the actual circumstances that put you in here?" He seemed to know that Noah was in there for a hit-and-run.

You could be right given the lousy writing on this show. But I'm pretty sure he came right out and asked him, "What are you in for?" meaning he had no idea why Noah, after all that time, was in prison.  Frankly, I don't know either. He should have accepted the plea arrangement from the beginning if he was gonna take one for the team.

I hate this show.

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13 minutes ago, Giant Misfit said:

You could be right given the lousy writing on this show. But I'm pretty sure he came right out and asked him, "What are you in for?" meaning he had no idea why Noah, after all that time, was in prison.  Frankly, I don't know either. He should have accepted the plea arrangement from the beginning if he was gonna take one for the team.

I hate this show.

He said, "What are you in for?", but then in the same conversation, he said something about how a rich person almost never goes to jail just for a hit and run. So he must have known what the crime was.

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What a tangled web we weave.  Now we have TWO potential daddies for Alison's next kid.  

Where was Cole on that Wednesday night?  Not with Allison, not at the town meeting, and not with Luisa.  Hmmm...

BTW...can anyone make sense of "Container", the Affair opening song lyrics?

No damage to the little car rear bumper...uh oh.  Was it all Noah's hallucination?

I'm guessing the college where Noah was teaching is Fairleigh Dickinson, in their Florham Park campus.  It would still be a lengthy walk from Livingston, but that is the only justification for Livingston police to be investigating the alleged attack.  

Where is Whitney, now that we need her for some comic relief?

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30 minutes ago, Blakeston said:

He said, "What are you in for?", but then in the same conversation, he said something about how a rich person almost never goes to jail just for a hit and run. So he must have known what the crime was.

not necessarily, but he suspects there is more to the story than the official story. Plus he sees which wife visits Noah - surprise! not the one Noah has a picture of in his cell, picture that the guard confiscated - why??? So far, only in Noah's recollection, no real life fallout.

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This prison guard storyline is getting on my nerves so much. Yes, I know I'm not alone in that sentiment.

It's just so unnecessary. The season would've been good if they just focused on the fallout of Noah's prison sentence. Instead, they're injecting some Oz into it, and it's just ... ugh and boring.

I'll give Brendan Fraser props since I didn't know he had creepy in him. Plus I'm assuming he really committed to the role by uglying up. 

I've been bored by these past few episodes. Hope the Helen POV is better next week. Downside is the return of those shitty kids.

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2 hours ago, NutMeg said:

not necessarily, but he suspects there is more to the story than the official story. Plus he sees which wife visits Noah - surprise! not the one Noah has a picture of in his cell, picture that the guard confiscated - why??? So far, only in Noah's recollection, no real life fallout.

I'm saying Gunther knew that Noah was in jail for killing a man with his car - that he wasn't completely clueless about what the charges were.

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23 minutes ago, Blakeston said:

I'm saying Gunther knew that Noah was in jail for killing a man with his car - that he wasn't completely clueless about what the charges were.

Oh, of course, but he still seems to be digging for more - as Noah sees it, of course 

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13 hours ago, LilaFowler said:

This is a man who seems to have stabbed himself in the neck.  Hallucinating a car wreck would be par for the course (IMO).  There was no SUV behind him to cause that, the car was not damaged in the back, WTF?  He is crazy.

 

He appears to be suffering from PTSD.  The guard is one of the creepiest guards I've ever seen on tv.  Noah really put his life on the line writing about swimmers after the guard told him he was one of the swimmers on Noah's team, one Noah never paid any attention to.

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4 minutes ago, Lemons said:

Noah really put his life on the line writing about swimmers after the guard told him he was one of the swimmers on Noah's team, one Noah never paid any attention to.

He even named the character Jack Hunter - as thinly veiled a reference to John Gunther as there could possibly be.

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I keep thinking that the guard is not actually real, or if he's real, he's not actually as menacing and violent as Noah's POV shows him to be.  The only reason I think he's real is that Helen said something about the guard during one of her visits, but I can't remember if that was in her POV or Noah's.  If it was just Noah's, then I'm almost convinced John Gunther doesn't exist in the way Noah's POV depicts him.  

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I think the reason I'm tired of the prison trope is I've watch 2 series in the past 6 months with the whole 'big bad prison': The Night Of and Rectify.  My well of sympathy for prisoners with mean guards/cell mates has been tapped out. Also, the Westworld are they real or just memories storyline is still fresh and, unforturnately, this storyline already feels old. It's good, but suffers from what has come before it.

ETA: Even Allison's sweater has old fashioned prison stripes on it.

Edited by WaltersHair
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I missed the first fifteen minutes of the episode so I went back to watch it. It's a good thing Alison seemed to gain some self awareness later in the episode because I seriously wanted to backhand her when she acted all affronted and offended when Cole made it clear that while he did want her to eventually regain joint custody of Joanie, he was going to let the Court decide when that should be. Alison acting like Cole was somehow wronging her by having that attitude was mind boggling to me. More mind boggling to me was Noah's bullshit, "you're my wife" outrage when Alison told him to hide when Cole showed up. This despite the fact that she told him the lawyer made it clear that her having any contact with Noah would be bad for her custody case. I mean seriously?

Edited by truthaboutluv
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I can buy that Alison would prioritize the child above anything else, since she lost her first one.

But how does divorcing Noah improve her chances to get custody?  Because he's an ex con? 

Or because she thinks it would please Cole?

It seems a contrivance to separate them even though they have this connection -- Alison denied they loved each other but her mind change by the end of their little adventure?

Noah asked her years ago when he was arrested if she would wait for him.  Seemed an odd question as they seemed to be happy newlyweds.  But there was the trial and then 3 years in prison so Noah was prescient to ask yet he couldn't anticipate she'd have another child with Cole.

I don't have a clear timeline any more.  And having the plot become this convoluted is not a good sign.

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16 minutes ago, scrb said:

Alison denied they loved each other but her mind change by the end of their little adventure?

I didn't get the feeling that her mind changed after their adventure. That seemed like a solid shutting the door on them (for now at least) from her. Alison was already estranged from Noah so I don't think she was divorcing him solely because she thought it would improve her chances to get custody. But the fact is the court appointed representative for Joanie did make it clear in his rather snide way of describing Noah that being with him would likely not play well for her in court. 

I don't think it's just the fact that Noah's an ex-con but that his crime was the murder of Alison's ex brother-in-law and that he covered the crime at first. The whole thing is just messy and you add in that Alison just recently literally had a mental breakdown. I mean as a court would you feel comfortable giving joint custody to a woman who is a little mentally fragile who is also with a guy who just got out of jail for three years for murder (albeit involuntary manslaughter but still)?

Edited by truthaboutluv
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10 minutes ago, truthaboutluv said:

I mean as a court would you feel comfortable giving joint custody to a woman who is a little mentally fragile who is also with a guy who just got out of jail for three years for murder (albeit involuntary manslaughter but still). 

That, plus I'm sure Cole would be a lot less amenable to working towards joint custody if Noah was back in Alison's life. 

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Noah is an ex-con because he (as far as the law and Cole know) ran over Scotty and killed him.  Cole dislikes him for having an affair with his then-wife, and for killing his brother, Joanie's uncle.  So, Cole might have enough of a legal leg to stand on to keep Joanie away from the man who killed his brother, but he doesn't even need that because Allison associating with ex-cons potentially puts Joanie at risk and that's the stronger legal argument.

Edited by izabella
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I read something in an interview with Sarah Treem and she said originally she felt that the Affair would have 3 seasons. She also said something to the effect that in some storylines, they'd painted themselves into a corner. So I'm wondering if this is really going to be the last season. The entire story seems all over the place, especially with introducing the French professor this year. 

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