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S05.E15 Again With This: What Would You Like For Christmas, Ray?


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I know that Donna's look is fashionable for 94/95 (I remember that look being all over the movie, Clueless), but just because a look is in fashion does not mean that it actually works for everyone.  For example with Donna, she looks like how a porn movie would dress someone for a part described as "slutty schoolgirl."  

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At the holiday Christmas party, the Chancellor is playing piano singing Silver Bells in a very old school/traditional way and Brandon and David make fun of it.  Then David ends up playing a jazzy (eyeroll) version of Jingle Bell Rock and impressing the Chancellor.

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I get so perturbed with Andrea and Jesse's Christmas angst.  No six month old would deal with Santa, Midnight Mass, or the annoying jingle bells.  Jesse is so mad about Hannah crying and teething.  WTF.  My daughter had colic and screamed NONSTOP for 4 solid months...and then started up again when she was teething.  Screw you, Jesse! 

I do love seeing Luke Perry truly smile.  It is why my 16 year old self swooned over him when the show first started. 

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Um, I hate to break it to you Ooooohndrea, but A: according to Jewish law, you're not "really" Jewish either. Didn't we have to hear about Grandma Rose c. Lainie Kazan disapproving of Andrea's mother because she wasn't Jewish? So that meant it was Andrea's Dad who was Jewish, not her Mom. And B: if you are the child of an interfaith couple, why are you having such a fucking hard time dealing with the concept of being in one with Hannah? UGH. This show.

OMG! I think you were talking about my post (S5EP08)! You guys gave me a shout out!! After being in a pit of despair since Tuesday night, y'all have made my week! Thank you!!!

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I really had forgotten how Val-lite this section of season 5 is.  At least there's Val/Kelly bitchery to look forward to in the next one.

Felice's offer to Ray, though, definitely a tip to the soapier direction the show is heading in.

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2 hours ago, txhorns79 said:

I know that Donna's look is fashionable for 94/95 (I remember that look being all over the movie, Clueless), but just because a look is in fashion does not mean that it actually works for everyone.  For example with Donna, she looks like how a porn movie would dress someone for a part described as "slutty schoolgirl."  

I never had the body for the exposed belly and thankfully I've got short legs so a mini skirt + knee high socks = only 1 inch of bare skin.  In addition to this being in fashion, it has that infantile look to it.  I mean, this looks like she shopped at the kids' section of The Gap! I wonder if Tori wanted to up the "sexy" factor since she was now competing with the likes of Tiffani who is just insanely gorgeous.

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39 minutes ago, TeeVee329 said:

I really had forgotten how Val-lite this section of season 5 is.  At least there's Val/Kelly bitchery to look forward to in the next one.

Felice's offer to Ray, though, definitely a tip to the soapier direction the show is heading in.

Maybe this is the cynical 42 year old me talking, but in college, if someone offered me $10K to stop seeing one of the weirdos I was dating, the me now would TOTALLY take it.  Odds are, this person won't be "the one".   Ah, poor Ray, total Sliding Doors!

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I don't think Tiffani's joining affected her choices much. Remember her flashing her butt cheeks when they were decorating the Christmas tree a few seasons ago? Or the short shorts she wore when they went to go see Color Me Badd? Tori/Donna just seems to be really trying to follow the trends this season.

Edited by AndySmith
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Wauv, Brandon doesn't really get that people might be traumatized for more than a day or two when they've been through scary experiences, does he?! Brenda being held at gunpoint at the PP, Dylan being carjacked and now Kelly being trapped in a burning house - he acts as if they are really weird for taking more than a day to get past it. Apart from that, Kelly is SO annoying and will be for the rest of the show, sigh.

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Normally, I would mock Donna/Tori's hideous cry-face, but that's probably the face I've made much of the past 5 days.

Maybe Rex gets residuals for appearing on camera, and that's why they don't have any money left over to pay up for music rights.

Also, I'm thinking that the plural should be "Murders She Wrote."

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Did you know Wings Hauser played four different roles on various Murder, She Wrotes?

I did know that because I am 34-years-old going on 84-years-old and have been through the entire series on Netflix. Twice.

Oh man, the Donna cry-face eight-pack. I've been looking for some new artwork for my apartment and I think I just found it.

Edited by MerBearStare
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2 hours ago, AndySmith said:

 Remember her flashing her butt cheeks when they were decorating the Christmas tree a few seasons ago? Or the short shorts she wore when they went to go see Color Me Badd? Tori/Donna just seems to be really trying to follow the trends this season.

How the hell could I have forgotten? I think I was lulled into a false sense of wardrobe security because Donna in the prior season (freshman year of college) dressed like a normal student. 

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As a former burn patient (I scalded off a 6-inch strip of skin on my leg when I tripped while carrying a humidifier) the idea that Kelly is even functional is hilarious. I spent two weeks doing my own debridements. Every night, I had to get in the shower and with a washcloth, scrape off the scarred flesh. The burn needs air to heal so you have to continually remove the scab that's trying to form. Every night I took a pain killer and drank a glass of wine then climbed in the bathtub then start scraping and screaming because I live alone. I guess what I'm saying is: suck it up Kelly.

Also, thank you Tara and Sarah. I actually laughed out loud a few times during this podcast and every laugh is a gift since last week.

Edited by marceline
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Enter Jonesy. Did you know Wings Hauser played four different roles on various Murder, She Wrotes?

In fairness, this is just a thing MSW does. I only say this because I just watched the entirety of the the show on Netflix and I'm probably gonna do it again because this year has been....trying, to say the least. 

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Every time I see Wings Hauser I think of that episode of Roseanne when it's Darlene's birthday and Jackie dares Roseanne to run through the backyard topless and screaming and flash Dan. Cut to Roseanne humiliated, wrapped in a blanket in the kitchen...in walks Dan and Wings H. as new neighbor Ty..."Well, you sure know how to make a guy feel welcome."

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Ahhh Wings. Too bad he isn't in many episodes.

Donna's crying face like is just too funny. Also those bangs. 

Shut up Jesse. 

9 hours ago, Earmuffs Mom said:

At the holiday Christmas party, the Chancellor is playing piano singing Silver Bells in a very old school/traditional way and Brandon and David make fun of it.  Then David ends up playing a jazzy (eyeroll) version of Jingle Bell Rock and impressing the Chancellor.

I would take David playing the piano than David rapping by a long, long, long margin. 

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OMG, @marceline, that sounds horrible! But at least now you have some insight into Kelly's #struggles (eyeroll).

As much as I love Dr. Martin and am indifferent, at best, to Donna, how are they always so shocked - shocked! - when Felice does something terrible and classist? Come on, that's kind of her thing. 

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12 hours ago, CurlyATX said:

Maybe this is the cynical 42 year old me talking, but in college, if someone offered me $10K to stop seeing one of the weirdos I was dating, the me now would TOTALLY take it.  Odds are, this person won't be "the one".   Ah, poor Ray, total Sliding Doors!

Looking back, if someone offered me even $100 to quit dating most of the guys I was dating at that age, I probably *should* have taken it. Ah, youth and stupidity... 

I am an athiest and most people I know are either athiests or at best, mildly religious, but Santa photos are a pretty standard thing. I would never associate them with being one religion or another,  just with... being consumers and suckers for cute-dumb things. And babies always cry. It's practically the law. Andrea's angst about everything to do with Hannah is ridiculous, even for an anxious, overthinking first-time parent and that's coming from an anxious overthinking two-time parent. I mean, I worried about everything but even I knew six-month-olds didn't care about religious traditions (or lack thereof). 

This whole season has felt so alien to me. I know I've seen it all, but I can't remember much of it and what I can is all in the wrong order. And it goes on for soooooo long. 

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I've got a couple of kids but I'm cheap and rarely fork over the $20/picture.  But I have a bit of schardenfreuden (sp?) whenever I see a crying kid on Santa's lap.  It seems to capture the unspoken truth of parenthood- like how you spend $$ for a great gift and the kid plays with the box all day.  I don't take it at a sign that your kid doesn't like Christianity.  Hannah isn't like Damien in the Omen.  I've got two kids and I've never gone to midnight mass... that's crazy! 

About Felice, later on we learn that she comes from humble beginnings.  Is this why she's such a snob?  Some kind of self hatred? When I was 18 I stupidly assumed that the boy I was dating would be my husband.  I'm glad my parents just grimaced and waited for that relationship to end.

Edited by CurlyATX
I had more to say and work is slow.
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One thing this podcast has shown me is how irrelevant Andrea really was to the show. Other than a few Andrea centered storylines that were basically used just to prop Brandon, she was essentially just filler for the minority slot until they bumped her for the occasional black or Latinx character who only showed up to also prop Brandon.

Edited by marceline
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I once waited in line for two hours at a mall because my kids insisted they wanted to see Santa. My son was 2, my daughter 7. The entire wait in line, they were all "Santa Santa Santa!" I asked them repeatedly if they wanted to bail and come back first thing in the morning when the line was shorter. No way! When we finally got up to the front, my son freaked out and screamed his way through the whole thing, whilst my daughter made that Mikayla Maroney face because she was so pissed that her brother was ruining their time with Santa. You bet your ass I bought the photo. I bought the complete deluxe package, including a digital version so that I could make it our Christmas card photo that year. Everyone loved it, we totally won the Christmas card wars that year. I don't think we will ever send out another one, because we will never top that.

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12 hours ago, Petunia13 said:

Is Jesse an asshole or what

Yep. Jesse's attitude is the worst too. They're both just such dumb parents. When I'm feeling generous I want to give them a pass because they are young and they don't have any other parents around them to bounce this stuff off. When I had my kids having other parents around you could have coffee with and be like 'so we were thinking of taking Hannah to midnight mass' so they could look at you like you were mad and say 'oh, god, no' was invaluable. 

And... when I overthink it... why doesn't Andrea have those friends. Surely there are groups on campus for parents? She'd probably have met some other parents if she'd gone down the daycare path, but still... take your kid to the park, strike up conversations with other mothers.

Oh, wait - they're not part of the gang so it's forbidden.

(Incidentally, and very hesitantly, I don't actually see anything *fundamentally* wrong with taking a baby to almost any event where they're welcome. Ours did a whole lot of things when they were super-little, including funerals (family, and everyone in the family insisted they be there) - but you always had a plan worked out beforehand. It's not that hard - "if he starts crying I'll take him for a walk" or "we'll get there early and put him in the stroller and walk him in circles for fifteen minutes so he's asleep by the time it starts" or "if he doesn't settle I'll take him to my mothers house and come back and pick you up" or "I won't feed him beforehand but during so he's got something in his mouth for most of it and therefore quiet" and lots and lots of "and if *that* doesn't work..." NOT "we'll take her and when she cries we'll freak out like it's never happened before and we have no idea what to do." That's just ridiculous and by the time they're six months old, completely unrealistic.)

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To Ohndrea's benefit, I think that if she were watching the baby full time (taking it to class and the Laundromat to flirt with Peter) and going to school, she may not have time to find other moms.  Plus, she's the kind of person who thinks if she reads the "manual" then she's on top of it- she doesn't need any advice from anyone!  

And Santa is so removed from Christianity anyhow- he's a secular being.  I'm projecting, but don't you think for Hannah's first Christmas she'd be given a LOT of toys and presents from the grandparents? 

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To further compound the stupidity of the Jesse/Andrea/Hannah storyline, I am positive that a Catholic church would have a creche, i.e. a daycare run by the church for babies that are too young for Sunday school. They want the parents to be able to attend the service without worrying about their baby disrupting the whole thing. I mean, maybe they wouldn't have one for midnight mass, because most people would have enough common damn sense to leave the baby at home?? BUT STILL, the whole thing makes no sense at all. 

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2 hours ago, Lalochezia said:

To further compound the stupidity of the Jesse/Andrea/Hannah storyline, I am positive that a Catholic church would have a creche, i.e. a daycare run by the church for babies that are too young for Sunday school. They want the parents to be able to attend the service without worrying about their baby disrupting the whole thing. I mean, maybe they wouldn't have one for midnight mass, because most people would have enough common damn sense to leave the baby at home?? BUT STILL, the whole thing makes no sense at all. 

My Catholic church growing up had a "cry room" that was a room that was on the second floor and had huge windows looking out into the church with speakers so you could go up there with babies and still watch/hear/participate in the service with the kids. It wasn't a staffed daycare place and you had to be with your child but you could be up there with babies and not be disturbing others and let the baby like, crawl around if needed etc. It was open all the time. 

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I'm Jewish and my husband is not, so we have both Christmas and Hanukkah. And I was pretty uncomfortable with the trappings of Christmas at first. My husband is not religious at all, so it's not like I was worried about too much Jesus, but when you grow up without Christmas all the aggressive Santa stuff can be, well, a lot. Still, I understood what I was signing up for, and I would never take Christmas away from my husband's family. And if my kids are going to celebrate Christmas, why the hell would I ruin it for them?

Tldr: I sucked it up and learned to embrace Christmas. Grow the fuck up, Andrea.

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Tldr: I sucked it up and learned to embrace Christmas. Grow the fuck up, Andrea.

I think the key is that the couple needs to work it out before kids are in the picture.  Obviously, having only dated like a month before they were forced into marriage, Jesse and Andrea didn't have those discussions, but I feel like the show has revisited the "Andrea and Jesse celebrate different holidays!  No es bueno!" plot point a few times already and they don't seem to learn anything from the situation. 

Edited by txhorns79
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They were only together for a bit before they got pregnant, but then they had the whole of the (okay, shortened, but *still*) pregnancy to discuss this stuff. At this point it really feels like the writers just giving Andrea something to do, and tarnishing Jesse a bit so that the whole Peter thing doesn't look so bad, maybe? But like the business storylines, and the student politics storylines, I can't understand why they think any of the show's key demographic would actually CARE. 

ETA. And it's true that Andrea would probably be too busy to make many Mom-friends *now*, but Hannah was a premmie who was in hospital for ages. Surely there would have been other parents around then, with their also-premmies? Support groups? I just can't believe that she hasn't met ANY other parents (excluding Jim and Cindy). 

Edited by MissEwa
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I am so embarrassed that I remember this, but I blame it on liking Claire and David. The chancellor plays the piano while singing a very slow rendition of Silver Bells at his incredibly boring party. Brandon convinces David to join the chancellor at the piano and they "liven things up" by playing a slightly jazzy version of Jingle Bell Rock. Everyone instantly loves it and the chancellor "warms" to David.

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15 hours ago, MissEwa said:

But like the business storylines, and the student politics storylines, I can't understand why they think any of the show's key demographic would actually CARE. 

I know the writers were probably trying really hard to come up with storylines to fit their insane 30 episodes per season orders, but: yes, my god, YES. They thought teenagers were going to care about things like daycare and teething, and dictators from made-up countries? Why not have the characters do actual college stuff like throwing parties and having drunken hook-ups? Give them some angst about internships and choosing a major. Or use the premise of the show, that these aren't regular people, but super glamorous Beverly Hills people. Throw in a few stories about Hollywood or something, anything else. 

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yes! They went to a fake version of UCLA, right?  I went to another UC but I thought UCLA had its share of celebrity kids.  It could have been interesting to have someone like "Lydia Leeds" now be in Alpha house.  I guess Kelly's modeling is supposed to be the glam factor.  It would have been better if the agency told her to lose weight and suggested she do coke. 

I think it's so weird how almost everyone has a drug addiction at some point but no one really drinks casually or even drinks often and doesn't go straight to rehab.  I think later on Val does have a drunken hookup (with a guy with AIDS no less). 

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I wish they just never went into the baby storylines.  No one cares- not even Ohndrea's friends. Why is it that these two are now so freaking religious once Hannah was born?  Before, didn't Ohndrea go to with Jesse to mass and thought it was great? While they were dating they seemed to love sharing their faiths and now it's a point of contention? A couple this age would be fighting about one of two things: sex and money.

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2 hours ago, CurlyATX said:

I think it's so weird how almost everyone has a drug addiction at some point but no one really drinks casually or even drinks often and doesn't go straight to rehab.  I think later on Val does have a drunken hookup (with a guy with AIDS no less). 

I feel like Steve is probably the most "normal" in that regard, that he's in a frat and drinks and it's not the end of the world.

This also reminded me - doesn't the show do away with Dylan's alcoholism when he returns in season 9?

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I know the writers were probably trying really hard to come up with storylines to fit their insane 30 episodes per season orders, but: yes, my god, YES. They thought teenagers were going to care about things like daycare and teething, and dictators from made-up countries? Why not have the characters do actual college stuff like throwing parties and having drunken hook-ups? Give them some angst about internships and choosing a major. Or use the premise of the show, that these aren't regular people, but super glamorous Beverly Hills people. Throw in a few stories about Hollywood or something, anything else. 

ITA. We must all pay the price for Gabby's insistence that the show write in her pregnancy. She just was never believable as a "teen!mom!struggling!" after that - she looked about 1,000 years old next to the rest of the cast.

I actually liked the storylines that actually could have tracked with real college life in the 90s - your whacked out friend getting involved in a cult, stealing the mascot from a rival school, sexual harassment of a student by a professor, rape on college campuses (although as usual, 90210 fucked it up) - the other stuff was just stupid. 

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Is Jesse an asshole or what

Yep. He's an ass.

Spoiler

And I love when Andrea gets a clue and divorces his ass, even over the judgmental braying of Brandon. 

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I feel like Steve is probably the most "normal" in that regard, that he's in a frat and drinks and it's not the end of the world.

There's a scene when Steve is passed out in the trashed KEG house and when Brandon comes by to pick him up, he's moaning about his hangover - that was the college experience. I also appreciated how Val was not a big drinker but loved her weed - pretty consistently throughout the course of the series. I knew kids like that and I always felt it was an authentic characteristic.

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2 hours ago, TeeVee329 said:

This also reminded me - doesn't the show do away with Dylan's alcoholism when he returns in season 9?

Yep- he relapses with drugs- heroin again, I think.  But after he gets "clean" he spends quite a few episodes casually drinking and no one says a word.  It is bizarre.

 

5 hours ago, CurlyATX said:

I think it's so weird how almost everyone has a drug addiction at some point but no one really drinks casually or even drinks often and doesn't go straight to rehab.  I think later on Val does have a drunken hookup (with a guy with AIDS no less). 

After officially turning 21, if I recall correctly, there is a tiny bit of casual drinking for almost all the cast.  But drinking no ordinary 21 year old would do.  I remember seeing quite a bit of wine with dinner- certainly acceptable for Felice and her crowd, not so much 20 somethings- and the occasional martini after a hard day of saving the world.  For some reason this sticks out- after Susan and Brandon finish some do gooding out a story he tells her he'll buy her a martini- more Mad Men than UCLA but there you go.

Edited by penguinnj
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As boring and just stupid as this episode (the actual TV episode not the podcast) was, I was so happy to come on over here and listen to the podcast. As we got closer to the election, I started spending less time on-line because it was just too much. Then that terrible night plunged me into despair and disgust and I've avoided going online. I don't even want to see anything having to do with him or the election* so much as linked on a page. I'm living in denial as long as I can or someone tells me that it turns out 'Russia' hacked the system and changed the results. All that being said, I couldn't miss AWT. The side stories about Santa who smelled like pee, Darth Vader at the Firestone, and the A&W bear were delightful. Y'all always make even the worst episodes entertaining. I love a good Sarah rage too. :) Anyway, thanks for lifting my spirits this week!

I never sat on Santa's lap. None of the four of us kids in my family did.

My mom was quite a bit like Felice when it came to my boyfriends (and sex). She never tried to bribe any of my boyfriends but she was just as judgmental and disapproving if they weren't the 'right" class. Of course, she was a southern belle so she covered it in sugar. Felice is the best in her awfulness. I do think she feels a bit of shame for her actions.

I hate all these baby story lines. I'm not a parent. I've had very little contact with babies. Still, I know that they don't know or understand any of these things at Hannah's age. She's not going to be confused. It also doesn't take any experience to know not to take a baby to midnight mass.** What a couple of idiots. Plus, who cares? NO ONE.

I hate Kelly and her stupid baby talk. I hate her and her victimhood. I understand she went through a traumatic event not being smart enough to go out the window above her. Anyone who has been through something like that deserves some extra kindness and support, no doubt. I understand that burns are painful. But, come on, there is no way she had anything worse than 1st and some minor 2nd degree burns. I'm not trying to minimize burns as I know they are horrible and painful (poor marceline - sounds awful). But she's acting like she had full thickness burns over most of her body. And most of it has to do with her looks. She doesn't really act like she's in pain. Get some perspective Kelly. Take a walk down to see the patients that have to be kept in a coma because the burns are so bad. Check in on the patients that lost limbs or have dozens of painful skin grafts and reconstructive surgeries. Also, just because YOU freaked out over the other burn victim in the diner doesn't mean everyone else did. I was never a huge fan of this show and most of the episodes I saw were the first four seasons. I so look forward to the Val - Kelly bitchiness that I've heard about. (I'm literally watching the episodes now simply because this podcast is so entertaining.)

*I'm in NC. While the Governor's race still hasn't been officially called, it looks like we might be rid of the asshole McCrory. I guess that's the bright spot. I'm trying not to get my hopes up though.

**If you think your baby will be fine at midnight mass, go for it. But have a plan and don't act like it's Ohhhhhndrea's discomfort with Christmas that made your baby cry in the middle of the night. Idiots.

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I've been in a podcast marathon myself- for sanity's sake as well!  I've completely deleted FB from my phone, which was huge for me as I've got kids and that's how I used to keep track of other kids' and interesting mom articles. 

I know many of us would be grateful to go back to a two-podcast/week schedule if that could ever work.  I do listen to EHG which lasts for both ends of my commute!

Now as for the show, I heard somewhere that Garth had told the producers after ShanDo left that she wanted to have "more" to do and so they went down that "when bad things happen to beautiful people" path particularly with her. 

Funny thing we keep talking of midnight mass.  I'm a Catholic convert- so I didn't grow up with midnight mass.  I've romanticized it a lot and it's my husband, a cradle Catholic who vetoes us going-- he's adamant that it is the worst torture, especially for a kid!

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15 hours ago, atlanticslide said:

I also find it suspect that Sister Mary-Whoever that Jesse mentioned apparently gave them nasty looks while Hannah was crying. It's a baby! Does no one in the 90210 universe - not even a nun! - get that babies cry?

Funny thing, the pastor at my Catholic church HATES kids and pretty much the second a baby starts to fuss, you need to grab your ass out and head outside or into the cry room.  The cry room is filled to the gills with kids, plus there is a nursery to keep kids over 1 yr. 

On the flip side, the priest who married us told me that he loves crying babies.  He said that he knows coming to church isn't easy and that when you make the effort even when life is tough, he celebrates it.  He said it was a great reminder that the parents who came really want to be there. 

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