Women's Health Issues

[Kerryhua]

How to maintain good health? I'm a newbie here. And I would like to get some better advice. 

[RealHousewife]

What are your thoughts on fertility tests? Anyone here have one? 

I'm ignorant about them and how they work, but I'm so curious about my fertility as a woman of a particular age who wants kids. If I'm lucky enough to find someone, I know even on a relatively fast track, between dating, the boyfriend stage, engagement, getting married, it takes time to finally try for kids. From what I've read, fertility tests don't cost a whole lot, but would it be a waste of money since I'm at an age where fertility declines rapidly? I'm only a few years and a bit away from 40. Or if the results are positive, would it be worth it for the reassurance that I still have some time left?

I used to think I'd have kids by 35, but that didn't happen. My goal is to find someone by the end of this year, and hopefully be married within a couple of years seeing him max. A friend of mine married a man she only knew for months. I was shocked and didn't think they'd last, but he's a good guy and they've been happily married for years now. They moved quickly with having a baby too. I also have a friend who had a baby at 41, with a partner several years older than her. 

These friends give me hope. I'm also in good health. Healthy weight, exercise, don't drink, don't smoke, no diabetes, nothing. My ideal is two kids. If I started younger, I would have gone for three. At my age, if I were given the options between one kid for sure or take gamble and try for two, I'd have the one. I just really want a family of my own so badly since all I have are my parents and my sister. I'm also open to adoption, but I know my age can be a factor there too.

Never thought I'd have baby fever like this, but here we are. 

[Bastet]

I don't know anything about fertility tests, as I'd rather set myself on fire than parent, but I do know that while fertility rates do of course decline with age, women have been falsely scared into thinking they have very little chance after an age well before that actually becomes the case.  And that the decreasing probability of getting pregnant during any one cycle gets inaccurately translated as a dismal possibility of getting pregnant, period, rather than looking at the odds of getting pregnant within a year if trying monthly -- even before any sort of fertility treatment is implemented.

I'd say you need to talk with a doctor specializing in "geriatric" pregnancies (which is still defined as 35+, but a good half of the women I know who've had babies in the past 15 or so years did so while older than 35), but it's not that simple, as there's still a lot of misinformation out there.  You'd need to talk with several at least, and I'd concentrate on those who do research to get the most accurate information.

[PRgal]

4 hours ago, Bastet said:

I don't know anything about fertility tests, as I'd rather set myself on fire than parent, but I do know that while fertility rates do of course decline with age, women have been falsely scared into thinking they have very little chance after an age well before that actually becomes the case.  And that the decreasing probability of getting pregnant during any one cycle gets inaccurately translated as a dismal possibility of getting pregnant, period, rather than looking at the odds of getting pregnant within a year if trying monthly -- even before any sort of fertility treatment is implemented.

I'd say you need to talk with a doctor specializing in "geriatric" pregnancies (which is still defined as 35+, but a good half of the women I know who've had babies in the past 15 or so years did so while older than 35), but it's not that simple, as there's still a lot of misinformation out there.  You'd need to talk with several at least, and I'd concentrate on those who do research to get the most accurate information.

A lot of women who had children after 35 through their own pregnancies also froze eggs when they were younger or used donor eggs.  Especially if they’re in they’re 40+.  @RealHousewife look at all your options if PARENTING is what you want.  Your children don’t have to be genetically related to you.  My son isn’t.  He’s thanks to a donor embryo so no genetic connection to my husband, either.  

[oliviabenson]

I met a few women who had a baby after 40 naturally. But very few. 
 

I also knew a woman who had fertility treatments at 25-27? to have her baby.

Every woman is different. Maybe you need to see a fertility specialist to ask for tests. It can’t hurt.

9 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

What are your thoughts on fertility tests? Anyone here have one? 

I'm ignorant about them and how they work, but I'm so curious about my fertility as a woman of a particular age who wants kids. If I'm lucky enough to find someone, I know even on a relatively fast track, between dating, the boyfriend stage, engagement, getting married, it takes time to finally try for kids. From what I've read, fertility tests don't cost a whole lot, but would it be a waste of money since I'm at an age where fertility declines rapidly? I'm only a few years and a bit away from 40. Or if the results are positive, would it be worth it for the reassurance that I still have some time left?

I used to think I'd have kids by 35, but that didn't happen. My goal is to find someone by the end of this year, and hopefully be married within a couple of years seeing him max. A friend of mine married a man she only knew for months. I was shocked and didn't think they'd last, but he's a good guy and they've been happily married for years now. They moved quickly with having a baby too. I also have a friend who had a baby at 41, with a partner several years older than her. 

These friends give me hope. I'm also in good health. Healthy weight, exercise, don't drink, don't smoke, no diabetes, nothing. My ideal is two kids. If I started younger, I would have gone for three. At my age, if I were given the options between one kid for sure or take gamble and try for two, I'd have the one. I just really want a family of my own so badly since all I have are my parents and my sister. I'm also open to adoption, but I know my age can be a factor there too.

Never thought I'd have baby fever like this, but here we are. 

 

[RealHousewife]

8 hours ago, Bastet said:

I don't know anything about fertility tests, as I'd rather set myself on fire than parent, but I do know that while fertility rates do of course decline with age, women have been falsely scared into thinking they have very little chance after an age well before that actually becomes the case.  And that the decreasing probability of getting pregnant during any one cycle gets inaccurately translated as a dismal possibility of getting pregnant, period, rather than looking at the odds of getting pregnant within a year if trying monthly -- even before any sort of fertility treatment is implemented.

I'd say you need to talk with a doctor specializing in "geriatric" pregnancies (which is still defined as 35+, but a good half of the women I know who've had babies in the past 15 or so years did so while older than 35), but it's not that simple, as there's still a lot of misinformation out there.  You'd need to talk with several at least, and I'd concentrate on those who do research to get the most accurate information.

There are conspiracies that they like to scare women into freezing eggs and whatnot for the $$$.

4 hours ago, PRgal said:

A lot of women who had children after 35 through their own pregnancies also froze eggs when they were younger or used donor eggs.  Especially if they’re in they’re 40+.  @RealHousewife look at all your options if PARENTING is what you want.  Your children don’t have to be genetically related to you.  My son isn’t.  He’s thanks to a donor embryo so no genetic connection to my husband, either.  

Yeah, my goal is to be a parent. That's why I mentioned adoption in my post. I don't want a family to just pass on my genes or experience pregnancy.  

16 minutes ago, oliviabenson said:

I met a few women who had a baby after 40 naturally. But very few. 
 

I also knew a woman who had fertility treatments at 25-27? to have her baby.

Every woman is different. Maybe you need to see a fertility specialist to ask for tests. It can’t hurt.

I'm really hoping the fact I'm healthy means something. But I know healthy, fit women who struggle with fertility too, even ones younger than me.

[PRgal]

And some women need to freeze eggs because they don’t have partners yet or they need to test them before even considering pregnancy due to genetic conditions.  They aren’t “unhealthy” per se.  They just have conditions. 

[RealHousewife]

3 minutes ago, PRgal said:

And some women need to freeze eggs because they don’t have partners yet or they need to test them before even considering pregnancy due to genetic conditions.  They aren’t “unhealthy” per se.  They just have conditions. 

Correct. I think it's great if you have a ton of money. I didn't and don't. 

[PRgal]

4 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Correct. I think it's great if you have a ton of money. I didn't and don't. 

Adoption can be expensive as well.  But only if you go the private route.  Unfortunately, adoption can be complicated and long.  And near impossible as there simply aren’t many kids available for adoption domestically in North America.  Fostering might be something worth thinking about too if you’re open to that. 

[RealHousewife]

39 minutes ago, PRgal said:

Adoption can be expensive as well.  But only if you go the private route.  Unfortunately, adoption can be complicated and long.  And near impossible as there simply aren’t many kids available for adoption domestically in North America.  Fostering might be something worth thinking about too if you’re open to that. 

Yes, I've heard adoption isn't cheap or simple either. That's part of why I'm concerned about my fertility. When I was younger I'd think if I end up wanting kids when I'm older, I'd just adopt. Then I learned it's not simple. I am open to both adoption from other countries and fostering, older kids, basically everything. I've always been a sucker for babies though, even when I wasn't particularly interested in having kids, so it would be nice to experience the baby stage. 

[PRgal]

18 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Yes, I've heard adoption isn't cheap or simple either. That's part of why I'm concerned about my fertility. When I was younger I'd think if I end up wanting kids when I'm older, I'd just adopt. Then I learned it's not simple. I am open to both adoption from other countries and fostering, older kids, basically everything. I've always been a sucker for babies though, even when I wasn't particularly interested in having kids, so it would be nice to experience the baby stage. 

But if you’re looking at IUI since you don’t have a partner, then you may want to save up on that end too.  The cheapest is to have a partner, but if you aren’t willing to wait, then it’ll cost.  You may also want to look into your insurance policy to see if anything is covered and if so, what.  

Edited May 13, 2023 by PRgal

[RealHousewife]

18 hours ago, PRgal said:

But if you’re looking at IUI since you don’t have a partner, then you may want to save up on that end too.  The cheapest is to have a partner, but if you aren’t willing to wait, then it’ll cost.  You may also want to look into your insurance policy to see if anything is covered and if so, what.  

Thank you for the advice PRgal. I do need to look into my insurance. Not judging those who don't, but I prefer to have a partner. I wouldn't attempt the single mom thing unless I came into a ton of money, and even then, I'd adopt. 

[Bethany]

1 minute ago, RealHousewife said:

I wouldn't attempt the single mom thing unless I came into a ton of money, and even then, I'd adopt. 

One of my daughter's friends had a child through artificial insemination a few years ago.  She's a single parent by intention.  She's also a teacher which I think helps as (a) she's used to kids and more importantly (b) as the baby gets older she can minimize the child care needed in a way other parents may not be able to do.

She also has a very close relationship with her parents and siblings so there is a lot of support. Apparently she's going to try for a second child in the next few months.

Definitely not a choice for everyone but on the other hand single parenthood can be thrust upon us and we have to deal so in some ways having the ability to assess what you would need to do and if you can handle it makes things a little easier.

[RealHousewife]

3 hours ago, Bethany said:

One of my daughter's friends had a child through artificial insemination a few years ago.  She's a single parent by intention.  She's also a teacher which I think helps as (a) she's used to kids and more importantly (b) as the baby gets older she can minimize the child care needed in a way other parents may not be able to do.

She also has a very close relationship with her parents and siblings so there is a lot of support. Apparently she's going to try for a second child in the next few months.

Definitely not a choice for everyone but on the other hand single parenthood can be thrust upon us and we have to deal so in some ways having the ability to assess what you would need to do and if you can handle it makes things a little easier.

Yeah all that absolutely matters. My job has some flexibility, but I can't exactly ever plan on dropping my kids off at the same place I work or having all the breaks my kids have. I am close to my family as well, but it's not like I have super young and fit parents. My mom is wheelchair bound. My sister is also busy with her career. 

If single parenthood just happened, I would definitely do my best. Single parent by intention is just not for me. I think for most people it is very, very difficult to make sure a child gets plenty of love and attention when it's just one parent, as well as enough finances to have a comfortable childhood. I would love a family, but I will only have a kid if I think that kid would have a great life. 

Edited May 14, 2023 by RealHousewife

[RealHousewife]

Anyone else deal with post period blues? I have some personal stuff stressing me out, but there isn’t anything new that’s terrible for me to be feeling so sad. I’m sure I’ll feel better soon. It’s just bizarre, reminds me of PMS where I’ll dwell on stuff from the past or something that shouldn’t bother me in the present tense. 

[oliviabenson]

Since I’m unlikely to get a boyfriend like ever when is menopause coming? Tired of anemia and bleeding like crazy. 
 

 

[Bastet]

2 hours ago, oliviabenson said:

when is menopause coming?

There's no way of knowing.  The age at which your mom started the process and any changes in your own menstrual cycle can give you hints, and there are certain hormone level tests that can tell you more, but basically you just take it as it comes when it comes.  When you hit perimenopause (which I'm still in, and really hoping for menopause itself to come soon; parts of it suck, of course, and some issues exist throughout one's post-menopausal life, but between endometriosis and other fibroid issues, I am SO ready to stop menstruating), that's the time to start really looking into things.

[PRgal]

On 5/18/2023 at 11:58 PM, Bastet said:

There's no way of knowing.  The age at which your mom started the process and any changes in your own menstrual cycle can give you hints, and there are certain hormone level tests that can tell you more, but basically you just take it as it comes when it comes.  When you hit perimenopause (which I'm still in, and really hoping for menopause itself to come soon; parts of it suck, of course, and some issues exist throughout one's post-menopausal life, but between endometriosis and other fibroid issues, I am SO ready to stop menstruating), that's the time to start really looking into things.

Then there are those who have secondary amenorrhea - I've had this issue for a while.  I basically don't get them.  But I never experienced any menopausal symptoms then.  The middle age woman "problems" (weight gain (okay, not really, but kind of) and belly fat) are only beginning to hit me NOW at 43.  The doctors seem to think it's because I exercise "too much" (ummmm, no...I certainly get less exercise than most athletes) but I'm kind of leaning to it being related to the meds I'm on for epilepsy.  

[RealHousewife]

Does anyone here get their period every three weeks? That's what mine has been lately. I think the spironolactone I take is causing this, but I read online three weeks is normal for some women. 

[Browncoat]

Back when I had periods, and before I started the Pill, mine would come anywhere between three and six weeks apart.  And at least once I only had a week between.  It was awful.

[Laura Holt]

On 5/18/2023 at 11:58 PM, Bastet said:

I am SO ready to stop menstruating)

I was ready to stop when I was thirteen.  I can remember my mother touching on menopause when we had "the talk" and saying "bring it on".  Which, for me, sadly, didn't happen until I was in my 50s.  I knew women who hit menopause by their mid 40s and envied them so much.

[RealHousewife]

Dealing with tampons, having to watch what you wear for part of the month, not being as comfortable doing different activities, none of that is fun. I try to be grateful for my period though since I want kids. Not trying to speed up menopause.

Pardon my ignorance, but do things like starting your first period late affect when menopause begins? I didn't get a period until I was 15. I wasn't regular for part of my teens due to disorder eating. When I was on 100 mg of spironolactone, I'd get a period every two weeks, so I reduced the dosage to 50 mg. I was regular for a long time, but lately getting my period every three weeks. I should probably reduce it to 25 mg. Not sure how this stuff will affect my fertility, if at all. 

[Laura Holt]

39 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

Pardon my ignorance, but do things like starting your first period late affect when menopause begins?

I was 13 and stopped IIRC at 53 (possibly 54) which seems average.  I do know some studies have found that starting your first period early (I knew one girl who started at 9, poor thing!) means an earlier menopause but to be honest there are so many studies out there with conflicting results that I think at the end of the day really nothing is certain!  It ends when it ends.

Edited July 15, 2023 by Laura Holt

[Mondrianyone]

20 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Does anyone here get their period every three weeks? That's what mine has been lately. I think the spironolactone I take is causing this, but I read online three weeks is normal for some women. 

This is per healthline.com, but all the medical sites say the same thing re changed frequency.

During perimenopause, your periods may be:

Irregular. Rather than having a period once every 28 days, you might get them less or more often.

Closer together or further apart. The length of time between periods can vary from month to month. Some months you might get periods back to back. In other months, you might go more than four weeks without getting a period.

Absent. Some months you might not get a period at all. You might think you’re in menopause, but it’s not official until you’ve been period-free for 12 months.

Heavy. You may bleed a lot, soaking through your pads.

Light. Your bleeding might be so light that you barely need to use a panty liner. Sometimes the spotting is so faint that it doesn’t even look like a period.

Short or long. The duration of your periods can change, too. You might bleed for just a day or two or for more than a week at a time.

It sounds like you're in perimenopause. If you want to have kids via your own DNA, you should probably start thinking about saving your eggs, because you never know when the time will pass.

[Rose Quartz]

22 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Does anyone here get their period every three weeks? That's what mine has been lately. I think the spironolactone I take is causing this, but I read online three weeks is normal for some women. 

In my 20s and early 30s my period was usually every 22-24 days but it wasn't unusual for it to be as short as 21 days.  As I got older it lengthened a little to 25-27 days but I rarely had the "typical" 28 day cycle.

[partofme]

22 hours ago, RealHousewife said:

Does anyone here get their period every three weeks? That's what mine has been lately. I think the spironolactone I take is causing this, but I read online three weeks is normal for some women. 

I’ve never been “regular”.  When I was younger my cycle was closer to 35 days, now I’m usually between 26-30.   Last month I got my period after 2 weeks, which  google said isn’t anything to worry about.  I’m in my late forties but my mom didn’t go through menopause until 58 so I don’t know what to expect.  I think 21 days is considered within the normal timeframe though it would annoy me to regularly get it that often.  

[RealHousewife]

 

 

3 hours ago, Mondrianyone said:

This is per healthline.com, but all the medical sites say the same thing re changed frequency.

During perimenopause, your periods may be:

Irregular. Rather than having a period once every 28 days, you might get them less or more often.

Closer together or further apart. The length of time between periods can vary from month to month. Some months you might get periods back to back. In other months, you might go more than four weeks without getting a period.

Absent. Some months you might not get a period at all. You might think you’re in menopause, but it’s not official until you’ve been period-free for 12 months.

Heavy. You may bleed a lot, soaking through your pads.

Light. Your bleeding might be so light that you barely need to use a panty liner. Sometimes the spotting is so faint that it doesn’t even look like a period.

Short or long. The duration of your periods can change, too. You might bleed for just a day or two or for more than a week at a time.

It sounds like you're in perimenopause. If you want to have kids via your own DNA, you should probably start thinking about saving your eggs, because you never know when the time will pass.

Really? I found this online. 

"The first signs of perimenopause will differ for every woman and tend to start in their mid-40s"

I read women who are in their 30s can begin perimenopause, but I don't think I have anything else unusual going on. Just having a period every three months instead of every four. Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, but I still suspect it's the spironolactone since I know for a fact it affects my periods. I am going to see my doctor in September, and I'll ask her to check my hormones. My guess is I have elevated estrogen levels. 

If I had the money to freeze eggs, I would. But I do not. 

I appreciate all your feedback though. I'm not the most comfortable discussing my personal heath with people in person . . .

[Mondrianyone]

Well, I'm certainly not a doctor, so I have no business diagnosing you. Just saying that if having kids the old-fashioned way is a high priority, you might want to be sure your OB/GYN is taking these changes seriously. This could be helpful: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2020/01/18/797354824/menopause-starts-younger-than-you-think-heres-what-you-need-to-know

Best of luck.

 

[RealHousewife]

13 minutes ago, Mondrianyone said:

Well, I'm certainly not a doctor, so I have no business diagnosing you. Just saying that if having kids the old-fashioned way is a high priority, you might want to be sure your OB/GYN is taking these changes seriously. This could be helpful: https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2020/01/18/797354824/menopause-starts-younger-than-you-think-heres-what-you-need-to-know

Best of luck.

 

Yeah, I'll definitely look into it with my doctor, thank you. It would just be such a shock to me. That would mean I only got my period for just more than 20 years of my life before perimenopause. 

I've had sleep problems since I was a child, haven't noticed them getting any worse. I don't think I've ever had a hot flash, but I will get night sweats if I don't keep the temp down when I sleep. Been that way for many years. I noticed I can feel blue before my period starts, but isn't that normal for many women too? I'm actually in much better spirits this year than I was last year. Everything else about me is normal and healthy too. I'm active, slim, nonsmoker, nondrinker, no drugs, only thing I take is the spironolactone for acne. I also still look really young. 

Are you or anyone here familiar with spironolactone at all? I'm going to try to get off of it or at least reduce the dosage because of my history with this medication. There are many women whose periods get thrown off by the drug. It's supposed to be much safer than Accutane, but every drug has side effects. 

[Bastet]

22 hours ago, Mondrianyone said:

It sounds like you're in perimenopause.

That's what I'm in.  My periods, which used to be brutal, are lighter and the cramps much more manageable, but the timing change is that I usually get them more frequently (closer to three weeks than four).  One time I had a period that lasted for two weeks.  I'd really like to get to the skipping periods part of menopause!

[Laura Holt]

11 minutes ago, Bastet said:

I'd really like to get to the skipping periods part of menopause!

It was heaven!  The only drawback is you keep hoping that this is the time when you won't ever get another one!  

[RealHousewife]

11 minutes ago, Bastet said:

That's what I'm in.  My periods, which used to be brutal, are lighter and the cramps much more manageable, but the timing change is that I usually get them more frequently (closer to three weeks than four).  One time I had a period that lasted for two weeks.  I'd really like to get to the skipping periods part of menopause!

May I ask if you had any other symptoms? 

[Bastet]

2 minutes ago, RealHousewife said:

May I ask if you had any other symptoms? 

No, I've been stuck at this stage of perimenopause for a while now, and no additional symptoms have emerged yet.

[supposebly]

3 hours ago, Bastet said:

That's what I'm in.  My periods, which used to be brutal, are lighter and the cramps much more manageable, but the timing change is that I usually get them more frequently (closer to three weeks than four).  One time I had a period that lasted for two weeks.  I'd really like to get to the skipping periods part of menopause!

That was me for about 5 years. I got really heavy periods every 3 weeks or so. What bugs me in retrospect is that I even had Iron deficiency and my doctor never once mentioned that it could be perimenopause. 

Thank God my period now comes only every 3-4 months. I get momentary hot flashes though. Not bad just for a few seconds. 

[Browncoat]

I didn't really have a lot of perimenopause issues, as I continued taking the Pill until, as it happens, I was finished.  I had one last Pill period after I stopped taking it, and haven't had one since.  But the hot flashes!  Oy!  There's no rhyme or reason to them!  I can't associate them with food, weather, time of day, time of month, anything.  Completely random spontaneous combustion.

[RealHousewife]

I meant to post the update months ago. I was checked out, and everything about me was normal. My doctor said no perimenopause. It would really shock me if I went through menopause younger than everyone I know when I got my first period later than everyone I know (15). I don't know if there is a correlation between later menarche and menopause, but if I were to do the math about how long perimenopause lasts, my baby-making window would be only 25 years, compared to the current average of 40. 

Regardless, I know clock is ticking as far as having kids, but I should still have several more years where it is possible. I've tried to cut back on my soy consumption as well. I know I can't do 50 mg of spironolactone without messing up more cycle, but as a vegetarian sometimes I forget to take it easy on soy. I realized when I have a lot of tofu, I get my period early. When I do not, everything is pretty normal.