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Unpopular Opinions Thread

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46 minutes ago, PRgal said:

I wonder if it has to do with worrying that people would start criticizing them for "taking advantage" of very young, lower-income women (since many surrogates are in their early-mid 20s).  It's a PC thing.  I would LOVE to see a realistic storyline on surrogacy, though.  

Probably right about the exploitation angle.  I don't even know what a realistic story line would be, I hardly ever read about it in real life aside from the occasional mention of a celebrity having done it.

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3 minutes ago, ShadowFacts said:

Probably right about the exploitation angle.  I don't even know what a realistic story line would be, I hardly ever read about it in real life aside from the occasional mention of a celebrity having done it.

I think people just don't want to talk about it.  When we were going through ours, we were told that surrogacy is more common than adoption (at least around here) since adoption is so difficult now.  And surrogacy allows people to have children genetically related to them.  

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I had no idea that surrogacy was more common than adoption.  That truly is an untold (or under-told in case I am just out of the loop) story and it could have been good for Kate and Toblerone to explore. 

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I just realized that the entire series is available On Demand.  Plus, I am reading as much as I can about the already aired episodes online.

I got through one season and I have just got to say that Toby is annoying as hell.  Watching him once every week isn't too bad, but my gosh watching episodes of him back to back to back?  Yikes.

The other thing that I have noticed is that in every episode at least one character routinely either does something or says something that pisses off another character. 

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1 hour ago, TotalHellion said:

My unpopular opinion: I'm not a fan of exploring more of Jacks backstory. This show spent two seasons building up his death and how it affected everyone so why are the writers wasting their time with more Jack instead of showing the viewers the aftermath of his death. When and why did Kevin leave for LA? When did Kate join him? How did Rebecca fall for Miguel. 

You're not the only one.  I would even be ok if they showed flashbacks to when the kids were younger and that related to something about the aftermath of his death, but Vietnam and dating Rebecca is not interesting to me. 

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3 hours ago, izabella said:

You're not the only one.  I would even be ok if they showed flashbacks to when the kids were younger and that related to something about the aftermath of his death, but Vietnam and dating Rebecca is not interesting to me. 

I was hoping for "after fire" flashbacks, what did she do, where did they live, why did Miguel leave for new job, where did Randall go to college, etc. I'm glad Thanksgiving has them all together and Miguel is given some air time. I also hope they show that wedding, even if at town hall, I want to see Rebecca, 20 long years later, enjoying life while her kids are still finding their places.

Dating for me is boring, we know how it ends and sad to see Jack supporting her somewhat but later not wanting her to sing again.

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On 11/14/2018 at 2:37 PM, izabella said:

You're not the only one.  I would even be ok if they showed flashbacks to when the kids were younger and that related to something about the aftermath of his death, but Vietnam and dating Rebecca is not interesting to me. 

Exactly. These flashbacks to me do nothing to advance the story. Why make such a big deal about how they were all damaged from his death but not show that in the flashbacks? 

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1 minute ago, TwoGrayTabbies said:

I want a Shocking Reveal that Jack was a prolific sperm donor and there are scores, if not hundreds, of people walking around with pieces of him.

And Toby's one of them.  Too far?

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1 minute ago, Katy M said:

And Toby's one of them.  Too far?

It would explain the need to always make over the top attention-getting gestures of romance and the coddling of Kate make more sense.

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2 hours ago, PepSinger said:

Here's an unpopular opinion: I am still enjoying and loving this show, flaws and all. 

Glad to not be alone in this.

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9 hours ago, PepSinger said:

Here's an unpopular opinion: I am still enjoying and loving this show, flaws and all. 

Me four!

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Also, while I’m on a roll with unpopular opinions, I don’t understand the complaints about having characters and storylines involving Jack and William. To me, that’s essentially saying that you don’t buy into the premise and world of the show. This entire show is about showing connections among the Pearson family and how everyone that they encounter weave in and out of their lives. This show is also nonlinear, so it allows for characters who have died to have storylines that are in the past. As long as the characters stay true to themselves, then I’m okay with that. Again, I feel as though you have to buy in to the world of This Is Us, and if you don’t, then it absolutely will be a frustrating viewing experience. Plus, just on a meta level, Milo and Ron are contracted to this show. They aren’t going anywhere, so to me it just seems futile to expect them to be done with their characters’ stories. None of this means that there can’t be valid criticisms of the show, but there’s a difference between not liking a certain storyline/character and not liking the foundation of the show. There’s a certain buy in that has to happen, IMO, and that’s true of any show that’s not straightforward, for lack of a better term at the moment.

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22 hours ago, PepSinger said:

Also, while I’m on a roll with unpopular opinions, I don’t understand the complaints about having characters and storylines involving Jack and William.

I'm OK with seeing more of Jack, as long as it's well done, because he is a core character. William, on the other hand, is not. He was important to Randall, but in the grand scheme of the show, still a side character. I also don't like when his flashbacks appear like they might be Beth's hallucinations. It always takes me a second to realize it's a flashback because Beth's hair and clothes are different. I also feel that his death, unlike Jack's death, brought closure for Randall, and the repeated flashbacks take away from that.

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On 11/16/2018 at 10:41 AM, PepSinger said:

Here's an unpopular opinion: I am still enjoying and loving this show, flaws and all. 

I still like it too. I can still ignore some over the top stuff and I simply tune out of Vietnam but I like it.

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On ‎11‎/‎17‎/‎2018 at 6:53 PM, chocolatine said:

I'm OK with seeing more of Jack, as long as it's well done, because he is a core character. William, on the other hand, is not. He was important to Randall, but in the grand scheme of the show, still a side character. I also don't like when his flashbacks appear like they might be Beth's hallucinations. It always takes me a second to realize it's a flashback because Beth's hair and clothes are different. I also feel that his death, unlike Jack's death, brought closure for Randall, and the repeated flashbacks take away from that.

Plus, William was only part of their lives for less than a year. He really only has connections with Beth and Randall, serving to make this more the Randall show than it already is. 

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3 hours ago, Katy M said:

Plus, William was only part of their lives for less than a year. He really only has connections with Beth and Randall, serving to make this more the Randall show than it already is. 

Also, while it was the absence of William that shaped Randall, it was the PRESENCE of Jack that shaped them all.  Therefore, seeing William in the years before he re-entered Randall's life really doesn't tell us much about the adult that Randall has become and nothing at all about his siblings.  I am only interested in the stories from the past as they tie into the current stories and characters.  The actor who plays William has done a fine job, but there is nothing about his past that informs the present day Pearson dynamics and, therefore, I don't want to waste screen time on him.

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I like the show and do tear up a lot when i get hit in the feels😭. But sometimes the Pearson’s ( I’m looking mostly at you Kate) are so whiney and obsessed with Jack...i know it’s awful to lose a parent at 17 but Good Lord, they’re 38 - he died TWENTY YEARS AGO.  The Pearson’s can be low dose, i LOVE that Beth, Toby & Miguel have a group chat 😂😂

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Sometimes, I Eat Bats. Because I've Been Hurt and the Bats Are Tasty and Finally This Clown Might STFU About This Necklace Bullshit

Zoe scorns two tourists who are clearly not in Vietnam for the Right Reasons. She can tell this because eating an authentic bat dish sharpens her poseur detector to superhuman accuracy. The tourists are so dumb they don’t even know the shame they’re bringing on themselves by visiting a public market, but they’re not so bad that Kevin misses his chance to get a Scooby Dooby clue and identify the necklace that Scum Tourist Lady is wearing as….the one and the same as the picture! Don don don!!

I’m more interested right now in choosing pink or red nail polish, but the next time I pay attention, it’s apparently a very big deal that The Necklace is not a one-of-a-kind, priceless gift presented to Jack by the Four Immortals. Oh, you poor meddling kid. There is no ghost. It’s a projection of a cheap souvenir that any lowly peon might have picked up. Hey, Kev? Please tell me you were prepared for just a titch of disillusionment when you came to Vietnam to find out “the truth.” Nope, the guy can’t even handle re-seeing The Necklace, so god only knows how much he’ll drink when he finds out stuff about actual human beings.

Zoe, meanwhile, could really use her Wrong Reasons vision to say to Kevin, ‘um….seriously, you came to learn about your dad in a WAR and you’re crying over a cheap necklace? Dude. Just. Stop.’ But Zoe pukes up her bat, so I guess she’s lost her super powers of observation. Anyway, this gives Kevin a chance to find her while she’s in a bathtub and declare that he’s falling in love with her because she carries snacks in her purse. Now, if I’m puking up bat, I’ll thank you to leave me the fuck alone and leave the proclamations of love until later, but Kevin is a Pearson and his feefees must be heard. Zoe could be bleeding out from Ebola and a Pearson would want to talk about how it makes them feel even more in love because that blood has DNA and could help bring on more little Jacks.  He tells Zoe that whether she opens up to him or not is inconsequential because that’s par for the course of earning a tab at the Cantina for Non-Pearsons trying maintain a grip on reality.

Well played, Kevin, because the writers are throwing darts at a trauma bullseye trying to pick something to make Zoe Insta Sympathetic. They actually landed on Abduction by Tourists and Locked in a Souvenir Shop with Vampire Bats, but decided that was too believable and instead selected Father Sexual Abuse. And he lives in China, for some reason. If you’re getting a feeling of déjà vu because you’ve seen countless Lifetime movies or Bachelor episodes about women who Can’t Fall in Love with the Right Man because childhood trauma….well, you’re not wrong. You’re probably bored shitless and whistling as you file your toenails and thinking maybe she’s hallucinating from the bat still and maybe the next day she’ll say, ‘what? No, my parents are normal. It’s just you.”

So, that relationship is Pearsoning right along…

Sometimes, War is Hell and It's Hard to Tell a Good Man from a Bad Man, but a Man's Gotta Ask a Man for a Ride on a Moped Anyway When a Man is Stupid Enough to Walk Through a War-Torn Country Where He Isn't Wanted

Meanwhile, the writers are still breathing the pages of their copy of “the Things they carried” and calling it “Tim O’Brien collaboration” and we’re back in ‘Nam, where Jack arrives to save poor old angry Nicky, who is busy flashing his abs and shouting at the clouds in his head. There’s a wall with graffiti on it. I can read the word “HELP” but not what’s beneath it because Jack is in the way so I’m just going to go with “HELP – I’m Tim O’Brien and they won’t let me out until I confess my feelz!” Nicky earns my undying love for saying to Jack, “Jesus, man, superman was just nickname.” Bwahhhhh hahhhh ahhhhhh!

But Jack sees that Nicky is clearly off his nut to be talking such nonsense, so off he goes to talk to the CO and, here we go…the sob story for the ages. Nicky just wants to save spiders. Won’t someone think of the spiders? The CO is, thank god, not impressed, and then tells Jack to hump it back to camp.

So….Jack is now on his own, wandering through Vietnam? Uh….I’m no expert, but that seems really stupid. But I suppose there’s no other way for Jack to encounter the mysterious Bao and ask for a ride on the moped. He’s got a real good head on his shoulders, this guy. I’m in a war-torn country where I’m not wanted and the enemy could be anyone, so how’s about I just wander up to a stranger in hopes of hitching a ride and expect him to comply out of recognition that I’m a Good Guy because I have a machine gun? I can totally see how Jack progressed so quickly…can you hear the eyeroll with that? OK, good.

Bao stops at a village and tells Jack to wait. Bao, nobody tells a Pearson to wait. Jack starts walking around the village with his gun at the ready (He’s a good guy, so this is OK) and discovers Bao unloading bags of cans, which are used in homemade explosive devices. Jack asks Bao if he’s a good guy or a bad guy. Well, isn’t THIS insightful? I hope Bao says, ‘I could ask you the same question,’ but that would involve….I don’t know, complexity? Not playing a war for cheap jingoistic heroics? Bao doesn’t answer, so we all know where this is headed….he drops Jack off and tells him to walk the rest of the way to his camp, after Jack points out where his camp is (again with the genius military mind). Jack arrives in camp and then, turns out, the CO has followed him in a copter and tells him, ‘you know what? Your brother has a screw loose, but at least he’s not a total moralizing idiot. He stays. You go home.’ Sigh. No, the CO has been bitten by a spider and sees the error of his ways and hands Jack his cape and his brother, too, for safekeeping. For two weeks. More than enough time for the evil Bao to plot their demise.  

I refilled my wine and got a book of Bao Phi poems ready to read in order to regain lost brain cells, so the artful time warps miss me and I’m afraid I have no idea when or where this happens, but Bad Townie (I think) gets Squirrel killed by throwing a long pass with a football and then the Woman with the Necklace is seen creeping through camp and we hear ‘whump whump’ but it’s not a helicopter, it’s a giant bat coming to swoop Nicky away and leave the rest to carve necklaces out of Bao’s moped parts. This place has a lot of Bad Men. I’m skeert for Jack.

Sometimes...I Realize That My Life is a Britney Spears Song. And Rather than Kill Myself and Compete with that ABC Show, I Hoard Champagne Bottles So I Can Kill Him Softly by Asking Miguel to Open All of Them in the Middle of the Night

Accccccckkkkkkk!!!!!! (To quote Cathy for a self-effacing minute). That’s not all, folks. We still have the Jack/Rebecca story of driving to L.A. to test Rebecca’s mettle and talent as the next big thing. My god, this hour is taking FOREVER….

Did you know a Vietnam vet and a woman molested by her dad have similar issues opening up to people? Yeah, I could have guessed that, too, but it’s better to have an anvil in my lap with KEVIN IS JUST LIKE REBECCA – DRAWN TO LOST CAUSES TO FIX THEM WITH LOVE! OK, I feels a headache coming on from impact, so let’s just get this over with. Jack stares moodily out the window the entire drive. Rebecca looks vaguely sick and worried, but of course, a shirtless Jack puts all doubt to rest as well as his relentless “charm” (aka, setting down compliments and flattery like a cheap cheese plate….mmmmmm….cheese to go with wine…yes, please…..ooops, sorry, back to the greatest love story ever told). Rebecca’s friend has landed a poor girl’s Pretty Woman set up and Jack freaks out when someone pops champagne and Rebecca thinks maybe this whole Vietnam thing can’t be solved no matter how lovely a singer she may be, but her friend says she can totally see why Rebecca is so smitten (probably just trying to get Rebecca out of L.A. so there will be less competition for washer and dryer commercials).

Anyway, Jack has mysterious “friends” to see - aka, unload his guilt on Squirrel’s parents so they can take a minute from their loss and console him and tell him he’s still Superman and everything is ducky, no worries here. Besides, they have photos of their other children and those children will grow up to be dumb tourists and one day help Jack’s own son discover that his taste in necklaces sucks…the universe really isn’t kind, Jack, to control freaks like you who keep insisting that people pay attention to how good you are.  Someday, people like me will mock you on an internet forum. You’ve been warned.

If Mandy Moore had even a scrap of depth as an actress, I might be mildly interested in her Sophie’s Choice storyline. Man or art? Flip the middle finger to the one agent and get thee to whatever club will have you to start crooning and risk never seeing shirtless Jack again? God, feminism is hard. But no big deal, Rebecca decides. Fun trip, mostly, except for the PTSD stuff, but I’ll fix him, I’m sure. No dramatic tension for me, thanks.  I'll realize that my true power comes from singing to the man I love (Dear Cosmo, Breakthrough! I made my guy cry!!!!). Jack can cry all he wants, but honestly, I'm not even buying "Pittsburgh Good." Maybe "Three Rivers, Michigan, adequate."

So, we hope you enjoyed your breathing room without Kate and Randall this episode – maybe that’s why the hour took so damn long. No Misery Olympics or The Best Little Boy in the World to break things up. Fear not (or get that cold duck ready early, your choice) – the vainglorious Pearsons are all in for Thanksgiving,  when Pilgrim Rick returns from the dead with a turkey stuffed with bat and sage dressing and reveals that Jack was infertile due to the long ride on Bao’s moped and that Kate and Kevin were conceived from Miguel’s frozen sperm, so ain’t NOBODY got Jack’s DNA! Suckers!  Plus, see Ricky’s death by irony set to an emo guitar version of “the itsy bitsy spider.” And if you spend the day in a bathtub to recover from all the nausea…well, you’ve been warned.

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I thought this was the Unpopular opinion thread. So, if you're okay with things, this is not the thread to post on.  Is that right?  So, criticisms and just why you have issues with the show belong here.  Right?

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1 hour ago, SunnyBeBe said:

I thought this was the Unpopular opinion thread. So, if you're okay with things, this is not the thread to post on.  Is that right?  So, criticisms and just why you have issues with the show belong here.  Right?

I think it's for opinions that not many other posters share. So if most posters don't want to see any more William flashbacks, the few who do want to keep seeing them have an unpopular opinion. 

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2 hours ago, SunnyBeBe said:

So, criticisms and just why you have issues with the show belong here.  Right?

No, in that case this would be called the Negative Opinions thread. The point of Unpopular Opinions is voicing opinions that go against the majority of fans'. Overwhelmingly, people who watch This Is Us love Jack, love William, cry multiple times every episode, etc. So people who dislike those characters and don't cry have this thread to say so and talk about their minority opinions. In, for example, the main episode thread saying "William is annoying and unnecessary in season 3" feels a little contrarian and antagonistic, whereas here we're on the drier, more sarcastic side and that opinion would be well received.

Edited by CleoCaesar
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5 hours ago, doLLish said:

The show didn’t deserve any Golden Globe noms.

I kind of agree with you.  TPTB seem to have gotten inflated egos and are becoming lazy.  There are a couple of actors who have been very good but the writing and stories have gone downhill.  That doesn't bode well for the actors.

This whole Randall running for office in Phillie is just ridiculous.  Which one of TPTB is from Phillie?  Otherwise why did they choose it?  Randall lives in Alpine, NJ.  The distance and concept is a WTF for me.  Now, if they chose Newark, I could buy it a bit more.  Notice I'm saying a bit.  Randall still lives in Alpine but at least Newark is commutable given how they project that Randall and William just magically get there (William traveled 4 hours everyday to feed his cat?).  And I guess Randall has a helicopter because he gets there and back in an impossible time that makes no sense.  Never mind that he's not a resident.

And then we have Deja's mother moving to Delaware.  Yeah.  That's even further from Alpine than Phillie.  How about NY?

Edited by breezy424
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7 hours ago, breezy424 said:

his whole Randall running for office in Phillie is just ridiculous.  Which one of TPTB is from Phillie?  Otherwise why did they choose it?  Randall lives in Alpine, NJ.  The distance and concept is a WTF for me.  Now, if they chose Newark,

Don't get me wrong, I think it's ridiculous also. However, I don't think they started the series deciding that they (and William) would be originally from Philly, have Randall live I Alpine, knowing that in Season 3 they would have him run for office in William's old neighborhood.  

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The writers should have gotten a big map of the United States and pinned it to the wall before they even started writing the first episode.  They should have consulted all the resources available on the Internet, such as Google Earth, Google Street Views, Google Maps, Mapquest, heck, even Yahoo! Maps before making any commitments as to places.  Instead we have the Pearsonverse version of travel times and ridiculous storylines about who went where for what purpose.

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My guess would be that Philly was chosen as William's home because Dan Fogelman was familiar with the city. (He went to UPenn undergrad; he spent his early childhood in Bethel Park, the same Greater Pittsburgh town where the Big Three grew up, and his youth in Alpine's Bergen County.) Philly had the advantage of being considerably closer to Alpine than Pittsburgh, without being as credulity-straining close to present-day Randall as, say, Newark. Also, the name: meaning, Brotherly Love.

But credulity has become a lot more strained by the Pearsons' jet-setting, land-lording, carpet-bagging throughout the Mid-Atlantic. As the inspiration for all those things, William's final home  absolutely should have been in Newark, where he could pay the rent and from time to time, take the train into Manhattan for the music and poetry scenes. Randall and Beth's fostering a child from Newark, and Tess's future job there in child services, would have been both a stronger and more natural connection to William. 

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10 hours ago, Pallas said:

But credulity has become a lot more strained by the Pearsons' jet-setting, land-lording, carpet-bagging throughout the Mid-Atlantic. As the inspiration for all those things, William's final home  absolutely should have been in Newark, where he could pay the rent and from time to time, take the train into Manhattan for music and poetry scenes. Randall and Beth's fostering a child from Newark, and Tess's future job there in child services, would have been both a stronger and more natural connection to William. 

Plus William wouldn't have to spend all day going back and forth to feed his cat, who probably missed his Daddy and wanted company.

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Perhaps You’ve Noticed You’re Changing : the True Story of Becoming a Woman (which will really suck when you discover even your own aunt can’t wait to tell others how you’re changing)

And

The End is the Beginning is the End Again and Around the Beginning is the Middle and Who Moved My Cheese to the End and Began Eating the Middle and Is Anyone Else Dizzy or All We All Just Stoned as Hell and Somebody Call Cracker Barrel and an Explosion and Boom and Beginning Boom Boom Let’s Go Back to My Room and Nicky was a Young Boy….(or, when you’re too fucking lazy to write any kind of title and so decide that stringing together a few abstract words will really make you deep and twisty and feely)

I’m not going to try to write this hate snark watch recap as though the two episodes were distinguishable from each other.  They just blur together in one lump of warmed over congealed cliché casserole, so let’s dig in and pick out the gristle from the gravy.

Toby is, of course, freaked out by a girl becoming a woman and so skedaddles back to the kitchen to play a game of  20,000 Pyramid: “Uh…full moon. Uh…you know…a monthly thing, Like rent, only moodier?” Men, amirite? Anyway, I want to know how exactly Kate explains the menses to Tess, because the conversation is apparently so engrossing that she doesn’t hear Tobe Babe surfing across the kitchen on the turkey he drops and steps in and apparently so long that Tobe Babe has time to drive his (apparently silent) car to a Cracker Barrel and pick up Thanksgiving dinner of biscuits and bacon and a piping fresh side of homophobia (This is Us: we will make a character gay and then happily take money from a notoriously anti-gay sponsor for product placement. Is irony a feelz?)

Kate finally returns to the kitchen after explaining the mysteries of wings vs. no wings and the need to ignore all the tampon commercials that promise that yes, you can wear a white bathing suit and do flips off a diving board. Kate gets starry-eyed over her hunka hunka dreamboat not because he’s brought dinner but because…gosh, it’s just what her daddy Jack would do and TobeBabe earns a gold star for being like Jack. Tobe Babe runs for the garden and stuffs Randall’s mint up his nose in hopes that it’s not actually mint, just so he can pretend for a while longer that having a bay-bee will make this alllllllll worth it. Or maybe he stuffs down the extra bacon grease gravy boat in hopes that the next heart attack will actually work. In any case, he realizes that Tess’s starting her period is the last thing he needs to freak out about.

Speaking of mint…Randall and Beth and family go to a soup kitchen to dole out meals. Beth doesn’t want pictures because this is totally not a political event, even though I don’t think they’ve ever considered giving up the Pilgrim Rick routine before Randall ran for bestest landlord ever. I hope Randall didn’t make cranberry sauce because…mint? Really? Anyway, Beth and Jae-won get in a fight over the appropriateness of using a soup kitchen as a political stunt (which has never, ever been done and people would be horrified to discover that soup kitchen volunteers don’t always come with hearts of pure gold). It’s a vaguely interesting argument and the two actors are easily in the top three actors of the show, but of course, this means the attention is off of Randall, so here he comes to scream, “She’s my WIFE. I call nepotism!”  Excellent politicking, Randall. Now you’ve pissed them both off and they’re going to write each other in.

Young Randall gets cute with his college essay and explains that you can meet over 8000 people a year or something so how can you pick just one who really changed your life? I guess this makes sense if you’re a Pearson and have to Pearson 8000 strangers every year so that eventually someone clones Jack and grows his DNA on a pig’s ear or something so that we can fill the world with Jacks and nothing but Jacks and no more need for a demented daddy’s girl to undergo a life-threatening pregnancy to make more of him.

Vietnam. Turns out the Woman with Necklace will remain a mystery, as she had the nerve to leave the village without even a forwarding email. Whomp whomp. But fear not, Kevin, there’s another mystery just waiting for you to crack it open so you can drag your girlfriend along for more merry trips to the St. Jack altar. See, turns out Nicky has fab abs, but is kinda fucked in the head. War will do that to a person. Unless you’re St. Jack. My god, do I wish they’d enforced the buzz cut for military enlistees and someone had shaved off Jack’s pile of greasy locks.

 Anyway, Vietnamese boy gets cut on foot which gets infected and St. Jack decides, why not, I’m a medic, too, and goes into the civilian tent trying to explain to these ingrates that just because he’s in uniform doesn’t’ mean he’s coming to hurt them. I gotta think that there are rules against soldiers wandering into civilian “homes,” but hey, even the Vietnam War must be Pearsoned. In any case, while Jack can do any old thing he wants, he is apparently not allowed to put ointment on the kid’s foot himself. Not without first terrorizing the family further by dragging crazy Nicky into it. Excellent people skills, Jack.  So, Nicky freaks out and Jack ends up healing the boy’s leg by rubbing hair grease on it. Then, a boat goes boom. Where’s Nicky? On the boat that went boom. Or so they want you to think….muahh ha hhhh ahhhh….cue the General Hospital music. Is Nicky dead? Or will he end up being the Stavros Cassadine of Philly and keep popping up for every Friday cliffhanger? Mayhaps he skipped out with Bad Townie and now they’re both playing football while on a morphine high and we’ll see Nicky catch  a fish in the end zone and the crowd goes wild…those krazy kidz.

Also, Tess is none too happy when she discovers Kate told grandma that Tess might like girls. Mostly because Grandma tries, but good lord.  Hi, I’m a white straight woman who flushed her dreams down the toilet for a grease fire of a husband…I can so totally relate to you, a black tween whose aunt has told me you may like girls. You know why?  Because I had pimples, too. Ugh! Icky! But Stridex comes in a new green tea formula that’s all organic! See?  It gets better! Tess plugs her earbuds in and prays that, right after space aliens zap her blabbermouth aunt, they carry her away to Mars, where life would likely make far more sense. Tess also belongs to the top three actors of this dreck and could easily carry an entire storyline that, if the show had any writers capable of…well, writing, would be very compelling. Maybe on Mars.

Oh, good gravy. We really have to listen to Randall’s speech? Really? OK, hang on, let me strap pillows to my head because I can hear the anvils creaking on their ropes. I’ll just spare you the delicious suspense. Randall wins! He and his family will be at your doorstep to shovel snow or fix lights or paint park benches or plant mint in the community garden or….wait! The whole community can come together to build a statue of St. William! And then their jobs will be to maintain it! Solved! Take a chance! SKB is taking a chance on an Emmy with this speech, you know!

But, alas, apparently the polls are not good. People got food poisoning from the soup kitchen and Randall lost the “who’s hotter? Me or my campaign manager?” contest. Plus, Deja (oh, right, that kid they fostered/adopted and fixed up within an ep or two) wants to see her bio mom and Tess comes out. Beth has a glass of wine and watches St. William’s face appear in the depths. Oh, Beth….it’s time to stop the bassline. So she tells Randall enough of this campaign. It’s bullshit and boring and now that you have an Emmy tape, can we please get back to your rocking in a corner? Those were the good days. But, oh no, Randall says he’s promised the people that he’d clean out their ovens shirtless. To the couch with you, Randall, in deadly slo-mo camera shots so we know Just How Serious This Is.

Oh, yeah, I forgot. Jesse and William had a romance. They spent Thanksgiving together. Jesse lies about being an investment banker or something and then William invites him over for some music and AA slogan fortune cookies. You may laugh all you want, but, though I don’t give  rat’s junkyard behind about this story, it was again unexpectedly kind of enjoyable. Sort of an interlude between the soliloquies and angst of the most entitled people ever, the anvils and barf-inducing cheesiness and the congratulatory pats on the back* you can hear the writers giving each other. You know a show is bad when the conversations at intermission in the lobby are more interesting to listen to.

Ohhhhhh, boy, I almost forgot. Kate goes for an interview as a teacher without a college degree or experience. But she likes kids. And she was bullied. So she’s found her life’s calling and is going to go back to school to whip out those credits she didn’t complete all those years ago and begin a real big girl career!!!! I don’t want to waste any more keyboard strokes on that hot mess, thankyouverymuch.

Um…oh, OK, yes, there’s the “going to see her” mystery. Revealed! Or IS IT?! “We’re going to see Randall’s mother,” says a world weary Beth. Also, they’re going to play pin the tail on the donkey. Because…yeah, normal. Now, these clever writers want you to THINK it’s Rebecca of the pimple pain that they’re going to visit. But can you figure out who they’re REALLY going to see? It’s a trap! It’s your final exam question! Because oh sweet lord, this is the FINALE!!!!!

“Randall’s mother” refers to:

A.      Kate and TobeBabe’s bundle of joy, named Randall instead of Jack because Kate feels badly about her DNA crack from eons ago and now there’s a boy named Randall with Jack’s DNA and life is perfect, but Kate went crazy from sniffing Randall’s mint and now she’s all Requiem for a Dream or the woman in the Cars’ “Drive’ video – insane and drawing on walls with knees bent at an awkward angle. Anyway, Tess still isn’t ready to see that tattletale fink, but she knows there’s no other way to get Randall out of her office, so off they go to pretend Jack is still alive and bringing banana ice cream to his little princess. TobeBabe dresses up as Jack and Miguel has died of alcohol poisoning.

B.      Randall was a young Cracker Barrel worker just minding his own business when one day he was TobeBabe’ed into throwing together a last minute Thanksgiving feast for some terrifying psycho who kept muttering about full moons. He was employee of the month for that, until his mother, who owned the store, discovered that the meal would be delivered to a house with gay AND bi cooties. Her son disgraced, Randall’s mother vowed revenge on the hideous rainbow family, and rigged the polls so that Randall would drop out, broke a few more lights in William’s old building, and showed up at every one of Kate’s Adele-o-grams with general burn in hell signs. She’s on her deathbed and her son has been visited by the ghosts of St. William and St. Jack and she’s ready to sell the restaurant with the proceeds going to President Pearson’s campaign, but only if the family shows up to accept the check and she can beg forgiveness.

C.      It’s Rebecca. Duh! The show’s not THAT clever.

D.      Randall is Jesse’s alter ego – his drunk alter ego. Jesse falls off the wagon and it’s not long before “Randall” comes to play, creating chaos at a soup kitchen by throwing himself on a piano in a clang of chords as Randall, who is elected president but still works in the soup kitchen himself, tries to pry him off. “Randall” confronts Randall and weeps as he recalls his mother’s dreams of running for office, but never finishing high school. Randall thinks, bares his abs, and has an idea! What if the Pearsons tracked down this woman? What if Kate tutors her to get her G.E.D. and then she’d be qualified to run as Randall’s running mate? Up, up and away! SuperRandall is off, but Tess, whose profession involves both helping people and diagnosing psychosis, recognizes that this is one more delusion of her father’s (he never went back to plain old anxiety – the Pearsons even have to have the best, most grandest delusions!) and wants no part of seeing this poor woman.

E.       All of the above. What, you think they wouldn’t do that?!

F.       None of the above. Tess, Beth and Jae have all quit this bullshit and will be starring in their own show, which has locked out every single producer and writer of TiU. Damn the lawsuits…full quality ahead!

Happy Grease Free Holidays....

 

*"Pat on the back" is the G-rated version of how I would describe the self-congratulatory behaviors of the show's producers/writers. Hey, I don't want to get in trouble with Cracker Barrel...

Edited by potatoradio
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Just know, @potatoradio - although I gave up watching this show after episode three, your recaps are still pretty much the best thing on PTV.

(but I sure would like to know the answer to your above quiz because any of those choices would be viable.  "A" seems like the most logical answer).

Wait........pin the tail on the donkey?  Shoot, I might have to watch after all.

Edited by laurakaye
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Aw, thanks, @laurakaye. You can come back and take your exam anytime. 

I forgot one important confession: I did cry while watching. I KNOW, right? All of a sudden, tears just welled up and I'm sniffling on the couch because there's this really heartwrenching, gripping, must see...movie preview. Smart move, whoever bought air time to show preview of 'Welcome to Marwen' during this show. Another reason the snark recap is a bit off - I had to google the story behind the movie while the Pearsons were expressing their angst glands...

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My UO is that I think they prop William almost as high as Jack as far as making him a sympathetic good guy who just had a hard time catching a break. The worse thing William did was that he was an addict. Other than that he is a great neighbor and friend to all. A gentle man who is always  giving great advice and lending a helping hand. He was just a victim of circumstance.  

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Episode # (too many) - Random Strangers Strike Back

Aaaaaand, we're back with our weekly Pearson pity party. Over the break, our fearless writers have devoured every holiday card (the ones with gold-guilded script, no cartoons) for material  and have returned to their cubes to dutifully produce one-note, fake vanilla sentimentality cookies, re-gifted fruitcake and hollow, waxy chocolate Santas nabbed from clearance bins on December 27th.

I admit - I'm rotten with jealousy. I want a job where I am paid handsomely to fill in "Family Drama Mad Libs" all day. 

Anyway.

Let's begin with the Two Faces of Kate. Kate has two personalities. She's either Queen for a Day or Yogurt Bitch. Lucky, lucky, Toby. So, Kate decides it's time to get the nursery ready for The Bay-bee That Will Fix Everything. Lucky baby. This means, "babe, you have to sell your toys." If I were Toby, I'd throw a gallon of Banana Cream Pie Lite Yoplait all over that supposedly loving face, but Toby is (still wants sex however he can find it) in twue wuv with the awesomeness that is Katie Girl, so he boxes up all of his things and, crafty devil, writes "DNS" on his box of Star Wars figurines. Kate needs a character flaw, the writers decide,  because she's too amazing a goddess right now, so they make her a complete dunce and she says, "oh! DNS! DONATIONS! Yay, babe, thanks!" 

So, poor old Tobe Babe comes home and finds his Star Wars figures have gone bye-bye for about ten bucks. Because Kate is so useless she doesn't understand anything unless Saint Greasy Daddy gave it to her, and St. Greasy is apparently either too dense to have missed the entire Star Wars phenomenon, or he claims the light sabres give him flashbacks to 'Nam, so Kate is a one in a million idiot who doesn't understand the value of Star Wars figurines. 

But no worries, Tobe, she's a Pearson. She's strong! She's Been Through Stuff! She somehow stalks the buyer's name and address as well as finds out the party schedules of whatever home Gabe (said innocent college student purchaser) is in and shows up there with Tobe in tow. And she takes a massive dump in the beer keg  whines her laundry list of woes to Gabe, who looks at her like, "is this Aidy Bryant doing a personal Saturday Night Live skit at my party? AWESOME!" For a minute, I'm sure Metz is going to crack and burst out laughing, that's how ridiculous she sounds. "My daddy died in a fire....I have no toys to give the Bay-Bee...." But no, she keeps it together and Gabe, clearly a Stormtrooper in the making and part of the Empire, strikes back and says, "suck it, stooopid." Somehow, he gets away without even seeing the ghost of St. Greasy or St. William appear to smite him with a speech, so score one for the empire of random strangers! Whoo!

You know what I think? I think that Bay-bee is doomed. I think that the writers will decide to write in yet another house fire and this time, copy from Little House on the Prairie and have Kate, dressed as Slave Leia, use the Bay-bee as a battering ram to smash a window. My mind goes to evil places when I'm bored.

Meanwhile, Tobe realizes that the secret to a happy marriage is to replicate something St. Greasy did for Kate. So, because show, he simply must bring a photo of the stadium to some unsuspecting stranger in a hobby shop and magically recreate the stadium that St. Greasy made! He poses the Star Wars figures Kate has thoughtfully purchased on eBay (money, you say? Pish tosh!) in a Hallmark moment, including Luke manhandling Leia in the center/QB pose. Tobe! That's his SISTER for God's sake! Or were you so enamored with the Ewoks that you missed that? Gah...bad Star Wars fan! Bad! Yogurt Bitch cries, so Tobe calls her BROTHER to ask about the nature of the tears. Oh, this is a relationship that needs so many self-help guides...anyway, good tears for Yogurt Bitch, so all is good in this cozy little slice of Pearson. 

That was just....unpleasant. Moving on.

Randall and Beth are still fighting, as evidenced by Randall sleeping on the couch of doom. Randall assures Beth he'll listen to Heather Has Two Mommies or something in the car as evidence that he's still capable of thinking of someone other than himself. But...don don don....he listens to campaign news instead and learns that the poor folk are questioning why his family isn't with him. What kind of family man is he? So, back he goes to tell Beth that she's a jealous hater and needs to get her act together because she has nothing else in her life that matters, so, damn, woman, come be on my arm at speeches. Beth walks out, because the writers can't have a non-Pearson giving a reality-check speech to any of the precious Pearsons. But OK, maybe she's for real walking out and onto her own spinoff? "I Survived the Pearsons?" Please? 

So, I know this will come as a shock, but the Councilman is really a bad dude. He drives under the influence. And Randall is handed the smoking gun evidence -  no prop is more electrifying than an office envelope. I know, right? Excuse me while I rub the anvil imprint off my head. A troubled Randall shows up at a bakery because random New Year's Eve tradition of blueberry pie that he forgot. Come on, writers, be best. Check your character logs. You know someone with a 12-page cranberry sauce recipe has some long and tiresome Emmy-submission speech about the origins of said ritual. The blueberries match St. Greasy's eyes? Well, I'll just chalk it up to a holiday miracle: the writers missed a chance to Pearson us with blueberry pie. Probably under the gun to finish up this schlock and someone eating a blueberry muffin said, "yeah, blueberry pie...that'll bring the feels!"

Anyway, the hero of this episode is the bakery owner/worker who says, "no, we're out...move along...next." She is Yoda and Ben Kenobi and Luke Skywalker rolled into one. Is her action figure available on eBay? 

Randall runs into the preacher from church and now the writers have had coffee and read inspiration from Harriet Lerner's "The Dance of Manhood" because now we're getting a whole lot of pontification on what makes a "good man." Are you kidding me? I could have watched a Charlie Brown special and gotten a more powerful message. I for damn sure would have used up more Kleenex. I still can't listen to "Snoopy Come Home" without becoming a puddle. Sorry, I got distracted again...

The preacher gives Randall the last blueberry pie (Miracle on 34th St!) and Randall dumps the envelope of evidence that the councilman is Bad and then goes home to ring in the new year with a fresh Pearson diatribe. Me, if I'm watching CNN NYE like Beth and kids are, I want to watch Don Lemon get drunk and proclaim/slur his readiness for a relationship. I don't want my wife to stand in front of the teevee and talk about how important family is to her. Sit down. But Beth remembers that her role is to support the great Randall and reassure him that he's a great man and also give him an opportunity to show off his abs. So, Randall wins and he's great and I'm sure at the first snowstorm, he'll show up at the poor house with a shovel and leftover blueberry pie with his wife and kids working a hot chocolate stand. maybe Beth will spike her hot chocolate and she and Jae will flee the scene? Beth and Jae: a New Hope. 

Blergh. That was also gross. 

And finally, we have Kevin and Zoe. The most interesting thing about this storyline is John Stamos on a keychain. Zoe is the one character who still has a good spidey sense about these Pearsons and is no hurry to unpack her things once she's given the key to the kingdom, so to speak. I mean, she's a serious documentary producer and gorgeous, but sure, she'd be all over some former sit com star who constantly relays plots from other television shows. That's endearing, and also self-destructive because it reminds me that time spent with this show is time I'm not spending watching the other, better shows mentioned. Plus, it's a pet peeve of mine when I'm talking about something and the other person responds immediately, as if they've discovered the key to life, 'THAT'S EXACTLY LIKE THE SEINFELD [could be others, but usually this is the show] EPISODE WHERE...." Shut up. I'm talking reality here. But Zoe isn't just your average commitment phobe. And her dark past doesn't just involve childhood sexual abuse. She broke up with someone over EMAIL. Yeah. There's a lot of work to be done to get her fully indoctrinated into the world of Pearson, but Kevin does it in one speech. So, she'll unpack and she loves him. And that is how a Pearson resolves the age old dilemma of "How to Get Someone from Commitment Fear to Commitment Fervor!" 

Well, at least that was just boring.

And now: [dramatic music] everything that's come before, everything we've seen, all the tears, the memories, the moments, the blueberry pies and lost Star Wars figurines and banana ice creams and dead dads and basslines and baybees and gay children....it's all led to THIS....don don don....

Wait, what? It's led to the three Pearson brats walking up to a trailer? Oh, Nicky. RUN! They're coming for you! They know you're in there. They know you're a raging nut case and want nothing to do with the world, but boy howdy, that's catnip to these disciples of Pearson. I mean, Zoe risked contacting her ex boyfriend to find you! Oh, lord, so THIS is what it's like to actually feel sorry for a character on this show. Poor Clark Kent. 

The burning question then, is how many speeches will it take for Clark Kent to suddenly turn sane and rejoin  the Pearson's world? Will it become a tradition to hike to his old trailer every year? Is he hiding a new blueberry pie recipe? Does he have a treasure trove of Jack's old gum wrappers that Kate can give the bay-bee? Is he a reclusive movie critic who wrote the 4% of rotten reviews for Kevin's movie? 

I know. I can't wait, either. 

Edited by potatoradio
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23 minutes ago, potatoradio said:

Wait, what? It's led to the three Pearson brats walking up to a trailer? Oh, Nicky. RUN! They're coming for you! They know you're in there. They know you're a raging nut case and want nothing to do with the world, but boy howdy, that's catnip to these disciples of Pearson. I mean, Zoe risked contacting her ex boyfriend to find you! Oh, lord, so THIS is what it's like to actually feel sorry for a character on this show. Poor Clark Kent. 

Oh, so cynical, yet oh, so perfect. Brava!

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3 hours ago, topanga said:

Oh, so cynical, yet oh, so perfect. Brava!

I felt the same way, yikes, here they come, all 3! He's never even met them and they descend. I hope he sends them packing at first and isn't, "Oh I was hoping Jack's kids found me" I missed you growing up, his funeral, etc and was just waiting for you all to show up. Will your love get me back on medication and at Kate's shower, Kevin's wedding?

I hope it's written well and not tripe, but time will tell.

Edited by debraran
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2 hours ago, debraran said:

I felt the same way, yikes, here they come, all 3!

 

The worst part of it, for me, is that Kate apparently flies cross-country in the second trimester of a high-risk pregnancy just so the Big Three can meet (more like confront) Nicky as a group. If I'd been in her situation and my brothers called me to tell me they've found a long-lost, presumed-dead uncle and wanted to go see him, I'd have said "good luck, call me when you get back". No way would I take any health risks for something like that.

Edited by chocolatine
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8 hours ago, chocolatine said:

The worst part of it, for me, is that Kate apparently flies cross-country in the second trimester of a high-risk pregnancy just so the Big Three can meet (more like confront) Nicky as a group. If I'd been in her situation and my brothers called me to tell me they've found a long-lost, presumed-dead uncle and wanted to go see him, I'd have said "good luck, call me when you get back". No way would I take any health risks for something like that.

That baby is going to do all it can to stay in Kate.  There is no way that he would want to come out and face those four.

I was just imagining "the big 3" on a high school reunion committee.  They would be hunting classmates down, dragging them out of their homes to attend whether they wanted to attend or not.  Not in a million years could they ever drag me to one of those things, not to mention ever talking to horrible classmates.

BTW, was there a high school reunion episode? 

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38 minutes ago, icemiser69 said:

That baby is going to do all it can to stay in Kate.  There is no way that he would want to come out and face those four.

I was just imagining "the big 3" on a high school reunion committee.  They would be hunting classmates down, dragging them out of their homes to attend whether they wanted to attend or not.  Not in a million years could they ever drag me to one of those things, not to mention ever talking to horrible classmates.

BTW, was there a high school reunion episode? 

Not yet, although I think Randall went to a different school than Kevin and Kate. I think if I was a loner, whether mentally ill or just gave up on the world, and saw these 3 outside my apartment, I'd get my weapon. How intrusive can you be? All these years, he lived and didn't die, got by without their help and now, they feel the 3 of them with triple the Pearson charm can do what their parents couldn't do. If they can't have Jack, they can have his brother and of course it gives Jack more air time in new roles of flashbacks with his brother before he stopped visiting. Maybe if they left a letter?

I just hope he doesn't get the speeches...give him some pity.

Edited by debraran
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6 hours ago, icemiser69 said:

That baby is going to do all it can to stay in Kate.  There is no way that he would want to come out and face those four.

I was just imagining "the big 3" on a high school reunion committee.  They would be hunting classmates down, dragging them out of their homes to attend whether they wanted to attend or not.  Not in a million years could they ever drag me to one of those things, not to mention ever talking to horrible classmates.

BTW, was there a high school reunion episode? 

There was an episode where Kevin returned to the high school that he and Kate attended and participated in some sort of school assembly, but I don't think it was a full-on reunion. That was when he hooked up with the girl who had crushed on him in high school and ghosted her the next morning, leaving behind Jack's necklace.

And, yes, I agree with everyone else on this thread, the Big 3 have absolutely no right to trample on their uncle's privacy by showing up unannounced.  Even if they hadn't thought he was dead, they don't get to magically appear at his door and demand explanations.  Because we all know that that is what is going to happen.  Send the guy a note, give him your cell number, offer to meet him at a diner in town; but do NOT ambush a guy who you know was estranged from your family for the better part of 50 years.  It isn't fair to him and it is just not right.

Edited by doodlebug
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8 hours ago, debraran said:

Not yet, although I think Randall went to a different school than Kevin and Kate. I think if I was a loner, whether mentally ill or just gave up on the world, and saw these 3 outside my apartment, I'd get my weapon. How intrusive can you be? All these years, he lived and didn't die, got by without their help and now, they feel the 3 of them with triple the Pearson charm can do what their parents couldn't do. If they can't have Jack, they can have his brother and of course it gives Jack more air time in new roles of flashbacks with his brother before he stopped visiting. Maybe if they left a letter?

I just hope he doesn't get the speeches...give him some pity.

If they had any brains they would talk to their mom (Rebecca) first.

Most people want to keep their privacy and they have every right to do so.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It just seems that in the internet age, that too many people seem to think that other people who want to keep their privacy are some how shady.  That isn't true.  For many, there is life beyond the internet.

It amazes me how the "big 3" have so much free time on their hands to run off and invade people's lives without a care in the world.

It is rather interesting that the postmark on the card Nicky sent was 1992.  That would be well past his return from Vietnam.

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1 hour ago, icemiser69 said:

If they had any brains they would talk to their mom (Rebecca) first.

Most people want to keep their privacy and they have every right to do so.  There is nothing wrong with that.  It just seems that in the internet age, that too many people seem to think that other people who want to keep their privacy are some how shady.  That isn't true.  For many, there is life beyond the internet.

It amazes me how the "big 3" have so much free time on their hands to run off and invade people's lives without a care in the world.

It is rather interesting that the postmark on the card Nicky sent was 1992.  That would be well past his return from Vietnam.

If nothing else, they might want to discover if their father might've told their mother the truth about their uncle while withholding it from them since they were kids and it was easier than explaining why he didn't want anything to do with them.

For that matter, we know Jack told Rebecca that his brother was dead when they were just starting out in their relationship but do we know for sure that he never told her the truth once they were married, particularly considering he did have some contact with him?

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Episode (lost count...when, when, will this END?): "Dear Writers....Pssssssstttt....You Picked the Wrong Pearson as Main Character!"

 

Before we get to that oh so powerful moment of the three Pearsons stalking a trailer like a trio of righteous zombies…

Jack gets postcards from Nicky delivered to his work. What? Huh? So he’s been pretending Nicky is dead and hasn’t been in contact, but somehow Nicky, living all alone as a drunk demented hermit in a trailer with no internet, natch, gets the address of his workplace? Oh, fine, whatever you need to do, show, to get St. Jack’s face on camera. I can’t actually read the postcards, but I think one of them says “Jack P. is a fugly slut.”

Also, Beth has a little thing called a life. Specifically, a few job interviews. You know, so she can stop being so jealous of Randall? Well, she’d kind of like Randall to stay around and, I dunno, support her, but he tells her she’s amazeballs and also hot in heels and besides, he has three full weeks before he has to get to work as a councilman (uh…that’s three more weeks that the noble poor folks have to go without lighting, so thanks for nothing, wunderkind) so geez, please, woman, get thee back on that bass, k?

Five minutes in and one Randall speech complete. Sigh. Hmmm. Maybe I should mute the teevee and listen to Nine Inch Nails as a soundtrack and make up my own dialogue? Eh, cat on lap, full wine glass…nevermind.

Kate leaves Tobe Babe behind to play with his new figurines and flies out last minute because again, money grows on trees for these people, and apparently it’s no biggie to fly during the early trimesters of a high risk, $20,000 pregnancy. Come ON, show, do you know how many women I know who cancelled vacations and business trips once they found they were pregnant and needed to fly? But this is Queen Kate we’re talking about and she’s probably hoping this new uncle of hers has the undershirt Jack sported in Nam that she can use for a diaper or a Pinterest-inspired hat?

As they get into the car, Kevin asks Randall how he’s so calm about finding long lost uncle. Randall says, “well, when you find out your mother has hidden the truth about your birth father from you your entire life and you get an Emmy for that, you’re cool.”

Me: Bwahhhhh ha ha ha ha!

Me: Meeee-OW, Randall!

Cat on lap: Don’t bring me into this, human.

After a few minutes of Big Three yuk-yuk, tee-hee in the car that tries so hard I just want to give in and make a donation already to make it stop…here we are at the trailer and the zombie Pearson apocalypse is going to start. Yeah!

Kevin starts doing everything but kicking in the door because braaaiiiins…oh, nevermind, no brains. It’s just Nicky tottering up the drive with a brown bag of booze like the drunken Mr. Gower in the unborn George Bailey version of “It’s a Wonderful Life.”

Nicky tells them to skedaddle, but Kate is Strong and plunks herself down and informs him that Kevin has flown halfway around the world and his girlfriend ate a BAT so that he could solve the Scooby Doo mystery of the missing necklace. Nicky looks at them blearily, hoping this is a hallucination and the prelude to a merciful blackout, and then says, ‘you’re Jack’s kids all right.’  I know, Nicky, I feel your pain.

Back to Nam to rehash the same damn scenes that were clichéd and stupid the first time. They have not gotten more poignant or feelz-y with time, in case you were wondering. Nicky is stoned out of his mind, also crazy from the pain and suffering of war (he’s kinda weak like that), so SOMEBODY is going to die in a horrible way. Like, a lot of fish. Nicky throws a grenade into the water and ka-boom! Fish heads…fish heads..yummy, yummy fish heads… Damn. War is hell.

But if you think THAT’S reaching rock bottom…you’ve never watched an After School Special. Of course the poor Vietnamese kid gets blown up because he reaches for the grenade and then Nicky drops it and is too much of a loser to push the kid out of the boat so he saves himself and the writers put their trademark flourish on the imagery (“close up: child size flip flop floating, upside down…maybe change to black and white film and color the single sandal red? Oh, Schinder’s List already did something like that? Well, there were no Pearsons in that movie, so it doesn’t count.”)

Oh, Nicky, you’ve done it now. Superman is PISSED. He TRIED to save you, dumb ass. He travelled around the world to find you (whoa…his son would also travel around the world to find him….that’s some deep stuff, there…) and now you’ve gone and screwed up the rescue mission. Be gone, Nicky.

So…this is all to reveal that St. Jack is actually an asshole. Well, show, I kinda figured that out, but you go on with your big “OMG” moments. Does this mean no more gratuitous shots of Milo in anything tight and white? More importantly, is this the reason he doesn’t want to wash his hair? Shampoo makes him feel too good or something?

Nicky has apparently never had the chance (because it’s against federal law to write, ‘it was an accident, you sanctimonious douche’ on a postcard) to tell St. Jack it was an accident. St. Jack visited once, said ‘no talking about Nam!’ and then said, ‘I have a good life.’ And, to prove it, he shows Nicky a picture of his family. Now THAT is being best. Ya know, Jack, there are less, um, ‘noble’ ways to tell your brother to go piss in the wind. You, too, could pick up a pen and postcard. “Dear Nicky – You are the James Stenbeck of my Oakdale. Everyone thinks you’re dead and is better off for it. If you show your face near my perfect life, I will be forced to meet you in my driveway as I slowly, soulfully, shirtless, wipe down a random car part.”

Anyway, Nicky finds out about Jack’s death by Crock Pot and immediately bursts out laughing at the melodramatic irony of it all. No, wait, sorry, that was me. Actually, what happens is the Big Three go away and come back and walk slowly up to the Trailer of Despair as an emo guitar plucks out a water-torture slow version of Genesis’ “Superman.” They edge their way inside to find….don don don…music change to “Janie’s got a gun.” Oh, NO, I never would have guessed he’d be SUICIDAL….

But wait! He’s not dead! Randall picks up the gun and Kevin delivers a Jesus/Jack-shoulder touch and the Big Three fireman-carry a sobbing Nicky to the car and feed him raisins and tell him he’s headed to a wonderful land of Pearson, where problems disappear with one speech and guitar riff! Plus, if he follows The Pearson Program, he might even be able to play Pilgrim Rick next Thanksgiving! Off they go to the bouncing tune, “Oh, Mickey.”

Oh, fucking hell, that was only part one?! Zounds…more secrets to be revealed in part two? Like, the secret cookie recipe from Red Leader?

Well, show, the secret you ACTUALLY revealed is that you’ve been focused on the wrong damn character. Where has old Nicky been? The actor is fantastic. And if you hadn’t confused “sanitized” with “complexity”, well, you could have a helluva story there. If you hadn’t been so hamfisted with planting “reasons” Nicky fucked up (he was a sensitive lad, abusive dad, bad luck, driven crazy by war and an addict so OF COURSE the tragedy is not that an innocent kid gets killed but rather, Nicky becomes a blight on St. Greasy’s life)…well, you’d have something called an interesting character arc.

But we don’t want that, do we? Nah, it’s all about how St. Jack’s life was ruined and the guilt HE carried around because he wasn’t perfect. Christ on a cracker, show, we really need more dramas featuring asshole average white guys with wilted little god-hero-complexes?

Hokay, so part II will be Nicky engaging in re-enactment therapy using the Star Wars figures and then Rebecca will say, “you know, Jack wasn’t perfect. he couldn't even wash his hair.” And Red Leader will toss his lovely, styled locks and say, “duh!” And then Randall will take everyone down to the good poor folks to listen to jazz as they finally put light bulbs in the damn lights so the poor folks will stop getting attacked but then Kate will think the glow of new lights is St. Jack’s halo and climb a ladder, hand outstretched, moaning, ‘brraaaaiins…banana ice creaaaaaaammmm..” and then she’ll fall and Kevin will propose to Zoe in the ambulance.

I really am wondering how much longer this show is going to hump along…I haven’t seen nearly as many ads telling me that I HAVE TO WATCH  and get shanked in the feelz. But I have a bad feeling it’s not going away anytime soon, so…more wine…more happy cat on lap….it could be worse…

Edited by potatoradio
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29 minutes ago, potatoradio said:

Kate leaves Tobe Babe behind to play with his new figurines and flies out last minute because again, money grows on trees for these people, and apparently it’s no biggie to fly during the early trimesters of a high risk,

How far along is she anyway?  In theory, you can fly the first two trimesters no problem, but Kate probably shouldn't risk it.  Did the episode the Last Seven Weeks actually take place over 7 weeks, because if they did, she's at least 3 months in, I would think.  And, not only the flying, they really had no way of knowing if Uncle Nicky was violent or not.  They had to know their dad told them he was dead for a reason.  I'm not saying it had to be a violent reason, but it's not out of the realm of possibilities. 

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1 hour ago, potatoradio said:

Jack gets postcards from Nicky delivered to his work. What? Huh? So he’s been pretending Nicky is dead and hasn’t been in contact, but somehow Nicky, living all alone as a drunk demented hermit in a trailer with no internet, natch, gets the address of his workplace?

The fact that he knew where Jack worked and later where he lived leads me to believe that he was in contact with his mother.  Or someone.  We'll see.

As to how far along Kate is, I thought I heard her say second trimester sometime recently.  Probably no danger traveling but I wouldn't risk it if I were her with her history.  And having to hit the airplane "bathroom" frequently, forget it. 

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8 minutes ago, ShadowFacts said:

As to how far along Kate is, I thought I heard her say second trimester sometime recently.  Probably no danger traveling but I wouldn't risk it if I were her with her history.  And having to hit the airplane "bathroom" frequently, forget it. 

That's a good point.  She had to pee 12 minutes into the car ride.  Peeing every 15-20 minutes on a plane would be insane.  Also, it's winter which means plenty of opportunity for seat-belt required turbulence.  Then you can't pee from the moment you get on the plane until they get up in the air.  That can take over a half hour.  And then there's landing and waiting for everyone to get off the plane.  This sounds like a nightmare.  I hope she had an aisle seat.

Edited by Katy M
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33 minutes ago, ShadowFacts said:

The fact that he knew where Jack worked and later where he lived leads me to believe that he was in contact with his mother.  Or someone.  We'll see.

 

I figure that Nicky could get Jack's home address from the local public library.  This would have been an almost daily occurrence at the library's reference desk back in the day.  Unless it is explicitly stated, I would assume that the Jack Pearsons were in the phone book.  The local librarian would call a library in the Pittsburgh area and would probably have an answer in 1-2 business days.  His work address would take a lot more digging unless their mother or another family member was in contact with Nicky.

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Lady Calypso

Let's bring the discussion back to Unpopular Opinions about the show.  

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