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S01.E04: The Pool


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 Am I making this up?  Anyone?   And it was after that but pretty much from that time on that my mom wouldn't let me go without at least a 15 but preferably a 30. 

Not sure. I'm a lot older, and find myself sometimes startled by the comments of people reminiscing the 70s or 80s, because their perspectives seem off, like they're talking about the 1940s instead. I find myself thinking, "Hey, we weren't that backwards then!" 

Because I watch tennis, I was made aware of Australia's "Slip, Slop, Slap" campaign. Slip on a shirt, slap on sunscreen, slop on a hat (something like that). Just now, I was surprised to learn that this campaign started in 1980, in response to melanoma.

I meant to ask, when I originally posted, if anyone else keeps looking for clues about the future. For instance, when they showed the picture of the pool lady with the family, was this a hint of what happened to Jack and Rebecca's marriage? This show has me on my toes because normally, I watch TV more passively. Normally, I'm not very observant.

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6 hours ago, Lostinthehouse said:

Kate acted like a normal, insecure woman.  Her insecurity is shown so many times in this series so far that her stalking the ex was totally in character.  I was very much like Kate about 10 years ago when I "stalked" a boyfriend's ex.  Once when he was out of town on business and I was staying in his apartment, I rifled through all his papers, looking for "something" (anything) about his ex.  I found 2 photos of her hidden in a cupboard above the fridge.  I promptly ripped up the photos and took them directly to the outside garbage dumpster.  Was I / am I crazy?  No, just insecure.

This show gets me every single week.  It will be unbearable when William's cancer advances;  I will be heartbroken when we learn what happened to Jack (not foreseeing good things here), I am not looking forward to seeing Kate's continuing insecurity (although it is inevitable), and any more scenes with Randall will make me watch with a kleenex box in my lap.  It's a stellar example of what television should be, and what other dramas should strive to be.

 

1 hour ago, romantic idiot said:

My apologies, and I am not implying anything, but this line made me life because I thought that's exactly what a crazy person would say. 

 

If apologies and forgiveness are still floating around, please don't take offense to my vehement objection to the idea that Kate acted normally.   If you've ever popped out of a bush or been peeking around a column to physically spy on someone, I'm sorry, that is not normal.   Everybody has insecurities but the minute a person allows them to manifest into behavior that potentially threatens another's security?  Yeah, no. 

I liked everything about the pool scenes.  If anything, in my mind, for all of their experiences of exclusion for different reasons, Kate and Randall should be as close as Kate and Kevin are.   

Randall talking to William in the store was mwah ::kissesfingers::  I mean, I understood that he got it, especially from last episode's "hi white people" but I didn't know he got it, got it.  The awareness of the security guard's newly peripheral position, the confidence/certainty with which he knew he'd be asked for i.d. at the cash register even though he looks the part.   I don't know whether this was scripted or interpreted but the fact that he's conscious of delivering these lines in a voice that he never raised?  Oh my God, all of it was really just a thing of beauty.  

I didn't like that the black lady at the pool was condescending.   I'm not sure why she needed to be or what Rebecca's reaction was supposed to be to:  we know who you are, when a white family adopts a black child and doesn't introduce themselves........I'm sorry, do I owe you money?  I mean since you know who I am what stopped you from coming to say hi to me?  The clincher was when Rebecca was genuine in her question about sunscreen and the lady laughed.    Why is that funny?  Are you supposed to be upset that she's not familiar with all things black or smug that she's not?   She's a good actress because I detest her character lol.

I must be made of steel (™Kate McKinnon) because I haven't cried once yet (and I cried at the damn Budweiser Clydesdale with the good memory commercial) but the apology William gave Randall might have caused a lip quiver.

p.s. this has been bugging me from the beginning - why have they referred to themselves as twins?  is it just easier to explain to other people or is this the accurate consequence of multiple births where one baby has died?  sorry if it's been asked,  I can't help but think I've heard people say I was born a twin, but they died.

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45 minutes ago, mojito said:

Not sure. I'm a lot older, and find myself sometimes startled by the comments of people reminiscing the 70s or 80s, because their perspectives seem off, like they're talking about the 1940s instead. I find myself thinking, "Hey, we weren't that backwards then!" 

Because I watch tennis, I was made aware of Australia's "Slip, Slop, Slap" campaign. Slip on a shirt, slap on sunscreen, slop on a hat (something like that). Just now, I was surprised to learn that this campaign started in 1980, in response to melanoma.

I also watch The Americans  which also takes place in the 80s so it is always interesting to see the birth of a lot of things.  My wonder years were in the 80s so my recollection is hazy at best and I remember more my favorite shows then what was happening in real life.  Then again still true now so....anyway a lot of things we take for granted now had their infancy in the 80s like personal computers and although already invented most people couldnt afford cellphones (unless you were the govt or a massive drug dealer) so people used pay phones.  It's actually fun to watch an 80s movie with a Millennial.  Their reaction is hilarious.

Edited by Chaos Theory
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My goodness I love this show so freaking much! 

First time posting but there was so much to delve into here. 

Im loving how we are seeing how our past affects our present. We're seeing how all three kids are who they are, for better or worse.

Kevin - The perceived "normal" one with no outward things for the parents to worry about gets overlooked every single time. For a set of parents that were so overly concerned about keeping eyes on their kids, it killed me (as I'm sure it did Kevin) to see them sit with their backs turned towards the pool i.e Kevin. They deserved everything he said to them in that moment. Another poster was so on the money with their parents slight preference of concern (I don't want to say love cause I truly don't think that's the case) towards Randall. Kevin gets his toy taken away and Rebecca is awed that Randall solved it rather than getting on him, Randal wonders off and Kevin gets yelled at, even staying in the pool together was more about Randall feeling included than Kevin's fear of swimming. You can see how the parents fueled Kevin's need for attention AND his resentment of Randall. This episode finally made Kevin interesting even if I got second hand embarrassment for him in the audition scene, lol. 

Kate- When you get notes like the one she got...that stays with you, and it shows. I'm sure those girls were turned off by more than just Kate's weight...she's still "childish" when they are trying to be "cool", she's loud and silly. But they drew a pig on that  note, she would remember that forever. So knowing this event, it's easy to piece it to where Kate is now as an adult and why it's so unbelievable for her to think anyone much less Toby is interested in her. And I thought her reaction about the ex wife was in character and made sense. She went way overboard accepting an interview and actually taking the job (which I hope she calls and quits immediately) but none of that screamed "psycho". It screamed "massively insecure" partially because she got validation from a "skinny" girl. Kate is prob the most messed up of all of them. Toby felt real for he first time and I liked it. I like Toby and Kate together even though even I wonder why he chooses to deal with a woman who has so many inner demons when he barely knows her. 

Randall - by far he has the richest story of the show and I love Sterling K. Brown in this. Everything between him and william was amazing and I loved how they contrasted their different experiences with racism with their different backgrounds but still knew that they were fighting the same fight in a different way. But the moment that really made me choke up a bit was when Randall was telling William about how he feels about looking for him and his internal conflict with it when says "and I love my father" and the way his voice trembled and he almost lost it. Jack wasn't perfect but you can tell how much all three kids love him so dearly. 

Jack and Rebecca - I love them so much. They were the reason I wanted to watch in the first place but from this episode I loved how the explored two parents who have the best of intentions and are doing the best they can, and still they make mistakes and are falling short in some ways. Side note: I relate to Rebecca in just wanting a space of time to finish a damn paragraph, and I salute her actually finishing her book at the pool, something I never could have done, lol. 

Overall I feel like this delved deeper into these five characters and I love how this show is confident enough and strong enough to let things unfold naturally and not rush anything. 

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3 hours ago, DearEvette said:

I was thinking about that Snow White play and wondering how much of what we saw -- the laughing -- was as coded or derisive as it looked or if we were supposed to be hearing it/seeing it how Randall was seeing it?  His projection, as it were?  The way it was shot it almost felt that we were seeing what he was seeing, not necessarily how it was truly happening. 

I was thinking this exact same thing, and it's one reason why I loved the scene so much.  Parents laugh during school plays all the time, and they're not being derisive.  It's just "Aww, the kids are so cute!"  But in Randall's case, he'll always second guess those reactions.  He'll never be as certain as he wants to be, because he knows how people can really behave.  And I'm betting that he'll go above and beyond as a father to compensate for those fears.  It's not fair that he should have to question things, but he'll do it out of his love and devotion to his family.  

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3 hours ago, luna1122 said:

Adding to the chorus of those who never cared for Milo before now but now have massive crushes. When did he get so dreamy? 

I think we call that "aging well", and bow to those gods.

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8 minutes ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

 

 

p.s. this has been bugging me from the beginning - why have they referred to themselves as twins?  is it just easier to explain to other people or is this the accurate consequence of multiple births where one baby has died?  sorry if it's been asked,  I can't help but think I've heard people say I was born a twin, but they died.

I think it's just easier.  No need to go on about how one of the siblings died at birth and making others feel uncomfortable.

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2 minutes ago, PRgal said:

I think it's just easier.  No need to go on about how one of the siblings died at birth and making others feel uncomfortable.

ok lol.  I might be a little too pedantic for this part of the discussion.  I keep reacting to *I'm a twin*.  No you're not, you're a surviving triplet.

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8 hours ago, MyAimIsTrue said:

I hate that I missed seeing or noticing the photo so I guess it's a good excuse to watch the episode again.

I love that the pool lady, Ryan Michelle Bathe, is married to Sterling K. Brown in real life.  What a talented couple.

They are so talented. You should hear the story about her giving birth in their bathroom at home. Makes me like them as a couple even more.

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I continue to really love this show. Its one of the few shows that I think are really using flashbacks in a meaningful, interesting way, that informs the characters and their dynamics. The more I get to know the characters, the more I get into their stories. Plus, the music choices are killing me!

Mandy Moore was always my favorite of the 90s Pop princesses (I was in early elementary school at the time, and picking your favorite was a Big Deal) so I am thrilled to see her doing so well here. Rebecca and Jack make mistakes, but you can see how hard they're trying, and how much they love their family. 

This episode really explains a lot about Kevin. He is constantly trying to be the center of attention because he felt ignored as the "normal" kid growing up. He was a bit resentful of Randall, and something of a people pleaser, so that led to their issues growing up. It adds more to his character. 

Kate, stalking your boyfriends ex on Facebook is one thing, showing up at her work is another. I cant blame Toby for being upset, and I am not even a big Toby fan. I can understand Kate being insecure, probably due to issues like we saw here with the Mean Girls, but that seemed to be crossing a line. Have her and Toby even known each other long? Its not like he was hiding her from Kate, she could have just asked about her. 

The Randall story in both the flashbacks and in the present were really interesting. Raising a child of another race can be complicated, at least in what I have seen (no personal experience), and its kind of a hard line to walk. I can imagine Rebecca and Jack didn't want to call attention to the fact that Randall was black being raised in a white family, but...he is, and they do have to acknowledge that, both on a practical level (like with the Barber shop) and on a more cultural level. That being said, I thought the black mom at the pool seemed rather needlessly confrontational with Rebecca. Wouldn't Rebecca going up to random black families and introducing Randall be a bit awkward too? Maybe Jack and Rebecca could have done better with helping Randall with his identity as a black kid, but they're trying. I am glad that Rebecca and the black mom seemed to be friendly by the end though. 

Milo really has gotten way more attractive with age. I also think Mandy is even more lovely now than she was in her teen pop days. Some people just age well. 

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1 hour ago, romantic idiot said:

My apologies, I didn't mean to imply that what you said was commented to rape, and I did note that the post did stress that Kate shouldn't hide herself into a room. I, however, didn't find her behaviour 'beyond that' at all, which is what I meant to call out, and to mention that even if she was loud (which I didn't find her to be), she was still in no way to blame for what happened to her. 

No, I apologize.  I was being overly sensitive.  I raised my cousin from the age of twelve, and I might be projecting.  She was often loud, pushy, and attention seeking, and completely unaware of it.  There was such a fine line between crushing her spirit, and helping her be a little more self-aware.  She was often picked on, and I was one hundred percent in her corner.  But later I would help her to realize certain things.  For instance, I would tell her - Be yourself, I don't want you to be someone you're not.  But you know how beautiful Mozart sounds, well he's just as beautiful when you turn the volume down a little.  It's not changing the music, it's just making it a little easier on the ear.

I'm sure that sounds lame, but it's a very difficult line to walk  Unlike Rebecca, I did occasionally confront the bullies. 

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If anything, in my mind, for all of their experiences of exclusion for different reasons, Kate and Randall should be as close as Kate and Kevin are.   

I'm fully expecting Kate to not react well to William. She's Daddy's girl and may resent Randall "replacing" him.  One of the siblings have to take badly to William and Kevin appears not to be that guy.

Kevin's need for attention was also shown by him twice asking "Where are you at?" in the middle of phone conversations when his siblings were distracted. When facetiming with his brother, his brother suddenly looks behind him and then hangs up (even his wife calls him on that) to check on his dad. When he is speaking to his sister (telling her about his blown audition - at least he is self-aware enough about that) she gets distracted from the conversation by seeing the ex while she is stalking. 

One of the attention to detail in the 80s I caught was people smoking around the pool. A lot of times shows go back in time and forget all the smoking. I am glad smoking is banned, but it is more accurate to show it in flashbacks.

Pool Lady took a poor route to success. Accusing people of being crappy mothers is rarely warmly received.  Pool Lady doesn't owe Rebecca anything, but if she truly wanted to help Randall, she should have taken a more oblique approach.

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So if Randall's family lived in a gated community with a security guy at the entrance, for SURE the guard guy would have seen William before now since he's been coming and going, plus riding around with Randall, for what, a week now? That plus the nosey neighbors would have seen him, too. I call BS on that "William is being arrested for loitering" scene. It was gratuitous IMO, to pound home the difference between black and white. That was done SO much better with Randall's "speech" in the clothing store.

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7 hours ago, Biggie B said:

I was impressed that a bunch of 8 year old girls knew how to spell "embarrassing" or whatever form of the word they used in their terrible napkin note. I often have to rely on spell check to get that one right.

I think they only put one 'r' in embarrass but perhaps that's the latent teacher in me and my extreme dislike for little girls that whisper.

2 hours ago, mojito said:

Because I watch tennis, I was made aware of Australia's "Slip, Slop, Slap" campaign. Slip on a shirt, slap on sunscreen, slop on a hat (something like that). Just now, I was surprised to learn that this campaign started in 1980, in response to melanoma.

I meant to ask, when I originally posted, if anyone else keeps looking for clues about the future. For instance, when they showed the picture of the pool lady with the family, was this a hint of what happened to Jack and Rebecca's marriage? This show has me on my toes because normally, I watch TV more passively. Normally, I'm not very observant.

Yep, as an Aussie we were definitely using sunscreen in the 80s. I remember Mum making sure to buy 15+ and not 4 or 8 SPF.

The photo confused me too and I saw it as perhaps the twist or clue for this episode.

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15 minutes ago, saber5055 said:

So if Randall's family lived in a gated community with a security guy at the entrance, for SURE the guard guy would have seen William before now since he's been coming and going, plus riding around with Randall, for what, a week now? That plus the nosey neighbors would have seen him, too. I call BS on that "William is being arrested for loitering" scene. It was gratuitous IMO, to pound home the difference between black and white. That was done SO much better with Randall's "speech" in the clothing store.

Perhaps the security guy normally works a shift when William isn't walking around the neighbourhood, but had to sub in that morning?  I live in a condo and sometimes, I'd see a weekday guy on weekends.

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2 hours ago, bybrandy said:

Ahhh!   I saw your reply but I totally didn't remember it being Coppertone kids.  And quite frankly I'm not sure the stuff I am talking about was.  It came in like a tube or a roll on specifically for your nose and face.  But Coppertone Kids Colorblock is so in the vein of what I'm talking about and the right time period.  Totally!

It wasn't Coppertone, but I can't remember what it was. I had several neon colors, too. Google Images is failing me and only showing "Zinka" in tubes, but I remember mine was a stick.

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Kate should not have had on that bikini...because she's 8.  Who lets an 8 year-old parade around in a bikini?!

Kate was very insensitive and self-centered in the way she went about finding out about Toby's ex-wife and then sharing that information with him. She only wanted to know all about her because she was skinny.  If Toby had told her that yes his ex was great she's would have still been all sad eyed Sally.  She was only apologetic because Toby told her the ex was horrible thereby making her feel better about herself.

I knew that those tallies Randall was making represented the black people he saw.  Nice little detail.

Loved little Kevin's delivery of him being dead.

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2 hours ago, bybrandy said:

I don't know.  I remember getting spf 4 or 6 which just seems absurd to me now.   But I also remember that protecting the face became a thing and they sold this really brightly colored intense sunblock for kids for their nose and around their eyes.  I know I had some in purple and maybe orange and you didn't rub it in you owned your colors like it was cool.  Maybe it had zinc? I was born in 78 so for sure this was the 80s.  Am I making this up?  Anyone?   And it was after that but pretty much from that time on that my mom wouldn't let me go without at least a 15 but preferably a 30.   

I had my first child in the late 80's - I definitely got sunscreen - as opposed to sun tan lotion - for her. I even made her light clothing (long sleeves, long pants) to wear at the park so we didn't have to lotion up all the time. I remember baking and basting in coconut oil back in my day.

2 hours ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

ok lol.  I might be a little too pedantic for this part of the discussion.  I keep reacting to *I'm a twin*.  No you're not, you're a surviving triplet.

I wonder, have we heard anything that tells us they know they were triplets? I don't really remember - but if not, maybe they've only been told they're twins, at least when they were growing up.

1 hour ago, tennisgurl said:

Kate, stalking your boyfriends ex on Facebook is one thing, showing up at her work is another. I cant blame Toby for being upset, and I am not even a big Toby fan. I can understand Kate being insecure, probably due to issues like we saw here with the Mean Girls, but that seemed to be crossing a line. Have her and Toby even known each other long? Its not like he was hiding her from Kate, she could have just asked about her. 

My sentiments exactly.

 

15 minutes ago, calliope1975 said:

It wasn't Coppertone, but I can't remember what it was. I had several neon colors, too. Google Images is failing me and only showing "Zinka" in tubes, but I remember mine was a stick.

Banana Boat? It comes in bright containers.

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8 hours ago, Enigma X said:

Haha. I was a fan of Milo's on Heroes until I wasn't a fan of Heroes at all.

This is not to imply that I don't like Milo now. This show has made me see a man where a boy used to be. I like.

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I hope they don't turn this show into a whole race thing every week.  I don't mind if Kate's story line is about her weight because that's what the actress signed on for and because being that overweight is something that's avoidable, curable, unhealthy -- et cetera.  Randal's race, on the other hand is none of those things and I don't want the writers to focus the story line on his race as if it's something he should being trying to fix.

"Kevin is the perceived okay one." "Kevin is the normal one."  "It's nice to see Kevin has flaws in his otherwise perfect life."  I read those kind of comments time and time again and I don't get it.   Why do viewers jump to the conclusion that Kevin is/was the golden child?   Is it because Kate is overweight, Randal is black and Kevin is a Ken doll?  Sounds like prejudice to me.  The writers never portrayed Kevin as perfect or favored or chosen or anything that would lead the viewers to anything other than he's one of three children who had their issues.  It's as if when Kevin has an issue the viewers are actually happy as in "See, you're not so perfect afterall, Kevin" even though the writers never said he was.

I pray they don't make the mom become friends with that smug prejudice woman at the pool who jumped to conclusion about how mom is raising Randal.  Mom extended her arm to shake the woman's hand, "Hi, I'm his mother.  I'm sorry. I was just a little panicked."  Then smug prejudice woman smirks at mom and shakes her hand - pause - continue smirking - hold that smirk - through gritted teeth, "Oh, WE know who YOU are.  When a white woman has a black child and they don't introduce themselves to any of us, we tend to take notice."  I would of smacked that bitch and moved on.  Mom had every right to be frantic that Randal had wandered off to play with other kids.  Mom was looking everywhere for her son and he could have been kidnapped for all mom knew.  Yet, all that smug prejudice woman assumed was that mom didn't want Randal playing with THOSE kids.  Smug prejudice woman owes mom an apology.  Big time!

Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate.  Don't be so insecure.  I want to scold you for stalking Toby, but I get it.  You did exactly what a lot of other women would have done but none would be willing to admit it.  I'm on Toby's side in this one.  He had every right to be pissed that she researched his ex, lurked around her place of business, took a job with her then stupidly thinks Toby should be okay with all of that.  

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4 hours ago, romantic idiot said:
4 hours ago, Ms Blue Jay said:

I don't think it's the burning that scares people.  It's the possibility of skin cancer.  I only tanned "never burned" for like the first 16 or so years of my life, then I started burning.  That scares me.  I wear sunscreen now.

Oh, no, I get that people were referring to / are worried about skin cancer. 

4 hours ago, PRgal said:

I started wearing sunscreen around that time (1987/88) as well - Coppertone kids.  My mom was obsessed with me wearing at least SPF 25 (or something like that).  Must be a traditional Asian mom/Asian standard thing.  She didn't want me to look like a farm girl. 

Yeah, sunscreen is big here now, but not because of the cancer so much, though it may ostensibly be the reason. Folks just don't want their children to get darker. 

If you don't mind giving a general answer, romantic idiot, where are you?!? People only lather up their kids in sunscreen because they don't want them getting darker?!? That's horrible!! I'm a very pasty white woman who reluctantly wears sunscreen because if I don't, I burn in about 10 minutes, and it never "fades" to a tan, so there is literally no point to it. I've accepted my fate that I'll basically glow in the dark forever, but I don't have to like it lol.

I thought I knew the answer to Rebecca's question of the pool mom, but I was glad to get the confirmation. A friend of mine that's Hispanic recently got skin cancer, so I was pretty sure African Americans would need sunscreen too, if only to abide by the "better safe than sorry" rule of thumb!

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1 minute ago, SnarkyMcSnarkerson said:

If you don't mind giving a general answer, romantic idiot, where are you?!? People only lather up their kids in sunscreen because they don't want them getting darker?!? That's horrible!! I'm a very pasty white woman who reluctantly wears sunscreen because if I don't, I burn in about 10 minutes, and it never "fades" to a tan, so there is literally no point to it. I've accepted my fate that I'll basically glow in the dark forever, but I don't have to like it lol.

I thought I knew the answer to Rebecca's question of the pool mom, but I was glad to get the confirmation. A friend of mine that's Hispanic recently got skin cancer, so I was pretty sure African Americans would need sunscreen too, if only to abide by the "better safe than sorry" rule of thumb!

I live in Toronto (born and raised with parents from Hong Kong).  The "farm girl" view is a very, very traditional Chinese/East Asian standard of beauty - we're talking some 1K years+ (I have relatives who SWEAR Snow White is supposed to be Chinese (even though the story is German) because she's described as having very, very fair skin, dark hair and red-red lips).  I think it's something that was ingrained in her that tanning = BAD.  Personally, I don't mind being darker (though I've NEVER, EVER been in a tanning salon.  I hate the fake 'n' bake look.  These days, I wear anywhere between SPF 30-45), but when you're eight, you don't really have a choice.  I started buying my own skincare products/make-up at around 12 or 13. 

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30 minutes ago, SnarkyMcSnarkerson said:

If you don't mind giving a general answer, romantic idiot, where are you?!? People only lather up their kids in sunscreen because they don't want them getting darker?!? That's horrible!! I'm a very pasty white woman who reluctantly wears sunscreen because if I don't, I burn in about 10 minutes, and it never "fades" to a tan, so there is literally no point to it. I've accepted my fate that I'll basically glow in the dark forever, but I don't have to like it lol.

India :o) It has its positives and negatives. I didn't get bullied in school, but all my cousin could remark on after I came back from a national level competition is how dark I looked. 

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I finally got a chance to watch this episode this morning and, like every other episode so far, I really enjoyed it.  I don't feel as though I've invested as much in Kevin and in Randall and Kate, but put that on the shoulders of him just not having the same "meaty" story line....yet.

While I wouldn't go so far as to say that Kate "stalked" Josie, I do think she went over the line by going to her store (and definitely by engaging in a job interview!)  However, I think her behavior was not out of the norm for how her character has developed so far up to that point.

One thing that did annoy me, though...that is not how drowning looks.  I get that "for dramatic effect" they needed child Kevin to splash around, but that is actually not realistic.  Instead, the person drowning tends to just...sink.  (end of PSA)

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2 minutes ago, OtterMommy said:

One thing that did annoy me, though...that is not how drowning looks.  I get that "for dramatic effect" they needed child Kevin to splash around, but that is actually not realistic.  Instead, the person drowning tends to just...sink.  (end of PSA)

True, but he wasn't actually drowning, he was mostly just struggling to swim. At one point he did sink down but he pushed back up off the bottom of the pool. All I could think during that scene was "damn, didn't they teach this poor child how to swim?" Seems like 8 is a bit old to be dog-paddling so desperately like that. If I knew my kid was that weak a swimmer I would be watching him more closely at a pool.

22 minutes ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

Agree with all of this, especially the bolded.   But I didn't think Rebecca owed it to pool lady to do this, I think she owed it to Randall, so her tone/delivery?  n'uh uh.   I actually thought it was very big of Rebecca to put her child's needs above her own feelings after having been condescended to like that.   I love this show regardless lol.

Agree with your points, Black Pool Lady (yes, we need a character name, LOL) seemed to be almost, borderline accusing Rebecca of being racist with the whole "you haven't introduced yourself" stuff. It was a bit aggressive for a first conversation. I was glad Rebecca went back for the advice, though. She is obviously a mom who cares enough to swallow her pride for her kid's benefit.

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1 minute ago, ClareWalks said:

True, but he wasn't actually drowning, he was mostly just struggling to swim. At one point he did sink down but he pushed back up off the bottom of the pool. All I could think during that scene was "damn, didn't they teach this poor child how to swim?" Seems like 8 is a bit old to be dog-paddling so desperately like that. If I knew my kid was that weak a swimmer I would be watching him more closely at a pool.

I thought it was strange that he couldn't swim but it at least sounded like Randall and Kate could.  I mean, I would think that all the kids would be enrolled in swimming lessons together OR their parents would teach them all at once.  And, yeah, I did want to scream and Rebecca and Jack with kid Kevin looked up and only saw his parents' backs!

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1 minute ago, OtterMommy said:

I thought it was strange that he couldn't swim but it at least sounded like Randall and Kate could.  I mean, I would think that all the kids would be enrolled in swimming lessons together OR their parents would teach them all at once.  And, yeah, I did want to scream and Rebecca and Jack with kid Kevin looked up and only saw his parents' backs!

It's definitely a good reminder/PSA that even if there are lifeguards, it's up to the parents to make sure their kids are safe at a pool or beach. There are a lot of kids to watch and it doesn't take much for one to slip underwater and never come back up. NBC: The More You Know *shooting star* ;)

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I had a white coworker who had adopted a black girl out of foster care when the little girl was two (they'd fostered a number of other kids of various races over the years but stopped fostering after the adoption), and she and her husband were also parents to an older bio daughter. When I worked with her, her younger daughter was about ten. My coworker talked natural hair with me all the time! I loved it (although I use different products than her daughter because our hair is different textures). Her daughter's hair was always laid because she took her to a black salon to have it done. I felt horrible for Randall when he was scratching the back of his neck, and I was like, damn, in EIGHT YEARS you didn't take him to a black barbershop? I know we only know what we know, but damn - their pediatrician didn't mention it or anything?

37 minutes ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

Agree with all of this, especially the bolded.   But I didn't think Rebecca owed it to pool lady to do this, I think she owed it to Randall, so her tone/delivery?  n'uh uh.   I actually thought it was very big of Rebecca to put her child's needs above her own feelings after having been condescended to like that.   I love this show regardless lol.

I didn't like her delivery either, but I liked very much that they were able to become friends - and I LOVED hearing the word "ashy" used on TV!

The monologue in the clothing store had me nodding my head in agreement sitting on my couch solo and then the final line about flat-front pants cracked me up. And the "You've done everything right, son" - the "son" got me. And then when he said he'd wear his flat-front pants the next day, I welled up but didn't spill tears. I also laughed when he wanted "the manny's" autograph.

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44 minutes ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

But I didn't think Rebecca owed it to pool lady to do this, I think she owed it to Randall, so her tone/delivery?  n'uh uh.   I actually thought it was very big of Rebecca to put her child's needs above her own feelings after having been condescended to like that.   I love this show regardless lol.

IA with this.  Rebecca said some dumb stuff, but Pool Mom didn't come off smelling like a rose, either.  If someone's parent is panicking because they can't find their child, you don't smugly confront them.  That's just rude.  I'm also not sure why the onus was solely on Rebecca to break the ice.  If Pool Mom knew that Rebecca was Randall's mother, then why didn't she tell Randall to get his parent's permission to play with her son?  I felt like there was a missing scene.

2 minutes ago, Empress1 said:

I felt horrible for Randall when he was scratching the back of his neck, and I was like, damn, in EIGHT YEARS you didn't take him to a black barbershop?

That part made me sad, too.  It was so subtle, but it just broke my heart.  Worst is that he probably thought that having those awful razor bumps was normal.

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7 hours ago, mojito said:

Not sure. I'm a lot older, and find myself sometimes startled by the comments of people reminiscing the 70s or 80s, because their perspectives seem off, like they're talking about the 1940s instead. I find myself thinking, "Hey, we weren't that backwards then!" 

Even growing up in the same time gives people different experiences. I grew up in the 70's/early 80's and we never wore sunscreen. I remember once jumping in and out of the pool to get wet and baking in the sun. I got a mild sunburn, while my fair skinned friend got a really bad burn. 

I love Randall. Seriously. Everything about his story and his family are so compelling to me. I loved his reaction at the school play, and also how he has to let things go. I thought he was going to ask William if he perceived any bigotry from the laughter at the play. When he talked about wondering if every black man he met was his father, he had my heart. I did the same thing, only it was every Hispanic woman could be my mother. I had no idea I would like his story as much as I do. 

Jack is a fun, likable dad. He's good at talking to the kids. I like him a lot. Rebecca I'm not so fond of. She seems to be a little tightly wound, though she is raising triplets so it's to be expected.

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1 hour ago, OtterMommy said:

I thought it was strange that he couldn't swim but it at least sounded like Randall and Kate could.  I mean, I would think that all the kids would be enrolled in swimming lessons together OR their parents would teach them all at once.  And, yeah, I did want to scream and Rebecca and Jack with kid Kevin looked up and only saw his parents' backs!

I can't remember what was said in the dialogue when they got to the pool, but I think Kevin just couldn't swim well at all. I could totally be wrong and I'm more than happy to rewatch the episode anyway! But some kids are slower than others when learning certain activities. It's possible that Kevin did take some swimming lessons and just couldn't learn like Randall and Kate. Clearly, he got better after that age so things did work out, but I didn't question Kevin being unable to swim. We know that Jack/Rebecca were still struggling to take care of three kids even after eight years. 

33 minutes ago, Amethyst said:

IA with this.  Rebecca said some dumb stuff, but Pool Mom didn't come off smelling like a rose, either.  If someone's parent is panicking because they can't find their child, you don't smugly confront them.  That's just rude.  I'm also not sure why the onus was solely on Rebecca to break the ice.  If Pool Mom knew that Rebecca was Randall's mother, then why didn't she tell Randall to get his parent's permission to play with her son?  I felt like there was a missing scene.

I agree. There was definitely judgment with Pool Mom, probably because she saw a white woman who adopted a black boy and didn't try to incorporate him into black culture, or whatnot. I'm glad Pool Mom eventually set aside her own prejudices and was friendly with Rebecca at the end, because both were shown to have their own flaws when dealing with this sort of situation. Maybe Pool Mom thought of Rebecca as someone who just adopted a black boy as a trophy case, or something? I don't know what was going through her head, but she clearly had her own assumptions before officially meeting Rebecca. 

I do feel bad for Randall with the haircut issue, but Jack/Rebecca were still learning. It's also not like they had Internet to look up these types of things. Rebecca and Jack were just unaware, and that's ok. It's good that Rebecca found someone that could actually help her with Randall. 

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Many people need sunscreen because they burn easily, and it hurts if you don't use it, so yes, sunscreen was used back in the 80s often. 

I liked the speech Randall gave in the store.  A well described portrayal of what he goes through each day, the little things he has learned to overlook. 

There was a common theme in the episode of rejection and judging of others based on first meetings and perception. 

So how long is it before Kevin and the acting lady end up together, even with him back in LA?  Seemed like an obvious "they hate each other but secretly love each other" story. 

Doing some Facebook research on someone's ex, or anyone, yeah, most of us have done that.  Actually going to the store and meeting her?  That's crossing over the Crazytown city limits.  No good can come of that.  Actually saw some real emotion from Toby here and felt empathy for him. 

Am I the only one who actually doesn't feel like Randall's dad did the wrong thing in giving him up?  Yes the way he did it was extreme, but I don't think he was viewing Randall as some sort of nuisance or problem that would get in his way as a single dad or single person.  I think he truly recognized that he had a serious problem and was not fit to be a dad, so it was best to let someone more prepared and in a better position do it. 

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This is a strange comparison, but was anyone reminded of Joey Tribbiani working in that play with Kate on Friends?  The Kevin storyline MIGHT have reminded me of something else too, but I definitely thought of Joey.  I swear, if it goes that exact route, LOL.  

That is actually exactly what I thought of and what it reminded me of

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2 hours ago, ChromaKelly said:

See, I had a completely different take. I was horrified at the way Rebecca was acting. Randall is black, therefore a member of the black community and he deserves to be raised with some basic understanding of his culture and where he comes from, and to have proper hair and skin care.
There's a phrase that is often repeated in transracial adoption: Your black child should not be your first - or only - black friend. Those moms have noticed Rebecca and Randall, and noticed her making no effort to speak to the few black families in the community. Granted, Rebecca and Jack didn't have much time to prepare for having a black child, but at this point they've had him for eight years. She should have taken him to a black barbershop by now at the very least. 
There are still white adoptive parents (heretofore referred to as WAPs) who are like this. They will subscribe to blogs and by books by other WAPs all day long about hair and skin care, but won't set foot in a black salon/barbershop. They form WAP playgroups for their kids but don't bother having their kids in a diverse school so they can make friends with other black children raised in black families. 
So, I was relieved that Rebecca went back over and saw this as an opportunity to connect with a black family.

Yep.  Here's my thing: it wasn't the family's first time at that pool.  How many times had they been there? I'm willing to bet Randall made a beeline for the black kids every time they went.  So, he's making the effort to interact with them.  Yet, it never occurred to Rebecca and Jack to know who the heck Randall was playing with? It's taken eight years for them, especially Rebecca, to realize that he likes playing with kids who look like him? Even though they know he's bullied by Kevin (and other white kids) referring to him as Webster? To others' point, it never occurred to them to take him to a black barber? Word? #teamblackpoolmom #Rebeccadeservedthecondescension #otherwiseshedstillbeclueless 

ETA:

I felt for little Kate.  The actress has the most adorable, cherubic face.  Makes me want to take her home and feed her a wholesome meal with her favorite dessert.  Little Randall too, bless his heart.  

Edited by ribboninthesky1
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12 minutes ago, ribboninthesky1 said:

Yep.  Here's my thing: it wasn't the family's first time at that pool.  How many times had they been there? I'm willing to bet Randall made a beeline for the black kids every time they went.  So, he's making the effort to interact with them.  Yet, it never occurred to Rebecca and Jack to know who the heck Randall was playing with? It's taken eight years for them, especially Rebecca, to realize that he likes playing with kids who look like him? Even though they know he's bullied by Kevin (and other white kids) referring to him as Webster? To others' point, it never occurred to them to take him to a black barber? Word? #teamblackpoolmom #Rebeccadeservedthecondescension #otherwiseshedstillbeclueless 

 

If that were true than it would have been the first place that they looked for him. They also showed him adding a number of people to his counting the black people notebook.

Kate should have reached out but that woman's reaction to a mother worriedly looking for a child was crazy.

Edited by biakbiak
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18 minutes ago, ribboninthesky1 said:

If it was their first time at that pool, why did Randall suggest it? How would he know there would be black kids there? 

I didn't say it was the first time at the pool. I said if he was always hanging out there than they would have known where to find him and that clearly many of the people at the pool were new to him because they made a point of his story to William about counting new black people and him starting the count and than ending it up with several people at the end to indicate that it wasn't a regular habit for to play with those kids/family.

Edited by biakbiak
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I too thought pool mom was rude/condescending at first.  Felt pool mom was staring Rebecca down and was going to twist her words on her.  When Rebeca walked away defeated then decided no and came back and said I am his mother a part of me cheered.  Rebeca and Jack oblivious love Randall.  The ending where the two ladies became friends was the best resolution.

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I'll agree to disagree.  To me, the point isn't whether the black kids that day were new to him (and I don't know whether the notebook was used for every NEW black person he met, or just every black person he interacted with) - it's that he seemed to know there would be black kids there, so that indicated to me that the family had been there before.  I'm also inferring that it wasn't Yvette's first time there, either, since she knew who Rebecca was. I watched that scene again - Yvette wasn't initially rude.  Rebecca came through, completely ignoring Yvette literally standing right there watching the kids, asking what Randall was doing there. Um...safely playing with some kids?  I don't think Rebecca was mean-spirited about it, but I got why Yvette was snarky with her.          

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You know how some of you said "I was Kate" in earlier episode threads? Well, I've just realized that I was Kevin - the no problem child, apparently well adjusted and emotionally mature that could be disregarded because there were more pressing matters in the family. I can even relate to the near drowning experience - can't remember how old I was, and I had had swimming lessons, but one day at the pool I didn't realized how deep it was, sank down to the bottom, resurfaced, and was panicking so much that I never even thought of trying to swim, I just kept getting down and up, swallowing water and getting more and more panicked, until somehow I was able to grab the side of the poool. Very horrifying experience. And each time I came up, I could see the other children I was with just laugh, they thought it was the funniest thing ever and never realized I was in total distress... And no, no adult was keeping an eye on us. To this day, I always stay close to the edge of the pool when I swim, which is very rarely.

This show is so good in having every major character be a real person instead of a cliché TV person, I think that's why it strucks such a powerful chord.

Oh, and because I randomly got a message that said  

Quote

 

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Something went wrong. Please try again.

Error code: 2S119/1

 

when I tried to like some posts (but not all, which is weird), I'd like to give a shoutout to Izabella - yes, in the late 80s, as I remember, people would still crisp themselves, at least in Europe (Australia is a different case, because the ozone layer went thinner there earlier than elsewhere, or some other reason, but I know my Aussie friends had a different experience), I got I don't know how many sunburns on my shoulders and my parents were not pushing any SPF at me, maybe because the media weren't talking about it so much, maybe because they just thought what they had done had worked for them, I don't know. As a consequence, my mom had "age spots" on her hands in her thirties, while I still don't have any (by the 90s, we all knew sun ages you, I think for me it was more of a reason to get on the high SPF wagon that the cancer scare, which seemed very remote to my young self).

I'd always like to give a shoutout to mojito, because your take on Kevin resonates with mine :)

Regarding parents confronting the bullies, I'd say that wasn't much done in the 80s, the idea was that we (the kids) had to work it out ourselves. I do remember ONCE my mother talking to a little boy who was bullying my brother (who was probably in kindergarten or early primary school at the time), but only because my brother was at that point getting really scared of him and expressed it repeatedly. A couple of years later, we moved and I used to pass that boy's house everyday going to school. The house was nice, in a nice neighborhood, but it was in serious neglect; and while the family was well off, I remember that kid (the bully) often wearing torn clothes, and I also saw him a few times just sitting in front of his house gates after school waiting for someone to get there to let him in, so I ended up feeling sad for him too. No idea what my mom said to him, but after their talk, he was always super nice to my brother and to my mom. I think this ancient episode shaped up my theory that bullies are really very unhappy people :) 

In earlier episodes, I felt very touched by Rebecca's uncertainty about whether she's a good parent, because that resonates with me as a mother: just after giving birth, anything you do you fear you might be doing something wrong, I've been there too, afraid of bath time because what if I let him drown? or why is he still crying after being fed, changed and burped, what am I doing wrong? then in the early teenage years, when he's preoccupied with things that have nothing to do with me, have I done something wrong? how can I help? It's amazing that this shows how, even with the best intentions, parents do get it wrong, with lasting consequences. It actually makes me view my parents in a different light.

Lastly, while Jack is the fun parent that gets a lot of love, I do feel for Rebecca, who has the difficult task of being there all the time, coordinating, making sure everyone is fed, has finished homework and is in bed when they should be. It's such an important but thankless work, it's vital but easily overshadowed by the 5 minutes with the other parent being there 100% (for sometimes less than one hour per week), and the weird thing is that, fair or not, I DO remember these 5 minutes a week with my absentee parent much more vividly that all the daily care, love and stability I got from the other parent. So unfair, come to think of it, but so universal - I think. 

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8 hours ago, DrSpaceman73 said:

Am I the only one who actually doesn't feel like Randall's dad did the wrong thing in giving him up?  Yes the way he did it was extreme, but I don't think he was viewing Randall as some sort of nuisance or problem that would get in his way as a single dad or single person.  I think he truly recognized that he had a serious problem and was not fit to be a dad, so it was best to let someone more prepared and in a better position do it. 

That's just about exactly the way I see it.  He had just experienced a trauma, a real tragedy, and it was actually the best thing he probably could have done.  Now at the end of his life he gets to see the results of his decision, very bittersweet. 

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22 hours ago, deaja said:

One thing that really struck me last night is how it is so hard to know if you're making the right parenting decisions. I don't think there is any question that Jack and Rebecca love their kids and want to do what is best for them. But it is so hard. Rebecca's solution is for Kate to hide her weight whereas Jack wants her to be comfortable in her own skin.  Both want for her to feel comfortable and not be made fun of, but they have totally different approaches.  Just like an earlier episode where Rebecca wanted Kate only to eat fruit for breakfast and Jack overruled her.

I think Kevin is being set up to be the kid with no problems so he gets ignored. But as we see from adult Kevin, no obvious problems doesn't translate to no problems.  He suffers from lack of attention.  Kate gets the focus because they are worried about her weight and how other people will treat her. Randall gets focus because he is a different race and so they want to make sure he doesn't feel too different or get treated badly. That leaves Kevin.

That's what I love about this show.  Jack apologized to Kevin, he told him that he's not perfect, that this is difficult for them as well.   Kevin is getting overlooked because on the surface it seems that he has no problems,  Jack and Rebecca worry about Randall and Kate being accepted, while Kevin feels he's getting the short end of the stick, maybe that is why Kevin became an actor, he needs that attention and applause. 

What I wonder is how and why Kate and Kevin ended up on the west coast, while Randall is on the east coast; maybe Randall was the one who was closer to the parents.  I thought it was interesting that Kevin showed up at Randall's house, he called Kate, she didn't answer, so he went to the next sibling.  I think Kevin felt bad because he knew he screwed up that audition, but the only reason he got it was because of his TV fame.  It's interesting that he doesn't mind being "The Man-ny" around his nieces. 

Yvette and Rebecca's meetup at the pool, looked like two people who don't speak the same language trying to communicate.   Rebecca was terrified because she couldn't find her son, which was normal; she was upset that Randall had wandered so far away from where they were sitting; and it did sound, if you didn't know, like Rebecca was saying, "I don't want you playing with THOSE people," which was NOT what she was saying, even though that's what came out of her mouth.  Yvette probably felt Rebecca was being smug, like she was one of these white mothers who doesn't "get" that they're raising a black child. 

What I noticed was that even though the pool was integrated, the black people were in one section, while the whites were in another; Jack and Rebecca were probably clueless of that fact (as I was until I saw that there were other black people near Yvette and her son.  Randall had probably seen the other black kids there before and wanted to play with them.  Both women were right and wrong at the same time.

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