S04.E07: For Better Or Worse

[nlkm9]

ok I havent even watched this episode yet and derek and heather are still together ? Im shocked they dragged it out another episode. makes me not want to watch. sheesh.

[red12]

12 hours ago, Neurochick said:

Sonia and Nick looked like two people speaking different languages.  Sonia wants more intimacy, she's afraid of the dogs.  Nick thinks everything is okay and he loves his dogs.   I don't think the dogs are nasty, they look clean to me.  I do think that Nick needed to be paired with an animal lover, and Sonia needed to be paired with someone without dogs.  But, it seems like Sonia isn't really telling Nick how afraid she is of the dogs.  

The problem, to me, with Heather and Derek is that I don't really get what her problem is with Derek; they're not telling us; that makes Heather look like a witch and I don't think that's the case.  I think something happened between them that we, the audience, weren't privy to; so it seems incomplete to me.  

Regarding Sonia and Nick, I have heard her say several times she is afraid of dogs so, I don't know why he wouldn't know that. My theory is that he doesn't want to hear it so, he doesn't. He is just going to keep practicing his own version of ignoring her until she just stops talking about it or goes away. Then, if she gives up on the relationship, she's the one who gave up on him. He has very little empathy and doesn't seem that interested in developing that muscle. I also notice that he doesn't look her in the eyes. There is a big difference between the way Tom spoke directly to Lily during their conversation with Dr. Pepper and the way Nick spoke about Sonia as if she wasn't there while pretending not to be pissed when Dr. Pepper told him he would need to keep the dogs off of the bed.

I want them to find something he is really afraid of and make him live with it for at least a few days to see how he does. Like, if he's afraid of heights, make him camp out on the roof of an extremely tall building or bungee jump every other hour to see if he just gets over it. Nick seems like the type of person who only understands things that directly affect him.

Lily, stop with the stupid generalizations about "women be crazy in relationships and men be like normal". This is not a low rent comedy club. You are driving me crazy.

I agree with you about Heather and Derek. I also think it's hilarious that he thinks he is the bastion of maturity. I mean she may have rejected him and have an inability to handle criticism of any kind, but Derek, that doesn't automatically mean you are a great guy with excellent coping skills. Slow down buddy.

Edited September 7, 2016 by red12

[love2lovebadtv]

13 minutes ago, Ella said:

I adore my dogs. And if somebody pair me with person that is scared of dogs or doesn't like them.. That would be a deal breaker for me. I'm sorry but only animal lovers understand that. Can't comprehend why they pair them. No, just no.

Not an animal lover but I get it. I don't think it's a good match in either direction. But since they've been matched, both will have to make some concessions if they want to make it work. 

[izabella]

10 minutes ago, BunnySlippers said:

I thought that was cute, too. He can be funny, but I don't like how closed off he is with Sonia. Why is it such a big no-no for him to have any kind of physical intimacy with her? Whatever his reason, I don't understand why he can't think about how that makes her feel.

Because Sonia doesn't actually tell him how she feels?  She never said, "I'm worried that you aren't attracted to me and that's why you aren't physically affectionate or interested in anything more than a peck on the cheek," or, "We need a better balance between going slow so you are comfortable and showing affection so I am more comfortable."

Nick also needs to learn communication better.  When Sonia asks him to tell her what he's thinking, he doesn't need to come out with, "I'm not in love with you," first thing.  How about telling her something of his history with dating so she understand him better?  That is what she is asking for - to understand him better. 

Maybe one of those so-called experts could have suggested they email each other, and write down some of their thoughts they are unable to actually SAY to each other.  That might help.  I suspect Nick would do much better communicating that way than verbally, on the spot. 

On the dogs, Sonia also could be more clear, and could have, for example, told him she left the bedroom because she was AFRAID of the dogs.  Nick should have arranged for them to work with a dog trainer (owner trainer!) together so that Sonia can learn what dogs are about (bacon, and pleasing their owners!) and how to understand them.  She is afraid because she thinks dogs are unpredictable - if they became less unpredictable to her through understanding, some of her fear might lessen.

[humbleopinion]

One of the producer driven story lines must be Tom's feet.

Treated to a quick shot edit of his trotters and they looked like the hairy prosthetic feet from a Hobbit movie...gag...

[BunnySlippers]

8 minutes ago, izabella said:

Because Sonia doesn't actually tell him how she feels?  She never said, "I'm worried that you aren't attracted to me and that's why you aren't physically affectionate or interested in anything more than a peck on the cheek," or, "We need a better balance between going slow so you are comfortable and showing affection so I am more comfortable."

Nick also needs to learn communication better.  When Sonia asks him to tell her what he's thinking, he doesn't need to come out with, "I'm not in love with you," first thing.  How about telling her something of his history with dating so she understand him better?  That is what she is asking for - to understand him better. 

Maybe one of those so-called experts could have suggested they email each other, and write down some of their thoughts they are unable to actually SAY to each other.  That might help.  I suspect Nick would do much better communicating that way than verbally, on the spot. 

On the dogs, Sonia also could be more clear, and could have, for example, told him she left the bedroom because she was AFRAID of the dogs.  Nick should have arranged for them to work with a dog trainer (owner trainer!) together so that Sonia can learn what dogs are about (bacon, and pleasing their owners!) and how to understand them.  She is afraid because she thinks dogs are unpredictable - if they became less unpredictable to her through understanding, some of her fear might lessen.

You're right; Sonia should be more open with him, too. I really like your idea to have them write down their thoughts and feelings instead of saying them out loud. Maybe that would help them understand each other better. I know I'm more comfortable communicating about some things in writing than verbally, so this could really be helpful to them, too.

[Empress1]

55 minutes ago, Vinyasa said:

So Derek said Heather asked him to stop smoking and he said he did, just like it was no big deal.

He just quit it all cold turkey????

That's another reason in the "smoking = weed" column. Weed has very few withdrawal symptoms. Quitting cigarettes cold turkey would be harder from a physiological standpoint.

Kids are a deal breaker, both ways. You can't compromise on kids. And with something like this, you absolutely must pair two people who are on the same page - it would be REALLY fucked up to pair someone who is certain she wants kids with someone who is iffy. (Although of course, one of them could decide down the line that they do want kids but don't want them with this person.)

Nick said he wants physical intimacy to happen organically, yet he stops situations in which it could happen. The exercise in the hammock could easily have led to something physical, yet he makes a point of saying he's not going to take it there. It can't happen organically if he doesn't let it.

[zurretsky]

The experts screwed up (again). You

don't pair a dog-lover with a dog-hater!

[humbleopinion]

The hammock scenario looked like a Cialis commercial.

[BunnySlippers]

I think I figured out why Tom seems creepy to some of us. One thing is that awful stubble (though, to be honest, he doesn't look much better clean shaven either - I think the best look for him would actually be a full, nicely trimmed beard), but the other thing is his unblinking stare when he talks.

[Racj82]

Derrick never said he was an avid smoker. He said he barely smokes in reality. Mainly because of his job. But, he was over indulging because he was on vacation. Which people do. Again, doesn't mean he's talking about weed. He or they could be but we don't know.

[okerry]

Sonia: Nick is just Not That Into You. It's not your fault. It's just the way it is. If you want any chance at all with this, stop running off all hurt every time he doesn't say what you want. Keep yourself looking great, pretend to be happy and carefree even if you aren't, and ignore him. That's the only thing that might turn this around and even then, there's no guarantees.

Lily: Tom was attracted until you slept with him. Now he's moving on. Sorry, girlfriend, but that's what most of them do. Ask Monet.

Heather: Some of us think that Dudester made some kind of really clumsy sexual move on night one and/or two of the honeymoon, and that's the real problem. Come on, girl. Spill. We want to know.

[zurretsky]

Derek did not put a move on Heather. She's a fraud that had

no intention of making the marriage

work. No idea what her motivation

is.

[VioletNevermind]

56 minutes ago, BunnySlippers said:

I totally agree about his mom. She seemed pretty critical in the beginning, but she seems very nice now, and I like how she's trying to help Sonia.

I suspect that Nick's closed-off behavior is a well-known quirk among his family members and his mom feels sorry for Sonia because she has to deal with it.  Nick reminds me so much of my (thankfully) ex-husband.  He was the kind of person who, if he brushed past me and accidentally came into contact with any part of my female anatomy, he'd apologize and spring away as if he'd touched dynamite, the same way you would with a coworker or your grandma.  It was awkward at best and tremendously hurtful at worst, especially over time.  It might seem like a small, inconsequential thing, but it really does weigh on one's mind and self-esteem.  I feel sorry for Sonia because when I watch their scenes, I'm reminded of that naive 21-year-old girl who married an emotionally-stunted psychopath that she'd known for exactly 40 days.  When this is over, I hope SHE is the one who ends it with Nick, not the other way around.  He's not attracted to her, but he's committed to the process and doesn't want to come off like a dog in front of the entire world.  Too late, Nick.

[ClareWalks]

So I know the answer before I even ask, but I have to ask: do the experts want to make good matches, or do they want to make "good TV?" Look at the three couples, the three perfect matches, these brainiacs have created.

1) Nick and Sonia. Nick is either asexual, homosexual, or has zero attraction to Sonia, who is an attractive woman. If attraction were so important to him, he shouldn't have done this show. And Sonia is afraid of dogs, and Nick is obsessed with his dogs.

2) Tom and Lilly. Tom is a manchild who lives on a bus and "maybe wants kids way down the line." Lilly knows she wants kids and has a timeframe in mind. That alone should have been an absolute dealbreaker for the so-called experts.

3) Heather and Derek. The misogynistic pothead and the buzzkill. To be fair, I agree with her that I would not want to be married to a pot smoker, any more than I'd want to be married to a guy who drinks daily, like she seems to. 

[cecig75]

I am really over this dragging out Heather/Derek storyline. I will be especially upset if all of this is for them to stay together...I can't seem to figure out why they would think 4 more weeks will help. She's already made her mind up. 

Sonia and Nick are so uncomfortable to watch. It looks to me like they are both very uncomfortable around one another. 

Lily and Tom are cute to me. He probably could've worded what he was trying to say better. I would hope that the questionare they fill out includes something about children.

[Evil Queen]

1 hour ago, Empress1 said:

That's another reason in the "smoking = weed" column. Weed has very few withdrawal symptoms. Quitting cigarettes cold turkey would be harder from a physiological standpoint.

 

If you compare the 2 with withdrawal symptoms they are only a few things that weed might cause that cigarettes don't but for the most part they have similar symptoms but like anything a person's withdrawals would vary for many reasons. For me, he has come off stoned in many scenes and even after he claimed he stopped there was scenes he looked it. So I don't think he could handle not doing whatever for to long.

43 minutes ago, zurretsky said:

Derek did not put a move on Heather. She's a fraud that had

no intention of making the marriage

work. No idea what her motivation

is.

You think she is a fraud but no reason on why? I am not seeing that here. As has been said by many of us, there is something(s) that went on that are not being mentioned for some reason that made this whole "marriage" go sour fast. Its not just the smoking but something more. 

[Neurochick]

^^^
 I get why people don't warm up to Heather.  I wonder if she's not allowed to say that Derek smoked weed because of something in the contract she signed.  On the show she only said, "smoked."  But I think it's more than just cigarettes.

I don't have a problem with weed and maybe Heather doesn't either.  The problem is that Derek and Heather went on a honeymoon as strangers.  When you meet someone for the first time, you want to put your best food forward.  So here's Derek, pulling out a joint.  Heather was probably taken aback, even if she was okay with weed.  She might have been like, "Dude, I just met you and you're smoking pot?"  That would be like saying you're okay with drinking and the second date with a guy, he pulls out a flask. 

I didn't like Heather at first, but now I see things differently because I don't believe she's allowed to say what actually happened between them, and I think that sucks. 

Edited September 7, 2016 by Neurochick

[ethalfrida]

13 hours ago, Empress1 said:

I give Sonia a lot of credit – she is really trying with the dogs. She tries to interact with them, she pets them, she is really trying. Nick needs to meet her halfway and set some boundaries with the dogs. (I’m not afraid of dogs but I wouldn’t want them in my bed either.)

Nick’s mother and her boyfriend are SO CUTE. When the boyfriend said that being with Nick’s mom made him feel warm and fuzzy, I said “Awww!” out loud. #relationshipgoals. It’s good that Nick’s mom is in Sonia’s corner.

Nick: “I’m not gonna touch your boob.” Sonia, in her head: “TOUCH IT.”

Heather is so done. She just looks mad all the time. When Derek said he wanted to stay married, there was a little pause on her part like "Oh shit, now I have to be the bad guy." I think she's completely resentful of the whole situation, including the fact that she has to skirt the weed issue (I am firmly in the "smoking = weed in this case" camp. I've never waffled on that).

"You're making me touch boob"... I was through at that point. He may as well have added "ewwww" to it. 

[zxy556575]

1 hour ago, red12 said:

[Nick] has very little empathy and doesn't seem that interested in developing that muscle. I also notice that he doesn't look her in the eyes.

What struck me in this episode is that his own mother doesn't seem to understand him, or perhaps doesn't have the right vocabulary. I would argue that he's not the least bit "shy," nor does he have social anxiety. I can imagine him speaking confidently in front of groups at work and chitchatting at parties, the way he did during the wedding reception. I think he has a solitary personality and is extremely self-contained. He acts the exact same way around his male friends and during the family dinner with his mom -- it's not like he becomes a gregarious sunbeam when Sonia's not around. The guy just doesn't require interaction with others in order to enjoy his own internal experience.

If anyone is on the timid and shy side, it's Sonia. As others have said, she needs to use her damned words. I didn't understand her little meltdown when Nick said he wasn't in love with her. I mean, it came off as blunt and uncaring, but that's Nick. Sonia didn't disagree with the meaning behind the words and she isn't in love with him either, so calm down. I think she was being generous in front of the cameras when she rated her marital satisfaction as 5 and is going to tire of Nick's withholding ways pretty quickly.

[Gem 10]

And, Sonia says the one thing she likes about Nick is his "humor"?  WHAT HUMOR?  That dry as toast humor?

[Snarklepuss]

I hate this show for matching up a guy with bad communication skills with a social worker.  Like what is Sonia supposed to do, pull everything out of Nick?  Here we go again with the "marriage as therapy" BS, which never works out.  And then because of Nick's insensitivity, when she doesn't speak up it's HER fault?  No way!  The guy would have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to see Sonia's discomfort around the dogs, and then he just ASSUMES that it's OK to allow them in bed with them?  Seriously?  Now, if he had asked her if it's OK and she said "yes" I'd see more justification for putting the onus on her to speak up about it, but I didn't see any evidence that this ever happened.  So I'm sorry but like someone said upthread, I think he is either that dense or deliberately trying not to pay attention to Sonia's feelings about the dogs.  And I say that as a dog lover from waaaaay back.

[Snarklepuss]

2 hours ago, red12 said:

Regarding Sonia and Nick, I have heard her say several times she is afraid of dogs so, I don't know why he wouldn't know that. My theory is that he doesn't want to hear it so, he doesn't. He is just going to keep practicing his own version of ignoring her until she just stops talking about it or goes away. Then, if she gives up on the relationship, she's the one who gave up on him. He has very little empathy and doesn't seem that interested in developing that muscle. I also notice that he doesn't look her in the eyes. .

I still think he is hiding something from her.  He is not acting normal, even for a shy person.

[absolutelyido]

14 minutes ago, lordonia said:

What struck me in this episode is that his own mother doesn't seem to understand him, or perhaps doesn't have the right vocabulary. I would argue that he's not the least bit "shy," nor does he have social anxiety. I can imagine him speaking confidently in front of groups at work and chitchatting at parties, the way he did during the wedding reception. I think he has a solitary personality and is extremely self-contained. He acts the exact same way around his male friends and during the family dinner with his mom -- it's not like he becomes a gregarious sunbeam when Sonia's not around. The guy just doesn't require interaction with others in order to enjoy his own internal experience.

Nick said that he wanted to be married because he is at the time in his life when most people are married. That is not a good reason to get married, just because other people are doing it.  I agree that he is extremely self-contained and doesn't require interaction, so maybe he's not cut out for marriage. Some people are happier on their own rather than married. I think Nick may be one of these people.

About Nick saying he didn't want to do anything to encourage physical intimacy because he wanted it to happen "organically". Dude, the way intimacy happens is for someone to take the first step to make it happen. I don't think Nick is gay, but I'd be willing to bet he is a virgin and afraid to make the first move.

[LennieBriscoe]

Nick lets his dogs romp. Sorry, but Sonia has no responsibility to "overcome" her real fear so much as Nick has to rein in his dogs, IF he wants to stay with her.

And when he speaks, it is (IMO) deliberately off-putting or hurtful even, to get the intended result: Silence. "I don't want to go too fast" (or whatever words he used before). Tonight it was, and out of the blue (or as Sonia put it, "0 to 60"), "I'm not in love with you." But as long as he "went there," Sonia should just figure "WTH" and let him know the depth of her phobia. Plus, when Nick DOES talk, his voice and halting speech pattern are supremely annoying, to me anyway.

Tom, Tom, Tom. His entire life-style says, "Fancy-free, here." It's not that Lily might not re-adjust to the bus (because he ain't  giving it or the freedom it represents up) or to not having children or to Tom's being less than SOP hygienic; it's that HE will not adjust to surfing the same wave forever, speaking literally and metaphorically. Maybe that's why he chose this route of "Marriage For 6 Weeks Without All the Expensive Dating and With a Free Divorce Option."

The sad state of Lily's hair was extra noticeable tonight! I feel sorry for her, and wish she (and the show) would help her out, as TV lights are not kind.

Oh, yeah, Heather and Derek. Will they be the Big Surprise couple who stays married? Tune in next week!

[Snarklepuss]

Just now, absolutelyido said:

Nick said that he wanted to be married because he is at the time in his life when most people are married. That is not a good reason to get married, just because other people are doing it.  I agree that he is extremely self-contained and doesn't require interaction, so maybe he's not cut out for marriage. Some people are happier on their own rather than married. I think Nick may be one of these people.

About Nick saying he didn't want to do anything to encourage physical intimacy because he wanted it to happen "organically". Dude, the way intimacy happens is for someone to take the first step to make it happen. I don't think Nick is gay, but I'd be willing to bet he is a virgin and afraid to make the first move.

If Nick's not gay he's definitely had very limited experience in LTR's, that I firmly believe.  You could be onto something with the virgin thing, actually.  It would make a lot of this make more sense.  But I still wonder about his sexuality.  He is showing too many signs of being conflicted about his attraction to Sonia, but I'm not sure yet if it's just that he's a virgin or perhaps a virgin with women.  He may be bisexual but has less experience with women than men.  I remember a bisexual friend of mine once who ended a long term relationship with the same sex and then embarked upon one with the opposite sex.  He came to me for LOTS of advice on dealing with women "since it has been a long time since he was in a relationship with one".  This could be what's going on with Nick.  Too soon to tell!

[Vinyasa]

Quote

"You're making me touch boob"... I was through at that point. He may as well have added "ewwww" to it. 

They are to put their hand over each other's heart. Nick puts his hand on Sonia's neck!

[ethalfrida]

Regardless to what his sexual orientation is he is being extremely unfair to Sonia. She wants a sexual relationship with him. And I wish she would stop with the whining and turning it back into herself. Just say look, I'm not into this virtual relationship thing. Either we do this or you get lost. But by this time he would have turned me off anyway. 

[zxy556575]

Nick, Nick, Nick. The majority of heterosexual men in the world would be all up in Sonia's  -- let's face it -- plumply alluring breasts. They're one of her best features.

I'd really like to have a nice gossip with any of his former girlfriends.

[ClareWalks]

1 hour ago, ethalfrida said:

"You're making me touch boob"... I was through at that point. He may as well have added "ewwww" to it. 

Yeah, I just got to that part of the episode and said out loud "yep, he's gay." Just the phrasing, he really let it slip. You're MAKING ME TOUCH BOOB. Making? "Touch boob?" Rather than "touch YOUR boob?" This guy has never touched a breast in his life and doesn't want to.

[ethalfrida]

10 minutes ago, Vinyasa said:

They are to put their hand over each other's heart. Nick puts his hand on Sonia's neck!

That is a quote from Nick. He actually said she was making him touch boob. Then he put his hand up higher.

[princelina]

Tom and Lily:  I'm not sure if their story is producer driven/editing or what, because I too remember Tom saying something about wanting kids in a previous episode, but when Lily was talking to Pepper, Pepper said something squirrelly like, "Tom indicated that he might be open one day to possibly having children, depending on his wife."  Since I'm sure Lily put kids down on her questionnaire as a deal-breaker, I would have been pissed to hear that if I were in her shoes.

Derek and Heather:  I was on the fence about the pot smoking until last night - when Derek said, "After she complained, I never touched it again."  A cig smoker would have said "never touched them again" :)  What I don't get is why Heather can't mention that just because it's illegal?  If the show fixes you up with a law-breaker you should be allowed to complain about it!  If a wife finds out that her husband robs liquor stores at night, does she have to say for the camera, "I don't care for his career" so that we will all think she's too snobby to deal with a boat designer/property renter/car salesman/professional wrestler/etc?  If they don't want their cast exposing the illegal activities of other cast members, then it should be in their contract that they have to obey the law while on the show.  Sheesh.

Nick and Sonia:  I had high hopes for them :(  When I ring a doorbell and hear a dog barking, my body turns and starts back towards the street before my mind can catch up and make me stop!  Yet I once dated a man who had a large German Shepherd mutt; he held her down and let me pat her back, taught me how to keep her from jumping, made her sit quietly while we were watching tv, and kicked her out of the bedroom when I stayed over.  So I was able to live in his house to care for the dog when he was out of town for work - because he cared to make the effort.  He was also kind of blunt in a way that hurt my feelings sometimes, and not casually affectionate.  But he liked to "touch boob" and more!  (Amy Farrah Fowler to Sheldon:  "Just sayin . . . second  base . . . right there"  lol)  So I am very disappointed in Nick - I don't think he is making an effort at all.  

[nlkm9]

  3 hours ago, Ella said:

I adore my dogs. And if somebody pair me with person that is scared of dogs or doesn't like them.. That would be a deal breaker for me. I'm sorry but only animal lovers understand that. Can't comprehend why they pair them. No, just no.

Not an animal lover but I get it. I don't think it's a good match in either direction. But since they've been matched, both will have to make some concessions if they want to make it work. 

Not an animal lover but I get it. I don't think it's a good match in either direction. But since they've been matched, both will have to make some concessions if they want to make it work.


the problem is Sonia seems to be making those concessions and he is just not interested. how freaking awkward. still wish she has been paired with david from last season.

[The Real Real]

Who ARE these so called "Experts" and why are they allowed to make matches and play with peoples hearts like this....unless of course it's all for a show.

[Jack Sampson]

3 hours ago, red12 said:

I want them to find something he is really afraid of and make him live with it for at least a few days to see how he does. Like, if he's afraid of heights, make him camp out on the roof of an extremely tall building or bungee jump every other hour to see if he just gets over it. Nick seems like the type of person who only understands things that directly affect him.

I'm terrified of heights, yet I learned to skydive to impress a girl I was dating - I literally passed out on the first jump but, by the 5th jump, it didn't really bother me anymore.  It still bothers me if I haven't been in the situation for awhile, but I get over it when exposed.  It would be the same with dogs.

Also, it wasn't an awkward move Derrek made or weed or the arguments or anything else - Heather clearly says on the beach before surfing that she hasn't been romantically interested in Derek.  Not, "Things started off great, but XYZ happened."  She wasn't with it from the start.

[izabella]

1 hour ago, lordonia said:

If anyone is on the timid and shy side, it's Sonia. As others have said, she needs to use her damned words. I didn't understand her little meltdown when Nick said he wasn't in love with her. I mean, it came off as blunt and uncaring, but that's Nick. Sonia didn't disagree with the meaning behind the words and she isn't in love with him either, so calm down. I think she was being generous in front of the cameras when she rated her marital satisfaction as 5 and is going to tire of Nick's withholding ways pretty quickly.

She should have replied that she wasn't in love with him yet either, so it's good they are on the same page with that.  Then she could have asked him something about his past relationships, like, have you ever been in love and how long did it take for him to feel that kind of connection.  Something, anything, would have been better than getting offended and running away.

Sonia's problem is she takes every word personally, because he uses few words and he is hella awkward with women.  She assumes he told her he wasn't in love with her in order to discourage her or because he thinks she's in love with him and wants to discourage her.  Instead, he's just giving her the state of union assessment when she asks how he is feeling.  She's not very good at communicating what she wants from him and how she REALLY feels about everything, either, but she doesn't see that about herself.

[Drogo]

I doubt very much that a gay man went to dozens of auditions to land a role a television show that's entire premise is heterosexual marriages.  He spoke freely about his anxiety issues in the first episode, anxiety is a direct cause of low libido.  Maybe he's the type of guy who takes a month+ to warm up to someone and lose that initial anxiety (I've known a few) and dating hasn't worked out for him because (surprise!) the women think he's gay and take their leave after the second date.  He could be sexually inexperienced or lack confidence.  He could be perfectly fine but lose his mojo and get an anxiety spike when he's got a few cameras in his face. 

If Nick doesn't see a future with Sonia (either because he's not attracted to her at all or because he knows she won't ever be a Dog Mom and he will always be a Dog Dad) it's smarter and more respectful to not start up a physical relationship.  Future employers, possibly a future mate and his future kids will watch this show and see it.   If he really isn't feeling it, he's not going to engage in anything - and of course the show isn't going to let him tell "us" that. 

Or maybe he does see a future with Sonia, and he's trying to take it slow. 

[BunnySlippers]

I really wonder why Nick blurts out these thoughtless things about not being in love with Sonia and not wanting to take things faster when she hadn't even talked about any of that stuff with him. Is it because he keeps mulling these things over in his head, or is it because he wants to keep her at arm's length? I can understand how hurtful it is for Sonia, though. Not only because it shows lack of interest on his part, but also because it puts her in an inferior position. As if she was a love-crazed woman who needs to be cooled down.

I think Sonia could approach this whole thing as a social worker, realizing that he's emotionally deaf and that she needs some special techniques to pull him out of his head, but, on the other hand, she's not his therapist and when she signed up for this show, she thought she was going to be matched with an adult man. The fact that she's pretty shy doesn't help either.

I'm just sorry for her, and if this is how he'll keep treating her, then I hope she'll get rid of him and find someone else - someone who's warm and caring.

Nick's aversion to "touch boob" is ridiculous. How old is he, 10?

[izabella]

39 minutes ago, ethalfrida said:

Regardless to what his sexual orientation is he is being extremely unfair to Sonia. She wants a sexual relationship with him. And I wish she would stop with the whining and turning it back into herself. Just say look, I'm not into this virtual relationship thing. Either we do this or you get lost. But by this time he would have turned me off anyway. 

It's been two weeks.  He doesn't owe her sex, just like a woman doesn't owe a guy sex if she's not ready within two weeks.  I sure as hell wouldn't be ready to sex it up with a stranger!  I think Lily was insane to have sex with Tom so soon.

[LennieBriscoe]

Maybe Tom can design the interior of Nick's closet.

[ethalfrida]

 What I find ridiculous is that we KNOW they did or did not have sex. But since we do know I don't think it is insane to do so if you are attracted and consenting adults. If you go that far to marry a stranger, own it and do whatever you feel. So far I think only Nick, Heather and Tom are living up to their personal standards. And I think there is a misunderstanding about honesty in relationships... it's not ABOUT telling everything you ever did. It's ABOUT not being deceitful and conniving and holding back things like "I DON'T LIKE TOUCHING BOOBS". 

Edited September 7, 2016 by ethalfrida

[VioletNevermind]

15 minutes ago, BunnySlippers said:

I think Sonia could approach this whole thing as a social worker, realizing that he's emotionally deaf and that she needs some special techniques to pull him out of his head, but, on the other hand, she's not his therapist and when she signed up for this show, she thought she was going to be matched with an adult man. 

This, right here.

Edited September 7, 2016 by SuzyLee

[Neurochick]

21 minutes ago, The Real Real said:

Who ARE these so called "Experts" and why are they allowed to make matches and play with peoples hearts like this....unless of course it's all for a show.

Ding, ding, ding.  You got it.  You win.  This is nothing but a show.  If you watch "90 Day Fiance" on TLC, you will see that is a show too.  TLC looks for the worst trainwrecks, films them and shows them to us. 

[Tara Ariano]

In case you missed it, here's the Previously.TV post on the episode!

What Kind Of Relationship Was Nick Hoping Would Result From Getting Married At First Sight?

And more not-quite-burning questions sparked by 'For Better Or Worse'!

[Jack Sampson]

^^^^The only one who looks happy is the little girl.

[ethalfrida]

26 minutes ago, izabella said:

It's been two weeks.  He doesn't owe her sex, just like a woman doesn't owe a guy sex if she's not ready within two weeks.  I sure as hell wouldn't be ready to sex it up with a stranger!  I think Lily was insane to have sex with Tom so soon.

Who said he did owe her sex? I think he should be true to whatever he wants to do. And she should be brave enough to approach him about his intentions towards her. After all she does want sex. All this talk about only knowing someone for two weeks doesn't fly with me. If someone is cool enough to step up to the alter with a complete stranger than the not knowing someone well enough is not a factor.

[Neurochick]

18 minutes ago, Drogo said:

I doubt very much that a gay man went to dozens of auditions to land a role a television show that's entire premise is heterosexual marriages.  He spoke freely about his anxiety issues in the first episode, anxiety is a direct cause of low libido.  Maybe he's the type of guy who takes a month+ to warm up to someone and lose that initial anxiety (I've known a few) and dating hasn't worked out for him because (surprise!) the women think he's gay and take their leave after the second date.  He could be sexually inexperienced or lack confidence.  He could be perfectly fine but lose his mojo and get an anxiety spike when he's got a few cameras in his face. 

I have to agree with this.  It's one thing to be in the closet, but another to come on a TV show and pretend to be straight, and not only straight but to have a heterosexual marriage.  And I have noticed that these days, people seem very quick at labeling someone gay.  Nothing's wrong with being gay but just because a man doesn't act what we consider "normal" doesn't make him gay.

[watch2much]

2 hours ago, Neurochick said:

^^^
 I get why people don't warm up to Heather.  I wonder if she's not allowed to say that Derek smoked weed because of something in the contract she signed.  On the show she only said, "smoked."  But I think it's more than just cigarettes.

I don't have a problem with weed and maybe Heather doesn't either.  The problem is that Derek and Heather went on a honeymoon as strangers.  When you meet someone for the first time, you want to put your best food forward.  So here's Derek, pulling out a joint.  Heather was probably taken aback, even if she was okay with weed.  She might have been like, "Dude, I just met you and you're smoking pot?"  That would be like saying you're okay with drinking and the second date with a guy, he pulls out a flask. 

I didn't like Heather at first, but now I see things differently because I don't believe she's allowed to say what actually happened between them, and I think that sucks. 

I agree.  I think it was how he resorted to personal verbal attacks when he got mad.  She told the pastor that at 32 she "didn't need to put up with that".  I think she made have had a past relationship where the person resorted to fighting like that and she knows it's not good for her.   Look how quickly he resorted to personal attacks when he made the "she's no spring chicken" spiel. She, on the other hand, has been careful to praise his good qualities and even cushion her description of his weed smoking, referring to it as a different "lifestyle choice". He might have thrown some similar comments to her about not aging well, etc.  We don't know if she agreed to occasional cigarette use or weed.  Just because he gave it up for the remainder of the honeymoon doesn't change that it's something he indulges in and she knows it's a deal breaker.  I think he's getting a good edit and she's taking the bulk of the criticism and it's not fair.  

2 hours ago, Neurochick said:

[Snarklepuss]

Just now, Neurochick said:

I have to agree with this.  It's one thing to be in the closet, but another to come on a TV show and pretend to be straight, and not only straight but to have a heterosexual marriage.  And I have noticed that these days, people seem very quick at labeling someone gay.  Nothing's wrong with being gay but just because a man doesn't act what we consider "normal" doesn't make him gay.

No it doesn't, but it doesn't rule out him being bisexual or bicurious and being set in his MIND that he wants a relationship with a woman even though the rest of him might not be cooperating.  That's why I think he is so reticent.  He is hoping his feelings will grow in time to find her attractive because in his MIND he wants to, even if he naturally is not feeling it for whatever reason.  It could just be that he isn't into SONIA but does like women.  But I tend to think these days that there is some bisexuality going on here and he may have always wanted to have a relationship with a woman but just never had one, or has had limited experience with women, either because he's bisexual or because he's a putz.  And looking at him, I doubt that he could have avoided sexual relationships of one kind or another somewhere along the line.  He's an attractive guy.  I'm sure both sexes have thrown themselves at him repeatedly.

[film noire]

2 hours ago, lordonia said:

 I didn't understand her little meltdown when Nick said he wasn't in love with her. I mean, it came off as blunt and uncaring, but that's Nick. Sonia didn't disagree with the meaning behind the words and she isn't in love with him either, so calm down.

I think Sonia's spidey sense was on target. He responded as if she had just declared her love for him (similar to "I like the pacing here. We're only on Day Five" exchange).  He often reacts like a teenager  -- forced by his mother to take the girl next door to the prom, making it clear every step of the way he's not into it -- and seems hellbent on shutting down something that hasn't even happened yet. He all but sweats reluctance  (while claiming a near perfect marriage), adores the dogs (the only plus in his column for me right now) letting them lap him like a salt lick (while freaking out about touching a "boob") and the whole relationship feels like it escaped from another television universe, a reality show titled "Aspies Dating Neurotypicals" and Sonia has no idea she's on it. 

Edited September 7, 2016 by film noire