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S04.E07: For Better Or Worse


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Only 15 minutes in and I can't believe the Tom and Lillian conversation. Please tell me they didn't put a woman who wants children with a man who doesn't.

What's up with these guys??  Tom and Nick.  smh

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Ugh, Lily.  One day at a time is the way to go.  You can plan for the future, but if you don't take care of what's in front of you, there is no future.

Sonia and Nick looked like two people speaking different languages.  Sonia wants more intimacy, she's afraid of the dogs.  Nick thinks everything is okay and he loves his dogs.   I don't think the dogs are nasty, they look clean to me.  I do think that Nick needed to be paired with an animal lover, and Sonia needed to be paired with someone without dogs.  But, it seems like Sonia isn't really telling Nick how afraid she is of the dogs.  

The problem, to me, with Heather and Derek is that I don't really get what her problem is with Derek; they're not telling us; that makes Heather look like a witch and I don't think that's the case.  I think something happened between them that we, the audience, weren't privy to; so it seems incomplete to me.  

Edited by Neurochick
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Or someone who has boundaries with their dogs.  Not all dog lovers let their dogs jump on the bed,  sleep on the bed,  etc. 

Also,  why is Nick saying he doesn't know if she doesn't like the dogs or if she's afraid? She told him in plain English she's afraid of them and asked that they not be in the bed. I give her credit. 

I missed something.  Did the kiddo conversation start because she said her sister was bringing kids over? When I tuned in he was speaking about babies. Lilly,  if I recall correctly,  said she wanted to wait before having kids. 

Edited by love2lovebadtv
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But did Sonia communicate to Nick the extent of her fear?  She didn't explain to him, that she had to leave their bedroom because the dogs were there.  There's afraid of dogs and there's deathly afraid of dogs, to the point where the fear is paralyzing.  As for boundaries, everybody has them, but some people have higher boundaries than others.

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14 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

But did Sonia communicate to Nick the extent of her fear?  She didn't explain to him, that she had to leave their bedroom because the dogs were there.  There's afraid of dogs and there's deathly afraid of dogs, to the point where the fear is paralyzing.  As for boundaries, everybody has them, but some people have higher boundaries than others.

Yes, remember he let going on about how she could be afraid of dogs but not big, huge untamed horses.

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I don't think she's deathly afraid of dogs.  She's afraid and definitely uncomfortable,  especially since they're allowed on the bed and part of her fear is not being able to know their next move. I don't think her fear is paralyzing if she's still there and trying to coexist. 

My good friend told me she underwent therapy as a young adult to overcome her fear of dogs.  I was shocked when she told me that because by the time I met her she was a dog lover. Sonia strikes me as the type who would try hard to overcome her fear.  But nick could do more to help her adjust. 

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To me, Sonia has anxiety around dogs.  She's always predicting the worse case scenario when it comes to the dogs.

Here are Nick and Sonia:  

Sonia:  If you talk, then I'll open up.

Nick:  If you talk then I'll open up.

So they sit in silence.  Sonia said it, their communication style is not communicating.  

Dear Heather, "just say that the guy smokes pot too much."  People who don't know about the smoking think Heather is a cold, icy witch.  

Edited by Neurochick
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If that's Heather's big issue with Derek, I don't know that they'd show her explaining it. Smoking weed is illegal, so if she says, basically, "he's a criminal" what does the show do with it? Air that? Maybe, maybe not. So we have no idea if she's mentioned it specifically. Alternatively, maybe she doesn't want to put it out there like that. 

Whatever the case, I just want them to end it.

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Oh dear, I get Nick and Sonia now.  Sonia wants Nick to open up, but when he opens up and says something she doesn't like, she gets upset.  So that makes Nick not want to open up, which upsets Sonia and on and on it goes.

Edited by Neurochick
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my take is that Heather had no choice but to talk around it and not say it was more than "smoking" due to legal issues. So she is taking the brunt of all the chatter about why their relationship is failing--shes no princess charming but I think after the first fight where instead of agreeing that he shouldnt have smoked everyday he attacked her she was done. I know I would be. its a shame.

15 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

To me, Sonia has anxiety around dogs.  She's always predicting the worse case scenario when it comes to the dogs.

Here are Nick and Sonia:  

Sonia:  If you talk, then I'll open up.

Nick:  If you talk then I'll open up.

So they sit in silence.  Sonia said it, their communication style is not communicating.  

Dear Heather, "just say that the guy smokes pot too much."  People who don't know about the smoking think Heather is a cold, icy witch.  

someone upthread said Nick should have said "must love dogs". I think its awful that she is somewhat afraid of dogs and he is the opposite--that could be (hopefully not) a deal breaker.

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Ah, I see what happened now.  Heather asked Derek to stop smoking; he did but he was probably pissed that she asked him to stop, and then the issue with the surf instructor and the cave happened.  Derek was probably still pissed off that Heather asked him to quit smoking and he turned on her.  

Ugh, cliffhanger!

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I give Sonia a lot of credit – she is really trying with the dogs. She tries to interact with them, she pets them, she is really trying. Nick needs to meet her halfway and set some boundaries with the dogs. (I’m not afraid of dogs but I wouldn’t want them in my bed either.)

Nick’s mother and her boyfriend are SO CUTE. When the boyfriend said that being with Nick’s mom made him feel warm and fuzzy, I said “Awww!” out loud. #relationshipgoals. It’s good that Nick’s mom is in Sonia’s corner.

Nick: “I’m not gonna touch your boob.” Sonia, in her head: “TOUCH IT.”

Heather is so done. She just looks mad all the time. When Derek said he wanted to stay married, there was a little pause on her part like "Oh shit, now I have to be the bad guy." I think she's completely resentful of the whole situation, including the fact that she has to skirt the weed issue (I am firmly in the "smoking = weed in this case" camp. I've never waffled on that).

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Argh! Just get this Heather and Derek crap over with! Yes or no! Just say it, it's not that hard! Derek looked stoned to me when he was talking to the pastor, I think he's still smoking 'it'.

13 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Oh dear, I get Nick and Sonia now.  Sonia wants Nick to open up, but when he opens up and says something she doesn't like, she gets upset.  So that makes Nick now want to open up, which upsets Sonia and on and on it goes.

I totally agree with this.^^^^^^

And isn't Lily 24 years old? She's got plenty of time to have kids. 

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5 minutes ago, Straycat80 said:

Argh! Just get this Heather and Derek crap over with! Yes or no! Just say it, it's not that hard! Derek looked stoned to me when he was talking to the pastor, I think he's still smoking 'it'.

I totally agree with this.^^^^^^

And isn't Lily 24 years old? She's got plenty of time to have kids. 

Indeed. We aren't one of those species who can only mate once than die, dang it.

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When it comes to finances and future plans, Tom keeps reminding Lily that he’s only known her for two weeks.  However, it doesn’t seem to be an issue when it comes to sleeping with her. 

Clearly, Nick isn’t attracted to Sonia. 

I find the Heather and Derek storyline really annoying.  How much longer are they going to drag it out? 

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I guess I give Tom credit for being exactingly honest? I mean, of course he doesn't want kids NOW and isn't sure yet if he'll be with Lily long enough to experience that with her, but he could have phrased it a lot better. Like, "Yes, I eventually want a family." No need to parse out and qualify every word. And nothing stopping him from saying he wasn't comfortable babysitting, either.

Sonia and Nick were kind of adorable with their notepads while talking to Pepper. Better jot down these pearls of wisdom, kids! I was not at all surprised that Nick was pleased with the marriage so far -- it's more of his inward-focused obliviousness. I also think him helping to clean isn't so much a sign of affection as it is his meticulous and precise nature. They still might stick it out but Sonia will have to make the most concessions and come to terms with Nick not being the type of person who's going to caress her shoulders and give her passing kisses.

Edited by lordonia
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I asked Mr. Snarkle for his opinion on Nick in this episode and he said "Nick wants to like women and wants to be married to one in theory but he's just not into them sexually so he acts awkward and closed."  I tend to agree with him.  I don't even think it's about not being attracted to Sonia specifically at this point but about Nick's issues with women in general.  Nick blurting out that he's "not in love" with Sonia told it all.  Does he think he has to be "in love" with her to show some freaking affection?  That's a freaking excuse, IMHO.  He has absolutely NO problem showing affection to the dogs!! 

I feel for Sonia and I think this is going to reach a head eventually and a big fight is coming on the horizon.  I have to wonder about a guy who acts this way and what his experience level is with former relationships.  I just can't see Nick as ever having been in an LTR with any woman.  I don't blame Sonia for going on a "fishing expedition" to try to get him to open up but it was an exercise in "be careful what you wish for".  It's actually better that she be let down and know the cold truth than make assumptions about where he's coming from, though. 

That said, I felt it was sad to see the stark contrast between the way Nick's mother relates to her boyfriend and the way Nick acts all emotionally constipated to Sonia.  I loved the way his mom gave honest and loving advice to Sonia.  Both she and her boyfriend really impressed me.  It's hard to believe Nick is her son.  I think she knows how he is.  It makes me wonder if Nick's a lot like his father.

Heather and Derek:  Wow, show, what a way to drag out what should have happened in 10 minutes into an entire episode and beyond!  I think they're dragging them out way beyond any reasonable length of time because Heather might actually bail.  If they stay together I'll be sure it's only because the show is holding a contract and/or money over their heads.  She looked defeated again like she's not doing what she wants to do in this episode and Derek is FOS about being so eager to continue.  I agree @Neurochick that Derek got really ugly and pissy about everything after Heather asked him to stop smoking and THAT is what really turned Heather completely off on him.  Probably with good reason, too, IMO.  I did like how the Pastor wasn't all shouty this time and was actually taking a step back and trying to listen.  That was a positive thing, IMO.

Tom and Lilly:  Another non-issue made into an issue.  We all know that 5 years down the line (or even sooner) if they stay together, Lilly will turn up pregnant and Tom won't bail or complain.  Geesh, he's like almost every guy out there on this.  He'll come around in time.  Her saying she didn't want him to think she was one of those women who is "desperate to have a child right away" made me think that was some kind of producer gimmick to create drama for the show and the two of them are actually on the same page.  He seemed to like being with Lilly's niece an awful lot!

Edited by Snarklepuss
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I agree, he does seem to know the power he has over Sonia.  If you see his face, he seems to smirk when ever Sonia is upset.  Sadly enough, Nick and Sonia are my favorite couple.  

Tom is just creepy to me and who goes to bed with filthy feet??  

Derek....oh Derek, just go smoke whatever it is you smoke and write a rap song. You'll be fine.  

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The experts must have been smoking some of derecks weed when they came up with these matches.  I applaud Sonia for how she's handling the dogs.  I grew up with dogs and though I don't have any now I do like them.   But I was feeling anxiety just watching those dogs jump all over nick and lick his face.. Them. Jumping on those nice white sheets yuck.. And I was annoyed by all the yapping and barking.  I think the tables have turned and Sonia seems less enamored of Nick now.  

Scary that Tom doesn't seem to want kids.  Also I noticed his feet were gross and dirty again. 

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What a crappy episode.  All commercials and flashbacks.  And the cliffhanger!  What bullshit.

Sonia has to tell Nick "no dogs in the bed.   Nick has to talk to Sonia and not keep looking away from her.  He also has to tell her she's beautiful and have sex already.  She is starving for affection .. what's wrong with him?

Something bad transpired on Heather & Derek's wedding night.  She is done with him.  I don't believe it's just the smoking.

Two weeks in and already Lily is talking children.  And, enough of the bed scenes.

I don't think Dr. Pepper is of any help to anyone.  They all could get better advice from their relatives.  What a crock.  

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I got a bad vibe from all couples tonight. Nick seemed very controlling when he said he "doesn't want to encourage physical affection". You are a married man-why the hell not? I have no idea why he wants to be married if he is not interested in having sex with his wife. I think Sonia is trying and even trying to deal with the dogs, I don't think Nick is trying at all. At the very least he should be honest about wanting a non-sexual marriage. He almost cringed at touching Sonia's boob accidentally. 

I found Tom reaction to babysitting Lily's niece to be kind of strange. She wasn't suggesting they have immediate children. I kind of get a strange controlling vibe from him too. I don't know if we will ever find out what is going on with Heather and Derek. They are shown so little. And dear God, this show needs to stop with the confessional segments, unfiltered segments etc. One weekly show is enough. I have tried watching some of these extra shows and can't even figure out if there is additional material, seems the same to me.

Edited by Madding crowd
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I'm kind of confused about the whole kid issue with Tom and Lily. I could have sworn that in a previous episode that Tom said something about having kids in sooner than 5 years, which is what Lily said she wanted. Am I the only one who caught this or did I misunderstand? My hunch tells me that this whole situation is just the work of the producers and not actually a problem at all. 

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1 hour ago, humbleopinion said:

Nick is pretty handsy and kissy faced with his 2 doggies maybe with time Sonia will get some affection other than a pat on the head.

I've held off on my opinion re: Nick, until tonight....

He's weird. So frustratingly weird (and awkward) that your everyday woman wouldn't have the desire to try to get through his lukewarm manner. 

And, his affect is off. Sonia deserves a man who is WILD about her, and shows it. 

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53 minutes ago, fabdarling said:

I agree, he does seem to know the power he has over Sonia.  If you see his face, he seems to smirk when ever Sonia is upset.  Sadly enough, Nick and Sonia are my favorite couple.  

Tom is just creepy to me and who goes to bed with filthy feet??  

Derek....oh Derek, just go smoke whatever it is you smoke and write a rap song. You'll be fine.  

Derek is a passive-aggressive whiney manboy. Heather is jaded and seemingly joyless.  Remind me again why they were matched? ?

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Nick's opening line during the confessions:  "Diary cam city, we're the mayors."  I lol'd.  There's a funny side to him we're not being shown.  The dinner with his mom and boyfriend probably helped Sonia a lot.  In the beginning of the show I thought Nick's mom would be a PITA but she seems like a really nice person.  It was great how she helped Sonia realize she's not going crazy and that Nick is generally not one to talk about his feelings to anyone.  

 

2 hours ago, Neurochick said:

Oh dear, I get Nick and Sonia now.  Sonia wants Nick to open up, but when he opens up and says something she doesn't like, she gets upset.  So that makes Nick now want to open up, which upsets Sonia and on and on it goes.

I agree.  Sonia needs to reign in the emotions and listen when he opens up, even if it's not what she wants to hear.  I have a feeling the floodgates will open once he trusts her.  She's got a guy who's gonna take a bit of patience.

Oh, puhleeze...the conversation between Tom and Lily about kids was ridiculous.  We may not know if the experts asked about dogs but c'mon, kids? That's pretty basic stuff.

Edited by Paddywagon
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Tom may want a family some day, but he's not sure he wants it with Lily.  I think he won't even tell Lily that he wants a family some day because he  doesn't want to encourage her into thinking he can envision her as the mother of their kids because he can't.  He may already be pulling back from the honeymoon romance.  Lily should take heed; she seems all-in already even though she's been hit with some major realities about who Tom is. 

Edited by izabella
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The whole "kids" conversation is the fakest BS ever. Plus, if it WERE real, it would be a positive indicator that this couple is really going to last because they are making plans about the far of future. Not only is this conversation even more pompous than I thought this couple could get, but Lily doesn't even want kids now - she wants them in FIVE years, which is forever and a lifetime away,

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It is uncomfortBable to watch the way Nick treats Sonia and it is very obvious he is not attracted to her, SO she needs to pull a Heather and flirt with other guys

Allowing Sonia to leave the bed at night because she is afraid of the dogs was a very unmanly move. He should have kicked the dogs out instead. 

Edited by Matias130
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I just can't with the weed talk. This is a theory with no proof that haa been turned into fact now. It's just as  likely that she is truly not into him whether it be for his looks or personality and she's using things like smoking to not come off bad. I don't know where the true answer is. No one does at this point.

I need Sonia to stop saying she's petrified of dogs. No she's not. I've seen fear of dogs and I live it myself. No one that is petrified of dogs is going to be this okay with being around dogs this quickly. The fact that she went into the house at all the first night told me all I need to know about that. She's uncomfortable around dogs and finds them unpredictable. That's it and it's a huge difference. It's also sending mixed signals because her being SO scared of dogs but being able to be around them this much makes it look like it's not that big of a deal. 

It's been a couple of weeks. There is no need to be on a baby/ticking clock tip. Slow it down. Tom/Lily and Nick/Sonia both need different gears. It's moving too fast or too slow. Find a balance.

Whether or not Nick is into women, I do know he's as boring as a piece of driftwood. Just zero personality. Ugh.

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6 hours ago, Racj82 said:

I just can't with the weed talk. This is a theory with no proof that haa been turned into fact now. It's just as  likely that she is truly not into him whether it be for his looks or personality and she's using things like smoking to not come off bad. I don't know where the true answer is. No one does at this point.

I need Sonia to stop saying she's petrified of dogs. No she's not. I've seen fear of dogs and I live it myself. No one that is petrified of dogs is going to be this okay with being around dogs this quickly. The fact that she went into the house at all the first night told me all I need to know about that. She's uncomfortable around dogs and finds them unpredictable. That's it and it's a huge difference. It's also sending mixed signals because her being SO scared of dogs but being able to be around them this much makes it look like it's not that big of a deal. 

It's been a couple of weeks. There is no need to be on a baby/ticking clock tip. Slow it down. Tom/Lily and Nick/Sonia both need different gears. It's moving too fast or too slow. Find a balance.

Whether or not Nick is into women, I do know he's as boring as a piece of driftwood. Just zero personality. Ugh.

I agree that Sonia doesn't have an outright phobia. I think it is something she and Nick could get past if he trains his dogs and sets boundaries and if she gets to the root of her fear/discomfort. I understand the mixed signals on her part because I am somewhat afraid of dogs and quite uncomfortable with them. Yet I can be seen cooing at a cute dog or wanting to pet one that's being held down. I think her statement about them being unpredictable (you don't know if they're going to jump on you, attack you, whatever) hit the nail on the head. I had a couple of childhood experiences that contributed to this. I also have a huge problem with dogs being allowed wherever and whenever in the house. And I definitely don't want them licking me in the face. I applaud Sonia for trying, whether it's fear or discomfort or some combination of both.  

And yes, Nick is dry as hell. He has moments where he is kinda silly but then he goes back to the dryness. 

I get the feeling that Lilly doesn't want to be stuck cultivating a relationship with someone who doesn't want or like kids. Not that she wants them right now. However, this is such a part of a marriage that I find it hard to believe it wasn't brought up in the questionnaire phase of this "social experiment."

Edited by love2lovebadtv
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11 hours ago, Straycat80 said:

Argh! Just get this Heather and Derek crap over with! Yes or no! Just say it, it's not that hard! Derek looked stoned to me when he was talking to the pastor, I think he's still smoking 'it'.

I totally agree with this.^^^^^^

And isn't Lily 24 years old? She's got plenty of time to have kids. 

She doesn't want kids now. She just doesn't want to work on building a relationship only to find out that her partner doesn't want or like kids in the future. That's how I interpreted this. I'm sure you know many couples divorce over this. 

I agree this isn't typical conversation for the first couple of weeks of dating. But neither are income, debt, living arrangements. Since this is a show that is centered around marriage, it makes sense for this to come up early. Actually, it should have come up already. 

I don't know if Derek was stoned or what but he is definitely under the influence or whatever he does to make him feel secure and sound his most intelligent or upbeat. He made those nasty remarks to Heather when he had taken a break from smoking. Without getting into the addictive/non-addictive argument, I will say that people indulge all kinds of behaviors that help them cope and ease their nerves, handle their anger, or whatever. 

Edited by love2lovebadtv
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9 hours ago, kira28 said:

Scary that Tom doesn't seem to want kids.  Also I noticed his feet were gross and dirty again. 

Why is that scary?  Some people don't want kids.  It's normal IMO.

Quote

I need Sonia to stop saying she's petrified of dogs. No she's not. I've seen fear of dogs and I live it myself. No one that is petrified of dogs is going to be this okay with being around dogs this quickly. The fact that she went into the house at all the first night told me all I need to know about that. She's uncomfortable around dogs and finds them unpredictable. That's it and it's a huge difference. It's also sending mixed signals because her being SO scared of dogs but being able to be around them this much makes it look like it's not that big of a deal. 

Yes.  I noticed that last night when I was watching.  Sonia is anxious around dogs, but not petrified, not deathly afraid.  She's just unsure about them.  If she were petrified, she probably wouldn't be able to even be in the same room with them. 

Edited by Neurochick
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9 hours ago, kira28 said:

The experts must have been smoking some of derecks weed when they came up with these matches.  I applaud Sonia for how she's handling the dogs.  I grew up with dogs and though I don't have any now I do like them.   But I was feeling anxiety just watching those dogs jump all over nick and lick his face.. Them. Jumping on those nice white sheets yuck.. And I was annoyed by all the yapping and barking.  I think the tables have turned and Sonia seems less enamored of Nick now.  

Scary that Tom doesn't seem to want kids.  Also I noticed his feet were gross and dirty again. 

I was really tired. I'm glad I missed the nasty feet this episode. The first time was more than enough. 

I agree that not all dog lovers want to kiss them in the mouth or have them in the bed. So they really need to add this topic to their screening process. 

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5 minutes ago, Neurochick said:

Why is that scary?  Some people don't want kids.  It's normal IMO.

Yes.  I noticed that last night when I was watching.  Sonia is anxious around dogs, but not petrified, not deathly afraid.  She's just unsure about them.  If she were petrified, she probably wouldn't be able to even be in the same room with them. 

It's normal for lots of people to not want kids. 

But it's scary for the woman he's married to who does want them.

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I adore my dogs. And if somebody pair me with person that is scared of dogs or doesn't like them.. That would be a deal breaker for me. I'm sorry but only animal lovers understand that. Can't comprehend why they pair them. No, just no.

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9 hours ago, Realityeve said:

I'm kind of confused about the whole kid issue with Tom and Lily. I could have sworn that in a previous episode that Tom said something about having kids in sooner than 5 years, which is what Lily said she wanted. Am I the only one who caught this or did I misunderstand? My hunch tells me that this whole situation is just the work of the producers and not actually a problem at all. 

That's what I remember, too, so it was pretty confusing when he seemed to change his tone about kids.

About the whole baby talk, I don't blame Lilly for wanting to find out if her husband wants kids or not, even if it was a little early to talk about it at this point. (At the same time, they have 6 weeks to get to know each other and decide if they want to stay together or not, so maybe it wasn't that early.) Before I married my husband, we talked about this issue, and I wouldn't have married him if he had said he didn't want any kids. I also know a couple that got divorced because the man wanted children and the woman didn't (even though she'd said in the beginning that she did). So it's a very important question to settle, and I agree with those who've said that they should have made this very clear on the questionnaire.

 

8 hours ago, Paddywagon said:

Nick's opening line during the confessions:  "Diary cam city, we're the mayors."  I lol'd.  There's a funny side to him we're not being shown.  The dinner with his mom and boyfriend probably helped Sonia a lot.  In the beginning of the show I thought Nick's mom would be a PITA but she seems like a really nice person.  It was great how she helped Sonia realize she's not going crazy and that Nick is generally not one to talk about his feelings to anyone.  

I thought that was cute, too. He can be funny, but I don't like how closed off he is with Sonia. Why is it such a big no-no for him to have any kind of physical intimacy with her? Whatever his reason, I don't understand why he can't think about how that makes her feel.

I totally agree about his mom. She seemed pretty critical in the beginning, but she seems very nice now, and I like how she's trying to help Sonia.

 

7 hours ago, Matias130 said:

It is uncomfortBable to watch the way Nick treats Sonia and it is very obvious he is not attracted to her, SO she needs to pull a Heather and flirt with other guys

Allowing Sonia to leave the bed at night because she is afraid of the dogs was a very unmanly move. He should have kicked the dogs out instead. 

I would agree, but actually, Sonia didn't tell him that she left the bed because of the dogs. She really needs to talk to him about that issue.

Edited by BunnySlippers
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I liked Lily's sister and Nick's mom and boyfriend a whole lot more than the "couples". 

As far as Nick goes,  he needs to diplomatically learn how to say certain things. He shouldn't just blurt out to Sonia that he doesn't love her. Soften it up a little, dude. She doesn't love him either but knows it could happen down the road once they get to know each other more. He is just the strangest!

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