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OnceSane

S03.E09: Week 5, Night 2

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Wells is sort of a gimp.   If only Ashley had gushed that "psycho killer" was her fave Talking Heads song.    he could have geeked out, and also have been horrified by the possibilities. 

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Jared and Ashley deserve each other. I’ve had it with both of them. BYE.

(Also, confidential to Ashley: have you noticed that whenever you’re angry at another woman, you always call her a whore or a hooker? Trust me, that says more about you than it does about any of them. You might want to work on that.) 

But LOL and a round of applause to the producers for arranging that “Jared runs after Caila’s departing car” move. I mean… I guess it was more of a halfhearted jog than a run. But whatever. And don’t let yourself wonder if Jared is actually leaving all his shit behind, given that he wasn’t carrying anything. Just listen to the swelling orchestral music and let the completely arranged spontaneous manipulative romantic ForeverLove TM envelop you like a warm bath. 

“You’re not sure if she’s going to cast some spell on you, or murder you, or rip your clothes off… and you’re kind of hoping for all three of those things to happen at the same time.” A+++ Wells, you are still the best. 

Amanda: “I’m a good judge of character.” Untrue. “I’m a smart girl.” There is no proof of that. 

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Ashely seems to believe that all non-virgin women are whores and/or hookers. 

"I am a very good judge of character", says the single mother of two.

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2 hours ago, huahaha said:

I don't think Ashley wants to be a virgin. Some people are saving themselves for marriage, but she's not. She just wants a steady boyfriend who loves her. In some ways, that seems to make her more desperate, though. I almost think that Daniel was right that she'd have felt better dating (not necessarily sleeping) around. Instead, she's always hunting for True Love(TM) and goes psycho hose beast too soon.

Hell, maybe she should even think about sleeping around a little. I rather suspect that, at this point, she's built up losing her virginity to that one special guy to such monumentally epic proportions that it can't help but be a let down when it happens. It might be better to just find a kind, considerate dude to have that first time with, without attaching any unrealistic expectations to it. But then, I find the whole concept of virginity to be a touch ridiculous anyway, so what do I know.

14 minutes ago, huahaha said:

BRETT: Today I take my beetches to the beaches.

Sometimes it's ok to just not speak.

Oh, I'd forgotten about this. I could feel my eyes narrowing as he said this. I didn't find him particularly attractive before, and that remark didn't exactly help.

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7 minutes ago, kingshearte said:

I rather suspect that, at this point, she's built up losing her virginity to that one special guy to such monumentally epic proportions that it can't help but be a let down when it happens.

Quite probably, but she's ready to lose it. She's known Wells for a few days on the show, and he's been on three dates, yet she's already talking about leaving with him and going home to have sex. I think she knows she's waited too long (for someone who wasn't waiting for marriage).

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4 hours ago, Gregg247 said:

This may seem silly, but as a guy, I was completely shocked when Ashley opened up one of her suitcases and the entire thing was a make-up cabinet with built-in lights and everything!  Is that normal?  How does she get that thing through airport security?  How heavy would it be, with all the electrical outlets plus the massive containers of eyelashes?  I was dumbfounded, to be honest.

I went to a writers conference where I shared a room -- my roommate had an entire suitcase filled with make-up, just like Ashley. I was also dumbfounded. I can't imagine it doesn't need to be checked these days, but paying $25 (the extra bag-check fee) just to have the option of 50 different eye shadows for four days boggles my mind. I rarely use the stuff, but multi-color compacts are tiny! Of course, I get bored to death doing my make up.

I guess Jared travels light. No need to pack?

When he first jumped in the car, he said "I'm going to ride with you."  I got the sense he meant to accompany her to the nearby hotel then go back to paradise, he was so wishy-washy. Thank goodness he never returned.

Edited by Andromeda
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Yes, Ashely hangs on to her virginity like it's a badge of honor.  It allows her to feel superior to other non-virginal women - you know, whores and hookers.

   I don't think that she wants to "find someone"  as much as she wants to "find someone on Bachelor in Paradise", because then she can be a celebrity couple, featured in magazines, and coming back to the show to first gloat, then cry when all goes to hell.   If that happens, she will have her own season of the bachelorette, meet her true prince, live in Hollywood, be best friends with the Kardashians, have her own reality show, makeup brand, jewelry line, fashion line, etc. 

After she wasn't chosen on TB, Jared was her second chance at this stairway to the top.  If she can only find another guy to take his place, the path to fame and fortune doesn't change.  She's got it all mapped out, she's just stumbling on the first step. 

Edited by backformore
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This may seem silly, but as a guy, I was completely shocked when Ashley opened up one of her suitcases and the entire thing was a make-up cabinet with built-in lights and everything!  Is that normal?  How does she get that thing through airport security?  How heavy would it be, with all the electrical outlets plus the massive containers of eyelashes?  I was dumbfounded, to be honest.

NO, it's not normal.  I don't OWN as much makeup as what Ashley brings on vacation.   All that to achieve a "beachy glow?"  I'm fair-skinned, so five minutes on the beach, even with sunscreen, is all I need to be "glowing".

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1 hour ago, backformore said:

I don't OWN as much makeup as what Ashley brings on vacation.

In my lifetime I have not owned that much makeup. I think I've owned about 5-10 foundations in the past 25 years. most of them ended up going bad and getting thrown out because it feels gross to me having something on my face like that. (I am very fortunate to have good skin, part of that is because I never wore foundation.) I get that they are on TV and want to look their best, but my god none of them seem to. They all look like they are melting. In that kind of heat I wouldn't want to be wearing anything.

I hope that, now that Jared is gone, we are done with the Ashley Show because lord knows I am done with her. Actually, I'm pretty much over all of them at this point. Bring on Nick the Snarky Bachelor!!!! I can't wait!!!! (though I really wish Wells was there as his wing man. I would love a whole season of Nick and Wells hanging out and dating a bunch of women, being goofy, doing impressions and preferably being in their swimtrunks or boxers most of the time.

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Ashley's makeup bag was eyepoppingly big. 

I would have been laughing really hard at Ashley's waiting for Jared to come back. Any minute now. He'll be back. I wonder how long they let her sit and wait.

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1 hour ago, backformore said:

NO, it's not normal.  I don't OWN as much makeup as what Ashley brings on vacation.   All that to achieve a "beachy glow?"  I'm fair-skinned, so five minutes on the beach, even with sunscreen, is all I need to be "glowing".

For Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fans, The Sexy Getting Ready Song: 

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Is Ashley a pathological liar, or was there massive editing trickery?  We didn't see Caila tell Ashley she didn't like Jared, and we didn't see Jared tell Ashley he never wants to see her again.  I'm guessing that Ashley is a compulsive liar.  There's no way they wouldn't have shown us Jared cutting off Ashley for good. 

I finally figured out who Lace reminds me of - a budget Mary Louise Parker.

4 hours ago, Vinyasa said:

It seems like they are all getting bored there and are now leaving on their own.

What do they do all day?

Sleep, make out, and get drunk.  For weeks on end.  It looks incredibly boring and I couldn't handle weeks of unrelenting heat, no air conditioning, and bugs and crabs crawling all over me.  But hey, apparently it's more fun than taking care of your two little girls.

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I used to think my makeup collection was excessive because I own about a dozen lipsticks, but it's *nothing* compared to Ashley's makeup case. All the makeup I own at any given time can fit into a small shoebox.

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That whole drama with Ashley, Jared, and Caila seemed off.  Not only did it seem like Ashley was blatantly lying at times, but then she abruptly turned off all the histrionics and was like this stinks but oh well time to move on.  Huh?  It just seems fishy.  I get the sense that Ashley and Jared have a deal to make this their story line so they can stay in the spotlight.  I don't think Caila is in on the game. 

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Ashley was out of line calling Shushanna a hooker, but as a Russian myself, I did get a "mail order bride" vibe from her. She laid it on really thick flirting with Wells, asking him whether he'll shower with her to protect her from the crabs, and he later said that he wasn't sure whether she'll cast a spell on him or kill him. Russian women aren't usually that forward, but mail order bride agencies coach them to play to the men's "sexy Russian woman" fantasies.

Edited by chocolatine
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I like Evan and Carly. What has happened to me? I even find him better looking than I did when this started. What is happening to me? I wish we saw more of these two than most of the others. What has happened to me?

Confidence.  At least that's what I convinced myself when I thought the same thing you did.  Amazing what it will do for a man of average looks. 

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Is Ashley a pathological liar, or was there massive editing trickery?  We didn't see Caila tell Ashley she didn't like Jared, and we didn't see Jared tell Ashley he never wants to see her again.  I'm guessing that Ashley is a compulsive liar.  There's no way they wouldn't have shown us Jared cutting off Ashley for good. 

I wondered about this too. How can Jared continue to be friends with Ashley after seeing this? She tells Caila to leave, then  goes to Jared and tells him Caila said she doesn't like him

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1 hour ago, OldWiseOne said:

I wondered about this too. How can Jared continue to be friends with Ashley after seeing this? She tells Caila to leave, then  goes to Jared and tells him Caila said she doesn't like him

Didn't Ashley say that Caila had told her Jared "wasn't her type" prior to going on the show?  I can totally see that translating in Ashley's mind to "Caila doesn't like him"--she has a way of hearing just what she wants to hear and then making it fit her story.

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1 hour ago, OldWiseOne said:

I wondered about this too. How can Jared continue to be friends with Ashley after seeing this? She tells Caila to leave, then  goes to Jared and tells him Caila said she doesn't like him

 

3 hours ago, RedheadZombie said:

Is Ashley a pathological liar, or was there massive editing trickery?  We didn't see Caila tell Ashley she didn't like Jared, and we didn't see Jared tell Ashley he never wants to see her again.  I'm guessing that Ashley is a compulsive liar.  There's no way they wouldn't have shown us Jared cutting off Ashley for good. 

 

Ahhh as you can see by the time stamps I can't seem to put these quotes in their chronological order.  

Anyhow, I'm sure there's a reason or two Jared hasn't cut Ashley out of his life after seeing the show: Firstly, perhaps he is only seeing this stuff just now.....and has had what, 24 hrs to digest it. Let's face it, he's already broken up with Caila and Ashley has apparently been spending all this time injecting him with her poison. He may be incapable of putting two and two together. He may no longer have the will to independant thought now that he has been successfully stupefied by the narcotic effect of listening to The world according to Ashley. This  is including phone calls he accepted and spent time on....WHILE he was on dates with Caila! We have seen Ashley say, when asked, that  her reasons were validated by events and conversations that took place off camera. ..... I seriously find it hard to believe that TPTB would leave any dramatic info such as that on the cutting room floor.... 

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17 hours ago, huahaha said:

For Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fans, The Sexy Getting Ready Song: 

 

How funny that you posted this. Last week I was going to post that Ashley's antics with manipulating Jared and Caila remind me a lot of Rebecca's antics on Crazy Ex-Girlfirend. Same this week although Ashley is more overt and reeks a lot more of desperation. 

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Amanda saying I'm a smart girl I would see it before anyone else does.. Um sweetie u were married to a guy u claim wasn't interested  in ur kid after she was born and didn't help you and just wanted to go out and party.  So ur brilliant Idea was to have another child immediately.. Um no doubt here that u are most definitely not a smart girl! 

I'm glad Caila left and Jared followed her.  Glad to see wells get some action.  Happy that Brett took Lauren on a date and I hope he dumps izzy.  Would serve her right.  Nick gives spot on advice.  

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On 8/31/2016 at 3:07 PM, FamilyVan said:

Ohhhhh... woah now.

I'm pretty sure the "single mother" comment is because she's a single mother due to being divorced from her kids' father, who she claims (paraphrasing) is no good and doesn't spend a lot of time with the kids.  If she were such a great judge of character, she wouldn't have married him, thus being in the position of being a single mother (although I guess "divorced mother" would be more appropriate).

ETA:  I see @kira28 said it much better :)

Edited by ByTor
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Shout out to you, chocolatine, since people in my country feel like Russian people are our brothers/sisters :)

I just have to let it all out when it comes to Jared - My money is on these two things:

1)he doesn't want to be the one who will break Ashely's heart on national television because he will be the big bad wolf. Let's face it, she could cry about anyone and that factor alone would make the person guilty/awful etc.

2)He likes having her around because his ego loves that she's so into him.

I don't think it's because he's too good of a person. Good people would have set the record straight with her by now! First of all, friendship is a two-way street and Ashley has never been in that street. She's waiting for him to say that's it's time to cross the line and ambush him with hugs and kisses. She seems that desperate to me. Also, talking to her about Kayla when she's hurt (again!) that you're not with her - yeah, not the best moment to trust her judgement. Because of all of these things he really bugs me. He's either stupid or aware of it, but goes along with it for some reason. (After watching the show, he should definitely say his goodbyes to her, because re-telling her conversations differently to the camera and telling two different stories to him and at the camera speaks volumes about her)

Ashley and Wells - she creeped me out because she wants to look rational/calm to win him over. Like he wouldn't see through her at some point and like she could do that all the time. I'd say she's acting like a kid, but somehow I feel that I would insult kids all around the world.

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On 8/31/2016 at 5:36 PM, Nowhere said:

Wells isn't at all attractive to me anymore. The way he was sitting next to Shushanna all hunched over with his legs crossed like an 80 yr old man really disgusted me. And he says fucking dorky things and not dorky in a good way. More on par with Evan. When he said he was looking at her "derrière" while they were surfing, I knew my love for him would never return. He is so not sexy. He's a better looking Evan. 

Ugh. This. I so want to like Wells and had a massive crush on him during Bachelorette, but he didn't speak much there, did he? He's adorable and his little DJ bit in the intro is cute and he likes music and comics and looks great in a beanie and these are all things that are super attractive. But then he makes puns like "tac-o-bout" and says words like "derriere" and names himself the "voice of reason" on TMTA and I just can't ignore these things forever.

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5 hours ago, jade.black said:

Ugh. This. I so want to like Wells and had a massive crush on him during Bachelorette, but he didn't speak much there, did he? He's adorable and his little DJ bit in the intro is cute and he likes music and comics and looks great in a beanie and these are all things that are super attractive. But then he makes puns like "tac-o-bout" and says words like "derriere" and names himself the "voice of reason" on TMTA and I just can't ignore these things forever.

 

He's been on my shit list since the MTA. (I was indifferent before that.) He is deceptively boyish but then you realize that he is 32 and all the drinking, partying, and immaturity is off-putting.

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Just now, thehepburn said:

He is deceptively boyish but then you realize that he is 32 and all the drinking, partying, and immaturity is off-putting.

That's true. I find it hard to believe he's 32. If he were 22 he'd be adorable, but at 32...IDK. I adored him when he was on the B'ette but it's not looking so good anymore.

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Sleep, make out, and get drunk.  For weeks on end.  It looks incredibly boring and I couldn't handle weeks of unrelenting heat, no air conditioning, and bugs and crabs crawling all over me.  But hey, apparently it's more fun than taking care of your two little girls.

I guess Amanda didn't mind being away from the kids when she was on The Bach either.  I only watched a little of it. Did she go to the Fantasy Suite?

How many weeks is BIP?

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8 minutes ago, Vinyasa said:

I guess Amanda didn't mind being away from the kids when she was on The Bach either.  I only watched a little of it. Did she go to the Fantasy Suite?

How many weeks is BIP?

No, Ben eliminated her after hometown dates. He was overwhelmed after spending a day with her two daughters.

I've read that BiP filmed over 18 days. The Bachelor must have been at least a month before she was eliminated.

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I never noticed how nasal Lauren's voice is, I think she may be even worse than Amanda.

LOVED Evan when Ashley was going on about sounding like a lunatic.  The look on his face was great, and when he pretty much said "Nope!" when she asked him if there was anything he wanted to add cracked me up!

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15 hours ago, chocolatine said:

No, Ben eliminated her after hometown dates. He was overwhelmed after spending a day with her two daughters.

I've read that BiP filmed over 18 days. The Bachelor must have been at least a month before she was eliminated.

I have also read that BIP was filmed in 18 days.  Reality Steve also says that the Bachelor films over 45 days.

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On ‎9‎/‎1‎/‎2016 at 6:05 PM, ByTor said:

I'm pretty sure the "single mother" comment is because she's a single mother due to being divorced from her kids' father, who she claims (paraphrasing) is no good and doesn't spend a lot of time with the kids.  If she were such a great judge of character, she wouldn't have married him, thus being in the position of being a single mother (although I guess "divorced mother" would be more appropriate).

ETA:  I see @kira28 said it much better :)

I don't see why it's okay to say Amanda is a poor judge of character because her husband let her down, but if someone was saying she was a poor judge of character because her baby-daddies let her down it would be a, "Whoa now," thing.  Seems like the same sort of poor judgement in both cases to me.

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I think Carly felt a connection with Evan from the beginning.  She thought he was entertaining and liked spending time with him.  But she built it up and the first kiss was terrible so she was turned off. But over time and with more time spent with him he grew on her and him totally worshiping her was very attractive to her.  He's kind of weird, but he's nice and adores her and has a great job.  She can teach him how to kiss better.

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59 minutes ago, meatball77 said:

I think Carly felt a connection with Evan from the beginning.  She thought he was entertaining and liked spending time with him.  But she built it up and the first kiss was terrible so she was turned off. But over time and with more time spent with him he grew on her and him totally worshiping her was very attractive to her.  He's kind of weird, but he's nice and adores her and has a great job.  She can teach him how to kiss better.

She also said from the beginning that she's attracted to odd men, so he was pretty much her type from the beginning.   She just wasn't sexually attracted to him right away.  Which is why women can become attracted to male friends and co-workers - there's not an immediate spark, but a slow building attraction.  I know of women who routinely have sex on the first date and if it's not great, there isn't a second date.  Which means they will never develop a relationship based on anything but immediate attraction and sexual chemistry.  

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That's what I like most about the Evan Carly relationship, is that it is based on more than physical attraction. I mean, how much did Josh and Amanda know about each other before they started spending every night in the sex room? Honestly, I doubt they know much about each other at this point on the show, since it's hard to talk with someone's tongue jammed down your throat. Carly, on the other hand, fell for Evan not because he has big muscles but because she got to know him and that made him more attractive. That's how relationships happen when not being televised.

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What won me over to Carly and Evan was that couple on the After show last week (married comedians, I think? I miss details sometimes.)  Anyway, they were asked who on the show they were most like and, I thought bravely, enthusiastically chose Carly and Evan! And talked about how they had dated and not quite clicked in the beginning, or how one really liked the other a lot and one wasn't that interested. The guy was MUCH less attractive looking than Evan, but he was kind of nice and funny and I realized I liked their lack of pretense and honesty and not having to be the most beautiful girl/most muscular jock in the room.  Evan and Carly are actually a cute couple but not the Amanda/Josh kind of pairing (or really I think Lace & Grant are more attractive, but she's so obnoxious that...no.  Though Josh is obnoxious, too. Maybe Grant and Amanda should hook up!)

Anyway, Carly and Evan actually seem like one of the more "real life" relatable kind of relationships (including her feeling she was better than he was, he was too weird and goofy, etc.  Then she saw he was nice .. and adored her... and she could go through experiences together and trust him and enjoy them with him and suddenly she saw him differently and he BECAME attractive (rather than like Josh, good looking when you see him, then it wears off very quickly). I hope it was genuine because they're very real.

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1 hour ago, FamilyVan said:

What's his clinical background (with regard to his line of work)? Is he a Medical Doctor?

I'm not sure of his educational background, but I think he's more of a business guy rather than someone with clinical experience.  From his Male Medical Management website http://www.malemedicalmanagement.com/team/

Quote

Evan has been responsible for opening over 20 medical practices across the nation, where his innovative advertising campaigns and aggressive marketing strategies have produced over $50,000,000 in sales over the past 6 years. Based in Nashville, TN, Evan currently runs and provides oversight to multiple health companies—fulfilling his real passion to help other's learn from what he's accomplished and establish practices of their own.

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Wasn't Shushanna on Ben's season sent home the first night? I thought she was the one who (pretended) not to speak any English? Or am I thinking of someone else?

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2 hours ago, dleighg said:

Wasn't Shushanna on Ben's season sent home the first night? I thought she was the one who (pretended) not to speak any English? Or am I thinking of someone else?

Someone else. She was shown speaking only Russian but she survived the first nite.

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2 hours ago, dleighg said:

Wasn't Shushanna on Ben's season sent home the first night? I thought she was the one who (pretended) not to speak any English? Or am I thinking of someone else?

She did pretend to not know English...I'm not sure if she thought it would make her intriguing, but I thought it made her annoying.  She didn't last especially long, but she was there for more than 1 episode.

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