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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


Message added by CM-CrispMtAir,

Shout out to everyone participating in the conversation about Jill’s miscarriage/stillbirth. You’re navigating a difficult topic with respect and thoughtfulness and your contributions are kind, considerate, constructive and informative. 

Thank you. 💚💚

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13 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

Derelict is an idiot if he thinks a Jilly-educated child will surpass anyone. As it stands now, Jill can't even get Izzy to do pre-school work unless she bribes him with candy. I don't think that's because he's spoiled or a brat, but rather because Jill has no idea what the hell she's doing and he gets frustrated.

Jill can't even potty train that kid.  He's 3 1/2 years old and still in diapers.

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17 minutes ago, doodlebug said:

If Derick thinks Jill is going to be able to homeschool their kids so that they can 'exceed their peers', he is clearly further gone than I thought.  Garbage in, garbage out.  We've see Jill in action, we know her very real limitations because of her own substandard education; her kids are not going to be prepared for anything, let alone law school unless they are total self-educated self-starters ala Abraham Lincoln, which is virtually impossible in their world.

Derick could've just said he was excited to have a Dillard nephew and left it at that.  Making up new meanings for the word naturalized is really kinda stupid.  But, then, so is Derick.

I kind of like the coinage of ‘naturalized’ in this context... it’s creative.

OTOH, it’s idiotic to call a ‘midweek exam’ (which I bet this was), a ‘midterm’, to the level of ‘how did that person graduate with an undergrad degree’.

i would also give money to the first person who said ‘really Derrick?  We’re the first people to have suggested that your wife has the smarts and critical thinking skills of a box of hair, and that any kids she teaches will be next door to illliterate?’  Not because I want to be mean, but damn.  They’ve already got her mental genes to work against, they don’t need her tutelage.

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29 minutes ago, Mollie said:

Jill can't even potty train that kid.  He's 3 1/2 years old and still in diapers.

Good point! And I could totally see 7-months-younger Spurge surpassing Izzy in potty training. Didn't Jessa say that Spurge was on the verge of starting to potty train?

So, since I don't have human kids, I'd like those of you who are parents to weigh in: Does the desire to start potty training start with the toddler/young child, or the parent? In other words, I could see Izzy being physically ready to potty train but there's no incentive for him to do so if Jill hasn't made any attempts to introduce potty training. Whereas Jessa may have been monitoring Spurge and determining when he would be ready, without necessarily trying to force him to potty train on her schedule. 

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The same person also says: "So it’s different for 1Ls (what Derick is) and you have the entire ~120 person class split into two sections of ~60. That 60 person section goes to all of their predetermined first year classes together. Class size varies greatly after your first year. Some of my upper level classes have had as few as 8 people. There’s definitely a sense of community as a 1L and when I say professors are receptive to guests, it’s not as if you can bring a guest every single class. The professor who has the most generous guest policy (the class he brought his wife to) says that you’ll be asked to stop if you’re trying to bring a guest every class period. It’s not really ever a distraction, as most of the time folks who bring guests sit in the back of the class."

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Naturalized does not mean that you're related by blood. How can that be? A naturalized citizen of the USA means that a person was born in another country and switched citizenship to the USA. They don't have any "American blood".  When your biological brother has a child, you are that child's blood uncle or aunt...related by blood, not related by marriage. Jill is Dan Dillard's son's uncle by marriage. 

Derick is now a biological uncle from his brother, Dan.

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2 hours ago, doodlebug said:

If Derick thinks Jill is going to be able to homeschool their kids so that they can 'exceed their peers', he is clearly further gone than I thought.  Garbage in, garbage out.  We've see Jill in action, we know her very real limitations because of her own substandard education; her kids are not going to be prepared for anything, let alone law school unless they are total self-educated self-starters ala Abraham Lincoln, which is virtually impossible in their world.

Derick could've just said he was excited to have a Dillard nephew and left it at that.  Making up new meanings for the word naturalized is really kinda stupid.  But, then, so is Derick.

Maybe Derick is looking to homeschooling as a way to keep Jill busy in a way that can be verified. Her clinging must be getting old. However, making silly Jilly responsible for the kids' education is a mean thing to do. It's beyond selfish, venturing into sociopathic, really. Dreck knows how dense she is. 

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2 hours ago, madpsych78 said:

Good point! And I could totally see 7-months-younger Spurge surpassing Izzy in potty training. Didn't Jessa say that Spurge was on the verge of starting to potty train?

So, since I don't have human kids, I'd like those of you who are parents to weigh in: Does the desire to start potty training start with the toddler/young child, or the parent? In other words, I could see Izzy being physically ready to potty train but there's no incentive for him to do so if Jill hasn't made any attempts to introduce potty training. Whereas Jessa may have been monitoring Spurge and determining when he would be ready, without necessarily trying to force him to potty train on her schedule. 

A mix of both.  If the kid doesn’t want to potty train, there’s no way they are going to be “forced” in it.  We started several times with my oldest and it never clicked with her until she was about 3 years, 4 months.  Once she figured it out she never looked back and never had any accidents because she was mature enough to know what she was doing.

It could be that Izzy can pee in the potty but not poop regularly yet.  Our pediatrician said not to push pooping in the potty because constantly holding it can screw up their gut in the future.

Americans potty train way too early because of the cost savings at daycare.  All my kids’ stay at home friends potty trained a year or two later then the daycare friends.

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1 hour ago, madpsych78 said:

Good point! And I could totally see 7-months-younger Spurge surpassing Izzy in potty training. Didn't Jessa say that Spurge was on the verge of starting to potty train?

So, since I don't have human kids, I'd like those of you who are parents to weigh in: Does the desire to start potty training start with the toddler/young child, or the parent? In other words, I could see Izzy being physically ready to potty train but there's no incentive for him to do so if Jill hasn't made any attempts to introduce potty training. Whereas Jessa may have been monitoring Spurge and determining when he would be ready, without necessarily trying to force him to potty train on her schedule. 

Don't want to get into potty wars, but back in the day most children were potty trained around age 2. The trend now seems around age 3. Jessa responded to a post a while back that she's an expert (I'm exaggerating a bit) in potty training and she'll potty train Spurgeon when she sees fit.

My kids were all potty trained around two years old. Apparently they were "ready" because it really was as easy as saying , "these are undies, you need to use the potty". Or maybe I just lucked out.

It's actually easier to have your kid in diapers. I feel like, between my kids, I spent a good few years on the inside of many a creepy bathroom. Trips took longer because we needed more stops, shopping took longer because no one is going to tell an early potty trainer to 'hold it', etc.

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With regard to potty training, it depends on the child and the parents. The child has to be ready. My twins are almost 2 1/2 and are very interested in the potty and are less and less tolerant of being in wet or dirty diapers. We're going to get some pull ups this weekend and give it a try. We're hoping if one can, then the other will too. As for Izzy, I didn't realize he was still in diapers. I wonder if he gets shamed for it. Jill needs to stay home, and work with him. He seems like a smart kid, so it's probably more to do with his idiot parents than anything else. And please God, let them send the kids to a regular school. I know it's not going to happen, but I can wish. 

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2 hours ago, madpsych78 said:

Good point! And I could totally see 7-months-younger Spurge surpassing Izzy in potty training. Didn't Jessa say that Spurge was on the verge of starting to potty train?

So, since I don't have human kids, I'd like those of you who are parents to weigh in: Does the desire to start potty training start with the toddler/young child, or the parent? In other words, I could see Izzy being physically ready to potty train but there's no incentive for him to do so if Jill hasn't made any attempts to introduce potty training. Whereas Jessa may have been monitoring Spurge and determining when he would be ready, without necessarily trying to force him to potty train on her schedule. 

Izzy is verbal, so he is able to tell  his idiot parents that he has to go potty. Boys are also very curious about what daddy does in the bathroom .A few visits with Derick would do the trick, if Derick would take the time with him. It seems like neither one is taking the initiative to get him potty trained.

I cant wait to se how the homeschooling goes.

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3 hours ago, Mollie said:

Jill can't even potty train that kid.  He's 3 1/2 years old and still in diapers.

Are you kidding?  I’m probably going to catch some flak for saying this, but unless a child has some type of issue physically or mentally, that’s nothing more than lazy parenting, and it’s unacceptable.

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33 minutes ago, farmgal4 said:

Are you kidding?  I’m probably going to catch some flak for saying this, but unless a child has some type of issue physically or mentally, that’s nothing more than lazy parenting, and it’s unacceptable.

Thanks for all the input BTW. 

And to comment on the quote above, I strongly suspect that any potty training issues are due to Derick and Jill. On the surface, Izzy does not appear to have any physical or mental issues.

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I was very lucky with my daughter, it seems.  Just before she turned two, I noticed that she stayed dry all night.  We made a chart where she would get a star if she peed or pooped in the toilet, with a special seat, of course.  Within a week, she was potty-trained.

I know kids vary, and according to my MIL, girls trained easier than boys.  I only had 1 girl, so I don't really know if that is true in general.

Damn, diapers are expensive.  I would think Dillweed would have shown Izzy how to at least pee in the toilet by now.  Is that a sin, or something?

I guess since he's going to be HomeFooled by his dimwit mama, potty-training isn't required for kindergarten or daycare purposes.  Those unfortunate little boys have FUBAR parents, seems to me.

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8 hours ago, Vandy10 said:

I'm sure that's what he's thinking, but if he *has* to differentiate between his wife's siblings' kids and his own sibling's kids, isn't biological a better term than naturalized? I just think of citizenship when I hear naturalized as an adjective. Now that I think about it, I'm not sure English uses the term naturalized in any other way.

I dunno, in old books a "natural son" would be an illegitimate son. . . so maybe he thinks his brother and his wife aren't legally married so their kid is <shudder> illegitimate??

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2 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Don't want to get into potty wars, but back in the day most children were potty trained around age 2. The trend now seems around age 3. Jessa responded to a post a while back that she's an expert (I'm exaggerating a bit) in potty training and she'll potty train Spurgeon when she sees fit.

My kids were all potty trained around two years old. Apparently they were "ready" because it really was as easy as saying , "these are undies, you need to use the potty". Or maybe I just lucked out.

It's actually easier to have your kid in diapers. I feel like, between my kids, I spent a good few years on the inside of many a creepy bathroom. Trips took longer because we needed more stops, shopping took longer because no one is going to tell an early potty trainer to 'hold it', etc.

Some people contend that kids are potty training later these days because the diapers are so crazy absorbent that the kids are a lot less bothered by any sensation of wetness--because it takes a LOT of liquid for the wetness to be perceived.

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6 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

I was very lucky with my daughter, it seems.  Just before she turned two, I noticed that she stayed dry all night.  We made a chart where she would get a star if she peed or pooped in the toilet, with a special seat, of course.  Within a week, she was potty-trained.

I know kids vary, and according to my MIL, girls trained easier than boys.  I only had 1 girl, so I don't really know if that is true in general.

Damn, diapers are expensive.  I would think Dillweed would have shown Izzy how to at least pee in the toilet by now.  Is that a sin, or something?

I guess since he's going to be HomeFooled by his dimwit mama, potty-training isn't required for kindergarten or daycare purposes.  Those unfortunate little boys have FUBAR parents, seems to me.

My daughter was potty-trained shortly before she was two as well...it didn't take much more than explaining it to her, but she was always rather a perfectionist, and wanted to get things right as soon as she understood them. She stayed dry at night as soon as she was potty trained during the day as well. The boys took a little longer, but were pretty much ok during the day at 2 1/2. Nighttimes took a few extra months.

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When my youngest was 2-3 (I don’t remember exactly, she’s 26 now!) she got up during the night to use the bathroom. She ended up in the kitchen and raised the lid on the trash can. Her father scooped her up and took her to the correct receptacle ?

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9 hours ago, Vandy10 said:

I'm sure that's what he's thinking, but if he *has* to differentiate between his wife's siblings' kids and his own sibling's kids, isn't biological a better term than naturalized?

Legally speaking, the children of your spouse's siblings are not your nieces and nephews.  Yeah, that's how we refer to them colloquially, but if your will says "to divide my money equally among my nieces and nephews", that would only be your siblings' children.  

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6 hours ago, ginger90 said:

Jill may be willing to homeschool,that doesn’t mean she’s able to do it well.

He really hates his boys, doesn’t he?  He knows perfectly well how inadequate Jill’s education was and he is willing to subject his children to that. 

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24 minutes ago, latetotheparty said:

He really hates his boys, doesn’t he?  He knows perfectly well how inadequate Jill’s education was and he is willing to subject his children to that. 

I think he's thinking of Jill as smarter than she actually is (eyes of love and all that); and also that he's so henpecked and grateful for the female attention that he'd never dream of challenging her on these castles in the air pictures of hers. 

If she just would prove that she could pass the GED, I'd not say another word.  I do think she could school them through third grade, and probably even 6th if she farms out the math to Derick or Cathy, as-is, but that's not going to cut it.  Maybe Derick is just hoping to buy enough time to talk her into the boys going to a real high school.

Edited by queenanne
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21 minutes ago, queenanne said:

I think he's thinking of Jill as smarter than she actually is (eyes of love and all that); and also that he's so henpecked and grateful for the female attention that he'd never dream of challenging her on these castles in the air pictures of hers. 

If she just would prove that she could pass the GED, I'd not say another word.  I do think she could school them through third grade, and probably even 6th if she farms out the math to Derick or Cathy, as-is, but that's not going to cut it.  Maybe Derick is just hoping to buy enough time to talk her into the boys going to a real high school.

Those poor boys ...

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4 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

Don't want to get into potty wars, but back in the day most children were potty trained around age 2. The trend now seems around age 3. Jessa responded to a post a while back that she's an expert (I'm exaggerating a bit) in potty training and she'll potty train Spurgeon when she sees fit.

My kids were all potty trained around two years old. Apparently they were "ready" because it really was as easy as saying , "these are undies, you need to use the potty". Or maybe I just lucked out.

It's actually easier to have your kid in diapers. I feel like, between my kids, I spent a good few years on the inside of many a creepy bathroom. Trips took longer because we needed more stops, shopping took longer because no one is going to tell an early potty trainer to 'hold it', etc.

Exactly the same with my 3 kids, GeeGolly, right down to spending way too much time in creepy bathrooms!  I noticed Izzy's diaper with his jammies.  Maybe he only wears one at night? 

As for Jill homeschooling those boys to surpass their peers?  No Way!  That will never happen.  Derrick gets a real education and doesn't allow his children to do the same?  Shame on him!

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2 minutes ago, cmr2014 said:

I will have to respectfully disagree with you here. Early childhood education is critical. If children don't learn how to read well in first and second grade, they will struggle for the rest of their school years. Children develop a love of learning (or fail to do so) early on, and a large part of that comes from their early experiences.

It's not just that Jill is dumb and uneducated -- which she is -- it's also that there is no indication that Jill has any talent for teaching. Some people are natural teachers, others aren't; I'm sure we all have teachers in our pasts who we remember with tremendous fondness for their ability to make algebra make sense, or who made history come alive, or who finally made sense of what adverbs were. That's not Jill.

Jill also has no understanding of early childhood development. We see this over and over with her assigning tasks to Izzy that aren't age appropriate (memorize this verse from Acts!). She and Derick also seem (to me) to be very punishment oriented and are far more comfortable reprimanding than encouraging.

I agree with the other posters who say Derick doesn't give a shit about those boys -- he's 100% about Derick. I do think, though, that when they start embarrassing him -- when his colleagues find out that they can't read or add, that they don't know what a cell or a molecule is, and that they can't find the US on a map -- he might start thinking about public school.

I agree with you and want to add that I hope Derick doesn't start punishing the boys when they start embarrassing him.  With the lack of insight those two have, they probably think they can smack the knowledge into them.  Very sad situation.

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I agree with everything you said, @cmr2014, with one small quibble. For Derrick to be embarrassed when his colleagues find out that he and Jill are not teaching their kids anything, he would have to step outside his tiny fundie bubble. Nothing in his actions since he sought out Boob as a prayer partner and marriage broker has suggested to me that Dreck is at all interested in dipping a toe outside. I could be wrong and maybe law school will spark something in him but so far, we've seen him only interested in echo chambers.

Those poor boys. Izzy looks bright to me and seems to want to be engaged but he was unlucky and got stuck with parents whose only desire is to control him and stamp out his spark.

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Okay I'm a few days behind and catching up, but I cannot contain myself.

I am floored Jill was allowed to sit in on that class. (Not surprised she or he tried it because, well, it's them.) When I was a TA at the U of A a few years ago, we were explicitly told this was not acceptable. I have a feeling the law school would be just as emphatic as a random gen ed class. Of course, this assumes they asked for permission or went unnoticed. But by this point in the semester, I'd think folks would be familiar enough with faces to be like, "You're not a face that belongs. Who are you? GET OUT!"

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2 hours ago, ginger90 said:

When my youngest was 2-3 (I don’t remember exactly, she’s 26 now!) she got up during the night to use the bathroom. She ended up in the kitchen and raised the lid on the trash can. Her father scooped her up and took her to the correct receptacle ?

That's hilarious!!!! ?. Thank you for the laugh! 

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56 minutes ago, BetyBee said:

As for Jill homeschooling those boys to surpass their peers?  No Way!  That will never happen.  Derrick gets a real education and doesn't allow his children to do the same?  Shame on him!

Considering how far Izzie is already behind my granddaughter's classmates at pre-school, Derick might want to look into actual facts before making these unfounded pronouncements.  

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I hope Cathy 'helps' Jill home school the boys. And by help i mean take over completely. Derrick HAS to understand that Jill is not smart enough to provide adequate education for her kids. They will be stunted for life just like Jill.

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4 minutes ago, yogi2014L said:

I hope Cathy 'helps' Jill home school the boys. And by help i mean take over completely. Derrick HAS to understand that Jill is not smart enough to provide adequate education for her kids. They will be stunted for life just like Jill.

Cathy won't be retiring for about five more years, but for Christ's sake woman, do what you can until that point then definitely TAKE OVER when your days are freed up. If they insist on homeschooling those poor boys, having Cathy as their main educator is the best gift she could give them as their Mima. 

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1 hour ago, bythelake said:

By the time Derick gets his head out of his arse, they’ll be so far behind it will be hard for them to catch up. Let’s face it, Jill had poor homeschooling, but she’s also dumb and lacks maturity. She shows no curiosity or eagerness to learn. Instead of accompanying her husband to classes, if she had any initiative, she’d take a few classes herself. 

For that matter, none of the married girls has shown an interest in anything except having babies..And in Jill’s case, she’s raising them with the same disinterest as her mother did.

My heart aches for these two little boys. Izzy looks so lost and fearful. With these two as parents, I have no hope that it will get any better.

I agree with you 100%. None of the Duggar kidadults has shown any interest in learning much of anything. Jessa expresses exasperation about Ben's books; Jinger has shown some mild interest in reading things that Jeremy has selected for her -- but I think that's more about her complete submission to Jeremy's wishes than any interest of her own; Joy is simply a cow, and has no interest in anything. All of the boys are desperately proving their masculinity by doing manual labor and reading nothing -- their intellectual and emotional growth has completely come to an end.

I think the thought that Cathy will take over the home schooling is wishful thinking. She has a job and has limited influence over the household. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't share the thought that Jill can teach the early years successfully because the topics are so easy that even Jill can teach them. By the time that they all catch on to the fact that teaching children to read -- and to learn in general -- is a skill, Izzy and Sam will be too far behind to attend public school at anything near grade level.

I also see Izzy looking lost and fearful. In the slide video that Jessa posted, he says over and over "look at me, look at me!" He doesn't look happy and carefree, he looks fearful and in desperate need of affirmation. It may just be his personality, but I really don't think he gets any positive reinforcement at home, and I don't think that's going to improve.

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14 hours ago, mythoughtis said:

Naturalized or biological - Both terms sound like he doesn’t consider the Duggar side his.  if I were Jill or any of Jill’s siblings(or their spouses), we’d be having a serious chat.  Does he mean that his kids aren’t claimed by Ben, Anna, Lauren, and so forth?  

Of course,  these folks do have funny ideas about marriage and how families fit into it. 

The only really acceptable way to say it would be ‘Jill and I have our first  nephew from my side of our family’. 

I'm cutting him slack. Jill has18 siblings. Derick has one. There is no way in hell Derrick is ever going to be as close to any of his inlaws as he is to his one single brother.  His only brother just had a baby. His inlaws have been popping out kids like Pez. He'll have a different relationship with Dan's kid than with the amorphous cloud of humanity that are his nieces and nephews on his wife's side. 

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4 hours ago, cmr2014 said:

I also see Izzy looking lost and fearful. In the slide video that Jessa posted, he says over and over "look at me, look at me!" He doesn't look happy and carefree, he looks fearful and in desperate need of affirmation. It may just be his personality, but I really don't think he gets any positive reinforcement at home, and I don't think that's going to improve.

Agreed. Although Michelle often gave lip service to praising her kids as much as correcting them, I don't imagine that happening in the Dillard household. I think those idiots are quick to admonish Israel when he does wrong, but don't do much to build up his confidence.

I also think that his personality at this point is influenced by the nurturing he is getting from his parents. Yes, part of it is innate (the "nature" part), but if he is shy and fearful, I don't doubt his parents' role in making him that way.

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28 minutes ago, rainclouds said:

Was this discussed? Izzy asking Derick who will take care of him, since mommy won't wake up? Does Jill sleep in or spend the day in bed? I find this weird. 

 

 

I found this to be one of the oddest exchanges from these ninnies.

Also, the title she chose for a video of Samuel, was odd too. “Samuel Dillard flirts with his Momma- August 2018”

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13 hours ago, farmgal4 said:

Are you kidding?  I’m probably going to catch some flak for saying this, but unless a child has some type of issue physically or mentally, that’s nothing more than lazy parenting, and it’s unacceptable.

I must be a lazy parent then 

no amount of telling here are your undies, we use the toilet now, did anything to get him trained. So from 3 1/2 unti 5 1/2, I was constantly cleaning up wee and wet undies and pants

 

 All kids are different

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