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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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Maraleia, I also have posted that I believe Jill has absolutely NO concept of what it is to have to maintain a 9-5 M-F actual real work schedule like Derick and rest of us have. It is totally an alien concept for her as no one she has come in contact with "within her former circle" has that type of life. Also, I think she is having time management issues with all those hours she is home supposedly alone. All her life, she has been "scheduled" with house chores, sibling responsibility, and any other thing that cropped up that her parents required her to tend to. It doesn't leave any "free time". The Duggars have also stated that they schedule free time, around 4pm, I think for about an hour. She has NO schedule once Derick leaves, I hope she is cooking that poor man a nice breakfast and making him fresh coffee every morning as he has to support her butt. She is used to noise, activity and many kids climbing all over everything around her. She sure is having culture shock. If the Duggars believe in "leave and cleave" once married, as Michelle has stated, they MUST let Jill lead her own life and not expect her to drop by every day as that will not help her emotionally break away from her family and think of her house with Derick as HER home now. Although the Duggars are a bunch of contradictions; they seem to be sorrier that she married than they were when Josh married. They had no problem cutting him loose as I recall.

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I agree the being home by yourself for long stretches when you're used to tons of people and activity might be an adjustment, albeit possibly a welcome one, but I don't think the fact that she's never lived a 9-5 life is that big of a deal.  I mean, I'd never had a 9-5 job either until I got married (because I got married right out of college and had only had part-time jobs up to that point) and I don't recall it being traumatizing or anything.  Yes, an adjustment in your thinking, what times of day you did things, when you went to bed at night, stuff like that, but I wouldn't call it culture shock.

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I have a little hope that she spending some of this time getting information and learning about the whole big world now that she is a married lady and can read what she wants and watch tv and use the computer without supervision etc.

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I don't. Jerick are sharing their testimony as experienced married people next Saturday at the Friendly Chapel in Little Rock. This was the church the Duggars found (Pentecostal) while Josie was hospitalized in Little Rock.

 

My money says TLC is filming. But really, who wants advice from people who have been married less than two months? This is a total grab for the fame, a quid pro quo.

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but I don't think the fact that she's never lived a 9-5 life is that big of a deal. I mean, I'd never had a 9-5 job either until I got married (because I got married right out of college and had only had part-time jobs up to that point) and I don't recall it being traumatizing or anything.

 

But the idea of a 9-5, or any sort of schedule, has never even been modeled for her.  The Duggars keep "Duggar Time" and do what they want, when they want.  She never had to get up and be on time for school. Her parents never left for work. She has no concept of keeping a schedule. Derrick having to go to work and stay at work on THEIR schedule, and not his own is what I think the culture shock comes from.  The Duggars basically do as they please on their own schedule, they don't have outside influence.

 

I find it pretty juvenile that she goes and eats lunch with him on a regular basis, as I've never known anyone to do that with their spouse- but to me, that is part of this all. The idea of him being away from the home for that long is baffling to her. So I wonder how often they get into "oh, just sleep in a bit late today, it isn't a big deal" from her, and him knowing he needs to get to work ON TIME.

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Jerick are sharing their testimony as experienced married people next Saturday at the Friendly Chapel in Little Rock. This was the church the Duggars found (Pentecostal) while Josie was hospitalized in Little Rock.

 

 

A very minor point, but I just wanted to clarify.  Friendly Chapel is part of the Church of the Nazarene denomination, which is NOT Pentecostal or even fundamentalist (at least not in its core doctrines; although there are some members who are more fundy than others).  I am a life-long member of the denomination myself so I know it pretty well.  CoN is derived from the Methodist tradition, and has very similar doctrines and beliefs to the United Methodist church.

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A very minor point, but I just wanted to clarify.  Friendly Chapel is part of the Church of the Nazarene denomination, which is NOT Pentecostal or even fundamentalist (at least not in its core doctrines; although there are some members who are more fundy than others).  I am a life-long member of the denomination myself so I know it pretty well.  CoN is derived from the Methodist tradition, and has very similar doctrines and beliefs to the United Methodist church.

As a retired UM minister let me support that. I didn't know Friendly Chapel was Church of the Nazarene. I can imagine it would be interesting to learn from Jill and Derick something about their practice of courtship. I would enjoy hearing it myself. 

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I don't think it's all that bizarre that she goes and eats lunch with him sometimes; I don't get the sense that it's daily -- maybe it's their thing once a week or 2x a month or something. Aside from the fact that it breaks up the day for her, they're also newly married having barely gotten to know each other. They (esp Jill) are probably in the stage where they want to see each other all the time, and Jill may feel that being away from her love for 8-9 hrs is a LONG time. Derick presumably had relationships in college etc. and likely didn't think it was a big deal if he only saw those girls at the end of the day because they had classes on the opposite sides of campus all day long, but for Jill she's in that lovey-dovey phase that people go through with their first boyfriends of NEVER wanting to be apart. He's a nice guy and while I'm sure he doesn't want a rep for being that dude who always has his wife visiting work, I don't think he's going to say no to her coming for lunch once in a while. Anna spent a lot of time at the car lot at first and even with the kids, but now in DC she's obviously managing days on her own; Jill will get there -- this whole thing is a huge adjustment.

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As stated previously, I think it is culture for Jill, as she has never had anyone around her have a real 9-5 job, not even her father. She didn't ever see anyone having to leave for work because the workplace required it, each and every day, every week. The fact that she never worked at anything real doesn't help either. When I was a kid, I went to school, having to go when they said I had to and I had to stay until dismissal. She hasn't had that experience either. I saw my father leave every morning, rain, or shine, snow or heat wave and didn't return until 6:30pm. I had an actual concrete idea of what that meant. The Duggar children have absolutely no reference to those things.

As for Josh and Anna at the car lot, Josh stated that he went home a lot to say "hi" to Anna, which he could never do if he worked a real job with coworkers. He came and went as he wanted and the 2 guys that worked for him were there to make up the difference..I bet that those two guys could not do the same as Josh did..Also Anna just kept the desk seat warm at the carlot, for she isn't trained in anything office-like at all....just like Michelle.Michelle never worked in an office and didn't learn or develop those office skills that we are taught in our entry level positions. I know because I held those types of jobs in the real world. Anna was also smitten with Josh in that "we're finally allowed to be alone stage" just like Jill. I truly hope that Derick realized before the wedding what maturity level he was getting in Jill.

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I knew someone like this once, and they had been married for something like 15 years at the time. He came home for lunch every day, and once I had asked her if she could give me a ride somewhere, which had to be done on a particular schedule, and happened to be around noon. She had to have her husband come along as well, because otherwise she would have missed that "together" time with him at midday. She was also very, very fundy, and I remember once her asking me a question which I wasn't sure about the answer to, but I knew my husband would. My husband was about 50 feet away playing with our son on the playground, so I said she should probably ask him, but she said she couldn't, without me, as it wouldn't be proper for her to talk to a man other than her husband "alone". The mind boggled.

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A very minor point, but I just wanted to clarify.  Friendly Chapel is part of the Church of the Nazarene denomination, which is NOT Pentecostal or even fundamentalist (at least not in its core doctrines; although there are some members who are more fundy than others).  I am a life-long member of the denomination myself so I know it pretty well.  CoN is derived from the Methodist tradition, and has very similar doctrines and beliefs to the United Methodist church.

My bad. I read they were Nazerene, and don't know how I remembered it as Pentecostal. Mea culpa! :D

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My bad. I read they were Nazerene, and don't know how I remembered it as Pentecostal. Mea culpa! :D

 

No big.  They don't put the "Nazarene" part in their church name (although that practice is being discouraged in the church now) so it's easy to not know exactly what it is.  Plus, plenty of people have no idea what the Church of the Nazarene is or, if they've heard of it, no idea who we are or what we believe.  I have people regularly wondering if I'm a member of a cult!  :-)

 

But, I have to say, I was a little surprised they opted for a Nazarene church for their "home" in Little Rock because the denomination as a whole isn't really fundy, but rather fairly moderate in terms of doctrines and practices.  But, of course, there are members and whole congregations that are far more conservative, so it's possible this is one of them.  Still seems weird to me that the Duggars wouldn't have looked for a church a little more similar to their own practices, more southern Baptist maybe.  But whatever I should probably censure myself and tell myself to move this conversation to the Religion thread.

 

I feel appropriately chastised.

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I'm another vote for lunch with Derrick not being a big deal. I just recently became a stay at home mom after having been in the workforce for almost 10 years and visit my husband for lunch about once a week. It breaks up my day and gives us something to do - I imagine once I figure out a new routine we'll go less often, but right now it's a way to fill our days. I imagine the same will be true for Jill.

Edited by alt0233
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As far as Jill being a midwife does anyone know if she is a certified, licensed midwife? My roommate in college got a Masters in Midwifery so I am particularly sensitive to people who call themselves a Midwife but have no real, rigorous education in biology, chemistry, pharmacology and childbirth. My friend has to be licensed and take state boards as well as courses in continuing education. Posing as a "midwife" is an oversimplification of a profession that should require extensive education and testing...not just hanging around to catch a baby pretending to have a pseudo career.

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She is not licensed. I believe she trained as a lay midwife. Some states don't require licensing. Which is ridiculous because in those same states, you can't polish someone's nails without a license.

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Thank you Higgins for the information. I realize that how you have your baby is a personal choice. I just know how hard my roommate studied and that she has been on call 24/7 for the past 25 years. Having an 18 year old (or however old Jill is) calling herself a Midwife is insulting to those actual Midwives that educate themselves and give so much to make sure women have a safe childbirth experience.

I suspect that "Midwifery" is an acceptable job for a Duggar girl until they can pop a baby of their own out every nine to ten months but they are so under-educated it's scary. The men don't care--after all that's just woman's work.

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She is not licensed. I believe she trained as a lay midwife. Some states don't require licensing. Which is ridiculous because in those same states, you can't polish someone's nails without a license.

 

Have you been watching Teen Mom 2? :-) Poor Chelsea, lol. 

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Someone correct me if I'm wrong but Jill has said that she was studying to become a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) which I believe is different from a traditional lay midwife that people are referencing. A CPM comes with a national license, not a state-approved one.

 

Does anyone else get the feeling that Jill might be pursuing something in the public speaking arena like her parents and Josh? Last week she and Derick spoke at a women's retreat and now there's word they have another speaking engagement coming up this weekend.  From what I've seen and heard on the show, Jill seems to have a strong aptitude for public speaking so this might not be such a bad thing for her to pursue.

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Someone correct me if I'm wrong but Jill has said that she was studying to become a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) which I believe is different from a traditional lay midwife that people are referencing. A CPM comes with a national license, not a state-approved one.

 

Does anyone else get the feeling that Jill might be pursuing something in the public speaking arena like her parents and Josh? Last week she and Derick spoke at a women's retreat and now there's word they have another speaking engagement coming up this weekend.  From what I've seen and heard on the show, Jill seems to have a strong aptitude for public speaking so this might not be such a bad thing for her to pursue.

Except she has nothing interesting to say. She has almost no life experience, no relationship experience. All she can talk about is god and Duggar life.

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Someone correct me if I'm wrong but Jill has said that she was studying to become a Certified Professional Midwife (CPM) which I believe is different from a traditional lay midwife that people are referencing. A CPM comes with a national license, not a state-approved one.

 

Does anyone else get the feeling that Jill might be pursuing something in the public speaking arena like her parents and Josh? Last week she and Derick spoke at a women's retreat and now there's word they have another speaking engagement coming up this weekend.  From what I've seen and heard on the show, Jill seems to have a strong aptitude for public speaking so this might not be such a bad thing for her to pursue.

That may well be true. I do so wish she would continue her training. It is difficult for me to see a reason why a young married woman who does not yet have a child should not continue her education in an area found fully acceptable in her value system. Can it not be comparable to a young wife in Proverbs 31? Does anyone know why that wouldn't be acceptable for a person in the Gothard religion? 

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Midwifery is complicated - CPM is a national certification, but not all states recognize it. CNMs are college educated and generally work in hospitals. CPMs and lay midwives tend to work out of homes and birth centers. CPMs are definitely a legitamite career, and in some cases the option to have the kind of birth you want - in some states if you want to do a homebirth your only option is a CPM because states refuse to allow CNMs do one. So for some people choosing the CPM route isn't about being lazy or taking the path of least resistance, it's about wanting to work in a birth center or with home births as opposed to in a hospital setting.

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I agree with lottiedottie. Jill doesn't have anything to say. She is a totally inexperienced woman/child. What life experience does she have to speak of? If you re-listen to any of her "interviews" she speaks about the same subjects and repeats herself exactly over and over again. She says nothing new. She has memorized the same old platitudes and examples. How many times did she state about a guy's "slow to anger" temprament with the example of Josie spilling milk on him, and how would he react? I grew quite tired of hearing her in this rehearsed speech over and over again.

A couple of months of marriage does NOT qualify the couple to speak publicly on the subject like they are old, seasoned grandparents. Derick and Jill's marriage is still yet to be lived out.

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IIRC, Josh and Anna also did some speaking engagements after they got married.  My guess is Jim Bob lines up these engagements to capitalize on the buzz generated by the wedding.  I wonder if there is a speaker's fee involved or if they are just doing it out of the goodness of their hearts?  My guess is the former.  Sadly, it is all about milking it for everything it's worth.

Edited by 3 is enough
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From my perspective her only cache is that she is a Duggar.  People might want to meet her and hear the relatively exotic story of going to Nepal to meet Derick in person.  But that again is something that only happened because she is a Duggar and thus on TV with someone to foot the bill to make something rather exotic happen. 

 

The discussion on Jill becoming a midwife may be a circumstance of where she lives.  Arkansas appears to recognize a category they call lay midwives for licensing and also nurse midwives as advanced practice nurses.  The lay midwives have to complete classwork as well as practical experience and take and pass and exam. 

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I agree with lottiedottie. Jill doesn't have anything to say. She is a totally inexperienced woman/child. What life experience does she have to speak of? If you re-listen to any of her "interviews" she speaks about the same subjects and repeats herself exactly over and over again. She says nothing new. She has memorized the same old platitudes and examples. How many times did she state about a guy's "slow to anger" temprament with the example of Josie spilling milk on him, and how would he react? I grew quite tired of hearing her in this rehearsed speech over and over again.

A couple of months of marriage does NOT qualify the couple to speak publicly on the subject like they are old, seasoned grandparents. Derick and Jill's marriage is still yet to be lived out.

Well that's true for almost every politicians/celebrities/public speakers out there. In general, most of them have a talking point in mind that they stick with. it's hard to come up with something new  when they get asked the same questions over and over. My point is that Jill at least comes across quite confident and natural when she's in front of the camera and/or speaking to an audience.

 

IIRC her and Derick's event this weekend is for them to talk about their courtship and share advice on how others can follow through a similar path to marriage. I don't agree with everything the Duggars stand for but there's is a large population out there that do follow their beliefs and I don't really see the problem with Jill or any of the Duggars reaching out to them if the interest is there. As far as topics goes, they could pick something a lot more controversial than remaining pure before marriage.

 

That may well be true. I do so wish she would continue her training. It is difficult for me to see a reason why a young married woman who does not yet have a child should not continue her education in an area found fully acceptable in her value system. Can it not be comparable to a young wife in Proverbs 31? Does anyone know why that wouldn't be acceptable for a person in the Gothard religion? 

Well like I suggested in my previous post, maybe Jill decided that she wanted to pursue other opportunities. Maybe she wanted something that provided a more flexible schedule, one that wouldn't require her to be on call and occasionally work long hours at a time? JMO.

 

I'm willing to give her some slack because she's still young and this is the first time in her life where she's been able to make her own decisions without having to defer to mommy and daddy. In a way I can see why doing speaking engagements would be appealing to her - it's something she and Derick can do together on the weekends, and it still leaves her time to be a fully committed stay-at-home wife/future mom, which I think she really does cherish, and not just because it's what "expected" of her.

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Jill was studying to be a midwife when Josie was a baby. Does it really take that long? And why should she have to give it up to be a housewife? She should be allowed to have a career along with whatever Derrick does. Her life shouldn't be baby making just because she's married, and she's a Duggar. What if Jill wanted to have a career or GASP go to college?  Is she supposed to give up her dreams because Derrick is her new controller? 


I can sense that Jill wants kids, and would make an excellent mother, but why can't she have a career and be a mom? 

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Jill was studying to be a midwife when Josie was a baby. Does it really take that long? And why should she have to hive it up to be a housewife? She should be allowed to have a career along with whatever Derrick does. Her life shouldn't be baby making just because she's married, and she's a Duggar. What if Jill wanted to have a career or GASP go to college?  Is she supposed to give up her dreams because Derrick is her new controller? 

I can sense that Jill wants kids, and would make an excellent mother, but why can't she have a career and be a mom? 

By that same token, why should she be "shamed" for not having a career if her honest preference is to be a housewife? Maybe I'm just sensitive to this issue because I was raised by a stay-at-home mom. She gave up a very good career to raise my three siblings and me and she  has never once regretted that decision.  And from what I've seen of Derick so far, I somehow doubt he would force Jill to give up her dreams of becoming a midwife if she didn't want to. All those rumors about her quitting are just hearsay at the moment. It's possible that she DID finish her training or maybe she's taking a sabbatical. It's not like Derick isn't capable of providing for her and a family with just his income so it isn't a financial issue either. With all that Jill had to endure with being a houseslave to her parents for most of her childhood, I think she deserves to take some time out to enjoy being a newlywed and make her own decisions for what she wants to do with her life.

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I totally agree that Jill should be able to make her own decision about what she wants to do with her life. I just think it's ridiculous that she's been married two months, and everyone is already wondering when the baby announcement will happen. Is that all she's good for? 

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I absolutely agree Jill should do whatever she wants. I was just inferring (perhaps incorrectly) that she felt she needed to drop her schooling to be a full-time housewife. If she were very close to completing her education (and surely she was) it seems a shame not to finish up while she has what will probably be a short time before she plans to become a mother. So I wondered whether there were some religious/philosophical reason she had named as her reason. I pretty much just read here and not the Duggar blogs nor facebook pages. 

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I totally agree that Jill should be able to make her own decision about what she wants to do with her life. I just think it's ridiculous that she's been married two months, and everyone is already wondering when the baby announcement will happen. Is that all she's good for? 

 

They put a strong emphasis on having children. Anna was pregnant after being married only 4 months so it's only natural to assume Jill would follow suit given her family's beliefs. 

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Realistically, how big a family can an accountant at Walmart support (and hopefully prepare to send to college)? Without a second income, not a huge family IMO.

Comfortably -- meaning each kid has some kind of college fund even if not fully funded -- I'd say 2-3 kids. A little less comfortably -- along the lines of -- if you could to college we can give you a few thousand per yr but you better find merit scholarships for the rest -- 4-6 kids. Derick comes from a family of two. While he may be saying "as many as God gives us" because that's what his wife and inlaws want to hear -- in his heart of hearts, even if wants a bigger family, he may be thinking along the lines of 3-4. Even Josh who was raised Gothard has said -- as many as God gives us but if that's only 3, that's ok -- indicating a preference for a smaller family. Alyssa Bates said to Nightline that she'd be ok with something like 6 but can't see herself handling what her parents have. I think these kids who've grown up in these mega families honestly don't want what they had.

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Really the how many kids can this salary support is such an individual thing. It all depends on what choices the family makes along the way about lifestyle, as well as where in the country one lives. I think it's probably fair to say that the average relatively decent American salary would be tight if the family had or surpassed 8-10 kids, but 2 vs 4 vs 6 vs 8... it just depends on what standard of living the parents want and/or provide, and definitely the location. 

 

I do agree that I will be pretty surprised if more than a very few of the Duggar/Bates kids will procreate at the rate of their parents. I feel like we haven't really heard much about second generation crazy fundie families. I don't really follow anyone other than the Duggars and Bates, but I can't think of hearing about any fundie families where the 15-18 kids are all in their 30s and 40s, their parents being in their 60s or so, and the 15-18 kids having kids of their own, and having that many kids. If that made any sense at all... I hope at some point, as much as I voyeuristically like following the Duggars, that they disappear into relative anonymity at some point, and all the kids can procreate (or not) in peace.

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I absolutely agree Jill should do whatever she wants. I was just inferring (perhaps incorrectly) that she felt she needed to drop her schooling to be a full-time housewife. If she were very close to completing her education (and surely she was) it seems a shame not to finish up while she has what will probably be a short time before she plans to become a mother. So I wondered whether there were some religious/philosophical reason she had named as her reason. I pretty much just read here and not the Duggar blogs nor facebook pages. 

I follow blogs of many fundies. While Jill is the first Duggar daughter to marry, we do know that they have stated that their "hearts" are wrapped up in being wives and mothers, if the Lord would bring them a man. No young fundie woman I've observed (aside from one who is breaking away from Vision Forum) has worked after her marriage. Erin Bates comes the closest; she is apparently giving piano lessons, but to what extent - aside from having about 15 students - is unknown. It certainly isn't a full-time job, and likely occurs in her home.

 

We also know that A Mommy's Butterfly was looking for two interns recently. We know that at least one left, and given that the unmarried Duggars need accountability partners everytime they leave the house, it's a good bet that Jana ended her studies when Jill did. I agree that she had to be so close to finishing; I guess Gothard's/Phillips' edicts (is it biblical?) for women to be keepers of the home after marriage is deeply rooted from an early age in all of these girls. I've watched some older episodes lately and actually see Anna "training" Kynzie this way, so to me it's not surprising, just sad. I really hoped she'd keep at it until she had kids.

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Jana is listed as a lay midwife apprentice on the Arkansas midwife page:

http://www.healthy.arkansas.gov/programsServices/familyHealth/WomensHealth/Pages/LayMidwifery.aspx

 

I really hope that Jill finishes her midwifery training. She seemed to love it so much. She had mentioned in a Nepal episode something about it being her dream or goal to work in a foreign country as a missionary midwife and that Derick also had a missionary heart and so they had the same goals.

Edited by starfire
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Cathy update from Derick's twitter! -

 

"Thank you everyone who has been praying for my mom!  God has shown himself strong on her behalf, and she is cancer free!  Praise Jesus!!"

 

Very happy to hear this. I don't think it was ever said what kind of cancer she had? I''m crossing my fingers now that Ms. Cathy is doing better that she takes on a more active role in Jill and Derick's married life and encourages her daughter-in-law especially, to move away from the Gothard cult she was raised in to a more mainstream, Christian lifestyle. 

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Cathy update from Derick's twitter! -

 

"Thank you everyone who has been praying for my mom!  God has shown himself strong on her behalf, and she is cancer free!  Praise Jesus!!"

 

Very happy to hear this. I don't think it was ever said what kind of cancer she had? I''m crossing my fingers now that Ms. Cathy is doing better that she takes on a more active role in Jill and Derick's married life and encourages her daughter-in-law especially, to move away from the Gothard cult she was raised in to a more mainstream, Christian lifestyle. 

Excellent news!  So happy for Cathy.  I don't know how much time Jill has been spending with her but, I hope Cathy will be a great influence

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Does anyone know what kind of cancer she had?

Some wedding guests wore peach ribbons and Derick wore a peach tie (not to mention peach roses in the bouqets/boutinneres). Peach symbolizes endometrial and/or uterine cancer(s).

Edited by Sew Sumi
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I would recommend that Jill go immediately to her local library and just start reading.  Newspapers, magazines, books for fun and for information.  Get involved with a book club, garden club etc. Check out movies, audio books etc.

 

RUN JILL, YOU ARE FREE!  She just doesn't know it yet.

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The promos for the upcoming season have started to run.

I have to say it doesn't surprise me that JB is wiping tears from his eyes at Jill's wedding, while Michelle remains dry-eyed.

For all his misguided judgmental attitudes, JB adores his kids. Well, most of them.

Edited by roamyn
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The promos for the upcoming season have started to run.

I have to say it doesn't surprise me that JB is wiping tears from his eyes at Jill's wedding, while Michelle remains dry-eyed.

For all his misguided judgmental attitudes, JB adores his kids. Well, most of them.

He does love his kids, especially his daughters. I'm not sure what his views are on the boys -- he may feel the boys need to "toughen up" or figure it out on their own, but it's his job to protect his girls.

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