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Jill & Derick Dullard: Counting On (Donations)

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Didn't someone else besides Joe lick plates? (Not counting Josie.) By the time you tally up all the Duggar offspring who have manifested some sort of dysfunctional relationship with food, it presents a pretty sobering picture of what was likely going on behind closed doors. 

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I'm sure there were other plate lickers, but Joe really had a bad reputation. Kendra made note of it on their honeymoon episode. She already knew, and they hadn't even lived together! 

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48 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

I'm sure there were other plate lickers, but Joe really had a bad reputation. Kendra made note of it on their honeymoon episode. She already knew, and they hadn't even lived together! 

I could have sworn someone said one of the girls licked plates too. I want to point the finger at Jessa (or Joy?), but I might be completely off in left field with that. 

Edited by Zella

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I didn’t watch the episode but Joe allegedly stated Jessa taught him to lick his plate.

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51 minutes ago, SMama said:

I didn’t watch the episode but Joe allegedly stated Jessa taught him to lick his plate.

Thank you! That's what was clawing around vaguely in my brain. 

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I don't see any of the Duggars having a weird relationship with food and I don't think any of them even thought they were that poor. I'm guessing Jill attributes her need to hide in the bathroom to eat, to having too many greedy siblings rather than her parents struggling with finances. 

If you look back at pictures and early specials, the pantry was always stocked, they had plenty of clothing and the yard was filled with tricycles and bicycles and such. They always had a roof over their heads, cars in the driveway and a big RV to travel in.

Even if they were getting food offerings left on their porch, the kids likely thought they were gifts. All their money saving ways was always attributed to managing a big family as well. And other worldly things that are a sign of financial success, they shunned due to their beliefs - "doing things a little differently".

I'm guessing some of the adult Duggars may be able to look back now, as adults, and realize they lived on much less money, but when they were kids, I don't think they noticed, nor do I think they worried where their next meal was coming from.

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1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

I don't see any of the Duggars having a weird relationship with food and I don't think any of them even thought they were that poor. I'm guessing Jill attributes her need to hide in the bathroom to eat, to having too many greedy siblings rather than her parents struggling with finances. 

If you look back at pictures and early specials, the pantry was always stocked, they had plenty of clothing and the yard was filled with tricycles and bicycles and such. They always had a roof over their heads, cars in the driveway and a big RV to travel in.

Even if they were getting food offerings left on their porch, the kids likely thought they were gifts. All their money saving ways was always attributed to managing a big family as well. And other worldly things that are a sign of financial success, they shunned due to their beliefs - "doing things a little differently".

I'm guessing some of the adult Duggars may be able to look back now, as adults, and realize they lived on much less money, but when they were kids, I don't think they noticed, nor do I think they worried where their next meal was coming from.

I didn’t consider that, but I think you’ve  hit the nail on the head. We’ve seen many examples of the Duggars’ cruel sense of “humor”, always finding laughter at the pain of others. I’m sure that as children, they were all quite mean to each other. I can see Josh, for example, finding it hilarious to taunt his sisters by grabbing food off their plates and cramming it in his mouth or dangling it just beyond their reach. And I can’t see Jim Bob or Michelle caring enough to step in and stop it. 

Edited by Albanyguy
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Interesting that JB & M issued a statement.

The article adds a couple of new items and repeats much of what Jill and Derick have shared, but they're still putting their own spin on it. This quote is very telling, "But in 2017, she made the surprising decision to quietly quit the show." 

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JB is a control freak and Jill is being "disobedient"... I don't know that he'll ever actually forgive her. This must be heartbreaking for Jill. I went through a quasi-estrangement that seems pretty similar to Jill/JB's when I moved away to start my own life as an adult and my mother couldn't accept it (she felt abandoned, jealous, who knows) -- it was extremely painful at the time, but nearly a decade later (and after I spent two years in therapy) our relationship is very strong. I put a LOT of work into it and my mother has changed a bit, too. I hope for Jill's sake that she'll also be able to rebuild her relationship with her father so that it's stronger than ever, it's definitely worth it. But these were NOT easy years and...I dunno, I think Jill would be up for doing that work, but I don't know that JB ever would be.

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39 minutes ago, LoquaciousAudacity said:

Also, this "statement" from Jim Bob and Me-chelle, sounds like there is still a major rift: ""Every family has differences of opinion and perspective at times, but families work things out. We all love Jill, Derick, and their boys very much.  It is our prayer that our relationship is healed and fully restored quickly!"

I think what they mean is that it's fully restored to the prior status quo, where JB and Meech are in control. 

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3 hours ago, Albanyguy said:

I didn’t consider that, but I think you’ve  hit the nail on the head. We’ve seen many examples of the Duggars’ cruel sense of “humor”, always finding laughter at the pain of others. I’m sure that as children, they were all quite mean to each other. I can see Josh, for example, finding it hilarious to taunt his sisters by grabbing food off their plates and cramming it in his mouth or dangling it just beyond their reach. And I can’t see Jim Bob or Michelle caring enough to step in and stop it. 

Quote

"Sometimes," she says, "it's a good thing being okay with other people not being okay."

Boy, does that statement need to be printed on a cocktail napkin and distributed far and wide.   

Interesting that the People article doesn't mention the disputes over money that Derick has repeatedly posted about.  I guess Jill figures its best not to dwell on that, but instead to talk about how their lives were circumscribed by the family and the show.  And, I think she's right, they never would've been able to buy a home away from the compound, nor would Derick have been allowed to attend law school full time, if they'd continued on the show.

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3 minutes ago, rue721 said:

JB is a control freak and Jill is being "disobedient"... I don't know that he'll ever actually forgive her. This must be heartbreaking for Jill. I went through a quasi-estrangement that seems pretty similar to Jill/JB's when I moved away to start my own life as an adult and my mother couldn't accept it (she felt abandoned, jealous, who knows) -- it was extremely painful at the time, but nearly a decade later (and after I spent two years in therapy) our relationship is very strong. I put a LOT of work into it and my mother has changed a bit, too. I hope for Jill's sake that she'll also be able to rebuild her relationship with her father so that it's stronger than ever, it's definitely worth it. But these were NOT easy years and...I dunno, I think Jill would be up for doing that work, but I don't know that JB ever would be.

I do believe JB will work on repairing the relationship. First, because I believe he loves his kids and second because its what is best for his family and his brand.

In Josh's thread we are discussing some what ifs in regard to why he is who he is. I think the same discussion could be had with JB. What would he look like if they hadn't started following Gothard? My thoughts are he'd look very different. I don't think JB is the narcissist others do. I think he is insecure and the Gothard bullshit gave him an opportunity to feel secure, because JB is a follower, a follower of rules and beliefs. The Gothard bullshit also allowed stroking of his insecure ego. JB, Josh and Jessa are very similar.

I think the most likely impediment of repairing the Dillard/Duggar relationship is Derick. Derick is probably a bit like JB was when JB was in his 20s.

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22 hours ago, Tikichick said:

And Jill grew up in the TTH.   Every time I see the place in a photo or onscreen all I can think of is the pervasive stench it likely has.   I give any of them immense props for having any notion about personal or household hygiene and cleanliness because they have had to learn it on their own IMO. 

My daughter roomed with and became good friends in college with someone who was actively blocked from learning about basic household lifeskills by a mentally ill parent actively plotting for ways to stifle her daughter and retain control.   My very particularly tidy daughter at first struggled to understand her friend genuinely didn't have a clue about things my daughter felt an eight year old's common sense could have riddled out.   Once she understood the situation it was a lot easier to put up with the chaotic messes and she was actually able to help her friend learn -- something that continued when they graduated and the friend moved out of state for a job and to make a permanent break with the mother.   My daughter essentially helped steer her friend into what necessities she needed to set up independent housekeeping, what was immediate, what could wait, what pricepoints and quality considerations were important to watch, etc. -- including purchasing clothing she could wear to work because she had dressed in college generally in black jeans, tees and sweats for the most part because she struggled with the concept of color sorting, etc. in doing laundry.   

I think of how crippling things like lack of basic life skills, social skills and education can be to people raised like the Duggars.  Suddenly the idea of Duggar time isn't just weird and ridiculous, but something that can easily derail a person's choices and opportunities in life.    

Your daughter's roommate sounds very much like my friend who grew up fundy- but escaped the lifestyle due to a lot of factors (one of which being a lesbian and knowing she couldn't be quiverfull.)

 

What many of us deem "common sense" really isn't common. I admit being bias assuming that everyone is "raised"- now I always knew some people didn't have parents, but I assumed that someone loved them and raised them (a grandparent, aunt/uncle etc)- tons of adults out in the world weren't "raised"- like knowing how to wash their damn hands properly!

Jill has only been out of the TTH for 6yrs, in the grand scheme of things that is not a lot of time. She is growing and learning. I do have to say that I always saw Jill as a natural empathetic and caring person, I look at how well she instinctually looked after her buddy group. I dont see her as "lazy" the way I do Jessa (remember that diaper mountain) but ill informed. 

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4 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I do believe JB will work on repairing the relationship. First, because I believe he loves his kids and second because its what is best for his family and his brand.

I honestly don't think he has it in him. He's been catered to and has been king of his little fiefdom for decades, and he's developed odd, grandious dreams like founding a "tribe" that lives on his compound. Maybe he was capable of emotional growth years ago...but I don't really think he is now. I doubt he'll ever be able to see things from a perspective other than his own, let alone from Jill's. But for Jill's sake, I also hope that isn't true.

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JB's head must have exploded when he found out Jill & Derrick were getting a small blurb on the cover of People.  

I like the fact that Jill did the photo shoot in her jeans with holes in them--got to make sure everyone sees how "edgy" she's trying to be.  And I like that.  

Good luck to Jill as she navigates this new chapter of her life journey as breaking away from what you knew as a child/adolescent is never, ever easy.

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16 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:
30 minutes ago, rue721 said:

 

I do believe JB will work on repairing the relationship. First, because I believe he loves his kids and second because its what is best for his family and his brand.

In Josh's thread we are discussing some what ifs in regard to why he is who he is. I think the same discussion could be had with JB. What would he look like if they hadn't started following Gothard? My thoughts are he'd look very different. I don't think JB is the narcissist others do. I think he is insecure

I don’t see it happening unless Jill and Derrick crash completely on their own, or there’s a monetary advantage to JB for the reconciliation.

I would also like to say that narcissists are deeply insecure. I’m not sure everyone understands that. In fact I think the disorder is rooted in insecurity. I could go on about this for a while, but it’s probably better for everyone if I refrain.

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39 minutes ago, Genevrier said:

I would also like to say that narcissists are deeply insecure. I’m not sure everyone understands that. In fact I think the disorder is rooted in insecurity. I could go on about this for a while, but it’s probably better for everyone if I refrain.

Yes some narcissists are insecure, but its not a criteria in meeting a diagnosis, nor the root cause. Many folks who aren't narcissists are insecure as well. I understand why he's been labeled a narcissist, but I don't see JB meeting the criteria for a narcissism diagnosis. Narcissists have few friends and are barely tolerated by others and are humbled by nothing. Everything in their world is pervasive, extreme and excessive. A narcissist would not be able to follow the rules of another man like Gothard. A narcissist would not be able to give credit to the Bible. I see traits of conceit, of 'wanna be' and need for some control in JB, but I don't see a true narcissist.

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8 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

I just find it very telling that JB to this day maintains a close relationship with Josh and Anna when it was Josh's behavior that caused the show to be canceled and damaged the Duggar brand. But there's a rift with Jill because she ... wears pants? Had a glass of wine? Cut her hair? 

I am glad that Jessa and Joy seem to be supportive of Jill. 

But he can control Josh. He can’t control Jill and Derrick any more- they are doing their own thing. Josh is still functioning under JB’s umbrella.....so he is accepted no matter how big of an actual fuck up he was. 

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I wonder if Josh serves JB as a cautionary tale as to what happens when you leave the umbrella and get a real job, such as it was. Then Satan built a fortress in his penis, blablabla. 
Good to see Jill go public with her side. 

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6 minutes ago, Scarlett45 said:

But he can control Josh. He can’t control Jill and Derrick any more- they are doing their own thing. Josh is still functioning under JB’s umbrella.....so he is accepted no matter how big of an actual fuck up he was. 

I don't have any personal opinion on this, but I have read that Josh is Michelle's favorite child. If true, that might also account for his remaining solidly in the fold. 

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6 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Yes some narcissists are insecure, but its not a criteria in meeting a diagnosis, nor the root cause. Many folks who aren't narcissists are insecure as well. I understand why he's been labeled a narcissist, but I don't see JB meeting the criteria for a narcissism diagnosis. Narcissists have few friends and are barely tolerated by others and are humbled by nothing. Everything in their world is pervasive, extreme and excessive. A narcissist would not be able to follow the rules of another man like Gothard. A narcissist would not be able to give credit to the Bible. I see traits of conceit, of 'wanna be' and need for some control in JB, but I don't see a true narcissist.

Narcissists are actually good at maintaining the appearance of good relationships. People do eventually sour on them but they can be charming and personable. 

I'm not sure JB is a narcissist. I think he's more like a grifter. He figured out that there's a certain market for a super-large, super-Christian family and knows how to milk that gravy train.

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1 minute ago, Growsonwalls said:

Narcissists are actually good at maintaining the appearance of good relationships. People do eventually sour on them but they can be charming and personable. 

I'm not sure JB is a narcissist. I think he's more like a grifter. He figured out that there's a certain market for a super-large, super-Christian family and knows how to milk that gravy train.

Agree they are initially seen as charming and personable, but relationships don't last for two reasons. Either the narcissist gets offended or no longer has use for someone or the friend of a narcissist sees their true colors and runs for the hills.

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6 hours ago, GeeGolly said:

I don't see any of the Duggars having a weird relationship with food and I don't think any of them even thought they were that poor. I'm guessing Jill attributes her need to hide in the bathroom to eat, to having too many greedy siblings rather than her parents struggling with finances. 

If you look back at pictures and early specials, the pantry was always stocked, they had plenty of clothing and the yard was filled with tricycles and bicycles and such. They always had a roof over their heads, cars in the driveway and a big RV to travel in.

Even if they were getting food offerings left on their porch, the kids likely thought they were gifts. All their money saving ways was always attributed to managing a big family as well. And other worldly things that are a sign of financial success, they shunned due to their beliefs - "doing things a little differently".

I'm guessing some of the adult Duggars may be able to look back now, as adults, and realize they lived on much less money, but when they were kids, I don't think they noticed, nor do I think they worried where their next meal was coming from.

I didn't mean in the sense of them being starved like the Rodrigues kids. But as someone who has a really fucked-up relationship with eating and food that I can trace back to a particular traumatic moment in my childhood and is quite separate from my family's finances (like, I once noped out of a questionnaire on the subject as soon as I started reading the questions because I could tell how badly I was going to score), I just see some parallels in some of what they do, even if I'm not doing the exact same things. To me, the plate licking from multiple siblings, Jill eating in the bathroom, and even Josh's overeating like there is no tomorrow seem to be indicative of something, even if it is just wanting to have some control when they felt like they had no control in their lives. As I've mentioned on here before, I have also wondered about Josie licking things. I used to think that was just because she was a nasty feral child, but then after reading some bios about Chris Farley that talked about how debilitating his compulsion was to lick random objects, I have wondered if there is more to it. 

I never thought Jill was eating in the bathroom because she was poor. I felt like she was eating in the bathroom because she may have been an introvert or just needed some alone time and that was the only way she got it. 

2 hours ago, Jeeves said:

I think what they mean is that it's fully restored to the prior status quo, where JB and Meech are in control. 

I thought the same thing. Also the phrasing makes me think they're not really deeply invested in putting effort into changing the situation beyond praying. 

Edited by Zella
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2 hours ago, Jeeves said:

I think what they mean is that it's fully restored to the prior status quo, where JB and Meech are in control. 

I agree 100%. 

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9 minutes ago, Zella said:

I thought the same thing. Also the phrasing makes me think they're not really deeply invested in putting effort into changing the situation beyond praying. 

And their prayers are all of the Lord-Jesus-please-fix-Jill-and-her-husband-Derick variety.  They are going to admit any fault.

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7 minutes ago, Zella said:

I didn't mean in the sense of them being starved like the Rodrigues kids. But as someone who has a really fucked-up relationship with eating and food that I can trace back to a particular traumatic moment in my childhood and is quite separate from my family's finances (like, I once noped out of a questionnaire on the subject as soon as I started reading the questions because I could tell how badly I was going to score), I just see some parallels in some of what they do, even if I'm not doing the exact same things. To me, the plate licking from multiple siblings, Jill eating in the bathroom, and even Josh's overeating like there is no tomorrow seem to be indicative of something, even if it is just wanting to have some control when they felt like they had no control in their lives. As I've mentioned on here before, I have also wondered about Josie licking things. I used to think that was just because she was a nasty feral child, but then after reading some bios about Chris Farley that talked about how debilitating his compulsion was to lick random objects, I have wondered if there is more to it. 

I never thought Jill was eating in the bathroom because she was poor. I felt like she was eating in the bathroom because she may have been an introvert or just needed some alone time and that was the only way she got it. 

I thought the same thing. Also the phrasing makes me think they're not really deeply invested in putting effort into changing the situation beyond praying. 

I can see what you're saying. But I don't think food was a problem in their family, so there's not a reason to develop problems like the ones mentioned. If they were struggling with eating disorders like bulimia or anorexia, that would make sense, because living in an authoritarian environment can contribute to developing eating disorders. 

I see the kids licking their plates as poor manners. I see Josie licking everything as a developmental thing. It could be she was weaned too soon, or more of a textural thing, like one might see with a child who has autism.

I guess what I'm saying is I don't see a relationship between licking plates, eating in the bathroom and Josie fulfilling some oral need.

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16 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

 

I guess what I'm saying is I don't see a relationship between licking plates, eating in the bathroom and Josie fulfilling some oral need.

Yeah I can understand that! I guess for me, an identifiable eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia would have made more sense for them and me, given my own upbringing, but that's not how my own issues panned out, so it may make me read into things that aren't there with them. 

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3 hours ago, LoquaciousAudacity said:

Jill Duggar Dillard Opens Up About Distancing from Her Family: 'I Never Expected This to Happen'

 

New People article with new pictures. Not a ton of new information, but I found this quote interesting: "I never expected this to happen or for it to get to this point," Jill says. "But I'm realizing I can't put a timeline on healing. I love my family and they love me. I really just have to follow God's lead and take it one day at a time."

Also, this "statement" from Jim Bob and Me-chelle, sounds like there is still a major rift: ""Every family has differences of opinion and perspective at times, but families work things out. We all love Jill, Derick, and their boys very much.  It is our prayer that our relationship is healed and fully restored quickly!"

The pics are good and the boys actually seem happy 

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I think JB's main problem is with Derrick. Derrick keeps bad mouthing JB and revealing financial information concerning the show. Of course he's mad. I can't blame him for that. I don't think he can tolerates Jill and Derrick being less fundie, but not giving away family secrets. 

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On 10/16/2020 at 12:31 PM, GeeGolly said:

Didn't Jill do a similar post with Izzy putting her earrings in? I find that so odd. My kids never once asked me to put in my earrings.

My 4 year old has asked to do this more than once! 

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1 hour ago, Zella said:

I used to think that was just because she was a nasty feral child, but then after reading some bios about Chris Farley that talked about how debilitating his compulsion was to lick random objects, I have wondered if there is more to it. 

What did Chris Farley have to say about it? What do you think was going on with Josie?

51 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

If they were struggling with eating disorders like bulimia or anorexia, that would make sense, because living in an authoritarian environment can contribute to developing eating disorders. 

We don't know if anyone in the family has an eating disorder -- anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, anything. I think it's perfectly fine to keep things like that private, my point is just that absence of evidence =/= evidence of absence.

Edited by rue721
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I agree about the good pictures. The photo of the boys grinning on Derick’s back while Jill smiles at the three of them is the best family photo I’ve ever seen of them. Hope she frames it!

Also, I appreciate every outing her sisters have with her, every coffee Jessa brings her, and every daughter-in-law who wants her at their birth to be a little FU to JimBob and Michelle, and that makes ME smile.

Edited by truebluesmoky
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Damn it why can't we get one article detailing the financial issues? That's the interesting drama. The petty family bullshit resulting from their nonsense beliefs is so boring in comparison.

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Apparently, this article is a palate cleanser for a more in depth article coming out on Friday. 

And it looks like Derelict wants to take the bar next July. He's already in prep mode.

 

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6 hours ago, Growsonwalls said:

I just find it very telling that JB to this day maintains a close relationship with Josh and Anna when it was Josh's behavior that caused the show to be canceled and damaged the Duggar brand. But there's a rift with Jill because she ... wears pants? Had a glass of wine? Cut her hair? 

I suspect that ever since he was fired by FRC and ran back home to the TTH in disgrace, Josh has been exceptionally meek and conciliatory: "Yes, Daddy...I'm sorry, Daddy...whatever you think is best, Daddy" and that keeps him in Jim Bob's good graces. Nothing a narcissistic control freak loves more that a sniveling ass-kisser. Also, Josh is one of Michelle's favorites, perhaps the only child she truly loves. Even if Jim Bob wanted to disown Josh, she would never permit it. 

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I love that Jill is featured in People! She looks great. I agree with the poster above that the family one should be framed. 
 

stay strong Jill! Don’t let your family guilt you into doing anything you don’t want to do. Trust me, your silent siblings are cheering you on and wishing they had the strength to do what you are doing!!

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3 minutes ago, wait.what said:

I love that Jill is featured in People! She looks great. I agree with the poster above that the family one should be framed. 
 

stay strong Jill! Don’t let your family guilt you into doing anything you don’t want to do. Trust me, your silent siblings are cheering you on and wishing they had the strength to do what you are doing!!

She looks 1000% better than any TLC/People Promo for the rest of her fam, they put effort into making her look good! 
 

After seeing the family photo no doubt Sam is the cutest Duggar grandbaby!

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6 hours ago, dariafan said:

The pics are good and the boys actually seem happy 

They look more "normal" than Jinger and Jeremy. Good for Jill! She has realized you don't need to pop out a baby a year just because you can, you need to be able to more than just physically. With that pressure off, they can enjoy their boys and each other. 

Yea, Josh is weeping into his burgers right now as Anna will try for #7.  Enjoy those burgers, that is the only escape you got. 

Edited by libgirl2
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3 hours ago, emmawoodhouse said:

Apparently, this article is a palate cleanser for a more in depth article coming out on Friday. 

And it looks like Derelict wants to take the bar next July. He's already in prep mode.

 

This runs from $2,000-$4,000.

 

 

Jill’s comment on the post:

3BC6E5B4-1C1E-42B5-89C4-802703180644.jpeg

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Who started school first? Derick or Jeremy? (well, we all know Ben did, but, ya, whatever) Is Derick finishing three years of school quicker than Jeremy is finishing two?

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10 hours ago, doodlebug said:

I think that is EXACTLY what they mean.  JB and Meechelle are not interested in relationships with their children as autonomous adults.

I don't think they even know their kids ARE autonomous people.  They are just a massive group that needs to be led and controlled. 

From their generic birthday greetings "You are a great person with a godly heart for doing god's work" to their inability to really articulate a single fact about each child, these are parents who don't know their children and have a very distant relationship.

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Scarlett45

If your post is not PRIMARILY about the Duggars, it will be removed. Please stick to the topic or take it to Small Talk, thank you.

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