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Chris Knight

Jill & Derick Dullard: Counting On (Donations)

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40 minutes ago, Albanyguy said:

I agree and I feel the same way about the theory that Derick's father's death resulted in an enormous insurance payout. I'm sure there was some insurance, but not enough to support them all for years. 

Yes, I also suspect whatever insurance resulting from Derick's dad was used up quite some time ago. 

Edited by Zella
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Regarding the gas post, to me more than anything, it's a low key way for Jill to reinforce she is still on Derick's side in the shit fight with her family because he's still #besthubbyever in her eyes.

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Well shit, my #besthubbyever is making dinner in the other room. Should I run and snap a pic?

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53 minutes ago, hathorlive said:

Heck, I would take someone topping off my tank.  I'm also auditioning people to put air in my tires and to wash my car.  In exchange, I have a great income, a awesome condo, and am double jointed.  It's nice that Jill has someone to do little things for her.  We all need a little kindness in our lives.

I would like to apply.  I have a great (read, my husband's) income, a mediocre townhouse, and I'm also double jointed.  I will eagerly await a favorable reply while munching on banana bread and coffee.

Sincerely,
Six
cc:  Jebus 

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Just now, sixlets said:

I would like to apply.  I have a great (read, my husband's) income, a mediocre townhouse, and I'm also double jointed.  I will eagerly await a favorable reply while munching on banana bread and coffee.

Sincerely,
Six
cc:  Jebus 

My mother keeps telling me to work harder on finding a husband who is contractually obligated to do that stuff and stop hiring people.  I usually date the ones who don't do anything and drain my will to live.  Surely there's a man out there for hire by the hour??

That said, Jill.  People in your life are supposed to be nice and do thoughtful things. I'm sure her brothers never did anything for anyone in their lives, which is why she thinks it's noteworthy.  

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5 minutes ago, hathorlive said:

 I'm sure her brothers never did anything for anyone in their lives, which is why she thinks it's noteworthy.  

Seeing as how they all seem to just sit like knots on a log while their sisters do the wimmin's work, I'd say this is probably very accurate. I think all the Duggar girls have pretty low standards for consideration and thoughtfulness based on how they were treated at home. 😞

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40 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

I don’t get this. In a normal family, are you really in a car together that much? If you both work, you’re usually in your car alone, and apart most of the day. Maybe if you’re going out to eat and it happens to be low, or going somewhere on the weekend, it could work, but what happens if Jill is driving the boys to Chick-fil-A and sees that she’s almost out of gas? What would she do? Certainly she faced this crisis when she drove to derick’s work, alone, multiple times a day?

Now now @Christina87 - you are making way too much sense for them 😀

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I view it a different way. I think Jill is obviously struggling a lot with motherhood and adulting. Very often depression manifests itself in being unable to do very basic life maintenance stuff like, you know, keeping the gas tank full in your car. I think Derick might  be "showing" her these basic things like making sure the tank is full before you get in the car, and also making sure she's not getting in the car without any gas. His goal: getting her to remember to do these things on her own. Her goal: getting likes on Instagram over this post.

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I think Derrick puts gas in the car because as headship he controls the money, and because he also keeps track of how many miles Jill puts on the car.  He seems like a control freak to me. 

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52 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Well shit, my #besthubbyever is making dinner in the other room. Should I run and snap a pic?

Definitely, cause there are days id LOVE for someone to make dinner at my house. 
My #besthubbyever does do the dishes, so I shouldn’t complain. 

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Just now, Abmis said:

I think Derrick puts gas in the car because as headship he controls the money, and because he also keeps track of how many miles Jill puts on the car.  He seems like a control freak to me. 

This is what I was thinking, too.

The stuff we've been seeing lately about Jill separating from her family is stuff we applaud, but isolating a woman from her family is classic behavior of an abusive spouse.

Putting gas in the car for her might be just a nice thing he does for her, or it might be him monitoring the number of miles she drives and comparing that with her narrative of how she says she spends her days.

I hope it's all innocent, but it could be something more serious.

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10 minutes ago, Sew Sumi said:

I imagine that Jill is overly transparent about how she spends her days. I seriously doubt Derelict is checking her odometer every Sunday when he gasses up her SUV. Now, how much agency Jill has in choosing her activities is anyone's best guess. But I have no doubt that Derelict gets a detailed run-down of each day at the dinner table.

I agree. I think it's far more likely that Derick has to encourage Jill to go out and do more on her own, and that Jill tells him - in excruciating detail - about every moment of her day.

Just because Jill is submissive and easy to control, though, doesn't mean that Derick isn't controlling.

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On 1/18/2020 at 4:10 PM, BigBingerBro said:

I'm not denying the fact that whatever they did at the library was something those boys needed, but it irritates that Jill equates going to the library with a "play" activity.  We've seen it before.  I doubt they are allowed to check out books.  I don't like to insert personal stories with my comments, but when I was their age, I learned that first and foremost, the library was a place for reading, to be quiet and respectful.  Sure times have changed and they were at a special program, it just irritates me personally.

Yeah, it's... not that anymore, in the overwhelming majority of public libraries.  (Source:  Master of Library Science degree granted 2016) . They call this, "Library 2.0", because nobody can be bothered to tell their kids that any public place should be quiet anymore; or that anyone should put down their cell phones.  The goal is then to get people "using" the library, which they weren't doing anymore when it was the stuffy source of "SHHHHHHHHH!"s and mean looks.  Nowadays, this method of getting butts in library seats is done with Story Time, DVD lending, 3D printers, Starbucks (!), my local library was advertising a teen Wii tournament a few years back, etc., etc.  As somebody who can't concentrate with extraneous noise anywhere, I pay an annual fee for membership to an academic library.

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1 hour ago, Zella said:

Regarding the gas post, to me more than anything, it's a low key way for Jill to reinforce she is still on Derick's side in the shit fight with her family because he's still #besthubbyever in her eyes.

She LITERALLY has no choice but to be "on his side".  She got sucked into the whole Covenant Marriage scam.  

No choice.  He's hers for LIFE.  Again, there is NO other option for her.  Making those statements meaningless.  

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3 minutes ago, leighdear said:

She LITERALLY has no choice but to be "on his side".  She got sucked into the whole Covenant Marriage scam.  

No choice.  He's hers for LIFE.  Again, there is NO other option for her.  Making those statements meaningless.  

Jill was one of the earliest marriages. Her younger siblings have married people slightly more mainstream than Derick. I’ve often wondered if she’d married after her siblings if she would have chosen someone more mainstream too and would she have agreed to the covenant marriage. 🤷‍♀️

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11 minutes ago, leighdear said:

She LITERALLY has no choice but to be "on his side".  She got sucked into the whole Covenant Marriage scam.  

No choice.  He's hers for LIFE.  Again, there is NO other option for her.  Making those statements meaningless.  

She could just not say anything. That's an option, so I think the fact she did say something does mean something. 🤷‍♀️

Edited by Zella
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9 minutes ago, Namaste said:

Jill was one of the earliest marriages. Her younger siblings have married people slightly more mainstream than Derick. I’ve often wondered if she’d married after her siblings if she would have chosen someone more mainstream too and would she have agreed to the covenant marriage. 🤷‍♀️

None of her younger siblings married someone more mainstream except maybe Jinger. The boys all married women who were just as fundie as they are. Lauren, Anna, Abbie all have IBLP connections.  Kendra is definitely fundie. Austin also has a strong background in IBLP. Ben was raised as part of the Vision Forum. Around the time Vision Forum collapsed, he and Jessa married. A couple of his sisters have made a break for it, but they were definitely fundie/fundie-lite. 

Jeremy and Derick were both raised more mainstream than any other in-laws. Also I believe the covenant marriage was the Duggars' idea not anyone else's. I don't know how it works if she changes states. I get the sense a good lawyer could break such an agreement if necessary. It wouldn't surprise me if the younger siblings had covenant marriages too, but didn't brag as much. Either that or since all the recent marriages have been within the cult, JB ain't worried about any of them leaving. 

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6 minutes ago, Temperance said:

None of her younger siblings married someone more mainstream except maybe Jinger. The boys all married women who were just as fundie as they are. Lauren, Anna, Abbie all have IBLP connections.  Kendra is definitely fundie. Austin also has a strong background in IBLP. Ben was raised as part of the Vision Forum. Around the time Vision Forum collapsed, he and Jessa married. A couple of his sisters have made a break for it, but they were definitely fundie/fundie-lite. 

Jeremy and Derick were both raised more mainstream than any other in-laws. Also I believe the covenant marriage was the Duggars' idea not anyone else's. I don't know how it works if she changes states. I get the sense a good lawyer could break such an agreement if necessary. It wouldn't surprise me if the younger siblings had covenant marriages too, but didn't brag as much. Either that or since all the recent marriages have been within the cult, JB ain't worried about any of them leaving. 

Yes, and contrary to how it is being presented, a covenant marriage does not make divorce impossible and doom you to marriage for life. 🙄 It makes it harder, but it hardly makes it a life sentence. If Jill really wanted to divorce Derick, she could. 

Edited by Zella
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but if Derick or Jill wanted a divorce all he/she would have to do is establish residency in one of the 44 or whatever states that does not have a covenant marriage option and file for divorce?  

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Just now, Ohiopirate02 said:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if Derick or Jill wanted a divorce all he/she would have to do is establish residency in one of the 44 or whatever states that does not have a covenant marriage option and file for divorce?  

I'm sure that would be an option, but if they are separated for 2-2.5 years in Arkansas, she could file for divorce in the state. 

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1 minute ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but if Derick or Jill wanted a divorce all he/she would have to do is establish residency in one of the 44 or whatever states that does not have a covenant marriage option and file for divorce?  

That's how I understand it. 

And it's 47 states. 😁

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2 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

Derick probably is the most mainstream of any of the in-laws. We might not like him but he went to a public high school, a public university, and is getting a law degree at another public university. His family goes to a fairly mainstream Baptist church in Arkansas. Derick's mother lives a fairly mainstream life -- short hair, pants, works for a living. 

Yes, his upbringing was actually more mainstream than even Jeremy since Jeremy was homeschooled until high school. 

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32 minutes ago, Namaste said:

Jill was one of the earliest marriages. Her younger siblings have married people slightly more mainstream than Derick. I’ve often wondered if she’d married after her siblings if she would have chosen someone more mainstream too and would she have agreed to the covenant marriage. 🤷‍♀️

ETA: oops, posted and saw all the responses similar. 
I don’t think her siblings except for Jinger, have married anyone more mainstream.  Derrick is the only one with a regular, crappy job delivering Grubhub, he has a college degree from a large public university, and is now in law school in a large public university. I actually think that after Jill, JB tightened up the screws and the spouses of the younger ones come from families that are committed to the JB ideology. Ben could perhaps have guided Jessa to break out of her Gothard cave, but JB tied him down and made them VERY dependent on JB. 

Edited by Mojitogirl
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I don’t see it as controlling, I see it as she’s not responsible enough to do it her self and he is looking out for her.  He may be a douche canoe, but I feel he does love her.    Jill is just so clueless at life.  And as a person who suffers from anxiety and depression I understand those feelings. 

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On 1/18/2020 at 2:20 PM, BigBingerBro said:

"the library to play" really irritates me.  

 Most libraries have large kids sections with numerous toys meant for kids to play...I take my daughter to the library to play all the time!! 

Edited by yogi2014L
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11 minutes ago, Mojitogirl said:

 I actually think that after Jill, JB tightened up the screws and the spouses of the younger ones come from families that are committed to the JB ideology. 

Yeah, that obviously never worked for Jeremy.  He is most definitely on a very different path from the JB way, though he may have pretended at the beginning to buy into their cult.  

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I guess I didn’t express my thoughts clearly. Unlike the rest of her siblings, Jill married a guy she met online and spent two weeks hanging around with in Nepal along with JB. He was actively working as a missionary in Nepal, hadn’t showered or had a haircut in god knows how long (not criticizing, just saying). Their initial contact was a lot of texting bible verses to each other. Her siblings married people who lived/worked in the US, lived more common US fundie lifestyle (except Jer), courted in a more normal fashion, and had access to showers. There is a difference. That is all I’m saying. 

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20 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

Derick probably is the most mainstream of any of the in-laws. We might not like him but he went to a public high school, a public university, and is getting a law degree at another public university. His family goes to a fairly mainstream Baptist church in Arkansas. Derick's mother lives a fairly mainstream life -- short hair, pants, works for a living. 

Don’t forget pushing 30 and still wearing his high school letter jacket.

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3 minutes ago, leighdear said:

Yeah, that obviously never worked for Jeremy.  He is most definitely on a very different path from the JB way, though he may have pretended at the beginning to buy into their cult.  

With the mooching off of other people and affiliation with an extremist seminary, I'd say Jeremy is a lot more similar to JB than he ever wants to admit. 

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17 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

Don’t forget pushing 30 and still wearing his high school letter jacket.

Didn’t he turn thirty a while ago?

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3 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Didn’t he turn thirty a while ago?

 He’s over 30? Oh dear, that makes it so much more pathetic. 

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19 hours ago, leighdear said:

She got sucked into the whole Covenant Marriage scam.  

No choice.  He's hers for LIFE.  Again, there is NO other option for her.  Making those statements meaningless.  

She or he could still get a divorce.  It just takes moving to another state or waiting it out, and getting some counseling.  

Scary thought occurred to me this weekend and I'm not sure why it took me years to see it.  Israel turns 5 next spring which means he's the same year for starting public kindergarten as my granddaughter.  They act about three years different in development!  I guess that's the difference in being home schooled by Jill and two years of Montessori.  

Edited by Absolom
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Honestly all of the Duggars' SM run into the same issue: for wannabe influencers their lives just aren't interesting enough to provide the steady stream of content necessarily to be an "influencer." They don't do much. They don't have much interesting to say. They're totally separated from any pop culture events -- no movie reviews, no concert pictures. None of them seem to be animal people so we don't even get cute puppy/kitten pix. So what we get is ... Derick pumping gas. 

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7 hours ago, Absolom said:

She or he could still get a divorce.  It just takes moving to another state, waiting it out, and getting some counseling.  

Scary thought occurred to me this weekend and I'm not sure why it took me years to see it.  Israel turns 5 next spring which means he's the same year for starting public kindergarten as my granddaughter.  They act about three years different in development!  I guess that's the difference in being home schooled by Jill and two years of Montessori.  

I'm kind of hoping Jill ends up sending them to a nearby Christian school. I actually think it would be a great fit for Jill to get a job as a classroom aid at an early learning program and use the discount and her pay to enroll the boys. She seemed to do pretty well in a large group setting where she was in charge of specific tasks. She struggles with being in charge of everything all day at home, though.

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16 hours ago, ginger90 said:

 

Is this one of the many things that makes Jill anxious? 
ETA: I’m being serious. 

Edited by kokapetl · Reason: I’m being serious
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10 hours ago, Mojitogirl said:

ETA: oops, posted and saw all the responses similar. 
I don’t think her siblings except for Jinger, have married anyone more mainstream.  Derrick is the only one with a regular, crappy job delivering Grubhub, he has a college degree from a large public university, and is now in law school in a large public university. I actually think that after Jill, JB tightened up the screws and the spouses of the younger ones come from families that are committed to the JB ideology. Ben could perhaps have guided Jessa to break out of her Gothard cave, but JB tied him down and made them VERY dependent on JB. 

I've wondered that about Derick and Jeremy both causing JB to tighten the screws. He anticipated they'd tow the line and let him dictate their lives. Derick did for awhile before going off the rails and Jeremy never really did but JB can't really do anything about it because their still doing the show and fans love Jinger. Since then everyone after Jeremy seems to young, meek, or too likely to just go along with whatever JB wants and not rock the boat. Its hard to imagine Kendra, Lauren or Abbie putting their foot down or anything. Austin doesn't seem to like it but he seems to just go along with it. I doubt that's an accident. 

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1 hour ago, Lisa418722 said:

I would be appreciative if someone would fill my car up for me.  I'll even pay.

Well, if you live in Oregon or New Jersey, state laws will prevent you from filling your own tank.  In fact, I've never filled a gas tank.  

Every time I travel out of state, I'm not allowed to do it.  I can get the gas cap off, but as soon as I ask the attendant or another customer if I need to do anything else other than put the nozzle in the hole and press the lever, I get funny looks.  I tell them I'm from Oregon and have never pumped gas before.  They fall over themselves to do it for me.  They always say that they don't want me to break my record, but sometimes I wonder if they think I just can't handle it.  

I've even had attendants grab my money out of my hand and run inside to pay for me, returning with my change and a receipt.  That sucks when I was intending to go inside to use the restroom or buy a snack, but they always look so proud and happy, I just give them a tip and go somewhere else for that other stuff.

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1 hour ago, andromeda331 said:

I've wondered that about Derick and Jeremy both causing JB to tighten the screws. He anticipated they'd tow the line and let him dictate their lives. Derick did for awhile before going off the rails and Jeremy never really did but JB can't really do anything about it because their still doing the show and fans love Jinger. Since then everyone after Jeremy seems to young, meek, or too likely to just go along with whatever JB wants and not rock the boat. Its hard to imagine Kendra, Lauren or Abbie putting their foot down or anything. Austin doesn't seem to like it but he seems to just go along with it. I doubt that's an accident. 

Back when Josh was the only married Duggarling, and three or four of his sisters were 20 or older and unmarried, I speculated that JB was resisting marrying them off for a few reasons.

First, the older J'slaves were an essential source of household labor since the next younger bunch were males and thus useless around the house. So JB wanted to let the Lost Girls get closer to useful J'slave ages before letting go of the Jana-to-Joy group.

Also, JB obviously got off on hauling the whole group of kids around for appearances, and marrying them off could break up the set. Especially the daughters, since technically they would be under new headships. With Josh married, they could sort of toss in his obedient bride, but adding more spouses would get awkward.

These days I also think that despite JB's high opinion of himself, his daughters weren't generating marital interest in young men he thought desirable. And I'll give him this, I don't think he forced any daughter to marry a man she didn't want to. There were some public comments, maybe in THs on the show, about guys who were interested but just not okay. I got the idea they would have said "creepy," but were being careful with their comments. Also, he may have expected to marry them off neatly in order of age, and nobody was appealing to Jana. 

So eventually, JB had four daughters in their 20's and not yet married - which is old maid status in fundiedom. Ben and Derick came knocking at the door, and then Jinger met Jeremy via the Seewalds. I absolutely agree that JB expected his sons-in-law to toe his line, although by the time Jinger married Jeremy I think JB was having his doubts about that one. 

I think the way Jill's and Jinger's marriages have worked out is just evidence that JB's idea that if he just indoctrinates his kids with the right doctrines and controls their lives enough, their lives and marriages and everything will go according to his (JB's) plan - is wrong. He's not the first, nor will be be the last, control freak who lives to learn that he's not God, nor is he above the rest of us by knowing exactly what God wants. (Which is often, quite conveniently, what JB wants, but that's a bigger discussion.) 

OTOH he picked out, as noted, nice girls from fundie families for his sons, and they're no more likely to rock the boat than the Duggar sons are. And Ben seems to be keeping quiet and sticking to the Duggar line so far, while Austin is from a thoroughly Gothard/fundie family and I'm sure JB is very smug about the success of that dynastic union. 

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17 hours ago, leighdear said:

Yeah, that obviously never worked for Jeremy.  He is most definitely on a very different path from the JB way, though he may have pretended at the beginning to buy into their cult.  

I think Jeremy is on a parallel path as JB. He was older and more worldly, so instead of his family submitting to JB like the others he is the ultimate authority over Jinger and Felicity. Derick and Jill only broke away when Derick decided the cons outweighed to pros under JB. However, I think he is a lot less controlling than Jeremy. Jinger's public life is all a facade to facilitate Jeremy's desire to be a modern Christian influencer. Derick seems to accept Jill as she is, allowing her to grow at her own pace.

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Maybe Derick decided to go to law school so he has a leg up on getting out of his covenant marriage.  I have a feeling he spends most of his time thinking he has three kids.  Jill appears to be...a lot.  A lot of work, effort, and just a lot.  She's a fragile human being, and that's through no fault of her own.  Between the way she was raised and the molestation, she didn't have a fighting chance, and that just sucks.

I can see JB regretting "allowing" Jill to marry Derick at this point.  He was semi-mainstream, he had an education, and just more life experience.  He had to tighten the list of who could marry in after Derick.  He couldn't take another chance that someone could open up one of the other kids' mind.  JB needs to be in control.  I think he met his match with Derick to an extent, and he can't handle the thought of 'losing' another kid, even though they are just a number.  Regardless of what is happening between JB & D, Sam & Izzy (and to an extent, Jill) are the ones suffering.

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I doubt JB is suffering. He's the one imposing rules on Jill that don't exist for any other adult child. Jill, OTOH, is suffering. She's into self-help to get her through the fact that she's been essentially shunned by her family. 

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Catching up here. My phone died and I couldn't remember my login info. Too much fun around here.

Jill.. That dress... Ewww. Looks OK from the waist up. But that's all. To the poster who said the grass in that picture is dead. It's not dead. Just dormant for winter. 

The boys looked like they were having fun in the little snow that fell. 

I'm glad Jill is taking them to the library. They need it. 

Wonderful they get to spend time with grandma. My kids love it when grandma comes. Since we're easier to get to now, she's coming more often. She's their only grandparent, and makes the most of it. I've got pics of her reading to them, just like Cathy is. 

While it's nice of Deertick to fill her tank for her, it's not Instagram worthy. 

I feel bad for Jill being shunned by the rest of the family. Asshole JimBlob. 

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I mean...JB deserves whatever he gets out of Derick.  He basically found him, passed him off to Jill by strongly suggesting they talk (I still think Jana politely declined), and arranged it so that they could leap frog past Jessa and Ben every step of the way because he thought he was better than the Seewalds and wanted to control Benessa.  He thought Derick would continue to worship him and fall in line but he didn’t factor in Derick’s ego.  It would be amusing if Jill wasn’t suffering because of it. This is why we can’t have nice things. 

Edited by Spencer Hastings
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I see JB as a goofy guy who found a set a "faith based" rules to follow and has a wife who enforces them.

I'm not sure JB (or Michelle) has kept Jill from their home. I'm guessing they have kept Derick away. Derick saying Jill had to get permission to go to the TTH to help out Jessa was probably about him and not Jill. Maybe he needed to give her a ride because one of their cars weren't working. It's not like Derick has a record of truthfulness.

Even if Derick is telling near (or complete) truths about the Duggar parents, he's doing it on social media, so If I was JB and M, I wouldn't feel comfortable with Derick coming to my home until we came to some sort of understanding with each other.

I'll be curious to see what Derick says, if and when he addresses the 'TTH ban' at a later date on SM. He has a history of changing up his stories. 

Even if Jill is onboard with Derick's feelings about her parents, I agree with you all, it's likely hard for her. One of the reasons many folks keep their head in the sand in regard to toxic environments is because there is a plethora of uncomfortable emotions and decisions that come with the alternative.

If you think about it, it doesn't really matter if Jill is breaking, or being forced away from the Duggars, because Derick is just as hateful as they are.

Quietly sending robocalls to deny trans folks rights or calling a trans female he on SM. They're both awful.
 

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Aethera

If your post is not PRIMARILY about the Duggars, it will be removed. Please stick to the topic or take it to Small Talk, thank you.

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