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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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5 hours ago, Totally said:

Have I missed something? Apart from Jessa attempting to be relatable photos, I haven’t seen filth in photos, is it the TTH that is manky?

 

4 hours ago, Higgins said:

I don’t see filth either. 

I may have jumbled the nastiness of Jessa's and Jill's houses with the TTH in my rant, but I still stand by the accusation about chaos. 

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On 12/28/2019 at 9:24 PM, mynextmistake said:

Jill, Jessa, Jana and Joy all live within easy driving distance of one another but except for family events like births and parties there’s little evidence on their social media that they spend time together. I wonder how much the members of this family actually like each other.

Well Jill was the one snitching on her siblings growing up, Jessa (?) was the brat and the one Jana had to give her treasured items to in order to prove that she was godly and Joy was a lot younger. When you look at the dynamics like that, it makes sense that they aren't particularly close.

Jana was/is probably closest to her twin, she likely would've been closer to Jill if she wasn't a snitch. When we see Jana looking the most authentically happy, she's either by herself, with Laura or with JD/Abbie.

Jinger and Jessa have always been close with each other and again, Jill being a snitch would have meant they didn't want to spend too much time with her. Joy grew up alongside the howlers and was a big tomboy. 

Jill I think likely focused all of her energy on her buddy group. She probably wanted to please her parents by being their ideal daughter and that meant being the best mothersister she could be. That makes for loneliness now though, because she could probably really use one of the older sisters to talk to about things and the relationship just isn't there. 

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1 minute ago, Zella said:

Following @MyPeopleAreNordic's lead, Derick and Jill, if you're reading, the community college in Bentonville, NWACC, is also an option. https://www.nwacc.edu/ *hint hint*

I really do think you're so right that "living well not under JB's thumb" is the best revenge. More so than hissy fits on Instagram or even a tell-all book. 

They can do both. 🙂 Heck, I'd buy two copies of the book if Jill was pursuing education/career while the boys were in school.

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3 hours ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

Jill started doing adult education to get a GED

 I believe she already has one. More’s the pity of course.  I do support her going to nursing school, though that would be very hard for her. While I think she could handle it intellectually, assuming she works on her mind a bit, she would have to admit that her current certification is basically useless and puts women in undue danger.

 

 Since she doesn’t really have to work, maybe she could expand her mind a bit with just some general studies or a liberal arts agree, and then go back for a ba in some other topic later on. 

Edited by JoanArc
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13 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

 I believe she already has one. More’s the pity of course.  I do support her going to nursing school, though that would be very hard for her. While I think she could handle it intellectually, assuming she works on her mind a bit, she would have to admit that her current certification is basically useless and puts women in undue danger.

 

 Since she doesn’t really have to work, maybe she could expand her mind a bit with just some general studies or a liberal arts agree, and then go back for a ba in some other topic later on. 

I hope she can do something...but I doubt it...we know a Gothard family...the oldest girl is 32...and she has 2 degrees...she just cannot function outside of the family dynamic she was trained in..she is back at home and her sole dream is to marry a scottish man and move to scotland...it is so very sad...she only feels secure in her parents home and the unrealistic expectation that she is going to meet her scottish dream boat...is...well...unrealistic....

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3 minutes ago, Dimi1 said:

I hope she can do something...but I doubt it...we know a Gothard family...the oldest girl is 32...and she has 2 degrees...she just cannot function outside of the family dynamic she was trained in..she is back at home and her sole dream is to marry a scottish man and move to scotland...it is so very sad...she only feels secure in her parents home and the unrealistic expectation that she is going to meet her scottish dream boat...is...well...unrealistic....

 That’s a highly specific fantasy. Maybe she could, I don’t know, move to Scotland and try to meet a man? 

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7 minutes ago, Dimi1 said:

I hope she can do something...but I doubt it...we know a Gothard family...the oldest girl is 32...and she has 2 degrees...she just cannot function outside of the family dynamic she was trained in..she is back at home and her sole dream is to marry a scottish man and move to scotland...it is so very sad...she only feels secure in her parents home and the unrealistic expectation that she is going to meet her scottish dream boat...is...well...unrealistic....

I was about to ask if she was an Outlander fan, but then realized the novels and show would defraud the hell out of a Gothardite. Maybe she has a secret stash of them under her bed, lol. 

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On 12/31/2019 at 12:34 PM, Albanyguy said:

I'm not sure they even knew that much. I think it's just as likely that they were kept completely in the dark. I can see Jim Bob and Michelle forbidding their daughters from telling, reminding Jill and Jessa that the molestations were as much their fault as Josh's and warning them that Ben and Derick would regard them as "damaged goods" if they found out. At that point, protecting the TV show was Jim Bob's greatest concern and how could he take a chance that either Derick or Ben wouldn't bolt and then let the cat out of the bag? I think the husbands were kept on a need-to-know basis and didn't find out about the molestations until right before the news broke in the media.

I'm sure that Derrick and Ben knew nothing about the molestations until just before the story broke. There was some Duggar special, a live "tell-all" end-of-season thing.  There was a LOT of awkwardness and tension. Jill was there, with Israel,  but Derrick wasn't. Jill looked uncomfortable and... brittle. Michelle went to lift Izzy out of the carseat in front of Jill, looked up at her and kind of nervously and asked her permission.  I think they had found out about the upcoming reveal and THAT'S when Derrick learned about it all. And he was pissed, whether at being kept in the dark or the way the situation was handled, don't know. 

On 12/31/2019 at 1:50 PM, GeeGolly said:

I guess I have a different view of JB & M. I see a gullible young couple who fell into a cult after seeing the wrong MD for Michelle's miscarriage. I don't see a calculating evil couple who set out to damage their kids.

I see a couple who are shitty parents, following some shitty beliefs. JB is definitely an opportunist who tries to make a buck with the least amount of effort. However, when the family was highlighted after his failed run for office, reality TV shows featuring families weren't even a thing. No one, not even JB, could have fathomed they'd still be on TV.

I don't find it odd JB & M didn't tell interviewers or TLC about the molestations. Most folks don't openly share family trauma. I don't think they kept the molestations private because they thought TLC wouldn't continue to film them. I think not sharing it probably was due to shame, guilt, embarrassment and compassion for the girls.

I can't imagine why JB and M would tell TLC anything about what happened/ was happening. Why would they jeopardize their ministry opportunity over something that was not uncommon amongst their acquaintance, was handled within the family and their church community. I also don't think their reticence had anything to do with compassion. They were building a following and a reputation as an upstanding, godly, Christian family and the TLC opportunity was lucrative. (TLC also has quite a history of doing very little in terms of due diligence when selecting their tv families, so they probably wouldn't have asked. )

Alice, whoever she was, knew what shit had gone down and was watching as this family was lauded as a glorious example of wholesome Christian morality. That would rankle if you knew they were fake. Again, I don't think actions were taken out of interest for the wellbeing of the victims, but to reveal the hypocrisy of Jim Bob and MOTY (JB's campaign position on incest and sexual abuse could make anyone in the know really angry. )

I don't think JB tells anyone anything unless there's something in it for him. He'd have no reason to share the molestations with a cash cow or potential in-law. 

Edited by mimionthebeach
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2 hours ago, Dimi1 said:

I hope she can do something...but I doubt it...we know a Gothard family...the oldest girl is 32...and she has 2 degrees...she just cannot function outside of the family dynamic she was trained in..she is back at home and her sole dream is to marry a scottish man and move to scotland...it is so very sad...she only feels secure in her parents home and the unrealistic expectation that she is going to meet her scottish dream boat...is...well...unrealistic....

Is there scottishfarmer.com? Or scottishdreamboat.com?

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2 hours ago, JoanArc said:

 That’s a highly specific fantasy. Maybe she could, I don’t know, move to Scotland and try to meet a man? 

oh she goes there as much as she can..she works enough to save money and then heads over there...

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I don't think Jill being the snitch as a child factors into her lack of closeness with the sisters as an adult. I think it's more like her fall from grace as a favored child led to isolation from her family and the other sisters fall in line as they don't want to anger JB. I think it's sad but I don;t see her sisters having the spunk or critical thinking skills to question why JB has exiled Jill so much or to reach out. All of them are still dependent on TLC. 

I also think Jill might be taking a SM hiatus. She hasn't posted anything in over a week.

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4 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

I don't think Jill being the snitch as a child factors into her lack of closeness with the sisters as an adult. I think it's more like her fall from grace as a favored child led to isolation from her family and the other sisters fall in line as they don't want to anger JB. I think it's sad but I don;t see her sisters having the spunk or critical thinking skills to question why JB has exiled Jill so much or to reach out. All of them are still dependent on TLC. 

I also think Jill might be taking a SM hiatus. She hasn't posted anything in over a week.

If there is little to no income from SM, the Dullards need to just stop!  Won't happen because of the need to feel love from strangers.  😬😡

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8 minutes ago, Growsonwalls said:

I don't think Jill being the snitch as a child factors into her lack of closeness with the sisters as an adult. I think it's more like her fall from grace as a favored child led to isolation from her family and the other sisters fall in line as they don't want to anger JB. I think it's sad but I don;t see her sisters having the spunk or critical thinking skills to question why JB has exiled Jill so much or to reach out. All of them are still dependent on TLC. 

I also think Jill might be taking a SM hiatus. She hasn't posted anything in over a week.

My own read on this is that none of the siblings are especially close, and that's by design.

Gothard has a whole playbook that's built around the idea of huge families and complete control over the children. If the children are close, they'll discuss things with each other that they don't discuss with their parents -- the seeds of rebellion can form. The entire family dynamic is built around a framework of snitches and tattling. 

JB and J'chelle talk all the time about how "close" their children are, but I don't believe it for a minute. I think they just say it over and over, and the kids have no frame of reference to determine if it's true or not, so they just parrot back that they're "close" with no clue what that might mean.

The only people outside of her buddy group that Jill might have been allowed to be "close" to are Jana, Jessa, and Jinger. Jessa had dibs on Jinger and she seems like a mean girl who would get pleasure out of excluding Jill. I think that Jana's been completely emotionally shut down since she was first shipped off to JTTH more than 15 years ago, so I don't see much room for bonding there, either.

I agree with @Growsonwalls that all of the rest of the pack knows which way the wind is blowing at the TTH and aren't going to reach out to Jill if it will cause them ANY blowback at home.

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It's yet another way the Duggars seem pretty backwards. In most families, siblings fight like cats and dogs when they're little and grow closer as adults. Except for the infamous Jewelry Box Incident, the kids did seem close and now they interact like distant cousin who have to pretend to remember each other. 

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8 hours ago, MyPeopleAreNordic said:

Hey, Derick? You know what would really get JB's pants in a wad? His child and her spouse choosing to send their kids to a brick & mortar school instead of homeschooling them.  He will be pissed that they're defying what they were taught about "evil public schools" & non-homeschoolers.  He'll be enraged that his control doesn't extend to your children's schooling. Wouldn't it be lovely to bask in JB stewing in anger that he's lost even more influence/control over you and your family? You know you want to do it, Derick! Send those kids to school (like you went to school)!

If anyone would be for sending their kids to a brick-and-mortar school (even if a private Christian school) it would be Derick. Not that I think that he's fundamentally against homeschooling, but he is the only Duggar adjacent who has public school experience, and he clearly seems to value education. Even though he's an ass, I am kind of proud of him that he's persevered with law school (at a secular/mainstream university, nonetheless!).

Just now, madpsych78 said:

If anyone would be for sending their kids to a brick-and-mortar school (even if a private Christian school) it would be Derick. Not that I think that he's fundamentally against homeschooling, but he is the only Duggar adjacent who has public school experience, and he clearly seems to value education. Even though he's an ass, I am kind of proud of him that he's persevered with law school (at a secular/mainstream university, nonetheless!).

ETA: Jeremy also had a little public school experience, so Derick is not the only one, but Derick has had the most.

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Maybe...if it's possible, I'm not in the know much about Twitter and instagram...we should start posting links to here in their SM? Might get them to join us. Sure the snark and criticisms would upset them but seems like there's also been a lot of support expressed for them to step out of the shadow of the TTH. Things could get pretty interesting here if they joined in!

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I don't think Jill needs to get a degree and an outside job to be fulfilled. I do think she needs more stimulation than what she currently gets. It would be great if she would take classes or workshops in things she's interested in, be it photography, Photo Shop, cooking, home decorating, or building a social media presence. 

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1 hour ago, Zella said:

 

And I cannot even imagine how much worse it would be to actually be the person being discussed. And I know this isn't quite the same inherent level of drama as murder, but it is a snark site. Even if Jill was made of stronger stuff and Derick weren't so thin-skinned, I just don't know that most people can emotionally handle being that close to this level of dissection by complete strangers. And again I think a lot of us would feel uncomfortable talking about things if they were here and actively participating. 

Agreed.  Although I don’t say anything inherently mean, I’d hate for them to read some of the things here.  It’s kind of like when you say something about a friend behind their back that you’d never say to their face.  You’re not trying to be hurtful but obviously it’s hurtful if you wouldn’t say it to their face.  I think the internet is a lot like that in the sense that you feel more comfortable saying things when you feel like the person isn’t going to hear it, and humans are just inherently different when they’re in a situation that’s being monitored, so to speak.  I come here for the snark but I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings by dissecting their childhood, family, and current state of being.  I’m sure some of them read the forums, but I wouldn’t want to know who and when. Kind of kills the fun.

Edited by Spencer Hastings
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12 hours ago, JoanArc said:

 That’s a highly specific fantasy. Maybe she could, I don’t know, move to Scotland and try to meet a man? 

First thought was that she must be a secret Outlander fan. 

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10 hours ago, madpsych78 said:

If anyone would be for sending their kids to a brick-and-mortar school (even if a private Christian school) it would be Derick

I definitely see the Duggalos doing some sort of ritzy Christian school. They just don’t seem to have the focus to even pretend to homeschool. The Dillard’s seem to have started homeschooling, but in a few years when Derrick is done with school, he may notice how far behind Izzy is under Jill’s tutelage, and reevaluate. Maybe they’ll do some sort of co-op learning at the least. 

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I would say with almost a 100% certainty that Felicity will NOT be home-schooled. For 1) Jinger never has made any attempt to appear as if she was super duper in love with the idea of teaching a bunch of kids; she barely pretended with her buddy group. 2) With the sort of lifestyle they seem to be aiming for, sending your kid to a trendy preschool and later grade school is going to be very important in order to make social connections. If they plan to stay in the youngish, urban, Christian group, she'll eventually have to gain a similar minded mommy circle. 

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23 hours ago, Tasya said:

Well Jill was the one snitching on her siblings growing up, Jessa (?) was the brat and the one Jana had to give her treasured items to in order to prove that she was godly and Joy was a lot younger. When you look at the dynamics like that, it makes sense that they aren't particularly close.

Jana was/is probably closest to her twin, she likely would've been closer to Jill if she wasn't a snitch. When we see Jana looking the most authentically happy, she's either by herself, with Laura or with JD/Abbie.

Jinger and Jessa have always been close with each other and again, Jill being a snitch would have meant they didn't want to spend too much time with her. Joy grew up alongside the howlers and was a big tomboy. 

Jill I think likely focused all of her energy on her buddy group. She probably wanted to please her parents by being their ideal daughter and that meant being the best mothersister she could be. That makes for loneliness now though, because she could probably really use one of the older sisters to talk to about things and the relationship just isn't there. 

A Duggar learning there are actually sometimes consequences for your actions 

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53 minutes ago, dariafan said:

A Duggar learning there are actually sometimes consequences for your actions 

It's interesting to think of Jill in that specific context. She was very much the enforcer of the family while growing up, making sure no one even said anything not Gothard-approved without her correcting them--I will never forget her immediately slapping Jinger down for wanting to live in a city. And that was on camera...imagine how much more of a pill she was when TLC wasn't around.

Now here she is, seemingly not as fundie as the the siblings she badgered all her life, and not close to any of them because of that badgering. It's kind of funny to think that if she hadn't been such a die-hard Gothardite, she would have siblings to talk to while she was floundering, and that could have possibly prevented her from (allegedly) straying as much as she has.

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11 hours ago, momma2seven said:

Maybe...if it's possible, I'm not in the know much about Twitter and instagram...we should start posting links to here in their SM? Might get them to join us. Sure the snark and criticisms would upset them but seems like there's also been a lot of support expressed for them to step out of the shadow of the TTH. Things could get pretty interesting here if they joined in!

They can get that support on Twitter, Instagram  or their own web page.   Those are the mediums to use to talk to them.  This forum is for us to talk about them, not talk to them and/vice-versa. 
I want to be able to talk freely here. 

Edited by mythoughtis
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11 hours ago, Nysha said:

she needs more stimulation than what she currently gets. It would be great if she would take classes or workshops in things she's interested in, be it photography, Photo Shop, cooking, home decorating, or building a social media presence

I’d argue that she’d needs to learn how to get rid of her social media presence and stop exploiting both herself and her family. I wonder if she even knows how to live a quiet life where she is not the forced center of attention.  It’s just another thing we can hate Jim Bob and Michelle for. The poor woman is not even really truly understanding the concept of a schedule. It’s gonna be a long road.

I also agree with everyone, Jill doesn’t need to come here. There’s nothing here to help her, at all. She needs a therapist and two or three close friends,  and maybe a part-time job. That’s all. 

Edited by JoanArc
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The brick and mortar schooling for the Dillard boys needs to come from Derick. He can ask for Cathy's backing. No need for him to have to 'wait' and see that Izzy and Sam are behind in their curriculum; he should realize that now. He has attended real school, has a college degree and is attending law school. He grew up to still 'love Jesus'. He is a perfect example of real schooling and not falling in to being a devil worshiper or an atheist. Jill needs the boys in school just as much as the boys need to be in school. 

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Came to see if Jill had posted anything. I'm guessing she's afraid of all the comments and questions she would get after Derick's posts. I'm thinking waiting won't matter though and she'll get all the questions and comments in the first few minutes of her first post.

The accountability partner rule guaranteed that no Duggar would ever be close to one another. Every Duggar child was trained to be a tattletale. Jill may have been the loudest snitch, but I bet every kid told on each other during their nightly check-ins with their parents.

Another rule that reinforced snitching and distance between the kids was being humble. They were not allowed to brag and received very little personalized praise. As children, the Duggar 19 likely snitched or put down their siblings to elevate themselves in their parents eyes.

If I'm remembering correctly Jessa was quick to jump in and support Jill in damning Jinger for her city dream.

JD didn't trust anyone but Jana to cut his freaking hair. Not one of those kids did or do trust their siblings. They probably trust no one at all.

I hope Jill feels that she can trust Derick. Although I'm not sure he knows what's in Jill's best interest.

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Sorry, but any man that's supposed to ask his mommy permission to send his own children to a real school is worthless as a parent.   Does he get to do that before or after he has his juice and takes his nap? 

His biggest concern right now should be minimizing his social media presence as a loose-lipped, bigoted, and bitter family back-stabber.  That is if he ever wants an actual law firm to hire him to do anything but pass out mail or shred the trash.  Right now he has ZERO to offer any firm in the way of potential, aside from being able to pass a few classes that most of us here would do equally well at. 

At least all his potential employers are getting a good sneak peak at What a stunning hire he'll be.  You just keep doin' you, Deertick.  

 

Edited by leighdear
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What I meant was that Derick can ask his mother to back him up with Jill and join him in encouraging Jill to send her children to a real school...not that he had to ask Cathy's permission to send them to school.

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Maybe they are backing off of social media and will be relying on the USPS? That sounds like a good decision to me.  

Or not! - not if she was tweeting yesterday 

Edited by BetyBee
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Hmmm, I wonder if I write them a "heartfelt" letter, if they will respond.  This could be a new hobby for Jilly - answering Fan mail!   Wasn't Jana's job to sort it at the TTH?  I wonder if anything for the Dillards gets forwarded (prior to screening and redacting)?

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I wondered how their idol Dave Ramsey felt about paying for P.O. boxes. Surprisingly he is all for that for the purpose of protecting oneself from identity theft. wonder how that works as far as Cash is King. like is derick going to walk in and pay for the box with cash each month? Probably only if people send them some cash.

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