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Jill, Derick & the Kids: Moving On!!


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41 minutes ago, dariafan said:

I doubt it.   I think Jill uses all theses games and stuff cause Derek isn’t really into sexy times with her 

Exactly!  When people are hot for each other, they don't need stupid games to get excited.  There may be some spontaneous play at some point, but this crap is all so forced, artificial and tiresome.

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9 hours ago, Jeeves said:

Jill got tossed off the show because her arse of a husband picked a stupid public fight with TLC over another show - involving a minor, no less - and lost. 

Uh, they left voluntarily. Yeah right...

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18 hours ago, Zella said:

I skimmed the Daily Fail article and laughed my ass off.

I can totally see Jill courting them, the DM agreeing to do a write-up, and then the resulting article is so snide and mocking. 

My favorite part:

"To play Naked Slumber Party, the couple is instructed to spend the whole evening in the nude to 'build anticipation,' which can include having a sexy nude pillow fight. Rules for the pillow fight inexplicably include 'no smothering your opponent,' which is generally good if not obvious advice." 😂

This is a real thing?   Seriously?   No, really??   Are we 12 or what?

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I just don't understand why it's okay for Jilly to publicly post stuff this sexual. Isn't it going to tempt poor unmarried individuals? What if jana sees it, and it scars her for life? And truthfully, Jill DOES have fans in their early teens. What she's posting is borderline inappropriate, and arguably in bad taste, even for a secular public figure who has young fans! Jill herself would have flipped out if she had seen something like this as a teen, and would have run crying to Mommy and Daddy!

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3 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I just don't understand why it's okay for Jilly to publicly post stuff this sexual. Isn't it going to tempt poor unmarried individuals? What if jana sees it, and it scars her for life? And truthfully, Jill DOES have fans in their early teens. What she's posting is borderline inappropriate, and arguably in bad taste, even for a secular public figure who has young fans! Jill herself would have flipped out if she had seen something like this as a teen, and would have run crying to Mommy and Daddy!

I agree with you, but I have another spin on it.

IF Jill wanted to speak about sexuality, she’s an adult woman and certainly has that right, BUT if she is trying to market these discussions towards her social milieu (young, fundy, married women) she needs to find an appropriate venue for it, and Instagram isn’t it.

Jill does have young fans, and while kids have seen worse on Instagram (I follow some male fitness models and I know plenty of women pose half naked but legally covered), Jill’s approach to this topic is going against everything she preaches to be about. I could see a niche for young couples to discuss this stuff while staying in their niche of fundamentalist Christian (like how certain sex toys were marketed as “marriage aids”) but Jill having no business sense what so ever is alienating her “fan”/consumer base. 

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2 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I just don't understand why it's okay for Jilly to publicly post stuff this sexual. Isn't it going to tempt poor unmarried individuals? What if jana sees it, and it scars her for life? And truthfully, Jill DOES have fans in their early teens. What she's posting is borderline inappropriate, and arguably in bad taste, even for a secular public figure who has young fans! Jill herself would have flipped out if she had seen something like this as a teen, and would have run crying to Mommy and Daddy!

I don't think Jill sees it as a problem for unmarried individuals specifically because it's a "couples book"; and she's already said/qualified that to her, this means "married".  (The impressionable tweens and teens stumbling across it, I have no answer for.)  The assumption is that you will be engaging in these activities, because you are coupled.  In Jill's mind, the single girl's imagination is not going to be stoked by imagining naked pillow fights unless this girl has a love object in mind for the naked pillow fights; which you perforce would not have because as an unmarried woman, you're not supposed to be thinking about these things in connection with any men.  Or something like that.  I agree as a general "don't cause your unmarried brethren and sistren to stumble" (dreadful paraphrase I know), it's not so great; but as has been said by others, Jill grew up with the Mini Golf Humping attitude.  Her father, the alleged spiritual umbrella of the family, apparently sees nothing wrong with mocking grown adult children with desires they can't righteously fulfill, on the "look but can't touch" principle.  

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2 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I just don't understand why it's okay for Jilly to publicly post stuff this sexual. Isn't it going to tempt poor unmarried individuals? What if jana sees it, and it scars her for life? And truthfully, Jill DOES have fans in their early teens. What she's posting is borderline inappropriate, and arguably in bad taste, even for a secular public figure who has young fans! Jill herself would have flipped out if she had seen something like this as a teen, and would have run crying to Mommy and Daddy!

I don't think that's how Jill sees it. I think she sees herself essentially offering a public service announcement for Gothardism.

One of their BIG things is that sex within marriage is great. There is nothing wrong with married people flaunting their sexy fun times to encourage young people to marry -- think JB and J'chelle dry humping on the mini-putt course.

Remember, too, that only people who are actively courting should have social media at all. By the transitive property of Jill, all of her followers must be courting or engaged and will be enticed across the finish line by the promises of scented lotion and naked pillow fights.

And, most importantly, I don't think Jill is very bright. I think she's working "hard" at becoming an influencer, but doesn't have the slightest idea how to go about it, or the slightest bit of curiosity to learn how to do a better job.

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That food actually looks good! That's the best looking thing I've ever seen her cook. I'm impressed.  I thought I use a lot of milk in my coffee.. Wow. My husbands always kids me about it. Asks me if I want a little coffee with my milk. 

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I read some of the comments on Jill’s Instagram and a bunch were asking if she had been hacked, so clearly she isn’t getting her message to the right audience. Seems she is not bright enough to understand how influencing works or what she should be posting. SOTDRT strikes again.

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If Jill really leaned into the fundie married sex guru image and knew what she was doing, she could easily be the most famous/clickbaity influencer of all her sisters. As is, she'll just blunder her way through it, not having the slightest idea what she is doing. 

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3 hours ago, Zella said:

If Jill really leaned into the fundie married sex guru image and knew what she was doing, she could easily be the most famous/clickbaity influencer of all her sisters. As is, she'll just blunder her way through it, not having the slightest idea what she is doing. 

Fundie Dr Ruth?  We all saw vids of Dickweed dancing. Maybe this is her subtle way of encouraging him to up his game. 

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I was on the good ole twitterverse and I saw an article linked by the 'Quiet Interesting uikipedia' 

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New research shows that people who use emojis more often while communicating with potential romantic partners are more likely to go on more dates and have more sex.  study link is ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

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This research provides evidence that emojis convey important affective information to potential partners, and are potentially associated with more successful intimate connection

Normally I would scroll on by...but I just thought of our Jilly and her love of the emojis and her need for affirmation and validation from her #besthubbieever and her need to lotion

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Ready?

 

Hot Love: How to Love Your Wife Like You Mean It

Aug 21, 2019 | Family Blog | 0 

Alrighty, so recently Jill wrote a post on here about how wives can love their husbands, and it was apparently a really big hit.  She also told me that she received a lot of feedback that the ladies would like me to write a post to husbands about how we can better love our wives.  Marriage relationships are the most important relationships between humans, and I don’t think it should be a surprise that in such a sacred relationship, the work should be a two-way street.  After all, one of the books Jill referred to, gifted to us by a good friend and co-worker when I was at Walmart, is called, “His Needs, HerNeeds,” by Willard Harley (emphasis added).  With that being said, and without further ado, here it is….  

Five years ago this summer, I married the woman of my dreams, Jill Michelle Duggar. Some of you may have watched our love story unfold on TV, and if you want to read about it, you can click here. Anyway, like most couples when they get married, we were head over heels for each other…and now, nearly five years later, I can happily say that we are still very much in love. 

One thing that really irked me when we were just getting to know each other, and then as newlyweds too, was people saying stuff like, “Oh you just wait”…or…”You’re just in that newlywed phase,” in response to our love for each other.  Although I do realize that sometimes things may change slightly due to life changes (e.g. kids, work schedules, Chuck E. Cheese nights with the guys, etc.), one thing I think we need to recognize is that the flame in your marriage doesn’t have to die out! But, like a fire sometimes, if you’re not intentional and don’t work hard to keep your relationship hot, it can fade.  And nobody on their wedding day says, “oh, I hope we’ll have a really great time for awhile and then call it quits.”  No!  …it’s always supposed to be “happily ever after for everyone, right?!”  I don’t claim to know everything about marriage, or to be presenting some advice to solve all your problems, but I am grateful for examples and advice from others I respect, including my own parents and grandparents.  My parents were married for 30 years, and my grandparents were married for 62 years.  I’m obviously not a professional relationship counselor, but I hope us husbands can find some encouragement from these tips:

Desire + intentionality = Hot love

I have no idea where this equation came from, but I was going with the fire analogy (hot) above, I assume most everyone at least wants a good marriage (desire), I like math, and it’s late.  So, there ya go.  Now for the intentionality part.  Love isn’t always just about having ooey gooey, warm fuzzy feelings.  “Ooey gooey” isn’t bad, but it’s kinda childish if that’s all you rely on.  There’s a reason why my 4-year-old son names every stuffed animal he has “Gooey.”  …it’s cute, but would be weird, not to mention a barrier in his life, if he has the same-track mind in 20 years.  Relationships are the same way—often times, divorce happens because of childish thoughts and selfish attitudes in relationships.  We shouldn’t treat love the same way as two 8-year-olds on the playground or junior high “summer love.”  People either think it’s all about them, or that they need to feel some kind of “feeling.”  The truth is, love is a choice.  It’s not bad to want the “warm fuzzies,” but we should think of that as just icing on the cake.  We’re going to need a lot more than that for a healthy, successful, and truly joyful marriage for both parties.  Love often initially begins with physical attraction or likable personalities, but day-to-day love must also be a choice that we continually make.  

Here’s a list of ways we can be intentional to love our wives like we mean it (not necessarily in order of importance):

-Have lots of good sex! You both need this time together regularly (5-6 times (or more) a week is a good start).  Guys, you need to keep yourself “joyfully available” for your wife, because only you can fulfill certain desires she might have.  1 Corinthians 7:4 teaches that the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.  We tend to focus on the first part of this verse, but often neglect the second half.  And when you may not be able to actually have intercourse for a period of time or for health issues, find other ways to have fun and be intimate. Let your spouse know that you’re always available. Guard against fulfilling sexual desires alone. Be open with your spouse about your desires and change things up to keep it exciting! (Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Corinthians 7:5) If you’re struggling with sex with your spouse, GET HELP! See a doctor and/or licensed counselor and don’t be afraid to get second opinions!

-Be vigilant.  Regardless of who does what in a relationship, it is ultimately the man’s responsibility to protect his marriage and family.  Nobody is exempt from a tendency for failure.  Setting our marriages, families, and spiritual lives on “autopilot” or being complacent will always eventually lead to failure.  We must always be careful to give special attention to constantly evaluate and adjust our lives according to the Bible, the leading of God’s Holy Spirit, and the wise counsel of others.  

-Be humble.  Along the same lines as the last point, pride (or complacency too!) comes before a fall.  If you think failure, bad family life, or even divorce could never happen to you, then WATCH OUT!  None of us are perfect, and if we ever think we’re too good for something bad to ever happen, then we’re deceiving ourselves.   

-Be open about everything: past, present and future! You need to be able to trust each other with the easy and the hard! Secrets are seeds for destruction! (1 Corinthians 10:13) Sometimes there may be seasons of difficulty or you may have to rebuild broken trust. Ask God to help you and get outside help if needed. We aren’t meant to live life in isolation! We need support and community! (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12; Galatians 6:2)

-Tell your spouse when they hurt you or when you have a problem with something and be quick to forgive! Speak up in love or else the problem will just linger, and you may suffer unnecessarily and resentment might build up. See a licensed counselor or get help if problems persist! (Eph. 4:25-27; Matthew 18) 

-Pray and fast for your wife. Ask her how you can pray for her and let her know when you do.

–Look for ways to encourage your wife, serve her and meet her needs. (God creates us all with a desire to be wanted!) Take the 5 Love Languages quiz together to find out the top ways you each receive love, then look for ways to show it! 

-Try to get at least 15-20 min. of uninterrupted time to talk every day! (Time to talk is important!) When she is talking, be quiet and listen, don’t interrupt and draw conclusions or offer advice right away.  As guys, sometimes we just want to “fix” things and move on, but sometimes ladies just want someone to listen to what they’re saying without having to immediately fix it.

-Don’t gossip or name call, even if joking. Be careful not to speak down about one another to each other and/or in the company of others, including joking about divorce!  Put-downs can plant seeds for divorce in the future!  Beware and ask your spouse to point out to you if you slip up! This can be an easy trap to fall into, especially if you’re hanging out with people and they’re all telling stories or making jokes about their spouses.  In the wise words of Thumper (a rabbit) “If you can’t say somethin’ nice, don’t say anything at all!” 

-Never allow your wife to think you’re her father! Whether it’s making demands, expecting her to keep the house spotless, or telling her to get off her phone…if she says “I feel like you’re my father when you…”, then pay attention to that and ask her what you can to do change/how to handle the situation the next time!

-Expectations: Be careful not to develop an entitlement mindset, e.g. “I deserve you,” or overlook things she does because, “Well, that’s just something a good wife is supposed to do.” Always be grateful and look for ways to praise her directly and in front of others! 

-Be open about money and spending habits with your wife! It’s vital that you are on the same page about your finances!  Security (physical, emotional, financial, etc.) is very important to most wives. Consider taking Financial Peace University (FPU) together! There are so many helpful things they discuss in this class, and you’ll learn so much even if you’re not in debt or have financial trouble! We have been through it twice now and enjoyed it both times! 

–Lead your family spiritually.  As men, we are ultimately the ones God will hold accountable for the spiritual well-being of our family.  This doesn’t necessarily mean it’s our fault if a child grows up and isn’t a Christian or doesn’t live for the Lord.  However, it is our job as husbands and fathers to spiritually lead our wives and children.  Christian women appreciate it when their husbands step up to the plate in this way and maintain sensitivity to their family’s spiritual barometer.  God calls husbands to spiritually lead and cast vision for their family.  This is not meant to be legalistic, but can manifest within the family in various ways (e.g. family Bible time, praying with our wives and children, asking what they are struggling with in order to support them, setting the tone on discipline in the home, etc.)

-Make time with your family a priority. Look for ways to spend time together with your kids and wife. You may have to cut out some activities that are taking away from family time.

-Wait to talk till you’re not angry. When things heat up, and you want the last word, recognize that you might say things you’ll regret in the moment, so sometimes it might be good to wait till you both cool down to properly work through it. 

-Don’t let the sun go down without making things right! In line with the last point, always try to work through things, or at least start working through them, before bed. You don’t always have to agree, but you don’t want to just “brush things under the rug” either. Problems don’t just disappear and will likely resurface later unless properly dealt with. 

-Call her by a fun or sweet name! Save her name/contact in your phone with a sweet name (e.g. sugar plum, honey boo, baby doll, sweet butter cup, schnookums, etc.)

-Remember, your wife is not your mom. You are teammates and she is your God-given woman. Keep this in mind and let it shape the way you relate. 

-Let her know you miss her and you can’t wait to see her/can’t wait till she gets home! Send texts for her to read when she can, or if you know she has specific times during the day when she can talk, give her a quick call or FaceTime her for a minute to tell her you love and miss her.

-Show affection in the home and in public! Your kids need to see you happy and having fun together as a couple! It provides a little extra security for everyone! 

-Take the challenge to spend every night together during your first year of marriage…and be intentional about minimizing the nights you have to spend apart in the future!  It may not always be this way, but so far, Jill and I have managed to spend every single night together since we’ve been married.  Again, we’ve only been married a little over 5 years, but so far as it’s possible, we hope to continue the trend.   

-Regularly discuss ways you can help each other feel more secure in your relationship and then do it! For example, it is really important to both of us that we have some kind of internet filtering service on our phones and laptops, so we decided to pay for a monthly Covenant Eyes filtering subscription and also limit some accessibility on our devices to help us be accountable to each other. We also share our social media passwords with each other. Another thing we purpose to do is to never be alone in the same room with someone of the opposite gender. Sometimes this is hard and requires more intentionality. For example, if I have a private meeting with a female, I may choose to leave the door open, or if Jill needs a repairman to come work on something at the house when I’m gone then she might invite a friend over while he’s there. We realize though that safeguards alone aren’t enough…it is more about the heart and commitment to purity, but they may be helpful in reducing the prevalence of some situations, or even just the appearance of evil. 

-Make weekly date time a priority! Even if you can’t go out, you can put the kids to bed early, have a candlelit dinner and watch a marriage video on YouTube and then discuss it together or read a marriage book together or take fun personality quizzes online! Anything to learn more about each other and strengthen your marriage! We have enjoyed listening to Ted Cunningham on YouTube. If you don’t have family close by and can’t spend money on a sitter/would rather put the money towards dinner, etc., consider swapping childcare every week with friends or another couple so you both get to have regular date times!  Forsaking quality time together is dangerous, and it’s a quick way to drift apart in your marriage and to get out-of-touch with your spouse.

-Invest in counseling sessions a few times a year or as a birthday gift or Christmas present, just to learn helpful tips, keep tabs on your marriage and be constantly striving to grow! 

This list isn’t meant to be exhaustive, but I hope it provides us at least some idea of how to be more intentional in loving our wives! 

For more resources we’ve found to be helpful, check out the list Jill posted at the end of her blog post for wives.  

So, I hope you’ll be encouraged and even check out some of the things I mentioned and then comment below!  Please feel free to mention anything you think should be added to this list or if you have any comments regarding the points in general, including any stories you might have about what has or hasn’t worked in your own relationship. 

What are some of your favorite marriage books or tips you’d like to share? Comment below.  

Edited by ginger90
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On 8/20/2019 at 9:31 AM, Albanyguy said:

Red velvet cupcakes and catching up? She makes Heaven sound like a high school reunion. Am I really doomed to spend eternity standing around eating soggy canapes and making polite conversation with people I haven't seen in forty years?

It sounds like every wedding reception Jill has ever attended: Hoards of strangers, not nearly enough food, and no place to sit down. 

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On to Dereck's marriage advice--Does he really do this stuff, like being joyfully available, humble (!), texting sweet notes every day, calling her schnookums or sweet butter cup, having lots of family time, fasting for Jill, not acting like her father, etc., etc.?

I picture him shut up in that office when he's home, coming out occasionally to choke down a plate of beige food. 

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🤣 picturing D covered in post it’s and draped sexy on a couch waiting for Jill. As she is coming home from dumping the kids with Jana. 

And she is carrying sushi and a bag of gummy bears.

Jill honey bunny I’m joyfully available!

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8 minutes ago, Broken Ox said:

Cannot. Stop. Laughing.

I wish I could take credit for it but a friend of mine used that phrase once and I told him I was stealing it.

I wonder if saying he goes there for guys nights was an attempt to be funny, as I see no evidence he has any actual male friends, and something like a golf night would be more in line of what people his age would do. 

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31 minutes ago, Trillium said:

1. Most of this was almost verbatim from Jill’s post, just swapping the genders. 

2. What in the actual fuck is a men’s Chuck E Cheese night? 

3. If your marriage requires this much effort, then you might not be married to the right person. 

4. Jill may be tempted by the cable repair man, so Jana needs to come over. Izzy and Sam aren’t enough to cockblock apparently. But he can be with 3rd row Becks...with the door ajar. 

Yes, I noticed many places that were exactly the same as Jill's words.  Such priceless prose can't be improved on apparently.

I guess Jill would go at it like a madwomen with repairmen in front of the boys.  Obviously too sex-crazed to be trusted.

21 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

Uh, what sort of grown men do "guys nights" at Chuck E Cheese? 

Honestly, their marriage sounds exhausting and miserable. 

I was going to say the very same thing!  Exhausting!  I'll agree that relationships need some effort but that is utterly ridiculous.  That leaves no time for much of anything else.

Not to mention, that whole thing was enough to gag a dog. Honestly. Yuck.

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38 minutes ago, Trillium said:

Jill said sex 3-4 times a week, he’s saying 5-6 as a good place to start. If people did everything on this list all people would do is pray, have sex, watch marriage videos, hang with dudes at the Mechanical Rat Child Casino, send sexy texts. Neither of them has ever written a word on how to build a strong family. Because who has time for the kids? 

Sex 5-6 times a week + no protection = baby. Or should equal. 

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Just now, Suzn said:

Yes, it's all bullshit.

And stolen bullshit, at that. 

Every time I get to “whatever, they’re ignorant, bless their sad little hearts” they pull this kind of arrogant asshattery out of their orifices and I go back to despise.

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What is with these Fundies saying a couple should share everything.  Honesty is brutal and a great way to kill any spark.  If I followed their advice, then I would be having conversations with my future (or imaginary) spouse about things no man wants to hear come out of a woman's mouth--gastrointestinal distress, my monthly visitor, etc.  Or a husband telling a wife how he really feels about her cooking. There are levels of honesty, and I find it perfectly acceptable to lie to me to minimize any hurt.  

  I don't for one second think that Derick loves Jill's cooking, so he is lying to her on a weekly basis.  

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9 minutes ago, tabloidlover said:

I’m exhausted just reading this bullshit.   If every minute of your life is focused on your marriage, you’re not in the right one.   Marriage is work, but my God it isn’t that much work!! 

The lurid parts of the bullshit stand out, but what about watching "marriage videos"... Those really sound like fun or how about taking quizzes to learn about each other?  I want to say to him, are you fucking kidding?!!!  First of all, it is as we said, bullshit and second, if it were true it would be a nightmare life.  They don't even know how to make this made up crap appealing.

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