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Jill & Derick Dullard: Counting On (Donations)

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On 3/18/2019 at 12:53 PM, ginger90 said:

10 chicken breasts, cooked, cubed

1 (10 oz.) frozen mixed veggies OR broccoli, cooked 

2 t. poppy seeds

Boil chicken and season how you like (reserve 1/2 C. broth).

Why does she want me to boil the cooked chicken? What did chicken ever do to her?

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I'm sure Jill read and 100% approved his post. Just like I'm also sure it 100% went woosh, so far over her head that she felt the breeze and had no idea why.

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4 hours ago, Christina87 said:

I agree, and Lauren can be annoying, and will no doubt make Si miserable, but she doesn't have a sense much power in their culture, as a woman. Si will never have to live by her decrees. She'll give him plenty of subtle digs, but Derick does much worse than that!

This is true. 

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2 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

As I was just saying (and apologies for stating it so soon after my last post, but I might not have worded it right), I don't think what he said was necessarily a bad thing...there are plenty (probably the majority) of marriages out there which are not fairytale-blissful unions of absolute soulmates. I'm in one myself. 

Mr Jyn and I agree that neither of us is anything close to perfect, and that putting up with each other has, and continues to be, a trial at times. It's just the way life is. Could we have found better matches? Who knows? Quite possibly. Or maybe not. But it's been 34 years, and, overall, the good has outweighed the bad. Isn't that all anyone really needs out of life?

I think that’s very different than how Derrick talks about Jill. Firstly, you’ve noticed how you are quick to say what a great man your husband is and how lucky you are to have him- I’ve never seen Derrick show any kind of appreciation like that towards Jill. I don’t think anyone expects their spouse to be perfect or have only moments of bliss, but thinking they are a good person and good for you is expected.

Secondly they have been married a hot minute, if he feels this way now will he be growling at her in 34years????

3 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

But, in any case, he does concede that Jill is not perfect, but seems determined to continue to see her as "the one" forever, which I can't actually fault him for either...Given that no matter how well we might know someone before marriage, there are bound to be differences, rocks and hurdles in the relationship, and bailing the moment you hit the first of them is never a good answer. The issue, though, is how do you determine where the line is between making a marriage work and giving up the moment you hit a bump? Are you putting the effort into a relationship because, at heart, you care about and value each other, and understand that neither of you is perfect, so life is going to mean a series of compromises and forgiveness for little things? Or are you stubbornly holding fast while both of you are miserable, because the entire thing was one big mistake from day one which you only realized after you actually spent more than a minute alone with each other without parents or "chaperones" listening in? I suppose we will never know. 

I think people have to know what they want out their marriage. If you want romantic attraction and emotional intimacy- yeah if things are really bad maybe throw in the towel. If you want is companionship, partnered sex, financial support, domestic support- then yes I think people should stick it out because they made a commitment (of course absent things like abuse or criminal behavior). But the problem with the Gothard way of doing things in my mind is they ACT like people are getting married because of romantic love, rather than a modern arranged marriage-I know several people in modern arranged marriage, adults with educations who knew what they were getting into and actually married for mutually agreed upon reasons. This was not the Dillards.

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I think it's also a problem that Jill and the duggars talk nonstop about "the one God has for me." Isn't that the whole point of courtship, to divine whether God has chosen for you two to be soulmates? If I believed that, and then read what Derick said, that many, many other girls could have taken Jill's place, and maybe they weren't destined to be together...I'd be heartbroken!

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3 hours ago, Jynnan tonnix said:

Interesting that he concedes that Jill is not the perfect person. I mean, I actually agree with him on this one point; that if you wait for the clouds to part and hear the hallelujah chorus when you meat your "soul mate", you are likely to wait forever (or, though he doesn't include this part, you will jump headlong into a huge mistake because lust can be an even stronger impetus than love when those hormones get agitated). There's no way to be sure, IMO, after knowing someone for a couple of months, how long that glow is gonna last.

But, in any case, he does concede that Jill is not perfect, but seems determined to continue to see her as "the one" forever, which I can't actually fault him for either...Given that no matter how well we might know someone before marriage, there are bound to be differences, rocks and hurdles in the relationship, and bailing the moment you hit the first of them is never a good answer. The issue, though, is how do you determine where the line is between making a marriage work and giving up the moment you hit a bump? Are you putting the effort into a relationship because, at heart, you care about and value each other, and understand that neither of you is perfect, so life is going to mean a series of compromises and forgiveness for little things? Or are you stubbornly holding fast while both of you are miserable, because the entire thing was one big mistake from day one which you only realized after you actually spent more than a minute alone with each other without parents or "chaperones" listening in? I suppose we will never know. 

So, overall, aside from that first major misstep with the "sans the bad stereotypes", I don't actually hate this post as much as I have much of what he has said otherwise. It does feel, at least a little bit, as though he's seeing a little bit of reality. 

I wonder how Jill will react when she finds out that she is not perfect? She still seems to be trying to make that trope (I first typed "tripe", which might have been even more fitting!) work from her point of view of the "besthubbyever!!!11!)

I think most people wait longer than just a couple months to marry, giving them more time to know the person. And many also live together before marriage, so there aren’t as many big surprises.

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So Jill was “waiting for Prince Charming” (her favorite book—right?), the man God had chosen for her, while Derick was willing to settle because there is no such thing as “the one.”

Wow. If my husband wrote what Derick did but about me, I would be crushed. Thankfully we did have all of those wonderful feelings that Derek dismissed and I did marry the love of my life.

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8 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

I think it's also a problem that Jill and the duggars talk nonstop about "the one God has for me." Isn't that the whole point of courtship, to divine whether God has chosen for you two to be soulmates? If I believed that, and then read what Derick said, that many, many other girls could have taken Jill's place, and maybe they weren't destined to be together...I'd be heartbroken!

Yes! Derrick didn’t say what a good wife he has in Jill or how she’s enriched his life even though marriage is hard, he said to young Christians reading his post “settle on the first person that comes along who is Christian or you’ll die alone.”  

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2.  It's great that he was able to get an undergrad degree without student loans, but no way he is not taking some out for law school.  I know we have discussed this before, but with Jill not working he has to be taking out a massive amount of loans for the family to survive.

Don't forget Dillard Family Ministries. Who knows how much of those donations went to Law School. Also, tack on medical debt from Jill's botched births.

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falling in love and marrying my best friend when neither of us knew whether my mom would be alive when we arrived back from our honeymoon;

I don’t even know how to explain the way this makes me feel about the two of them.

They coulda...um, put off the wedding a few months. *gasp*

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Lordy, I guess turning 30 has made him a philosopher. I turn 30 later this year. Maybe I'll subject you all to my wisdom in a lengthy humble-brag blog post to celebrate. 

My 40th birthday loosened me up, a whole hell of a lot. I'd still never post Derick's tripe.

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8 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

I think most people wait longer than just a couple months to marry, giving them more time to know the person. And many also live together before marriage, so there aren’t as many big surprises.

This is how I feel too! I do agree with Derick that some people are WAY too picky. One of my most recent dates was with a guy who complimented my appearance at length, and we had a blast together. Of course, I didn't think I was going to marry the guy, but I was sure there would be a second date. Surprise...there wasn't! I was left wondering why the guy didn't even like me enough to go to dinner with me one more time, as I'll basically give everyone a chance who I'm reasonably attracted to, and is nice / not weird. That's all they have to do. I understand a lot of people are nervous, and act more natural on a second date. However, we've all had those one date wonders, and questioning why their standards are so high, and how we fell so short that they never want to see us again, is hard on the ego. But there's a point where you realize that some people are great catches and alone in their late 30's BECAUSE they won't give anyone a chance. I think Derick would agree with this. 

The way he worded it makes it sound like he wants people to settle, though, and like he's rewlized he's settled with Jill. Like @Scarlett45 said, there's nothing in there that gives the impression that his life is better with Jill in it, or that he appreciates having her as his wife. I think there are ways to say what he did without clearly casting shade on Jill. It makes me sad, because as loathsome as she can be, she's kindhearted, and deserves someone who thinks the sun rises and sets with her. 

And how do you find someone like that? YOU DATE BEFORE MARRIAGE!!!! Obviously someone who has been courting three months might be infatuated, and want to marry their spouse because she's pretty, seems like she'll be a good housekeeper, says she wants the same things as you, etc. Someoje who's dated their partner two years might say that she's good in a crisis, or she's consistently a hard worker, or has integrity, or has kept the house spotless constantly while also holding down a full-time job. The person who has dated longer has a better chance of being with "the one" because they can give deeper reasons for their love, and they're not likely to be swayed to change their mind. It makes me feel bad for Jill, because she had surface level love, and now it's obvious that Derick doesn't think much of her as a person or wife. 

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7 minutes ago, Christina87 said:

However, we've all had those one date wonders, and questioning why their standards are so high, and how we fell so short that they never want to see us again, is hard on the ego. But there's a point where you realize that some people are great catches and alone in their late 30's BECAUSE they won't give anyone a chance. I think Derick would agree with this. 

I think many people like this really DO NOT want to be partnered but feel socially pressured to “keep looking” because that’s what people do. I wish just not getting married/being partnered was presented as a legit option for people rather than something that just happens to you. This may be of special importance in the evangelical Christian space because if you aren’t married NO partnered sex and NO peer relationships. 

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4 hours ago, ginger90 said:

I don’t even know how to explain the way this makes me feel about the two of them.

Probably one of the most selfish thing I've read from this family and that is saying something. Hope the sex was worth it, FFS.

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12 minutes ago, Trillium said:

Negative Millennial Stereotypes that fit DDD:

- Over inflated sense of self importance 

- Job hopper

- Unwilling to work hard

- Still dependent on partent(s)

I’m sure there’s more. 

- Signed technically a Millenial, but in their late 30’s. 

I'll add

Addicted to Social Media, lazy, entitled

- Signed also a 30 something Millenial 

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2 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

I think many people like this really DO NOT want to be partnered but feel socially pressured to “keep looking” because that’s what people do. I wish just not getting married/being partnered was presented as a legit option for people rather than something that just happens to you. This may be of special importance in the evangelical Christian space because if you aren’t married NO partnered sex and NO peer relationships. 

You are SO right!!! It would make it easier for everyone, because these people either wouldn't be on the dating scene, or they would feel comfortable admitting that they just wanted to keep it casual. I admire that you are upfront with guys about not wanting a relationship, @Scarlett45. Social norms really do need to change in this area. 

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3 hours ago, Scarlett45 said:

Yes! Derrick didn’t say what a good wife he has in Jill or how she’s enriched his life even though marriage is hard, he said to young Christians reading his post “settle on the first person that comes along who is Christian or you’ll die alone.”  

And he makes just a cursory reference to his two beautiful boys, he doesn’t even mention them by name.

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11 hours ago, Trillium said:

Negative Millennial Stereotypes that fit DDD:

- Over inflated sense of self importance 

- Job hopper

- Unwilling to work hard

- Still dependent on partent(s)

I’m sure there’s more. 

- Signed technically a Millenial, but in their late 30’s. 

11 hours ago, yogi2014L said:

I'll add

Addicted to Social Media, lazy, entitled

- Signed also a 30 something Millenial 

Don't forget : Have a massive hissy fit and go to pieces when someone doesn't agree with your point of view.

Based on the above criteria, I'd say Dreck is the stereotypical millennial 

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17 hours ago, ginger90 said:

changing a diaper;

It was actually Derick who said the above - how many think he changed just the one diaper?  

 

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2 hours ago, lucy711 said:

 I don't need any cliched statements about romance to make me feel valued.

But you actually are valued and words seem to be all Jill gets. 

Derrick doesn’t seem to give a rusty damn about anyone except in what benefit they provide to him. The idea of loving someone because of who they are doesn’t  seem to break through his colorful candy coating of total self-absorption.

Deeds, not words. They both throw around hashtags about how bestevah their spouse is, but has Derrick ever posted anything about Jill as a human being? Cooking him meals, raising his children, kissing his ego...yes. But how about I love it when she laughs? Or I love that she believes in me despite all evidence to the contrary?

This latest essay of “how great am I” fails to even provide Jill with the usual lip service.

 I feel bad for her, too.

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16 hours ago, yogi2014L said:

I'll add

Addicted to Social Media, lazy, entitled

- Signed also a 30 something Millenial 

And I’ll add:

-An insufferable know it all wjth answers to all the world’s problems

-Signed, a late 30s millennial raised as a Gen Xer

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3 hours ago, lucy711 said:

I think Jill would be devastated by what Derrick wrote.  But if I were married to Derrick (heaven forbid!) I wouldn't be.  That's because I agree with him in a way.  I don't believe in the idea of "soulmates" and I think everyone settles to an extent.  I'm writing this as a happily married woman.  I dated my husband for five years, and we've been married for ten.  I am content in my marriage and don't want to be with anyone else.  But I think it would be a lie to say that I couldn't be equally happy with another man.  If he didn't attend the same college as I did and we never met, I believe I would have found someone else and most likely been married happily.  Overall my husband is a great guy, but he has some flaws that I "settled for" and ditto for me.  Call it unromantic (it is) but it is true and I don't think either of us has a problem being realistic about it.

The reason I don't believe in the idea of "the one" is that I have seen too many people in my family be widowed and find happiness in a second marriage.  My parents were married for 25 years.  They had a great marriage.  My mom died and my dad remarried.  He has another great marriage.  I suppose what I'm saying is that I find Derrick to be realistic and since I'm a grown woman I don't need my husband to pretend that I'm the moon and the stars.  I do feel bad for Jill because I think she would like that, but I know that I'm loved and appreciated. I don't need any cliched statements about romance to make me feel valued.

I like your post a thousand times.  I feel this way too.

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15 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Okay, so today I turned 61, so I thought I would write a couple of thousand words about how I am wonderful and brave and godly and an inspiration to so many.

Just kidding.

Happy birthday!!!

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26 minutes ago, Oldernowiser said:

Okay, so today I turned 61, so I thought I would write a couple of thousand words about how I am wonderful and brave and godly and an inspiration to so many.

Just kidding.

You should write it - I am absolutely positive it would be more interesting than Derelict's offering. 😊

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Jill needs to dump Citrus and Lemon stat... from her IG story this morning, please note the horrible sandals and the shirt looks like a shirt my mom wore in the late 70’s

F6BFDCCD-0F8F-4756-9240-B5EC4D4DB4A6.jpeg

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1 minute ago, tabloidlover said:

Jill needs to dump Citrus and Lemon stat... from her IG story this morning, please note the horrible sandals and the shirt looks like a shirt my mom wore in the late 70’s

F6BFDCCD-0F8F-4756-9240-B5EC4D4DB4A6.jpeg

Jill just can't seem to get it right. On the plus side, her hair is neatly braided and the clothes fit well. However, she can't stage a picture to save her life. The boys are distracting and she's squinting, which makes her expression look pinched and annoyed. Ffs, all she has to do is Google some famous influencers and copy what they do. It's not that hard.

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That picture of Jill looks as though it was taken in 1975 with the ugly shirt and platform shoes. It also looks as though they live in Section 8 housing...

I was thinking earlier today that Jill’s life has become sooooo drab. She lives in a small, dark and dingy apartment, cooks drab, bland, beige food and just looks basically like Hell most of the time. Her life needs COLOR in all aspects. Can they paint the walls in their dingy home?  Can she incorporate color into her cream of puke meals? Can she look through some fashion magazines and see how clothes are supposed to fit? 

Guess not. 

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21 hours ago, Oldernowiser said:

Um...did anyone ASK? JFC, if he was half as fascinating as he thinks he is, that’s still ten times as fascinating as he really is.

So, to summarize:

I am All That.

My wife isn’t.

The End.

(If I were Jill I’d be pissed. But my guess is she pretended to read it, simpered at her headship and resumed staring at the fluffy clouds that live in her head.

I wonder what Jana thinks of Dreck's epistle.  I believe the story has been God hasn't put "the right one" in her path, correct?  According to Dreck she simply needs to marry the next single man she sees and everything will be fine, because Jesus.

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1 hour ago, Oldernowiser said:

Okay, so today I turned 61, so I thought I would write a couple of thousand words about how I am wonderful and brave and godly and an inspiration to so many.

Just kidding.

Happy Birthday!

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22 minutes ago, not you again said:

I wonder what Jana thinks of Dreck's epistle.  I believe the story has been God hasn't put "the right one" in her path, correct?  According to Dreck she simply needs to marry the next single man she sees and everything will be fine, because Jesus.

I was wondering the same thing.  One thing about being Catholic, being single is just as valid of a calling as marriage or religious life.  Because the fact is, there are not an equal number of men and women in the world for all of us to pair up.  Some of us are not going to meet a Mr./Ms. Right Now let alone a Mr/Ms. Right.  Dreck really does insult Jana with the idea that her life is incomplete because she is single.

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Does Derelict realize some people don't want to marry?

I wondered what Jana thought too. 

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Why oh why are they posed looking into the sun????  OMG the deep squint is just horrible.  Can't Jill even see what unattractive pictures those are?

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1 hour ago, Ohiopirate02 said:

I was wondering the same thing.  One thing about being Catholic, being single is just as valid of a calling as marriage or religious life.  Because the fact is, there are not an equal number of men and women in the world for all of us to pair up.  Some of us are not going to meet a Mr./Ms. Right Now let alone a Mr/Ms. Right.  Dreck really does insult Jana with the idea that her life is incomplete because she is single.

And some men want men and some women want women. Or many other combinations!

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20 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

And some men want men and some women want women. Or many other combinations!

There is also that.  I was trying to appeal to Dreck's narrow mindset where being gay is a choice and not an innate part of who you are and show how messed up his whole screed truly is.  

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21 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Happy Birthday to our good friend @Oldernowiser. She is a blessing and an example to us all. She contributes thoughtful and Godly posts and is a true example of a Proverbs 31 Woman. We can't wait to see what God has in store for you! 🙏🍰😉

🤣🤣🤣

Best part of my whole birthday except it made me spit water all over my iPad..

Thank you!!!!

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8 hours ago, lucy711 said:

I think Jill would be devastated by what Derrick wrote.  But if I were married to Derrick (heaven forbid!) I wouldn't be.  That's because I agree with him in a way.  I don't believe in the idea of "soulmates" and I think everyone settles to an extent.  I'm writing this as a happily married woman.  I dated my husband for five years, and we've been married for ten.  I am content in my marriage and don't want to be with anyone else.  But I think it would be a lie to say that I couldn't be equally happy with another man.  If he didn't attend the same college as I did and we never met, I believe I would have found someone else and most likely been married happily.  Overall my husband is a great guy, but he has some flaws that I "settled for" and ditto for me.  Call it unromantic (it is) but it is true and I don't think either of us has a problem being realistic about it.

The reason I don't believe in the idea of "the one" is that I have seen too many people in my family be widowed and find happiness in a second marriage.  My parents were married for 25 years.  They had a great marriage.  My mom died and my dad remarried.  He has another great marriage.  I suppose what I'm saying is that I find Derrick to be realistic and since I'm a grown woman I don't need my husband to pretend that I'm the moon and the stars.  I do feel bad for Jill because I think she would like that, but I know that I'm loved and appreciated. I don't need any cliched statements about romance to make me feel valued.

Yes. Absolutely.  Derrick could have said this and everyone would have understood his point.  Or he could have discussed their courting concept - because that’s not about romance, it’s about finding someone who fits into your life and your familys’ life.  

But instead  he throws up word salad that ends up insulting Jill unnecessarily and doesn’t even get his point across. 

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