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Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House


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Ew, why would adults put themselves through that?! 🤮 These are the least sensual people on the planet.

Please eat your properly heated food, served on a plate, while sitting at the table, Duggars! Honestly that’s just being a human.

I don’t blame kids when they’re not fed properly because what do they know, but it’s bizarre to me that adults who could presumably heat and eat their food properly chose to live like that. Tables and bowls are not newfangled tech.

I still eat at the table for every meal, whether I’m eating alone or not. It’s not that I’m so formal, it’s just so much more comfortable. I mean that is literally what they were made for!

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(edited)

I am not above eating food out of a Tupperware container while sitting on a couch, but it's always heated! And I've never eaten out of a can. 

I've always thought Jessa was insufferably lazy, and this doesn't dispel that notion. 

Edited by Zella
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3 hours ago, QuinnInND said:

I never got enough to eat as a child. I was always hungry and would eat anything I could. Probably would have eaten like that too at that time. But since the Duggars have never been food insecure, it's odd. 

I think that the Duggars were very much so food insecure before TLC came along. They used to eat "Love Offerings" left by parishoners. According to Derick, Jill ate in the bathroom when they were first married.

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(edited)
19 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

Joe licking his plates comes directly to mind.

Yes! Didn't one of his sisters teach him that? I want to say Jessa, but I am not really sure. I just remember reading it here.

Edited by Zella
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I'm not sure the Duggars ever had problems with having enough food. Even in the earliest specials they had pantries that were stocked with food. One of the earlier specials was about them grocery shopping. Their yard was filled with toys, they had an RV, they went to Big Sandy every year and JB was able to spend a half million on his campaign. And this was all before TLC. They even purchased their land and the TTH before TLC, they just hadn't built it yet. I also doubt JB's parents would sit by while their grandchildren went hungry.

As far as Derick mentioning Jill saying she ate in the bathroom, that could have been for many reasons. Maybe the food went too fast when they ate at the table, or every time she grabbed a snack she had a half dozen baby siblings wanting some. Never mind before the TTH, they only had two bathrooms for a dozen+ people. I doubt anyone could hide out in a bathroom too long, before someone came along needing it.

And the love offerings were from church members. The Duggars dragged their kids around performing. I think the love offerings were 'payments' by church members. Church members who assumed they needed them or had no other means to show their appreciation.

But what I really think was happening is JB was and still is cheap. When any family, and more so a very large family, makes their own bread and clothes and buys used to save the difference, its easy to assume they have to do these things. From what I've seen, the Duggars didn't struggle financially any more than the average young family, and quite possibly they struggled less.

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On 3/3/2021 at 11:08 AM, emma675 said:

Is Ivy really big for her age or is Henry small for his age? They look to be the same size now. 

I think she was born bigger than him. She's been a Creepy Giant Baby from the beginning. 

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I left out another point, none of the Duggars looked malnourished either. None of them were pale or extremely skinny and no one seemed to gain any substantial weight after the TLC picked them up as a regular series. And the kids from Jackson down didn't and still don't, look more healthy than the original 10+ kids.

 

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11 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I left out another point, none of the Duggars looked malnourished either. None of them were pale or extremely skinny and no one seemed to gain any substantial weight after the TLC picked them up as a regular series. And the kids from Jackson down didn't and still don't, look more healthy than the original 10+ kids.

 

It's funny that you mentioned this because I was just thinking about this -- but in another way.

Gothardism in general, and the Duggars in particular, are about control, and food is a part of that. It wasn't long after the move to the TTH -- and more food access -- that Jana was suddenly diverted to Weight Watchers. I her case, I think that the access to more food -- especially the candy that they all obsess about, adolescence, and of course, her parent's endless need to control and micro-mange that led her there.

I agree that none of them look mal-nourished (and I don't recall them looking that way in the past). None of them look particularly healthy, but I think that's attributable to poor diet, lack of fresh air and exercise, too much candy, and the enormous amount of stress in the household.

Just to be clear, I don't think that any of them were starving, just insecure about when (and what, and how much) they would be able to eat again. I think that Gothard families lived with a great deal of concern that CPS could come knocking, and that's part of the reason for the ostentatious stockpiles of food.

 

Edited by cmr2014
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1 minute ago, Zella said:

 I also wouldn't be surprised if it was basically like Lord of the Flies at dinner even when they had plenty and that created some psychological issues of its own, especially for some of the kids who were quieter, smaller, or less aggressive.  

that is how I picture it grab it fast or it is gone. and more complicated if you were a sister mom responsible for getting food on your buddy teams plates before your own.

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1 minute ago, crazy8s said:

that is how I picture it grab it fast or it is gone. and more complicated if you were a sister mom responsible for getting food on your buddy teams plates before your own.

Yes, my late uncle had a huge appetite. He wasn't overweight. He was just a big dude who could eat like no tomorrow. He had plenty of food growing up, but he would eat everything in the house if left to his own devices. Most people in the family just think of it as one of his quirks. But my dad was often on the receiving end of having his food stolen by his much older, much bigger brother when their parents weren't around, and to this day, as a nearly 60 year old man, he just goes absolutely batshit ballistic if anyone even jokes about taking food from him. Amplify that by more than a dozen siblings, two parents who don't give a shit, and apparently no regular meal times, and someone is going to get the short end of the stick. 

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1 hour ago, cmr2014 said:

 

Food deprivation is obvious when there is literally no food in the house, but you can still be food deprived when the house is filled with food, but there's nothing for you to eat.

This was my issue.  I was only allowed basically a tablespoon of food at each meal. One glass of milk once a day. I was caught "stealing" food once and almost got beaten to death over it. I still eat minimally to this day. It's hard for me to eat a whole meal.

Gothard likes slender girls, and I wonder if that was part of the thing with the Duggars. But with all those kids, and little parental supervision, I wonder if some of the kids got their food taken away by one of the other kids. Josh ballooned up when he got married and could eat as much as he wanted. And what he wanted. 

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12 minutes ago, Zella said:

I don't think you have to be starving for the pieces to be put in place for a dysfunctional relationship with food. I never was starved as a child, but I have a really fucked-up relationship with food. As an adult, I realize it's not really about food for me. It's about feeling like I have a sense of control and also a fair amount of the addiction issues my family is prone to having being redirected toward food. 

I do think multiple Duggar kids have a dysfunctional relationship with food, and I would not be surprised if the older ones went hungry sometimes before the TV shows came along. But I also think the atmosphere was in place for many of the kids to feel emotionally neglected and to cope with that through food in ways that are not healthy. I also wouldn't be surprised if it was basically like Lord of the Flies at dinner even when they had plenty and that created some psychological issues of its own, especially for some of the kids who were quieter, smaller, or less aggressive. (Or caused some of the ones with more dominant personalities to double down on that as a survival tactic.)

We know that J'chelle was under an enormous amount of stress before the girls were older and they implemented the J'slave system. I think that there were plenty of days when she simply didn't prepare meals, and the kids had no authority to simply take food if they were hungry. It may have been JB who pioneered the "grab a can of beans from the pantry and eat it cold" method of feeding the kids when J'chelle was overwhelmed. 

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24 minutes ago, Westiepeach said:

@QuinnInND, I am so sorry you had to live that life. I can’t imagine what you went through. But I am happy you are living your best life now, and that all of us are your friends! 💕

Thank you! Love all of you! 

 

 

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1 hour ago, crazy8s said:

that is how I picture it grab it fast or it is gone. and more complicated if you were a sister mom responsible for getting food on your buddy teams plates before your own.

Yeah I agree. Somebody made one pan of Tater Tot Casserole and when it was gone, it was gone. 

Another thing we've talked about before is the Duggars aren't good at keeping a consistent schedule. There's another problem with food. 

I think Jill's recipes tell the truth. They were eating a lot of casseroles and beige food, and not as many fruits and vegetables. 

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1 minute ago, Temperance said:

Yeah I agree. Somebody made one pan of Tater Tot Casserole and when it was gone, it was gone. 

Another thing we've talked about before is the Duggars aren't good at keeping a consistent schedule. There's another problem with food. 

I think Jill's recipes tell the truth. They were eating a lot of casseroles and beige food, and not as many fruits and vegetables. 

Except for the infamous big salad.

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Since this is Jessa's thread ...

If we look at her as a newlywed and her as a mom of three, we can see she was clueless about what constitutes a meal, never mind a healthy meal and had to learn from Ben. But as others mentioned I see that as laziness and not much prior knowledge about healthy eating. But not an unhealthy relationship with food. Jill was and still is a little clueless in that area, but I don't think Derick knows any better either.

As for the plate lickers - Joe, Josie and one other, I see that as bad manners.

As @Zella mentioned, most eating disorders usually stem from needing control and one could argue the Duggar household could be ripe for that. But I don't see any telltale signs of eating disorders. No one is extremely thin or extremely heavy, no one has thinning hair, bad teeth, bloating or unusual facial hair. In the few times they've eaten on camera, I've never seen anyone play with their food (besides Josie), inhale their food, or not eat. The only one I've even heard of talking about food in a restrictive or controlling way was Lauren, before she married Josiah. 

Sometimes survivors of sexual abuse gain excess weight, but I don't see that either. But there are also folks with excess weight that have had no trauma, so it wouldn't necessarily mean anything.

From the outside looking in, I personally see no food issues with any of the Duggars. I do however, sadly see some telltale signs with the JRod kids.

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2 hours ago, Zella said:

I also wouldn't be surprised if it was basically like Lord of the Flies at dinner even when they had plenty and that created some psychological issues of its own, especially for some of the kids who were quieter, smaller, or less aggressive. (Or caused some of the ones with more dominant personalities to double down on that as a survival tactic.)

Given the mean streak and the cruel sense of "humor" that runs through the family, I wouldn't be surprised if there was also some bullying going on at mealtime. I can easily see Josh snatching food off the younger kids' plates and cramming it into his mouth or taunting them by holding it just out of their reach and making them jump for it. And, of course, Jim Bob would probably find that hilarious.

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(edited)
22 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Since this is Jessa's thread ...

If we look at her as a newlywed and her as a mom of three, we can see she was clueless about what constitutes a meal, never mind a healthy meal and had to learn from Ben. But as others mentioned I see that as laziness and not much prior knowledge about healthy eating. But not an unhealthy relationship with food. Jill was and still is a little clueless in that area, but I don't think Derick knows any better either.

As for the plate lickers - Joe, Josie and one other, I see that as bad manners.

As @Zella mentioned, most eating disorders usually stem from needing control and one could argue the Duggar household could be ripe for that. But I don't see any telltale signs of eating disorders. No one is extremely thin or extremely heavy, no one has thinning hair, bad teeth, bloating or unusual facial hair. In the few times they've eaten on camera, I've never seen anyone play with their food (besides Josie), inhale their food, or not eat. The only one I've even heard of talking about food in a restrictive or controlling way was Lauren, before she married Josiah. 

Sometimes survivors of sexual abuse gain excess weight, but I don't see that either. But there are also folks with excess weight that have had no trauma, so it wouldn't necessarily mean anything.

From the outside looking in, I personally see no food issues with any of the Duggars. I do however, sadly see some telltale signs with the JRod kids.

I'm not really talking about an eating disorder, so much as a dysfunctional relationship with food. I have no outward tell-tale signs of anything being disordered. I'm overweight, but I don't have the physical markers of someone who has an eating disorder and I'm on my best behavior around other people. If you were to ask most people in my life, including my family, they wouldn't have a clue. The only ones who know are friends I had in college who were around me 24/7 and were eventually like "what the fuck is wrong with you--this is weird and disturbing." But other coworkers and classmates and even family members have no clue and to meet me in person you wouldn't know or even to eat a meal with me, you wouldn't know 

I don't think the Duggars have an eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia. But I don't think that means that a problem doesn't exist. The fact it occurs in so many siblings in various forms is what makes me think it is systematic and, if nothing else, symptoms of unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Edited by Zella
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My dad was always a very fast eater.  He would be finished before the rest of us were starting to eat.  I have two theories.  One, when he was a kid, he had to eat fast to make sure he got his share (his family was not food deprived, they just didn't have much to go around), and, second, my grandmother was not a good cook, at all.  I think he ate fast so he couldn't taste the food as much. (I used to dread having to eat at her house).  I think in the case of the Duggers, the kids had to eat fast to get their share, and, as the family grew, it was every one for himself.

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(edited)
38 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Since this is Jessa's thread ...

If we look at her as a newlywed and her as a mom of three, we can see she was clueless about what constitutes a meal, never mind a healthy meal and had to learn from Ben. But as others mentioned I see that as laziness and not much prior knowledge about healthy eating. But not an unhealthy relationship with food. Jill was and still is a little clueless in that area, but I don't think Derick knows any better either.

As for the plate lickers - Joe, Josie and one other, I see that as bad manners.

As @Zella mentioned, most eating disorders usually stem from needing control and one could argue the Duggar household could be ripe for that. But I don't see any telltale signs of eating disorders. No one is extremely thin or extremely heavy, no one has thinning hair, bad teeth, bloating or unusual facial hair. In the few times they've eaten on camera, I've never seen anyone play with their food (besides Josie), inhale their food, or not eat. The only one I've even heard of talking about food in a restrictive or controlling way was Lauren, before she married Josiah. 

Sometimes survivors of sexual abuse gain excess weight, but I don't see that either. But there are also folks with excess weight that have had no trauma, so it wouldn't necessarily mean anything.

From the outside looking in, I personally see no food issues with any of the Duggars. I do however, sadly see some telltale signs with the JRod kids.

You don’t see Jinger as extremely thin? Maybe not so much right now, but certainly in the past. I’ve done work with patients with eating disorders and she definitely fits the profile.

Edited by DangerousMinds
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7 minutes ago, DangerousMinds said:

You don’t see Jinger as extremely thin? Maybe not so much right now, but certainly in the past. I’ve done work with patients with eating disorders and she definitely fits the profile.

I agree, a childhood like Jinger's could contribute to an eating disorder, but no, I don't see Jinger as extremely thin. If you look back at pictures from when she was young she was always the tinier one. I think that's her build. 

I used to be very slim, extremely slim by some standards, but I didn't look like someone struggling with anorexia and I wasn't. Jinger looks healthy to me.

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20 hours ago, rue721 said:

Ew, why would adults put themselves through that?! 🤮 These are the least sensual people on the planet.

Please eat your properly heated food, served on a plate, while sitting at the table, Duggars! Honestly that’s just being a human.

I don’t blame kids when they’re not fed properly because what do they know, but it’s bizarre to me that adults who could presumably heat and eat their food properly chose to live like that. Tables and bowls are not newfangled tech.

I still eat at the table for every meal, whether I’m eating alone or not. It’s not that I’m so formal, it’s just so much more comfortable. I mean that is literally what they were made for!

I love this.  I eat in the living room (i live alone) and like the tv on for noise.. and I also make "formal" food.. Tonight is steak tips (only once a month) and spinach.. but i make it like i'm LIVING LIFE..LOL

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2 hours ago, Boston said:

I love this.  I eat in the living room (i live alone) and like the tv on for noise.. and I also make "formal" food.. Tonight is steak tips (only once a month) and spinach.. but i make it like i'm LIVING LIFE..LOL

Yeah, I guess my thing is, I’m not too good for a lot of things... but I am too good to be eating cold soup out of a can while standing up somewhere! Basically everybody is too good for that.

That said, I am not trying to be the dining table police. I grew up in a household where eating together at the table for three hot meals a day was the norm and that’s still my default. I also hate eating in the car or on the run and would honestly rather just not eat. I was a waitress/bartender for about a decade and I also refused to eat the little snacks and stuff off the line even when I was really hungry... if I can’t sit and enjoy my food then I don’t want it. Weird thing to be a snob about, I know 😂 
 

I think the Duggars probably had food in the house, but the kids weren’t allowed to just take what they wanted, Michelle and JB weren’t cooking or having family meals (they still don’t), and the older girls probably didn’t have a lot of time to eat anyhow. It seems like a chaotic household and on top of that they had a lot of babysitting and other domestic stuff to do. I don’t think the kids were purposefully starved but I don’t think anybody really gave a thought to what they were eating or with whom or when or why. So they waited until they were famished and then ate canned green beans with vinegar and drank tomato sauce and other weird stuff from the pantry. Not trying to be offensive, maybe vinegar green beans and stuff are a thing, but that was also obviously stuff the kids could pull directly from the pantry and get in their stomach ASAP. I don’t think it was really about lack of food but rather lack of attention/parenting. And I also agree that control is a HUGE issue in this crowd and food being a control issue both in terms of providing it and eating it is probably still a huge issue.

I think Jessa is raising her kids more or less the same way as she was raised, which is why Henry is constantly stealing random food from the fridge or even the garden and falling asleep with food in his mouth. I think she thinks it’s cute and mischievous and she looks like a soft hearted mom for just gazing fondly at her little “troublemaker” instead of beating his ass for stealing food. But what it seems like to me is that that kid is hungry and needs more actual meals! Ben seems to care about healthy eating and may have better domestic habits, but he also seems super checked out nowadays.

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5 hours ago, BigBingerBro said:

Why id that spice rack at floor level?  Seems like an odd placement.

Maybe it's a pull-out for spices that she hasn't shoved back into the cabinet? We have one of those and I love it--basically a very skinny pantry cabinet that holds four shelves of 2x2 or so spices. The handle doesn't make sense for that answer in this picture, though, so I'm not sure?

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7 hours ago, iwantcookies said:

 In a few months no one is going to hold you anymore. Ivy will be sleeping next to Henry on the floor clutching crackers. Forgotten...

All of jessa's kids are a little too worried about food for my liking.

Spurgeon was literally hovering over some pan fried fish like it was a brand new toy, he stood there sniffing and SNIFFING the fish as he drooled and exclaimed how yummy it smells and how he can't wait to eat it.

Henry steals and sneaks food all the time, then he finds a corner to hide and eat it, we've seen him sneak chicken tenders and crackers, he dropped a candy in the dirt and dug around until he found it and ate it, one night they were having fried chicken and Henry was given 2 small pieces, he worried the whole time that he might not get more, he kept saying "I want more chickens", we've also seen  him gobbling peppers out of Jana's garden like he was starving and even Ben knew it was ridiculous because he told Jessa that they needed to take the kids out and get them some food.

Ivy is much like Henry and seems overly worried and greedy if there's food involved.

I had a friend years ago and her kids remind me of the Seewalds, they came to visit us from out of town and stayed at our home for a few days...the first morning hubby and I made breakfast, I was standing at the stove frying up a big pan of bacon and their kids wouldn't leave me alone, all they kept asking was "is that bacon for us?" so I said it was for everyone and they said "but will we get to have bacon or is it just for the adults? and all the while they were literally surrounding me and their faces were at the same height as the stove top so I told them they needed to go play and we'll call them when it's ready but they wouldn't leave, they just kept obsessing over the bacon, counting the pieces and asking how many pieces they could have.... It was bizarre.

Hubby was outside using the BBQ to cook eggs and pancakes and they did the same thing to him, asking how many eggs and pancakes they were allowed to have... Meanwhile I'm finished with the bacon and started setting the table, I put a pitcher of milk at each end of the table and then they started obsessing over the milk and wanting to know how many glasses of milk they could have....while this was going on our kids were playing and couldn't care less about the breakfast....I thought my goodness these kids must not be getting enough food if they're that obsessed.

Children who grow up in orphanages are often obsessed with food because they never get enough and they're always hungry.

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Upthread someone mentioned lack of schedule may be contributing to food issues.  I could see how it's possible if the kids are used to a lifestyle that's an endless loop of go with the flow, get up when you get up, drop when you're ready to sleep, therefore no set times to expect breakfast, lunch or dinner could present itself problematically.   The kids may scramble around searching for what they can put in their mouths because they are aware that the fact their belly is signaling hunger has zero relation to when meal time might actually occur.  

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15 minutes ago, Tikichick said:

Upthread someone mentioned lack of schedule may be contributing to food issues.  I could see how it's possible if the kids are used to a lifestyle that's an endless loop of go with the flow, get up when you get up, drop when you're ready to sleep, therefore no set times to expect breakfast, lunch or dinner could present itself problematically.   The kids may scramble around searching for what they can put in their mouths because they are aware that the fact their belly is signaling hunger has zero relation to when meal time might actually occur.  

This can occur in even well run households if a child or children don't follow the usual family pattern.  My granddaughter used to get into trouble for foraging and I explained to my daughter over and over that we used to have dinner at 4:30 or 5:00 because when she was that age it was feed her then or she'd be too tired to eat.  They would so much rather eat as a family at 7 when the granddaughter is about ready for bed.  They did try feeding the children earlier for awhile, but making two meals or the father having to reheat food got old, too.  Now they have healthy food for the daughter available and she's allowed to pick through the dinner items for what she wants as a second dinner.  She's gradually becoming able to wait and eats less of a meal at 4:30 to 5:00.  With so many kids and more than likely irregular food times growing up, Jessa probably can't even recognize it as a problem.  To her it's probably normal as it was what happened all around her.   She may even be glad when the kids reach a stage to forage for themselves.  

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3 hours ago, Absolom said:

This can occur in even well run households if a child or children don't follow the usual family pattern.  My granddaughter used to get into trouble for foraging and I explained to my daughter over and over that we used to have dinner at 4:30 or 5:00 because when she was that age it was feed her then or she'd be too tired to eat.  They would so much rather eat as a family at 7 when the granddaughter is about ready for bed.  They did try feeding the children earlier for awhile, but making two meals or the father having to reheat food got old, too.  Now they have healthy food for the daughter available and she's allowed to pick through the dinner items for what she wants as a second dinner.  She's gradually becoming able to wait and eats less of a meal at 4:30 to 5:00.  With so many kids and more than likely irregular food times growing up, Jessa probably can't even recognize it as a problem.  To her it's probably normal as it was what happened all around her.   She may even be glad when the kids reach a stage to forage for themselves.  

But as you pointed out, all foraging is not equal.   Matter of fact, now I'm wondering if it's related to Joy's little one "playing" in the pantry and making the mess?

For at least six years, probably more, we were unable to eat as a family a good five nights a week because each of our daughters was involved in various activities with conflicting schedules.   Sometimes their individual schedules meant I picked them up from an activity  and they ate dinner from the thermal container I brought their meal in while I drove them to a second activity.   Those were hard years.   

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On 3/7/2021 at 3:11 PM, CalicoKitty said:

My dad was always a very fast eater.  He would be finished before the rest of us were starting to eat.  I have two theories.  One, when he was a kid, he had to eat fast to make sure he got his share (his family was not food deprived, they just didn't have much to go around), and, second, my grandmother was not a good cook, at all.  I think he ate fast so he couldn't taste the food as much. (I used to dread having to eat at her house).  I think in the case of the Duggers, the kids had to eat fast to get their share, and, as the family grew, it was every one for himself.

My dad was a fast eater but he grew up in post war Germany and often there wasn't enough food to eat. When he would eat a steak, a chop or chicken, he would clean it down to the bones. My husband is a fast eater but not from starving, he had an older brother that would take most of the food, so you ate fast if you wanted seconds. He isn't a big eater, just wolfs it down. I remember when we first had met, we were at McDonald's. I was still unwrapping my burger and he had finished his cheese burger. I told him then he had to wait until I started eating. He sometimes forgets. 

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On 3/7/2021 at 11:45 PM, jcbrown said:

Maybe it's a pull-out for spices that she hasn't shoved back into the cabinet? We have one of those and I love it--basically a very skinny pantry cabinet that holds four shelves of 2x2 or so spices. The handle doesn't make sense for that answer in this picture, though, so I'm not sure?

Also those look like the nice matching spices (McCormick w/the green lids?) rather than the “oops I’m out of cumin so I’ll just grab the Great Value brand” type most of us probably have. 

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(edited)
9 hours ago, Tdoc72 said:

Also those look like the nice matching spices (McCormick w/the green lids?) rather than the “oops I’m out of cumin so I’ll just grab the Great Value brand” type most of us probably have. 

Haha....I'll admit that while I am far from being particularly organized in the kitchen, or pedantic about things being at all standardized, I will, when I buy off brand spices, or ones I find on sale that are different than the ones in my spice rack,  refill the old, matching jars with the new spices. Inside the kitchen cabinet is another story, because I probably have about a gazillion other herbs and spices in there which are not standard on any spice rack I've ever seen, all jumbled up in wildly varying brands and sizes. But the rack on the counter looks perfect.

Edited by Jynnan tonnix
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