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Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House


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The Duggars post about politics on social media frequently, but these social media posts are not an invitation to discuss politics here in this forum. This rule extends to Duggar adjacent families, friends, associates etc. Such discussions are a violation of the Politics Policy. 

I understand with recent current events there may be a desire to discuss certain social media postings of those in the Duggar realm as they relate to politics- this is not the place for those discussions. If you believe someone has violated forum rules, report them, do not respond or engage.

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Oh god. Just watched the video. The sight of all the little ones so miserable sitting around that couch while Michelle sat on JB's lap and they recited some Biblical story was like some SNL sketch. Also they mentioned "Derick" several times in the video so it seems like he was around the premises but none of the Dillards were on camera. That's ... weird. It's one thing for them not to be on TLC but not to be in some family video?

Also love how the energy level sapped whenever JB and Michelle spoke. 

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7 minutes ago, galaxychaser said:

I guess it means Jill is estranged from her family.

I think Derelict and Boob are estranged. Jessa complimented Jill on her haircut, so while they see each other rarely, still have some contact. 

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A child behaving inappropriately, being properly scolded and redirected, BY HIS FATHER, and they move on.  It was a nice interaction.  And Jessa didn't make a fuss about it, just let it happen and moved on.

 

Also, while I understand that there is a more organized and "family" way that the Duggars could have done Christmas, their holiday looks a lot like the one I had as a child and that the next generation still has now.  It's messy, and disorganized, but it works.

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I found the Duggar Christmas video the most real film of their family I have seen, including all the years of TLC. There was a lot of chaos, and it would drive me crazy, but I also saw a lot of kids helping other kids, groups of young adults and adults helping the youngsters, and clean up helpers all around. Seems like the religious part was mostly ignored by the majority. I’d like to see more unscripted real documentaries about how this family REALLY works.

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This looked like Christmas at my grandparent's house when I was young, with about a tenth of the people and no preaching. I didn't like crowds even as a kid, so I generally escaped to a quiet corner to read as soon as I could, but like the Duggars, people collected in little groups to visit for a bit and then moved on to the another group. 

I do think Michelle sitting on JB's lap was not necessary, as well as Abby sitting on JD's lap at the end. Josie acts a lot younger than her actual age, but also a lot like the youngest, most spoiled child in a large family. Her snuggling up to JB is probably the first natural, spontaneous display of affection I've seen between JB or Michelle and their kids. 

All in all, with the exception of Lauren & Abby, everyone else seemed to be enjoying themselves. 

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I admit to giggling at the guys playing with Henry's fishing game.  🙂

Also, the abuse of vinyl by dropping the needle on the record player made me wince momentarily, but I like the fact that the kids like music and it's not hymns or nothing for the Duggars.

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It makes me happy to see that for at least one time out of the year the Duggar kids & grands get more personal brand new gifts that someone took the time to pick out especially for them. 

In the past the older kids were shown getting thrift store gifts &  bag of their favorite candy (that Mechelle was so proud she could remember) for their birthday so it must feel special for them at Christmas. 

It seemed very overwhelming to the daughters-in-law. Abbie, Lauren & even Kendra looked like they wished they could be anywhere else but there during certain times.

I guess it's good they label the kid's toys but it's sad that the poor little ones were getting their new toys taken out of their hands to be labeled before they could even see the present. Same thing with the trash. I know you have to keep up with it but some of the Lost Girls looked like they were grabbing the paper out of the little one's hands before they even had the gift unwrapped. (But I do realize they had to clean up the wrapping paper before helping with other chores while their older brothers got to play with their new toys.) 

Poor Jana & the Lost Girls, that was a lot of food to prepare. 

Did they ever show what was in the zip lock gift bags from JB & Mechelle?  I think Jessa just said it was treats but I'm wondering what kind of treats?  Was a check for $50 or $100 for each child or married family included like other parents  give?  I know it was a lot of bags to get together but I think Mechelle could have gotten Christmasy bags to put the treats in.   Do the kids do separate gifts for  Mom & Pops or do they all go together & contribute to one big gift?  Or do they even give them a gift? 

Did Jessa mention that it was sad since this was the first Christmas without Grandma Mary?  I'm sure she was missed - she seemed to help out where needed. 

 As other posters have pointed out, each family has it's  own traditions & if it works for them that's fine by me.  I'm just thankful for my family & that I'm not a part of theirs.

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I’m not so sure Jill is estranged as she and Derrick were both in the the gift exchange list (I think Jesse had Jill as a gift buddy). I do think Derrick and JB prefer not to be around each other so there’s some delicate navigation that has to go on. I think a true estrangement would have resulted in Jill and Derick declining to participate in the gift exchange at all.

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I grew up in a large family (about 1/3 the size of the Duggar clan) and the chaos of the Duggar Christmas was stressful to me! I did not enjoy seeing the bird book snatched from Spurgeon so his name could be written on it by a lost girl. I can see the necessity of labeling toys, but it was the snatching away that was jarring to me. I was also appalled by pogo sticking inside the house and drones flying all about. And Michelle's obsession with the Happy Birthday Jesus sign was.....odd!  Everything about that "home" is cold and weird to me. I would guess that the in-laws from more normal sized families hate their Christmas day at the TTH. OTOH, there were some nice moments of helpfulness and the kids did get some nice things. I think that the idea of getting one name and buying for that person is probably the best solution for such a large family.  Jessa did a pretty good job of showing different vignettes to give an idea of a Duggar Christmas.  I was surprised to hear that JBoob recommended to his boys that they read the instructions before putting that car together. That seemed sensible!

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10 hours ago, galaxychaser said:

I guess it means Jill is estranged from her family.

Yep, and I hate it for Jill and the boy’s sake.  It must make Jill feel terrible, and Israel and Sam should’ve been having fun playing with all of their cousins.  Ma and Pa Duggar must be heartbroken.  I’ll bet they despise Derrick.

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21 minutes ago, farmgal4 said:

Yep, and I hate it for Jill and the boy’s sake.  It must make Jill feel terrible, and Israel and Sam should’ve been having fun playing with all of their cousins.  Ma and Pa Duggar must be heartbroken.  I’ll bet they despise Derrick.

So wait what, JB's 30 pages of questions to a suitor didn't get the ideal fundie mate who toes the duggar line??

I bet they are not heartbroken but are justifying instead.

My brother in law is a fundie type pastor. When his daughter got divorced he told anyone and everyone he thought about how it "would reflect on him" then decided he was in the clear because she was under her husband's headship so any sin/failure was on the husband..

but his only consideration was how it reflected on him. No concern for his daughter or the 7 grandchildren under age 12 involved.

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9 hours ago, Love2dance said:

I found the Duggar Christmas video the most real film of their family I have seen, including all the years of TLC. There was a lot of chaos, and it would drive me crazy, but I also saw a lot of kids helping other kids, groups of young adults and adults helping the youngsters, and clean up helpers all around. Seems like the religious part was mostly ignored by the majority. I’d like to see more unscripted real documentaries about how this family REALLY works.

I must admit that I enjoyed watching the video.  I thought it was nicely controlled chaos, and everyone, except Lauren, seemed to be enjoying themselves.  Lauren was probably pissed that Josiah was hanging out with the guys and having a good time, instead of giving her 100% of his attention.  The more I see of Lauren, the more convinced I am that Josiah made a dreadful mistake by marrying her.  The highlight of the video IMO was when Henry bonked Spurgie on the head. 😂 It didn’t bother Spurgie in the least, so it’s probably a fairly common occurrence.  I loved watching the little boys playing with their new toys.  I thought Ivy being pushed around in the little car was adorable.

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I felt bad for Lauren. I don't have kids and I don't hate my in-laws, but if I were a new mom, I'd want to spend Christmas with my family. Maybe they went to the Swansons in the afternoon, but Christmas morning is special and not something I'd choose to celebrate lost in the horde at the TTH. Abbie looked pretty miserable as well.

Edited by BitterApple
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I hope these bumpkins recycle, but alas, I am positive they don't.  This makes me mad.

Lauren just ooozes a pompous, holier than thou attitude. I swear, if she were standing next to me, I would smack her.

Spurge continues to be adorable. Not only physically, but he has the cutest little personality. Glad to see Henry singing and increasing his vocabulary.

I wish my family gave be a pickle in plastic with my name on it for Christmas.

They didn't.

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Lauren has a family that's big and i'm sure probably just as chaotic, so it's not the business that was an issue. I'm sure it's that in that setting she's not "special". No one is paying any more attention to her than they are to anyone else and I bet that grates. She was dressed way up compared to everyone else and had her fashionable boots and hat on for a good portion of the video. She seems so stuck up, I would just want to stay away from her. 

I also thought it was the most "normal" video we've ever seen of the Duggars. I also think it gave an unintentional glimpse of the disregard the older Duggar kids have for their parents. None of them were really paying attention during Michelle's spiel and one of the males was blatantly on a social media account. They may still be towing the line publicly, but I do wonder what they really think/feel. 

Agreed that Abbie looked miserable, but she's close to delivery time right? So all of that noise and movement around her has got to be irritating. Spurgeon seems like a very quiet kid, he joined in with the play eventually but was content to sit away with his little book. 

Sinner twin looks sooo much better than Jed2020. I believe he must have a real spark of rebellion for them to have not pushed him to the forefront. Jed2020 is not going to appeal as much to non-leghumpers as that one would.

Ivy is adorable and seems very easygoing. One benefit to their huge family is that the kids are going to get used to being passed around and loved on by many hands. That usually leads to a much easier baby. However, no one but Si or Lauren held Bella did they? Very interesting.  

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Just looking at the video stresses me out.  I come from a small family and all that commotion would make me a nervous wreck.  Give me a quiet Christmas any time.  Of course, I'm an old stick-in-the-mud fuddy-duddy, so maybe in my youth, I'd feel differently.

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2 hours ago, farmgal4 said:

Yep, and I hate it for Jill and the boy’s sake.  It must make Jill feel terrible, and Israel and Sam should’ve been having fun playing with all of their cousins.  Ma and Pa Duggar must be heartbroken.  I’ll bet they despise Derrick.

The Duggars are toxic with abhorrent beliefs. Maybe it’s best that the Dillards  distance themselves. JMO.

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I don’t blame Abby being miserable. She is ready to birth the glowing alien baby. That pic is my favorite haha. Looks like the kid will glow in the dark. 

I bet Abby either wanted to be with her mom or home sleeping not eating tot casserole and other salt slop.

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I wonder why Jessa is making videos again. I remember her trying a while back and received some harsh feedback. 

I'm thinking maybe to gain more interest in the show and because Jill and Jinger are very active on SM.

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1 hour ago, Zella said:

Well, to be fair, though, they have created an incredibly toxic environment for their children. I don't really think Jim Bob and Michelle are the victims here, that Derick is the villain (though I do think he is a little shit), or that Jill is all that distraught at missing out on time with them. So, I see Jill not being there as more an indication of Jill finally seeing through her parents' bullshit than Derick being an ogre who prevents her from seeing her family. 

If they can lose JILL, Jill, the truest believer, they can lose anyone. That must terrify Jim Bob and Meech.

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Sometimes adult children move away from the behemoth that is the larger family, and that's ok.  For the Duggars, it's probably jarring, but it's part of growing up for some people.  I feel for Jill and the others who are affected most (close siblings and her kids), but I think it's probably positive for her to have her own life.  I have a few close relatives who, once they were adults and had their own families, stopped living in the close orbit of our large and overly close family.  Sometimes you pull back.  Sometimes you fall back in, sometimes you want to and it's a good thing, and sometimes you skip town to enforce your boundaries.  Everyone, every family, is different.  Jill will be fine.

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28 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

If they can lose JILL, Jill, the truest believer, they can lose anyone. That must terrify Jim Bob and Meech.

Indeed! I think they have circled the proverbial wagons around any other kid they think might cast off the shackles. If Sinner Twin did spend the holidays with Jill, I hope he doesn't end up at ALERT for some preventative brainwashing. 😞

I really don't think Jill ever would have broken away if her married life had been as uneventful as she probably anticipated. But I think the difficult births combined with whatever it is like to be married to Derick (I imagine it is not great for a fragile person), the years-long odyssey of Derick's teeth repair that never quite worked, the public outing of her childhood molestation, whatever the hell that happened in Danger America that so badly affected her, and the reality blast of being booted off the show probably was a real eye-opener for her.

Also, I don't like Cathy, but I think she is probably the first woman Jill has ever been around who had a normal number of children, wore pants and short hair, amd worked outside the home, and it had probably never occurred to jill before that that you could be a Christian and not embrace all her parents' beliefs. 

To bring this back to the Seewalds, I feel like Jessa is having more to do with her in-laws--at least publicly--than she had. I don't know what to make of it, but that is interesting to me.

Edited by Zella
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1 minute ago, Zella said:

Indeed! I really don't think Jill ever would have broken away if her married life had been as uneventful as she probably anticipated. But I think the difficult births combined with whatever it is like to be married to Derick (I imagine it is not great for a fragile person), the years-long odyssey of Derick's teeth repair that never quite worked, the public outing of her childhood molestation, whatever the hell that happened in Danger America that so badly affected her, and the reality blast of being booted off the show probably was a real eye-opener for her.

Also, I don't like Cathy, but I think she is probably the first woman Jill has ever been around who had a normal number of children, wore pants and short hair, amd worked outside the home, and it had probably never occurred to jill before that that you could be a Christian and not embrace all her parents' beliefs. 

To bring this back to the Seewalds, I feel like Jessa is having more to do with her in-laws--at least publicly--than she had. I don't know what to make of it, but that is interesting to me.

Jessa is the only daughter who has not changed her lifestyle one iota after getting married. I think it shows how insecure she is outside of the Fundy circle. I'm guessing between her insecurities and distance, it took this long for her to be somewhat comfortable around the Seewalds.

At least with the Seewalds Jessa gets some exposure to mainstream living.

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1 minute ago, GeeGolly said:

Jessa is the only daughter who has not changed her lifestyle one iota after getting married. I think it shows how insecure she is outside of the Fundy circle. I'm guessing between her insecurities and distance, it took this long for her to be somewhat comfortable around the Seewalds.

Yeah I could definitely see that.

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I watched the video and agree that this is probably closer to their real Christmas than what we will see on TLC, unless Jessa did a severe editing job.  Y'all know how I feel about their awful beliefs and am certainly no fan of JB and Michelle.  The babies are adorable and there was less chaos than I would have expected.  In the video, everyone was using their "inside" voices, unless Jessa edited out any noise.  Kids got interesting toys and of course no "buy used and save the difference".  If I didn't know better and also about the Josh scandal, I would think "what a nice family".  Except I do know.  Sad that those children are all being programmed and will be fearful and uneducated.

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Do they only buy for the name pulled from the hat? Otherwise it seems everyone was just ripping open random presents without knowing who put thought into buying the gift.

I didn't see one child or adult thank anyone for their gifts either.

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25 minutes ago, Zella said:

Indeed! I think they have circled the proverbial wagons around any other kid they think might cast off the shackles. If Sinner Twin did spend the holidays with Jill, I hope he doesn't end up at ALERT for some preventative brainwashing. 😞

 If that’s the case, they better slip a LoJack on Jingle. She’s escaping through the back door! 

At least until the money runs out and she’s spit out into the porn industry like most girls who flee to LA. 

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4 minutes ago, JoanArc said:

 If that’s the case, they better slip a LoJack on Jingle. She’s escaping through the back door! 

At least until the money runs out and she’s spit out into the porn industry like most girls who flee to LA. 

I think Jinger's "revolt" is more surface level appearance than anything. I actually don't think Michelle and JB are that worried about losing her from the fold. She and RPP (I've switched to Reverend Pissy Pants after his sulky birthday pics) aren't going to jump off the money train.

Edited by Zella
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Spurgie was so into his bird book, I thought that was really sweet and a very thoughtful gift. 

It seemed like the gift givers gave the gifts directly to the recipient. I got that impression from Joy showing the clothes for baby Bella. (Bella? Is that Siah and Lauren's kid?) 

I know pillows are hard to wrap, but a trash bag? Really? 

I liked seeing the older boys play with the games. It was very natural and not forced like their TV interactions feel. 

Was the record player scratchy sounding on purpose? That would annoy me. 

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49 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

Jessa is the only daughter who has not changed her lifestyle one iota after getting married. I think it shows how insecure she is outside of the Fundy circle. I'm guessing between her insecurities and distance, it took this long for her to be somewhat comfortable around the Seewalds.

At least with the Seewalds Jessa gets some exposure to mainstream living.

also Ben is the sort of laid-back kind of dude who probably just wants Jessa to be happy, so I could see him just doing what Jessa wants. 

I also think (this is important) that Ben comes from a family where there's regular communications and relationships, without the Duggar need to make everything the Bestest.Fundie.Family.Ever. So I think Jessa might be uncomfortable with the idea of a family that just spends time together without the need to broadcast it on TV as the Best.Fundie.Family.Ever. 

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12 minutes ago, cmr2014 said:

I agree. I understand that different families have different traditions, but the entire video struck me as the worst sort of advertisement for the worst elements of the holiday. It was just a bunch of completely disconnected people ripping open presents without any expression of gratitude to anyone, I suppose "being awful people" constitutes a Duggar "tradition," but I can't imagine why Jessa would post that video unless she thought it was normal, and perhaps relate-able in some way.

In the "ye olden times" where the Duggars like to pretend they live, women were relegated to the home - period. Women took a lot of pride in the work that they did in the home, and they took pride in keeping their homes clean, cooking food for their families, and making sure that everyone was clean and comfortable.

I'm constantly amazed that the humpers don't comment more about what awful homemakers the Duggars -- including J'Chelle -- really are. In every home I've ever been to -- or read about for that matter -- where these gender norms prevail, women take their job seriously and do it to the best of their abilities. A major event like a big family Christmas would involve a lot of work -- some of the work might be delegated to daughters and DILs -- but it certainly would have been supervised by the matriarch:

  • Cleaning and decorating the house.
  • Making food -- tons of food. If not served at a table, the food would be presented in an attractive manner.
  • The gift distribution would have been choreographed -- possibly delegated to grandpa, or an older child, but not the wild scrum that we saw in that video.

A big event like this would have been an opportunity for a woman to showcase her ability to run a home, and manage and plan an event. Instead what we saw was just another day in Duggartown where nobody can be bothered to do much more than the bare minimum, and nobody gives a shit anyway.

Word to this entire post. The Duggars always seem to do everything half assed (besides reproduce) yet proclaim that their way of living is so perfect. There’s nothing wrong with a laid back family celebration, nothing at ALL, but I’ve never seen a group of women so committed to being SAHM that do it so POORLY. All aspects of it. I don’t expect every SAHM to be the expert at everything, but you’d think with so many if one each did the baking, cooking, cleaning, decorating, present distribution etc you’d have a flawless event. 
 

Especially for a holiday that’s going to be displayed on social media for millions of people. 
 

 

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21 minutes ago, cmr2014 said:

A big event like this would have been an opportunity for a woman to showcase her ability to run a home, and manage and plan an event. Instead what we saw was just another day in Duggartown where nobody can be bothered to do much more than the bare minimum, and nobody gives a shit anyway.

But, Mullet got to relive her glory days as a cheerleader with that megaphone.....and JB got to pretend he was Mullet's jock boyfriend with the lap-sitting. And Mull got to use her simpering baby voice. So that was all win-win for them.....and they're the ones who count.

Nobody gave a flying F about that birthday banner.

Cozy Coupe !!!!! And it wasn't sun-bleached and cracked.

Food looked horrid. Ditto the zip-lock bags full of CVS clearance Halloween candy.

That party needed booze in the worst way.

ETA: Thought the sacks of pillow matter were blow-up dolls for the J'guys. And they looked disappointed also.

 

Edited by drafan
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IMO the general grubby chaos of that home -- not the least of which is taking a seat on what has to be a horrendously filthy sofa, likely is particularly uncomfortable for several of them not born Duggar.  Abby seems neat and tidy.  Lauren presents neat and tidy -- and had her infant daughter in tow.  Perhaps that's why they both looked less than perky.

No doubt it's a struggle for Kendra, it's simply that her genuinely polite and agreeable nature is tougher to allow her to show something is bothering her.

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27 minutes ago, Tikichick said:

IMO the general grubby chaos of that home -- not the least of which is taking a seat on what has to be a horrendously filthy sofa, likely is particularly uncomfortable for several of them not born Duggar.  

I noticed several of the boys had their shoed feet resting on the fabric-covered ottoman. Even basic manners seem to escape them.

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16 hours ago, cmr2014 said:

I'm just going to harp on this some more because I can't let it go.

I come from a large family (not as large as the Duggars, of course), but we were able to have a normal Christmas with presents passed out and opened in front of the family with appropriate oohs and ahhs, and "thank yous" too. If they are doing a gift exchange with people buying one present for a selected person -- as Jessa says -- the Duggars could do that, too.

In the morning, they could gather around the tree, and the small children could open their gifts as members of a family. Then, the adults could help to open packages and put things together while lunch was prepared.

Then, the family could gather around the table together and share a nice holiday meal.

After lunch, the kids could play with their new toys while the adults opened their gifts (if they weren't such prigs, a little alcohol might be nice for this part of the day), and then everyone could pack up and go home.

It could even be a rite of passage to move from the "Kids Christmas" to the "Adult Christmas" at 13 or 14 or so.

The Duggars are just not people who should have had any kids, much less 19, that they just can't seem to make anything warm, loving, or happy. 

I wanna spend Christmas with your family!

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I have a big extended family. When I was younger, I enjoyed seeing everyone. I still enjoy seeing most of the family, but it gets more overwhelming the older I get.  I bet a lot of the kids like Jill and Jinger with smaller families of their own start to find the TTH overwhelming when they go back. One of my family members grew up in a larger family and even she gets overwhelmed in all the chaos of her large family now. I always got the sense Jill was quieter anyway.

If there is some estrangement between Jill and the rest of her family, I feel a little bad for Jill. JB and Michelle deserve it. I doubt they missed her with all the chaos. 

Jessa is a lot like her parents although so are Joy and Austin. I get the sense Jessa might change if the show goes away and the money dwindles down, she'll change. 

 

Edited by Temperance
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