Jessa, Ben and Their Brood: Making a (Diaper) Mountain out of a Mold House

[graefin]

It's each kid for themself in that house. 

Jessa's either checked out or preoccupied with filming, but either way, the video doesn't make her look like a great parent. Was she disciplined so harshly as a child that she now goes the opposite way and there are no rules whatsoever in her household? 

I keep thinking she used to be better and something happened, but maybe now that the kids are older, her atrocious parenting skills are becoming more obvious. 

[lascuba]

1 hour ago, graefin said:

It's each kid for themself in that house. 

Jessa's either checked out or preoccupied with filming, but either way, the video doesn't make her look like a great parent. Was she disciplined so harshly as a child that she now goes the opposite way and there are no rules whatsoever in her household? 

I keep thinking she used to be better and something happened, but maybe now that the kids are older, her atrocious parenting skills are becoming more obvious. 

I think she really was much better with Spurgeon, that she felt so different with him than she did as a sister mom that she had the desire and energy to be a good, engaged mom with him. What happened since? My guess is that the cracks in her marriage became to large to ignore and that all the love in the world doesn't make caring for multiple children easier. It also doesn't help that Jessa's personality is particularly ill-suited for fundie wife and mother life. She could have a great marriage and financial security, and she'd still eventually crack.

[Rootbeer]

4 minutes ago, lascuba said:

I think she really was much better with Spurgeon, that she felt so different with him than she did as a sister mom that she had the desire and energy to be a good, engaged mom with him. What happened since? My guess is that the cracks in her marriage became to large to ignore and that all the love in the world doesn't make caring for multiple children easier. It also doesn't help that Jessa's personality is particularly ill-suited for fundie wife and mother life. She could have a great marriage and financial security, and she'd still eventually crack.

This.  Some women are not cut out to be SAHM's with a bunch of kids.  Jessa seems to be one of them and, unfortunately, she is part of a cult that doesn't allow women other choices.  Had she had just a couple of kids and had a job or anything else to give her an outlet outside of the house; I think she'd be a much better mother.  As it is, I think she is doing the bare minimum with her kids because she has checked out and just can't engage anymore.  She's her mother's daughter.  Too bad, it's going to be a while 'till Ivy is old enough to have the childrearing dumped in her lap.  Had Spurgeon been a girl, I am sure we'd already see him changing diapers, pushing the stroller and otherwise showing us what a great 'little mother' he is.

[lookeyloo]

If Ben is the teacher at the SOTDRT why doesn't he bring Spurgeon with him?

[Ohiopirate02]

2 minutes ago, lookeyloo said:

If Ben is the teacher at the SOTDRT why doesn't he bring Spurgeon with him?

I don't think Ben has been the SOTDRT teacher for a while now.  I think he has an actual job that neither he nor Jessa is willing to share publicly. I know he is some type of associate pastor at a local church, but I would not be surprised if he has an additional job on top of that.  

[GeeGolly]

Henry was born shortly after Spurge's first birthday and I don't remember Jessa being an extraordinary mom during the first year. I guess the fact she didn't wrap him up like a burrito or publicly blanket train him was a good thing.

[Zella]

1 hour ago, GeeGolly said:

Henry was born shortly after Spurge's first birthday and I don't remember Jessa being an extraordinary mom during the first year. I guess the fact she didn't wrap him up like a burrito or publicly blanket train him was a good thing.

I think it was the stark contrast with how Jill was doing on social media and initial expectations of Jessa. IIRC, Jill was posting a lot of stuff about how overwhelmed she was and just seemed far less nurturing/more resentful than had been expected since she'd been so active with her buddies while people had assumed Jessa would be more distant with her kid because of her personality and they were surprised when she didn't come across that way. So, for a while there, Jessa seemed to be ostensibly winning the parenting contest, at least among the Duggar girls, not because she was doing anything noteworthy but just because she seemed more competent and happy.  

My guess is Jessa became overwhelmed with multiple kids, but I also don't think she relates well to Henry. I think she understands Spurgeon's personality better and finds him easier to deal with, so Henry is a big cipher to her. 

[GeeGolly]

Poor Spurge. Jessa is shilling kids' clothing again. Either Jessa's come a long way and is letting her boy wear leggings or Spurge's ripped sweats are way too small. Oh, and she paired them with dress shoes.

[ginger90]

Screenshots from the video: (Jessa calls Spurgeon’s pants jeans)

[Westiepeach]

30 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Screenshots from the video: (Jessa calls Spurgeon’s pants jeans)

Poor Spurge's pants are cutting off MY circulation! And those shoes... ?

[iwantcookies]

Jessa needs to spend $ and buy S some clothes that fit. 2-3 outfits should be fine. He looks like a stuffed sausage. 

[Boston]

1 hour ago, Westiepeach said:

Poor Spurge's pants are cutting off MY circulation! And those shoes... ?

I always think it.. but don't say it:  THANK YOU GINGER!!

Just now, Boston said:

I always think it.. but don't say it:  THANK YOU GINGER!!

I don't know why this posted to you peach.  but the thought still remains

[lascuba]

I've long thought that the criticisms of the kids' clothing was way overblown, but those pants on Spurgeon? Yikes.

[iwantcookies]

Sorta like David Rodrigues in his sweat pants 🤣

[BitterApple]

They almost look like girl's jeans to me. I don't see little boys wearing skinny jeans with slits in the knees. Poor Spurge.

[Churchhoney]

1 hour ago, iwantcookies said:

Jessa needs to spend $ and buy S some clothes that fit. 2-3 outfits should be fine. He looks like a stuffed sausage. 

We're probably just bad judges of clothing. I mean, remember -- Jessa used to be on the lecture circuit as a Christian fashion expert. 

[Ijustwantsomechips]

Perhaps if she didn’t keep Spurge cooped up in that tiny house, and let him forage for junk food all day, he’d actually be able to wear the size she stuffs him into. There’s nothing wrong with Spurge being a little thicker than his cousins. He looks perfectly normal to me, especially for a child his age. She just needs to be realistic about his body type so she doesn’t completely screw his head up.  

I have three nephews that look like spaghetti, and one that looks like the meatball.  He needs husky while the others need slim and it’s no big deal.  Target and Old Navy can accommodate both types, but I think boys’ husky starts at size 8. Jessa needs to stop trying to be different and trendy and take her ass to the nearest discount store and local Shoe Carnival for some practical options since she clearly has no concept of dress loafers versus children’s play sneakers.  Then again, she wears dirty brown sandals with everything. 

[BitterApple]

I don't know if any of you guys lurk on Reddit, but someone posted a clip from Jessica Seewald's Instagram stories. I never knew this, but apparently she's been giving lectures on sexual assault at local colleges. I'm assuming this is part of her job as a police officer, but I'm kind of impressed. She seems to have truly found her calling, which makes me sad for the Duggar girls, who'll never get that chance.

Edited September 24, 2021 by BitterApple

[Zella]

17 minutes ago, BitterApple said:

I don't know if any of you guys lurk on Reddit, but someone posted a clip from Jessica Seewald's Instagram stories. I never knew this, but apparently she's been giving lectures on sexual assault at local colleges. I'm assuming this is part of her job as a police officer, but I'm kind of impressed. She seems to have truly found her calling, which makes me sad for the Duggar girls, who'll never get that chance.

I accidentally read this as Jessa, and for a second, I became the blinking white guy GIF.

[Liddy52]

18 minutes ago, Zella said:

I accidentally read this as Jessa, and for a second, I became the blinking white guy GIF.

Me too!!!!

[iwantcookies]

2 hours ago, BitterApple said:

They almost look like girl's jeans to me. I don't see little boys wearing skinny jeans with slits in the knees. Poor Spurge.

Ivy can wear them in a few years… under a dress of course 🙄

[Cinnabon]

24 minutes ago, Zella said:

I accidentally read this as Jessa, and for a second, I became the blinking white guy GIF.

Me, too!

[Absolom]

I'd put Spurge in elastic waist cargo pants and athletic pants with his body type.  He'd be much more comfortable and would look better IMO.  He might or might not need husky in those, but he could at least move.  

[Kellyee]

Spurgeon's pants look like the black ones my sister used to wear to horseback ride as a kid. Except for the weird slits in them. 

[BitterApple]

All this talk about fashion reminds me of that King Of The Hill episode when Bobby became a model for the husky boys clothing line. 

[GeeGolly]

I checked out PatPat. Spurge is wearing "trendy" jeans. Fortunately the waste is elastic. The clothes all seem to be under $15. Probably similar to what is sold in Walmart.

[madpsych78]

Jessa appears to have her favorites and they are Spurge and Ivy, probably because they are the oldest boy and girl, respectively. Henry has gotten lost in the mix. We'll see what happens with Fern, but I don't know that she'll be favored once she's older and after Jessa has had at least one more child after her.

[judyjudyjudy]

39 minutes ago, GeeGolly said:

I checked out PatPat. Spurge is wearing "trendy" jeans. Fortunately the waste is elastic. The clothes all seem to be under $15. Probably similar to what is sold in Walmart.

PatPat gets terrible reviews on complaintsboard.com and similar sites.  There are complaints on everything from the sizing being off to poor quality to shipping taking forever.  They are scraping the bottom of the barrel to partner with this terrible company.

[cmr2014]

On 9/23/2021 at 6:01 AM, graefin said:

It's each kid for themself in that house. 

Jessa's either checked out or preoccupied with filming, but either way, the video doesn't make her look like a great parent. Was she disciplined so harshly as a child that she now goes the opposite way and there are no rules whatsoever in her household? 

I keep thinking she used to be better and something happened, but maybe now that the kids are older, her atrocious parenting skills are becoming more obvious. 

I think it may have been both: no rules and harsh discipline.

I don't think there was any structure at the TTH, and the parents interacted very little with the children. There were also occasions, though, where their behavior irritated or embarrassed their parents, and in those cases, there were suddenly "rules" that they were supposed to know and follow, and they were probably disciplined harshly.

It wouldn't surprise me if Jessa was raising her children the same way.

 

[Cinnabon]

2 hours ago, judyjudyjudy said:

PatPat gets terrible reviews on complaintsboard.com and similar sites.  There are complaints on everything from the sizing being off to poor quality to shipping taking forever.  They are scraping the bottom of the barrel to partner with this terrible company.

And vice versa. This company is scraping the bottom of the barrel with the Duggars.

[satrunrose]

21 hours ago, cmr2014 said:

I think it may have been both: no rules and harsh discipline.

I don't think there was any structure at the TTH, and the parents interacted very little with the children. There were also occasions, though, where their behavior irritated or embarrassed their parents, and in those cases, there were suddenly "rules" that they were supposed to know and follow, and they were probably disciplined harshly.

It wouldn't surprise me if Jessa was raising her children the same way.

 

Oh, dear, that combination is a nightmare when a kid ends up in the opposite environment with lots of rules, but milder discipline, such as a school. Kids who live like that at home tend to get in trouble a lot, because the idea of structure and routine is so foreign, but also don't usually respond to 'a serious talking to' when that's so much milder than the discipline they're used to. Instead, they just get angry and resentful of their teachers and every misbehaviour snowballs.

[Jeeves]

5 minutes ago, satrunrose said:

Oh, dear, that combination is a nightmare when a kid ends up in the opposite environment with lots of rules, but milder discipline, such as a school. Kids who live like that at home tend to get in trouble a lot, because the idea of structure and routine is so foreign, but also don't usually respond to 'a serious talking to' when that's so much milder than the discipline they're used to. Instead, they just get angry and resentful of their teachers and every misbehaviour snowballs.

I agree, but because the chances of any of Jessa's kids ever going to school are somewhere between slim and none, it's unlikely they'll have that struggle to adjust.

[madpsych78]

1 hour ago, satrunrose said:

Oh, dear, that combination is a nightmare when a kid ends up in the opposite environment with lots of rules, but milder discipline, such as a school. Kids who live like that at home tend to get in trouble a lot, because the idea of structure and routine is so foreign, but also don't usually respond to 'a serious talking to' when that's so much milder than the discipline they're used to. Instead, they just get angry and resentful of their teachers and every misbehaviour snowballs.

That is a great point.

 

[ginger90]

2 hours ago, satrunrose said:

Oh, dear, that combination is a nightmare when a kid ends up in the opposite environment with lots of rules, but milder discipline, such as a school. Kids who live like that at home tend to get in trouble a lot, because the idea of structure and routine is so foreign, but also don't usually respond to 'a serious talking to' when that's so much milder than the discipline they're used to. Instead, they just get angry and resentful of their teachers and every misbehaviour snowballs.

On the other hand, children such as you described, can actually flourish in a school setting.

[satrunrose]

Very true! I'm a teacher, so I'm mostly aware of it when the transition is hard, but it isn't always, or maybe even in most cases.

[Lady Whistleup]

I think Jessa is one of those women who needs a job. When she was a J'slave she had a job and she was fairly efficient at it. 

But having her own kids (and so many of them in short order) seems to have broken her spirit. I feel like if she was a manager of a Wendy's she'd be gangbusters at it. But SAHM -- no. 

Thats okay by the way. I know a woman whose husband stays home and takes care of the kids while she wakes up at 5 every day to work. She loves it. She finds purpose in her work and is great at her job.

I feel like Jessa needs a job besides being a SAHM.

[EmeraldGirl]

Jenelle Evans used to do Pat Pat. They fired her, and then she said they were terrible. Jinger is doing it too. With kids she won’t show. So all you see are the backs of their dresses. 

All kids are different, but Israel seems miles ahead of Spurge. He’s very inquisitive and outgoing. Spurge seems much more babyish. 

[Cinnabon]

1 hour ago, Lady Whistleup said:

I think Jessa is one of those women who needs a job. When she was a J'slave she had a job and she was fairly efficient at it. 

But having her own kids (and so many of them in short order) seems to have broken her spirit. I feel like if she was a manager of a Wendy's she'd be gangbusters at it. But SAHM -- no. 

Thats okay by the way. I know a woman whose husband stays home and takes care of the kids while she wakes up at 5 every day to work. She loves it. She finds purpose in her work and is great at her job.

I feel like Jessa needs a job besides being a SAHM.

What job was she good at? Being in charge of the homeschooling?

[graefin]

1 hour ago, Cinnabon said:

What job was she good at? Being in charge of the homeschooling?

Packing the many suitcases whenever they went on a trip?

[Lady Whistleup]

6 hours ago, Cinnabon said:

What job was she good at? Being in charge of the homeschooling?

She was the no-nonsense buddy leader. She was good at the nuts and bolts of the job. She wasn't warm and nurturing which is why I think she now struggles with her own kids.

[GeeGolly]

8 minutes ago, Lady Whistleup said:

She was the no-nonsense buddy leader. She was good at the nuts and bolts of the job. She wasn't warm and nurturing which is why I think she now struggles with her own kids.

Mean bitches typically don't make great employees, and certainly not in leadership positions.

And honestly, to me anyway, none of the Duggar sisters seem particularly warm and fuzzy toward their children.

[floridamom]

In my opinion, I didn't notice Michelle interacting with any of her children wit any real warmth,, closeness or love. She spoke to them..matter of factly. Jessa's tone of voice, at least on those videos she keeps insisting on posing publicly, is more instructive rather than loving or warm. Her children perform for her on those videos. Her 'questions' and comments to them during them are most likely rehearsed beforehand. I'm sure she's a cold lover to Ben too. Very dictatorial and mechanical; no real feeling in it from her.. Poor, stupid Ben. He missed out on so much real life marrying Jessa.

[emmawoodhouse]

I remember when they were courting that Ben bought her some flowers. Her response? "What am I going to do with flowers?" 

Hey Ben, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Jessa has always been a cold fish. Ben was so blinded by having snagged the "hot" Duggar sister that he missed all the signs 

 

Edited September 26, 2021 by emmawoodhouse

[Churchhoney]

47 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

I remember when they were courting that Ben bought her some flowers. Her response? "What am I going to do with flowers?" 

Hey Ben, when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Jessa has always been a cold fish. Ben was so blinded by having snagged the "hot" Duggar sister that he missed all the signs 

 

I guess she wanted money. 😁

[crazy8s]

Ben might have had a clue and bailed, but once his daddy called out JB about long courtships or whatever, Ben was stuck.

[emmawoodhouse]

3 minutes ago, crazy8s said:

Ben might have had a clue and bailed, but once his daddy called out JB about long courtships or whatever, Ben was stuck.

I think they were already married when Mike wrote his Marrying Young rant. 

[crazy8s]

37 minutes ago, emmawoodhouse said:

I think they were already married when Mike wrote his Marrying Young rant. 

I am not sure on that. article dated August 2014 and they married in November 2014. 

https://starcasm.net/ben-seewalds-fathers-essay-on-marrying-young-may-offend-the-duggars/

[emmawoodhouse]

I stand corrected. Looks like he wrote it after the engagement, which occurred in August.

[crazy8s]

I figured I had it wrong and looked it up. But the deal was done for sure before mike seewald wrote the thing.

[Churchhoney]

1 hour ago, crazy8s said:

I figured I had it wrong and looked it up. But the deal was done for sure before mike seewald wrote the thing.

Mike must have thought he was providing an object lesson for our degenerate culture. That's sort of the way it was written, as I remember.

Lesson isn't aging well. 😬