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S05.E11: Trouble in Paradise

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A Belize trip continues with Mike escaping from his marital problems by heading to the Belizean rain forest.  Also: MJ confides in Asa, a surprise visitor startled the gang; and Mike is forced to reveal a secret.

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Ugh, where to begin?

  • Is MJ dating Jon Taffer?
  • That's not a banana tree, you  moron!  That's a Travelers' Palm!
  • Is Shervin family?
  • Jebus Christ, Reza! Butt out of Mike's beeswax already
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Mike you wanted your cake and to eat it too and it didnt work out thay way.

For all jessicas faults mike faulted too. Now you have to live with the consequences. Both of you

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Glad I'm not Persian if it means I'd have to butt into everyone else's business.  And, I definitely am not interested in seeing MJ and Tommy in bed.  I'd rather watch 2 pigs playing in mud.  Not much difference, really.

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So Mike admits to cheating on Jessica after their wedding in the episode then changes up the story on WWHL tonight. He told Andy tonight that he cheated on Jessica before they got engaged but never after their engagement or their wedding. Lying sack of shit!

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28 minutes ago, WireWrap said:

So Mike admits to cheating on Jessica after their wedding in the episode then changes up the story on WWHL tonight. He told Andy tonight that he cheated on Jessica before they got engaged but never after their engagement or their wedding. Lying sack of shit!

I'm not sure about the timing of everything. I couldn't follow it during the show. Were the text messages old messages prior to their wedding that he just kept or were they new from after the wedding or a combination of both? It's all a mess. Bottom line: before, during and/or after Mike is a cheater and that is never going to change. I think the next we will hear from him is that he is a "sex addict" and just can't help himself. I would feel sorry for Jessica EXCEPT she had plenty of warnings before she married him. When the man's best friends tell you he's a horn dog and unlikely to ever change, believe them. They both went into this marriage for reasons other than building a long, happy life together, I believe. Mike has something to prove that he thought marriage would prove and Jessica wanted a wedding and to be a Mrs. 

Edited by Juneau Gal · Reason: Spelling!
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4 minutes ago, Juneau Gal said:

I'm not sure about the timing of everything. I couldn't follow it during the show. Were the text messages old messages prior to their wedding that he just kept or were they new from after the wedding or a combination of both? It's all a mess. Bottom line: before, during and/or after Mike is a cheater and that is never going to change. I think the next we will hear from him is that he is a "sex addict" and just can't help himself. I would feel sorry for Jessica EXCEPT she had plenty of warnings before she married him. When the man's best friends tell you he's a horn dog and unlikely to ever change, believe them. They both went into this marriage for reasons other than building a long, happy life together, I believe. Mike has something to prove that he thought marriage would prove and Jessica wanted a wedding and to be a Mrs. 

Jessica told Reza that the texts go back to before they got engaged and continued into their marriage, so it was both.

I think Jessica thought/believed that Mike would change once they were married and like a lot of other women they learn the hard way that a cheater rarely changes, married or not. She had already given up so much of herself, changed not only her religion and her physical appearance but her lifestyle for him that I think she lied to herself so that she didn't have to admit she was fooled by him from the get go. Jessica made mistakes as well but the marriage failing is all on Mike at this point, not on her.

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I think GG is a mess, but are we really going to two seasons of GG saying something, everyone disbelieving her, and it will prove to be true. All last season, she'd tell anyone with ears that Mike was a cheater who was never going to change and now...we know it to be true. Actually, I was surprised that she'd blow up her sister's spot when she revealed that Mike and her sister hooked up either before or after his engagement party.

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OMG I can't believe Reza called Jessica to check-out Mike's story.  These people take meddling to a whole other level.  Don't Jessica and Reza hate each other?  

Frankly, they can miss me with this brand new, shocked shit about Mike cheating.  He's been a dog all along and, frankly, other than Asa, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that any of these people were unfaithful.

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7 hours ago, ninjago said:

OMG I can't believe Reza called Jessica to check-out Mike's story.  These people take meddling to a whole other level.  Don't Jessica and Reza hate each other?  

Frankly, they can miss me with this brand new, shocked shit about Mike cheating.  He's been a dog all along and, frankly, other than Asa, I wouldn't be surprised to hear that any of these people were unfaithful.

Yes, I thought Reza and Jessica hated each other. Reza needs to stop with all his concern about getting them back together. And Jessica, honey, you were warned by GG about Mike before the wedding but you chose not to believe her. In fact, an entire season was based on that.  I thought Jessica hated ALL of them, some were not even invited to the wedding and some (MJ) chose not to attend.  I guess all is supposed to be forgotten once a new season begins. 

Now we know why MJ wasn't so broken hearted about the breakup with Tommy. Complete fabricated storyline. Tommy packs up and leaves, Tommy doesn't answer her calls, Tommy shows up to Belize. Surprise!! 

This looks like a really boring trip. I'm sure there is more to do in Belize besides eat Ceviche, stand in the pool and get a massage. 

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I found the Tommy/MJ pool photo shoot repulsive.  Also, Reza?  Aren't you married to a white person?  Does he play Jewel music when you're having sex?  You flaming a-hole.

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9 hours ago, WireWrap said:

So Mike admits to cheating on Jessica after their wedding in the episode then changes up the story on WWHL tonight. He told Andy tonight that he cheated on Jessica before they got engaged but never after their engagement or their wedding. Lying sack of shit!

Yeah girl any way you slice it, lying sack of shit is the conclusion.  I think the inconsistencies are because he can't/didn't agree with Jess' definition of cheating.  In his mind it's not possible to even be a cheater unless you're married.   I'm shaking my head hard at Mike.  You mean you been a ho for this long and haven't tightened up the game?  Bruh.  You got got by a pop-up on the laptop though?  What are you even doing having jump off conversations on any instrument other than a burner throwaway?  Lol.  Amateur. 

Sure Reza is nosy and messy but Jessica kept talking to him.  He was her conduit to get all the trifling details of the affair(s) heard on camera.   I hear what ya'll are saying about the warning signs beforehand but I also get why she didn't listen.   The chief carrier of that message was a woman who'd wanted Mike for years and had been acting funky towards her since they'd met.   As far as his friends go, they also treated her like an intruder and from her perspective, they didn't want to "lose" a fellow bro.  Every woman who thinks she might be the Yoko knows the rest of the band is gonna say what they need to to run you off.   What she should've been studying was his behavior, his treatment of her and his habits.   That always on the phone thing?  N'uh uh.  Nobody is that damn busy that they can't have dinner without their phone being out on the table, at their fingertips or within sight the whole time.  We saw their first date, it wasn't that serious.  He gave himself up behaviorally, message checking and texting suddenly became really critical.  Nevermind anybody else, the mistake she made was not listening to herself.

I'm glad MJ's happy but I never want to see another ass munching on my tv screen again. 

Speaking of asses.  I know what ya'll said lol but, Asa had some work done.   That was not a super prominent donk before and if it came from squats or hell, any other exercise she wouldn't be fluffy in several other spots.  Zolciak body.  Chunk recognize chunk.

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4 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

This looks like a really boring trip. I'm sure there is more to do in Belize besides eat Ceviche, stand in the pool and get a massage. 

I'd rather see that than what usually happens. At least some of them went to the cave pool.

4 hours ago, Bronzedog said:

I found the Tommy/MJ pool photo shoot repulsive.  Also, Reza?  Aren't you married to a white person?  Does he play Jewel music when you're having sex?  You flaming a-hole.

I bet the resort owners were just thrilled to see that and them carrying glassware around the pool.

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I think Reza's hounding of Mike was totally producer driven; though I get why Reza was so invested.  Last season Jessica didn't want Mike hanging around the group and I wondered if Mike was going to quit the show.  This season Jessica looks like she's friends with the group and Mike is on the outs.  They're all famewhores to me.

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Reza honestly makes me sick - all of his pretense about pointing out other peoples' flaws and being the quickest to the draw wrt snark is so disgusting. "Is that…oh I recognize that beer belly!" Look dude, far be it for me to discuss this, but you are one despicable piece of trash who, with your striking resemblance to Saddam Hussein, would be anyone's absolute last pick for sexiest man alive. SO STOP FLINGING INSULTS LIKE YOUR RAMSAY BOLTON!

And this from someone who essentially despises all people on this show. So that's saying a lot. 

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Asa's photo shoot was a barf-fest.

Mike is so defensive for the obvious reason - he's probably ashamed of being a cheater and having it out there for the world to see. I wonder what his family thinks. I wonder if GG was telling the truth...

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Say what your will about GG but unlike Asa and MJ, both of whom would have spent the whole day being massaged or in the pool stuffing their faces, she went and did the healthy, adventurous thing.

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5 hours ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

I'm glad MJ's happy but I never want to see another ass munching on my tv screen again. 

That took me back to the day Oprah explained what a tossed salad was to parents of teens.

[runs screaming away]

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Lol.  Amateur. 

Ha! That was good. 

Reza looks like a fast little toddler running around with a straw and sippie cup in his mouth. 

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3 hours ago, tumamita said:

Mike is so defensive for the obvious reason - he's probably ashamed of being a cheater and having it out there for the world to see. I wonder what his family thinks. 

He said last night on WWHL that his parents are extremely upset, they loved Jessica like a daughter. You know he's the son that can't do shit right.  Now this. Keep proving them right, Mikey. 

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8 hours ago, bichonblitz said:

Yes, I thought Reza and Jessica hated each other. Reza needs to stop with all his concern about getting them back together. And Jessica, honey, you were warned by GG about Mike before the wedding but you chose not to believe her. In fact, an entire season was based on that.  I thought Jessica hated ALL of them, some were not even invited to the wedding and some (MJ) chose not to attend.  I guess all is supposed to be forgotten once a new season begins. 

Now we know why MJ wasn't so broken hearted about the breakup with Tommy. Complete fabricated storyline. Tommy packs up and leaves, Tommy doesn't answer her calls, Tommy shows up to Belize. Surprise!! 

This looks like a really boring trip. I'm sure there is more to do in Belize besides eat Ceviche, stand in the pool and get a massage. 

Belize has some of the best diving in the world. It has cool beaches and chill little beach towns. I do not understand why they are staying in the middle of the jungle doing nothing but eating. It's so weird and boring. 

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1 hour ago, jkitty said:

Belize has some of the best diving in the world. It has cool beaches and chill little beach towns. I do not understand why they are staying in the middle of the jungle doing nothing but eating. It's so weird and boring. 

My best guess would be $$.

Bravo probably got really low rates since they were not near water/diving/beaches.

Also when was this filmed? If it was in the off season or close to turn around time the discounts would have been 

very attractive for filming (flights, accomodations, meals for both cast and crew).

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Shervin was not buying ANYTHING Mike was trying to sell during the "did you cheat on Jessica?"  convo.  The look on his face was kind of like Robert Kardashian's when OJ was acquitted.  Stunned disbelief. I'm living for it.  

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In the end, Jessica was smart to used Reza to out Mike.  She always hated Reza, but he is good for being a snake, a busy body.  And he definitely is someone who relishes in other people's misery.

Edited by escape
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On 6/26/2016 at 6:29 PM, Bronzedog said:

Glad I'm not Persian if it means I'd have to butt into everyone else's business.  And, I definitely am not interested in seeing MJ and Tommy in bed.  I'd rather watch 2 pigs playing in mud.  Not much difference, really.

Persian here. no, we're not all like that. what a concept!

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12 hours ago, jkitty said:

Belize has some of the best diving in the world. It has cool beaches and chill little beach towns. I do not understand why they are staying in the middle of the jungle doing nothing but eating. It's so weird and boring. 

Did the natives get wind of them coming and threaten to storm the resort with torches and pitchforks if they were let out to mingle with the natives?

 

10 hours ago, terminalpreppy said:

I hate to mention this, but wtf was with Reza's comment about cerviche.

I am so sick of these bravo-lebrities (such as brandi glanville and more recently bethany frankel) talking about the "smell". Why is this appropriate, or funny? every time i hear it i am so offended. Why is this common disucssion, and on tv, by 40 year olds? and WOMEN!???? 

am i the only one who is offended by this? I am actually even uncomfortable talking about it here, anonymously. enough already, it is NOT funny, it is NOT accurate, it is NOT appropriate. 

You're not the only one tired of gay men making a "fish", "vagina", and "icky women!" comparison.

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Just caught up. Mike is so shady. I wish "players" wouldn't cave to (societal? parental?) pressure of getting married, having a family, etc if they aren't ready. Mike had no intention of staying faithful - he's a horndog. What's scary is how convincing he can be to some people. I'm glad Jessica discovered the truth before she had kids with Mike. I hope she truly believes and didn't convert just for him. That said, she's still a shrew and I hope this means she's off my TV screen for good.

I hope those pictures they showed that Asa took weren't the best ones....because, well, Asa, you are no photographer.

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2 minutes ago, jumper sage said:

Is Asa dating Jermaine Jackson?  The one who is currently in divorce proceedings?

No, she is dating his son Jermaine Jackson Jr.

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20 hours ago, jumper sage said:

That took me back to the day Oprah explained what a tossed salad was to parents of teens.

[runs screaming away]

I want to know the circumstances that made her think it was necessary, but I don't.  But I do.  No.  Don't say it.  Lol.  

1 hour ago, biakbiak said:

No, she is dating his son Jermaine Jackson Jr.

Everytime I see it, I think, it could've been worse.  She could've had to go through life introducing her boyfriend, Jermajesty.

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14 hours ago, escape said:

In the end, Jessica was smart to used Reza to out Mike.  She always hated Reza, but he is good for being a snake, a busy body.  And he definitely is someone who relishes in other people's misery.

I really thought that seemed smart on Jessica's part as well.    However, that woman has the worst taste in men.    

Check this out:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3455159/Shahs-Sunset-star-Jessica-Parido-s-boyfriend-Karlen-Shubaralyan-face-25-YEARS-prison-charged-domestic-violence.html

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24 minutes ago, jnymph said:

I really thought that seemed smart on Jessica's part as well.    However, that woman has the worst taste in men.    

Check this out:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-3455159/Shahs-Sunset-star-Jessica-Parido-s-boyfriend-Karlen-Shubaralyan-face-25-YEARS-prison-charged-domestic-violence.html

Yikes.   His charges as an entire composite are a nope.  Damn her for giving Mike a reason to say I might be a lot of things, but I'm not this guy.   I don't think times are this tough.

"forcible" rape?   Sigh.  Is there another kind?  That's like saying intentional breathing.

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"forcible" rape?   Sigh.  Is there another kind?  That's like saying intentional breathing.

It's to differentiate from statutory rape.

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8 minutes ago, biakbiak said:

 

It's to differentiate from statutory rape.

Ok I gotcha.   That's interesting, it would'tve crossed my mind.  Thanks.

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On 6/27/2016 at 6:21 AM, bichonblitz said:

Yes, I thought Reza and Jessica hated each other. Reza needs to stop with all his concern about getting them back together. And Jessica, honey, you were warned by GG about Mike before the wedding but you chose not to believe her. In fact, an entire season was based on that.  I thought Jessica hated ALL of them, some were not even invited to the wedding and some (MJ) chose not to attend.  I guess all is supposed to be forgotten once a new season begins. 

Now we know why MJ wasn't so broken hearted about the breakup with Tommy. Complete fabricated storyline. Tommy packs up and leaves, Tommy doesn't answer her calls, Tommy shows up to Belize. Surprise!! 

This looks like a really boring trip. I'm sure there is more to do in Belize besides eat Ceviche, stand in the pool and get a massage. 

This was my thought! Last season they hated her and ostracized Mike because of her. Now he's trying to be on her side. Reza is so shady.

They all need to stay out of each other's business.

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1 hour ago, Workslame said:

They all need to stay out of each other's business.

If they did that, there would be no show.  There might be a bit of a show, but it would get cancelled for being boring.

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On 6/27/2016 at 9:54 PM, biakbiak said:

I don't understand how someone hasn't murdered Reza.

Because they don't make prison uniforms out of orange spandex.

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