S01.E05: Friends Without Benefits

[woodscommaelle]

I'm not certain I would be any more graceful than Jeff when he was climbing down from the top bunk.

[ZoloftBlob]

 

If they were two random inmates than maybe I wouldn't be as harsh, but they both know they're in this program. I'd be sticking with the person who I know I can trust, even if it's on the down low when their tactics are questionable (I don't agree with Tami's reasoning on calling out Boston).

I'm gonna throw Barbra a bone on this one. And I don't like Barbra because she's every dippy lil rightwing housewife with the standard patter of how her husband is a *soldier* (in other words I find her irritating beyond belief)

 

Here's why.

 

Tami is as batshit as Robert. I'd go as far to say that if this was a male pod, Tami, not Robert, would already be in the hole for fights. She's going out of her way to be aggressive and she can't be trusted to not do stupid shit. Tami also has a really shitty attitude about the inmates. She is making no bones about it, she doesn't like them and they are beneath her.

 

If the point is to blend in and find the drugs (and not to have some sort of foster child ptsd therapy session) then Tami has already totally failed as all the inmates avoid her and don't like her. Barbra sees the writing on the wall. Associating with Tami means having to back all of Tami's crazy and immature plays for power... when Barbra can just play the "I'm silly and stupid" game and not be constantly in a war.

 

Tami's whole little "I'm really pissed that I made a big giant scene and not one of these idiot girls came to me after and kissed my ass and said how they totally respected me! They can all die in a fire!" routine was as delusional as Robert's "woo! I'm in solitary!" routine.

[Waterlilly]

Not a big Barbara fan but I'm not sure that I would trust Tami just because she is a fellow contestant,I mean participant. To the inmates Barbara did the natural thing to survive her time, she will probably get more info from them than Tami who is now in self imposed solitary. Barbara just appears to be a silly little mouse to them (no threat), they'll talk freely while she braids their hair.

[Tara Ariano]

In case you missed it, here's the Previously.TV post on the episode!

 

Who Will Last The Full 60 Days In?
Ranking our fauxmates from most to least viable.

[Spiderella2]

...Robert is just one odd duck. How do they get their commissary, anyway? Did they leave a credit card? Did their families put money in their accounts? It seems like Robert is just blowing through his commissary like it's water. It has to be tapped out at some point. I'm glad Robert is getting excited a psych evaluation, but it seems unnecessary as it's clear he's insane.

I have no proof on this but I strongly suspect the show is the one putting money in their commissary. Since the undercover plants are already uprooting themselves from their lives and jobs, they will need to be compensated in some way. They are probably going to get a bonus check from the show if they complete the entire 60 days, and probably get paid for any number of days that they do complete. In addition, the show also probably puts money in their commissary. That's why both Jeff & Robert sre spending their commissary so freely.

Edited April 6, 2016 by Spiderella2

[kassa]

I just found out somebody I know grew up in Boston's neighborhood.  Will try to find out more.  Amusing tidbit -- her sister is a cop!

[NoirDetective]

Well, Robert cracked like an egg. They probably ply him with commissary so they don't find him with that Joker smile swinging from a drainpipe at cell check.

I also suspect Yaz isn't doing much/having that extreme a reaction for the cameras, leading to her constant refrain of Stories 'bout Pa.

How Bully Boy has reached that age not realizing nobody respects a doormat, I'm not sure.

I think Zac will be fine after this. This isn't exactly some huge cartel he's infiltrating. But what types of shenanigans will he discover that having cameras in all the bunks can't? Also, do they have yard time or a book cart that pushes through? Shit, I'd do the drugs too if they were available.

I don't think the Sheriff has any actual plan for this "program" beyond making a TV program. Isn't this the same place/crew that did the guard version of this last season? Maybe they get a kickback so they can improve conditions. I agree that the bathroom situation seems like something a "Big Brother" show would do to incite conflict/power trips.

Tami is such a mess. I think it throws up the suspicions of the others that she's trying to run this place when she's supposedly a first timer. I did a couple nights in NYC central booking in my unmedicated youth and most people were more on the Barbra spectrum, even those in the revolving door who knew the drill front and back. It would've been strange if someone was like, "I'm running this!" to forty guys. I think she might be as nutty as Robert.

[ZoloftBlob]

I don't think the Sheriff has any actual plan for this "program" beyond making a TV program. Isn't this the same place/crew that did the guard version of this last season?

 

Nope, that was an actual prison in New Mexico that has also been featured on MSNBC Lockup.

 

(not that I like prison shows....)

[whoknowswho]

Nope, that was an actual prison in New Mexico that has also been featured on MSNBC Lockup.

 

(not that I like prison shows....)

I'm not sure if I like prison shows or not--this show is a hot mess of bad acting--I wonder how many of the "inmates" are really bit part actors? Just to make things more interesting. Because if not otherwise--Robert is completely and totally insane! Whackanoodles, that one.  Tami is just about as bad, and if she's a cop--no wonder people HATE cops! She's a brash asshole.

 

I thought at first it was a serious, documentary--but it's like the typical Breaking Amish "documentary" that wasn't even close to real. This is what reality shows have done to us--everyone has to act sooooo over-the-top to even be interesting. Think about it--the most interesting people, are the craziest ones. Zak's cute but too normal, so he's boring. Maryum--is just dull as dishwater, and the 25 year old Barbra--is so supercilious she can't likely spell her own name without giggling.  I'm sure her next book with be a primer on how to survive jail. I sense a Pulitzer coming her way.

New Shoes guy--why did you go to jail to get over bullying--who thought that was ANY kind of answer to your problems?

 

On a totally different vein--Zoloftblob, I've been reading your name wrong for at least the last year--always as ZoloftBOB--now I have to totally rename you in my head...

[ZoloftBlob]

I thought at first it was a serious, documentary--but it's like the typical Breaking Amish "documentary" that wasn't even close to real.

 

I think you've probably nailed it here. I was interested in the idea of innocent people in jail but but I think the reality is Maryum and DressShoes and Isaiah and Barbra - most people try to fit in and make the best of it, most people in for minor violations don't run around acting the fool because they know they'll get out. Zac's story is sort of interesting but there's a point where I just don't care if the inmates have drugs since no one else cares either. Robert is clearly attention seeking/probable borderline psycho and Tami is a bully with a badge proving the point that cops are cowardly bullies.

 

Dude - the blob is right there in my userpic :)

[whoknowswho]

Sorry, ZBlob...I am visually impaired--to me, the blob really is a blob!  

[sasha206]

That was ridiculous. Plus she was killing me with the whole, "if I say I am a Muslim they are totes going to know I'm Muhammad Ali's daughter!!" WTH?

 

Not to mention, if they were going to show Muhammad Ali's daughter, the media would choose the good looking one, not her.

[sasha206]

HaHa!  Well said.  I was frustrated by everyone going into freakout mode because Zac going to court would BLOW THE WHOLE PROJECT OMG.  First of all, saying Zac might panic in court was dumb, because he's the driest, least panicky-seeming person in the entire building. Second, all he would have to do if he even made it in front of the judge would be to keep his mouth shut tight, and when the time came that he was forced to speak just say he has not met with an attorney and has no representation.  The judge would then, assuming it ever got that far since it was clearly a paperwork mistake of some kind, call for a reschedule once he has had an opportunity to meet with a lawyer.  I will admit it's a pretty crazy coincidence that there are two Zac Hollands in the same facility at the same time.  Unless the whole thing was just a bunch of made up bullshit to create drama, and if so, then that would really disappoint me.

 

Still confused over here about what exactly Tami's problem is with Boston.  She claims Boston has been trying to push her past her limit since Day 1, but if that were true then wouldn't we have been shown some footage of that?  The woman who took Tami's shower shoes on the first day was someone else entirely, and it seemed like Tami just got butthurt because Boston has a swarm of women in the pod who enjoy hanging out with her and don't mind that she bosses them around a little.  She was shocked that no one came over to thank her and tell her they respect that she started a stupid yelling fight with Boston over nothing?  Learn how to read a room, Tami.  Boston has some kind of charm and charisma that works for her in that particular environment, and none of it seemed to be directed toward making Tami's life miserable, until Tami started shit out of nowhere. I don't like Barbara, AT ALL, but I completely understand why she wants to distance herself from Tami.    Yes, Tami, Boston and her entourage are loud and obnoxious.  That is how they were before you arrived, and has nothing to do with you.

 

Yaz has quite an unrealistic perception of her own "fame".

 

I find Robert as unbearable to watch as Donald Trump.  He makes my skin crawl.  I know he's way overdoing it with the "This solitary confinement thing is paradise!  Best time I've had in my whole life!" schtick because he doesn't want to admit that he was shaking in his little boots in the pod, but at the same time he's taking it so far that I'm starting to really believe there is something seriously wrong with him psychologically.  It's one thing to be a weird asshole, it's another to be a lunatic who teaches children.

Robert no question wanted to get away from group.  And I think he's also trying so hard to become a huge reality star.  I think he'll do Amazing Race next and then will end up on Couples Therapy.

 

On Barbra, is it me or does she seem to want a little girl-on-girl action?

[farmgal4]

Robert no question wanted to get away from group.  And I think he's also trying so hard to become a huge reality star.  I think he'll do Amazing Race next and then will end up on Couples Therapy.

 

On Barbra, is it me or does she seem to want a little girl-on-girl action?

I haven't gotten that vibe from Barbra but that's just me.

[stephtoney1974]

I am sooooo sick of Tami acting as if the entire pod needs to bow at her feet and give her respect for "standing up to Boston". Blah blah blah blah.....I can see if "Boston" got in her face and Tami had to defend herself, but the Boston chick was just sitting there watching tv (unless there was an altercation off-camera) until Tami came up behind her screaming like an idiot. Then to top it off Tami gets upset that the inmates like Barbra instead of her. Smh. She complains about the 20-something year olds in there but she acts more childish than they do. Glad she's not a cop here in my hometown.

[Nolagirl]

I know y'all gonnathink this is crazy but I am gonnasay it anyway. I think that guy Robertis a child molester. He is strange and something is not right with that guy. Does anyone else get that vibe just from tv?

 

He likes talking about that and acts like a kid. Strange for a grown man. I don't think he's acting. I think that's him. I am not saying he is but something definitely is not right withthe dude.

[raiderred1]

Nola girl you are not alone on Robert's creepiness pertaining to children. It was brought up somewhere else but cant remember. Dude skeeves me out!

[bianca]

Robert is super weird. Tami has emotional problems. They're not right people to put in a situation with this stress. Zac and Isaiah seems to be super smart. Zac has the body, mind-set, and attitude which allows him to be an inmate. Isaiah, on the other hand, is more quiet and to himself. Sac is getting a lot of information while Isaiah is gaining information by observing.

[raiderred1]

Robert is super weird. Tami has emotional problems. They're not right people to put in a situation with this stress. Zac and Isaiah seems to be super smart. Zac has the body, mind-set, and attitude which allows him to be an inmate. Isaiah, on the other hand, is more quiet and to himself. Sac is getting a lot of information while Isaiah is gaining information by observing.

I respectfully disagree with your observation on Isaiah as I think he is just biding his time and not involved at all.

[Andromeda]

I'm starting to wonder what exactly this project is trying to prove. Everything the faux inmates are doing is wrong according to the talking head Sheriff, but if they have never been in jail before, how do they know any better? What is a person supposed to do if the pod boss starts punching in stuff on your commissary account? I sure wouldn't know how to handle it. I agree Tami is playing the victim, but Barbra seems like a total bitch to me and I am waiting for her friendships to backfire.

 

Robert is playing for the camera, but I would rather be in solitary than out among the criminals myself. He can read, go to the bathroom when he wants, and order stuff from commissary. The one guy practically begging to use a bathroom made me sure I would never volunteer for something like this. Zac and Isaac seem Ok, everyone else is annoying. I'm way tired of Maryum talking about being Ali's daughter every two minutes. No one is going to recognize you.

 

Yeah, while watching "Wentworth" on Netflix, where prisoners can request to be put in "Protective custody," I was thinking it'd be a fit for me. I am a strong introvert, though, whereas a majority of people are extroverts who would go crazy being alone that much. One prisoner who ended up there for her own protection (after snitching) mentions that the others in the "Protective custody" area are sexual predators. Australia is smart that way.

 

I didn't realize the difference in having them work in jails compared to prisons. I was also wondering why they weren't doing work -- I've seen county jail work crews picking up trash along the roadsides, for instance. Those must be work release programs. I definitely get the logic that the people in county who are not yet sentenced cannot be expected to labor for the government. That would be all kinds of wrong for numerous civil rights reasons.

 

If they were panicking so much over Zac going before a judge and blowing the program, what do they do when somebody decides to leave? How do they explain to everybody how all of a sudden this person is going home?

This has got to be why they had all of them say they had out-of-state warrants. They can leave at any time because that means the "extradition paperwork has come through."

 

I think if the pod boss leaned over my shoulder and punched a commissary button (or anyone else did), I'd say "And what do I get if I buy that for you?" If he had nothing, I'd uncheck it. 

 

I love your avatar, ZoloftBlob (um, I also read it as BOB.) I remember those commercials -- they were on when I was first prescribed Zoloft.

Edited April 26, 2016 by Andromeda