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SilverStormm

Long Lost Family

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He did say, let's go get dinner.

This story was so good and I liked Mark, Rebecca and dad Dave a lot. I hope this becomes a What Happened Next episode.

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That was a strange episode, only one story. Are they running out of subjects or did they feel this guy's story merited the entire hour? I'm not sure I agree, although it was interesting. So often the biological father is left out of the equation. 

Once he started going through the pictures with his sister, you could tell the daughter looked exactly like the mother in the earliest pictures, but then by the time they showed the mother in her later years you could see the resemblance to the son. But I also thought he looked a lot like his father.

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And the nose was his bio dad not bio mom. I enjoyed it and with the whole episode on one person it seemed more detailed. And both Chris and Lisa were involved.

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The Lisa/Chris team was good. Going back and forth with two people sometimes gets confusing for me.

In the end of yesterday's episode, I felt bad for Dave, in some way. I felt like he really regretted that he briefly saw Barb and never stopped to talk to her or contact her. Finding out she's gone now, was hard on him.

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7 minutes ago, stormy said:

In the end of yesterday's episode, I felt bad for Dave, in some way. I felt like he really regretted that he briefly saw Barb and never stopped to talk to her or contact her. Finding out she's gone now, was hard on him.

Under the same circumstances I think I would have stayed there for hours in hopes of talking to her. He expressed that he was sorry to have, I think, run off from the situation. Didn't he say it was 3 or four years later? Long enough to have matured a little. I think I would have wanted to tell her I was sorry and just catch up. Of course, I know there would be a certain amount of embarrassment, if that's how he behaved, but 17 is a good explanation.

Damn. I would like more back story into just what happened at the time to some of these people. I guess I'm just nosey.

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I really enjoyed the episode and after all the crying I was doing throughout the show, I found the ending to be somewhat anti-climactic. I liked Mark a lot but he seemed rather uncomfortable by the emotion his bio dad was expressing and it made me feel uncomfortable too. Also, this show has had really heartfelt reunions before with siblings (because the bio mom died) and I almost felt like the sister got short shrift in this episode. Sort of like "hey here's your sister, but wait, THERE'S MORE!" It felt like her reunion with him got overshadowed by the news they found his dad.

Something else that is bothering about this show is the lack of details they provide about the newly discovered family. They tell us a lot about the searcher, but I found myself wanting to know more about the dad. Like, did he ever marry or have more kids? What was his life like (aside from being a musician?)

With all the talk about the parents being into music did anyone else wonder if one of the bio parents would turn out to be famous? That would have been a neat twist.

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On 3/20/2017 at 8:55 PM, Jadzia said:

Something else that is bothering about this show is the lack of details they provide about the newly discovered family. They tell us a lot about the searcher, but I found myself wanting to know more about the dad. Like, did he ever marry or have more kids? What was his life like (aside from being a musician?)

I think some of that has to do with privacy because the discovered family is not necessarily looking to have the world know their business.  I notice they handle family carefully on this show with regard to that.  Perhaps if there is a follow-up to this episode we may learn more about the father's family or if Mark has any other half siblings with his birth mom.  They may also be holding back some information to get us to watch any eventual follow up.

I liked these people a lot.  I liked Mark's home.  Actually I felt like they didn't tell us as much about Mark himself as other searchers.  It wasn't clear whether he was married or had kids himself (unless I missed something) which is interesting.  I thought Rebecca's eyeglasses looked EXACTLY like her mother's in her high school yearbook.  How she managed to find something that similar is amazing!

I agree that Dave's outpouring of emotion was sort-of from nowhere with Mark and made him uncomfortable, but it was actually sweet and in the end I think Mark didn't freak out about it because his father obviously isn't in that state with him all the time.  I loved it that they ended up with Mark saying "Let's go get dinner".  I really hope these people end up having positive relationships with each other.

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I just think the producers got overly excited about this case because they found both the mother and the father even though they had separated shortly after the birth/adoption. In most cases, the adopted child locates only his birth mother, or the birth mother locates the child they gave up for adoption. Rarely is the father featured in the story, because usually it's someone who either ran out on the mother as soon as he found out she was pregnant or, worse, date-raped the mother. 

In cases where it's simply that the mother and father were high school sweethearts and went their separate ways long ago, I suspect the show does in fact try to reach out to the birth father as well, only to find out they don't want any part of the show or even to meet their child. I bet a lot of these guys moved on and got married and had other families and never told them they fathered a child out of wedlock in high school.  It's probably a lot more typical for the birth mother to feel bonded with a child she gave up than for a birth father. 

I hope this was just a rare exception to the usual formula because I prefer two stories per episode. I didn't feel this story was quite interesting enough to merit a full hour.

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1 hour ago, iMonrey said:

I just think the producers got overly excited about this case because they found both the mother and the father even though they had separated shortly after the birth/adoption. In most cases, the adopted child locates only his birth mother, or the birth mother locates the child they gave up for adoption. Rarely is the father featured in the story, because usually it's someone who either ran out on the mother as soon as he found out she was pregnant or, worse, date-raped the mother. 

In cases where it's simply that the mother and father were high school sweethearts and went their separate ways long ago, I suspect the show does in fact try to reach out to the birth father as well, only to find out they don't want any part of the show or even to meet their child. I bet a lot of these guys moved on and got married and had other families and never told them they fathered a child out of wedlock in high school.  It's probably a lot more typical for the birth mother to feel bonded with a child she gave up than for a birth father. 

 

I would also think there are a lot of cases where the girl never told the father that she was pregnant. So they have no idea they have a child out there somewhere.

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Trying to put myself in the shoes of a "found" relative.  I think I would want to meet the person and hopefully have a relationship.  I would not, however, want it to happen on TV.  Some things should just be more private IMHO.

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I don't know if this has been discussed already (newbie here), but on the British version of the show, if they find out the bio mom/dad or adopted child has died, they tell the person that's searching in private before talking to them on camera about siblings, etc. I know that it makes the show less dramatic but I think it's kinder to give such news away from the spotlight so they can handle the shock. 

 

My husband is currently seeking his birth parents so this show has helped me prepare him for potential disappointment/differing expectations if we do find them.

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I recently saw this episode. I have a different view on the Nita/Jenny relationship. If Nita is lying about the circumstances, why tell Jenny her father's name? With that name she can further research (which she did) and connect with that family only to have them refute Nita's story (which they did). The father's family could just as easily be making up a story to make the father's story more palatable. I think, in the end, Jenny just didn't relate to her bio mother. There really didn't seem to be any warmth in that meeting. She did seem to connect to her bio father's family so that's ok. In the end she pretty much found what she was looking for.

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On 3/22/2017 at 8:17 PM, ATLGirl said:

I don't know if this has been discussed already (newbie here), but on the British version of the show, if they find out the bio mom/dad or adopted child has died, they tell the person that's searching in private before talking to them on camera about siblings, etc. I know that it makes the show less dramatic but I think it's kinder to give such news away from the spotlight so they can handle the shock. 

I thought the guy this past Sunday didn't seem at all surprised when told his mother had died. So I wondered if he had actually been told already and they did it again on camera.

Edited by Cara
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I worry about the people who come on this show saying they want a parent-child relationship. Every adoptee I know is in an open or open-ish situation and they all had great adoptive families and I'm sure that changes things, but their relationship with their birth parents isn't parent-child. It seems, from the outside more like a close aunt or much older sibling. When I see people like Susan who go into this expecting one and getting so disappointed when her daughter didn't want to connect, I feel like someone needs to help them manage their expectations. I'm glad she found her birth-mom, but I have a bad feeling that it's going to end badly once the euphoria wears off. 

Edited by satrunrose
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While it was sad and expected, I'm glad they updated us on Ken at the end of the show.

It seems like there are a lot of loose ends at the end of all the shows this season.  Maybe they're doing it because they've found they can have a whole other series about what happened next?  The few of those that they ran were pretty interesting.

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I really wouldn't expect Seanne and her birth mother to have a long-lasting relationship considering the circumstances of her conception. It might be cathartic to meet initially but that's a lot of pain for the birth mother to be confronted with, and I think the situation is one that seems more likely to deteriorate. I think I read somewhere that roughly 50% of adopted children reunited with their birth parents (or vice versa) eventually drift apart and lose contact again and this seems like one those likely cases. Sad all around. 

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I felt bad for both Seanne and her birth mother.  Especially since Seanne wasn't told about her adoption and then was told some things that weren't true.  

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I agree @camom. Both of them were burdened by such sadness. They were both hoping that the other could help them fix their broken places. Poor Seanne asking if she looked like her birth mother's rapist! I can barely unpack the horror she must have felt. I hope so much that they can have some kind of relationship that works for both of them. They broke my heart.

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I had a feeling that Seanne's situation was not going to be a good one when we found out her parents didn't tell her she was adopted until she was 25, and only because another person figured it out first. They were trying to protect her from the truth. Hopefully she and Devin will be able to work out some kind of relationship (and get those matching tattoos!).

Andy seemed very reserved about meeting his mom and Ken but after finding out how important it was to Ken, he seemed to open up a bit. I think that relationship will work out, especially once he meets his brothers.

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Andy's mom sure has been through a lot.  The sorrow of giving him up at birth (did she say she was 14 when she got pregnant?), the loss of her other son, and then Ken's impending death.  I hope that story has a happy ending.

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On 3/21/2017 at 11:20 PM, Snarklepuss said:

I think some of that has to do with privacy because the discovered family is not necessarily looking to have the world know their business.  I notice they handle family carefully on this show with regard to that.  Perhaps if there is a follow-up to this episode we may learn more about the father's family or if Mark has any other half siblings with his birth mom.  They may also be holding back some information to get us to watch any eventual follow up.

I liked these people a lot.  I liked Mark's home.  Actually I felt like they didn't tell us as much about Mark himself as other searchers.  It wasn't clear whether he was married or had kids himself (unless I missed something) which is interesting.  I thought Rebecca's eyeglasses looked EXACTLY like her mother's in her high school yearbook.  How she managed to find something that similar is amazing!

I agree that Dave's outpouring of emotion was sort-of from nowhere with Mark and made him uncomfortable, but it was actually sweet and in the end I think Mark didn't freak out about it because his father obviously isn't in that state with him all the time.  I loved it that they ended up with Mark saying "Let's go get dinner".  I really hope these people end up having positive relationships with each other.

They showed Mark at the first of the show with his wife and young son. He and his wife were sitting at the edge of the pool and his son was in the pool with two dogs. He said his son was adopted, and he and his wife decided to adopt because he himself was adopted. They didn't show any other children so I assume he is their only child but that could be wrong. 

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38 minutes ago, camom said:

Andy's mom sure has been through a lot.  The sorrow of giving him up at birth (did she say she was 14 when she got pregnant?), the loss of her other son, and then Ken's impending death.  I hope that story has a happy ending.

That really was heartbreaking. Ken seemed like such a wonderful man - so sad. It did make me wonder over what time period the segments are filmed. When they first showed Ken he looked quite healthy (for someone with stage four cancer that is) but it was obvious when he met Andy the cancer had progressed a lot and that he did not have much time left. Seems like by this segment at least the show must be filmed over several months, whereas when it is being presented it seems to be a matter of weeks. 

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On 3/27/2017 at 0:28 PM, Pepper Mostly said:

I agree @camom. Both of them were burdened by such sadness. They were both hoping that the other could help them fix their broken places. Poor Seanne asking if she looked like her birth mother's rapist! I can barely unpack the horror she must have felt. I hope so much that they can have some kind of relationship that works for both of them. They broke my heart.

I was a little disturbed by this episode.  Did she really find out about her mother's rape on camera? I really hope she found out off camera and what we saw was staged.

Edited by ElleMo

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This show makes me unabashedly nosy and I end up Facebook stalking most of them to see if they are still in contact or getting along because I end up caring too much about them after a 40 minute episode.  I'd already found out when Ken had died, seen their other kids, and stalked Caliatra's new husband before the episode was over. 

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10 hours ago, Spencer Hastings said:

and stalked Caliatra's new husband

She already remarried?  Or did they film this episode a while ago?

Seanne's mother sounded like a bitch if she really just spat out that Seanne was adopted in front of Seanne's friend. At least that's how it sounded like it happened.  Then again, my cable guide described the episode as "A woman's world was shaken when she discovered she was adopted at 25" and I was really curious as to how someone could be secretly adopted at 25 years of age. ;)  (People who write descriptions for cable guides need grammar guidance!)

One thing I really could do without on this show is Lisa dramatically whispering, "We found her." with a solemn look of sadness every. damn. week.

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It looks like Ken died in October 2016 and Caliatra remarried in January 2017.  Sounds like she had new hubby waiting in the wings.

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40 minutes ago, camom said:

It looks like Ken died in October 2016 and Caliatra remarried in January 2017.  Sounds like she had new hubby waiting in the wings.

omg . . . makes me cynical and sad to hear that. So much for true love. It used to be that people would at least wait "a decent interval" out of respect for the dead, but not anymore.

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23 minutes ago, okerry said:

omg . . . makes me cynical and sad to hear that. So much for true love. It used to be that people would at least wait "a decent interval" out of respect for the dead, but not anymore.

It's different for every person.  We all handle our grief differently.  My husband passed away a little over 5 years ago and just the thought of dating makes me gag. On the other hand, 3 months after my brother lost his wife he started "keeping company" with someone he knew through his business and has since moved in with her. 

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Apparently new hubby is someone both Ken and Caliatra knew for a long time.  Even if Ken would have been OK with it, it does seem awfully soon.  It appears that Ken and Caliatra have adult children and a younger adopted daughter (age 10 or so).  I wonder how it feels to her to have her mom remarry so soon after dad's death.  Caliatra seems to be a little bit "out there."

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1 hour ago, Koalagirl said:

It's different for every person.  We all handle our grief differently.  My husband passed away a little over 5 years ago and just the thought of dating makes me gag. On the other hand, 3 months after my brother lost his wife he started "keeping company" with someone he knew through his business and has since moved in with her. 

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

I suspect that in some cases of very fast remarriage - whether after a death or a divorce - the person is desperately trying to recreate what they had in that marriage. After a death, especially, it doesn't always go so well. Better to wait a while. 

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1 minute ago, okerry said:

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

I suspect that in some cases of very fast remarriage - whether after a death or a divorce - the person is desperately trying to recreate what they had in that marriage. After a death, especially, it doesn't always go so well. Better to wait a while. 

Thank you, I appreciate that.   I think men have a harder time being alone than women.  Ironically, my brother's ladyfriend has the same name as his late wife, is built the same, same coloring and same interests.   In my head I call her Lynne 2.0.

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One thing I really could do without on this show is Lisa dramatically whispering, "We found her." with a solemn look of sadness every. damn. week.

Thank you. I keep meaning to say this. That can cut that shit right out, it's too staged. "We do have an update for you." Cue overly-long dramatic pause, pause, pause, pause. Shot of Lisa, shot of guest. Shot of Lisa, shot of guest. Shot of Lisa, shot of guest. Then Lisa whisper-cries "We found her." 

Quote

I had a feeling that Seanne's situation was not going to be a good one when we found out her parents didn't tell her she was adopted until she was 25, and only because another person figured it out first. They were trying to protect her from the truth. 

I'm wondering how much her adopted parents actually knew. I suppose every adoption is different but generally the parents adopting a child aren't told that much about the birth parents beyond age, ethnicity, and health. Would an agency really tell the prospective parents the baby's mother was raped by her step-father? Would they even know that? I think in most cases, someone adopting a baby would only know the mother was an unmarried teen and that's about it. 

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6 hours ago, iMonrey said:

I'm wondering how much her adopted parents actually knew.

The reason I thought they knew is because they created the lie that the bio mom and dad had a brief, sweet romance that produced her. They could have just said they had no idea about her parents and conception and left it at that. Maybe by giving her a peaches-and-cream conception, they hoped she wouldn't try to locate her bio mom and then find out the truth.

Or I could be completely wrong! It seems every case is different, as far as info given to the adoptive parents.

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8 hours ago, camom said:

Apparently new hubby is someone both Ken and Caliatra knew for a long time.  Even if Ken would have been OK with it, it does seem awfully soon.  It appears that Ken and Caliatra have adult children and a younger adopted daughter (age 10 or so).  I wonder how it feels to her to have her mom remarry so soon after dad's death.  Caliatra seems to be a little bit "out there."

 

This made me very curious, so I did some googling and found Caliatra's Facebook page.  According to a post in Jan., Ken told both Caliatra and her new hubby that they were going to get married within 4 months of his passing.  So they did.

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Finding out just now about Caliatra's too-soon remarriage has changed my opinion of her.  I don't care how "understanding" her dying husband was about it or how he might have approved of it, have some class and respect for him.  Just because he wants to make himself a martyr doesn't mean she has set him on fire herself.  Plus it just seems very needy and unhealthy to not allow oneself the time of grief to get over one relationship before launching headlong into another.  Some people can't bear to be alone or face their feelings, but not allowing yourself the time to grieve is not the best way to embark on a new marriage.  Although judging from the way she and her dying husband acted with each other, she probably is getting involved with another "healer" who sees himself as her therapist.  Whatever, I just think it was very tacky.

That said, Seanna and her mother are either going to be a big train wreck or actually surprise everyone and be therapeutic for each other.  I'm leaning toward the former, but there is something each needs from the other that just may make that work.

Edited by Snarklepuss
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14 hours ago, Lizzing said:

One thing I really could do without on this show is Lisa dramatically whispering, "We found her." with a solemn look of sadness every. damn. week.

1,000 times YES 

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17 hours ago, iMonrey said:

Thank you. I keep meaning to say this. That can cut that shit right out, it's too staged. "We do have an update for you." Cue overly-long dramatic pause, pause, pause, pause. Shot of Lisa, shot of guest. Shot of Lisa, shot of guest. Shot of Lisa, shot of guest. Then Lisa whisper-cries "We found her." 

 

YES. And when they are at the meeting place, Lisa and Chris always drag it out forever--"so. Here we are. Its a very big moment. How do you feel? I can only imagine you must be feeling great anticipation, nervousness, and gratitude at this moment. Your mother/sister/father/brother is right on the other side of that door. Yes. Right there inside this building. The minute you walk inside, you will see him/her. You must be feeling a lot of feelings right now. This is such a special moment. So full of feelings. Its been so long. You've both waited so long to meet. And when you turn that doorknob, you will meet at last. After all this time. You will meet. Just open that door. In a minute. Give me a hug. Yes, I know you are grateful to me for doing all this with the help of half a dozen low paid interns. Just inside that door. OK. Go on in." Jesus, I'd have run right over them. These poor people's hearts are beating out of their chests and their hands are shaking and Chris and Lisa are yapping their ears off. I hate that!

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They reran the episode entitled "I want to heal my mother's heart." It included the woman looking for her son who went to live with "Mama Ruth," the mother of her boyfriend, when she was pregnant. After they found the son Mama Ruth joined in on the reunion and presented him with a family tree that showed he was descended from John Alden -  i.e. The Mayflower John Alden. Wow! I didn't pay attention to that part the first time around. Also, this one had "bonus footage" inserted into the episode which proved to be pointless because they just cut out other scenes to make room for it and nothing new or interesting was to be gleaned from any of it.

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19 hours ago, iMonrey said:

They reran the episode entitled "I want to heal my mother's heart." It included the woman looking for her son who went to live with "Mama Ruth," the mother of her boyfriend, when she was pregnant. After they found the son Mama Ruth joined in on the reunion and presented him with a family tree that showed he was descended from John Alden -  i.e. The Mayflower John Alden. Wow! I didn't pay attention to that part the first time around. Also, this one had "bonus footage" inserted into the episode which proved to be pointless because they just cut out other scenes to make room for it and nothing new or interesting was to be gleaned from any of it.

 

I loved that episode.  Mama Ruth was a great woman.  I liked that the mom remained friends with the dad and the dad's family all that time.  Too bad he didn't get a chance to meet his dad but few adoptees get a family tree going back to the Mayflower!

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Tonight's episode I wondered pretty early on with the son if there was a history of depression in the family as he admitted to contemplating suicide and then his brother did.   Two suicidal kids and a mom who steps out just seems like there might be more than just abandoment issues there.  So I wasn't terribly surprised to find out mom had struggled with depression.   Wonder if Dad was still around.  If so there are bound to be some awkward conversations between him an his surviving son.   

I was disappointed not to learn more about the bio parents of the two adopted sisters.   Since we learned nothing about them other than mom was a barmaid and dad both are now dead.  I've decided to think of them as Sam and Dianne.   I was so sure the older sister would cry when she said she wouldn't.  I mean everybody cries on this show.   I bet the person I was watching with a dollar that older sister would cry.   Grr.  Had to pay off that dollar.   They were both so giggly.  I think it was a nervous giggly but I thought it was funny.  I really hope having a less emotional older sister will help the younger sister although if I was the older sister I'm not sure how much I'd be signing up for.   Good luck to them both.  

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I seriously need to cut back watching Investigation Discovery because I was convinced that the guy's father had murdered his mother, that's why he never knew her past his 5th year of life. LOL!  I was glad she was still alive, but I didn't catch if the father was still in his life.  Because if I were that guy, I'd be having serious words with dear ole dad.  Sounded like the reason the dad didn't want to talk about what happened to the mom was because he was complicit in keeping them from contacting her.

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I hope the sisters are able to have some of their questions answered.  They speculated that their bio dad was married to someone else and if they know who he was that shouldn't be too hard to find out.  I'm glad they found each other.

I hope Doug and his mom can have a wonderful relationship now.  I felt bad for her.  It seemed that her ex had all the power and money and deliberately kept the kids from her.  Yeah, if he's still around he has a lot of explaining to do.

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1 hour ago, Lizzing said:

I seriously need to cut back watching Investigation Discovery because I was convinced that the guy's father had murdered his mother, that's why he never knew her past his 5th year of life. LOL! 

 

Glad to hear that I am not the only one. 

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 They speculated that their bio dad was married to someone else and if they know who he was that shouldn't be too hard to find out.

There was definitely something going on there they didn't want to tell us. It was very strange - the older sister grew up believing her mother was some kind of Canadian business woman and then Chris tells her she was a barmaid and then - zippo. Nothing else except both are now dead. If he was able to determine they were both dead he must have found out their names, occupations, how they died, etc. There must have been something in there they decided not to reveal on TV.

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I was kind of relieved to hear that the younger sister was also adopted.  Can you imagine how hard it would have been for the older one if her parents had kept a child born 5 years after she was?

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^^^   That happened in the first season, twice,  Mom and Dad stayed together, got married and had a family.

Edited by stormy

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I can see that if the parents are young teenage lovers.  But older daughter said her mother was 33 when she was born.  A bit of a different circumstance.

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11 hours ago, iMonrey said:

There was definitely something going on there they didn't want to tell us. It was very strange - the older sister grew up believing her mother was some kind of Canadian business woman and then Chris tells her she was a barmaid and then - zippo. Nothing else except both are now dead. If he was able to determine they were both dead he must have found out their names, occupations, how they died, etc. There must have been something in there they decided not to reveal on TV.

It was very strange. And wasn't it the younger sister who had the information regarding the birth parents? So it doesn't seem likely (at least to me) that the mother would have had two children with a married man and listed him as the father both times on the birth certificates? Maybe the first time, but not the second - and it was the second daughter who had the info not the first. It would be nice if they did a follow up but maybe the sisters want to keep that info private. 

Regarding Doug and his mom, I was also wondering if the dad is still alive. How awful for Doug to not have known all these years that their mother sent them letters and tried to stay in touch. I am glad that she had a letter still that had been returned to her so Doug could see that what she had said is true. I  would love to see a follow up story on Doug and his mom too. 

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12 hours ago, UsernameFatigue said:

It was very strange. And wasn't it the younger sister who had the information regarding the birth parents? So it doesn't seem likely (at least to me) that the mother would have had two children with a married man and listed him as the father both times on the birth certificates? Maybe the first time, but not the second - and it was the second daughter who had the info not the first. It would be nice if they did a follow up but maybe the sisters want to keep that info private. 

1

I wouldn't be surprised to find out that the sisters had several older siblings that were taken by social services already and social service got involved again.  Another explanation is that the family just couldn't afford any more kids and so gave up the two younger daughters.  

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