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SilverStormm

Long Lost Family

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The sister said something about the mother having a hard time, and the adopted daughter said "I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere."   Since the sister had the same distinctive nail polish when she met Chris and when she met her sister, I assume they were filmed quite closely together, so perhaps the mother hadn't yet processed it and wasn't ready.

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Yeah, it was weird they didn't explain the mom.  But I'm pretty sure she just wasn't ready to meet this daughter.  Fortunately, the sister seemed quite happy to be united with her older sister.

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The sister said something about the mother having a hard time

She specified that after her father died, the mother didn't feel like she could continue the search on her own because it was too difficult to do. The father was murdered (and they didn't go into any details about that either) so I can understand the mother was too devastated at the time. But seeing as the search was over and many years had passed (20 or so), I thought it was very strange that they didn't address why she didn't show up or contact her in any way. Why was it still hard? There was something going on there that they didn't explain very well.

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On May 2, 2016 at 9:29 PM, kassygreene said:

Tonight's new episode - the man's story I swear I've seen on another program within the last five years.  The other show like this one from a few years ago, which I can''t remember the name of?  And now the circumstances of the woman's bio-parents ring a bell too.  

Someone help me!  Was this shown earlier in the season, and made "new" with the inserts done by the hosts (both of whom, it turns out, are also actors).  Is this show every bit as genuine as House Hunters?

This episode first aired back in 2015.  For whatever reason TLC waited to air the remaining episodes or there was a delay in production. 

 

http://tvbythenumbers.zap2it.com/2015/02/19/new-special-long-lost-family-to-premiere-sunday-march-1-on-tlc/

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At the end of the episode they did show a picture of Paula and her mom saying she had visited her in New Mexico.

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I have just binged the last 4 of 5 episodes of the season. I need a hug, or some tequila.

I wonder if some of these people haven't done the search themselves because they fear rejection? If a tv show makes the first moves for them, maybe it feels like a protective layer.

Heidi, the woman whose mother was 12 when she got pregnant, when they snuck the keyboard out for her, my BF completely cracked up. A moment of much-needed levity.  I did notice that Heidi's last name was Jeffs, and we saw either Mormon or LDS in reference to the bio mom on the adoption info paperwork they showed. I actually had a point I wanted to make with that, but it's escaped me. So many details with this show!

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I think some people just aren't that good at research and hit a dead end and don't know how to get around it without help.  And yeah, I think having a third party introduce them helps to ease some of the stress involved and fear of rejection.

I also think the circumstances of the search as told by the show are a complete fiction.  I don't for one minute believe some of the explanations for how they found a person.  They make it sound so freaking easy.  In one episode Lisa talks about how she "found an old magazine" and it just happened to have this woman's father mentioned in it.  Yeah, right, sure.  I'm sure the daughter had that magazine all along and gave it to Lisa.  Plus, I am sure that the hosts aren't the ones doing the research or at least they don't do it alone.  They have a team of experts helping them, I'm sure.  Most people don't have the time or the courage to go through a phone book to call everyone with a certain name out of the blue.  There's the creep factor too.  It's so much more exciting when a TV show calls them up and it might make them more interested in meeting their relative knowing that they might get their 15 minutes of fame, even if they aren't that interested in pursuing a close relationship with them.

Edited by Snarklepuss · Reason: because it's "15 minutes of fame", not "154 minutes".
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Oh, the hosts most certainly aren't the ones doing the research.  And for some reason I can't articulate, Lisa annoys the hell out of me.  I don't know why.  I do like Chris.

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20 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

I think some people just aren't that good at research and hit a dead end and don't know how to get around it without help.  And yeah, I think having a third party introduce them helps to ease some of the stress involved and fear of rejection.

I also think the circumstances of the search as told by the show are a complete fiction.  I don't for one minute believe some of the explanations for how they found a person.  They make it sound so freaking easy.  In one episode Lisa talks about how she "found an old magazine" and it just happened to have this woman's father mentioned in it.  Yeah, right, sure.  I'm sure the daughter had that magazine all along and gave it to Lisa.  Plus, I am sure that the hosts aren't the ones doing the research or at least they don't do it alone.  They have a team of experts helping them, I'm sure.  Most people don't have the time or the courage to go through a phone book to call everyone with a certain name out of the blue.  There's the creep factor too.  It's so much more exciting when a TV show calls them up and it might make them more interested in meeting their relative knowing that they might get their 15 minutes of fame, even if they aren't that interested in pursuing a close relationship with them.

I completely agree that some people just aren't great at research.  For whatever reason, I seem to do pretty well with it, and once my 75 year-old father became more computer literate, no one was safely hidden away, lol!

The part with Lisa and the old magazine chapped my ass.  If the daughter hadn't led them to it, then it was a team of interns or something similar, combing through the material.

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15 hours ago, Quof said:

Oh, the hosts most certainly aren't the ones doing the research.  And for some reason I can't articulate, Lisa annoys the hell out of me.  I don't know why.  I do like Chris.

I like Chris, too! With Lisa, I don't dislike her, but I'm always worried she will fall apart emotionally, start ugly crying, and it will be a hot melted mascara mess of eyelashes dripping down her face.

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Davina McCall who is one of the hosts of the british version did an interview where she claimed that 5-6 out of 7 cases don't have happy reunions they can air, because either they can't be found, they can be found but aren't interested in contact, or can be found and want contact but don't want said contact on TV in which case they do pass on the information to facilitate that contact but obviously don't film it. 

So there is a lot of failure going on that we aren't seeing.   The british show also did a follow up series with some of the cases.  I think there were three episodes and each featured 3 stories.   I've only seen the first one but I know that the middle case in that episode had a mother son who reunited.  The son and his family went to visit the birth mom over the holiday at her request but then she backed away from them because she missed and grieved for the baby she put u for adoption but wasn't connecting with the man that baby grew up to be.   

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6 hours ago, bybrandy said:

Davina McCall who is one of the hosts of the british version did an interview where she claimed that 5-6 out of 7 cases don't have happy reunions they can air, because either they can't be found, they can be found but aren't interested in contact, or can be found and want contact but don't want said contact on TV in which case they do pass on the information to facilitate that contact but obviously don't film it. 

So there is a lot of failure going on that we aren't seeing.   The british show also did a follow up series with some of the cases.  I think there were three episodes and each featured 3 stories.   I've only seen the first one but I know that the middle case in that episode had a mother son who reunited.  The son and his family went to visit the birth mom over the holiday at her request but then she backed away from them because she missed and grieved for the baby she put u for adoption but wasn't connecting with the man that baby grew up to be.   

I believe that failure rate.  I've contacted cousins that even have family trees up on Ancestry.com who don't have much interest in being contacted past, "Hi nice to meet you".  And people matched closely to my DNA that are the same.  Everyone has different comfort levels with that.  Even the cousins I've contacted that are receptive don't become that friendly and just comment every once in a while on my Facebook page.  Often the feeling is mutual - What do I really have to talk about with these people other than share some things about our joint family once in a while?  I can imagine it's even worse when dealing with cases of adoption and real abandonment.

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I like Chris, too! With Lisa, I don't dislike her, but I'm always worried she will fall apart emotionally, start ugly crying, and it will be a hot melted mascara mess of eyelashes dripping down her face.

That's IT!  The mascara freaks me out.  You're on television, don't you have a makeup artist?

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On May 9, 2016 at 5:50 AM, Snarklepuss said:

I believe that failure rate.  I've contacted cousins that even have family trees up on Ancestry.com who don't have much interest in being contacted past, "Hi nice to meet you".  And people matched closely to my DNA that are the same.  Everyone has different comfort levels with that.  Even the cousins I've contacted that are receptive don't become that friendly and just comment every once in a while on my Facebook page.  Often the feeling is mutual - What do I really have to talk about with these people other than share some things about our joint family once in a while?  I can imagine it's even worse when dealing with cases of adoption and real abandonment.

I have a very unusual last name.  Within the past few years, around ten people with the same surname have friended me on Facebook.  I've always accepted, but so far based on their posts, there's only one I would be remotely interested in having a relationship with.  Most of them are surely blood relatives (born in same area of Alabama).  But blood doesn't mean you have anything in common.  Most of them seem a little simple-minded and vaguely racist.  So I can definitely understand the difficulty of developing a relationship with someone with a completely different upbringing.  Heck, I feel that way about most of the cousins I grew up knowing.

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I think part of the problem in my case is that my relatives are all at a distance geographically and we are only just saying hello online.  There are not a lot of ways to really get involved with them other than say hello and share notes about the family once in a while.   I have cousins in Canada, Florida and even overseas.  So how much opportunity and exposure can we have to form a close relationship?  I know that people can become friends online but it's different with family.  I think you need to have that face-to-face constant exposure to them to form a familial relationship.  I don't get the feeling that any of them are put off by me for any reason, it's just that we all are so far apart and are so occupied that it's hard for us to include each other in our daily lives in any in-depth way.

I did meet first cousins of my Dad's that he didn't even meet until 3 years ago who live in New Jersey, but they were estranged from the rest of his family through divorce plus my Dad was raised a Christian due to his mom being one, while they were raised Jewish.  Meanwhile they have money and we're just middle class.  I didn't get the feeling they looked down their noses at us as we had a lot in common and shared interests to talk about.  It's just that by the time people are in their '70s like they are their lives are pretty much set and they're not really looking for more family.  To be honest, I don't really expect them to be either.  My father was happy to have met them but he also has no burning desire at 88 to push for any close relationship with them.

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Did anyone see the where are they now/catch up episode last night?  Jenny's and Nita's story, the daughter/mother pair who happened to work together, was a trip.  Turned out Nita may have lied about being knocked out and never seeing Jenny before she was taken away.  According to Jenny's biological paternal family, Jenny's father saw her and said his mother wanted to raise her.  I wonder what the real story is.  Was Nita's family accepting until Jenny started to darken up and it became apparent that Jenny had a Black father?  Who knows, didn't seem Nita was willing to air her side of the story.

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I honestly didn't know who to believe. And I wondered if Jenny and Nita are still working the same shifts? Is Jenny talking to Nita? There's a lot we'll never know.

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Wow, I can't imagine what all of these people are going through. I just hope everybody's getting counseling for when the initial rush of discovery and reunion wears off and reality begins to sink in.

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I'll start!

Ep 1 Jenny/Joanna

I remember thinking there was something off during Jenny's reunion with Nita. Or something that wasn't said.(They worked together). So I wasn't surprised at all to hear they're not in contact at all. Nita lied about the  birth and likely lied about the circumstances of the adoption. Not surprised again, I got the feeling she knew who Jenny was before this show. Perhaps knew where she was the whole time? The cousin/uncle said her dad wanted to have his mom help raise her. I'm glad to know she met her father's family and feels wanted after all these years.

Joanna: My heart broke for Tom but I understand why Joanna felt it was too much at one time. He just seems like such a kind old man and he clearly feels robbed since he had no idea he had a daughter. He seemed broken down in his TH. I also feel bad for Joanna being caught in the middle of two dads. Now she's not talking to either of them. She said her dad was incredibly angry and explosive with her. She shouldn't have to choose.

I really like seeing the follow up.

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Just watched that episode, and I agree I'm not sure where the truth lies. Probably somewhere in the middle. I had commented earlier in this thread that I would like to see follow-up, so I'm glad they're doing this. I'm not surprised at all that there are issues. It is so easy to romanticize a relationship when you don't have to actually deal with a real person, and there's nothing magical about being a blood relative. I feel like the daughter (can't remember their names) is now idolizing the father since he's passed away.

The other story about the father and daughter, I'm really glad she got some therapy, and there was a lot of wisdom in that group, so I hope they'll all be able to move forward.

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I still can't get the Jenny/Nita story out of my head.  I don't know if I would be so quick to believe third hand information about her father if I were Jenny.  It seems like people who knew him could be motivated to spin his story in a more positive light to preserve a beloved memory of him, especially knowing it would appear on TV.  If he wanted to be a part of Jenny's life, why wasn't he?   I don't quite buy that he was so willing to help raise or support her, or have his family do it.  Maybe they didn't want to do it either.  Sounds like a BS story to me but Jenny is buying into him being the one who really loved her?  Oh please, sounds like someone is manipulating Jenny's emotions!  Plus given how young and without resources and possibly family support Nita was how could Jenny be so pissed off at her?  I would think Nita did the most responsible thing no matter when she gave her up.  If she were my mother I could forgive her for that and give her the benefit of the doubt on when/how it happened.  I think Jenny jumped to conclusions.  I don't think it really matters when Nita gave her up as to  whether she cared for her.  Of course she cares for her.  Not sure why Jenny is so unwilling to forgive and side with a father that possibly couldn't give a crap, especially when she already knew Nita from work.  I don't see a villain here, just a very young woman (Nita) doing the best she could under difficult circumstances.

Edited by Snarklepuss
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I think there's a lot more to Jenny/Nita we never saw. She didn't seem thrilled when she realized she knew her. The meeting was off. I wonder if something happened after the filming. She said that they were two very different people which seemed like a diplomatic way of saying we don't like each other. Nita also didn't seem surprised when shown a picture of Jenny. Wasn't she the one who said she thought Jenny's father was Italian?

I do think Jenny is idolizing her father in part due to that, her crappy adoptive family, and her time spent in the foster system. I guess I allow her that leeway because she seems to really need to believe that.

Edited by Court
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Janice/Leslie- I felt bad for both of them at first. Janice lost a lot of my sympathy. But it wasn't fair for her to say you can't contact the rest of the family. I understand that Janice was saying because she was in pain but that doesn't make it right. You can't expect her to have a close bond immediately. That's a lot of pressure! Thank goodness we see that some of them are getting therapy. 

Mary/Evelyn- I'm glad the other reunion has went well and they're in contact. How neat she could see her bio dad on film since he passed away. I cannot imagine finding out you have 6 siblings. What a strange mix of emotions for her. Her meeting the one brother made me wonder if the others didn't want to be on film? Or didn't want to meet her? Or if she only wanted to meet one on film or at once?

Am I the only one watching this? 

Edited by Court
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I am watching!  Went to the TLC Facebook page and some people were sympathizing with Janice and then Leslie actually came on and without going into detail defended herself.  Clicked on her profile and she actually had ALOT to say on her own page.  Won't go into it because I am not sure what the rules are about spoilers but all I can say is WOW. Janice has some serious issues.

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I am enjoying the updates. I saw the TLC page the other day and read Leslie's updates. Janice seems like a piece of work. 

I'd like to see an update with the couple who gave up the son for adoption and then ended up marrying. 

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4 hours ago, Stacey1014 said:

I'd like to see an update with the couple who gave up the son for adoption and then ended up marrying. 

Me too! I got the impression during their episode that they wanted a lot more from the son who was adopted than he was comfortable with. His unease was palpable.

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1 hour ago, Pepper Mostly said:

Me too! I got the impression during their episode that they wanted a lot more from the son who was adopted than he was comfortable with. His unease was palpable.

This seems to be a common theme.

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I'm confused... had the 2nd season started? I can't wait to watch, (I'm an adoptee) but I keep seeing it advertised to start Feb 12. 

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Same here. I thought the episodes we are seeing now are just catching up with some of the families from Season 1. But there is some discussion about other families we aren't seeing. Am I missing some episodes?

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OK so I just checked my guide. I suppose I've been posting in the wrong place! Sorry!

Long Lost Family: What Happened Next is what we've been watching. The episodes are listed as S1. 

Long Lost Family Season 2 does premiere Feb 12. 

When my DVR picked it up, I mistakenly assumed this was S2. I don't watch commericals.

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On 1/30/2017 at 10:50 PM, Court said:

Janice/Leslie- I felt bad for both of them at first. Janice lost a lot of my sympathy. But it wasn't fair for her to say you can't contact the rest of the family. I understand that Janice was saying because she was in pain but that doesn't make it right. You can't expect her to have a close bond immediately. That's a lot of pressure! Thank goodness we see that some of them are getting therapy.

From what Janice said on her FB page, she (understandably, IMO) just didn't want to give out the contact info. of the rest of the family without their knowledge/consent, which Leslie took the wrong way.  Janice later asked them for permission to share the contact info., which she did, although she may not have been up to handling that so well.  I can't imagine all of that was easy for her.  After all, it wasn't her idea to be contacted much less contacting.  She was trying to please Leslie when emotionally it may have been too much for her to handle diplomatically, which is kind of understandable.  I am sure she is a very flawed individual, but I think Leslie's expectations of her were way too high.  Judging from the clips of her with her adoptive family plus her general "vibe", Leslie looks to me like she grew up in a bubble and her tolerance/understanding of people who come from less than wonderful circumstances is very low.

Edited by Snarklepuss
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What a mess some of these have turned out to be. I almost think they should give the people who are doing the searching some counseling before they go to the trouble of finding and reuniting them with their blood families to manage expectations.

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On 2/1/2017 at 0:39 AM, Court said:

There's two very different stories on that Facebook page. Interesting.

Janice wrote a book about her abusive child and I was going to check it out but not for this price! Why is it so much?

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0578176378?ref=olp_product_details

Janiece's book was basically self-published. Full Circle Publishing is a one-stop shop for people who want to get their work out there. Sales are via Amazon, where FCP is a third party vendor. There are no books for sale and no comments from anyone who has used their services on their site. http://fullcirclepublishing.ca/costs#basefees 

Here's a link to an active sales page. http://outskirtspress.com/bookstore/details/9780578185378

you'll save money over the Amazon listing.

Edited by IrishPirate · Reason: More info
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On 2/1/2017 at 0:24 PM, tobeannounced said:

What a mess some of these have turned out to be. I almost think they should give the people who are doing the searching some counseling before they go to the trouble of finding and reuniting them with their blood families to manage expectations.

I know, I feel like the follow-up shows have turned me off a little from the regular season shows.  Now when they first meet I'm wondering if the relationship will sour somehow.  It kind of takes something away from it for me. 

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13 minutes ago, Snarklepuss said:

I know, I feel like the follow-up shows have turned me off a little from the regular season shows.  Now when they first meet I'm wondering if the relationship will sour somehow.  It kind of takes something away from it for me. 

I agree. I was holding my breath through the last follow up. It was mostly happy. 

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I would not want this show to discourage anyone from looking for long-lost family - but I do hope it creates more realistic expectations if and when the family is found. It's sad but true that in many cases, if somebody gives up a baby or disappears, there's a reason for it - and it may not be the fantasy reason that the searchers have had in their minds for so long.

and yes, I sure hope there's professional counseling available after the cameras stop rolling.

On 2/1/2017 at 2:39 AM, Court said:

There's two very different stories on that Facebook page. Interesting.

Janice wrote a book about her abusive child and I was going to check it out but not for this price! Why is it so much?

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0578176378?ref=olp_product_details

If it was published by a vanity press (I haven't looked,) they charge huge bucks for that. Such outfits are actually considered a scam in the publishing world. Would have been better to legitimately self-publish (there is a difference.)

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^^^ yeah, it seems they spent enough time talking in the extra episode with Terry (adoptive mom) and Teri (the birth mom) that if they talked about that, it wouldn't have been edited out because that's something I wanted to know about.

Also, Tammy and TJ's reunion and then TJ meeting his brothers was sweet as was the beginning of the show that included her mom and brother.  I wonder if TJ asked about his birth father?

Edited by stormy

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I'm finding the combination of new stories in extended episodes with updates from last season really annoying.  They did the same thing with 90 Day Fiance, and it was never clear if it was a new episode, an old one, or a mash-up, so my DVR was always confused. 

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2 hours ago, stormy said:

^^^ yeah, it seems they spent enough time talking in the extra episode with Terry (adoptive mom) and Teri (the birth mom) that if they talked about that, it wouldn't have been edited out because that's something I wanted to know about.

Also, Tammy and TJ's reunion and then TJ meeting his brothers was sweet as was the beginning of the show that included her mom and brother.  I wonder if TJ asked about his birth father?

Edited because I was wrong and mixed up the people.

Edited by Court
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Thanks. So it's another story of an adoptee finding out is birth parents are together and his brothers are his full siblings.  :)

Too bad we didn't get to see dad.

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You're confusing the two families.   Devin's father (Gusty???) and his mother Teri later married and had more kids.   They used to get letters from Devin's adoptive family, but they suddenly stopped for reasons we weren't told.

Tammy married someone who wasn't TJ's father. Those were his half brothers. 

Edited by Quof
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I just watched the episode on demand where the birth mother was kidnapped and then got pregnant and gave up the baby.  But then they found a daughter of the kidnapper and she seemed to be telling a different story?  Saying that her dad did not kidnap the birth mother but was taking her for an abortion and since she was a minor, he was arrested.  Did I get that wrong?  I was confused by the end of the episode.  

It is kind of crazy how much happens after they are reunited - a lot of it is a mess!

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