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Sheldon/Amy: Are you digging the Shamy?

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I thought we could use a thread just to parse this relationship, which seems to get more attention than Howardette or even Lenny. 

After being introduced at the Season 3 finale, Amy has become one of the show's best-loved characters. The questions about will they stay together and will they have sex have been a big part of the last four seasons. 

So what do you think? Do you dig the Shamy? Do you want them to Do It? Do you think it is a healthy relationship? Where do you think it's going?

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Hate it. HATE. IT.

He's a dick to her. He belittles her and doesn't give a fuck about her. In turn, she's so desperate for him that she takes it. She spends most of her time hurt, disappointed, unsupported and horny. I find them to be an awful, toxic pairing.

I liked them individually before they got paired up. I can only tolerate them now when they aren't together. Unfortunately, Amy is super popular and "Shamy" is much beloved, so I am destined for misery. Much more of them and I may actually have to give up on the show because I'm honestly not sure how much longer I can handle watching them 'together'.

Wouldn't be the first time I gave up on a show because I found the canon pairings offensive (Hi, Glee! How are you still on?).

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In theory, I think Shamy is fine - if they presented it like the ST-TNG episode where Data gets a girlfriend (Ironically entitled "In Theory"). Data does his best to be what he thinks a good boyfriend should be but because he can't really "feel" anything, he gets certain things hilariously wrong. Most of the time, this is how Sheldon acts - essentially well meaning but pretty much oblivious. But I really hated the moment when Sheldon told Amy he didn't want to do something for Amy (I forget what) because the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Agreement was essentially a device "so he could get what he wants." Now obviously, that's exactly what it is, but he should have come back with "Darn it! Hoist by my own petard [Long digression on what a petard is]... but I agreed to that, so let's go through with this, no matter how unpleasant it may be." Particularly since we'd previously had the episode where Priya points out that Sheldon is wrong on his interpretation of he Roommate agreement and he (grudgingly) seems to accept her judgement - Sheldon does arrange things so he gets what he wants, but accepts it when others point out that he's made commitments to them.

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But I really hated the moment when Sheldon told Amy he didn't want to do something for Amy (I forget what) because the Boyfriend/Girlfriend Agreement was essentially a device "so he could get what he wants." Now obviously, that's exactly what it is, but he should have come back with "Darn it! Hoist by my own petard [Long digression on what a petard is]... but I agreed to that, so let's go through with this, no matter how unpleasant it may be."

Unless we're thinking of two different episodes, that's exactly what happened.

The one I'm thinking of is episode 6.10 ("The Fish Guts Displacement").

Amy: But our relationship agreement clearly states that when one of us is sick, the other must take care of them.

Sheldon: Oh, no, I see the confusion. No, the intent behind that clause was to force you to take care of me when I’m ill. When you’re feeling better, you’ll think that’s funny.

Amy: Never mind. Good night, Sheldon.

Sheldon: (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. (Knock, knock, knock) Amy. I made a commitment in writing to comfort you in times like this. Additionally, you are my girlfriend, and I care about your well-being.

Amy: Thank you, Sheldon.

Sheldon: You’re welcome. Now let’s get this over with.

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I think I am confusing episodes with the one where she wants him to go to her family to "Prove she's not making him up" (sorry, I don't remember the titles of TBBT episodes) where Sheldon whines (more than usual!) about being made to do something he doesn't want to do. Amy points out that she'd done everything he asked (given sufficient notice and other things) and yet he still grumbles. Compare that to the episode where the core Four are contemplating (it turns out) what movie to see - they conclude that there simply is no solution that satisfies Sheldon's conditions (and that he wasn't prepared to accept a partial solution) so they leave without him - and Sheldon accepts that. To me, that was how Sheldon should act with Amy (IMO, at any rate).

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And see, I can understand someone with social anxiety or whatever needing more...structure?...when it comes to something new as a way to make themselves more comfortable. I could even get on board with the notion of their contract if I felt that it was something that Sheldon used more as a guideline or security blanket than something he can cling to in order to AVOID spending time with girlfriend.

The big problem I have is that Sheldon doesn't actually seem to LIKE Amy or care about her. He may try to right wrongs or make amends but I have always felt that it was more because he had been informed that he'd behaved badly or had broken some social rule and thus he needed to course correct. Any shred of "oh, I guess he does care" has, to my recollection, ALWAYS been undercut by a comment immediately afterward which proved that was all superficial niceties, not a genuine desire to make Amy happy.

I have always felt that Amy's continued presence is dependent upon Sheldon's hatred of change, rather than any actual attachment to her as a person. He puts down her job, her appearance, her intellect, her personality etc. He often excludes her from things he enjoys, usually not even out of pique but out of a fundamental lack of thought/consideration. She entered his life as one thing (a fellow intellectual with no interest in romance) and by the time he got accoustomed to her presence, she wanted something else from him, so IMO he has been doing as little as possible in order to keep her in his orbit.

It's very similar (IMO) to his tolerance of Penny, only Penny doesn't sexually harrass him or whine about how he doesn't pay enough attention to her. Hell, at least I've occasionally seen signs that he likes and respects Penny, which is more than I can say of his girlfriend.

God, I just hate Sheldon and Amy as a couple. I wish TPTB would break them up. I see nothing amusing or awww-worthy about their 'relationship'.

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I like them most of the time, but I am the first person to agree that both of their behaviors is frustrating. From being alike in personality, Amy has turned into a whiny teenager eager for her sexual breakthrough, and Sheldon has become painfully dismissive towards her. I dunno what tptb's overall idea is, but its kind of a roller coaster with them. We get the occasional aww-episode, but we still don't see much of Sheldon opening up (and there was that episode where they sat on his bed and he said he is working on it) - at least not without Amy tricking him or a preceding argument.

He could be a better BF to her and still have issues with the physical thing, and still be a nit picky prick, but from where they are now, it will take a heck of a writing job to get them there. Alas maybe that episode with the psychic is forshadowing something.

 

Amy needs to get more independent - she relies to much on her relationship and her friends. I feel like she is afraid that if she loosens her grip on both, she'll loose them. She just needs to muster the courage to try things out on her own, make other friends. And she needs to tell Sheldon what she thinks without a the whiny voice and the self degrading plans.

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Amy and Sheldon have pretty much driven me from the show. I find the whole dynamic between them repulsive. Sheldon is self-centred, focussed on his own needs (largely) and Amy tolerates it because she is desperate or horny or whatever. Both are equally awful but Amy's manipulations probably bother me most. After not watching the show for a year or so, I happened to catch the ep where she was sick and used it to get him to touch her, with the baths and the vapo-rub, I muted it by the time they got the spanking conversation so I'm not sure how it ended. Manipulating someone and getting off on their actions while they are oblivious and not intending anything to be sexual…comes across as repulsive to me, not funny.

 

I much preferred Sheldon as somewhat asexual, and would have found that a far more interesting storyline.

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I much preferred Sheldon as somewhat asexual, and would have found that a far more interesting storyline.

I agree.  I have nothing against Amy as a character, but I've hated the pairing of Amy with Sheldon from the beginning. It doesn't seem to be anything but a need for sit coms to have neatly paired up couples, but Sheldon never seemed to need or want a partner.  Amy herself would as happily pair up with Penny as she would Sheldon, so her interest in him seems arbitrary at best.  Now Sheldon might turn to Amy if the other members of his group stop supporting him because they have other lives to pursue, but that doesn't seem like a good resolution to me.  I don't understand why the series would create a fairly unique character, and then try to force him into a traditional role that is so uncomfortable for him.   Sheldon treats the other characters poorly, but they seem to have a defense mechanism for dealing with him that Amy doesn't because she wants so much for their relationship to be something it isn't.  None of the rest of them really need Sheldon, while Amy has built a flimsey fantasy around him.  Since Amy and Sheldon are only together for a plot conceit, her acceptance of being treated poorly, and her attempts to form a deeper connection with someone who doesn't care that much for her, is ever more difficult to watch.    This is one couple I'd be happy to see split up. 

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Amy and Sheldon have pretty much driven me from the show. I find the whole dynamic between them repulsive. Sheldon is self-centred, focussed on his own needs (largely) and Amy tolerates it because she is desperate or horny or whatever.

 

As one Cleo to another, I agree completely. "Repulsive" is the only word I can think for their dynamic. Basically Chuck Lorre is drawing humor from the fact that a smart, pretty, kind woman is desperately throwing herself (unsuccessfully) at a nasty nerd like Sheldon and he keeps turning her down. Ho ho, how hilarious. I don't find it funny when the genders are reversed either.

 

I see Sheldon as 100% asexual, though, so their relationship is doubly unpleasant to me. He does not experience sexual attraction, and that's okay. He isn't obligated to. She's staying in a relationship where she will never get her needs met, and he is in a relationship where he feels pressured, and instead of breaking it off, he treats Amy like shit. And she just takes it.

 

So romantic.

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He does not experience sexual attraction, and that's okay. He isn't obligated to. She's staying in a relationship where she will never get her needs met, and he is in a relationship where he feels pressured, and instead of breaking it off, he treats Amy like shit. And she just takes it.

 

What a beautifully succinct description of their relationship.

 

Their whole dynamic just screams "trying to fit a square peg into a round hole".  Or, in this case, "trying to fit an asexual person into a heterosexual role".

 

The relationship shouldn't exist (IMO), but since this is a sitcom, and a Lorre sitcom at that, I expect the misery and degradation to continue...you know, for the lolz.

Edited by NoWillToResist
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I thought it was cute for most of the series since she was introduced. Now it's getting on my nerves. They need to break up, because it's not cute anymore. I want to see her date other people, and the awkwardness that will surely come with it.

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I have come to really loathe this pairing and how it's portrayed. I guess it was too much to hope that they would keep Sheldon asexual, as he so interestingly used to be (and maybe still is, they seemingly can't make their mind up about this). No, he needs to "grow" and that on TV is apparently equivalent to "conform to society's heteronormative standards". I've always hated how single-mindedly focused this show has always been on pairing up - if you don't have a girlfriend, you're a loser, etc., but Sheldon used to be the refreshing antipole to this. Now I'm fairly sure he and Amy are headed towards "normal" coupledom eventually, but first we'll see another round of Sheldon not giving a crap about Amy's feelings and Amy moping and being frustrated. Because that's so much fun. 

 

Here's the thing, even if Sheldon eventually starts a sexual relationship with Amy, he'll presumably still be Sheldon-y which the show gets their most laughs from, which also translates to being selfish, egocentric, and downright rude to others, including Amy. And the way they portray Amy these days is that she's actually bothered by this and gets angry and frustrated when he behaves like he does. So even if they do consummate their relationship, their relationship will always be dysfunctional and at times awful. Why should I root for them? I'd be far happier seeing Amy date somebody else and Sheldon realising he can't have his cake and eat it too, and be happy with just having her as a friend.

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I have to agree. Traditionally, the only "proper" relationship (as far as TV was concerned) was a heterosexual pairing. More recently, homosexual relationships have been "OK" (usually requiring a bit more angsting). Today, bisexuality is (with even more angsting) permitted - what we're not allowed to be is asexual. I guess Freud was right after all ("The only unnatural sexual relationship is not having one at all" or something like that).

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Sheldon asexual, as he so interestingly used to be (and maybe still is, they seemingly can't make their mind up about this).

 

I was watching a rerun recently of a season 6 episode and was startled to hear Sheldon outright say that he finds sex "ridiculous and off-putting". They're not even bothering to hide the fact that he's asexual, it seems. Sexual men in their 30s do not say stuff like that. But still his relationship with Amy goes on and on.

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I agree that Sheldon is essentially asexual: however, we couldn't possibly have Amy remain asexual, even if that's how she started out. I'd prefer them to either remain two "robots" in a relationship or for Sheldon to unbend a little (maybe agreeing to ending one of their dates with a goodnight kiss - obviously, minimal exchange of saliva must be involved).

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I don't dislike the Shamy.  I'd be neutral towards a breakup, especially if it is a realization from Sheldon that if it doesn't work with Amy it wouldn't work with anyone, based on their compatibility, and then promptly goes back to the type of person who isn't even looking -- and the rest of the group stays the hell out of it.  I'm neutral towards them staying together if he continues to take small steps towards "trying", although I think this idea that he can change is pretty inaccurate in real life.

 

Yes, the Amy character deserves better treatment than the Sheldon character gives her.  This happens all the time in real life, too, and usually the party being treated poorly is getting far worse treatment from people who really DO know they are being selfish jerks, unlike Sheldon.  If I had a real life Sheldon and Amy in my life, I'd point a few things out to "Amy", but I surely wouldn't be panicked if they didn't break up.  Lots of people really are willing to put up with more than they should for the sake of being in a relationship, so I don't mind it being portrayed on TV.

 

That said, I think this relationship needs some movement; as it is now, it's getting a little stale.  Move it along, or break it up; otherwise, I see the same joke format for a loooong long time. 

Edited by CousinOliver
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Shamy is ruining the show for me.  As someone who is asexual, the way Amy pressures Sheldon and the way we're supposed to sympathize with her is very off-putting to me. I realize the creators of the show haven't actually committed to making Sheldon asexual (unfortunately) but considering that he fits the bill in pretty much everything but title only, the way his relationship with Amy is portrayed is enough to make me extremely uncomfortable. 

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I have no sympathy for Amy so the show isn't succeeding if I am supposed to find her antics sympathetic. Their relationship isn't cute or funny.

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I've never seen Sheldon as asexual.  To me he was always a cross between a person who stopped growing emotionally at about aged 10 or so and a person who is striving to be Mr Spock.  There have been moments from the beginning of the show where I thought it was clear that Sheldon deliberately chose his path.  I would assume ([perhaps wrongly?) if someone is asexual this is not something they choose to be.

 

Anyway I like Sheldon and Amy and I think there has been way too much time invested in them as a couple for it to end now.  That said I really don't EVER want to see Sheldon and Amy in bed together.

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I've never seen Sheldon as asexual.  To me he was always a cross between a person who stopped growing emotionally at about aged 10 or so and a person who is striving to be Mr Spock.  There have been moments from the beginning of the show where I thought it was clear that Sheldon deliberately chose his path.  I would assume ([perhaps wrongly?) if someone is asexual this is not something they choose to be.

 

While I agree that Sheldon has made comments which show that he is intellectually 'against' sex/relationships, I truly can't recall him ever expressing any DESIRE towards someone, real or fictional. I mean, you can swear off relationships but still jerk off to Seven of Nine in your room, you know?

 

And for a guy of his age, who is into comics and video games and all that stuff where the ladies are hyper-sexualized (assuming hetero-leaning due to Amy), that's a big red flag to me.  That suggests to me that Sheldon isn't a sexual being; not because he had never had a girlfriend and not because he didn't WANT a girlfriend but because, apparently, he's never felt a ping! of sexual desire towards anyone.

 

The only time he's ever been excited about someone was when he was impressed intellectually by them, IMO. He can scoff at and disdain the notion of relationships, but if he's really never popped a boner over someone, real or fictional, I'd argue that he's asexual.

 

The way Sheldon has been presented made me unhappy that they were trying to pair him up with Amy. The way they have him behave towards Amy made it worse. The way they have Amy behave? Utterly repugnant on every single level to me.

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Regarding Sheldon's lack of any sort of sexual desire, don't forget about the exchange between Leonard and Sheldon in the first segment of the pilot episode. They go to a sperm bank to sell their sperm to earn extra money.

Sheldon: Leonard, I don’t think I can do this.

Leonard: What, are you kidding? You’re a semi-pro.

When the pilot episode is shown in syndication the first segment is omitted and the episode begins when they return home and meet Penny who is moving in across the hall. I guess the writers originally intended for Sheldon to have more desire for sex, etc. but as the show progressed there was some retconning of this part of his character.

In the original unaired pilot there is mention of Sheldon having sex.

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In the pilot characters are usually not thought through yet (see also Chuck Bass the attempted rapist on Gossip Girl, or Donna's mysteriously disappearing sister on That 70's show). Sheldon was quite different in the pilot compared to three, four episodes later, more of the stereotypical, if more antisocial than Leonard, nerd guy. They clearly changed it and there have been a lot of indications since then that Sheldon doesn't feel sexual desire. Obviously, this being a sitcom it has been inconsistent and they also seem to want to change it around, because God knows there cannot be a TV show where the characters don't end up being paired up. But based on the show and on the creator's comments in a lot of interviews I fully believe they intended Sheldon to be asexual, until somebody probably went "nope, all of these guys need girlfriends, pronto". I love Amy, and I like this version better than the robot Amy we were originally introduced to, but that Amy and Sheldon could have had an interesting, unconventional, asexual relationship. New Amy basically talks about nothing else than wanting to sleep with Sheldon these days, which is especially baffling as she also appears to be annoyed by 90% of what he does and says. 

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In The Alien Parasite Hypothesis Sheldon tells Amy that he suppresses feelings of sexual arousal using the Vulcan mental discipline of Kolinar. Presumably it was something he took up after Penny moved next door and could discontinue if he dealt with the other issues keeping him from having a physical relationship with Amy.

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That's exactly what I mean, LoneHaranguer.  I felt that the made enough references to Sheldon deliberately suppressing emotion of any kind, not just sexual feelings, that it was clear the writers were conveying that the Sheldon we see is, at least partially, self created.

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I liked it when Amy was Sheldon's friend who was a girl and not his girlfriend.  In fact, my favorite period of their relationship was late in season four when they'd toned down some of Amy's She-Sheldon qualities and hadn't yet made her quite so sex-starved.  Their interaction during the gossip social experiment was the high point of their relationship, in my opinion.

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Their interaction during the gossip social experiment was the high point of their relationship, in my opinion.

 

Amy was such a vixen with the social sciences!

 

I also loved Amy and Sheldon's video chat conversion in The Agreement Dissection when Amy has a hangover and found the Korean man's business card tucked into her cleavage. Mayim really sold it.

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I intentionally ignored what happened in the pilot simply because actors/characters etc often are changed from the pilot.

 

 

In The Alien Parasite Hypothesis Sheldon tells Amy that he suppresses feelings of sexual arousal using the Vulcan mental discipline of Kolinar.

 

I'm not sure I've seen that episode because that doesn't sound familiar to me. However, since Vulcans don't actually exist, I can't help but wonder if Sheldon is kind of...sassing Amy there? Wouldn't be the first time he's made up shit around her.

 

I don't know. Maybe things shifted later in the season (which I haven't watched yet), but from what I've seen so far, I can't think of a time when Sheldon has expressed an actual interest in Amy 'that way'. When I witness his interactions with her, I don't see a guy burying his sexual interest because he's intellectually decided that he should be above biology; I see a guy who genuinely has no interest in a romantic/sexual relationship with Amy.

 

And either way, Amy is screwed...and not in the way she wants to be.

Edited by NoWillToResist
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I was against the concept of Sheldon getting a girlfriend, but I think they have done a good job with Amy, since I didn't mind it as much as I thought I would.  Still, I don't want it to progress to a sexual relationship.  Sheldon's asexualness is one of the unique aspects of him that I don't think should be changed.  That would be a complete 'jump the shark' moment for me, if they did sleep together.

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I'm not sure I've seen that episode because that doesn't sound familiar to me. However, since Vulcans don't actually exist, I can't help but wonder if Sheldon is kind of...sassing Amy there? Wouldn't be the first time he's made up shit around her.

 

Sheldon's admiration, even obsession, with Spock is a constant theme throughout the run of the series.  Intellectually he may know Vulcans (and Spock) don't exist but you wouldn't know that from the way he speaks about Spock and the way he has demonstrated on more than one occasion that he wants to be Spock.

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From what I remember, he only suggested Kolinahr to her though, without implying that's what he did. But again, the show's been inconsistent. He did say at some point a libido was something everyone must bear, but then there were also many instances where he flat out didn't seem to understand sexual attraction or drive at all. I'm sure the writers did that intentionally so they wouldn't be responsible for the accurate depiction of an asexual person, just like they intentionally don't say Sheldon has Aspergers. He's just "Sheldon", is what they said I believe.

 

All that said, I am also firmly in the camp that does not want Sheldon and Amy to have sex ever, and that's why I also want them to break up because horny Amy panting for Sheldon who either doesn't get her advances, or outright refuses them only to give her little bits to get her to stay is not fun to watch. Neither is Amy trying to trick and/or pressure him into being more intimate with her. I wish they hadn't made Sheldon possessive, because then they could have had a really unconventional relationship where Amy simply met her needs elsewhere, but their intellectual and emotional bond was fine.

Edited by KatWay
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From what I remember, he only suggested Kolinahr to her though, without implying that's what he did.

After Amy says something like "I have genitals. I have the potential for sexual arousal.", Sheldon responds with "A cross we all must bear. You know, in difficult moments like this, I often turn to a force greater than myself.", which he explains by talking about Spock and Kolinar.. After Amy disses his suggestion, calling Star Trek "cheap science fiction", Sheldon tells her he's using Kolinar to suppress his anger at her comment.

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Having a libido/masturbating/sexual arousal doesn't exclude someone from being asexual though. Here's some more info about it, if anyone is interested. 

 

And here's a good quote from another question further down the page:

 

People who identify as asexual don't experience sexual attraction, if you don't share that experience you may still find it useful to participate in our community. Asexuality is about lack of attraction to other people, not about lack of activity.

Edited by Dilandau

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I'm sure the writers did that intentionally so they wouldn't be responsible for the accurate depiction of an asexual person, just like they intentionally don't say Sheldon has Aspergers. He's just "Sheldon", is what they said I believe.

 

Given how insensitive Chuck Lorre & Co. are about virtually everything, I don't think they would care all that much about responsibility for how they represent minority groups (in this case those with autism and asexual people) in fiction.

 

Not to mention there's the whole "if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's a duck" school of thought. No matter what the writers say, they have written a character that meets almost every criteria for Asperger's syndrome and acts like a textbook example of an asexual person. They can't portray Sheldon in very deliberate, specific ways and then go, "Oh he's just Sheldon" and expect others not to form their own reasonable interpretations.

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He treats her like shit. She can do so much better. I wish they'd just let these two be friends and move her on to another partner (male or female).

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I actually think Amy treats Sheldon like shit most of the time and degrades everything that interests him .. So I too can't wait for them to break up..

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