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Hoarding: Buried Alive - General Discussion


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On 3/9/2017 at 8:21 PM, Jeeves said:

 

 

OMG. That was Shirley. TLC ran that episode this morning and I watched the last half of it while walking on the treadmill. I know I'd seen it before but my jaw still dropped when the exterminators were inspecting the house. Oh my Lord, the roaches and filth! 

Yep, @Giant Misfit - "beast" is exactly the word for Shirley. Does anyone know if they did a followup episode about her? Lord, those poor kids. What vile parents they had. 

Sherry and she passed away about a year ago. She was into Wiccan worship. I googled her.

There’s a youtube video of her sorting through some power rocks and glaring at the shrink and telling her in so many words that bad things happen to people she gets pissed off at.

Remember that gigantic sack of pills she had? She’d just sort of languidly reach for it with that metal claw and wash a few down with a Pepsi.

Her son tried to start a GoFundMe not long ago it was one of those I am broke and need your $$$$ type deals.

Edited by CoachWristletJen
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Today's episode, called, "Oh My Gosh," is just full of classic Hoarder excuses.  Tammy and her daughter, a teen who would be pretty except no one has bothered to replace her missing front teeth and it looks like someone broke her nose at some point, too.  The girl tells the therapist that she's tired of being blamed for her mother's hoard and Tammy says, "It's true!  I've been picking up for you since the day you were born!"  The therapist just let that pass and I don't think he should have.  Someone needs to inform Tammy that babies and toddlers can't pick up after themselves and school age children are in school all day while you sit on your fat rear, Tammy!  It's fine to teach children to put things away and learn to do housework but ultimately it is the parents' job to keep that house clean.  I just wouldn't stand for a parent blaming the children.

The other woman blamed her hoard on the husband who left her long ago.  She says, "I didn't know he had left until I got the divorce papers in the mail."  What does that tell you?  They never, ever think that the condition of the house might have been a factor in the spouse leaving. 

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On ‎12‎/‎11‎/‎2017 at 3:03 PM, JudyObscure said:

The other woman blamed her hoard on the husband who left her long ago.  She says, "I didn't know he had left until I got the divorce papers in the mail."  What does that tell you?  They never, ever think that the condition of the house might have been a factor in the spouse leaving. 

Well karma got me on that one.  After 37 years of keeping a spotless house,  I found out on my anniversary, yesterday, that Mr. Obscure is having an affair with a 30 year-old woman who looks like Jay Leno in drag.  I'll bet her housekeeping skills didn't  factor at all.

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8 minutes ago, JudyObscure said:

Well karma got me on that one.  After 37 years of keeping a spotless house,  I found out on my anniversary, yesterday, that Mr. Obscure is having an affair with a 30 year-old woman who looks like Jay Leno in drag.  I'll bet her housekeeping skills didn't  factor at all.

Judy - I'm so sorry.  

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Just now, JudyObscure said:

Thanks AZ, I know it's totally off topic, other than I'm sitting here collecting  past grudges like microwave cartons in a hoarder's kitchen.  My anger is just overflowing everywhere, today.

You are entitled to be angry.  Better to let it out than hold it in.  But it sucks that he pulled this right before Christmas.  And to tell you on your anniversary?  I'm angry FOR you.

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Sorry to jump in, but I'm angry for you too @JudyObscure. These things are so often blamed on the wife, but the facts are it has nothing to do with her. This is a character flaw & purely the cheater's problem.

Definitely process the anger so it doesn't affect your health or anything (happens all the time) -take care of you.

So sorry you're going through this.

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Dang, @JudyObscure, that sucks. I'm so sorry. I wish you the best in dealing with it.

About the show, the other day Discovery Life re-ran the episode called something like 'The House Killed Her,' where we never met the hoarder because she was dead already.

The episode showed her three kids as they dealt with clearing out the house. There were two daughters, who seemed close in age, maybe late 30's or older, a much younger son (late 20's? or early 30's?). The son had lived with his mom in the hoarded house till her death. He seemed like a nice enough guy but a "failure to launch" which was so sad. I don't think the daughters lived anywhere nearby (the house was somewhere in Florida).

The hoarder had assured her kids that she owned the house free and clear and it should go to her son, but the bank was about to foreclose. There was a huge hunt for the paperwork that would prove the bank wrong, and they even brought in a psychic to help. I felt so bad for all the hoarder's children, and I hope the older daughters were able to help their brother make a fresh start. 

I usually watch and forget these episodes, but this one has stuck in my memory. The hoarder was gone but the emotional damage lived on and had to be dealt with. One of the daughters blew up in a massive and awesome rage fit and I was cheering her on as she let out the anger. Trashed an old chair in the process. I'm sitting there thinking, You go, girl!

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On 12/14/2017 at 9:25 AM, JudyObscure said:

Well karma got me on that one.  After 37 years of keeping a spotless house,  I found out on my anniversary, yesterday, that Mr. Obscure is having an affair with a 30 year-old woman who looks like Jay Leno in drag.  I'll bet her housekeeping skills didn't  factor at all.

I'm sorry. That's a difficult thing to go through. 

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On 12/14/2017 at 8:25 AM, JudyObscure said:

Well karma got me on that one.  After 37 years of keeping a spotless house,  I found out on my anniversary, yesterday, that Mr. Obscure is having an affair with a 30 year-old woman who looks like Jay Leno in drag.  I'll bet her housekeeping skills didn't  factor at all.

Oh, Judy, I am so sorry. I follow you on here and the other hoarding board and I always look forward to what you say. I feel like I know you. I am so, so sorry.

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Thanks, Mojeaux and everyone else.  You sure are all a  nice supportive group.  I hate to derail the thread even further, but I'll give a quick up date since you've all been so nice as to care:  I found out through an email, where she was asking to meet him and he responded with a place and time.  I exploded and stayed furious all last week, with him just repeating that they hadn't actually done anything and he was really, really stupid to have agreed to meet her, etc.  Finally, I decided to "believe" him for the sake of going forward and he has volunteered to not put me in any position where I have to trust him in the future.  Since we're retired, that's actually possible.

Anyhow, I feel reassured and not like we have to start over at our age.  This is best, not only for us, but our extended families, who know nothing about this bump in the road thanks to me venting here instead of on them.  Yay you guys!

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On 12/14/2017 at 9:25 AM, JudyObscure said:

Well karma got me on that one.  After 37 years of keeping a spotless house,  I found out on my anniversary, yesterday, that Mr. Obscure is having an affair with a 30 year-old woman who looks like Jay Leno in drag.  I'll bet her housekeeping skills didn't  factor at all.

Oh, man! I am so sorry, @JudyObscure! There is nothing good about your situation but at least you can express your rage and anger in a normal manner instead of hoarding up your entire first floor with empty Pepsi 24-pack containers, handbags, and dog poop. Right on with @gonecrackers advice - you take care of you. What a garbage human he is. 

EDIT: WEIRD! For some reason, Judy's update didn't show up until I posted my response. Huh. Best of luck, Judy! Hope everything is on its way back to normal. :) 

On 12/16/2017 at 10:16 AM, Jeeves said:

About the show, the other day Discovery Life re-ran the episode called something like 'The House Killed Her,' where we never met the hoarder because she was dead already.

Does Discovery Life rerun this show daily? Or is it a hit or miss chance of a showing? After all these years, I'm still fuming TLC cancelled it. 

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I love you guys!  Especially Giant Misfit's post which switched smoothly from he's garbage to best of luck. LOL. That's how good friends do it, by golly!  I'm not as gullible as I probably sound but there are people in our lives who we both love and who are very vulnerable and would be just wrecked if we split up.   Also one good thing about older marriages is that we aren't as passionate, which can be a downside or an upside if that makes sense.

I went looking for "The House Killed Her, too, and only found a clip on YouTube.  That was enough to bring it all back to mind. Sheesh.

I'm hoping we'll get a marathon after Christmas like we did last year.  The powers that be know we need cleaning motivation, we've seen how easy it is to leave your Christmas decorations up for the next 20 to 30 years.

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11 hours ago, atlantaloves said:

God I am glad I am Jewish. 

You don't know the half of it Atlanta!  I always get a feeling of dread right after Thanksgiving knowing I have to; decorate the house and yard, come up with new present ideas for everyone on my list, shop, remember wrapping paper ribbon and scotch tape, write Christmas cards, shop for food, bake, cook, clean, serve something special on Christmas Eve, have the full turkey dinner for extended family on Christmas Day, afterward wash dishes for about three hours.  Spend boxing day restoring order.  I'm not saying there aren't some warm wonderful moments, but in most households the holiday puts a lot of extra work on the mother.

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Good God from Zion.....glad my holidays do not involve so much work, unless you want to make it for yourself, which any of us can certainly do.  I do have to wrap and mail gifts and send a few cards, but I mainly just go to Temple and slug back a few drinks afterwards.   Snort!  These things are suppose to be religious, right? ?

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3 hours ago, atlantaloves said:

These things are suppose to be religious, right? 

Hah!  Yes they are and I left the going to Midnight Mass part out because I like that, for me that's part of the warm, wonderful bit.  Of course there are all sorts of totally non-religious people who love Christmas.  I think for them it's just our national holiday with presents  and eggnog.

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On 12/14/2017 at 8:25 AM, JudyObscure said:

Well karma got me on that one.  After 37 years of keeping a spotless house,  I found out on my anniversary, yesterday, that Mr. Obscure is having an affair with a 30 year-old woman who looks like Jay Leno in drag.  I'll bet her housekeeping skills didn't  factor at all.

I popped in here while watching the marathon and saw your post. I am sorry you have had to deal with this, but heartened that maybe things are looking up.  I've always enjoyed your posts and years ago noted how cool your name is.

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OMG. I'm watching a repeat of S4:E05, "Just Tear it Down." The one with the couple - Doug and Darlene - whose house was literally flooded with sewage. A situation which they allowed to continue for years. In addition to the hoard. Darlene almost cheerfully admitted she was a lifelong hoarder. Bristled when the organizer (or therapist, I forget) said that the amount of fecal matter in that house was actually dangerous. No, snowflake, she wasn't being cold and cruel to you. She was being serious. That was an effing hazmat situation.

Then, a couple of minutes ago they found this:

Spoiler

A flat cat. Dead behind a big dresser for at least two years. The wife said, oh, the cat was really old and had been sick and I was looking for it to take it to the vet and couldn't find it. 

Holy sh*t. I mean actual sh*t. As in, a river of sh*t flowing through the house. And the couple just swimming in the denial. I don't remember how this one ended but in five minutes I'll find out.

ETA: Doug saw the light late in the episode. They apparently got the sewage cleaned up and cleared out the house to a great degree, but decided to sell the house. Doug seemed relieved and Darlene said she couldn't guarantee her hoarding would never happen again. They drove off into the sunset together. 

Edited by Jeeves
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2 hours ago, Jeeves said:

OMG. I'm watching a repeat of S4:E05, "Just Tear it Down." The one with the couple - Doug and Darlene - whose house was literally flooded with sewage. A situation which they allowed to continue for years. In addition to the hoard. Darlene almost cheerfully admitted she was a lifelong hoarder. Bristled when the organizer (or therapist, I forget) said that the amount of fecal matter in that house was actually dangerous. No, snowflake, she wasn't being cold and cruel to you. She was being serious. That was an effing hazmat situation.

Then, a couple of minutes ago they found this:

  Hide contents

A flat cat. Dead behind a big dresser for at least two years. The wife said, oh, the cat was really old and had been sick and I was looking for it to take it to the vet and couldn't find it. 

Holy sh*t. I mean actual sh*t. As in, a river of sh*t flowing through the house. And the couple just swimming in the denial. I don't remember how this one ended but in five minutes I'll find out.

ETA: Doug saw the light late in the episode. They apparently got the sewage cleaned up and cleared out the house to a great degree, but decided to sell the house. Doug seemed relieved and Darlene said she couldn't guarantee her hoarding would never happen again. They drove off into the sunset together. 

Just now watching, trying to keep my jaw off the floor at their insistence that all that sewage was not harmful to them or to their possessions.  I am not by any stretch a super housekeeper, but that just made me gag and gawp in disbelief.  

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2 hours ago, Jeeves said:

They apparently got the sewage cleaned up and cleared out the house to a great degree, but decided to sell the house

That was an unforgettable episode and this part just seemed barely legal to me.  How can anyone, in good conscience, sell a house that has been soaked with sewage?  All the flooring, the subflooring and the lower parts of the drywall must be contaminated.  Shudder.

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8 minutes ago, JudyObscure said:

That was an unforgettable episode and this part just seemed barely legal to me.  How can anyone, in good conscience, sell a house that has been soaked with sewage?  All the flooring, the subflooring and the lower parts of the drywall must be contaminated.  Shudder.

I think in that case the sewage flood would have been disclosed.  Because there was lingering damage to the house that Doug and Darlene couldn't afford to fix up. IIRC the sewage flood was caused by a backed-up septic tank system. There were some shots, in the last minutes of the episode, of mold on walls, areas where drywall had been ripped out, and some damaged ceilings. Plus, they were walking around on subflooring, where carpeting or other finish flooring had been removed. I assume that at least some decontamination had been done but many repairs remained to be done. I could see the place being sold as a teardown or a super fixer upper. Not sure how much equity the couple had in the place. If she was shopping to the extent of being a hoarder, they probably were in debt up to their armpits, unless they had a lot more money than they seemed to. Doug said at the end of the episode that the needed repairs to the house amounted to more than he'd earned the year before.

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1 hour ago, JudyObscure said:

That was an unforgettable episode and this part just seemed barely legal to me.  How can anyone, in good conscience, sell a house that has been soaked with sewage?  All the flooring, the subflooring and the lower parts of the drywall must be contaminated.  Shudder.

I was kind of surprised that they were even allowed back in the house after the standing sewage was spotted by the inspector.  I expected him to say that that had to be addressed before they could stay there even a minute.  As for selling it, yeah, that seemed dicey- hopefully the new owners more or less start over from scratch.

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On 2/6/2018 at 4:14 PM, atlantaloves said:

Whoa.....saw the video of this guy in court, he is nuts and doesn't obey any laws. That's what happens to hoarders who just won't DO ANYTHING. I know it is an illness, but my God. There is no helping this person. 

I bet the neighbors will have the biggest block party of all time once that thing is emptied out.  How did social services allow a baby to live in that filth?  

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Just catching up.   Judy {{Hugs}}.   I know forgiveness is complicated and layered and I just wish you both all the best in being able to work through it.   I hope that sentiment isn't mutually exclusive to calling him a fucked up rat bastard - hear it as a whisper if it helps :D  

I've always been fascinated by how much ya'll pay attention to details.  Like names.   There are, what?  2 hoarders featured on the regular episode and 1 on HBA?  So I sit there and think, how hard can it be to remember this child's name they've said it every 12 minutes.   Can't.    I'm enthralled by the "careful" placement of their shit.   Last night, 41 year old lady described as a shopaholic.   First her friend came.   Then some Constable preassigned to her case came, poor baby.   I took a sip of Don Julio for each time he said feces and I was fucked up by the time they came back from commercial.    This lady's friend was horrified, of course.  But then she dug her heels in to help and asked the Hoarder what they should begin with.   She said something unintelligible when the friend made the ever loving terrible mistake of picking up a random magazine.   Hoarder was getting antsy (while she did nothing).  Friend moved a pile of clothes from hither to yonder and Hoarder's anxiety ramped up.   She needed to be soothed, which one of her dogs must've sensed because he showed up to be petted.   Friend picked up dog's stuffed animal toy and asked what to do with it.   Not whether she was ready to throw it out or where it goes, what should we do with it.  Hoarder began a bat shit crazy rant about how she was overwhelmed and "couldn't do any more of this today".    Sweatergawd I said the same thing her friend did at the same time.  Any more of what?   You ain't do shit but pet the dog.     The kicker for me was when she, of course, went to over to the mobile dumpster to inspect what was being discarded and asked the main cleanup hazmat guy why he was throwing out a perfectly good (let's call it a lamp).   He said it's broken.  She hollered "It's NOT broken I bent that shelf myself"- {{pinchesbridgeofnose}} the fucking conclusion of which.....is......it's BROKEN.   I ain't even tell yall it was a tripod style stand missing its 3rd leg so irreparable in two different places.     She defended not having removed a full hefty bag of petrified dog shit but insisting that the SPCA wouldn't need to take the dogs because they were loved and fed and well cared for.    As the episode ends, she gets the right to stay in the house conditioned upon her continuing to clean.   The Constable comes back to check on her progress (which she's making painstakingly slowly) and shows them seated at her now usable dining room table having coffee and cookies.   All I could think was dude you've seen a grown man run careening away from her refrigerator.   And you're gonna eat in this woman's house?    She also mentioned being an intentional asshole to her neighbors by leaving the porch a hot ass mess because they kept filing complaints about her.    So just to clarify, the second floor of your home is unusable because it's covered in a 2 inch pile layer of animal feces dust but I'm the problem?  Mkay.

I still can't quit them though.

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22 hours ago, ZaldamoWilder said:

  Hoarder began a bat shit crazy rant about how she was overwhelmed and "couldn't do any more of this today"

Hilarious recap Zaldo.  I knew who you were talking about even without the names.  I remember I ended the show thinking young Miss Hoarder was crushing on the constable and thought she could get him over for tea and encouragement anytime she threw away a used tissue.  Poor man.

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Thank you Zaldo, I remember that episode as well, because I seriously wanted to kill that bitch. Great recap kiddo. You should do all of them for us, we love our episodes! You would enjoy the English version of Hoarders as well, they are so charming with their HOARD. Taa Taa. 

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I'm confused at why hoarding counselors exist. If you want these people to hold every object and then decide, it will take 20 years! Just bring in the backhoe and send these spoiled-rotten adult toddlers into the street. They are all a menace to their neighbors, who are losing property value. Sheesh.

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On 2/21/2018 at 11:49 AM, JudyObscure said:

Hilarious recap Zaldo.  I knew who you were talking about even without the names.  I remember I ended the show thinking young Miss Hoarder was crushing on the constable and thought she could get him over for tea and encouragement anytime she threw away a used tissue.  Poor man.

Sooooo, ya'll really aren't gonna tell me her name?  Lol!!   I'll settle for his name, I wanna check to make sure she didn't wind up Kathy Bates'ing his ass to the bedposts. 

On 3/1/2018 at 9:31 AM, atlantaloves said:

Thank you Zaldo, I remember that episode as well, because I seriously wanted to kill that bitch. Great recap kiddo. You should do all of them for us, we love our episodes! You would enjoy the English version of Hoarders as well, they are so charming with their HOARD. Taa Taa. 

Thank you!  I would babes but I only ever catch it by scrolling "accident".   If it's a marathon nobody's allowed to touch the remote lol. 

On 3/19/2018 at 3:54 PM, Maricopa said:

I'm confused at why hoarding counselors exist. If you want these people to hold every object and then decide, it will take 20 years! Just bring in the backhoe and send these spoiled-rotten adult toddlers into the street. They are all a menace to their neighbors, who are losing property value. Sheesh.

Yeah.  This was me when I first started watching.  Then on one episode, one of the therapists, his name is Matt (you guys I remembered a name! :D) was trying to explain it to a relative and he said think of it like this:  when you see someone with a disorder, you know because it's on the outside.   Alcoholics look drunk, food addicts are overweight, their struggle is obvious.  Think of a hoard and hoarding itself as a the physical representation of what the inside of their head looks like.   And dammit just like that, he made me look at and understand it in a way I hadn't before.    Why not John Deere all that shit out the way and go about your business also has an explanation, according to the therapist that looks like Tonya Harding.  If they're not in control of the removal, the work it takes to get there and the acknowledgment that this even is a problem, they'll rehoard as soon as the house is empty.   Deep, huh?

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On 3/27/2018 at 11:02 AM, ZaldamoWilder said:

  Then on one episode, one of the therapists, his name is Matt (you guys I remembered a name! :D) was trying to explain it to a relative and he said think of it like this:  when you see someone with a disorder, you know because it's on the outside.   Alcoholics look drunk, food addicts are overweight, their struggle is obvious.  Think of a hoard and hoarding itself as a the physical representation of what the inside of their head looks like.  

I love this explanation - it does help understand what's happening in their minds!  I had an epiphany with some of my 6th graders one year very similar to this - I realized they couldn't go left to right, top to bottom in their spiral notebooks for daily grammar/geography practice because their minds did not work left to right, top to bottom.  It didn't really help me with a solution, but at least I kind of understood why today's work was never just below yesterday's.  

Edited by Calamity Jane
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Can anyone tell me what ended up happening with Jahn? She was the lady with two houses packed with crap, two daughters who hadn't seen the houses in 10-15 years and were mortified, who whined and cried to manipulate the organizer/others who were there to help her (okay, that could be just about any of the hoarders on this show), and ended up moving everything outside (so she could do it "her way") and as a result caught the eye of the city. I was working and at the last second looked over and didn't catch what the conclusion was (typed out on the screen). Did she eventually clean up the yard? Or get put out by the city?

Edited by Teri313
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1 hour ago, Teri313 said:

Can anyone tell me what ended up happening with Jahn? She was the lady with two houses packed with crap, two daughters who hadn't seen the houses in 10-15 years and were mortified, who whined and cried to manipulate the organizer/others who were there to help her (okay, that could be just about any of the hoarders on this show), and ended up moving everything outside (so she could do it "her way") and as a result caught the eye of the city. I was working and at the last second looked over and didn't catch what the conclusion was (typed out on the screen). Did she eventually clean up the yard? Or get put out by the city?

I think Jahn brought all the stuff from her driveway back into the house.  On a later episode, they brought Jahn on to talk to a 16-year-old hoarder ("this could be you").  

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Thanks AZC. So it sounds like nothing changed. She moved all of her crap back into the house and ultimately became a willing example for others. I'd be interested to know what percentage of these people end up back in the same boat. It's too bad.

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I think the rate is about 80% that go back to hoarding, right? It's as bad as booze or drugs. God, I miss this show, but since Matt has quit the business, it wouldn't be the same anyway.  Ahhhhhhh he was just a bucket of love wasn't he? ❤️

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I love to watch “clean hoarders” but it seems these shows have been going for more shock value & showing the ones that turn my stomach- rivers of feces on wet carpet, dead pets, roaches, etc. 

Zaldo, I love your recaps & agree you should be doing more of these. “Therapist that looks like Tonya Harding” made me snort with laughter!

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I watched one today either Utah or KY. The wife left her husband when she could "no longer live with his hoard"

The problem is that she left two young children behind to live in that hoard (she moved out of State) with their father. I think they were around 4/5 yrs old. She said that she came to visit them once a year but couldn't stay in the house because of how disgusting it was.

Her teenage/grown son asked her why she left them there and stormed away (never to be seen on camera again, when she didn't have an answer. *I don't think she did ?

I want to know why she left 2 small children there, when it was "too disgusting" for her to live there ?

Know what episode I'm talking about ?

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On 5/1/2018 at 1:45 AM, Mrsjumbo said:

I love to watch “clean hoarders” but it seems these shows have been going for more shock value & showing the ones that turn my stomach- rivers of feces on wet carpet, dead pets, roaches, etc. 

The cleanest ones are usually the ones on Hoarding: Behind Closed Doors, the British show.  I haven't seen it on for a while.

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The show “Clean House” was fun, although I think some of the messes were fake. Every one of them had an unmade bed with dresser drawers opened with clothes hanging out. I think the producers told them to “make it look messy”. No one is faking on Hoarders!

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(edited)
On 5/13/2018 at 8:22 PM, atlantaloves said:

Oh I love the British show, it is a shame it was cancelled. That wonderful Greek doctor is a saint as well as a cutie.  And they are such polite charming hoarders aren't they? 

And the organizers, is it Chloe?  And her team.
They have had a few with filth and vermin,  but mostly collectors of specific things.

Edited by auntjess
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On 3/27/2018 at 11:02 AM, ZaldamoWilder said:

Why not John Deere all that shit

Haha I'm going to use the fabulous verb "John Deere" whilst backhoeing my late parents' 12 x 12 storage units. Seriously, I'm calling that junk removal co they feature in the show! My idiot brother apparently found, years ago, an extremely valuable stamp collections (latest stamp around 1936) and then lost it. The only thing of value in there, unless an upholstered can use buckets of dust bunnies.

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(edited)

That company for junk removal (that they use) is one of the most expensive in the business. I called them once to pick up a lot of old furniture and a zillion record albums, and they wanted at least 600.00 to do it.  I found an old guy with a huge truck who only charged me a couple hundred and did a terrific job. He even donated my old sofa to a woman's shelter. 

Edited by atlantaloves
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