S13.E08: Where's The Beef

[Tarasme]

I was confused during this entire episode.

 

From the most idiotic QF I've witnessed (though, I agree with BravoFan27- Amar was awesome throughout) to a Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeefffssstttteaaaaaaaaaaaak. BEEF. STEAK. BEEFSTEAK. Challenge with almost NO BEEF.

 

And Jeremy- I've crushed on you player but please, don't go all Machiavelli on me now. Playing to win should include assisting your own team in presenting the best damn food possible. No matter how much we all loathe Philip.

 

For reeellz, I'm wondering if there is shenanigans to keep Kwame because how Carl's lone cow w/ Karen's sauce (???) kept them out of the bottom- without even a judges table meep about mealy shrimp- is a mystery.

 

The entire hour was a whirlwind of WTF.

Edited January 29, 2016 by Tarasme

[paultab]

1 to the "over-served" sentiment I read earlier. Hugh Acheson, I swear, said that Kwame's shrimp was "A LI'L BIG... OVERCOOKED?"

[GoMocs]

I got the challenge and was shocked at the food being cooked. Imagine those restuarants with knights jousting..where they don't give you utensils, that is the theme. The perfect dish would have been a tomahawk ribeye for each person there, but I guess the budget was not enough for that and whole foods didn't have 100 of them in stock. Think Flintstones sized beef ribs..that is what this was supposed to be about...gluttony...

 

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/c0/c3/da/c0c3da256bd2b072a9c085b5bec74ede.jpg

[Major Bigtime]

The only thing that made this episode interesting was not finding out who had immunity until the very end. 

The quickfire itself was ridiculous, but it removed some of the gamesmanship and "I can coast I have immunity this week."

I agree, I wish they'd hold off announcing who has immunity until final judging.

The entire show was boring and if I couldn't figure out what was going on, neither could the chefs it seems.

[GoMocs]

and now Kwame has given two consecutive poor dishes...maybe he is not as good as we all thought...he is clearly capable of putting out mediocre food.

[jette]

Help me remember, because I'm not sure Jeremy can actually cook proteins. He's done well with raw fish and now sides, but didn't he get dinged the only other time he put a protein in a pan and applied fire?

 

Still hoping for an Isaac - Marjorie final 2...with Isaac edging her out.

[AriAu]

You do realize that Jacques la Merde means Jack Shit, right? Totally sums up this poor excuse for a Top Chef episode.

 

You got here first!

Just an awful excuse for an episode-useless quickfire. They could produce inedible food as long as it looked good???? No one points for taste at all???

Then, poor instructions on what they were to do (or edited that way) lead to some really weird choices, not the least of which was the lack of beef at an event called "BeefSteak". 

Very bummed that ManBun did well since I agree with posters above that he will be even more insufferable and delusional in future episodes (altho I hope it is only episode and not episodes).

I am an Isaac fan since he has the only real/non-bland (and tolerable) personality on the show, but I am surprised that the sausage, with that much bacon could end up dry. I thought he would go home for not being able to do "refined", and instead he almost went home for making rustic.

The people doing sides played it really smart-stay simple and in your wheelhouse.

Dreading Restaurant Wars since it looks like they will have to deal with décor-I like it better when they take that out of the equation.

[RCharter]

Help me remember, because I'm not sure Jeremy can actually cook proteins. He's done well with raw fish and now sides, but didn't he get dinged the only other time he put a protein in a pan and applied fire?

 

Still hoping for an Isaac - Marjorie final 2...with Isaac edging her out.

I like Isaac...a lot, but I can't see him as final 2...maybe final 3 or 4.  But I would be happy to be wrong about it.

 

However, I think this show will be a huge boost for him.  I feel like he must make the best, best, best tasting down home food.  OK, maybe not better than Mothers, but still, I bet that is some delicious food.

 

I guess I'm not very refined, because a beautiful plate is something where I know the food is gonna be good.  Like you give me some gumbo and its nice and thick, and it has the right coloring and I can see those delicious sausages and seafood peeking up....thats a beautiful plate of food for me.  Because I know that is going to be some tasty food!  Or you see some collared greens and they are so darkly green, and you can just tell that they are soft, tender and tangy.  A light and pretty plate is nice to, but it doesn't make me want to really eat food, in fact its like "gee, it looks so pretty I'm not sure I really want to mess up all this work"

[attica]

Chris Cosentino's hot, tho.

[TiffanyNichelle]

I think it's pretty funny that after weeks of trying to cook what the judges want, Phillip gave up, cooked what he wanted and finally gave the judges what they wanted. Still hate him.

 

Everyone at that table was totally sloshed and that cracked me up. Drunk or not, they were still right about the food.

 

I don't understand why most of the chefs seem to get it so wrong. As soon as Padma explained the idea of Beefsteak I knew it was supposed to be lots and lots of meat, like a dressy version of Medieval Times (without the jousting).

[Archery]

That Quickfire reminded me of the snack-food challenge that gave us Mikey's Cheetos-on-a-Snickers-Bar offering.

[In Pog Form]

Everyone at that table was totally sloshed and that cracked me up. Drunk or not, they were still right about the food.

I don't think they were drunk enough. I was disappointed that Padma didn't break a bottle over the table and threaten to cut someone.

[5WeePups]

 

I thought that was pretty obvious from the get-go. The description provided of the event made it seem pretty clear that "messy" and "caveman" was the nature of the challenge. I never got "easily picked up as single servings" from the set-up, as he was talking about how messy they would get, and how it's orgiastic and gluttonous.--In Pog Form

 

 

I, too, immediately understood the parameters of the challenge and was baffled by the chef's choices.  I was thinking big, juicy veal chops, ox tail, ribs,etc.  But I had baked Cheetos and a banana for breakfast, so what do I know?  I do agree that Whole Foods wasn't the place to shop for the big hunks of meat required by the event.  Perhaps they were thrown by the disconnect of a quick fire where plating was everything and taste meant nothing and then being asked to do what boiled down to the polar opposite.

 

Hosting an event to raise money for hunger that glorifies and revels in gluttony, decadence and excess is perverse to say the least.

 

[Bastet]

I don't understand why most of the chefs seem to get it so wrong. As soon as Padma explained the idea of Beefsteak I knew it was supposed to be lots and lots of meat, like a dressy version of Medieval Times (without the jousting).

 

Same here, so I was pretty close to stunned only one person served meat on the bone. 

 

Whew, I was afraid Kwame might be going home tonight with the mealy shrimp (ugh) and the extra time spent on his back story at the beginning!  I expected him to be called out at judges table more than he was.

 

Don't they go through everyone's dishes at JT, and we just don't see it?  Kwame was very lucky his team was in the middle, because his shrimp, while fitting nicely within challenge parameters, seemed to be a fairly universal disappointment.

 

Then again, I was sure Isaac was going home because his dish, while fitting nicely within challenge parameters, seemed to be a fairly universal disappointment.  Yet the guy who made food everyone seemed to enjoy eating but was out of the place for the event was sent packing instead.

 

I'm glad they didn't go reaching for things to criticize about Marjorie's dish to make it seem like she was up for elimination, but were instead clear that she put out well-received food on a losing team.

 

The QF challenge could had felt like a fun, lighthearted exercise if it hadn't taken up so much air time and, especially, if it hadn't conferred immunity this late in the game.

 

I know Beefsteak is a booze-soaked event, and it sure made a lot of people show their true colors; that was quite a lot of macho asshattery at one table. 

 

"We eat with our eyes first ..."

"People who say we eat with our eyes first should be stabbed with a pork chop bone."

Edited January 30, 2016 by Bastet

[Lightning]

Is it my imagination, or did Marjorie have some kind of facial work done between the end of the show and the TH's that were put in after-the-fact?  She looks very different and I don't know if it's only hair and make-up.  As for the "Beefeater" event -- I got that beef should be served, but didn't get the rip-it-off-the-bone-with-your-teeth aspect of it until the judges started complaining.    If Phillip had enough money to get those kind of lamb chops, then the others had enough to get beef or another kind of MEAT, not shrimp or tuna slices or halibut rolls.  Eating with your hands -- I think even a nicely cooked hamburger slider on Marjorie's milk rolls would have gone over better than the tuna/veggie "appetizers".   Also -- that beard of Chad's (?) really bothered me.  Beards hold lot of germs, and being so close to the food being prepared and served --yuck.  did they ever show him with a "beard net"?

Edited January 29, 2016 by Lightning

[Totale]

 

 If Phillip had enough money to get those kind of lamb chops, then the others had enough to get beef or another kind of MEAT, not shrimp or tuna slices or halibut rolls.

 

A fish dish for each team was part of the challenge.

[Nutjob]

I wanted to smack Padma... she was behaving like a drunk teenager at the table. Awful.

 

Other than that, I don't have much to say about this episode other than I was pretty bored with it, and now assume Marjorie is winning this thing.

[In Pog Form]

You do realize that Jacques la Merde means Jack Shit, right?

Actually, it means "Jack the Shit" - which has quite a different connotation.

[JoyousSpring]

This episode was pretty awful. I skipped through most of manbuns's stuff, he's intolerable. Far too much manbun tonight. And nobody's mentioned Padma's "pansy" comment! She officiated at a big gay wedding so she can use homophobic slurs? I wonder if the editors on the show just hate her so they edit to show her nastiness. 

[Charlesman]

The editors are totally screwing with us now. All those Philip talking heads and calls to his wife and backstory set up for him to go home. Got our hopes up and squashed them by actually giving him the win.

 

Except for my hopes. If I've suffered through him this far, I want the reward of seeing him flame out in Restaurant Wars!

[meep.meep]

This was just awful.  From the Quickfire that had nothing to do with cooking, to the challenge not being explained properly to the contestants, to the drunken judges - epic epic fail.  Bye bye Chad's beard!

[Pepper Mostly]

Wow, that Instagram thing was so cringeworthy. Was it supposed to be ironic or not?

When the chef appeared at the beginning anonymously, it seemed like it was supposed to be a satirical/ironic take on wanky modern food plating and photography. But then when she appeared later as Christine Flynn, she seemed earnest about how the plates were "beautiful" and "soigné."

Wasn't the whole point of her Instagram alter-ego supposed to be about how pretentious and unnecessary "food styling" can be?

Was I the only one who thought it was going to be Marcel? I remember him doing his "rap" in his season finale episode and saying his food was "soignee".  This instagram exercise seemed like the sort of thing Marcel would do, between famewhoring on any TV show that will have him. Were we supposed to know who this woman was? Everyone was so goggle eyed and grinning I was sure it would be someone known to the audience.

 

 

"We eat with your eyes first ..."

"People who say we eat with our eyes first should be stabbed with a pork chop bone."

 

Isaac has won my heart forever for that. Every time someone says "you eat with your eyes first!" I get all stabby.

Actually, it means "Jack the Shit" - which has quite a different connotation.

Actually, it means "Jim the Shit" Jacques is James. Jack would be John, or Jean. /nitpick. Sorry. I'll see myself out.

[In Pog Form]

Actually, it means "Jim the Shit" Jacques is James. Jack would be John, or Jean. /nitpick. Sorry. I'll see myself out.

I very much doubt that the author's intent was for it to be translated as "Jim" rather than "Jack." She's possibly not a Francophone.

Either way, these "Twitter celebrities" can go eat some shit with their mouths, not their eyes, as I don't really care how "soigné" it's plated. Firm with bits of corn in it, or diarrhea soup, as long as they eat shit.

Edited January 29, 2016 by In Pog Form

[LennieBriscoe]

To me, the biggest FAIL of the Instagram stupidity was that we weren't even allowed much time to see the plates! The nom de Instagram "Merde" was spot-on.**

 

As for the exercise in messy gluttony, the chefs needed to think "Henry VIII." A haunch of this, a trencher of that. Bones to the wolfhounds!

 

** I don't really care what her intent was, re: "Jacques" for "Jack"; when one strives to be oh-so-clever, one must take care also to be, you know, RIGHT. (It's a fail, too, if she was going for the like sound,  as "Merde" certainly sounds nothing like its English version.)

Edited January 29, 2016 by LennieBriscoe

[SteveAC10]

I have to be a contrarian with the consensus on this episode. Of course it was obvious the quickfire was about presentation and the main challenge about the pure unadulterated pleasure of tasting a great piece of meat. SJW complaints about the correctness of the main challenge aside, the was the perfect separation of a chef's two goals: Great presentation and great taste. I also find it more than a little interesting that despite not being assigned by their groups the two proteins, the two women in the losing groups "got it". Of the six chefs not in the winning group, they were probably least in danger of going to the secondary challenge on Bravo's website. They produced sides that were bold and venue appropriate (although it is more than a little concerning the two women in a meat challenge ended up relegated to bread and sides, even if we "saw" they volunteered). .

Edited January 29, 2016 by SteveAC10

[Bastet]

(although it is more than a little concerning the two women in a meat challenge ended up relegated to bread and sides, even if we "saw" they volunteered). .

 

I wondered about how that really went down, too, and then was thrilled to see they both got rave reviews for their dishes.

[sourpickles]

I'm going with terrible episode on this one. This is the kind of episode where I actually feel embarrassed for the participants. That QF COULD have been interesting, but the whole random instagram this just smacked of trying to be "current". Any other time they drag out a table of "insiders" to educate us masses, but now the public at large is just voting on how it looks? BS. I couldn't even process the whole rest of the episode because I was just so appalled at how that judging table or whatever you wanted to call it went during service. I'm so tired of watching Padma overtly and desperately try to be "food sexy". Everyone seemed drunk as skunks and rude to boot. And the obnoxious comments were too much. The comments didn't even to be constructive, just snarky. Oh, and the over the top, LOUD, cued, fake laughter that punctuates these events when more than three people are at the table. The whole segment just made me cringe. After that, I couldn't tell you who I thought did good or bad. Sucks to be Chad going home but if I were him I would have been relieved to get away from that mess. I'll have to rewatch and actually focus on the food this time. But also..BOO carrots!

Just read my own comment. Missed some words. It was supposed to be "Instagram THING" and "comments didn't SEEM to be". I got too upset to proofread myself! That's some overdone fandom right there ;).

[windfall]

Did the chefs have access to fryers? It sounds like a pile of fried chicken or fish and chips would've gone over well. Although I suppose that's not as messy as they would've liked. But yeah, the parameters of the challenge must not have been explained properly. I'm also baffled by why they required a fish dish. How many fish dishes does one usually eat without utensils? One beef dish plus another protein of their choice would've made more sense. I bet if anyone had served a few racks of ribs on those platters to the judges they'd be the unquestioned winners of the challenge.

 

Small personal quibble: I'm usually annoyed at peel and eat shrimp because part of the cost of going out to eat is paying for the preparation of the food. If I still have to peel the shrimp then it's not actually prepared. One of the food trucks on the great food truck race even decided to serve peel and eat shrimp because they didn't have the time to prepare them in a different way. Like Kwame said, peeling shrimp was part of his chores growing up. If it's a chore, then why would I want to do it? It's a perfectly valid dish, just not one that I would pay for.

[PepperMonkey]

Was I the only one who thought it was kind of funny when Phillip mentioned his "talk with the judges" last episode? Hahahahaha... wooo, that's rich. I still don't hate him because it's not nice to hate the crazy, but I literally cannot wait to see him acting like Napoleon for TWO WHOLE episodes of Restaurant Wars.

 

If he stays after that, he may win the whole thing.

 

Oh, and as far as Jeremy not applying any fire to a protein: In season two, which I cannot re-watch even after all these years, pretty Sam went to the finale without ever having cooked much. He pickled and ceviched, but he didn't heat much up, either.

Edited January 29, 2016 by PepperMonkey

[CoyoteBlue]

As for the "Beefeater" event -- I got that beef should be served, but didn't get the rip-it-off-the-bone-with-your-teeth aspect of it until the judges started complaining.    If Phillip had enough money to get those kind of lamb chops, then the others had enough to get beef or another kind of MEAT, not shrimp or tuna slices or halibut rolls.

 

I forget who did the halibut, but when he got a whole fish, I thought "Well, there you go. How lucky. Cook it whole, score it to make it easier to rip into and voila!" and yet we got tidy little fillets.

[snarktini]

I forget who did the halibut, but when he got a whole fish, I thought "Well, there you go. How lucky. Cook it whole, score it to make it easier to rip into and voila!" and yet we got tidy little fillets.

 

 

It was Amar, right? I was surprised he did that after being excited to get the only whole one the store had. But guessing it was due to how the 100 servings had to be plated. Didn't he only get one $600 fish? They couldn't put out one giant fish (or side of beef) -- they had to send out multiple platters for multiple tables. They'd need a fish for each platter. Across the board, it seems like they bought meats that were too expensive to put out in mass quantities. (If WF could even have supplied mass.)

 

Something like game hens could have been interesting, if WF had 100 of those lying around. Individual, but satisfying to rip apart by hand. 

[hendersonrocks]

Was I the only one who thought it was kind of funny when Phillip mentioned his "talk with the judges" last episode?

 

Funny-slash-delusional. As much as he annoys the ever living shit out of me, at this point I'm also oddly fascinated by how he makes his way through the world. 

[Constantinople]

So now they're taking pictures of the food?

 

It's Top Chef, not Top Food Photographer!

 

Worst Quickfire Ever!

 

What's next, they'll write up a recipe without actually cooking it and pick the winner on penmanship?

[Jesse]

That Quickfire was worth it just to hear Carl Dooley's explanation of his "vision." I can't believe he made it through the whole spiel without cracking up. 

 

This article shows the "traditional" Beefsteak, including a big fish that does just get ripped apart, FWIW. http://www.vice.com/read/beefsteak-2013

[susannot]

That article was great.  Top Chef did not capture the essence of the event, at all.

[In Pog Form]

SJW complaints about the correctness of the main challenge aside,

Wait, WTF?

[Totale]

The plates were posted without any names attached, just numbers, and when voting took place the chefs would not have known that there was going to be a Instagram challenge to be able to encourage fans to vote.

 

I'm unafraid to say I loathe all cool things and so have never seen an Instragram (or a tweet).  When did this Instagram faceoff take place, and were the dishes components described or just presented with something like "like the one that looks the best to you"?  I looked back into the spoiler thread and was surprised not to see any mention of it.

[Tess23]

Maybe it's because I've had a pretty horrible month with a family death and another family illness, but I savored every frivolous, escapist minute of this episode. That said, Padma is going from being annoying to downright obnoxious this season. She really needs to go away. The term 'too big for her britches' comes to mind.

 

I'm sorry, but any moron could figure out that Beefsteak means big hunks of beef--not sure why they threw in the fish requirement. How do you get all boss with fish?? Even chicken quarters drenched in sauce would have been better than some of the dainties that were produced--hey, I've been to Medievil Times. 

 

Did you notice how the other contestants seemed sincerely happy for Philip and his win? Except for Marjorie's side eye while she was clapping. Maybe the little stinker is getting an over the top bad edit, even though he really is a twerp. And his wife loves him, so good for him.

Edited January 29, 2016 by Tess23

[bluepiano]

Word.   i find Colin Hanks to be smug as fuck.  Also, the douche from the Simpsons with the Mad Hatter hat, was an even bigger douche.  I don't know why, it just makes me angry. 

 

Tom Hanks has always seemed like a decent guy, but man, he dropped the ball in the parenting department, between his smug, marginally talented son Colin, and his other son, who grew up fabulously wealthy and privileged but thinks he's a ghetto rapper. Maybe it's hard to raise kids with some perspective when you're that rich, but it has been done.

 

They sell plenty of beef of all types at Whole Food, so I don't think that was the issue. For whatever reason,  the contestants seemed to overthink it. Maybe they were afraid that if they just cooked a slab of beef, the judges would say it wasn't Top Chef enough. We've seen that in the past. But in this case, they were given instructions to do just that. If there was ever a TC episode where you could go with simple and basic, this was it.

Edited January 29, 2016 by bluepiano

[Rai]

Team Marjorie all the way.  When she was busting on Philip for his little meat, she was my hero. Also, bread and pickles are clearly such a perfect side combo for a beefsteak event, and she seemed to elevate them.  Also, also, I just love pickles, so there's that.

Edited January 29, 2016 by Rai

[ClareWalks]

This Beefsteak thing was the most hipster bougie bullshit I have ever seen. All the judges had such snooty opinions of what HAD to be at a Beefsteak and what could NEVER be at a Beefsteak, "I was going to Beefsteak before it was cool," blah blah blah. What a bunch of tools No wonder ManBun won, this too-cool-for-school garbage is right up his alley.

[In Pog Form]

This Beefsteak thing was the most hipster bougie bullshit I have ever seen.

Seems more upper-class yuppie asshole than hipster to me.

[ClareWalks]

Seems more upper-class yuppie asshole than hipster to me.

 

It was definitely whatever the rich version of hipsters are. It was basically the LA version of the Oberlin College student whose dad is a CEO, but the kid "hates capitalism" and has a mohawk until the weekend before Daddy picks them up for the summer. 

[Tara Ariano]

In case you missed it, here's the Previously.TV post on the episode!

 

Where's The Beef?
Seriously. What if you threw a party called a Beefsteak and no one made beef?

[ratgirlagogo]

 

Also, ffs...if it's big, messy hunks of dead animal you want, don't send the chefs to Whole Foods! Setting aside how costly Whole Foods is, it's a supermarket packaging and selling meat, produce, and products for home consumers.  The chefs were never going to get the kind of big huge products the judges were looking for.  If that's what Top Chef wanted, they should have laid out the expectations clearly, given the chefs the go ahead to get their proteins elsewhere (and the rest at good old Whole Foods), and let them go from there.

Even  "I'm now just fearlessly cooking exactly the food I want" Philip's lamb chops were prettified tomahawked lamb chops, not exactly caveman stuff.   This is the kind of thing where a serving of calf heads and pig's feet, ears and tails would have killed it.  Good luck finding anything of the kind at Whole Foods. Of course that's why so few of them went for beef - the beef available at WF clearly seemed to miss the mark.  I felt bad for all of the chefs.  Mr Rat kept expressing surprise that a chicken sausage that was 40% bacon would be dry - I was sort of surprised also.  Maybe he should have done a pork sausage with 40% bacon.

 

Full disclosure, I have been to the Beefsteak, and it is awesome fun. Everyone dresses up for a black-tie affair and gathers at a beautiful old meeting hall in downtown Los Angeles.

 

I love that the challenge was at St. Vibiana's, a place I've actually been to!

Hmmmm, me too.  I was confirmed there and went to many feast days and  services there, the Blessings of the Animals being my favorite of course.  And while it's beautiful it's not just an old meeting hall. My feelings here aren't really logical I do realize since I am a pagan ex- Catholic- but it bothers me that the former cathedral of the Archdiocese of Los Angeles (the largest archdiocese in the world BTW) has been given over to gross celebrity-studded events of this kind.

Edited January 30, 2016 by ratgirlagogo

[Bastet]

For the curious, this is the Vibiana website, and an L.A. Times article about Fraser's Redbird that gives a recap of the building's history.

[biakbiak]

I'm unafraid to say I loathe all cool things and so have never seen an Instragram (or a tweet).  When did this Instagram faceoff take place, and were the dishes components described or just presented with something like "like the one that looks the best to you"?  I looked back into the spoiler thread and was surprised not to see any mention of it.

It was posted on Bravotv's instagram at the end of May. There was a brief intro video by Padma and than pictures where they listed the ingredients of each dish. Here is how Amar's was posted at the time , they are all still there you just have to scroll through Bravotv instagram. A few of the chefs have reposted the photos of their dishes under their own names but that was done after the ep aired.

[leighdear]

I was just relieved that there were roasted carrots with a yogurt dipping sauce.  *whew*  I don't think we got any carrots last week, so I was afraid we wouldn't get any this week. 

 

Glad my fears were unjustified, and Top Carrot continues on as usual.  I know I'm not alone in this, as Tara pointed it out in the recap.  I'm glad she was as concerned as I was. 

Edited January 30, 2016 by leighdear

[MeloraH]

Hooboy, did it ever scorch my knickers to have Ron so close and not given camera time. I'm convicting Top Chef of Crimes against Television. More Funches!

 

Agreed! They really god my hopes up by giving him a prime spot right next to Padma.

[hilaryvm]

I wonder why two of the chefs chose fish.  I can't remember if the challenge said a meat and "fish" or "seafood" dish, but clearly the shrimp was within the parameters.  That makes me wonder why one of the contestants didn't do something like crab, where you could really rip into it.  Fish seems like such a hard thing to eat without utensils of any kind.