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The Simpsons

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Moe: I'm more of a well wisher in that I don't wish you any specific harm.

 

Bart: So I says to Mabel I says...

 

Homer: But how did you find me?

Marge: Well I was sure you'd be on foot because you always say that public transportation is for losers. And I was sure you'd be headed west because Springfield slopes down that way. And then I saw the lighthouse and remembered how much you love blinking lights. Like the one on the waffle iron.

Homer: Or that little guy on the do not walk sign.

 

Homer: When I'm kicking you that means hurry up.

 

Homer: In your face space coyote!

Marge (under her breath): Space Coyote?

 

Homer: Don't laugh at me! I was once like you!

 

Bart: Dad you look classy. You could be Abe Lincoln's Father's boss.

Homer: Can you see the pie stain?

Lisa: It'll be dark.

 

Maude: She's murdered her brother!

Lenny: And she's trying to dump the body in the harbor!

Otto: Well duh.

 

Homer: Gee, I would love to want to help you Flanders, but Marge was....taken prisoner...in the Holy Land and uh... 

 

Homer: Oh I'm sure I would be a third wheel.

Ned: Oh no siree, we'd be happy as hens to have you.

Homer: I would make it my business to be a third wheel. 

 

Ned: And if you really tick me off I'm gonna run ya down with my car.

Homer: Ned, you so crazy.

 

Mr. Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.

Homer's Brain: Why is Mr. Burn's being so nice to me?

Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Homer's Brain: Wait a minute, is he coming onto me?

Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket what's the harm?

Homer's Brain: Oh my god he is coming onto me.

Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows *Winks*

Homer's Brain: Ahhh!!!

 

Flanders: I need to know, is God punishing me?

Revrend Lovejoy: Oh short answer yes with an 'If' long answer no with a 'but'.  

Edited by Iboatedhere
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Since I'm watching "Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming"...

 

Col. Hapablap: Hell, not the Wright brother's plane! The Smithsonian's gonna have my ass on a platter.

 

Lisa: Mom, I found Sideshow Bob's hideout and I got a secret message to the police and I had a blimp fall on me and I was in an atomic blast but, I'm okay now.

Homer: Well, I wrecked the gate but you don't hear me bragging.

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It sometimes freaks me out that I haven't watched this show on a regular basis in like... maybe 15 years and I still can come up with a relevant quote for an actual situation on a daily basis.

 

"Ah beer, my one weakness.  My Achilles' heel, if you will."

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Sunday 9/14: (all times are EDT) Lisa's Crush's Block!

4pm : Lisa's Substitute - Lisa develops a crush on her substitute teacher, Mr. Bergstrom. Bergstrom tells Homer he must learn to act as a positive role model for his daughter.

4:30pm: I Love Lisa - Lisa feels pity for Ralph, a nerdy classmate, and gives him a card on Valentine's Day. But to her horror, Ralph develops a crush on her.

5pm: Lisa's Date with Density - Lisa develops a crush on bully Nelson Muntz. Homer uses an automatic telephone dialer for an electronic panhandling scheme.

5:30pm: Dude, Where's My Ranch? - While vacationing at a dude ranch, Lisa falls for a cute 13-year-old cowboy; Homer vows to stop beavers who've dammed a river and kept Native Americans from their land.

6pm: Homer Scissorhands - Homer discovers a talent for cutting women's hair; Lisa becomes puzzled when a pretty girl at school shows an interest in Milhouse.

6:30pm: The Daughter Also Rises - As Valentine's Day approaches, Marge grows concerned when Lisa finds a boyfriend; Bart and Milhouse set out on a "mythbusting" mission at Springfield Elementary.

7pm: What Animated Women Want - In an episode that focuses on the choices people make and their outcomes, Homer attempts to save his marriage; Milhouse woos Lisa.

7:30pm: Adventures in Baby-Getting - Marge decides she wants to conceive another child; Bart realizes Lisa is up to something mysterious and vows to find out what it is.

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Well where to start! Honestly I've missed quite a few episodes of the past few seasons but for me the worst episode was the one in which they killed off Maude Flanders. So pointless and unnecessary and, as I later found out, so spiteful. And it wasn't even funny.

Yea it was downright sick imo. Can't rewatch that one at all.

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One of my favorite eps was the X-Files parody one, the Springfield Files. Seeing David and Gillian parody their characters made me laugh and Mr. Burns was priceless in it.

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My DVR died expectantly and I lost it.

 

If we were watching you when you realized it, would we have been able to pinpoint the second when your heart rips in half?

 

Since I Love Lisa has so many classic moments, I always forget that one of my favorite songs is in it " We are the mediocre presidents!"

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Thought I'd start a thread for the most heartwarming and/or bittersweet moments of the series.

 

First and foremost among them is the end of "Mother Simpson" when Homer sits on his car and looks up at the stars.

 

And of course the whole ending of "Lisa's Substitute" from Mr. Bergstroms' final message ("You are Lisa Simpson") to Homer being on the biggest roll of his life in parenting.

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Some of my favorite Simpsons moments are the sweet ones. I especially love Lisa/Homer moments.

 

Lisa The Beauty Queen- "You're looking at her through a father's eyes." "Well if I could gouge out somebody else's eyes and shove them in my sockets I would but to me she's beautiful!"

 

Lisa The Vegetarian- Homer giving Lisa a veggie back ride.

 

Lisa's Wedding- This whole exchange:

"Little Lisa. Lisa Simpson. I always felt you were the best thing my name ever got attached to. Since you learned to pin your own diapers, you've been smarter than me."
"Oh, Dad."
"No, no. Let me finish. I want you to know I've always been proud of you. You're my greatest accomplishment, and you did it all yourself. You helped me understand my own wife better and taught me to be a better person. But you're also my daughter. I don't think anybody could've had a better daughter.."

"Dad, you're babbling."
"See? You're still helping me."
Lisa sees the cufflinks. "Hey, Dad, did you forget to give those cuff links to Hugh?"

"No."

"Well?"

"I found them on the nightstand. I guess they weren't his cup of tea. Don't worry."
"But you've been going on about these all week."
"I'm sure he just forgot."

Those damn cufflinks and how quiet Home is when he explains where he found them. Ugh. And the end when Lisa is enthusiastically listening to Homer as he tells her about the fudge and riding the teacups.

 

HOMR- Homer's letter to Lisa before he gets the crayon back in his brain.

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I don't think it wasn't meant to be at the time but now it totally makes me cry.  After Selma decides to leave Troy and she say "I'll always remember you but not from your films."

 

 

First and foremost among them is the end of "Mother Simpson" when Homer sits on his car and looks up at the stars.

That gets to me every time.  Its just such a beautiful moment.

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Homer: We're always buying vaccines for Maggie for diseases she doesn't even have.

Homer: Even when you yell at me I can see love in your eyes.

Marge: Stick to the subject.

Homer: Ha ha you love me.

Homer: Maybe I should just cut my losses and start fresh with Maggie.

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Do it for her

That one gets me everytime. Especially now that I have daughters and we are a single income household and my job is sometimes shitty.

 

A couple others are Dancin' Homer just the way it is framed with Homer telling the story of one of his greatest failures.

 

Another big one for me is Moaning Lisa. It just amazes me that in 1990 an animated show in its first season would do an episode about an 8 year old girl suffering from depression. I mean her blues song ends with "I'm the saddest kid in grade #2". I am not sure any other half hour comedy show at the time (or even now) would dare touch a subject like that. And even if they did I doubt they would do it as well.

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Even though I always laugh when Homer is mean to Flanders, I get legitimately teary-eyed at the end of When Flanders Failed.  It's nice to see that even Homer can do something good for Flanders. 

 

And even though it makes her look like a jerk, I always wince in sympathetic pain when Lisa breaks Ralph's heart - I mean, who hasn't been rejected by someone they really, really liked?

 

And this quote from Homer to Moe always makes me smile: "Moe, this is a great thing for you. You went from sitting on the sidelines to getting in the game! Sometime, when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you. And that means that someone can love you again! And that'll make you smile."

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♫♫New Orleeeans...

Home of pirates, drunks, and whores!

New Orleeeans...

Tacky, overpriced, souvenir stores!

If you want to go to Hell, you should make that trip

to the Sodom and Gomorrah on the Mississipp'!

New Orleeeans...

Stinking, rotten, vomiting, vile!

New Orleaaans...

Putrid, brackish, maggoty, foul!

New Orleeeans...

Crummy, lousy, rancid, and rank!

New Orleeeans!♫♫

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And this quote from Homer to Moe always makes me smile: "Moe, this is a great thing for you. You went from sitting on the sidelines to getting in the game! Sometime, when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you. And that means that someone can love you again! And that'll make you smile."And this quote from Homer to Moe always makes me smile: "Moe, this is a great thing for you. You went from sitting on the sidelines to getting in the game! Sometime, when you least expect it, you'll realize that someone loved you. And that means that someone can love you again! And that'll make you smile."

 

That was a great moment for Homer.

 

Another Homer/Lisa moment I liked was at the end of "Make Room for Lisa" when Lisa and Homer go to this spiritual lady to de-stress Lisa (because of her frustrations with Homer) and she has that dream where she's in Homer's body and it makes her realize that for all his faults and their differences, Homer does try to make her happy, and she ought to cut him some slack because he is the way he is -- I really wish Marge would realize that these days -- and to cut him some slack, she suggests they leave the story and do something they "would both enjoy" and go to the monster truck rally. 

Edited by Spartan Girl
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If I remember my commentaries, they really did.  They were Brazil before Brazil was.  But honesty, they should be proud.  That is one of the greatest Simpsons episodes ever.

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"Do it for her," "we'll really miss you Mrs. K," Homer on his car, Flanders and Nelson missing Edna's laugh ... I tear up for every one of those.  And as for Mr. Bergstrom, I actually embroidered his note to Lisa, and have it hanging on the wall.

 

I like it on those rare occasions when Bart and Lisa do something nice for each other -- Bart and Michael Jackson writing the birthday song, Lisa buying Bart's soul, the flashbacks during their final hockey confrontation, and so on.

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Homer: Marge, I'm confused. Is this a happy ending or a sad ending?

Marge: It's an ending. That's enough.

 

Mr. Burns jumps into the escape pod.

Smithers: For the love of God sir, there are two seats!

Mr. Burns: I like to put my feet up.

 

Marge: Homer please. These boys sound very nice but they're clearly nerds. 

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I wish I had known about the Bowl shows earlier, I totally would have flown out to LA! It looks like so much fun and I love that they still honor Phil Hartman's amazing work on the show.

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Its been a while since I've seen Lisa's Substitute and I had totally forgotten that he reads the scene from Charlotte's Web when Charlotte dies.   Curse you Jon Vitti!

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Drederick Tatum: "I like Homer Simpson, I got nothin' against him, but I'm definitely going to make orphans of his children."

Reporter: "Uh, they do have a mother, champ."

Tatum: "I suspect she'll die of grief."

and:

Moe: "I'm not going to lie to you Homer, you definitely have a shot to beat Tatum, but you have to visualize it happening."

Homer's Brain: "And a congenital heart defect has felled the champ moments before he was to enter the ring."

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Drederick Tatum: "I like Homer Simpson, I got nothin' against him, but I'm definitely going to make orphans of his children."

Reporter: "Uh, they do have a mother, champ."

Tatum: "I suspect she'll die of grief."

"Thank you, thank you. But the champ has no time for further queries. This parole hearing is over."

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Homer: A mountain of sugar is too much for one man. It's clear now why god portions it out in those tiny packets. And why he lives on a plantation in Hawaii.

 

Lisa: Mom, no. Everyone at school picks on the Popli kids. Even I do. I just hate them so much.

 

Flanders: You have our deepest condol-diddly-olences. I'm sorry. I'm just nervous. I didn't mean any disrespect.

Marge: What are you talking about?

Flanders: You know. Homer's passing. Away. Into death.

 

Marge: I shouldn't have served those North Korean fortune cookies. They were so insulting. 'You Are A Coward.' No one wants to hear that after a nice meal.

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Lisa is my favorite character (awesome little feminist AND she cracks me up), so I have to throw in a couple of my favorite lines of hers (which mostly are funny to me because of the line reading):

 

Space Commander: Now, little girl, there's only room for one parent, so you have a hard ---

Lisa: Mom.

 

Lisa: *sighs* Yes, I'm going to marry a carrot.

 

Lisa: I know this obsession with thinness is unhealthy and anti-feminist...wait, that's what a fat girl would say!

 

Lisa: She'll have the wisdom of Gertrude Stein and the wit of Cathy Guisewite, the tenacity of Nina Totenberg, and the common sense of Elizabeth Cady Stanton! And to top it off, the down-to-earth good looks of Eleanor Roosevelt.

 

Lisa: Who wants a nice bowl of gazpacho?!

 

Marge: What's wrong Lisa?  Is a book character having difficulties?

 

I'm sure there's a million more, but those are the ones I can think of right now.

 

Oooh - and the Ralph one I use consistently: "Oh boy sleep!  That's where I'm a viking!"

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Speaking of Lisa and feminism...

 

Lisa: Mom, your choice to go back to blue is so empowering.
Marge: But you said going from blue to gray was empowering.
Lisa: Well, as a feminist, virtually anything a woman does is empowering.

 

And some other quotes from the same episode:

 

Dr. Kissing-Her: If you're watching this alone, your love life is like Sister Act 3-- no Whoopi!

Moe: I knew my love life was like that movie somehow.

 

Homer: Oh, Marge, don't worry. A lot of movie stars have gray hair, like all those women we loved in the '80s.
Marge: Homie, you always mean to say the nicest things.
Homer: Well, it's not easy with you talking all the time.

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