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David T. Cole

Quotes: I Have Misplaced My Pants

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Homer: Hey, kids! Want to drive through that cactus patch?

Bart: Yeah!

Lisa: Yeah!

Sideshow Bob: [underneath car] No!

Homer: Well, two against one!

I missed that episode during the marathon. It is one of my very favorites.

 

It had some of the best sight gags of the entire series including "Where's the dog?" "I tied him up out back."

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Das Bus which was on this morning had a couple of the all time classics:

 

We'll live like kings! Damn hell ass kings!   They taste like... burning  and....

 

Bart Simpson: And every night the monkey butlers will regale us with jungle stories.

Nelson: How many monkey butlers will there be?

Bart Simpson: One at first, but he'll train others.

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Is it weird that I've been jotting down quotes on my phone so I remember to post them? If it is I definitely haven't been doing it. I was just asking....

 

Marge: Don't worry kids, I'm sure your father is alright.

Lisa: What are you basing that on, mom?

Marge: ...who wants ginger snaps?

 

Bart's Comet is about to hit-

Homer: It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.

Reverend Lovejoy running down the street: It's all over people! We don't have a prayer!  

 

Santa's Little Helper runs along with Bush Sr.-

Homer: I guess you might say he's barking up the wrong bush.

Homer's Brain: There it is Homer. The cleverest thing you'll ever say and nobody heard it.

Homer: D'oh!

 

Marge: President Bush is driving on our lawn. He must be lost.

 

Santa's Little Helper has the cone of shame on him-

Grandpa: Hey, the lamps running away.

Bart: That's my dog, man.

Grandpa: So long, lamp.

 

Lisa: Mom, is dad gonna kill us?

Marge: We're just gonna have to wait and see.

 

Lisa: Dad, how would you like to be sold to an ivory dealer?

Homer: I'd like it fine.

Bart: Even if he killed you and made your teeth into piano keys?

Homer: Yes, of course I would. Who wouldn't like that? To be part of the music scene.

 

Homer: Marge...is Lisa at Camp Granada?

 

Mr. Burns: I don't like being outside, Smithers. For one thing there are too many fat children.

 

Mayor Quimby: Can't we have one meeting that doesn't end with us digging up a corpse?

 

George Washington's Ghost: We had quitters in the revolution too. We called them Kentuckians.

 

More to come. I have over 60 episodes to get through on my DVR.

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Homer: It's just a little slimy; it's still good, it's still good! (I usually say a version of this whenever I drop something.)

 

 

Kid's you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is never try.

 

I had a Simpsons' insulated mug with that quote (and a couple of others) on it! I always tried to have that one facing out.

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Lisa: Dad, how would you like to be sold to an ivory dealer?

Homer: I'd like it fine.

Bart: Even if he killed you and made your teeth into piano keys?

Homer: Yes, of course I would. Who wouldn't like that? To be part of the music scene.

Ah, Bart Gets An Elephant. My favorite 'D'oh!' of all time:

[Homer hits a deer statue] "D'oh!"

Lisa: "A Deer!"

Marge: "A female deer!"

Edited by AimingforYoko
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Mayor Quimby: Can't this town go one day without a riot?!?

 

Mayor Quimby: Demand? Who are you to demand anything? I run this town! You're just a bunch of low income nobodies!

Aide: Uh, election in November, election in November!

Mayor Quimby: What?? Again?!? This stupid country.

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Homer to Marge, when Bart slips the sheet music to "In-a-Gadda-da-Vida" into the church organist's stack: "Remember when we used to make out to this hymn?"

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Treehouse of horror, Mr Burns wearing a brain & brain stem: "Look at me, I'm Davey Crockett!"

Homer: "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos". ( I being this one out after elections)

Troy McClure: "I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as..." I use this one all of the time.

Homer to big sandwich that made him sick: "how can I stay mad at you?"

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Since it was just on

 

Lisa: "If I don't make it out alive, I love you mom and dad.  Maggie you can have my books.  And Bart, I'll see you in Hell you booger eating wuss!  That's right we all know!"

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Grandpa: So long, lamp.

Hee! That one still makes me laugh. I used that line on my own dog once.  At least I thought it was funny.

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Lisa: How'd you get that gash on your forehead?

Hugh; Oh that was when we hid in the dumpster after the fire alarm when off in the pornographic magazine warehouse.

 

Bart: I met a really nice exotic dancer at Hugh's bachelor party.

Lisa: Huge didn't have a bachelor party.

Bart: We had one in his honor. I had one in his honor. I went to a strip club.

 

Homer: Little Lisa. Lisa Simpson. You know I always felt you were the best thing my name ever got attached to. ( I love Homer/Lisa scenes)

 

Frank Grimes: I live in a single room apartment above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley.

 

Marge: Homer, why aren't you at work?

Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today. I am at work.

Marge: You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there aren't you?

Homer: That's crazy talk. You're crazy Marge. Get off the road. *Honk Honk*

 

Bart: Millhouse how could you let this happen. You were supposed to be the night watchman.

Milhouse: I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it stated falling over. Then it fell over.

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Frank Grimes: I live in a single room apartment above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley.

 

Heh. That's such a great line.

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The marathon has run all the episodes together in my head so I can't remember the title but it's the one where Homer and Marge are having sex in public and Homer ends up dangling naked from a hot air balloon and dragged across a crystal cathedral.

Now, let us thank the Lord for this magnificent crystal cathedral which allows us to look out upon His wondrous creation. [sQUEEEEEEEAK] Now quickly! Gaze down at God's fabulous parquet floor! Eyes on the floor... still on the floor... always on God's floor...

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"Of course, we don't keep the cannon loaded. It's just commonsense." The not-quite-sarcastic sarcasm in the delivery makes it beyond hilarious.
 
And how could I forget Skinner's "Up yours, children!" when he's leaving town after the other Skinner arrives. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't used it more than once.

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So as we move through the seasons I barely remember and get to the more recent ones I saw the episode where Marge got amnesia and wasn't sure why she ever liked Homer.  I appreciate that the show did the hacky amnesia story. It's okay with me if they occasionally use the format of the show itself to satirize something. I'm not so fond of another Marge shouldn't love Homer story, but that's a whole other topic.

 

I did really like the end of the episode. First, Homer chews out a guy for walking out on a cup of coffee with Marge, and then he lists off a bunch of stuff that is awesome about her.  Then as Homer and Marge drive away together there is this exchange:

Marge: You drink?

Homer: Well... just since you got amnesia. I discovered this thing. It's called beer...

Marge: [Pling! Which is the sound of amnesia going away.] I remember everything! You get drunk all the time!

Homer: [slightly concerned] Do you also remember that you're an enabler?

Marge: Of course I do! That's why we make such a good team!

 

The whole thing was so silly, especially as they made the recovery from amnesia so supremely hacky (Pling! Everything is okay!}, but also kind of sweet.

 

And the episode also ended with Marge and Homer talking over the credits, with Homer asking Marge if she remembered any of the names and then some banter about some specific people. I always enjoy that stuff.  The best one for me was Homer announcing the cuts after the Joe Namath episode.  "You're cut too shushy!"

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I used to be with it, but then they changed what *it* was. Now what I'm with isn't *it*, and what's *it* seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you...

 

We got a little rule back home: if it's brown, drink it down; if it's black, send it back.

 

Why do you need new bands? Everyone knows rock attained perfection in 1974. It's a scientific fact

Edited by BatmanBeatles
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President Scwarzeneggar: "Look at those angry eyes & giant teeth. It's like Christmas at the Kennedy compound."

Mr Burns: "Musicians, stop your infernal tootling."

Mr Burns: "catsup...ketchup. Catsup...ketchup."

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Ned on the phone to Reverend Lovejoy: I think I'm coveting my own wife....I'm meek, but I could be meeker...I think I swallowed a toothpick!

 

Homer: Come on kids, lets go home.

Bart: We are home.

Homer: That was fast.

 

Homer: My car? Milhouse? Nut meat?!

 

God: Don't tell me about family suffering. My son went down to Earth once....I don't know what you people did to him but he hasn't been the same since. *cut to Jesus sitting sadly on the swings*

 

Marge: I wouldn't get too into that Catholic church. With all that sitting and standing and kneeling. It's like Simon Says without a winner.

 

A waitress calls Reverend Lovejoy a bad tipper.  

Reverend Lovejoy whispers to the group: Her husband is sleeping with her sister. *outloud* Who said that?

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Cop: "time for a cavity search."

Mr Burns: "oh ho ho, I haven't had a cavity in over 40 years."

Cop: "I wasn't talking about your teeth."

Mr. Burn: "nor was I."

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Lisa: I don't understand how one convicted felon could get so many votes and yet another convicted felon get so few.

 

Bart: I can't believe that for once, Dad's butt PREVENTED a toxic explosion of gas!

 

 

 

 

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Mr Burns' social security number: "naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, naught, two".

"Damn Roosevelt.  Cause of parent's death?  Got in my way."

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I love to utter Homer's 'Stupid lack of public urinals!' to express general annoyance with the world, although as a girl it often earns me some odd looks.

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Moe: Business is slow. People today are healthier and drinking less. You know, if it wasn't for the junior high school next door, no one would even use the cigarette machine.

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Marge: Isn't this fun, Lisa?

Lisa: It must be exciting to make a whole different set of beds.

Marge: I know you're joking, but it is!

 

To me this is the mother of all quotes:

 

Marge Simpson: Ned! We meant well, and everyone here tried their best...

Ned Flanders: Well, my family and I can't live in good intentions, Marge! Oh, your family's out of control, but we can't blame you, because you have 'GOOD INTENTIONS!'

Bart Simpson: Hey, back off, man!

Ned Flanders: Oooh, okay DUDE. Don't want you to have a cow, MAN. Here's a catchphrase you'd better learn for your adult years: "Hey buddy, got a QUARTER?"

Bart Simpson: I am shocked and appalled.

Lisa: Mr. Flanders, with all due respect, Bart didn't do anything.

Ned Flanders: Is that the sound of butting in? It's gotta be little Lisa Simpson: Springfield's answer to the question no one asked!

Chief Wiggum: Ha, haha.

Ned Flanders: Oh, what do we have here? The long, flabby arm of the law? The last case you got to the bottom of, was a case of mallomars!

Krusty: Ha, mallomars, oh, that's going in the act.

Ned Flanders: Oh yeah, the clown. The only one of you buffoons who doesn't make me laugh. And as for you, I don't know you, but I'm sure you're a jerk!

Lenny: Hey, I've only been here for a few minutes, what's going on?

Ned Flanders: You ugly, hate-filled man!

Moe: Hey, hey! I may ugly and hate-filled, but I... uh... what was the third thing you said?

Ned Flanders: Homer, you are the worst human being I have ever met.

Homer: Hey, I got off pretty easy!

Edited by BatmanBeatles
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From one of the Treehouse of Horror episodes.  An infected Helen Lovejoy jumps onto the armored van.  Apu hands Marge a gun to shoot her.

 

Marge: "I can't shoot her, she's Lisa's godmother."

Apu: "You can apologize in hell."

Marge: "I guess I can."

 

Just Marge's "I guess I can" makes me chuckle every time.

Edited by CyberJawa1986
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Bart: There is no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson.

 

Milhouse: When are they going to get to the fireworks factory?

 

Marge: I don't want to leave Springfield. I've dug myself into a happy little rut here and I'm not about to hoist myself out of it.

Homer: Just bring the rut with ya.

 

Hank Scorpio: Homer, on your way out if you want to kill somebody it would help me a lot. (I love Hank Scorpio.)

 

Marge hugs Bart.

Bart: Mom! You can hug me when I'm asleep.

Marge: I do.

Bart: Ahhhh!

 

Homer: What's your problem, Veggie? You don't even eat lobster?

Lisa: No but I enjoy the smell. 

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"Hollywood may be run by big corporations trying to squash people, but they make movies about people standing up to big corporations trying to squash them... and winning."

 

I liked the internet piracy episode. The satire was particularly sharp.

 

Carl: "All we want is brand new, big-budget entertainment in our homes for nothing. Why doesn't Hollywood get that?"

 

And it also had some good Simpson character stuff in it as well like “It’s not even the worst kind of pirate Dad’s ever been.”

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Homer: Is he still out there?

Marge: Yes, and he's raking leaves.

Homer: What! That's your job. If he starts doing Lisa's wood chopping...

Lisa(after eating Apu's spicy cooking): I can see through time.

Homer: He lied to us through song.

Homer: I've learned that life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead.

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Daybreak, Jakarta. The proud men and women of the Navy are fighting for freedom. But you're in Lubbock Texas, hosing stains off a monument. You're in the Naval Reserve: America's 17th line of defense, between the Mississippi National Guard and the League of Women Voters. After basic training, you only have to work one weekend a month and most of that time you're drunk of your ass.

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Homer: The evening began at the gentleman's club where we were discussing Wittgenstein over a game of backgammon.

Scully: Mr. Simpson it's a felony to lie to the FBI.

Homer: We were sitting in Barney's car eating packets of mustard. Ya happy?

 

Homer: I'm like the man who single-handedly built the rocket and landed on the moon. What was his name? Apollo Creed?

 

Critic: The only bad review you gave was to a slice of pizza you found under the couch.

Homer: It lost some points because it had a HotWheel on it.  

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Grandpa: The government don't control the sky. What if you lived in a balloon? 

Lisa: That's it!

Bart: You hear that mom, she's as dumb as me!

 

Lenny: hey, did you hear something.

Carl: No.

Lenny: Hmm. Did I?

Carl: I don't know.

 

Homer: The winner will be showered with praise. The loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore.

 

Marge: And then they gave me back my 500 dollar investment and kicked me out of the club.

Homer: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Back up a bit now. When are the pancakes coming in the mail?

 

Bart: thousands and thousands of people saw your pretzels injuring Whitey Ford.

Homer:You could call them Whitey Whackers.

 

Marge: Listen to your mother, kids. Aim low. Aim so low no one will even care if you succeed. Dinner's in the oven if you want some butter it's under my face.

Edited by Iboatedhere
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Homer:   Beer is the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems.

 

Homer:   Why don't you play your guitar anymore Bart?

Bart:       I wasn't good at it right a way so I stopped playing it. Are you mad?

Homer:  No son, you've learned a valuable lesson. If something's hard to do, its not worth doing.

 

 

 

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