S04.E06: Love Bites

[OnceSane]

Lisa throws two huge parties for Gay Pride. Meanwhile, dramas sizzle when James arrives with fresh love bites; a makeover for Shay begins; Scheana focuses on her marriage; and Jax sees an opportunity to move in on Lala.

[Ubiquitous]

I couldn't help but laugh at successful entrepreneur Lisa Vanderbucks announcing it's time for their annual half-assed attempt at pandering for gay pride. How are they going to top last year's effort, a flatbed trailer with pink feather boas stapled to it?

Why is Lala being all flirty with DJ Muppet Baby after what happened in the previous ep (last night?)? You know what, I don't care about what happenes to her now. Muppet Baby is related to George Michaels? What happened to his side of that family tree?

[Silo]

Why is Lala being all flirty with DJ Muppet Baby after what happened in the previous ep (last night?)? You know what, I don't care about what happenes to her now. Muppet Baby is related to George Michaels? What happened to his side of that family tree?

After that first look, I don't think she's playing the cool girl anymore. I think she's just not all that into him. I think she likes him a little more than a friend and if he's way into her and it gives her screen time, then she thinks all the better for her. In other words, she's halfway using him.

[hoodooznoodooz]

Loved LaLa saying (paraphrasing), "If he would just shut the fuck up, I might actually warm up to him."

George Michael is his godfather?

[Ubiquitous]

And his father's cousin.

[OnceSane]

I can't believe one of these chucklefucks have a smidge of cred thanks to being related to George Michael. Has the world gone mad? And why haven't I flown to LA to meet the Muppet and force him to introduce me to my favorite part of WHAM!?

[bblancobrnx]

Hey, anyone who has any relation (even non blood) to a REAL celebrity simply cannot be a narcissistic, psychopathic, sociopathic, douche nozzle, twat waffle, chucklefuck

[Ubiquitous]

After that first look, I don't think she's playing the cool girl anymore. I think she's just not all that into him. I think she likes him a little more than a friend and if he's way into her and it gives her screen time, then she thinks all the better for her. In other words, she's halfway using him.

we all know how well that works and never backfires on the person doing it, ha ha.

[ScoobieDoobs]

OK, am I alone here -- some shots of James, he looks exceptionally beautiful -- and then I see the dumbo ears & the twig arms & go BLECH,  Lala is a moron.

[HouseofBeck]

OK, am I alone here -- some shots of James, he looks exceptionally beautiful -- and then I see the dumbo ears & the twig arms & go BLECH,  Lala is a moron.

I can see it. Also when he smiles, if you didn't know he was...himself...I can acknowledge the charm and charisma. Damn him.

Can't remember...people, at least Lisa, warned Lala against Jax. Did anyone warn her about James, or had he not been as openly a douchebag yet?

[The Mighty Peanut]

Not that we've seen, but who knows? I think the show has been trying to paint him (until now) as Kristen's unwitting victim, but when he was at dinner with the guys they all seemed to be used to shitfaced James not letting anyone else get a word in and talking about sluts.

[KungFuBunny]

Not that we've seen, but who knows? I think the show has been trying to paint him (until now) as Kristen's unwitting victim, but when he was at dinner with the guys they all seemed to be used to shitfaced James not letting anyone else get a word in and talking about sluts.

 

He's way too hyped up to be on just alcohol. I'm thinking coke or meth.

 

I don't know when I saw it but I saw a clip where James in a TH shot says When I call Lala a slut it means come over here and sit on my face. Blech.....

 

For some reason, he reminds me of Ichabod Crane

[jaync]

Meanwhile, dramas sizzle when James arrives with fresh love bites;

I could be way off, but it seemed like Andy might've hinted on WWHL that the bites were from a dude.

[The Mighty Peanut]

He's way too hyped up to be on just alcohol. I'm thinking coke or meth.

I don't know when I saw it but I saw a clip where James in a TH shot says When I call Lala a slut it means come over here and sit on my face. Blech.....

For some reason, he reminds me of Ichabod Crane

It was alluded to on a podcast last year that he was into mixing fireball and adderoll, so your instincts are on point. Maybe he reminds you of Ichabod Crane because he apparently likes to give head (which I am in favor of but it's James so ew).

Edited December 8, 2015 by The Mighty Peanut

[EverybodyIsACritic]

"Afro Brazilian Dance Fighting" is a thing.

"Drunk gay guys tip really well"

Tom Sandoval, could he be the newest Dos Equis man?

[ivygirl]

Usually, Arianna's Grumpy Cat facial tic bugs. However, the look she was giving as Lala and Jax walked off together was all kinds of wonderful.

These people sure are messy, aren't they!

[Ubiquitous]

Oh, crap! FI and Shwartzie Tom went to the same  university as I?

 

He's way too hyped up to be on just alcohol. I'm thinking coke or meth.

Speaking of which, what was Jax on at the lame Pride festivities?

 

I could be way off, but it seemed like Andy might've hinted on WWHL that the bites were from a dude.

Didn't someone else say that tonight? Gawd, I hope it wasn't Ken Vanderbucks, who was gossiping to his wife to divert suspicion!

 

OK, I was bored and my attention wandered when it became apparent LaLa was NOT going to be OK with DJ Muppet Baby's bite marks. Oh crap, is THAT why he wears those terrible tank tops?

 

ETA: Spelling.

Edited December 8, 2015 by Ubiquitous

[BogoGog24]

I like how James said something like "How am I supposed to cover these up?" or "I don't want her to see these" and he's wearing a fucking tank top. Gee I don't know James, maybe wear a shirt?

Lala thinking Jax is "real." Yeah he's a real step up from James. LOL not!

That Lauren girl is a real bitch. She acts all fake and lovey dovey to Lala's face knowing she fucked James. That poor Anthony guy.

WTF is wrong with Scheaner? I gave her the benefit of the doubt at first when she made that comment about not being able to be with someone sober but she has made that comment twice now. And she thinks it's alright to bring him to a bar for a big event that basically is all about drinking? Why did she need to bring Ariana with her to get her license redone? Who smiles for a driver's license? Aghhhhh!!!!!! As Kristen would say "I can't even."

I didn't think it was possible for anyone to be worse than Jax but there is. I think James might really be worse.

[mjstrick]

I thought it was impossible to be worse than he was last week. Damn, James is a grade A dickbag. I know some of y'all think he's kind of hot at times, but every time I see him all I can do is sing, "Pretty Fly for a White Guy". The world loves wannabes. ..if you don't rate just over compensate jamesers. Jackass.

Edited December 8, 2015 by mjstrick

[HunterHunted]

"Afro Brazilian Dance Fighting" is a thing.

It is. It's capoeira.

This episode kinda made me hate myself. I know these chucklefucks so well that I knew Jax was wasted before Arianna said anything and before Jax even uttered a word. I shouldn't know Bullverine's body language so well that I could immediately pick that up, but I do.

I feel like James is the Kristen of this season - the self destructive asshole engine who drives the whole season forward. At least with Kristen there was real feelings motivating her crazy. James is just a sociopath. He's a monster nourished by likes and retweets. He doesn't authentically do anything for his own pleasure.

[jaync]

Dayum, where have Lauren and Anthony been hiding?

[EverybodyIsACritic]

Dayum, where have Lauren and Anthony been hiding?

Maybe they are the Sur farm team?

[JenE4]

Well, I knew that other hostess was going to be the one who slept with James the way the camera kept showing her skulking in the background every time Lala was shrieking on about who the girl was. And when they showed Anthony's name as "Lauren's Ex" as if we were supposed to know who the fuck Lauren was and then Lala later called her Lauren, yep, nailed it. But why would Lala's "friend" go hugging her and tell her not to worry about it? She could have just said, "Lala, James and I both followed exactly what you said: you don't want a relationship and sleeping with other people is all good." And that was just awkward when Lala and Kristin were together in the alley (who the hell was working? EVERYONE was in the alley!) and Lala took the role of "scorned woman" over Kristin. Honey, sit down. You didn't earn that right to feel betrayed. Kristin wasn't even upset. She was laughing until she realized that, oh, yeah, I'm supposed to pretend to be hurt by James, too. And within 3 seconds Lala is now dating Jax. Okay, maybe a couple more seconds than that because she first had to get Anthony and Lauren fighting. It was hilarious how Lala was all, oh, no, if I can't hide from the cameras, you can't, either, and they're just like "door slam" which roughly translates to "Bitch, we don't get paid to air our dirty laundry on tv; we legitimately work here for cash tips."

Almost forgot: If Jax had 5 days to live, he'd murder his enemies...and already has the hit list ready. And, you guys, he BROUGHT UP this topic. It wasn't like Scheana asked and he jokingly said ha-ha, I wouldn't leave James to get Lala. (Well, that didn't sound funny either, but you know what I mean.) He watched this show, decided what he would do with his 5 days, and then decided to make it a topic of conversation. And not only that, but when Scheana gave the typical travel to Paris and Egypt, what are you stupid, Scheana, you'd spend two days traveling; the only viable response is to murder your mortal enemies! Wow. In case we didn't already think Jax was a psychopath, there you go!

[jojomano]

Jax was all kinds of coked up!

[starrynola]

Is Kevin James a low rent Bobby Trendy or vice versa?

[MitaJo]

Yeah, why do we have to suffer with Jax when you have ANTHONY behind the bar?? He's so cute!

 

Lauren, girl, you are horrible. Fake ass bitches, all of them.

 

Kristen, you don't work there anymore, sweetie. I mean, I guess they're paying you to be on this show so you have to be around, but have some pride.

 

I don't see it with James at all. I don't find him to be attractive in any way, shape or form. He reminds me of a stupid little boy who just had sex and can't wait to tell everyone. That stupid, smug look he gets on his face. Eh, I can't stand him.

 

La La, ma'am! Sleeping with Jax is not getting revenge on ANYONE! What in the world?? Have you seen Anthony? That's how you get revenge on a bitch.

Edited December 8, 2015 by MitaJo

[ScoobieDoobs]

Damn, Jax -- he looked like one of those drugged-out party-circuit roid queens.  I'd luv for James to say to him, "Get out of my way, you sweaty, bloated, tired old queen."  C'mon, seriously, there are actually chicks around who would have sex with him?  Ew & ick.

 

Idk, seeing Jax next to Anthony gave me a giggle -- that is, seeing Jax next to someone who actually is young & good looking & hot.

 

Yeah, Lala, those green tats on Jax are real hot.  Moron.

 

Hey, was this the first TH we've ever seen from Shay?  Ever?  So did Scheana marry him just cuz she liked his name?  Hmmmm.

[Chrissytd]

Ariana's about people sleeping with James had me laughing.

Sur is quite the cesspool.

[starrynola]

Damn, Jax -- he looked like one of those drugged-out party-circuit roid queens. I'd luv for James to say to him, "Get out of my way, you sweaty, bloated, tired old queen." C'mon, seriously, there are actually chicks around who would have sex with him? Ew & ick.

Idk, seeing Jax next to Anthony gave me a giggle -- that is, seeing Jax next to someone who actually is young & good looking & hot.

Yeah, Lala, those green tats on Jax are real hot. Moron.

Hey, was this the first TH we've ever seen from Shay? Ever? So did Scheana marry him just cuz she liked his name? Hmmmm.

Cracking up. Tired old queen, but indeed. His face looked raw at the pride party. Like a fresh chemical peel. So sweaty and gross!

[Box305]

James is a walking, talking, DJing STD. 

[ScoobieDoobs]

Ariana's about people sleeping with James had me laughing.

Sur is quite the cesspool.

 

I think my friend & I made the right choice to get out of there quick, when we were there a few weeks ago.

[Misslindsey]

Lala certainly has a type for douchebags with James and Jax. I would rather watch FI Tom and Schwartz doing anything than more of James/Lala/Jax/Kristen drama.

 

Where has Anthony been hiding? I would not mind seeing more of him, but apparently to work at Sur you need to have, for the most part, an awful personality, so Anthony would end up a douche too. Lauren trying to get away from the cameras when she had to know it would come out sooner or later that she slept/bit James.

 

 

Who smiles for a driver's license?

I do. Also, where I go they will retake the picture if you do not like it. It is kind of nice.

[mbaywife123]

Wow! Jax was as high as a kite, and we're not talking booze alone.

James is a little boy with a "look at me" complex.

Go back to middle school both of you twits.

[mbaywife123]

I think my friend & I made the right choice to get out of there quick, when we were there a few weeks ago.

Care to elaborate more?

The reviews on Yelp are not too kind either. Except for the "fans" of the shows.

Bad/snotty service and not great on the drinks or food either.

Edited December 8, 2015 by mbaywife123

[Sarcastica]

James is shaped like a cigarette. He is like a walking cigarette. I don't get the appeal.

What did Scheana say when talking to Jax about Lala? "Get her really drunk"??

I can't believe I watch this show. 

[mbaywife123]

James is shaped like a cigarette. He is like a walking cigarette. I don't get the appeal.

What did Scheana say when talking to Jax about Lala? "Get her really drunk"??

I can't believe I watch this show.

No wonder he and cigarette Sally lasted as long as they did. She couldn't take just one puff.

I can't believe I watch these adolescents as well.

[WhosThatGirl]

It scares me that these people are adults. Like, real adults. At first I thought this season would be kind of fun without Stassi, but it's kind of not and now I just want her to return with a Britney style, "its Stassi, Bitch!"

[ScoobieDoobs]

Care to elaborate more?

The reviews on Yelp are not too kind either. Except for the "fans" of the shows.

Bad/snotty service and not great on the drinks or food either.

 

Nobody behind the bar, and not too many at tables eating, pretty dead-ish on Thurs. at 6-ish.  We went after work.  In New York, everywhere happening is packed then.  Is it diff in LA?  I was in town on business.  Anyhoo, I had to drag my friend there & she was creeped out & wanted to leave fast.  And so we did.  No Jax, no Sandoval, no Ariana, no Lala, no Katie, no Scheana, but I did spot Peter in the distance running around & he had slicked-back, greasy hair & a teeny-weeny pony-tail.  Maybe they were all out back smoking?  I didn't check the alley.  Nah, I was too skeered.  Cigarette Sally mighta been stalking/lurking around back there.

 

Anyone want a drink from Jax?  Broken glass with your ice sounds real nice.

 

Btw, if I spotted Anthony, which I didn't, I woulda stayed -- if only to scope out if he's gay.  He's yet another in the sea of countless men here who I could swear are gay & yet say they bang chicks.  Honestly, it baffles me.

 

Is James talented?  I know he says he is, but I can't tell.  Best line of the After Show was James saying he managed to make Scheana sound halfway decent so he figured he could do the same for Lala.  Thanks for the chuckle, James.

[Teddybear]

I'd like to know what time of day Sheana went to that DMV.  I've been to that one before, and I had to wait 3 hours.  The parking lot was dead, and the woman said she didn't have to wait long.  How is that even possible???  Damn the Vanderpump staff and their perks!

 

I kind of wanted Lala to kick Lauren's ass.  What a stealth bitch, that one!  

 

 

 

 

[yourmomiseasy]

Nobody behind the bar, and not too many at tables eating, pretty dead-ish on Thurs. at 6-ish.  We went after work.  In New York, everywhere happening is packed then.  Is it diff in LA? 

 

6 is really early.  I mean, I don't doubt SUR sucks and would be empty later, but I wouldn't expect to see a lot of places in LA packed at 6pm on a Thursday -- except the freeways, that shit is going to be a parking lot.

[Rottiemommie]

OK must be the insomnia why I'm giving this more than a passing thought but here goes:  James said that he goes nuts when a girl bites the back of his arms when he's having an orgasm. Anatomically how is that even possible, except if the girl were to be either sitting or standing behind him either giving him a reacharound or he's taking care of business himself? I know, I know, the entire thought of it grosses me out too but I call bullshit on that one. Me thinks he pinched his own arm and scratched his own bony ass body. Desperate much, Mr. Muppet?

[yourmomiseasy]

He demonstrated on the aftershow.  He pulls out and shifts around really quick.  I find the bragging about how many hours they went even more implausible.  

[yourmomiseasy]

Shay's talking head made me incredibly sad. Am I naive in thinking that in a good marriage one partner's problems shouldn't be ammo for the other to hold over their head?

[SuzWhat]

Imma gonna watch again, but during the workout the trainer said to pretend they were in bed. Shay says "that will make me throw up" or something.

If he meant with Sheaner, then me too Shay, me too dog.

Edited December 8, 2015 by SuzWhat

[kitten59]

 

ScoobieDoobs

 

OK, am I alone here -- some shots of James, he looks exceptionally beautiful -- and then I see the dumbo ears & the twig arms & go BLECH,  Lala is a moron.

 

 

I think he's a good example of what the French refer to as "jolie laide". I personally find him a bit creepy looking- something about his sunken eyes, and yet, I bet he photographs beautifully in certain angles because of his bone structure. In fact, if he were taller, he'd probably have a different career as a model.

Edited December 8, 2015 by kitten59

[Ubiquitous]

"Afro Brazilian Dance Fighting" is a thing.

It was in an ep of Bob's Burgers in the first season, so I found it amusing and hard to take seriously. Seriously, they took Shay to work out there one time to cure his addiction?

 

Jax was all kinds of coked up!

Fer sure! How sad it is I can tell when Jax is coked up now?

 

Is Kevin James a low rent Bobby Trendy or vice versa?

I have no idea, but to be honest, as soon as I saw him flouncing around and affecting that effeminate speaking pattern I hate so much, I assumed it was Bobby Trendy and promptly ignored that scene of him giving gay-friendly entrepreneur Lisa Vanderbucks decorating advice (which sucked, BTW -- pink tablecloths and pink dresses for the girls? Seriously?). Well, I did find it slightly amusing to see Kristen trying to inseminate herself into the lame-ass group photo in that ugly pink pump car but getting busted by Lisa Vanderbucks.

 

Yeah, Lala, those green tats on Jax are real hot.  Moron.

 

Hey, was this the first TH we've ever seen from Shay?  Ever?  So did Scheana marry him just cuz she liked his name?  Hmmmm.

Yeah, I wondered how Lala could find Jax's tattoos sexy after remembering that creepy cyborg-Stassi one he revealed at last season's reunion. Schena's comments about liking her married name caught my attention as well. Yeah, I can totally see her factoring that into her decision to get married to Shay!

 

James is shaped like a cigarette. He is like a walking cigarette. I don't get the appeal.

I  get the appeal, in a Bandersnatch Cumberbund way. He has an interesting unique appearance about him. Not my type, mind you, because all I think when I see him is "DJ Muppet Baby".

 

Is James talented?  I know he says he is, but I can't tell.  Best line of the After Show was James saying he managed to make Scheana sound halfway decent so he figured he could do the same for Lala.  Thanks for the chuckle, James.

FWIW, I remember being impressed by the song he created for Schena last season, so I guess he isn't totally talentless.

[bblancobrnx]

6 is really early. I mean, I don't doubt SUR sucks and would be empty later, but I wouldn't expect to see a lot of places in LA packed at 6pm on a Thursday -- except the freeways, that shit is going to be a parking lot.

Sur seems to me like it would be more of a late dinner kind if place. The area it is in is not like any part of Manhattan. So the chances of getting someone leaving work walking by there and stopping in for happy hour or something is nil. When I was working in Beverly Hills there was plenty of places that were PACKED all day...Villa Blanca was not one of them. Apparently.not in the area SUR is located.

ETA - Do you think that guy Kevin Lee is always ON for the cameras or do you think he is ALWAYS sashaying around with his "Gay it up! WEEEEEHOOOOO!?" God that would be annoying

Edited December 8, 2015 by bblancobrnx

[ghoulina]

Ugh, enough with James and his exploits, please. I do not want this to turn into the James show. Every single person involved in his drama last night was pathetic. 

 

James was pathetic in his attempts to show off his "battle wounds" while trying to pretend that he didn't want anyone to know. You are not that slick, get over it. It was also quite obvious that he was following the player handbook, trying to make Lala so jealous that she'd commit to him. He's truly human garbage. 

 

Lauren was pathetic for cheating on her boyfriend with that dopey loser and giving into his demands for arm biting during sex. Can we just stop for a minute and ponder how that's even possible? Because I just can't. The only way I can imagine biting the back's of my husband's arms during sex would be if I were behind him. And....um....yea, that doesn't happen. He tried demonstrating on the after show, but it still didn't make any sense to me. (And now I'm not going to be able to eat for the rest of the week, so bring on the Christmas pies!) But you gotta give Lauren credit, she was really hustling with her whole, "You don't want to know. You don't need to. Just forget it" mantra. It ALMOST worked. 

 

And Lala is just too fucking pathetic - for even CARING that James slept with someone else. And then using JAX, Jax of all people, to try and make herself feel better? Oh lord help me. I wouldn't even want to sit in his car, for fear I'd catch something. What was up with her mooning over how hot it was that he had so many tattoos, because it's a sign he can take a lot of pain? She just got done saying she wasn't into all that pain, kinky shit. Hey, Lala, James likes his arms bit!!!!

 

Oh, and we can't forget pathetic Kristen - coming to her old place of business and sidling up in the employee group photo. Going in through the employee entrance, hanging out in the back like she still works there. But then....she basically gives us nothing! No drama. Just walks away from James every time. Come on, honey, you can't go around halfcocked. I won't settle for half measures. I need you flying chicks across the country to attest to your ex boyfriend's crooked penis. Please!!!

 

But, hands down, most pathetic award of the night goes to - James and Lala's song. James's British, white boy rapping paired with Lala's barely audible attempts to sound deep and soulful had me rolling! Oh man, that was priceless. 

 

 

Okay, enough of those clowns. On to the people I wish we had more of  - the Toms! I absolutely loved them taking Shay to work out. They were all so adorable. I think those guys genuinely care about him and are doing what they can to try and help. Sandoval made a good point, that getting Shay to work out isn't just about his physical health, but about having something he can be proud of. He needs to feel good about himself, in general. 

 

I found it very interesting to see the two different perspectives from husband and wife. Scheana is all grinning to Arianna, "We're in the best place. I'm so happy, things are great". And then we have Shay telling the guys that they're working on it, that it will take time, but it's not perfect. Seemed like the more honest response, to me. And we also found out that now that Scheana has been told she can't talk over Shay and control the entire conversation, her answer to that is just text while he's talking. Nice.

[MerisWetBar]

It scares me that these people are adults. Like, real adults. At first I thought this season would be kind of fun without Stassi, but it's kind of not and now I just want her to return with a Britney style, "its Stassi, Bitch!"

Lord YES. Lala tried her weak best to bring the drama but she's no Stassi that's for damn sure.

[ghoulina]

So did Scheana marry him just cuz she liked his name?  Hmmmm.

 

I seriously would not put it past her.

 

Imma gonna watch again, but during the workout the trainer said to pretend they were in bed. Shay says "that will make me throw up" or something.

If he meant with Sheaner, then me too Shay, me too dog.

 

That comment really stood out to me. I desperately wanted to know if it came out wrong, or does he really find sex with his wife disgusting? Maybe it's because he's slipping and sliding all over the sateen bedspread, being choked by fluffy pillows, and can't open his eyes unless he wants to see his own, giant face looming over them.

 

I think he's a good example of what the French refer to as "jolie laide". I personally find him a bit creepy looking- something about his sunken eyes, and yet, I bet he photographs beautifully in certain angles because of his bone structure. In fact, if he were taller, he'd probably have a different career as a model.

 

James does photograph well. I've looked at his IG and he definitely has some pics on there that look like they're straight out of a fashion magazine. But when he's actually animated - talking and moving, he does nothing for me.

 

I like how James said something like "How am I supposed to cover these up?" or "I don't want her to see these" and he's wearing a fucking tank top. Gee I don't know James, maybe wear a shirt?

 

He said on the after show that it's too hot in LA to not wear a tank top. Plus, it was Pride and he was supposed to wear his little uniform tank. However, at one point, he was DJing with a blazer over it. That would have been fine. Not to mention, that back scratches could not be seen, even with his ridiculous hanky of a tank top. He pulled it back several times to show off THOSE marks, so it's quite obvious he was not trying to hide anything.