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Janelle Brown: Smarter Than Your Average Brown (Maybe)

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21 minutes ago, DakotaJustice said:

Crosini isn't hard to make. You get a baguette, slice it, brush with olive oil, and toast. Voila!  

Toast?  That involves work! and Janelle may be scared of toasters like Christine.

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11 hours ago, CalicoKitty said:

The chipped plate really sets it off nicely, don't you think?

I like the added touch of the chipped thumbnail. /s

Seriously, I'm with Kohola.  My cat's thrown-up hairballs look better than this slop.

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16 hours ago, Absolom said:

I have to say that looks more revolting than usual.  Woman can not plate food worth a flying fig.

My sister commented that Janelle's looks like chicken poop. Splat.

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16 hours ago, ginger90 said:

I am surprised she didn't cut and paste this for the STRIVE class of the day:

As figs are loaded with fibre, they help with proper insulin function in diabetes patients. Loaded with vitamin C, this citrus fruit can be consumed daily by diabetic people. Though watermelons contain high GI value, their glycemic load is low. This makes it a good and healthier food option for diabetic patients

Since it has fiber I am guessing she is a bit tootier than normal.  

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41 minutes ago, DakotaJustice said:

My sister commented that Janelle's looks like chicken poop. Splat.

Just looking at the way that bread is spread sends my OCD into a spiral.  An even layer of goat cheese would have been far more appealing to me.  I don't know if this was an evening snack or an appetizer but gauging her thumb size to the size of the bread, it looks like it would be a 6 bite exercise in balancing the toppings to keep them on the bread.  No crostini?  Maybe Melba toast would have been a more stable alternative and probably fewer calories than "cocktail bread".

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15 hours ago, DakotaJustice said:

Crosini isn't hard to make. You get a baguette, slice it, brush with olive oil, and toast. Voila!  

Cocktail bread?!?

Here's the food Network pic as a comparison. 

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"fancy for a weeknight" Janelle's is more like "fancy for the trashcan"

Exactly, and the best part of the recipe is the crispy crostini paired with the soft goat cheese etc... Slapping it on soft bread is just gross!     😲

Why does this family keep and use chipped dishes?

Every damn pic involving food is on a chipped plate or in a chipped cup 

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Just now, Sandy W said:

Just looking at the way that bread is spread sends my OCD into a spiral.  An even layer of goat cheese would have been far more appealing to me.  I don't know if this was an evening snack or an appetizer but gauging her thumb size to the size of the bread, it looks like it would be a 6 bite exercise in balancing the toppings to keep them on the bread.  No crostini?  Maybe Melba toast would have been a more stable alternative and probably fewer calories than "cocktail bread".

OR she could have done an even spread of the fig jazz and put dollops of goat cheese on top.  Some form would be nice.  It is important for every bite to have an even amount of stuff.  

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At least her splats landed on the bread this time.  I recall a photo from several months ago, on a similar chipped plate, where there were splats carried over onto and over the edge of the plate.  Has she never seen a chef on a cooking show wipe off any excess before photographing or presenting the food.

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Most of them take horrible photos: Janelle's chipped plates with food falling off of it, Maddie showcasing Axel's new haircut with a blurry picture of him rolling forward, mykelti showing chipped nails while promoting "nail polish", Christine's odd facial expressions, Meri and Mariah ...wellll...take your pick.  I mean if you're promoting a food "blog", how about making the food look edible.

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"...gas in my tummy".  Is she preaching to 5 year olds?

So I guess now we're going all out on foods we like- no need for nutrition advice anymore as long as we have a good poop.

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What goes in, must come out, one way or another!

Amazing how in one week, she figured it all out.

btw, the video she’s referring to was the “perfectionist “ one.

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This woman and her damn gas! She ought to partner up with Whitney Way Thore on her "fitness" site.  Cookies and cakes, then we wiggle and shake.  Janelle's got gas, while Whitney's twerkin' her ass.  Vegetables, we abhor! Cookies and cakes... give us more!

P.S.  I hate them.

P.P.S.  i actually dont, but they make almost no sense to me.  I would get a kick out of Janelle doing Whitney's ONE dance move, while Whitney flirts inappropriately with Kootie.  Come on TLC, give us a crossover. 

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3 minutes ago, Irate Panda said:

This woman and her damn gas! She ought to partner up with Whitney Way Thore on her "fitness" site.  Cookies and cakes, then we wiggle and shake.  Janelle's got gas, while Whitney's twerkin' her ass.  Vegetables, we abhor! Cookies and cakes... give us more!

P.S.  I hate them.

P.P.S.  i actually dont, but they make almost no sense to me.  I would get a kick out of Janelle doing Whitney's ONE dance move, while Whitney flirts inappropriately with Kootie.  Come on TLC, give us a crossover. 

Thanks for this IP, you put an image in my head that will give me an occasional chuckle throughout the day.

Too bad Janelle's sense of dignity and decorum don't permit her to "do dancing" even within the confines of her own families kitchens.

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5 hours ago, ginger90 said:

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“How it is supposed to be”—In Janelle’s case (after trying to decipher all this), it seems to be she feels destined to be fat forever. 

There IS a secret key to fitness/weight loss, Janelle, you just don’t want to put in the work. Having healthy gut flora is part of it, but not all. So go ahead and blame it ALL on gut health the same way Whitney Thore blames her obesity solely on PCOS. They’re just excuses to avoid the truth. 

I knew she was gonna pull this crap. Anything to get out of a healthy diet and exercise plan. Yet she still charges people for her failures—what a SCAM. If Strive was just a blog and not a business, I’d feel completely different about it (and her). Don’t charge people for give-up, lame ass advice on how to fail and how to make excuses for it. Right from the Book of Whitney. 

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Why is this woman SO obsessed with digestion??? Sure, there are foods that can make you feel like shit (sugar, high fat, a shit ton of carbs), but that has nothing to do with digestion. If something sits in your stomach a long time, that means it is taking a while to, you know, digest. Nothing wrong with that. And yes, there are certain foods that can pass through, looking like it did when it entered her pie hole. The key there is to masticate her food properly so the stomach can break it down easier. If she is bloating (ie. gassy) in her stomach (rather than her intestines), then she has a food intolerance or some type of infection/disease.

She needs to lay off all the weird shit she eats, go back to a basic food diet, throw some probiotics in there and see what happens. If she insists in eating her Rock Star Foods, then add them back one at a time until she discovers what messes with her.

We need to change the name of this thread to "Janelle Brown: Digestion is my Enemy"

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24 minutes ago, Galloway Cave said:

Why is this woman SO obsessed with digestion??? Sure, there are foods that can make you feel like shit (sugar, high fat, a shit ton of carbs), but that has nothing to do with digestion. If something sits in your stomach a long time, that means it is taking a while to, you know, digest. Nothing wrong with that. And yes, there are certain foods that can pass through, looking like it did when it entered her pie hole. The key there is to masticate her food properly so the stomach can break it down easier. If she is bloating (ie. gassy) in her stomach (rather than her intestines), then she has a food intolerance or some type of infection/disease.

She needs to lay off all the weird shit she eats, go back to a basic food diet, throw some probiotics in there and see what happens. If she insists in eating her Rock Star Foods, then add them back one at a time until she discovers what messes with her.

We need to change the name of this thread to "Janelle Brown: Digestion is my Enemy"

If she had a speck of sense she would see a gastro to see what the heck is going on back there!  Or learn from Gillian McKeith the nutritionist from You Are What You Eat for guides to what a good BM looks like (she also had their um, output, analyzed to see what they were deficient in etc), what foods are good for digestion, what foods are good to clean out the liver, give you energy, etc.  I LOVED that show.  Youtube-able.  She always encouraged her fluffy participants to eat miso soup in the am, mung beans were also a recommended food for something I cannot remember, strawberries for the liver, and so on.  Janelle, someone has already figured this shit out so spinning like a confused top is not necessary!  BAM! Rockstar info available and you do not have to leave your couch!

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Pretend there’s a quote box!

“IfStrive was just a blog and not a business, I’d feel completely different about it (and her). Don’t charge people for give-up, lame ass advice on how to fail and how to make excuses for it.”

The posts I put here are from Facebook. She hasn’t done a blog post since May 30, 2018. No clue if she has any customers through her telephone consults. I would guess not, but you never know.

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And she has:

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Edited by ginger90
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6 hours ago, Irate Panda said:

This woman and her damn gas! She ought to partner up with Whitney Way Thore on her "fitness" site.  Cookies and cakes, then we wiggle and shake.  Janelle's got gas, while Whitney's twerkin' her ass.  Vegetables, we abhor! Cookies and cakes... give us more!

P.S.  I hate them.

P.P.S.  i actually dont, but they make almost no sense to me.  I would get a kick out of Janelle doing Whitney's ONE dance move, while Whitney flirts inappropriately with Kootie.  Come on TLC, give us a crossover. 

I want a Whitney/ Dugger crossover. Can you imagine Whitney giving all the men a full frontal hug? The Dugger's collective shout of Nike when they first saw her inappropriate dress? Their meeting in the prayer closet when they explained about modest dress? And of course her attempt to teach everyone how to dance?

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She should probably drink a lot more water. Just plain water. 

I drink tap water but if that's not her preference just get a Brita. 

I'm guessing most of her water comes from coffee, tea, and other beverages than just plain water.

Edited by DakotaJustice
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The 'Strive" apron is sold out??  You've got to me kidding me.  But knowing Janelle she probably only ordered 6 or so of them to be made, gave them to her kids as Christmas gifts, and just never got around to ordering more.

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8 hours ago, Meowwww said:

I almost want to pay the $35 for a health coaching session! 

I know what my husband will be getting for Christmas!  He's already thrilled  that I wanted to get him a cameo video message from one of the "stars"  on My Big Fat Fabulous Life...although that was 4 dollars.  I'm sure military man would appreciate Janelles tips.  I know he doesn't get enough nutmeg in his diet.

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"A Tuesday night funny for what seems to be shaping up to be a long week."

I had to read that sentence five times before I figured out what she was trying to say.

And - correct me if I'm wrong - isn't it counter-productive for a self-proclaimed "health coach" to admit that she buys produce but doesn't eat it?

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2 hours ago, laurakaye said:

"A Tuesday night funny for what seems to be shaping up to be a long week."

I had to read that sentence five times before I figured out what she was trying to say.

And - correct me if I'm wrong - isn't it counter-productive for a self-proclaimed "health coach" to admit that she buys produce but doesn't eat it?

I'm guilty of doing the same thing.  But have started doing a better job of eating them up.  

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15 minutes ago, Pickleinthemiddle said:

I'm guilty of doing the same thing.  But have started doing a better job of eating them up.  

Oh, same here - but we aren't charging people for health advice.  It's one thing if she posts pictures her farmer's market fruit and veggie haul, but it's another thing if she tells her 8 followers that she's not even eating what she buys.  Her barely-trying rockstar health coaching is awful, but the problem is, there might be people seriously following her and taking her stupid advice.

Edited by laurakaye
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On 9/18/2019 at 10:58 AM, DakotaJustice said:

OTOH she might do a 180 and write about Metamucil and Ex-Lax.

or spend $5.69 for some Lakewood prune juice.

I will take Janelle's chipped plate photo over another photo of Meri or Mykelti wearing Lalaroe.  

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1 hour ago, Pickleinthemiddle said:

I'm guilty of doing the same thing.  But have started doing a better job of eating them up.  

If I were energetic I would go look up my post on M600PL about the amount of produce we had in the house one day during the summer.  We managed to consume it all. 

Compared to what we buy in summer, I feel like old Mother Hubbard with a bare cupboard as we are down to oranges, apples, grapes, lemons,  tomatoes,  cantaloupes, raisins, carrots, onions, peppers, and some bagged salad greens.  We ate the broccoli at lunch with some chicken tetrazinni.    I am not including the frozen stuff like zucchini spirals and cauliflower rice.

I really miss fresh peaches.

I am not willing to call Janelle for $35, but I would really like to hear what she says.   Well, maybe not as I can read her "strive" stuff  in this forum and have it interpreted by @Mahamid Frauded Me and other posters.

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3 hours ago, laurakaye said:

"A Tuesday night funny for what seems to be shaping up to be a long week."

I had to read that sentence five times before I figured out what she was trying to say.

And - correct me if I'm wrong - isn't it counter-productive for a self-proclaimed "health coach" to admit that she buys produce but doesn't eat it?

That's the first thing I thought of!  Janelle has zero self-awareness of how contrary her posts are, from her what should be, "health coach" expectations from her subscribers.  She doesn't realize how dopey and clueless she sounds.

I'm clueless about several subjects, but then again, I'm not soaking gullible people $35 a month for stupid shit.  I'm a COL, but I don't profit from that claim.

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On 9/23/2019 at 6:56 AM, Meowwww said:

I almost want to pay the $35 for a health coaching session! 

Open up a go fund me and we can all chip in a dollar!  I know I would just for the inside scoop...but only if you ask her some tough questions!

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I would gladly chip in a buck or two for someone to find out what kind of sage advice Coach Janelle would offer.  

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4 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

That's the first thing I thought of!  Janelle has zero self-awareness of how contrary her posts are, from her what should be, "health coach" expectations from her subscribers.  She doesn't realize how dopey and clueless she sounds.

I'm clueless about several subjects, but then again, I'm not soaking gullible people $35 a month for stupid shit.  I'm a COL, but I don't profit from that claim.

It's not $35 a month. It's $35 per CALL.

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"...usually fairly satisfying."  

Another marketing genius.  Makes me reach for the phone - not.

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43 minutes ago, Kohola3 said:

"...usually fairly satisfying."  

Another marketing genius.  Makes me reach for the phone - not.

I've seen this several times and I never really noticed that phrase until you just now pointed it out. I'm cracking up right this minute! Ha!

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15 hours ago, ginger90 said:

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Yeah, been there done that! After DH passed I went through a long hard time not quite knowing what to do. I'd shop and the veggies would wilt in the fridge...I told my therapist that I should just shop and then throw the veggies in the garbage when I got home as that was where they would end up. But I  think I had a pretty good excuse for that at that time...what is Janelle's excuse??

Edited by Gramto6 · Reason: typo
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On 9/22/2019 at 12:52 PM, Galloway Cave said:

Why is this woman SO obsessed with digestion??? Sure, there are foods that can make you feel like shit (sugar, high fat, a shit ton of carbs), but that has nothing to do with digestion. If something sits in your stomach a long time, that means it is taking a while to, you know, digest. Nothing wrong with that. And yes, there are certain foods that can pass through, looking like it did when it entered her pie hole. The key there is to masticate her food properly so the stomach can break it down easier. If she is bloating (ie. gassy) in her stomach (rather than her intestines), then she has a food intolerance or some type of infection/disease.

She needs to lay off all the weird shit she eats, go back to a basic food diet, throw some probiotics in there and see what happens. If she insists in eating her Rock Star Foods, then add them back one at a time until she discovers what messes with her.

We need to change the name of this thread to "Janelle Brown: Digestion is my Enemy"

I was just going to suggest her looking into probiotics if she has digestive issues.  Plus she should look into foods that really aid digestion, not some of the crap she posts here.  If her gut flora is off that could contribute to her weight issues.  She'll never solve those until she gets her stomach straightened out.  I'm reading that there's a direct correlation from the balance of one's gut flora to one's ability to maintain a healthy weight.  When it's off your digestion is off too and you can hold on to too much fat.  Plus it can also make you hungrier and crave more carbs.  She could also have food sensitivities that contribute to her weight issues, so she should go to a dr. to figure out what they are.  She should also look into bumping up the fiber in her diet, that can only help.

Edited by Yeah No
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4 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I was just going to suggest her looking into probiotics if she has digestive issues.  Plus she should look into foods that really aid digestion, not some of the crap she posts here.  If her gut flora is off that could contribute to her weight issues.  She'll never solve those until she gets her stomach straightened out.  I'm reading that there's a direct correlation from the balance of one's gut flora to one's ability to maintain a healthy weight.  When it's off your digestion is off too and you can hold on to too much fat.  Plus it can also make you hungrier and crave more carbs.  She could also have food sensitivities that contribute to her weight issues, so she should go to a dr. to figure out what they are.  She should also look into bumping up the fiber in her diet, that can only help.

I agree she likely has gut flora issues; it can affect everything from digestion to immune responses and even her weight. You’d think she would have already been to a specialist so she could sort this out. 

Yet, she flounders. She rarely sticks with anything. We seem to know more about this topic than she does! What is her damn problem? It’s been years of blubbering about digestion. 

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13 hours ago, DakotaJustice said:

It's not $35 a month. It's $35 per CALL.

That's insane!  I wouldn't pay $35 to talk to anyone on earth, LEAST of all this so-called "coach."  I'd sooner get ripped off by those phony psychics.  Remember Miss Cleo?  LOL

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9 minutes ago, xwordfanatik said:

That's insane!  I wouldn't pay $35 to talk to anyone on earth, LEAST of all this so-called "coach."  I'd sooner get ripped off by those phony psychics.  Remember Miss Cleo?  LOL

I was just thinking about Miss Cleo!! 

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7 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I was just going to suggest her looking into probiotics if she has digestive issues.  Plus she should look into foods that really aid digestion, not some of the crap she posts here.  If her gut flora is off that could contribute to her weight issues.  She'll never solve those until she gets her stomach straightened out.  I'm reading that there's a direct correlation from the balance of one's gut flora to one's ability to maintain a healthy weight.  When it's off your digestion is off too and you can hold on to too much fat.  Plus it can also make you hungrier and crave more carbs.  She could also have food sensitivities that contribute to her weight issues, so she should go to a dr. to figure out what they are.  She should also look into bumping up the fiber in her diet, that can only help.

She just needs to cut the carbs.  I'm not saying go KETO.  Just reduce her carbs.  I've been diagnosed as Type 2 diabetes.  In 6 days I have lost 5 pounds, just by changing my eating habits, because I want to get off this medicine as soon as possible.  I'm walking at least 10,000 steps everyday and eat more vegetables and lean protein.  It's working, hope to be 30 pounds lighter when I go back for a checkup in 3 months.  Surprisingly I'm not hungry either, despite the fact I'm not eating as many calories. 

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3 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

That's insane!  I wouldn't pay $35 to talk to anyone on earth, LEAST of all this so-called "coach."  I'd sooner get ripped off by those phony psychics.  Remember Miss Cleo?  LOL

Unfortunately, I'm thinking that the people who have actually called her probably have similar weight issues as Janelle and are excited at the prospect of a Z-list celeb chatting with them.  As for any useful advice, I can imagine the "usually fairly satisfying" 40-minute phone convo contains a lot of dead air as Janelle looks crap up on Google, pauses to get her peanut-butter Fritos out of the oven, or takes a nap.

Edited by laurakaye
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3 hours ago, xwordfanatik said:

That's insane!  I wouldn't pay $35 to talk to anyone on earth, LEAST of all this so-called "coach."  I'd sooner get ripped off by those phony psychics.  Remember Miss Cleo?  LOL

This is exactly what I thought when I read about paying for a phone call from Janelle.  She has a script that she reads that lasts 35 minutes...giving you the chance to say something or ask something in the last 5 minutes before "bing!" the 40 minutes are up.  BUT...if you need more from her, or want to ask questions...then...that's another $35 please. 🙂

If the script is written well enough...there will be some great thing that you just really need to know, but geez, we are out of time...

Just like with phone psychics and pay-for-a-cleansing-spell witches, you have something dark stuck to your aura, some kind of evillll. For $300 they can perform a cleansing to save you.  If you fall for that...then they really kick in and drain you dry.  Years ago I had a neighbor who lost her house to a "psychic".  The poor lady was left with nothing and the psychic forced her out of her house, then turned it into a rental.

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16 hours ago, Kohola3 said:

"...usually fairly satisfying."  

Another marketing genius.  Makes me reach for the phone - not.

Well, I am sure it is fairly satisfying for her.   $35 for less than an hour on the phone with someone.   I bet she hangs up on them as soon as the 40 minutes are up--perhaps resulting in a second call.   I  would hate to imagine the advice she gives.  

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Didn't Janelle go to Nashville or someplace for some sort of "training" or certification in the past year? Wonder what became of that?

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