Meri Brown and her Wet Bar of Tears

[Pickleinthemiddle]

2 hours ago, deirdra said:

I can see that having a photo for people who need to see it for closure is a thing, but the undertaker could take it.  But don't send it to people unless they ask for it. And don't post it on SM.

Plus some funeral homes will stream the service so those who can't attend can watch.  Or burn a DVD to purchase.

[LucyEth]

On 4/4/2021 at 12:03 AM, riverblue22 said:

At first glance, I thought Mariah was Day-un.

I did too

I guess Robyn was not in attendance because it was probably in Utah.  Janelle was there because that is her ex mother in law.  Janelle lost her mom a few months earlier and I didn’t see any articles or pictures of that funeral anywhere.  I wonder if Janelle has any siblings?

[Sandy W]

39 minutes ago, LucyEth said:

I did too

I guess Robyn was not in attendance because it was probably in Utah.  Janelle was there because that is her ex mother in law.  Janelle lost her mom a few months earlier and I didn’t see any articles or pictures of that funeral anywhere.  I wonder if Janelle has any siblings?

I would like to know if Kody was in attendance at Janelle's mothers funeral.  She was his father's widow, his "bonus mom" as well as his mother-in-law.  I guess TLC didn't see fit to plant People magazine or other sources for publicity because the program wasn't airing in December, so there would be no advantage.  On the other hand, it may have been her mother's wish not to have fanfare attached to her funeral. 

[deirdra]

53 minutes ago, LucyEth said:

 Janelle was there because that is her ex mother in law.  

She also got some me-time with Kodouche, riding in the car >7 hrs each way, kissing him on camera for Robyn & Meri to see, and at least one night in a hotel with him.

[Elodia]

Is it ok to mention reddit here? If not, I'm sorry and feel free to delete this post... But there's a user named PinkMonkeySlippers and she does hilarious parodies of the Browns. There's a new one, about Kody's and Meri's anniversary. Hilarious😂

[CouchTater]

6 minutes ago, Elodia said:

Is it ok to mention reddit here? If not, I'm sorry and feel free to delete this post... But there's a user named PinkMonkeySlippers and she does hilarious parodies of the Browns. There's a new one, about Kody's and Meri's anniversary. Hilarious😂

I posted that video in the episode thread.  OMG, so funny!!!

[NotinKansasanymore]

I just watched Meri's interview with US weekly. First I want to say that her skin and makeup looks really good! But I have to roll my eyes, when the interviewer asked if Meri ever had a desire to be in a monogamous relationship, and she said no.

Really? Really Meri? You mean you and your catfish that you were leaving Kody for talked about living plural marriage? Nope, I don't think so. So yeah you did want a monogamous relationship. I swear the wives are never really truthful when they do these interviews.

[CSunshine76]

Oh man Mariah and Audrey look awful. Why would they get essentially the same haircut? They scream “look at us”.

[Twopper]

23 hours ago, CouchTater said:

23 hours ago, Elodia said:

Is it ok to mention reddit here? If not, I'm sorry and feel free to delete this post... But there's a user named PinkMonkeySlippers and she does hilarious parodies of the Browns. There's a new one, about Kody's and Meri's anniversary. Hilarious😂

I posted that video in the episode thread.  OMG, so funny!!!

Make sure to play it all the way to the end, because the comment about the trees is hilarious.

[OdinO.]

On 3/13/2021 at 10:40 AM, NoWhammies said:

You know - the therapist in me can't help but suspect Meri is the "identified patient" serving as an outlet for family dysfunction. For years, the entire family has been allowed to project their dysfunction onto Meri and what's wrong with Meri so they can avoid their own roles in it. 

The scapegoat.

[OdinO.]

23 hours ago, CSunshine76 said:

Oh man Mariah and Audrey look awful. Why would they get essentially the same haircut? They scream “look at us”.

It's very strange. Mariah thing, I'm sure.

[ginger90]

I believe I’ve mentioned previously, Meri does a live on Instagram on Friday evenings titled, Friday with Friends. She said in the most recent one that her mother had been having symptoms that seemed similar to COVID symptoms. So, Meri’s sister took her to get tested. Meri’s mother called her to let her know the test was negative. That same evening, Bonnie had “blood pressure problems “ and was taken to the hospital. Meri said she died of a heart attack.

 

Forgot to attach it if anyone wants to watch:

https://www.instagram.com/p/CNd_97ZgM1N/?hl=en

Edited April 10, 2021 by ginger90

[Twopper]

23 hours ago, OdinO. said:

The scapegoat.

 i am beginning to think so especially after binge watching 12 seasons.   After 2-3 episodes of the catfishery during the original airing, I started ffing thru the stuff about it because they just kept re-hashing it and they started including all those sessions with Nancy which I also mostly skipped.   I have forced myself to watch through them during my binge, and it isn't easy. 

We snark on the Janelle board about her being sloth-like.   After listening to her sessions with Nancy, it seems like Janelle is extremely slow to "process' comments or actions by others--especially Meri--and therefore is really slow to react or  maybe even doesn't respond at all.  This doesn't work with Meri who can be really blunt and whose thought processes seem to work a lot faster in conversations.

There was an interesting conversation about decor when they visited the Dargers when Meri asked how the wives settled on their decor.  I myself didn't notice the decor in the living room.  If you compare Meri's house which has a lot of figurines and the way Lizzie's Inn is decorated with Janelle's western motif (such as it is) it is easy to see how they would have butted heads about how to furnish any place they shared.  Clearly decor is very important to Meri.  The Darger wife quickly put Meri in her place because the Darger women feel that living together is more important than how the house is decorated.

I need to come back and develop my theory about the Meri-Janelle dynamic more fully, but dinner calls.

[deirdra]

On 3/22/2021 at 3:53 PM, ginger90 said:

I detest the misuse of the word “hater”.

Meri's commenters aren't really "haters" as she calls them, they are hypocrisy finders who call it out when they see it.

Meri can be really blunt and her thought processes seem to work faster in conversations than Janelle's, but she is often obtuse and talks around and around a subject.  You'll know she's mad at you but not exactly why.  So this fambly never seems to be able to get to the root of their problems.

Edited April 10, 2021 by deirdra

[Irate Panda]

On 4/7/2021 at 4:31 PM, LucyEth said:

I did too

I guess Robyn was not in attendance because it was probably in Utah.  Janelle was there because that is her ex mother in law.  Janelle lost her mom a few months earlier and I didn’t see any articles or pictures of that funeral anywhere.  I wonder if Janelle has any siblings?

I believe Janelle has a biological sister and I guess X amount of “step-siblings” if you count Kody and his siblings.

[kimaken]

On 4/10/2021 at 5:11 PM, ginger90 said:

I believe I’ve mentioned previously, Meri does a live on Instagram on Friday evenings titled, Friday with Friends. She said in the most recent one that her mother had been having symptoms that seemed similar to COVID symptoms. So, Meri’s sister took her to get tested. Meri’s mother called her to let her know the test was negative. That same evening, Bonnie had “blood pressure problems “ and was taken to the hospital. Meri said she died of a heart attack.

I was sorry to hear of Meri's mother passing away recently. Will Mariah and Audrey run Lizzie's Inn for Meri now, or is this just a temporary thing for them until get fully settled now that they've left Chicago? I think it would be a perfect opportunity for Meri to pull up stakes in Flagstaff because she now has a reason (manage her B&B business) to move back to Utah.

[luckykat]

In trying to understand why Meri is so hell-bent on making Kody fall back in love with her, I decided to go back and listen to all of the audio recordings posted by the catfisher.  It's clear to me that Meri was madly in love with "Samuel," and if he had turned out to be real, she would be long gone by now.  

You just can't unring that bell.  I don't see how she can expect Kody to come back from that.  It's clearly over.  Time to move on.

[Sandy W]

19 minutes ago, luckykat said:

In trying to understand why Meri is so hell-bent on making Kody fall back in love with her, I decided to go back and listen to all of the audio recordings posted by the catfisher.  It's clear to me that Meri was madly in love with "Samuel," and if he had turned out to be real, she would be long gone by now.  

You just can't unring that bell.  I don't see how she can expect Kody to come back from that.  It's clearly over.  Time to move on.

It seems to me that Meri was in love with the concept of being swept away to a life of luxury and romance.  She must have been reading too many "bodice-ripper" paperback novels to actually believe that a frumpy, lumpy, uneducated, middle-aged woman would be appealing to "Sam", a handsome, younger, fit, multi-millionaire as "he" described himself.  Did she never question what she was bringing to the table that would cause him to be attracted to her?

When Kody arbitrarily said that he was waiting for Meri to court/flirt with him, he may have been expecting declarations such as: - "I love you, I Love You, I LOOOOVE YOUUU" as she had verbalized to Sam, an individual she had never laid eyes on.  It may have been a good idea on Meri's part to have tossed a bunch of bananas into the picnic basket and she could then have demonstrated her skills.  That just may have turned the tide to Meri's favor.

[Pickleinthemiddle]

4 hours ago, kimaken said:

I was sorry to hear of Meri's mother passing away recently. Will Mariah and Audrey run Lizzie's Inn for Meri now, or is this just a temporary thing for them until get fully settled now that they've left Chicago? I think it would be a perfect opportunity for Meri to pull up stakes in Flagstaff because she now has a reason (manage her B&B business) to move back to Utah.

I really don't know.  I think Meri really liked living in Vegas as did Christine and Janelle.  I see her moving to a larger city.  Maybe getting someone else to run the B&B.

[smarty]

4 hours ago, Pickleinthemiddle said:

I really don't know.  I think Meri really liked living in Vegas as did Christine and Janelle.  I see her moving to a larger city.  Maybe getting someone else to run the B&B.

Meri said in a recent interview that Las Vegas was her favorite place she's lived, that she made good friends there.  I think she'd rather live there than anywhere else, except maybe eventually near Mariah  in SLC (my own speculation).

 

5 hours ago, luckykat said:

In trying to understand why Meri is so hell-bent on making Kody fall back in love with her, I decided to go back and listen to all of the audio recordings posted by the catfisher. 

Can I ask - did the catfish voice sound like a male? And I'm guessing they must have only done phone conversations, because if they used Facetime or something then Meri would have seen Sam wasn't who he was supposed to be.

[xwordfanatik]

1 hour ago, smarty said:

Meri said in a recent interview that Las Vegas was her favorite place she's lived, that she made good friends there.  I think she'd rather live there than anywhere else, except maybe eventually near Mariah  in SLC (my own speculation).

 

Can I ask - did the catfish voice sound like a male? And I'm guessing they must have only done phone conversations, because if they used Facetime or something then Meri would have seen Sam wasn't who he was supposed to be.

I've listened to a couple of the conversations, and to me, it sounded like a woman.  

[absolutelyido]

On 4/12/2021 at 11:25 AM, luckykat said:

In trying to understand why Meri is so hell-bent on making Kody fall back in love with her, I decided to go back and listen to all of the audio recordings posted by the catfisher.  It's clear to me that Meri was madly in love with "Samuel," and if he had turned out to be real, she would be long gone by now.  

You just can't unring that bell.  I don't see how she can expect Kody to come back from that.  It's clearly over.  Time to move on.

 On the other hand, Kody fell in love with 3 other women while married to Meri and she was expected to live with that.

[Irate Panda]

I never listened to the Catfish calls until this week.  I only got through a minute or so of one call and it was a million times with the “I love you” and “Babe”.  I was actually a little shocked.  It wasn’t salacious or anything, but I guess I was surprised she would leave a message with so much of that.  Guess I’m used to her walls being up.  I mean I don’t really care about the marriage or ex-marriage of these two fools, but I can’t fathom Meri having been with Kody decades at that point really thinking Kody would listen to those tapes and forgive her.  It’s not that she shouldn’t be forgiven or another man couldn’t, I’m just really surprised that she thought Kody and his ego would ever get over this.  I’m not even throwing in not only does he know, but millions of strangers know.  Yes, he has 4 wives and I’m not saying that’s fair.  I mean, I know how Meri got there, but I’m saying once it was exposed as a catfish, did she really think Kody had the capability of forgiving that?  This guy melted down at the mere idea of another man.  I guess at this point they’re just around for the money, but I really want to know if Meri actually thought there was an actual chance of them getting back together as a romantic couple or was hoping they could at least play one on tv?

[ReadMeLattice]

6 minutes ago, Irate Panda said:

I never listened to the Catfish calls until this week.  I only got through a minute or so of one call and it was a million times with the “I love you” and “Babe”.  I was actually a little shocked.  It wasn’t salacious or anything, but I guess I was surprised she would leave a message with so much of that.  Guess I’m used to her walls being up.  I mean I don’t really care about the marriage or ex-marriage of these two fools, but I can’t fathom Meri having been with Kody decades at that point really thinking Kody would listen to those tapes and forgive her.  It’s not that she shouldn’t be forgiven or another man couldn’t, I’m just really surprised that she thought Kody and his ego would ever get over this.  I’m not even throwing in not only does he know, but millions of strangers know.  Yes, he has 4 wives and I’m not saying that’s fair.  I mean, I know how Meri got there, but I’m saying once it was exposed as a catfish, did she really think Kody had the capability of forgiving that?  This guy melted down at the mere idea of another man.  I guess at this point they’re just around for the money, but I really want to know if Meri actually thought there was an actual chance of them getting back together as a romantic couple or was hoping they could at least play one on tv?

At one memorable point, she actually told the catfisher that “he” was “better than Kody on all levels. On ALL fucking levels.” (Yes, with the swearing!) and the context of the statements was clearly sex & looks, so she was pretty clearly dogging Kody’s appearance and skills in the bedroom. 

I do honestly feel bad for Meri because it’s clear from those voicemails that she never got to experience any real romance in life. Her first “love” was Kody, and they were already talking about plural marriage during their courtship. A lot of women want a head over heels romance — at least once, at least for a few months. 
 

BUT you are also completely right. There is no way Kody would ever get over the sexy bathrobe and banana photos and the romantic voicemails. His ego is intense and he also just seems incredibly pushy about “purity” in women. He even said there was an “ick factor” about Robyn because she had children from another man. So for him, Meri is sullied.

Then there’s the small part where I begrudgingly agree with Kody, which is simply in that it would drive me crazy for someone to lie to me this hard for so long. If my husband sent hundreds of voicemails to a woman telling her he was going to bang her brains out and marry her, the only thing that would bother me more than the actual affair would be if he lied about it for 6 years afterward and insisted he was a “victim” of some evil predator instead of just saying “yeah, I wanted to get with this other woman instead.” 

[ReadMeLattice]

On 4/12/2021 at 1:02 PM, Sandy W said:

It seems to me that Meri was in love with the concept of being swept away to a life of luxury and romance.  She must have been reading too many "bodice-ripper" paperback novels to actually believe that a frumpy, lumpy, uneducated, middle-aged woman would be appealing to "Sam", a handsome, younger, fit, multi-millionaire as "he" described himself.  

Dont forget staunchly vegan and devoutly Catholic! 
 

Incidentally, that pretty much proves she is no longer fundamentalist Mormon or Mormon at all. Mormons can get unsealed sometimes from one person and marry another in the temple. No Mormon would marry a Catholic if they still fully believed in the religion. 

[Irate Panda]

13 minutes ago, ReadMeLattice said:

At one memorable point, she actually told the catfisher that “he” was “better than Kody on all levels. On ALL fucking levels.” (Yes, with the swearing!) and the context of the statements was clearly sex & looks, so she was pretty clearly dogging Kody’s appearance and skills in the bedroom. 

 

OH MY!!!

[deirdra]

Kody must be pretty bad in bed if phone sex with imaginary "Sam" and a banana is better.

Edited April 14, 2021 by deirdra

[Cetacean]

15 minutes ago, deirdra said:

Kody must be pretty bad in bed if phone sex with imaginary "Sam" and a banana is better.

Especially since Sam is a woman.

[itsadryheat]

1 hour ago, deirdra said:

Kody must be pretty bad in bed

He's a failure at everything else, why would he be any good in this area . . . unless it's with himself.

[monagatuna]

4 hours ago, Irate Panda said:

I never listened to the Catfish calls until this week.  I only got through a minute or so of one call and it was a million times with the “I love you” and “Babe”.  I was actually a little shocked.  It wasn’t salacious or anything, but I guess I was surprised she would leave a message with so much of that.  Guess I’m used to her walls being up.  I mean I don’t really care about the marriage or ex-marriage of these two fools, but I can’t fathom Meri having been with Kody decades at that point really thinking Kody would listen to those tapes and forgive her.  It’s not that she shouldn’t be forgiven or another man couldn’t, I’m just really surprised that she thought Kody and his ego would ever get over this.  I’m not even throwing in not only does he know, but millions of strangers know.  Yes, he has 4 wives and I’m not saying that’s fair.  I mean, I know how Meri got there, but I’m saying once it was exposed as a catfish, did she really think Kody had the capability of forgiving that?  This guy melted down at the mere idea of another man.  I guess at this point they’re just around for the money, but I really want to know if Meri actually thought there was an actual chance of them getting back together as a romantic couple or was hoping they could at least play one on tv?

Where do you find them? I only just started watching the show and I'm seeing oft-mentioned issues such as Kody trying to "cure" scoliosis with some kind of magic water, and ignoring Truely while she nearly died, but all that has been scrubbed from on-demand episodes. I'm past the part where the catfish was supposed to have happened and there's nothing salacious in any of the episodes.

[Chicklet]

10 hours ago, Cetacean said:

Especially since Sam is a woman.

Just spit balling here but... not beyond imagining that Meri might find a few men or women that could surpass Kody in the bedroom. Heck an adult toy alone might do it. 

[Irate Panda]

7 hours ago, monagatuna said:

Where do you find them? I only just started watching the show and I'm seeing oft-mentioned issues such as Kody trying to "cure" scoliosis with some kind of magic water, and ignoring Truely while she nearly died, but all that has been scrubbed from on-demand episodes. I'm past the part where the catfish was supposed to have happened and there's nothing salacious in any of the episodes.

I just Googled  Meri Brown Catfish phone calls.  I only listened to a few seconds of one. It wasn’t rowdy, but I wasn’t expecting all the gushing and “I love yous”.  I guess the others were more than that.  As far as I know they never played anything on air, in fact, half the adults acted like they didn’t even know what a catfish was.  IIRC Janelle said this person (or another catfish tried to contact her I can’t remember),Janelle even tried to give her somewhat of an out and say to Meri something like but you didn’t want that “the catfish’s attention” and Meri was like no, I did. It felt good or flattering or something of the sort.  I’m not sure if this was after Meri knew about the tapes so figured why bother lying or if she was like maybe they’ll realized Kody ignoring me (like he does everyone but Robyn helped lead me here).  I think if maybe Meri had been nicer to Janelle and Christine back in the day they might have at least tried to side with her.  I still don’t think Kody would have forgiven her.  I don’t even think he would have forgiven Robyn if she had done it and there tapes and pictures.  I just don’t think he can allow his ego to think the women want anyone but him.  I guess you don’t have to put the work either or at least it is easier when you have 3 other wives to boost your ego.  I guess Kody only want people to have his hArmones.

On a side I think people said he told Aspen to give Truely LIV water when she was sick, but they made Ysabel wear some odd PVC pipe contraption to help with her scoliosis. I never saw the original Truely episodes I don’t think, but do remember Ysabel having to use that contraption for hours. I get surgery is not everyone’s first choice, but the pvc thing was weird.  If they wanted something non invasive I would have thought they would have had her try yoga.

Edited April 14, 2021 by Irate Panda

[monagatuna]

3 hours ago, Irate Panda said:

I just Googled  Meri Brown Catfish phone calls.  I only listened to a few seconds of one. It wasn’t rowdy, but I wasn’t expecting all the gushing and “I love yous”.  I guess the others were more than that.  As far as I know they never played anything on air, in fact, half the adults acted like they didn’t even know what a catfish was.  IIRC Janelle said this person (or another catfish tried to contact her I can’t remember),Janelle even tried to give her somewhat of an out and say to Meri something like but you didn’t want that “the catfish’s attention” and Meri was like no, I did. It felt good or flattering or something of the sort.  I’m not sure if this was after Meri knew about the tapes so figured why bother lying or if she was like maybe they’ll realized Kody ignoring me (like he does everyone but Robyn helped lead me here).  I think if maybe Meri had been nicer to Janelle and Christine back in the day they might have at least tried to side with her.  I still don’t think Kody would have forgiven her.  I don’t even think he would have forgiven Robyn if she had done it and there tapes and pictures.  I just don’t think he can allow his ego to think the women want anyone but him.  I guess you don’t have to put the work either or at least it is easier when you have 3 other wives to boost your ego.  I guess Kody only want people to have his hArmones.

On a side I think people said he told Aspen to give Truely LIV water when she was sick, but they made Ysabel wear some odd PVC pipe contraption to help with her scoliosis. I never saw the original Truely episodes I don’t think, but do remember Ysabel having to use that contraption for hours. I get surgery is not everyone’s first choice, but the pvc thing was weird.  If they wanted something non invasive I would have thought they would have had her try yoga.

This was a very informative post. But for the bolded part--oh no, not yoga! I could see the Browns thinking along the same lines as those other religious weirdos in Alabama who think doing yoga will automatically turn you Hindu, or something.

I jest, but honestly I do think they would probably find yoga too new-agey and turn their nose up at it. Except Janelle, who would find some kind of rockstar pose and never do it.

[deirdra]

4 hours ago, Irate Panda said:

On a side I think people said he told Aspen to give Truely LIV water when she was sick, but they made Ysabel wear some odd PVC pipe contraption to help with her scoliosis. I never saw the original Truely episodes I don’t think, but do remember Ysabel having to use that contraption for hours. I get surgery is not everyone’s first choice, but the pvc thing was weird.  If they wanted something non invasive I would have thought they would have had her try yoga.

The worst scenes were when Ysabel's curvature was increasing and Kootie implied it was all her fault for not doing enough exercises, even though the doctor said that the plumbing pipes could only slow, not stop the progression.

[TurtlePower]

On 4/13/2021 at 6:05 PM, absolutelyido said:

 On the other hand, Kody fell in love with 3 other women while married to Meri and she was expected to live with that.

But the difference is that Meri signed up for that. She knew what she was getting into and claims to have wanted that to be her lifestyle and religion. 

[Sandy W]

3 minutes ago, TurtlePower said:

But the difference is that Meri signed up for that. She knew what she was getting into and claims to have wanted that to be her lifestyle and religion. 

...and, if she really didn't want that in her heart, then Kody was right when he alluded to Meri marrying him under false pretenses.

[laurakaye]

18 minutes ago, Sandy W said:

...and, if she really didn't want that in her heart, then Kody was right when he alluded to Meri marrying him under false pretenses.

The eternal question that will probably never be answered - did Meri lie to Kody when she said she was cool with polygamy?  I think that perhaps while she was okay with it at first, Kody hooking up with her brother's ex-wife and then trying to marry her on Meri's birthday may have sullied the dream just a bit.

[Sandy W]

4 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

The eternal question that will probably never be answered - did Meri lie to Kody when she said she was cool with polygamy?  I think that perhaps while she was okay with it at first, Kody hooking up with her brother's ex-wife and then trying to marry her on Meri's birthday may have sullied the dream just a bit.

I totally agree, hooking up with Meri's ex SIL was wrong on all counts and the "courtship" apparently happened without Meri's knowledge.  However, she must have known of the impending marriage for at least a day prior and the time to take a stance was then.  At that point she could have said...No Way, its her or me...and I think Kody was legitimately so in love with Meri at that point, that even the prospect of Janelle's steady income would not have been enough to make him carry out the plan.

If he stood his ground and intended to marry Janelle despite Meri's feelings, that should have indicated to Meri just how little value he placed on her emotions. The fact that the courtship was conducted behind Meri's back gives credence to the idea that they knew this would be disturbing to Meri, but Meri once again took refuge behind her "walls" and harbored bitterness and resentment, making life miserable for all parties.

[WhatAmIWatching]

Are any of Meri's behaviors learned from her childhood when her parents were practicing polygamy? I wonder if she's repeating what she saw modeled, or if playing the victim (but vehemently denying it) worked well for her during younger years, to get her needs/wants met.

Did her mom leave polygamy? If yes, is it known why she did?
I also wonder if Christine's mom still lives with Christine and why she left polygamy? It looks to me like their retirement plans might be moving in with their grown children. 🙄 

[NoWhammies]

Meri comes from a culture that highly devalues girls and women, making them second class citizens who, by God's commandment, must "follow" where men lead. It is, by it is very nature, highly patriarchal with God being the main patriarch. She was taught that if a problem exists in a marital relationship, it is ALWAYS because the woman isn't doing what God requires - so marital issues are always Meri's failing in her mind.

Therefore, Meri has been trained and conditioned her entire life to subjugate her own personal will to those of God and the men in her life. In such systems, the disempowered seek other ways of finding power. I see this in Meri's every action and word. She is driven by her conditioning, and in her world-view, her only source of power comes from "claiming it" in ways that may not seem to be super empowered to people not raised in a similar situation.

Thus, her aggressive nature, her waffling ("I don't know what I want") and attempts to assert control over the family dynamic in various ways (such as claiming ownership of and responsibility for Kody's subsequent marriages), up to and including sacrificing her marriage so Kody could marry Robyn, are the only ways she feels safe claiming any power. Meri is deeply programmed and a product of that programming. Her programming from the moment of her birth caused her to be wired differently than someone who was not programmed in similar ways. She is a result of nurture more than nature. 

[Tuxcat]

1 hour ago, NoWhammies said:

Meri comes from a culture that highly devalues girls and women, making them second class citizens who, by God's commandment, must "follow" where men lead. It is, by it is very nature, highly patriarchal with God being the main patriarch. She was taught that if a problem exists in a marital relationship, it is ALWAYS because the woman isn't doing what God requires - so marital issues are always Meri's failing in her mind.

Therefore, Meri has been trained and conditioned her entire life to subjugate her own personal will to those of God and the men in her life. In such systems, the disempowered seek other ways of finding power. I see this in Meri's every action and word. She is driven by her conditioning, and in her world-view, her only source of power comes from "claiming it" in ways that may not seem to be super empowered to people not raised in a similar situation.

Thus, her aggressive nature, her waffling ("I don't know what I want") and attempts to assert control over the family dynamic in various ways (such as claiming ownership of and responsibility for Kody's subsequent marriages), up to and including sacrificing her marriage so Kody could marry Robyn, are the only ways she feels safe claiming any power. Meri is deeply programmed and a product of that programming. Her programming from the moment of her birth caused her to be wired differently than someone who was not programmed in similar ways. She is a result of nurture more than nature. 

Brilliant analysis. I don't think we can effectively argue for or against Meri's behavior without this context in place. She was 19 when she married Kody. There is absolutely zero chance that she fully understood her conditioning. Of course she claimed that she wanted polygamy. What 19 year old knows whats truly in their heart when they had never been exposed to alternative possibilities. 

Now at age 50? I would expect that she's still wrestling with these issues given that she's seen the world more. I am guessing that she really does not value polygamy at this point and is just here for the show.

It's  VERY interesting that Mariah was soooo ultra conservative in the early seasons. Desperate to be a sister wife herself - wanting lots of kids - warning the family against sex drugs and alcohol. Feeling powerless and overreacting to so many situations. To me she was reflection of how Meri was raised. Then as Meri struggled more and more in wrestling with her own independence, she pushed for Mariah to have opportunities that she didn't have (college, career et cetera...).

Edited April 15, 2021 by Tuxcat

[WhatAmIWatching]

1 hour ago, NoWhammies said:

Meri comes from a culture that highly devalues girls and women, making them second class citizens who, by God's commandment, must "follow" where men lead. It is, by it is very nature, highly patriarchal with God being the main patriarch. She was taught that if a problem exists in a marital relationship, it is ALWAYS because the woman isn't doing what God requires - so marital issues are always Meri's failing in her mind.

Therefore, Meri has been trained and conditioned her entire life to subjugate her own personal will to those of God and the men in her life. In such systems, the disempowered seek other ways of finding power. I see this in Meri's every action and word. She is driven by her conditioning, and in her world-view, her only source of power comes from "claiming it" in ways that may not seem to be super empowered to people not raised in a similar situation.

Thus, her aggressive nature, her waffling ("I don't know what I want") and attempts to assert control over the family dynamic in various ways (such as claiming ownership of and responsibility for Kody's subsequent marriages), up to and including sacrificing her marriage so Kody could marry Robyn, are the only ways she feels safe claiming any power. Meri is deeply programmed and a product of that programming. Her programming from the moment of her birth caused her to be wired differently than someone who was not programmed in similar ways. She is a result of nurture more than nature. 

Thank you so much! It makes me sad to read that, and I wonder what she would have been like if she'd been able to go off to college, away from her family, and have her world view challenged. 
(At 19, I didn't know who I was, yet also knew everything lol. I'm glad I didn't choose something as large as a marriage or kids until later on. I wasn't responsible enough to handle anything of the sort at that age.)

What you wrote reminds me of when I worked with a woman who was the pickiest of nit-pickers, and tried taking charge of every single thing that had nothing to do with her. I found out much later, that her husband was a super controlling person. In hindsight, I see her grasping control over minutiae at work as a response to being controlled at home. I have compassion now, but at the time I was annoyed and couldn't stand her always trying to control how I did my work, instead of focusing on her own.

 

I also have to question all the therapy they've had. It seems a lot of Meri's baggage could've been worked on, with the guidance of a good therapist, to help her figure out exactly what her deep down self is trying to tell her, and bring what she really wants to light and move forward from there. (Unless, of course, she's never put her infamous walls down far enough for a therapist to get at the meaty stuff.)

[NoWhammies]

17 minutes ago, WhatAmIWatching said:

Thank you so much! It makes me sad to read that, and I wonder what she would have been like if she'd been able to go off to college, away from her family, and have her world view challenged. 
(At 19, I didn't know who I was, yet also knew everything lol. I'm glad I didn't choose something as large as a marriage or kids until later on. I wasn't responsible enough to handle anything of the sort at that age.)

What you wrote reminds me of when I worked with a woman who was the pickiest of nit-pickers, and tried taking charge of every single thing that had nothing to do with her. I found out much later, that her husband was a super controlling person. In hindsight, I see her grasping control over minutiae at work as a response to being controlled at home. I have compassion now, but at the time I was annoyed and couldn't stand her always trying to control how I did my work, instead of focusing on her own.

 

I also have to question all the therapy they've had. It seems a lot of Meri's baggage could've been worked on, with the guidance of a good therapist, to help her figure out exactly what her deep down self is trying to tell her, and bring what she really wants to light and move forward from there. (Unless, of course, she's never put her infamous walls down far enough for a therapist to get at the meaty stuff.)

Just because context can help people understand Meri doesn't make her behavior any less annoying. I suspect their therapist wasn't a good match for the family, and therapy only works on people who are willing to do the work. 

[WhatAmIWatching]

Oh I agree! She annoys the crap out of me almost every scene she's in! I would've laid some home truths on her many seasons ago, and called her out on her pass-agg bs each time. Which is prob why I wouldn't be allowed in their family. (Though I do enjoy some of her snarky comments recently, and hope she keeps that up.)

Wait, work?! The word/action to which they all seem to be allergic? 'Job' must be as scary as 'monogamy' to them 😝 

[ErikaAlyson]

I agree with a few other posters that Kody was expecting Meri to pursue him just like she did Sam lol. Maybe Meri should treat Kody like how Janelle does or used to. Like fangirl him in private haha. Kody seems like one of those people who needs validation. Even if he says their over I'm sure he just loves her attention and wanting him. Meri should do it in private lol but Robyn is always around. If that didn't work or doesn't work then I think Meri should look into buying a young guy like Andrienne Maloof lol. Meri has a huge house and tons of money. She could have a cute young boy toy in no time like Carol from RhoNY haha.

Edited April 16, 2021 by ErikaAlyson

[Sandy W]

6 hours ago, ErikaAlyson said:

 Meri should look into buying a young guy like Andrienne Maloof lol. Meri has a huge house and tons of money. She could have a cute young boy toy in no time like Carol from RhoNY haha.

Maybe she should watch 90 Day Fiance, especially pay attention to Michael and Angela.  When he realized that Angela was past her child-bearing years, he and his family thought it would be the best idea for him to become polygamous and take another wife.

[Pickleinthemiddle]

23 hours ago, WhatAmIWatching said:

(Unless, of course, she's never put her infamous walls down far enough for a therapist to get at the meaty stuff.)

I'm sure Nancy has probably given all of them what for.  Agree.in that most therapists would tell them unless you are going to do what I ask of you, don't waste your time or mine.

[ginger90]

[MargeGunderson]

10 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

Meri, whoever wrote that was giving you the benefit of the doubt that you aren’t entirely pathetic. They were apparently wrong. Even if Kody took you back tomorrow, you will always be the sad woman who had to grovel to get Kody Brown back, and he will still be the asshole that wanted you to grovel for his scraps of attention. 

[Tuxcat]

30 minutes ago, ginger90 said:

I always find it strange when these "reality stars" respond to questions and concerns with "you don't know me or my situation." Because the premise of reality television is that we, the audience, are supposed to know the situation. Thats what the show is for.  For them to argue that we don't, invalidates their entire show. 

Now of course I know that reality tv is largely contrived - but for them to use "you don't know my situation" as a defense is honestly maddening. Kody on twitter has been so mad this season at people who comment on his relationships. He has the same come back "you don't know - none of your business."  Okay, then is he admitting the show is fake?