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Small Talk: The Polygamous Cul-de-Sac


Message added by Scarlett45

 I  understand the fear, concern, heartbreak, and stress in this current situation. I ask that we please remember the politics policy. Keep politics, political references, and political figures (past and present) out of the discussion.

Stay safe and healthy. 

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14 minutes ago, Meowwww said:

So question.  Will you all wear masks when it’s no longer required?
I will when traveling.   Every trip I get a horrible cold or flu, every time.  
I used to get three colds a year.  Bad ones.  This year?  None.  Masks really help.  

I'm not even thinking that far ahead yet.  I'm pretty sure masks will be required where I live for quite some time, and even when they're not I will likely continue to wear them in situations where I might encounter unvaccinated people.  Until the Covid rate is seriously way down I'm not taking any chances until they know more about just how much vaccination protects people, especially older people since there are so many articles out there about the vaccine possibly not being as effective in overweight people and those over 65.  Even though I'm 62 my husband is 65.  Plus they don't even know how long they last yet before a booster is needed.

I used to get a lot of colds and flus myself when I worked in an office and especially when I traveled by air and went to gyms.  Since I stopped doing all of those things at least 5 years ago I have only gotten sick twice - One of those when my husband caught something from a passenger in 2019 that looking back on it bore a striking resemblance to Covid.

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I just wanted to post an update that the closing on my father's apartment is next Tuesday.  I can hardly believe it's almost been a year since his death.  He died on April 4th of 2020.  I am starting to think ahead to having a gathering of his closest friends when the weather gets warmer and we can maybe go to his favorite diner and eat outside on their makeshift patio.  By then we should all be double vaccinated and hopefully the Covid numbers will cooperate and go way down so we feel even better about it.  I don't want to do anything too formal like a church service since none of us has seen each other in over a year and we need the intimacy of just being able to talk and share our memories of him together.  I decided against doing one of those online zoom memorials (which I have actually witnessed first hand when one of my husband's cousins died last year) because I just know my father would not have preferred it.  In pre-Covid times I think he might have liked a church service but I know he would understand how that doesn't feel quite right for us now.

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8 hours ago, Yeah No said:

 In pre-Covid times I think he might have liked a church service but I know he would understand how that doesn't feel quite right for us now.

I like to think that our loved ones would be understanding of these bizarre and unsettled times and would completely agree with any decisions that would keep people safe.  Funerals, in my opinion, are for the survivors and it sounds like a loving group discussing your dad in a safe and pleasant setting would be lovely.

9 hours ago, Meowwww said:

So question.  Will you all wear masks when it’s no longer required?

I know I will.  First of all, being an older-than-dirt individual, I can't be too careful.  Rates of flu and colds have plummeted this year which is good evidence that mask wearing is good for more than just Covid prevention.  Now that I'm vaccinated I've ventured into a fabric store (just after opening with very few people around) to stock up on material to make masks for all seasons with spring and summer prints.  May as well have fun if we have to wear them!

Did my tenth (since January) mass vax clinic yesterday and we did over 750.  It's heartening to see that there are so many younger people eager to be jabbed since our governor lowered the age to anyone over 50.  People are so excited and optimistic when they come in and that makes me so much more optimistic myself.  We will never get back to "normal" (whatever that will be) until we get more and more people onboard with this.  Our health department covers four counties and people sometimes need to drive an hour to get to the site but, by George, they are coming even in bad weather.  Color me happy!

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I ordered a $.99 kindle version of a book written by a woman whose 91-year-old father disappeared after allegedly walking away from his home in rural Connecticut while watching TV with a visiting caregiver. 

"I gotta get going."

He weighed 125 pounds and had dementia and impaired walking ability. (He had a stiff leg and would get short of breath halfway through the 7-minute walk to his mailbox).

"I didn't know I should follow him outside."

Someone living 1.5 miles away saw a man walking down the road with difficulty, stepping with one leg and dragging the other. He described the clothing but (after spending the afternoon with him and serving him dinner) the caregiver couldn't remember what Mr Drew was wearing!

At one point the daughter who was complaining about the half-assed investigation was charged by police with trespassing in her father's home!

The book is called Searching For My Missing Father: An Anerican Noir.

https://archives.rep-am.com/2011/07/24/the-mystery-of-tom-drew/

My dad lived with me for the last two years of his life and he had Parkinson's and dementia.

One morning (when he was 91) he left the house while I was taking a quick shower after breakfast. He stood in the street and flagged passing cars, reporting that he was being held prisoner.

My best guess is that he left the house when I told him I was stepping into the shower and was outside for 10 minutes.

The police came, of course, and there we were, my dad and I standing in the street in our bathrobes, my hair still dripping water.

I can't imagine him going missing, and never finding out what happened to him.

Edited by suomi
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On 3/19/2021 at 2:14 PM, suomi said:

My dad lived with me for the last two years of his life and he had Parkinson's and dementia.

One morning (when he was 91) he left the house while I was taking a quick shower after breakfast. He stood in the street and flagged passing cars, reporting that he was being held prisoner.

My best guess is that he left the house when I told him I was stepping into the shower and was outside for 10 minutes.

The police came, of course, and there we were, my dad and I standing in the street in our bathrobes, my hair still dripping water.

I can't imagine him going missing, and never finding out what happened to him.

Wow, that must have been rough on you.  When my Dad was 90 he came to live with me for 2 months while the elevator in his building was being replaced.  Living on the 6th floor there was no way he could deal with no elevator.  He didn't have dementia but he was far from self sufficient because everything was all new and different and his friend/helper wasn't around either.  I was actually shocked at how much he was hiding from us living so far away.  It was very difficult to get him to take a shower.  I bought him a shower chair and helped him in and out (looking away when he took off his robe) but it was all we could do to convince him he needed to bathe and wear Depends.  Plus he had a leg condition that he wasn't taking care of despite telling me he had been to the doctor about it (he lied).  I never knew my father to lie to me in my entire life.  He was not acting like himself in the last few years of his life.  I understood that he was not comfortable being away from home and did my best to make him feel good but he was in many ways a handful and a full time job.  He could tell you exactly what was going on in current events but then act like a stubborn teenager. 

He was definitely not the same person.  Up until very recently before this he was always Mr. Responsible and would never lie or neglect his doctor appointments or personal hygiene.  I did read that this kind of behavior was not that uncommon in people of his age, it just was a shock to me and my husband because he hid it so well from us from a 100 miles away.  Whenever we would visit him in NY he was always clean and acting responsible.  It's when he lived with us that we saw it.  It was a shock and traumatic for us.  After he went back home I tried to make sure his helper would keep after him to go to his doctor appointments and bathe but she was only partially successful because he would get very stubborn and find ways to thwart her at every turn.  She would trick him and take him to the doctor but after a while he got wise to that and would find ways out of it.  That's how he ended up in the hospital with an infected leg in early 2020 and then needed nursing care at home, which brought him Covid.  We all did the best we could with him but he was determined to avoid the very things he needed most of all.  

I remember a story he used to tell me that his mother told him about his great grandfather - the police found him out roaming around the NY streets in his bathrobe when he was in his mid 80s.  He was missing for one entire day and the family was very worried about him.  Because my father technically didn't have dementia or Alzheimer's I never had to live through that nightmare but had my own to deal with.  He had a touch of something that made him regress emotionally, I think.  It might have been partial dementia or Alzheimer's but I've never found anything written online that matched what he had.

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On 3/19/2021 at 1:48 AM, Yeah No said:

I just wanted to post an update that the closing on my father's apartment is next Tuesday.  I can hardly believe it's almost been a year since his death.  He died on April 4th of 2020.  I am starting to think ahead to having a gathering of his closest friends when the weather gets warmer and we can maybe go to his favorite diner and eat outside on their makeshift patio.  By then we should all be double vaccinated and hopefully the Covid numbers will cooperate and go way down so we feel even better about it.  I don't want to do anything too formal like a church service since none of us has seen each other in over a year and we need the intimacy of just being able to talk and share our memories of him together.  I decided against doing one of those online zoom memorials (which I have actually witnessed first hand when one of my husband's cousins died last year) because I just know my father would not have preferred it.  In pre-Covid times I think he might have liked a church service but I know he would understand how that doesn't feel quite right for us now.

My mom and her dad were born on April 4th. They loved sharing a birthday. 
 

I will try to go to the cemetery on 4/4/21. It’s Sunday and Easter. I hope our beloved loved ones keep us safe. Virtual hugs 🤗.

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16 minutes ago, iwantcookies said:

My mom and her dad were born on April 4th. They loved sharing a birthday. 
 

I will try to go to the cemetery on 4/4/21. It’s Sunday and Easter. I hope our beloved loved ones keep us safe. Virtual hugs 🤗.

I still have both my parents' ashes at home with me.  Eventually I want to have them buried together in a military cemetery since both of them were WWII veterans and I know my father in particular wanted that.  Right now, though, having them near me brings me comfort.  

My father used to say about my mother that she was born on Flag Day, was married on May Day and died on D Day.  My father was born on Sept. 2nd which was the day that later in 1945 the Japanese surrendered in WWII.  His date of death on April 4th was the date Dr. Martin Luther King died 52 years before.  I remember that day well because my grandmother was all set to move to a new apartment in the Bronx when there was a sudden mover's strike.  She had been interviewed by a film crew about her situation and we were all set to watch her on the evening news but it never aired because of the news about King's death.

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I brought this over here because of how hard I just laughed. @NoWhammies, I’ve been reading your handle as “Now, Hammies!” in my head. Sitting here, mulling it over, my husband says “what’s wrong?” I reply “wtf does now hammies mean?!” He looks at my phone, takes a really deep breath and says “you’re queen of game shows and you can’t recognize NO WHAMMIES?!”

The shaaaaaaaaame.

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12 minutes ago, Enya Face said:

I brought this over here because of how hard I just laughed. @NoWhammies, I’ve been reading your handle as “Now, Hammies!” in my head. Sitting here, mulling it over, my husband says “what’s wrong?” I reply “wtf does now hammies mean?!” He looks at my phone, takes a really deep breath and says “you’re queen of game shows and you can’t recognize NO WHAMMIES?!”

The shaaaaaaaaame.

LOL. I've used No Whammies for years and I've heard that many times. I used to love Press Your Luck - Big bucks, no whammies! I used to just use Whammies, but someone pointed out to me back in the early days of the internet that Whammies could be taken in other ways, and I might get some messages I didn't want to receive. 

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@Yeah No, any updates on your dad's apartment?

Don't know how many have gotten vaccinated but personally it's been quite a liberating feeling to know I'm covered. I haven't changed anything much but psychologically it's just such a feeling of relief.  Michigan is now surging and second in the nation for new cases so I'll continue staying pretty much locked down except when I work the mass vax clinics.  But somehow the Shadow of Doom isn't over my shoulder all of the time!

Edited by Cetacean
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48 minutes ago, Cetacean said:

Yeah No, any updates on your dad's apartment?

Don't know how many have gotten vaccinated but personally it's been quite a liberating feeling to know I'm covered. I haven't changed anything much but psychologically it's just such a feeling of relief.  Michigan is now surging and second in the nation for new cases so I'll continue staying pretty much locked down except when I work the mass vax clinics.  But somehow the Shadow of Doom isn't over my shoulder all of the time!

Same here.  I plan to make postponed medical, dental, and optometric appointments very soon.  My state (WA) is apparently surging, too, and I'm happy that the over-16's will be able to get vaccinated May 1st.  I may even feel (fill!) ready to grocery shop inside a store, once that's underway.  Of course, I'll still be masked and keep a distance, for the foreseeable future.  No inside restaurant dining until?  Probably 2022?

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Well...my state of Michigan is surging again.  Bad numbers, like second highest in the country bad.  And our neighbor to the south - Indiana - is losing their mask mandates on April 6.

I don't see this as a good plan but what do I know.......

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37 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

Well...my state of Michigan is surging again.  Bad numbers, like second highest in the country bad.  And our neighbor to the south - Indiana - is losing their mask mandates on April 6.

I don't see this as a good plan but what do I know.......

Mostly, it puts the people who have to serve the maskless at risk...servers, grocery and retail employees, etc...

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59 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

I don't see this as a good plan but what do I know.......

Obviously you have more common sense than the idiots who are taking off all of the restrictions.  We are in for another huge wave with the possible positive outcome for the most vulnerable seniors who have been vaccinated.  Numbers for the elderly in both cases and hospitalizations have dropped consistently since the rollout.  

23 minutes ago, NoWhammies said:

Mostly, it puts the people who have to serve the maskless at risk...servers, grocery and retail employees, etc...

It's just criminal that people care not a wit about killing someone.  I don't understand that kind of thinking.  I could never live with myself if I knew I had harmed another person because "it's all about me". 

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1 minute ago, Cetacean said:

Obviously you have more common sense than the idiots who are taking off all of the restrictions.  We are in for another huge wave with the possible positive outcome for the most vulnerable seniors who have been vaccinated.  Numbers for the elderly in both cases and hospitalizations have dropped consistently since the rollout.  

It's just criminal that people care not a wit about killing someone.  I don't understand that kind of thinking.  I could never live with myself if I knew I had harmed another person because "it's all about me". 

Yup. With a grocery worker son who did everything "right" and still got Covid because people either couldn't be bothered to mask or who took off their masks when they got in the store, I'm fighting not feeling furious all the time. I actually ran into someone I know at the grocery store who had a "bling" mask. I said, "Oh look! Your mask is so blingy!" and she was super proud that it was a fake mask - just so she wouldn't get in trouble - it protected nothing. 

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19 hours ago, Cetacean said:

@Yeah No, any updates on your dad's apartment?

Don't know how many have gotten vaccinated but personally it's been quite a liberating feeling to know I'm covered. I haven't changed anything much but psychologically it's just such a feeling of relief.  Michigan is now surging and second in the nation for new cases so I'll continue staying pretty much locked down except when I work the mass vax clinics.  But somehow the Shadow of Doom isn't over my shoulder all of the time!

Yes, the closing happened, the money is in the bank and I'm opening an investment account for it.  I am shocked and grateful that my husband and I will be OK in retirement as I didn't really know if we were going to have enough to last us.  According to the financial advisor we'll be OK.  So I am feeling relieved about that.

But of course life is always finding new ways to throw us curve balls, which is one reason I've been quiet lately.  It's funny, I was just thinking about how all of you here were taking the rising Covid numbers and relaxing of restrictions.  Although CT will keep the mask mandate we've gone to zero capacity restrictions and that's another source of aggravation.  Plus I'm still kind of worried about how much the vaccines will protect us from the Covidiots out there, despite all the news lately about how well they work.  But on the bright side, we get our second Moderna shots tomorrow, YAY!

But the Covid situation is not the only curve ball.  Yes, it's disconcerting that just when we thought the numbers would start going down, they're instead going up and restrictions are being loosened despite the warnings from the experts.  That's curve ball number one.  But even worse was the curve ball my husband's new boss, Mr. Moneybags threw him only a week into the job as his personal driver.  Suddenly he got a bug in his head that having us live closer to him was a good idea since we live about an hour away from him.  My husband has been driving him for almost a decade anyway and the distance was never an issue, but I suppose Mr. Moneybags is looking to be able to decide on a moment's notice to go somewhere and not have to wait for my husband to get there.  So he started to try to sell us on the idea of moving to Westport, the uber-rich town he lives in.  The idea would be that he would buy a house and rent it to us at a price we could afford.  I know, he's a saint for doing that but he also would be looking at it as an investment property since the prices in Fairfield County have been going way up since the pandemic as people flee NYC for greener pastures.  So he started sending us listings for little older houses in town, which you would THINK would be a little more affordable, but "more affordable" in Westport these days means the house still costs upward of $1,000,000!!!  Of course to Mr. Moneybags this is cheap, LOL.  And he would have no problem maintaining the property and renting it to us for a reasonable rent that we could afford.  

Dream come true, right?  Uhhhhhh.....not so sure about that.  We just came through the worst year of our lives and at our age the idea of jumping and packing our bags to move somewhere an hour away at a moment's notice is overwhelming.  We used to live in Norwalk, which borders Westport 25 years ago but we have grown used to the "kinder, gentler" nature of the area we live in now.  If our present house were in Westport would cost over a million dollars too, plus we have an acre of property with nice privacy and woods all around, and you'd have to pay more to get that down there.  The disparity in prices between Fairfield and this area has never been greater and it's all because of NYC.  When we first moved to Fairfield County it was a bargain compared to the NYC suburb of Westchester County.  Not so much anymore.  Plus the character of the place has changed since we moved away.  It's more built-in and as the New Yorkers have moved in it's gotten a little more like the New York suburbs.  Which isn't a bad thing, after all I am a New Yorker originally myself, but I've been living up here in the Hartford area for 20 years now, so I'm not used to it anymore.  Plus everything is more expensive down there, even little things.  These things concern you as you ease into your retirement years.  My husband's salary wouldn't go as far down there.  So all things considered, we're not into the idea of moving down there.

Of course, the pressure from Mr. Moneybags so soon into starting the job was killing us.  No one wants to say "no" to their new boss a week into the job, especially when he makes such an incredible offer, but he did spring this on us after the fact and we were not prepared for it.  We ended up having a 3 way conference call with him last week where we laid it on the line for him that we're just not up to moving right now, and of course he was very understanding and said he would put it out of his mind.  He has been true to his word, as he always is.  Of course both of us are wishing we felt differently - who in their right mind would want to pass up an offer like that?  This house is small, the storage is too limited, so it's not like there are no issues here.  If we could find a more comfortable place to live with more storage space and a bigger kitchen it would be nice.  Maybe if my Dad were still alive I would have jumped at the chance to be an hour closer to him.  And it would be nice to live closer to my friends in NY.  But right now neither of us can handle thinking about moving.  A big part of it is the pandemic.  We are depressed.  I suppose Mr. Moneybags lives in an alternate reality where these things are as easy as wiggling his nose like Samantha on "Bewitched",  but at least he understands that it's not like that for the rest of us.  He really is a mensch!

So anyway, I am still recovering from the emotional upheaval of last week.  I told my therapist, "Who has a life like this?  I'm beginning to wonder if you think I make this stuff up!"  LOL  😉🤷‍♂️

 

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I am so looking forward to the inevitable conversations with family who tell me that since our numbers are rising anyway, it proves that we don't need masks or social distancing or vaccines.  I can't wait, I do confrontation SO well (insert heavy, heavy sarcasm here).

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3 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

I am so looking forward to the inevitable conversations with family who tell me that since our numbers are rising anyway, it proves that we don't need masks or social distancing or vaccines.  I can't wait, I do confrontation SO well (insert heavy, heavy sarcasm here).

I hear you.  But try and point out the drop in nursing home cases and deaths and they blow it off.  Then rise is in the 20-40 group that are prime mask-defiers and they blow it off.  It's just a no win situation. I have to restrain myself from hitting someone upside the head that's running around unmasked. Not that I don't mutter profanities under my breath.

We have decided our volunteer group just cannot work at our lighthouse this year even if it opens. Apart from social distancing being impossible, we (as volunteers) don't want to deal with morons who refuse to follow a mask mandate and this is big Michigan Militia country so I have no desire to get shot over it.  So sadly, those who follow the rules are punished.

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8 minutes ago, Cetacean said:

I hear you.  But try and point out the drop in nursing home cases and deaths and they blow it off.  Then rise is in the 20-40 group that are prime mask-defiers and they blow it off.  It's just a no win situation. I have to restrain myself from hitting someone upside the head that's running around unmasked. Not that I don't mutter profanities under my breath.

We have decided our volunteer group just cannot work at our lighthouse this year even if it opens. Apart from social distancing being impossible, we (as volunteers) don't want to deal with morons who refuse to follow a mask mandate and this is big Michigan Militia country so I have no desire to get shot over it.  So sadly, those who follow the rules are punished.

I love your screen name. ❤️ Cetaceans are my favorite creatures. Like 'em better than humans. 

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14 minutes ago, NoWhammies said:

Cetaceans are my favorite creatures. Like 'em better than humans. 

Ditto!  I have been part of research teams for both humpbacks (Hawai'i, Alaska, and Stellwagen Bank, MA) and orcas (Johnstone Strait, BC).  Can't get enough of them!  I was supposed to go to AK last July but, well, you know.  Hopefully 2022.

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(edited)
On 3/30/2021 at 2:05 PM, Cetacean said:

We have decided our volunteer group just cannot work at our lighthouse this year even if it opens. Apart from social distancing being impossible, we (as volunteers) don't want to deal with morons who refuse to follow a mask mandate and this is big Michigan Militia country so I have no desire to get shot over it.  So sadly, those who follow the rules are punished.

You're up north, right - or the thumb area? (I forgot).  I see the numbers are quite high there but given the population, it sadly makes sense.  The problem is that now the entire state is bad again.  Proof positive that a few stupid morons can make a huge negative difference.  I don't think they understand yet that a virus doesn't care how you voted.

Stay safe - Michigan (and all of us) will get through this!

Edited by laurakaye
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7 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

You're up north, right - or the thumb area?

Yep, Tawas.  Huron County in the Thumb is the worst but I have heard (granted this is hearsay) that they were 1) woefully unprepared for vaccination their citizens, 2) have a huge area and a small health department and, 3) it's rural, anti-vax, anti-masks country.  A fatal combination.  There are a few little hospitals in the area, most of their patients go to Saginaw.  

You are right, it's a mess.  My area is bad enough with redneck morons but at least we've had a strong turnout at our mass vax clinics especially among our seniors. I find that promising to a point.  But they just had to close down Oscoda HS because a big spread of the variant.  And go to any store in the area and you'll see half the clueless strutting around without masks.  It's all I can do not to smack them upside the head.

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On 3/30/2021 at 10:51 AM, NoWhammies said:

Yup. With a grocery worker son who did everything "right" and still got Covid because people either couldn't be bothered to mask or who took off their masks when they got in the store, I'm fighting not feeling furious all the time. I actually ran into someone I know at the grocery store who had a "bling" mask. I said, "Oh look! Your mask is so blingy!" and she was super proud that it was a fake mask - just so she wouldn't get in trouble - it protected nothing. 

My friend's husband works in a restaurant in Houston. He got infected from one of these people. His wife caught it from him before they knew of the exposure. They were very sick - she longer than he. Their daughter is 4 (mom is homeschooling her for the duration). Thankfully, they've recovered - but who knows about long-haul symptoms?

I'm fully vaccinated - next Friday it will be two weeks since my 2nd shot. I plan to continue wearing a double mask indefinitely, with a face shield for any indoor shopping/shared laundry area. I live in NYC.

The additional, potentially devastating problem is that the surges give the virus more and more chances to mutate - thus increasing the chances of vaccine-resistant mutations. The virus is smarter than some humans. It's a race against time.

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(edited)
On 3/30/2021 at 11:44 AM, Yeah No said:

No one wants to say "no" to their new boss a week into the job, especially when he makes such an incredible offer, but he did spring this on us after the fact and we were not prepared for it.  We ended up having a 3 way conference call with him last week where we laid it on the line for him that we're just not up to moving right now, and of course he was very understanding and said he would put it out of his mind.  He has been true to his word, as he always is.  Of course both of us are wishing we felt differently - who in their right mind would want to pass up an offer like that

To me, this is too much to ask. I'm assuming you own your house. What are you supposed to do -- sell it? What if you rent from Mr. Moneybags and something happens to him? (He loses his fortune/decides to move to Albania/dies etc.) Then you have no place to live. I think most people in their right mind would pass up "an offer like that." It sounds super risky. Plus, as you said, you have an acre of land and so forth. I'm glad he was willing to take this offer off the table. Good for you two for putting your feet down.

I've been watching a lot of "The Office" and this "offer" sounds like something Michael Scott would do.

Congratulations on your closing! I'm so happy for you that you got all that squared away - finally! A happy result in a tumultuous world. I'm sure it's a huge relief (even though it's sad too).

Edited by Teafortwo
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(edited)
3 hours ago, Teafortwo said:

To me, this is too much to ask. I'm assuming you own your house. What are you supposed to do -- sell it? What if you rent from Mr. Moneybags and something happens to him? (He loses his fortune/decides to move to Albania/dies etc.) Then you have no place to live. I think most people in their right mind would pass up "an offer like that." It sounds super risky. Plus, as you said, you have an acre of land and so forth. I'm glad he was willing to take this offer off the table. Good for you two for putting your feet down.

I've been watching a lot of "The Office" and this "offer" sounds like something Michael Scott would do.

Congratulations on your closing! I'm so happy for you that you got all that squared away - finally! A happy result in a tumultuous world. I'm sure it's a huge relief (even though it's sad too).

Thanks, Tea!  And you're right, it was too much to ask and too risky for us.  We talked about all those possible scenarios too.  It's especially risky at our age when faced with being older in a potentially stressful, changeable situation not under our control.  We've had enough of that what with the pandemic, and wouldn't want to add to that feeling.  We've been on overload and overwhelmed with stress and worry about every little thing for a YEAR.  Plus I don't think rich bosses understand sometimes that the power disparity makes their subordinate feel like they are being forced into something they don't want and their lives are being controlled.  And what feels easy for him may feel risky and too involved to us, for good reason.  I don't think he figured all that into the equation and realized all the possible implications.   I don't think he wanted to make us feel any of these things.  His intentions were good, he just didn't think it through enough first.  I never watched "The Office", but now I'm curious!

And selling the house - We've just come through a few years of first me being out of work, then the pandemic happened and my husband had virtually no work for a year, so all the home improvement projects we wanted to get done were shelved, plus we had to spend on a new boiler and central AC system in the past 2 years, so that was a LOT of money.  We just spent money on taking down some dead trees, including one tall pine that fell over in our front yard last Fall and had been there all Winter.  The house needs some things done before it would be ready to go on the market and it's going to take us some time to get it there.  And I know these are things that if not done would take away from what we could get for the house, and we don't really have a lot of equity in it in the first place for a lot of reasons including that this area didn't recover from the 2008 recession for a LONG time and we bought it right before the real estate bubble burst.  And who would want to have moving people trudging through their house during the pandemic anyway?  No one has been in here for a year and I'd like to keep it that way for now.  Not even Mr. Moneybags can solve these problems for us that fast anyway.

I wish I could say that all the positive things that have happened have improved my mood, but they haven't and I've actually been feeling more depressed lately.  I know that a lot of it is the never ending pandemic and the usual SADS that catches up with me every March.  The Covid numbers had been going down for a while and now that they are rising again, it's "deja vu all over again".  Plus April 4th is the 1st anniversary of my father's death, and I'm sure that's working on me in the background as well.  One other big thing is the 15 lbs. I gained in the past few months despite really curtailing my intake and trying to get out there for walks.  My post-menopausal weight issue is already very difficult to manage under normal circumstances, but the pandemic just threw a wrench into that.  And I feel miserable about it because I'm short and 15 extra pounds on top of already being overweight is a lot and virtually impossible to lose anymore at my age unless I go on a crash diet, which is unhealthy.  I've been meaning to check into a weight loss program at my local hospital but it's never the "right time" for a lot of reasons, including now having to go on new insurance but needing to talk to someone about which insurance meets our needs right now.  Hubbie is on Medicare so that complicates things.  Tomorrow we are calling that counselor.  It just seems like I never get where I want to go and there are always obstacles delaying me.

On top of that we were supposedly scheduled for our second Moderna doses on the 31st and our reminder cards confirmed that, but when we got to the Walmart they told us there had been a "scheduling mistake" and that we were down for the 7th instead!  Very frustrating!  🙁

Edited by Yeah No
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7 hours ago, Teafortwo said:

My friend's husband works in a restaurant in Houston. He got infected from one of these people. His wife caught it from him before they knew of the exposure. They were very sick - she longer than he. Their daughter is 4 (mom is homeschooling her for the duration). Thankfully, they've recovered - but who knows about long-haul symptoms?

I'm fully vaccinated - next Friday it will be two weeks since my 2nd shot. I plan to continue wearing a double mask indefinitely, with a face shield for any indoor shopping/shared laundry area. I live in NYC.

The additional, potentially devastating problem is that the surges give the virus more and more chances to mutate - thus increasing the chances of vaccine-resistant mutations. The virus is smarter than some humans. It's a race against time.

Great news about you being fully vaccinated but these other subjects are also a reason for my increased depression lately.  Just when we think we're going in a good direction with the pandemic, WHAMMO, one step forward 3 steps back.  Story of my life.  My therapist tells me my life for the past decade has been a series of "tsunamis" and just when I get up from one, another one hits.  But of course it's not just happening in my life right now.  We're all dealing with that when it comes to the pandemic.  We want to be optimistic about the vaccines working when we hear encouraging statistics, but when we hear about scary and possibly resistant variants, that optimism feels fleeting.  Plus on another thread we were talking about never realizing how many stupid people there were until the pandemic.  You know, the Covid deniers and mask resisters that buy into conspiracy theories and don't trust the science.  I used to resist seeing them as stupid or morally wrong because I didn't want to give myself permission to think I was smarter than anyone - I wanted to think that maybe we just disagreed but I should respect their opinions.  It's kind of hard to do that under these circumstances right now with this issue.  It's not just stupidity but not caring about anyone but themselves.  These days it's fashionable to concentrate on the rights of the individual over society.  "Screw society, I'll go out without a mask and it's none of anyone's business to tell me to wear one!"  This is the attitude.  But I was taught that a person's rights end as soon as they compromise someone else's.  They get out of taking responsibility for that by buying the lie that Covid isn't real so they're really not compromising anyone's rights.  They think they are the only people whose rights are being compromised by mask mandates and restrictions.  They are the victims, not the people they may infect.  It's sick and morally horrible.  And that's another reason why I'm depressed.  I always knew there were people like this but there seems to be a worse epidemic of them than I ever thought was possible.

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7 hours ago, Yeah No said:

You know, the Covid deniers and mask resisters that buy into conspiracy theories and don't trust the science.  I used to resist seeing them as stupid or morally wrong because I didn't want to give myself permission to think I was smarter than anyone - I wanted to think that maybe we just disagreed but I should respect their opinions.  It's kind of hard to do that under these circumstances right now with this issue.  It's not just stupidity but not caring about anyone but themselves.  These days it's fashionable to concentrate on the rights of the individual over society.  "Screw society, I'll go out without a mask and it's none of anyone's business to tell me to wear one!"  This is the attitude.  But I was taught that a person's rights end as soon as they compromise someone else's.  They get out of taking responsibility for that by buying the lie that Covid isn't real so they're really not compromising anyone's rights.  They think they are the only people whose rights are being compromised by mask mandates and restrictions.  They are the victims, not the people they may infect.  It's sick and morally horrible.  And that's another reason why I'm depressed.  I always knew there were people like this but there seems to be a worse epidemic of them than I ever thought was possible.

You've just described most of my family on both sides.  At this point myself, my husband, my dad and my two kids are the only people in our extended families who have gotten the vaccine.  My husband's siblings even talked my father in law out of getting his second dose of the vax.  So on top of everything else going on, I get tense when I know I am going to see someone in my own family.  Going through my days in a state of low-grade anxiety (which ebbs and flows depending on the day) is not how I want to live my life, but I feel like not only is it not likely to change anytime soon, but even after the pandemic is in the rear-view mirror, I have to come to terms with looking at my family members and remembering how they dismissed me and rolled their eyes when I talked about masks, or vaxes, or being a good human being.  How are we supposed to forget that and move on?  I guess time will tell.

Edited by laurakaye
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18 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

How are we supposed to forget that and move on? 

Good question.  I know that I have severed ties with former friends, there is no way I want to be associated with people who care only for themselves and have no guilt at killing someone else.  Luckily my family are all doing the right thing so that's not an issue. I am sorry that your family's selfishness is going to put you in a terrible spot.

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(edited)

And it's really weird being the outlier on both sides of my family.  I have been working extra hard to educate myself and try to get information from non-partisan news sources and podcasts so when they throw their "well if masks worked then why is there still Covid?!!11" arguments at me, I can respond rationally.  That's the plan, anyway. 🙂

At the heart of it is how much I hate conflict but here I am, with a position to defend against a bunch of people who think I'm an idiot for getting a couple of shots in my arm to save myself AND THEM.  *sigh*.................

Edited by laurakaye
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6 minutes ago, laurakaye said:

At the heart of it is how much I hate conflict but here I am, with a position to defend against a bunch of people who think I'm an idiot for getting a couple of shots in my arm to save myself AND THEM. 

Have you read this article that Yeah No linked about cognitive dissonance and Covid?  It explained a lot and, unfortunately, you are wasting your breath with deniers.  

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45 minutes ago, Cetacean said:

Good question.  I know that I have severed ties with former friends, there is no way I want to be associated with people who care only for themselves and have no guilt at killing someone else.  Luckily my family are all doing the right thing so that's not an issue. I am sorry that your family's selfishness is going to put you in a terrible spot.

That's just so sad about having to sever ties with former friends.  One of our good friends just got his first dose of the vaccine a couple of weeks ago but his wife is resisting getting hers despite being over 50 and having some medical conditions.  I have been considering inviting the family over on a warm day to sit outside with us.  One big reason for that other than not seeing them all for a long time is because I bought their daughter a laptop.  She's a freshman in college and her family can't afford to get her one.  Unfortunately, they don't live in one of those communities with programs that give out laptops to poor students.  She has been struggling with a Chromebook that's not up to her needs and her family doesn't own a computer (well they do but it's 20 years old).  I'm going to tell them that we won't feel comfortable seeing all of them unless they all get their vaccines - our state is opening up scheduling to people 16 and older next week.  I usually wouldn't be like this about stuff, but in this case, whatever works.  I would give her father the laptop if they refuse but I don't think I'll have to do that.  I used that logic with my best friend and she got vaccinated right away.  I told her that I would not want to get together with her until she got the vaccine.  Nothing like a little blackmail to get people to change their minds, but whatever works, right?  I'm fortunate that in my case these people are vaccine avoidant out of fear, not any kind of ideological BS, though.  I feel for you and anyone that has to sever ties with anyone over this.

43 minutes ago, Cetacean said:

Have you read this article that Yeah No linked about cognitive dissonance and Covid?  It explained a lot and, unfortunately, you are wasting your breath with deniers.  

Thanks for posting it again, I was just thinking I needed to reread it!

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9 minutes ago, Yeah No said:

Thanks for posting it again, I was just thinking I needed to reread it!

I have passed it on to a lot of people.  More and more is being published about this as well.  Even it it helps a handful of people to change a mind it's worth the effort.

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(edited)
1 hour ago, Cetacean said:

Have you read this article that Yeah No linked about cognitive dissonance and Covid?  It explained a lot and, unfortunately, you are wasting your breath with deniers.  

I love their work (Tarvis and Aronson). They have a book about it called Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) that takes a deep dive into cognitive dissonance theory but in a way that is easy for laypeople to understand (provided they aren't experiencing cognitive dissonance about it). I used to use my psychology background to volunteer as a Guardian ad Litem and Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA - GAL) for abused and neglected kids in the system, and I found that understanding cognitive dissonance and how rationalization is used to resolve the discomfort it creates was incredibly beneficial in working with the parents whose children had been put into the system. If you want to understand people, understanding cognitive dissonance and how rationalization and justification (and doubling down on choices that are clearly terrible choices to an objective outside observer) can be kind of life changing. Don't get me wrong - those people are still super annoying, but at least it's easier to understand their motivation.

1 hour ago, laurakaye said:

 How are we supposed to forget that and move on?  I guess time will tell.

As the "outlier" in my family of birth, I can tell you that sometimes for your own mental health and wellness, you can chose to love your family from afar in order to protect yourself from hurt and lasting damage. Ask me how I know...but my life is far more peaceful and happier without being around the constant pressure to be what my family thinks I should be versus being who I truly am. 

Edited by NoWhammies
because things and thinks are not the same word
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As a middle-lier (support mandates and health protocols but sanely wary of many pharmaceutical initiatives), I think it’s important for some of you in this thread to realize that you’re the opposite side of the sociological coin.  Cutting off or rigidly controlling relationships with family and loved ones that don’t share a particular neurosis is as disturbing as those who care so little for the health or comfort of others by refusing masks and other protocols.

I have to deal with both sides of the coin in my family and each side considers the other selfish, mentally imbalanced, and/or varying degrees of intellectually challenged. Both types of people are tedious to unbearable to be around, but you do what you have to do. I would hate to know that people are isolating themselves and throwing away relationships for the sake of fear or ideological stubbornness, just like those who cannot tolerate similarly toxic and opposing political views. You only get some of these relationships once in a lifetime and it would be shameful to lose them simply due to tunnel vision, ego, and self-righteousness.

Things still suspect to me:

* Why have big box businesses and grocery stores become so lax in sanitizing shopping carts and surfaces? I was kind of hoping this would be a “thing” forever.  I’m as opposed to norovirus (maybe more) as I am respiratory diseases.

* Its been over a year: why haven’t these businesses and corporations been pressured to upgrade air filtration systems in these stores and buildings in any significant way?

* Why have there never been biohazard receptacles aplenty for mandated masks in public areas? This is my dentist’s biggest pet peeve. I’m so tired of seeing these masks all over floors and parking lots. Some employee or groundskeeper has to clean them up and I doubt they are using appropriate receptacles.

**Please do your due diligence by contacting your insurance provider before you vaccinate.  These vaccines are categorized as “emergency use” medical interventions due to not having yet met all typical FDA trial guidelines.  If you were to die as a result of this therapy, many major insurance companies will not pay out policies due to use of experimental therapeutics. This is why the US military will not be requiring armed forces to get vaccines until FDA approval is met and granted.  If you have loved ones that would depend on your life insurance benefit, seek counsel. 

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(edited)
15 minutes ago, LydiaE said:

  Cutting off or rigidly controlling relationships with family and loved ones that don’t share a particular neurosis is as disturbing as those who care so little for the health or comfort of others by refusing masks and other protocols.

I'm not sure if you're addressing me with this, but I'd like to point out I wasn't actually suggesting you cut off family for ideological differences (I am a left of center woman married to a conservative man and I haven't cut him off). I suggest you cut off anyone who is abusive or toxic in their relationships with you to the point it has the potential to produce lasting harm to mental, emotional, and physical health and well-being. 

Edited by NoWhammies
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34 minutes ago, LydiaE said:

 Cutting off or rigidly controlling relationships with family and loved ones that don’t share a particular neurosis is as disturbing as those who care so little for the health or comfort of others by refusing masks and other protocols.

I am not sure that putting the well-being of others before yourself can be called a "neurosis".  To me it's a core value - when you have absolutely no regard for your fellow humans to the point that you refuse to do one simple, non-invasive, inexpensive thing like wear a mask then your values are severely out of line with mine.  I have no desire to associate myself with people that have no lack of consience about hurting or possibly killing someone.  If that's a "neurosis" then I am happy to own it.

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18 hours ago, Yeah No said:

I never watched "The Office", but now I'm curious!

The comparison between Michael Scott and your husband's boss is rather inapt -- Michael is a caricature of bosses who think they are part of their employees lives/families and they can control them and violate all boundaries. He is a wonderfully well-written and well-acted character though. I don't know if the show could be produced today. Michael says things that would appall most people (it's also made clear that he is a complete idiot). For example, a new employee transfers to the office (played by Rashida Jones) and Michael gives her a quizzical look and asks her, "Was your dad a GI?"  It is just super ridiculous and completely hilarious. Also there is a gay character named Oscar, and Michael at one point calls him "Oscar Mayer Weiner" and then a fraction of a second pause, followed by "lover" under his breath. He's no Archie Bunker - there's no hatred of difference, just inappropriate stereotyping of absolutely everyone (except white hetero males). 

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On 3/9/2021 at 10:41 AM, Yeah No said:

Would you feel comfortable meeting with friends who've also been vaccinated unmasked at their houses?  I'm still mulling over that one.

I was supposed to see my brother and his family this weekend. I'm one week after my second dose. They are vaccinated, 20 year old nephew is not. The plan was to sit outside on their screened porch, all of us masked and 6 ft or so apart. They changed it to a brunch (and turns out the screen porch got wrapped in plastic because too much pollen was coming in (? never heard of anyone doing that before). I told them they could eat but I would keep my mask on. Eventually they cancelled saying it's going to be too chilly (mid-50s where they live) to sit outside. But I think it was because I said I would not take my mask off the whole time. I would have gone inside for a bit to meet their new kittens and use the bathroom. I think I will feel the same way until we see whether the worrisome E484K mutation (a gene found on some of the Brazil variants, but not all) proves vaccine-resistant or not.

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Tripping down memory lane because I watched John Denver's Wildlife Concert, which I do every couple years, and his 1975 song Calypso always puts me away. It is dedicated to the man who co-invented recreational underwater diving and showed probably 90% of the world its first glimpses of whales breaching and dolphins leaping into the air and spinning for joy (among many other wonders). 

In 1943 Jacques-Yves Cousteau (a French navy veteran) worked with a partner who was an engineer to modify and perfect a regulator for existing military/professional diving equipment, allowing the general population to dive for enjoyment. Cousteau named their invention Aqua Lung but his partner promoted it as SCUBA (Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus) and the public preferred that term. 

The ship that Cousteau called Calypso originally was a minesweeper with a hull of Oregon pine AKA Doug fir, built in Seattle for the British Royal Navy in 1941. Captain Cousteau re-fitted her as a research vessel in 1950. His first TV special in the US was on ABC in 1966 (I was 16) and then a TV series called The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau ran for 9 seasons (1968-1976). It was a big damn deal (think Planet Earth for young Boomers) and each season had only 3, 4 or 5 episodes. They made us wait for it, man!

On TV the captain, his sons, a grandson, and the rest of the Calypso crew were almost always seen wearing red wool diver caps which became emblems around the world. (Wool has warming ability even when wet). 

John Denver was one of the earliest celebrity environmentalists and he was invited aboard the Calypso in 1974. As a surprise, Cousteau had a diving mask created with Denver's eyeglass prescription so he actually could see underwater. IIRC the captain's wife Simone made that suggestion. Denver's reaction was a huge smile and his signature "Far out!"

ABC rocked the made-for-TV Movie Of The Week concept on a few different nights during the same years. Some classics were: Duel (road rage/menace), Intimate Strangers (spousal battery), Brian's Song (Bears running back Brian Piccolo's battle with cancer), The Morning After (alcoholism) and Tribes (hippie drafted by the US Army got scooped up by the Marines instead, which was a thing).

Many people arranged their schedules around TV shows back then. The popularity of ABC's original offering, Tuesday Movie Of The Week, was so huge that it wiped out league bowling and other traditions in some places. Imagine that. My parents bowled 4 nights a week and the Tuesday league was the first one they (and most of our small town) axed. Those were the days, my friends.

Aye, Calypso!

Has anyone seen The Jericho Mile with Peter Strauss? Also an ABC made-for-TV movie, 1979, filmed inside Folsom Prison. Serving life after killing his father for raping his stepsister, Strauss is a miler who spends his time running in the exercise yard. He won an Emmy for Best Actor and writer-director Michael Mann (no slouch either) won for the screenplay. Good fucking movie. 

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(edited)

Well...got my shot today.  I was SO against it at first. 
It was the Johnson &Johnson one dose jab.  Got it at 2:30 and it’s now 7:30.  I have a giant headache, but that could be because we had a small family gathering outside all afternoon.   Plus I live on ibuprofen and couldn’t take any today before or after the shot. 
It was 70 degrees here in Wisconsin today, just gorgeous!
That’s my boring little update lol. 
Oh and the Wisconsin Supreme Court overturned the mask mandate here.  

Edited by Meowwww
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On 3/24/2021 at 4:46 PM, Enya Face said:

I brought this over here because of how hard I just laughed. @NoWhammies, I’ve been reading your handle as “Now, Hammies!” in my head. Sitting here, mulling it over, my husband says “what’s wrong?” I reply “wtf does now hammies mean?!” He looks at my phone, takes a really deep breath and says “you’re queen of game shows and you can’t recognize NO WHAMMIES?!”

The shaaaaaaaaame.

Hammies!   It’s what I call hamsters.  They can be vicious  little buggers and eat each other more often than not.  I work at a pet food store that also sells small animals.  

Edited by Meowwww
Vicious not viscous.
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54 minutes ago, Meowwww said:

Well...got my shot today.  I was SO against it at first. 
It was the Johnson &Johnson one dose jab.  Got it at 2:30 and it’s now 7:30.  I have a giant headache, but that could be because we had a small family gathering outside all afternoon.   Plus I live on ibuprofen and couldn’t take any today before or after the shot. 
It was 70 degrees here in Wisconsin today, just gorgeous!
That’s my boring little update lol. 
Oh and the Wisconsin Supreme Court overturned the mask mandate here.  

Hmmn, headed your way (Green Bay area) tomorrow, Meowwww.  I think i have some room on the rig for some Meow Mix.  🙃

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1 hour ago, suomi said:

On TV the captain, his sons, a grandson, and the rest of the Calypso crew were almost always seen wearing red wool diver caps which became emblems around the world. (Wool has warming ability even when wet). 

I saw his son, Jean-Michel, give a lecture at University of Michigan and I almost drooled down my shirt at how drop dead gorgeous he was.  

And I adored John Denver throughout his career.  He really brought his love of nature into his music.

1 hour ago, suomi said:

ABC rocked the made-for-TV Movie Of The Week concept on a few different nights during the same years. Some classics were: Duel (road rage/menace), Intimate Strangers (spousal battery), Brian's Song (Bears running back Brian Piccolo's battle with cancer), The Morning After (alcoholism) and Tribes (hippie drafted by the US Army got scooped up by the Marines instead, which was a thing).

Duel - I haven't seen it in many years but man, that was a terrifying movie.  It was Steven Spielberg's directorial debut and it was certainly a humdinger.  I was dehyrated for days after seeing Brian's Song from crying.  

1 hour ago, Meowwww said:

Well...got my shot today.  I was SO against it at first. 

Congratulations.  I don't know about you but having had mine has lifted my spirits immeasureably.  At least until some lamebrains decide that it's better to have people die than tie a tiny piece of cloth across their mouth and nose. Is it evil to hope they all get it and die?  I guess so.  Still...

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2 hours ago, suomi said:

Tripping down memory lane because I watched John Denver's Wildlife Concert, which I do every couple years, and his 1975 song Calypso always puts me away.

I always loved this song - thanks for the reminder. Have not listened to it in decades. While I was listening, I thought of this seafaring song, which I also love:

It's clear where Billy Joel got the inspiration for this song! It's almost derivative.

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(edited)
3 hours ago, suomi said:

Tripping down memory lane because I watched John Denver's Wildlife Concert, which I do every couple years, and his 1975 song Calypso always puts me away. It is dedicated to the man who co-invented recreational underwater diving and showed probably 90% of the world its first glimpses of whales breaching and dolphins leaping into the air and spinning for joy (among many other wonders). 

In 1943 Jacques-Yves Cousteau (a French navy veteran) worked with a partner who was an engineer to modify and perfect a regulator for existing military/professional diving equipment, allowing the general population to dive for enjoyment. Cousteau named their invention Aqua Lung but his partner promoted it as SCUBA (Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus) and the public preferred that term. 

The ship that Cousteau called Calypso originally was a minesweeper with a hull of Oregon pine AKA Doug fir, built in Seattle for the British Royal Navy in 1941. Captain Cousteau re-fitted her as a research vessel in 1950. His first TV special in the US was on ABC in 1966 (I was 16) and then a TV series called The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau ran for 9 seasons (1968-1976). It was a big damn deal (think Planet Earth for young Boomers) and each season had only 3, 4 or 5 episodes. They made us wait for it, man!

On TV the captain, his sons, a grandson, and the rest of the Calypso crew were almost always seen wearing red wool diver caps which became emblems around the world. (Wool has warming ability even when wet). 

John Denver was one of the earliest celebrity environmentalists and he was invited aboard the Calypso in 1974. As a surprise, Cousteau had a diving mask created with Denver's eyeglass prescription so he actually could see underwater. IIRC the captain's wife Simone made that suggestion. Denver's reaction was a huge smile and his signature "Far out!"

 

Aye, Calypso!

 

To this day I mourn the loss of John Denver...

Edited by Gramto6
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14 hours ago, Gramto6 said:

To this day I mourn the loss of John Denver...

He had broad appeal.  I'm over 60, and always liked him.  My parents listened to the Chad Mitchell Trio in the 60's, and John briefly sang with them.  My 30-something daughter likes his music, too.  I loved the movie "Oh God," in which John had a starring role.

 

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Today was the first anniversary of my Dad's death from Covid.  I spent the day scanning and posting photos of him to Facebook.  Then I spoke on the phone with my best friend.  It was cleansing and I only shed a tear once looking at a photo of my Dad and Father in Law taken 30 years ago.  I was actually surprised because I just came off a bad few weeks in that regard.  It's making me feel a little more hopeful that there's a light at the end of the tunnel with my grief and with a lot of depressing things right now.

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