Moose135 July 5, 2016 Share July 5, 2016 I had one of those big, round salads for dinner the other night too! Link to comment
Petunia13 July 6, 2016 Author Share July 6, 2016 What's the difference between a well dressed man riding a bike and clown on a unicycle? Attire 9 Link to comment
Demented Daisy July 9, 2016 Share July 9, 2016 Okay, not a joke, per se, but it's the funniest thing I think I may have ever seen. Keegan Michael Key just loses it and I love it. The bad language is bleeped out, but it's probably NSFW, anyway. @midnight's "Thugs, Not Hugs" 1 Link to comment
HoosierJen July 31, 2016 Share July 31, 2016 My two favorites . . . 1. Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other butt cheek? A: If we stick together we can stop this shit! 2. Two fish are swimming along happily when all of a sudden they both swim headfirst into a concrete wall. One fish turns to the other fish and says, "Dam." 5 Link to comment
Sandman87 July 31, 2016 Share July 31, 2016 A dumb one for the Star Trek: NG fans: Q: What does Picard say when he wants someone to do a half-assed job? A: Spoiler "Make it so-so!" Link to comment
JTMacc99 July 31, 2016 Share July 31, 2016 @HoosierJen, I just told my middle-schooler the butt cheek joke. He enjoyed it quite a bit. As did my brother, who is a middle school teacher. 1 Link to comment
HoosierJen July 31, 2016 Share July 31, 2016 1 hour ago, JTMacc99 said: @HoosierJen, I just told my middle-schooler the butt cheek joke. He enjoyed it quite a bit. As did my brother, who is a middle school teacher. I'm a middle school teacher as well! We must all have the same sense of humor. 2 Link to comment
Demented Daisy July 31, 2016 Share July 31, 2016 Yay, middle school humor! Read the Percy Jackson books by Rick Riordan. He was a middle school teacher for a long time and most of the books are full of it. Two of my favorite passages (the first is from The Titan's Curse; our heroes are at the Hoover Dam): The second is from The Son of Neptune (Hazel is being carried away by a bunch of karpoi, evil grain spirits): 4 Link to comment
Petunia13 August 2, 2016 Author Share August 2, 2016 What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? 1 requires tweetment...the other oinkment. 8 Link to comment
Sandman87 August 4, 2016 Share August 4, 2016 Ohhh...the pain, the pain... Of course, if you get ill in a seafood restaurant they'll have to call a sturgeon. 3 Link to comment
backformore August 20, 2016 Share August 20, 2016 What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Spoiler Aye, Matey! 3 Link to comment
Petunia13 August 20, 2016 Author Share August 20, 2016 what did Lochte after his teammates told the police what really happened? -"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medelling kids!" 1 Link to comment
Sandman87 August 28, 2016 Share August 28, 2016 What's covered with spines and carries a six-gun? Spoiler Billy the Echidna. Link to comment
Petunia13 August 28, 2016 Author Share August 28, 2016 On August 20, 2016 at 7:49 AM, Petunia13 said: what did Lochte SAY after his teammates told the police what really happened? -"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you medelling kids!" We can no longer edit posts? Link to comment
backformore August 28, 2016 Share August 28, 2016 I can't edit, and I can't quote, after the last upgrade! 1 Link to comment
Blergh August 28, 2016 Share August 28, 2016 OK, I've cleaned this up a bit but here goes: Two middle-aged women were sitting on a front porch and one said to the other ' Oh, no! My husband's carrying a dozen red roses! Looks like I'll have a sore woo-hoo in the morning!' Woman #2 said' Oh, I solved that problem years ago!' This startled Woman #1 because Woman #2 was far from the brightest bulb in the tulip bed. Woman #1 replied' Really? How?' Woman #2 gloated," Easy! Spoiler I told MY husband to use a vase!' 1 Link to comment
backformore September 12, 2016 Share September 12, 2016 A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the husband asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The wife said, "No sweetie." The husband said, "I'm sure you would." So the wife said, "Okay, I would" Then the husband asked, "Would you let him sleep in our bed?" And the wife replied, "Yes, I guess so." Then the husband asked, "Would you let him use my golf clubs?" And the wife replied, "No, he's left handed." 8 Link to comment
Petunia13 September 14, 2016 Author Share September 14, 2016 I took my gf to an ice cream factory and she fell into the gelato machine. shes a sore bae now! 3 Link to comment
DisneyBoy September 14, 2016 Share September 14, 2016 Backformore, that made me laugh. Thanks! 1 Link to comment
Maharincess October 22, 2016 Share October 22, 2016 I went to a zoo today but it wasn't very good, they only had one dog there. It was a Shih Tzu. 5 Link to comment
Sandman87 October 23, 2016 Share October 23, 2016 I must be getting shorter, because that one went right over my head. Link to comment
Babalu October 23, 2016 Share October 23, 2016 3 hours ago, Sandman87 said: I must be getting shorter, because that one went right over my head. It took me a minute, too. Read it out loud. Good one, @Maharincess. 2 Link to comment
Maharincess October 23, 2016 Share October 23, 2016 @Babalu, it took me longer than a minute when I first saw it. 1 Link to comment
Maizie131 October 27, 2016 Share October 27, 2016 (edited) Not really a joke, but pretty damn funny! I was crying! (Turn speakers on.) Edited October 27, 2016 by Maizie131 2 Link to comment
backformore October 30, 2016 Share October 30, 2016 not a joke, but it made me smile: 1 Link to comment
ennui March 17, 2017 Share March 17, 2017 I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air. She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?" 7 Link to comment
Spunkygal March 17, 2017 Share March 17, 2017 What time did the man go to the dentist? Spoiler Tooth-hurty! 4 Link to comment
ennui March 24, 2017 Share March 24, 2017 When I was young, I decided I wanted to be a doctor, so I took the entrance exam to go to medical school. One of the questions required rearranging the letters "PNEIS" into the name of "an important human body part, which is most useful when erect." Those who answered "spine" are doctors today. The rest of us are posting jokes on the internet. 10 Link to comment
ennui March 31, 2017 Share March 31, 2017 The reason Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was Otis, and he stayed drunk. 5 Link to comment
ennui March 31, 2017 Share March 31, 2017 The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I'm pretty sure she's going to get me something. 8 Link to comment
ennui April 7, 2017 Share April 7, 2017 Dear John, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off our engagement. Won't you forgive and forget? Your absence is breaking my heart. I was a fool, nobody can take your place. All my love, Belinda. xxxxoooxxxx P.S. Congratulations on winning last week's Powerball lottery. 6 Link to comment
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