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All Episodes Talk: Let's Talk About Dr. Phil, The Show

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The crying during the part where she says she would never hit her daughter sounded fake as hell.

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Why does Shill put these people on his show?!

I suspect these people in particular only made it to air because they used Dr. Phil's old relationship book to work on their marriage, even though it wasn't a good advertisement.

I have my fingers crossed that tomorrow's show finally airs and is not replaced with something stupid again.

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Bakersfield 3 background:     https://www.kget.com/news/homicide-news/stories-behind-the-bakersfield-3/1669785945

From reports, the local reporter on the show claims there is a secret, large world of crime in the upscale neighborhoods in Bakersfield.   Anything to get your face on national TV, and who cares about the pain this caused for the families of the victims.      There was a DNA match from one of the victims to an arm recovered.    

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On 12/5/2018 at 10:01 PM, Showthyme said:

Having 15 kids is like having 15 cats. I will see myself out.

Why not have the Cat lady on the multi-kid show and she can give each of them a cat al a pet. this will possibley drive her to  check into a hospital and she can get some sleep.

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While I don't understand why Dr. Phil didn't question Ryan about the person who said "if your brother shows up at my door, i'm calling my boys to come strapped" to him.. I really think it was wrong of Phil to insist that he knows who did it over and over again. He said no several times and said give me a lie detector and had a lot of emotion about it. Obviously he knows who the guy who threatened him was.. but I really don't think he knows who actually killed his brother. Ryan didn't have to come on the show at all, and Phil was going overboard with him.

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I don’t understand why two grown men the ages of Ryan and his brother are running around with criminals. Why aren’t they working at responsible jobs and taking care of themselves and their families? Why was the son who was killed still living with his mother? These were not young teens or early twenties men. 

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I'm hoping today's show is fake because these women are catty nutcases who need to grow the hell up.

On the bright side, we'll be getting another catfish episode soon.

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I couldn’t have cared less about those two women who were on today’s show. I ask myself more and more often these days “Why does he have this person on his show? Who cares about this subject?”

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5 minutes ago, Gam2 said:

I couldn’t have cared less about those two women who were on today’s show. I ask myself more and more often these days “Why does he have this person on his show? Who cares about this subject?”

Just like yesterday, the woman who claims she's being stalked mentioned using Dr. Phil's books as a guide to help the people in her secret group. I guess his next pimping project is reminding people that he has written books.

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1 hour ago, iHateAmpersands said:

Just like yesterday, the woman who claims she's being stalked mentioned using Dr. Phil's books as a guide to help the people in her secret group. I guess his next pimping project is reminding people that he has written books.

I think that red headed Kelly chick had buddies in the audience....she got applause on everything she said!!

Shill must get a cut of coach Mike's book!! Sick of hearing about his friggin book!! 

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3 hours ago, Monie said:

I think that red headed Kelly chick had buddies in the audience....she got applause on everything she said!!

Shill must get a cut of coach Mike's book!! Sick of hearing about his friggin book!! 

Of course . He wrote the foreword to the book . 

Would he ever promote anyone else’s products without being involved ? 

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I also think Kelly had buddies planted in the audience to cheer her on.  Didn't she claim that she never actually read any of Dr. Phil's books because she's seen every episode of the show so she knew everything Dr. Phil knows?  I was mad at myself for (sort of half) watching that stupid episode. 

Sometimes I wonder if Phil fancies himself to be another Oprah.  Oprah has launched the careers of several guests including Phil himself, Dr. Oz, etc.  Does he think he's "doing an Oprah" when he pimps out Coach Mike so he can claim that he and his show are so influential that Coach Mike is famous thanks to being on his show?

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I was disappointed in yesterday's show because Dr. Phil did not dispense justice. To me, Kelly didn't need to have friends planted in the audience to get the applause: she unwisely started the war, but she was the obvious lesser offender as it went on. She freely expressed her opinions about the other woman in a restricted group of 11, which no one else would ever have got to see if it had stopped there; the other woman retaliated by threatening her with lawsuits and ratting her out so that she lost her job. With obviously no remorse at all; she was, she claims, defending her good name. With the result that now several million people know what Kelly called her-- and had it confirmed by her fictitious lawyer, her lies, her extreme reaction and that smirk. Oooooh did I hate her outward persona (not supposed to, and insufficient data to, actually hate the person) for that smirk. I'll bet a couple of million other viewers did too.

But Dr. Phil, though he threatened to throw her off the stage at one point, did not try to waken her to a sense of her exaggerated reaction and the real wrong she did Kelly. Instead, he brought on Coach Mike, who seemed to me desperately irrelevant at that point, and dispensed even-handed beneficence at the end, getting them both life coaching. This does not seem to me to grapple with the issues, though I'm sure they could both profit from it. Where's the outrage? Oy-- apparently he had a lower opinion of Kelly than I did because she encroached upon his privileged space: she dared to use psychology jargon without a degree. This raises the whole issue of whether psychology is a science open only to the professionals, or a set of common-sense observations that anyone can use. (I have an opinion on that. What, I'm not supposed to advise a friend to pause???) I thought he made too much fun of her for that and too little fun of the other woman for her overkill and making up a lawyer and lying about getting secret recordings from Facebook via a subpoena without a case and her obvious malevolence. And whatever happened to his principle of not bringing the stalker and their victim together? No, Phil, not yer finest hour.

Okay, let's go see (I recorded it) what he does about the delusional girl of today. 

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I have a headache and possible permanent eye damage from rolling my eyes so much during today’s show. I was shocked at what the parents believed about all of her “abuses” and all of her behavior they tolerated. It was just so over the top and I work in the Psychiatric field. If I am being overly judgmental I apologize and I do not mean to offend anyone with my opinions.

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How would the parents not know if their 6 year old was repeatedly kidnapped, in the woods alone at night etc. When my kid was 6 I knew where he was at all times. Something was really off with that family.

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Just another "trot them out, act all shocked".  Milk it and do nothing except pimp the brain dudes. 

On a shallow note, Robin is wasting away.  

As a friend of mine used to say "sleeping with her would be like fucking a bag of antlers". 

I'll show myself out.

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14 minutes ago, zillabreeze said:

As a friend of mine used to say "sleeping with her would be like fucking a bag of antlers". 

Sadly, I am laughing out loud at this!

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I kept checking the original airing date, because this seemed like an episode of Oprah from the 80s/early 90s, when all of our problems were caused by repressed memories of sexual abuse and ritual/satanic abuse was definitely occurring at your child’s day care, and anyone on a listserv or BBS had trauma-caused DID with alters who were 4 years old who could use a CPU, keyboard, modem, gopher, and vi to post, but could only write in baby talk (albeit phonetically correct, graphic baby talk). 

Shit, (I’m not even snarking; I’ve never admitted this before), there were  many years Oprah had me convinced that, because I was very unhappy kid for no tangible reason and had some real issues because of it, I must have been abused and just didn’t remember it, rather than consider that perhaps ... I was just fucking depressed, and ... that’s probably why I was depressed).

[I’m in no way mocking the many people who truly are horrifically abused, nor what I think may be the extremely rarer case of ritual abuse or developing a coping mechanism of some form of more significant dissociation than we all do every day. But I do give side-eye to the thousands of people who not only discovered Teh Interwebz in 1993 but had “littles” who could post prolifically on it in prose with consistent if not standard syntax and form that belied the [also near-universally similar] “little” spellings (or that basements in every neighborhood were used for mass abuse and sacrifices or held the supersonic planes everyone was using to fly little kids across the world for a few hours of torture). (Shit, even Trump’s tweets are more consistent in their “little” words, misspellings, depth, and construction (and hands. SNS)].

 

(Ironically, I’ve (unrelated to my childhood depression) been dx’ed with PTSD due to having spent years being extremely physically ill and having my symptoms chocked up to “conversion disorder” (albeit often parsed in far more misogynistic and dismissive terms), because of parts of the very definitions Phil presented, as those fail to take into consideration the practioner’s level of understanding of (or, as Phil would say unironically, insight into) their own limitations ... five brain and spine surgeries and another dozen or so others after seeming to have most of it figured out with almost a joke of a list of rare illness diagnoses (ie, I can’t be too angry about doctors who couldn’t figure it out—I’m a tough, and possibly unique, case of this combination of rare conditions and atypical presentation!—but I CAN be angry at how quickly they were prepared to assign a psych dx that were actually a poorer match than MANYphysical ones, correct or not, rather than simply admit “I don’t know”... (outside of my main specialist, across the country, now, that’s actually my preferred standard for whether *I’ll* hire a dr now—‘cause I’m no longer doubted, but I still jump right into that mindset that I will be: I’ll take a dr who admits he or she needs me to spell out my conditions and then says, wow, guess I have some research to do! over one who claims they know them, any day), I’m usually pretty loath to agree that solely a psychiatric dx like conversion disorder or depression is the proper (full) diagnosis for someone with debilitating physical symptoms, but this chick was pretty textbook, even without the ever- growing degree of depravity she believed she’d experienced among her abuse.

 

But I do think that anyone who helped facilitate her belief in that as her truth (not to mention—‘cause, fuck, not like Phil did—the Folie à deux that also likely sucked in the brother) shares guilt with whoever did presumably violate her to whatever degree and start this shit show. 

But I thought we’d accepted that the level of abuse that now seems to be unquestionably fantastical—save, perchance, for rare corroborated cases in actual cults and such— the perception-is-reality Salem Witch pre-school Trials of the 80s and 90s were pretty universally debacles of well- and less-than-well-intentioned professionals, facilitated by the attention of Oprah, Geraldo, and the rest of the 80s/90s-era talk show hosts and journalists (and, of course, lawyers like Janet Reno) either misguidedly or intentionally creating a crisis that never existed, likely screwing up the kids far more than a tragically common case of “common” abuse would have, nevermind essentially ending the lives of those accused... was fiction. Like at least twenty years ago (unless you were a woman of color accused, and then you’re still in prison. Or did they finally let those four out on some Alford plea shit? Sorry, blanking on which of the many preschool cases it was, but I think there were at least two of four Latina aides who were at recently still rotting in prison despite their case’s being debunked eons ago?).

No kids rode the peripatetic school airplane to endure ritual abuse in Mexico, where they watched giraffes (‘cause they’re all over Mexico, natch. Dat’s why we need such a big wall or other permanent structure across the border, to keep all the giraffes in Mexico safe) slaughtered and drank their blood, and made it home in time for afternoon pick-up,

and this chick didn’t repress the memories of being a character in an even more twisted version of “The Most Dangerous Game” and then coming home for dinner and failing to remember being savaged by seven men while another girl got Misery-hobbled. 

Sadly, I suspect the reality is irrelevant if she’s been supported in believing it this long, although I guess Dr. Shud B Lawless can save her with his magical brain-changing light-up toy. (“It went BLIP when it moved and BOP when it stoppped and WHIRRR when it stood still... but I never knew just what it was, that toy Lawless pimped to Phil”).

 

Somehow, I think the mother might actually be harder to cure. What an odd affect on that one.

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On 1/17/2019 at 3:39 PM, Gam2 said:

I couldn’t have cared less about those two women who were on today’s show. I ask myself more and more often these days “Why does he have this person on his show? Who cares about this subject?”

Just another catfight between two idiots. 

Actually, the real reason whats-her-name was fired could be because she was using social media during work hours.  In many places, that is a big no-no, especially if you are using a company computer (which tracks every site you visit).

At least she didn't claim to be a mandated reporter.

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Next week:

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1/21: My Grandson's Father Nearly Killed Us and His Mother Is Battling Us in Court

Alexa cut off her now ex-mother-in-law's visitation with her grandson after her ex-husband tried to kill the family.

1/22: My Son Lost $60,000 Gambling From My Basement and Now Can't Raise His Children!

Gambler John has lost every penny he has ever made, has ruined his parents' credit, can't keep a job, can't provide for his three babies, lives in his mom's basement and steals money from her, but she doesn't have the heart to kick him out.

1/23: Please Convince My Daughter She Has an Eating Disorder

Maddie, 18, says she doesn't have an eating disorder even though her mother, stepfather and grandmother say she is slowly starving herself to death, has been hospitalized repeatedly for dehydration, and is so fatigued that she cannot live her life.

1/24: My Husband Told My Best Friend I Was Dying and Asked Her to Marry Him

Penny married her late friend's widower, Glen, then fell ill herself, and says that while she was in the hospital, Glen told her best friend that she was dying and asked her to move in, replace her as a mother to their daughter and marry him.

1/25:  Vanished Without a Trace: Girlfriend Missing 26 Years

Twenty-year-old Laurie Depies vanished one night 26 years ago from her boyfriend Marc's apartment parking lot; he and her mother come together to discuss what may have happened to her; a psychic detective gives them some possible new clues.

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2 hours ago, iHateAmpersands said:

Gambler John has lost every penny he has ever made, has ruined his parents' credit, can't keep a job, can't provide for his three babies, lives in his mom's basement and steals money from her, but she doesn't have the heart to kick him out.

Please Lord deliver us from more episodes like this....  And to quote Larry the Cable Guy--

Lord, I apologize for that there, and...be with the starving pygmies in New Guinea, amen.

Edited by parrotfeathers
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I can cut the sorry son episode to one sentence--"You are doing this for yourself, not your son."

I really feel for parents that cannot get their grown kids out of their home.  It has to be terrible.

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What an interesting family dynamic in the 1/21: My Grandson's Father Nearly Killed Us and His Mother Is Battling Us in Court.      Anyone think if ex-mother-in-law gets unsupervised visitation, that she'll immediately start taking the kid around her criminal relatives, and indoctrinating the grandson about how nothing was daddy's fault, but somehow his mommy's? 

1/24: My Husband Told My Best Friend I Was Dying and Asked Her to Marry Him--Amazing the first wife was sick and suddenly died, and then the second gets deathly ill too.          The husband reminds me of my cousin, who took a date to her husband's funeral.  

Edited by CrazyInAlabama
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1 hour ago, CrazyInAlabama said:

1/24: My Husband Told My Best Friend I Was Dying and Asked Her to Marry Him--Amazing the first wife was sick and suddenly died, and then the second gets deathly ill too.          The husband reminds me of my cousin, who took a date to her husband's funeral.

I'm going to watch that one.  At least it's a new twist.  Did your cousin marry the date she took to the funeral?  I bet she got some of her own death stares.

If that are that many parents who cannot get their adult children out of the house--

there are BOUND to be just as many catfish victims.  I vote for equal representation on the Dr. Phil show.  One catfish for every one kid who won't leave.

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Yes, the tramp married the man who went to the funeral as her 'date', and they weren't just a casual thing before.     The jerk was her third husband, and she cheated on all of them, and I know she had an ugly divorce from number three.    Don't know what happened to her after, but she's not exactly on my list of people to keep in touch with.  

Edited by CrazyInAlabama · Reason: because I meant date, and typed data. oops!
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I saw the rerun of the Catfish where it turned out the catfish was using the image of an attorney, had ripped the victim off for at least $200k, including her selling the family home, and sending the money to him.     Though the woman said she understood the man was fake, I bet she was still sending money, because she's incredibly stupid. 

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2 hours ago, Cindyluwho said:

So how long before Coach Mike has his own show?

Ugh. He was on again today with the deadbeat son/daddy of 3. I’m sick of Mike already.

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2 hours ago, Cindyluwho said:

So how long before Coach Mike has his own show?

Never gonna happen.  I'd never heard of him till lately, but sheesh what a dullard.  One of the least charismatic and inspirational people ever.  Dude has zero personality.

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And all Mike did today was repeat words that Shill has said a million times. If you don’t have a job, your job is to look for a job 8 hours a day, etc. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

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1 hour ago, zillabreeze said:

Never gonna happen.  I'd never heard of him till lately, but sheesh what a dullard.  One of the least charismatic and inspirational people ever.  Dude has zero personality.

This is funny to me because he's the spitting image of my cousin's ex-husband and he didn't have much of a personality either.

Tomorrow is the girl who doesn't think she has an eating disorder and I have a feeling he'll be on there as well; gotta pimp that book.

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Iirc, Mike first showed up (on Dr. Phil) in an episode where they were celebrating and discussing Demi Lovato’s seven (?) years of sobriety. This was obviously a while ago!

Mike had allegedly played a large role in Demi’s getting sober, and  she now (then) co-owned CAST center(s?) with him.

 

They spent some time focusing on Demi “working” at CAST, which seemed to mean giving a rare concert and chat.

I forget what CAST stands for, but it *wasnt* directly related to show biz as I’d thought, even though everyone there seemed to be an aspiring mactor type and I was sure that’s whom he was targeting, which made the acronym seem really disingenuous to me.

 

Add in that his famous rich former protege pupil was now his co-owner, and the whole thing just seemed hella shady to me.

It made me think of how Scientology uses auditions for their promo reels to suck in new members by taking the just-got-to-LA-yesterday-for-pilot-season types and love-bombing them with the combo of dangling the “first big break” and allure of the connections they’ll make by joining them. (Note, none of this was even remotely confirmed as being the case for CAST; it was just my gut response to it).

 

I don’t remember seeing Mike again since that episode...

cut to Demi’s falling off the wagon and Mike thus obviously losing his great success story (I haven’t checked on what happened to their collaboration, business-wise, as a result, but he obviously lost the face of the brand that he was using to gain star-power credibility). At the time of their appearance, I just felt like he was exploiting her and was going to use her coattails to ride to greater success. 

 

Now, within months of his losing that cred and ambassador, he’s suddenly showing up on Dr. Phil more often than Phil was on Oprah. I can’t figure out exactly what the deal here is, but something seems hella fishy.

 

I don’t know where in this timeline Mysonjay decided to punish publish Mike’s book  (a total typo, but it was too fitting to deny others the opportunity to appreciate my brilliant stupidity),  but if it was after that initial appearance but before Demi lost her poster-child for You Can Turn Shit Around And Maintain It status, maybe they were counting on using that connection and appearance to pimp out the book, and, once that was gone, Phil and Pham thought they not only had lost that insta-cred but that now it was a liability.

Cue: remake Mike into a recognized figure in his own right by shoving him down our throats with no mention of his original appearance with Demi (it seemed like they didn’t even mention CAST for his first few appearances, and I’ve only noticed it the one time (I think with a talentless guy who wanted to be a rock star, adding to my theory that Mike preys upon wanna-be stars. But I could have made that up; there’s a finite number of variations to create an episode these days), hope everyone forgot he was That Guy Who Got Demi Lovato Sober And Together (for awhile), and construct Mike into a recognized expert in his own right, and then sell his book with the baggage erased and history rewritten. Or maybe it’s an Illuminati thing; that’s just my first thought.

 

Or maybe The Bible Locator of IHaveSevenKids just ran out of misogynistic platitudes and Phil needed some fresh meat (Dr. Plastic Brain is proving to be his (and Robbin’s) own best/worst counter-proof, seemingly aging at Progeria-esque levels; dude ain’t gonna be around forever).

 

To be fair, I DID think Mike did a great job with that My Beautiful Daughter Is A Hideous Terror type that I think was his first [re]appearance on the show, but now he’s been relegated to airtime filler like the other co-host-helpers that Phil cycles through semi-annually because he’s too tired to ... phil* in the 25 minutes he has before Robbin’ can come on to be a Natural Skincare Expert/Battered Women Advocate/Someone Who Does a Lot of Work With The Foster Care System.

 

Plus, I may question his sincerity with his wannabe-Hollywood status, but, afaik, Mike’s never been on an episode of Real Housewives, which automatically grants him more authority than Eleventy-Board-Certified Doctor Charles Sophy Of The Largest CPS Org In The Country (ya know, that system that Highly Involved With Phil and Robbin’ are always shading in their contradictory humblebrags).

 

While I’m at it: the sole bit of respect I had for them was rooted in their seeming to use their platform and riches to make a concrete difference in some important causes. And, while I don’t think the extremely rich are obligated to live like paupers to be effective philanthropists, and I really can’t begrudge people who seemed to grow up with so little and then develop such great wealth wanting to live well, even unnecessarily extravagantly, I will never be able to reconcile that earnest plea to (lower-income) viewers to donate to the There’s No Free Breakfast/Lunch Program When School’s Out organization with that repulsive display of (temporary and disposable) Christmas Decor Excess That Robbin’ Did All By Herself. Bitch,live well, but don’t be telling me how little it takes [from my very fixed incone] to feed a hungry child, when you could have still had a luxe and stunning but not repulsively excessive Christmas decor AND funded all them meals yourself with what you spent on the rest of your holiday vomit. 

 

I never celebrated Christmas, so the notion of spending more than the cost of a box of Chanukah candles, let alone putting in the time to do it (and undo it) to “celebrate” the holidays is a pretty foreign thing to me and I admittedly just can’t relate to prioritizing it, but I can appreciate the beauty of an elegant Christmas display, but don’t show me such a disgustingly over the top set-up and then tell me how easily I can help financially support my fellow Poors. Surely there’s a better balance they can find between enjoying the luxury of their enormous wealth and encouraging your viewers to joining you in supporting a good cause. And it starts with a combination of scaling back that shit about 90%, leaving you with a stlll-extravagant display, and not making more money off your viewers by spending a sizeable portion of an episode airing a segment with not even a purported reason but to demonstrate your privilege. Save for repeating such a showing but done in an empty Scientology building, or maybe a tour of Candy Spelling’s home, I can’t think of a more repulsive ten minutes of TV (and I watched Dr. Pimple Popper, My 600-lb Life, AND Botched this week).

 

*yeah, I know, but it at least makes more sense than [Phil] in the Blanks Which Mysonjay Came Up With. The standards are obviously low.

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6 hours ago, methadonna said:

*yeah, I know, but it at least makes more sense than [Phil] in the Blanks Which Mysonjay Came Up With. The standards are obviously low.

Girl you are brilliant.  Best post ever.

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1 hour ago, parrotfeathers said:

Girl you are brilliant.  Best post ever.

I could never have said it better. Thank you, Methadonna!

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17 hours ago, Gam2 said:

And all Mike did today was repeat words that Shill has said a million times. If you don’t have a job, your job is to look for a job 8 hours a day, etc. Zzzzzzzzzzz.

You know what I thought while watching this?  The guy, Mike, is giving out-dated advice.  There is no way one is going to find a job by pounding the pavement anymore.  For one thing, unless you live in a large metropolitan area, there isn't much pavement to pound.  In the suburbs, businesses are miles away from each other.  I guess I'm taking Mike literally, but the more effective way to run a job search these days is to get on all the employment sites with a valid resume and look at their postings and do the quick apply option.  

Indeed is running a commercial with just this intent these days.  Kid graduates college, comes home to live with mom and dad, constantly on his phone.  Finally, dad becomes exasperated at the dinner table and takes phone away.  Message on phone says 'two interviews scheduled'.  

This is the job search process.  Not walking into businesses without an appointment.  Half the time, one can't even get through the front door without an appointment.

The real help should have been to get this kid to finish his high school.  No one is going to hire him without completing at least basic education.  When they interview him, the inevitable question is going to be, what have you been doing for the last five years?  This guy is going to need help with a resume and help with interviewing skills.

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Regarding today's show and the young female guest with anorexia says (and Phil agrees with her) "There is no such thing as coincidence"

I just came here to say "Yes. Yes, there is and that is why we have a word for them"

Also-Phil just had to fucking Bird Box this guest and also exploit her by putting her body on the screen didn't he? SMDH

Edited by GiveMeSpace · Reason: to specify that putting her body on the screen is not Bird Boxing=the blindfold thing was
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On 1/22/2019 at 2:35 PM, Gam2 said:

Ugh. He was on again today with the deadbeat son/daddy of 3. I’m sick of Mike already.

Sick of his greasy face!! He totally creeps me out!!

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53 minutes ago, parrotfeathers said:

Is there something wrong with Dr. P's neck?

I seem to recall he injured it an accident (off-roading maybe?).  It's pretty obvious now that he's turning his whole body to look at the big screen behind him, instead of just swiveling his neck.

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Bwahaha!  Next time I'm in an uncomfortable conversation I'm just gonna fall out on the floor .   

This show just gets more Springer Circus everyday.

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8 minutes ago, zillabreeze said:

Next time I'm in an uncomfortable conversation I'm just gonna fall out on the floor

I know!  All those years I spent learning to be a responsible child, teen & adult who could: handle stressful situations, patiently listen until my turn to speak, disagree respectfully but firmly, cope when someone gave me bad news, rally when the odds weren’t in my favor and know how to ask for help when I was struggling....WASTED!  Who knew all I ever really needed was to take lessons from those fainting goat videos I see on YouTube.  This little trick could be very useful.  “Um, BusyOctober, it’s your turn to run the staff meeting, and....Oh my God! Are you OK?!?! Help! BusyOctober dropped outta her chair like a sack of potatoes! Call 911!”  

Whatever that guy’s strong suits are, it sure as hell ain’t ‘acting’.  My blind 98 year old grandmother could see he was faking.

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36 minutes ago, BusyOctober said:

This little trick could be very useful.  “Um, BusyOctober, it’s your turn to run the staff meeting, and....Oh my God! Are you OK?!?! Help! BusyOctober dropped outta her chair like a sack of potatoes! Call 911!”  

This made me LOL.  It was exactly the situation I was dreaming of because I abhor public speaking.  

I wanted to gif the Fainting Goats with my post, but my phone browser won't let me.  At least the goats are cute!  Little Smarmy McSleezy had no visible attributes.

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I liked the way Phil was getting all revved up to yell at the mom and trot out his mandated reporter line when she said she did move out and didn’t live with her nutty husband.

And I’m sorry but if you are charmed by your recently dead friend’s husband proposing to you over a Walmart loudspeaker-you kind of deserve him. 

Edited by Madding crowd
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13 hours ago, zillabreeze said:

Bwahaha!  Next time I'm in an uncomfortable conversation I'm just gonna fall out on the floor . 

This show just gets more Springer Circus everyday.

Definitely in Jerry Springer territory. I have to try the hyperventilating and falling on the floor the next time I'm called out for being an asshole.
 

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Aww, thanks, @parrotfeathers and @Gam2! I know I tend to go way too tl;dr, so I delete most of the posts I write, because I’m afraid they’re ... too much. It may be pathetic to admit—and I’m being totally earnest here and not thirst-trapping (did I use that right? Again, Old... ;-) <—— Like dat. I am physically incapable of using emojis*, and truth in advertising limits my use of LOL to when I literally am, but take me back to 1993 and I’m cool with a well-placed emoticon—but that made my day. (So much, apparently, that it took another two to get around to remembering to finish posting). But, legit.

*Not true: I am now capable of using them, after my 69-year-old mother showed me they were right there on the keyboard. Last month. I couldn’t figure out how someone thinks that my being able to forward a message makes me like some giant of industry had figured out how to search, download  and embed images of a million yellow smiley faces and a pile of poop, when she can’t understand that Safari and Firefox can bring you to the same place; I’m not sure if I’m more or less impressed by the reality, but I’d prefer she wiped the knowledge from her brain (and its abilities from shitting all over her texts) and used that place to store the memory that Google isn’t a separate program she needs to close Firefox to open because “that’s where [her] email is.” Sigh. 

 

Also, I humbly apologize for not using his proper honorarium before and just calling him Mike instead of Coach Mike. I got confused because I thought I was watching an infomercial talk  show, not playing football. But I guess if Phil can call himself Doctor Phil, Mike can call himself Coach Mike. Btw, from now on, I shall only be addressed as HRH Queen Methadonna.

 

Maybe Coach Mike offers life-coaching in being concise? I know I’d probably have to pay for all the LC I - LC XII first, but eventually I’d Go Clear and Concise and then I could walk through walls and write something short enough to tweet and be on Dr. Phil (As Her Royal Queen Methadonna, natch, ‘cause ... I say so, but only in one of the episodes where everyone gets bad wigs and facial hair to fake identities to go along with the fake story. But I’ll be coached to stay in my chair) and all sorts of sobperpowers.

 

Also, watching the show today two days ago (besides learning that making someone with severe anxiety don a blindfold in a room filled with strangers is therapeutic ... even if just watching it made me so anxious I fell off the bed and developed a fully-breathed stutter ‘cause that’s what I thought it sounds like when someone gasping for air tries to talk. Which I couldn’t even cure ‘cause I don’t know what else has tryptophan besides turkey and I don’t eat meat. Hopefully caramel Frappuccinos are chock full of it, though. I did learn from Phil that anxiety comes from the inverse of what causes depression. Which made total sense for how often they’re diagnosed together. At least I could rely on my rule that Phil is chock full of [insert proper emoji here]), I noticed that I had gotten the pocast title That Mysonjay Came Up With wrong: the brackets surround “blanks”, not “Phil.” Still dumber than fuck and Robin, but it opens up another realm of possibilities if I take it literally and assume those brackets are denoting that another word or phrase has been replaced by “blanks...”.

 

Phil in the Skin Poistion Lab, Phil in the Doghouse, Phil in the Gutter, Phil in the Can Making an Emoji, Phil in the Beverlyhillbillies McMansion Christmas Wonderland that Robin Made ALL BY HERSELF When She Wasn’t Testifying on Capitol Hill** That Abuse of Women is Bad or Being An Advocate for The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Foster System To Which Her Husband Is Maybe a Mandated Reporter ... [you get the point. Vaguely Applicable Punctuation and Italicized Emphasis].

**Does anyone else picture this oft-reported claim literally, with Robs standing outside on the publicly accessible green part—Anthony there to Have Her Back, like, actually psupporting it so the greater weight of her head doesn’t make her fall over like some guy who romances women on mywifebedead.com and The People of Walmart’s Huntin Socks Aisle—ranting (in that Keepin’ Sweetly Ranting kinda way) at  interns just tryin’ to get to their Congressional Rep’s office or wherever the ones who aren’t being sexually exploited go to do actual policy or coffee-schlepping work and not sex work, like the Operation Rescue or Independent Church of Me crazies would on my college campus, trying to get anyone to listen to how When West Virginia Smiled is a logical name for an organization to create awareness of the needs of battered women or look at her graphic ‘shopped posters of the atrocities seen in Agatha Hannigan’s Home for Girls and other accurate representations of foster care? Just me? Fine: phil in the blanks of your imagination, bitches. And then decorate it with top-shelf Christmas tinsel and plump it up with OMG Is That Beautifully Pre-Wrapped Botox for Me?

Edited by methadonna · Reason: Strikethrough is not my friend. Editing it is even less so.
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