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S02.E07: Episode 7


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Joe and Samantha address the controversy surrounding their relationship; Juelia asks Chris Harrison for an unprecedented favor; Tanner and Jade visit Tequila, Mexico; notorious Nick Peterson returns and takes Ashley S. on a date; Jared ends his relationship with Ashley I., leaving her in tears.

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Within the first few minutes of the show, I realized how nice it was to have had a 5-day break from the Joe-Juellia story. Among all of his other faults, Joe said "conversate." He just keeps getting worse.  

 

Instead of watching Juellia beg to CH to stay and bring back Mike, I would have rather watched CH and that regular-looking man have their friendly conversation (which ended when Juellia gave him the bum's rush). I just don't want to hear about the Joe-Juellia sitch ever again on this show. 

 

A haircut/style would really suit Samantha. That Crystal Gayle shit needs to be chopped. Her excuse for acting different toward Joe -- total BS. She gave zero shits about Joe's reputation when her so-called friends were telling her.  Yet, she seems to be effected by it now?  Uh no -- she's feeling twisted because another dude she was texting/sexting/phoning just showed up in Paradise. And because I believe that producer trickery determines everything, her breakup also had something to do with 1) letting the higher-ups get back at Joe for the "poor single mom Juellia" situation and 2) making one of the female contestants play the role of the 'cad,' since the males were racking up all the cad points. 

 

JJ must have gotten a bonus check (more like a gift card to Outback Steak House) from CH and the producers for keeping Ashley S around and decreasing the pool of contestants.  

 

On Ashley S' and that guy's date -OMG to the blackbird's caption and wiener close-ups.  In Ashley S' TH while on the date, she transformed into SNL Cecily Strong's Girl You Wished You Hadn't Started a Conversation with at a Party. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fsc_5sWY_9M]

 

Ashley I: Kaitlyn, I'm trying to have your sloppy seconds, and he just won't be into me. Waaaaah, I have the worst life. I even painted my nails white to match my bikini, and for WHAT? No one cares. I hate life. {sniff} {whine}

Kaitlyn: WHAT?!!  How can I help? I soooo want you to have my sloppy seconds, girl! 

Ashley I: {snort} {sniff} {sniff}

 

Looking past the tequila-marinated date, I'll give kudos to Ashley S for continuing to have great hair and makeup.

 

I'm so pleased to switch from BIP to Robin Roberts' special on the 10-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina right now....I need a dose of authentic American life.

  • Love 9
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I thought the way the show worked was that if no one wanted to have sex with you, you had to go home.   Juelia is still here why?      

 

Can Jonathon get a mulligan?    Sorry, but he's cute, and I wouldn't mind him hooking up with someone else cute.   Juelia is homely, and the upcoming Mikey kiss is more painful than falling into a cactus.    I am sorry, but she's a whiny little scut, and no better than Samantha.   

  • Love 11
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The raven advising Ashley S to eat Nick's fruits that were ripe for the picking had me laughing so hard, I couldn't believe the Show was pandering that hard. They made a comical drunk couple, but I can't see it going anywhere further as the hangover fades.

  • Love 7
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Jade was so monotone when she told Tanner she was falling for him too. Better stick to the nudies Jade because you suck as an actress!

She is incredibly dull.   I like to think she's shy, but probably just dumb.   Dark green is her color, though.   

  • Love 4
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I never thought I would be glad to see Ashley I crying again, but it was a welcome respite from the Joe/Juelia/Samantha crisis that seemingly was never going to end. 

 

People were acting like Juelia leaving was equivalent to her walking to her execution or something.

 

 

Either that or she was going to be tossed into a volcano, what with a way the rest of the BIP cast (save Joe and Samantha) were straining their pea brains to figure out a way for her to stay. And all I could think was, how is their strategizing to keep Juelia around any different than what Joe did? Less douchey maybe, but really no different. 

 

Ironically, keeping her around placed her in a fate worth than death (or Joe). Now she's stuck with Mikey. And is it me, or was Juelia not the one who contorted herself in what can only be described as a full body dry heave to avoid having to kiss Mikey? But now apparently he was the one that got away.

 

Good luck with that Juelia. 

  • Love 13
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I DO NOT understand all this Juelia drama. Are there not men in her hometown? Why does this group of yahoo's feel they can decide who is deserving of hanging around for love. Also, didn't Juelia have a thing with Jonathan too? They should've brought him back, but that may be too much melanin on the show.

Who knew JJ would wind up one of my favorite people? He needed a 21 gun salute after that exit.

  • Love 16
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JJ's exit made no sense to me. He offered Juelia his rose and she said, "No, you must follow your heart!" So he follows his heart right off the show, in the process tossing his rose to Ashley S. because "Juelia told me not to give her the rose." Huh, what? I'm pretty sure Juelia (trying to be noble?) meant, "I don't want you to give me the rose if it means you are limiting your own chance to find love here in Paradise," and not, "Don't you dare give me the rose under any circumstances!" I could just imagine her watching him leave, screaming inside her little head, "JJ, NOOOOOOO! I would have been TOTALLY OK with you giving me the rose if I had known you were walzing out of here anyway."

He gets points for furthering the script, but not whatever "good guy" points he seems to think he's earned.

  • Love 3
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The "save Juelia" storyline was b.s. Dating in this paradise isn't a very solid option for a single mother looking for love, and certainly not the only option (did I hear Carly right??).

I hope Juelia doesn't fall for Mikey, only to have a new woman arrive and hook him. But then maybe she'll head home to her daughter?

I don't get a feel for the alleged strong friendship between Juelia and Samantha prior to their BiP appearances.

  • Love 3
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So last week Clare gave her rose to JJ to save him, and this week no one cares about her at all. No one says, JJ you should save Clare since she saved you last time. Everyone is on board the Juelia train. And then I heard Juelia say she went on vacations with Samantha in between gigs so yea, you don't care about your kid. And what horrible fate would befall her if she left; that's right she would have to actually raise her daughter. Why didn't Clare have a chance to bring back somebody for a 'second chance'?

 

Samantha seems like a robot to me, she and Joe both have zero personality so they really should stay together. She also seems like she is not a nice person. There really isn't much excitement when new people come because everyone is paired up and there is usually only person for them to choose from. It would be much better to mix things up and make existing couples go on dates with new people; otherwise no surprises.

 

Nothing usually shocks me but the close of shots of Nick and his possible boner complete with narration by a bird was just cringe inducting. ABC is usually family friendly, but this was so not FF. I actually was going to turn the channel when my teenager walked in cause it was just in such bad taste (Note; I don't care if he sees girls in bikini's or even love scenes in shows or movies, this was just crass). 

 

I'm hoping Jared leaves voluntarily, I assume he is there for some type of acting gig or something. He is not tall enough to model and seems way too quiet for any other type of entertainment job. Love the really exciting scenes of he and Ashley I sitting there and not speaking. 

 

Clare was the only one I liked (well maybe Tenley a little bit), so I hope something, anything happens next time. i don't care about synth Samantha or pug faced Joe.

Edited by Madding crowd
  • Love 12
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I love how they had JJ throw out an endless stream of platitudes on his way off the show, and then tied it up with him saying,"I hope I didn't say anything stupid."

His super dramatic soundtrack as he described how being there helped him figure out who he was and who he wanted was perfect as well. And God help me, I have become a JJ fan.

I also noticed this week that Jared and Ashley I. look enough alike to be brother and sister.

Edited by Pixel
  • Love 11
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I DO NOT understand all this Juelia drama

 

Yeah it's gone on way too long now. I find it hilarious that this is seemingly the only place for her to find love. As if. Having said that, I still find Joe and Samantha so gross I kind of still end up on  Juelia's side!

 

 

And is it me, or was Juelia not the one who contorted herself in what can only be described as a full body dry heave to avoid having to kiss Mikey?

 

Well he was trying to kiss her right during her 'I love Joe' phase and right after he told her Joe wasn't a good guy. That might have had something to do with. I don't think Mikey is a bad lug. Just a bit dim.

 

Samantha is the real villy! Look how fast she dumped dumb fugly Joe when the other dude she was texting with showed up!

 

I don't understand all these dude's lining up for Samantha. She hasn't shown a bit of personality so far. She's pretty but she has got to do something with that hair.

 

Edited to add: maybe someone can explain this to me like I'm Mikey ... how does Joe figure having the text messages from Samantha make what he did any better?!? I mean he still went along with it! He thinks that those text messages will make his actions seem okay?

 

Conversate. Did he really say conversate?!?

Edited by hypnotoad
  • Love 7
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Waaaaah, I have the worst life. I even painted my nails white to match my bikini, and for WHAT?

Yeah, but they were fakes.  The forefinger and thumb nails on her right hand had popped off at some point.  Probably due to the stress & hysteria.  

  • Love 1
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I did like when the producer told Joe that his face didn't look happy, and he responded that "my face never looks happy!" Hah.

I less so enjoyed listening to Ashley and Nick failing to understand the dock worker who spoke to them in ENGLISH. Super awkward.

Edited by Kloie
  • Love 14
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Conversate. Did he really say conversate?!?

 

yeah, Joe said he and Samantha had "conversated"  before the show.  

But CLARE!  Clare said "Supposably"  - so she HAD to go!!

 

ETA:   And then  at the very end, Joe talked about "Samantha and I's relationship"   He needs to punished.

Edited by backformore
  • Love 9
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Here's my translation of Samantha's 180 degree turn on Joe:

 

She WAS into Joe, and when Nick arrived she may have had a pang of regret for being tied to Joe so quickly, but since she was still having an okay time with him she decided to see it through.

 

That night, she had sex with Joe.

 

It was terrible.

 

The next day was his birthday.

 

The sex was so bad that she couldn't even wait until his birthday was over to dump him.

  • Love 9
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I'm confused as to whether or not Samantha knows how reality TV shows work.  At the end of her "How to Vil 101: Reveal My Evil Scheme for No Apparent Reason" review with Joe, she saw that a camera had been there the whole time.  So she knows that the TV audience knows that she's full of shit.  When Tanner and Jade took her and Joe aside (whyyyy?!?!??) before the rose ceremony, Tanner told her that everyone on the show knew she was full of shit.  But she keeps on plowing ahead with these rehearsed answers, even though this thing has completely gone off-script.

  • Love 3
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And is it me, or was Juelia not the one who contorted herself in what can only be described as a full body dry heave to avoid having to kiss Mikey?

 

Well he was trying to kiss her right during her 'I love Joe' phase and right after he told her Joe wasn't a good guy. That might have had something to do with. I don't think Mikey is a bad lug. Just a bit dim.

 

 

My point exactly. At what point was there ever ANY indication that Mikey was even remotely a choice Juelia considered? There was that one incredibly awkward moment with Mikey. That is it. Yet tonight we see Juelia acting as if choosing Mikey was the road not taken and begging Harrison to have Mikey come back. Such horseshit. 

  • Love 10
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Why on earth do the producers/editors of this show think that having a dozen of the dumbest people on the planet stuck on an island to begin with and then wasting hour after hour after hour on hoked up stupid shit between the two dimmest of the bunch is entertaining in any way? Anybody know what the ratings have been? Surely they've plummited from last year.

  • Love 3
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I laughed and laughed at Dan's moral dilemma, and his seeking council with Carly, over whether to give the sainted widow the rose earned by her personal suffering, or to the fresh arrival he'd like to bang. Of course after all his pearl-clutching over Joe's behavior and heroic meddling on Juelia's behalf, he picked Amber. Dumbass.

 

Is Juelia pregnant? She looked like she was mid-second-trimester in that yellow skirt.

 

Joe certainly didn't make any friends among the editors. They're ripping him to shreds. Loved his saddest birthday evah and can't wait until his epic meltdown when Samantha starts doing the Paradise circuit. I used to think she was pretty in a 1970s Wonder Woman kind of way, but now she just looks like a witch to me.

  • Love 7
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I can't stand Juelia (sp?) and all the people saying she deserves or is entitled to a rose/finding love….and that this is the only place for her to find love.

Also I disliked how so many of them expect Dan (ugh, I can't believe I use to think he was hot…his personality is a bigger turn off) to through away a chance at "love" because Juelia is more entitled than he is…WTF.

What's up with CH's shaming of Joe and sanctifying Juelia at the rose ceremony? What about the others who have "used" people for roses. Wait, it must be the single mother card. UGH! Couldn't she have met some guy on all those vacations she took with Sam?

The more they spin the "poor little (lol) Juelia" card the more I dislike her. I can't stand Joe but I dislike Sam more but I think I may actually dislike Juelia more than the two of them. Still a JJ fan:-)

Jade does not seem into Tanner but I guess she is thinking she can get more exposure and maybe become the next Lacey

Edited by Vicky8675309
  • Love 8
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If Juelia and Mikey have both already been eliminated, and she's "just a poor widow looking for love", why can't they pursue their relationship (ha!) off the show? I'm so sick and tired of that woman.

 

Nick did himself no favors coming back. I used to think of him as the dark horse who won it all on Bachelor Pad 3, and now I'm going to think of him as the guy who was rejected by the girl who gives hand jobs in hot tubs. He's also not looking nearly as good as he used to.

 

Staying in the shallow end of the snark pool, what was up with all that hideous rose ceremony styling? Kirk's suspenders, Jade's combover, Amber's frizz, Juelia's whole outfit, the cheap costume jewelry on most of the women, oh my! Only Tenley looked cute with her chignon and black & white dress.

  • Love 6
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This is after all a reality type game show, right?  Aren't there some kind of rules about changing the rules mid-game?  That's why if the Amazing Race wants a particular couple to advance, they can't all of a sudden decide that it's a non-elimination leg.  So why is this show any different?  It was planned that two people were going home tonight, right?  Why are the producers allowed to just bring back Mikey so poor Juelia isn't bawling all the way back home?  The producer manipulation of this show is ridiculous. 

 

As others have said, I don't see why everybody was all so up in arms that poor Juelia was going to be sent home and have to spend the rest of her life as a single woman with nary a chance to meet a nice man.  Because we know that all eligible men are on Bachelor in Paradise and nowhere else.  Joe is a douche, but he just played the game the way it was meant to be played.  If you don't see anybody that you're attracted to, you have to make a connection with somebody to stick around until somebody better lands on the island.  Right???  At least that's how I see it.  Yes, it's too bad that the single widowed mom was the one that got played, but somebody has to be played in order for the show to continue.  It's as if everybody on the island feels that the first person that you lock lips with has to be the person you go to the end of the show with.  Ridiculous.

 

Did I miss part of the show, or did we even get much of an exit from Clare?  Seemed like nobody cared that she was gone.

  • Love 10
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I'm thinkin' crossover : Hugh Dancy as Will Graham from Hannibal shows up and lures females to where Hannibal is who can snack on them. Or maybe the killer animals from CBS's Zoo can wander over.

So JJ managed to shock everyone, Juelia found a fellow dimwit, Joe and Sam continue to irritate the snot out of me and I bet poor Jorge does not get paid nearly enough.

  • Love 3
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HA! Did you notice Ashley I mentioned it was better kissing Jared than Bachelor Chris's "paper thin lips"?

 

Did I miss part of the show, or did we even get much of an exit from Clare?

 

Clare said she is done with BIP and if they would have made her The Bachelorette she would have found someone. I think she would have been better than the last two but now that ship has sailed.

Edited by Armchair Critic
  • Love 8
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I never thought I would be able to tolerate JJ, let alone like him. That overblown patriotic send-off was perfect! I hope his girl takes him back, as stupid as it was for him to leave.

Samantha's turn around has nothing to do with drama, since she was the one brushing off the drama, saying to ignore them, and is fully aware that she's part of it; her turnaround has everything to do with fresh bone arriving in camp.

As far as being pretty: Her eyes are a pretty color, but her face is pinched and old-looking...not in a wrinkly way, but how someone looks when they have no teeth. There's something weird about her mouth. Idk., but she's far from perfect. She's more like a Kentucky 8, a New York 6, and a California 4. **My scoring system may be plus or minus a bit ;)

Joe is getting what he deserves.

I'm over Juelia ! They didn't realize how ridiculous they sounded juxtaposing Juelia's single mother status with the blather about finding love, what's she supposed to do, how much she loves her daughter, etc. I don't remember exactly what was said, but my answer was, "If that's the case, quit famewhoring so much that you're now convincing yourself that Mikey is the one, and go home and raise your daughter you supposedly miss so much!

Ashely Eye --wahhhh. He was never into her, Kaitlyn is his excuse, and whoever said she has issues is right on. I've never met a 14 year old who acts like she does, never mind a grown woman. She is worse than...

Clare: I love Clare. I had mixed feelings about her on JP's season, but she grew and grew on me. I would like to have seen her stay and find someone.

I cracked up at Ashey S and her drunk antics. She sounded trashed, but alcohol and pills don't mix well anyway, and I suspect she has a fair supply of benzos.

I DIED at her Grandpa Dan comment! Lol!

Eta: A pug, yes! Joe looks like a pug crossed with a troll doll. I didn't like him in Kaitlyn's season, so I'm not surprised by his douchiness. I never found him attractive. Blech.

Edited by Scorpiosunshine
  • Love 10
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yeah, Joe said he and Samantha had "conversated"  before the show. 

But CLARE!  Clare said "Supposably"  - so she HAD to go!!

 

...and which one of these scholars are going start a sentence with "irregardless"?

  • Love 1
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There were a lot of things I didn't understand in this episode.  If JJ was leaving why was he allowed to give out a rose?  Why did Dan consult with Carly before he gave out his rose?  Carly of all people!  That was just weird.  Dan really surprised me when he gave his rose to Amber though. 

 

If everyone was so concerned about Whoolia why didn't Jared give her his rose and let Ashley go?  He doesn't like her anyway.  And why on earth did they bring back Mikey?  I was glad that Whoolia was finally hitting the road and here she comes right back again.  And all this crap about a connection or a spark they had at the beginning.  Unless they showed it off camera, I didn't see a thing.  He fooled around with Ashley's sister the first day and then moved on to Clare.  Whoolia is way more desperate then I thought to ask to bring back Mikey.  And she thought he was so sweet because he got home and then turned all the way around and came back just for her.  Uh huh.  Wishful thinking again.  He was probably stashed in a hotel nearby.  That chick needs a dose of reality.

Edited by PeachyBeach
  • Love 7
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LOL at this show making it seem like they brought Mikey back just because Juelia asked:  with JJ gone, they were down one guy.  They needed to bring one of them back.

 

And hats off to JJ (at least until the editors threw in that last sentence).  It's clear now that he came on the show to rehab his image, not find love.  He spent so much time and effort on Joe only to show himself in a more positive light.  That leaving speech was clearly prepared in advance.  And he achieved his goal.  He came out of this as the good guy.  Time to get out while the getting's good.

  • Love 5
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Juelia was just too much. She acted like she was off to her execution. And then barging in on Chris so that she could express that Joe prevented her from realizing her one true love. I was go happy when she didn't get a rose (in spite of everyone stating that she 'deserved a rose') and then BAM! they bring Mikey back so that poor widdle Juelia can stay. I actually think they are ruining the potential for this franchise as they are shaming people for playing the game in order to find their true love. Why isn't Jared getting similar treatment? After all, he kissed Ashley before the women gave out the roses to insure that he would get one. Dan did the same thing with the other Ashley. Oh well. Maybe now that Juelia is happy she won't be on screen as much.

  • Love 8
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Geez, Samantha is a total psycho.  She is just cold!  I actually had a slight moment of feeling bad for Joe, which makes me hate her even more.  Her chat with Joe, when she dumped him, was crazy.  Umm, if you don't like drama, honey, don't chat and text with two different guys and then tell the producers of BiP that you want them on the show.  And don't lie to everyone about what you were or were not doing.  That's pretty much an open invitation for drama to happen.  Stupid.

 

Bye Clare!  You were awesome crazy.  I will miss you.  But you are much better off away from this trainwreck.

  • Love 10
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This Ju-EL-ia drama makes me SO ANGRY. Not at Joe or Samantha, but at the other idiots for turning the show into one big husband-finding mission for Ju-EL-ia. Isn't it supposed to be about young, attractive people hooking up?

The worst part is that I'm sure there are rubes in the audience who stood up and cheered when Ju-EL-ia was given a stay of execution. As much as we'd like to think we're the target audience, all these machinations are for the benefit of people who think that (i) the cast is currently in Mexico, filming next week's episode; (ii) Clare actually called a raccoon with an iPhone; and (iii) this show is Ju-EL-ia's best and only shot at finding a husband.

  • Love 14
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I almost forgot about Ashley I's call to Kaitlyn, ""He's obsessed with you? He can't stop thinking about you? He can't get over you and he's completely consumed and it sucks for me!"

 

Seriously?  I think that's like when he told whats-her-face she was too old for him.  Kaitlyn was a convenient excuse.  I think he's just a wuss who doesn't know how to break things off when he's not feeling it.  And it's worse on this show when one date apparently is the equivalent of a marriage proposal.

  • Love 14
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Well to be fair there probably is no good way to break it off with Ashley I. I imagine "I'm breaking it off because my pancreatic cancer is terminal and I have 2 weeks left to live and I intend to spend that with my parents and siblings" would set her off too.

  • Love 8
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I'm wondering how much Kaitlyn got paid for being on the other end of that phone precisely when Ashley I was in her talking head and sobbing.  Because you just know a producer was sitting there saying "Do you think this is all Kaitlyn's fault?...we could call her right now...If she had let go of Jared sooner, he'd be totally in love with you right now...Here's the phone, it's already ringing...."

Edited by leighdear
  • Love 9
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Whatever it was, she didn't get paid enough.  I hope the producers at least gave Kaitlynn warning about what was coming.  Can you imagine being on the other end of that trainwreck???

  • Love 2
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When the military drum roll and marching music began and JJ stood there pontificating like Patton about bravery and courage, I thought for a minute he was going to say something about the US Airmen who tackled the terrorist who was brandishing the AK-47 on the train. But no. JJ was talking about himself and how every woman in the world would admire him now because -- he gave someone a rose and went on home from a game show where all the girls he wanted to screw were already hooked up. Wont that girl back home be tickled when JJ returns and proposes? They can live together in his parent's basement.

I just can't stand Whooelia. Clearly some grandparent is raising that little girl while she goes on TV-shows and vacations and if she's looking for love with men who live in other states we can only hope for the baby's sake she doesn't find it and take the child away from whoever she's bonded with.

Hearing almost the entire cast talk about how Jeweleeuh deserves to stay more than anyone else made me think less of all of them.

A raccoon "talking" for a therapist? Cute. A bird "talking" for a penis? Not cute.

Poor Tanner, such a heart felt declaration of feeling for Jade, met by a blank stare while she racks her brain for the words, "Me too." I fear that during her wild mustang days she might have damaged some brain cells.

Bye Clare. I'll miss you but I was glad to hear you say you were retiring while you still have some self respect.

  • Love 19
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If Juelia and Mikey have both already been eliminated, and she's "just a poor widow looking for love", why can't they pursue their relationship (ha!) off the show? I'm so sick and tired of that woman.

 

I agree.  If I hear one more person saying "Juelia", I will scream.  It has gotten to be too much about how all they talk about is her.  She is boring and only average attractiveness (nothing wrong with that...just saying I don't get the fuss).  

 

I find it humorous how Joe doesn't see what he is going with Samantha (going on and on about how things are different all of the sudden) is any different than what Juelia was doing with him.  Granted Joe and Sam had more of a connection, but now he gets to be on the other end of things.  

 

And Samantha should know she had a good edit on the Bachelor, and a terrible one here... this will only get her negative attention for future venues.

  • Love 3
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