S03.E04: More Than Words

[Tara Ariano]

Lena's estranged half brother visits, and she wants him to apologize to her mom for something he said many years ago. Meanwhile, Cole extends an invitation to a LGBTQ prom to Callie, Jude and Connor.

[Ikki]

I was annoyed with the beginning dance scene. Of the LGBTQ+ youth dances that I've been to (five total), I've never seen anyone introduce themselves with "Hi, I'm _____, and I'm gay." Sometimes people would say their pronouns, but not sexual orientation like that. And in spaces where people do sometimes say labels they identify with in their introductions, like at GSAs, it's supposed to be clear that it's fine not to say something, even if everyone else has.

 

I was just annoyed by it. It's quite possibly realistic (not based on my experiences, but), just realistic or not I found it annoying.

 

(I was kind of annoyed by this episode in general, but let's start there.)

Edited June 30, 2015 by Ikki

[calliope1975]

As much as I am a shipper at heart, my eyeballs just about rolled out of my head when AJ told Callie he was jealous. I like this show much more when it's only about family drama and not the teens' relationships. 

 

I felt for poor Judicorn. You do you. I know he did label himself for Connor, but I'm fine with Jude continuing to figure himself out. 

 

I'm not sure how I feel about Lena's brother and that story line. Maybe I was expecting a better resolution. It all seemed awkward. 

[KaveDweller]

Brandon's little stunt was really dumb, I'm not sure how he thought that was going to end well.  

 

I was annoyed with the beginning dance scene. Of the LGBTQ+ youth dances that I've been to (five total), I've never seen anyone introduce themselves with "Hi, I'm _____, and I'm gay." Sometimes people would say their pronouns, but not sexual orientation like that. And in spaces where people do sometimes say labels they identify with in their introductions, like at GSAs, it's supposed to be clear that it's fine not to say something, even if everyone else has.

 

I was just annoyed by it. It's quite possibly realistic (not based on my experiences, but), just realistic or not I found it annoying.

 

(I was kind of annoyed by this episode in general, but let's start there.)

 

I've never been to any kind of event like that and I thought it was odd that people questioned Jude's non-labeling.  I get that maybe some kids would feel comfortable making announcements about themselves because they feel supported, but I would also expect them to understand a person not being ready to do it themselves.

 

I can see warning an adult gay male that they should be cautious about a person who might not really be gay and will never get serious, but Jude and Connor are really young and should just be about experiencing life and figuring themselves out.

[izabella]

I think Mariana did the right thing to break up with her boyfriend since she's so conflicted, but I think she just did it so she wouldn't have to tell him about Wyatt.  She probably knows she needs to tell Callie, too, but she's putting it off as long as she can.

 

I'm not sure how I felt about that family reunion.  It seemed heavy-handed and inserted oddly into the show.

[ShortyMac]

(I was kind of annoyed by this episode in general)

 

Me, too. I didn't really like this episode at all. Way too much drama. Every story line involved drama of some sort.

 

I didn't like that Mariana left Mat on such bad terms. It made me sad. I wish that she felt she could be honest with him about Wyatt, but I know she feels horrible about cheating on him and doesn't want to hurt him. I wonder how that's going to come out and how Callie will react?

 

Brandon plagiarizing Bach seems out of character for him, given how much he loves piano and music. I know that Kat was giving him a hard time, but I don't buy that he would do something like that.

 

I don't think it was fair to Callie that Cole got so mad at her; he didn't have to take her to the dance just because she offered. He's the one who made a move on her that she didn't reciprocate.

 

 I agree that Jude should have done what was best for him and not give in to some "label" if he didn't want to.

 

Ugh, PLEASE no AJ/Callie. Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!

 

I didn't like how Lena handled things with Nate. She should have just done the adult thing and pulled him aside and talked to him. I agree that what he did was horrible and wrong, but I don't think it was fair to his girlfriend to be in the middle of that. I guess since Nate wouldn't admit to anything, it shows that he hasn't really changed. 

 

It's going to be interesting to see how Brandon's cheating/expulsion from Idyllwild and Callie's firing from the center are found out and handled.

 

Again, too much drama for my taste.

[SparklesBitch]

I've never seen anyone introduce themselves with "Hi, I'm _____, and I'm gay." Sometimes people would say their pronouns, but not sexual orientation like that. And in spaces where people do sometimes say labels they identify with in their introductions, like at GSAs, it's supposed to be clear that it's fine not to say something, even if everyone else has.

 

So much this. It annoyed me too, but I wasn't sure if it was common with LGBT youth or not. I didn't come out until I was in my twenties, so my experiences are much more along the lines of "hey, I'm insert your name here" and the only other thing that got added to that was your choice of pronoun if you so chose something that differed from the norm.

 

Otherwise, I was so excited to see Cole!!! I loved that he was much more confident and happy with himself now, and enjoyed the way the date between him and Callie played out....that it became clear she wasn't interested in him romantically, but they talked it out like actual human beings with level heads even after all the emotions got addressed. Well done, show. I hope we get to see more of Cole in the future. Heck, I'd love to see anyone from Girls United come back again.

 

Didn't really care too much about Mariana or Brandon in this episode, but really, how did Brandon ever really think that what he did would turn out well? I have to say though, I did enjoy the look on the instructor's face when Brandon's partner (I was so bored by this storyline that I can't even remember her name) called the Bach piece uninspired. So funny!

 

Lastly, the whole debacle with Lena's family....I still don't know what to think. I was afraid at first that her dad (love the new actor, by the way!) knew about Nate calling his wife that word all along and was just sweeping it under the rug. I was extremely glad that wasn't the case. Strangely, I actually liked that he checked to see, just for a moment, if she perhaps heard him wrong, but then automatically took her at her word. I feel like it was true to someone wanting to be fair to both people that he loved even in that kind of situation. I wanted to smack the brother for not seeing the need to apologize. The jerk. I don't get why he bothered to reconnect with his dad in the first place. I felt really sorry for his girlfriend, getting dragged into that whole mess...and also for Lena's mom, what with her keeping mum about what her stepkid called her for 20 years for fear of it ruining the father son relationship.

 

I adored Stef's mostly quiet support of Lena and her feelings, and then was especially charmed by her finding a way to respectfully stand up for Lena against her mother when the whole "Lena's too sensitive" thing came up. Very sweet. Stef injecting her little bits of humor was great though. Her line about Lena's brother hiring an actress to play his girlfriend was super cute....and for normally level-headed Lena to seem to take the suggestion seriously for a second was even better.

 

Oh, and just on the family dynamics in general, all the grandparents on this show are super fantastic about welcoming all the children in the house with open arms. First with Callie and Jude and now AJ for however long he sticks around. I love that they automatically treat everyone like family.

 

Lastly, the fanfare with which the parents and grandparents treated the kids going off to the LGBT prom made me tear up. All this unconditional love and acceptance gets me right in the feels. =)

[ShortyMac]

Oh, and just on the family dynamics in general, all the grandparents on this show are super fantastic about welcoming all the children in the house with open arms. First with Callie and Jude and now AJ for however long he sticks around. I love that they automatically treat everyone like family.

 

Lastly, the fanfare with which the parents and grandparents treated the kids going off to the LGBT prom made me tear up. All this unconditional love and acceptance gets me right in the feels. =)

 

I meant to say this in my post as well. :)

[Valny]

I thought it was odd that people questioned Jude's non-labeling.  I get that maybe some kids would feel comfortable making announcements about themselves because they feel supported, but I would also expect them to understand a person not being ready to do it themselves

 

.

Right, if the kid doesn't want to be labeled, leave him alone. Everyone is different. I was fine Jude's "I don't like labels"/ I'm just Jude" stuff.  Back off people!   

 

So was that the real voice of Cole now? For a minute at the beach, it kind of sounded liked they played with his voice in post production. but that might have been me hearing it on my tv differently or maybe they had to loop his voice since it was filmed on the beach and it could have been a noisy background.  It just sounded a bit off to me.

 

I like the new dad too. He seems cool.  And that actor has been in so many things!

Had we heard about Lena's half brother before this? I can't recall.  I think I may have remembered them talking about him, but I could be hallucinating.  The brother's girlfriend- did she even utter one word? They could have had her say something!

 

Shallow thoughts-  AJ has a nice upper torso. Yes indeed! Not that I was staring.  Ahem

 

I'm not sure how I feel about Lena's brother and that story line. Maybe I was expecting a better resolution. It all seemed awkward

 

.  You know what was awkard?  Seeing Jude put his head on Connor's shoulder.  It just had an awkard look to it,(nothing against those two) I just think it might have looked better if his head was more like Connor's over Jude's shoulder.  Nitpick over.

Edited June 30, 2015 by Valny

[Perfect Xero]

Well, other than Stef cracking a few jokes that was just non-stop awkward. We went from awkward Marianna/Wyatt/Matt drama to awkward Lena/Mom drama, to awkward Brandon music drama, to awkward Lena/brother/family/girlfriend drama, to awkward Jude is Jude drama, to awkward Callie/Cole drama, and ended with the awkwardness of AJ hitting on Callie at a family dinner.

 

Kind of awkward seeing Keith from Scrubs in a serious role where he isn't supposed to be an affable bro. Also thought he looked kind of young to be playing Sherri's older brother.

 

My recording kind of glitched at the end of  the previous scene and picked back up in the middle of the scene where Lena's father was asking if Lena's mom had maybe misheard, so I guess I missed something. Why didn't Lena go through with her original plan to pull him aside and ask for an apology?

[dohe]

This show seems so intent on creating dramatic moments, it loses the track of what makes it fascinating.  It is a shame that the show's writers don't trust themselves. 

[Melgaypet]

 Also thought he looked kind of young to be playing Sherri's older brother.

 

I kind of thought so, too. So, curious, I looked it up. Turns out Travis Schuldt is, in fact, older than Sherri Saum - by all of thirteen days.

[Glade]

I was definitely annoyed by this episode too.  I really think Lena and her mother should have pulled Nate aside if it was so important to them, and had an in-depth conversation about their feeling and why it hurt them so much, more then a seventeen year old dealing with abandonment issues obviously fathomed at the time.  Personally, if I was one of their foster kids and knew that saying one word could apparently get myself estranged from the whole family for life, I wouldn't feel very secure.  Obviously Nate also still has hurt feelings himself though, so perhaps avoiding 'the past' wasn't going to work for anyone long-term.  I'm glad that the preview (which implied that Brandon had called Aj that word for stealing the baseball) was false.

 

It might not be 'everyone at the dance' who was introducing themselves like that, but just two people, one of whom was made into an antagonist for the sake of the drama.  There are plenty of glbtq youth who take Jude's position on labels.  I also understand that it isn't for everyone and it's ambiguous relationship to the closet is also a sensitive topic for a lot of people, and certainly having a closeted boyfriend can hurt a lot.  So no one was really wrong, these are just different perceptions and experiences, and Jude/Connor themselves know best about themselves and how to work their relationship.

 

Marriana was also really annoying and manipulative.  Not telling him that she cheated is one thing, but stirring up fake drama to get herself mad as if he's done some horrible thing to her really sucks.  Please do better next week, and don't act like you can just bury this all forever.

 

And one last annoyance--I didn't enjoy being teased about seeing lifeguard Wyatt and then having the camera veer away!

Edited June 30, 2015 by Glade

[omgsowicked]

I didn't really like this episode, mainly due to the execution of some of the plots.

 

- The dance: I didn't like the two older people at the dance pressing Jude and Connor on Jude's label. No one should be pressured to label themselves, especially not young teens who are in the process of discovering who they are. Honestly, it was their first LGBTQ dance, they were clearly nervous, why bug them about that? I dunno, that just didn't seem like the right thing to do. So when Jude labeled himself at the end, it seemed like he was giving in rather than really feeling it.

 

- The race plot: Lena had a very one-track mind in this episode, to the point where even Stef thought she was being paranoid, so I was hoping Nate really would have been remorseful. But no, apparently Lena was right to be angry all these years. It came off strange, having him seem so genuinely nice and polite, only to have him be a shifty, amnesia-ridden jerk (stealing little Lena's balloon?). Like, really, twenty years and he never grew from that? I don't believe it. I think there's a lot more going on and I hope they intend to bring him back because I'd like to see them explore that.

 

- AJ/Callie: Why. Why though. The only good thing about this is that when the actor livens up when he plays it flirty, which makes him so much more tolerable to watch. Other than that, no thank you. Between this and AJ stealing the baseball, it seems we're heading back into Brallie drama territory. Yay.

 

- Music camp: So Kat and Brandon were voted off the island. LOL. I'm glad the chillax guy wasn't actually screwing Brandon over... I didn't think he was, so I was surprised when they suggested that last week. I kind of hope he ends up at Anchor Beach, he's a cool dude.

 

Parts I did like: It was a nice surprise to see Cole again, good to see him so happy (seriously, you couldn't wipe that smile off his face). He and Callie were cute, and I'm glad they worked out their issues and they're still friends. Also, I thought Connor's joke shirt was funny.

[RachelKM]

I'm not sure how I felt about this episode.  But I actually think that's not a bad thing.  

 

I was super uncomfortable watching the Brandon part of the show.  I cannot imagine how he thought it was possible be could crib BACH for fuck sake and not get busted.  Upside, Kat's scheming backfired on her. 

 

I understood how hurt Lena was and I was glad that she and her mother addressed the issue both with one another (Yay Stef and her support of Lena and also her expression/exhale when she realized the conversation grenade had been lobbed)  and with Nate.  But my inner well trained host cringed at the conversation happening during a dinner with a relative stranger. 

 

Finally, and apropos of nothing, I am having a really hard time focusing on this thread because of the episode title.   For the last 25 years, I've referred to More Than Words as the Shut Up and Blow Me song.

[sirnico95]

At first I was annoyed too that Jude labeled himself. But especially after Cole and Jude talked and Cole told him that for some people it is helpful to label themselves if they are living in an rather unsupportive environment. Jude probably thinks that it is more important to make Connor feel loved and supported than not labeling himself. Furthermore in opinion it is very sweet of Jude not to follow his more or less "stubborn" I-don't-label-myself attitude anymore and concentrates more on Connor and their relationship.

[DeepPoet117]

So what's the age difference supposed to be between Nate and Lena? I had thought it was a larger gap, but they appeared to be similar in age.

 

I liked seeing Cole return. I hope he continues popping up every now and then. He's a cool character. I'm glad he and Callie were able to talk about their misunderstanding. But what was up with the jerk at the prom? Connor and Jude are clearly babies trying to figure stuff out. Why pressure them like that? It seemed very random and unrealistic.

[possibilities]

Still mulling the deeper issues, but some of my passing and less deep thoughts include:

 

AJ's wide-eyes WHAT NOW? look is kind of funny to me (in a good way).

 

Jude's IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING? when Connor showed up made him again sound like a granny. He seems uncharacteristically surly lately, while Connor remains uber aborable and totally enthusiastic. The Gavin is playing Connor in the most endearing in love cute and totally open way, and Hayden is playing Jude like he really doesn't want to be there. I am starting to wonder if it's an actor resistance problem rather than a show choice to make Jude suddenly so un-Judicornly since the couple stopped hiding.

 

I thought for sure Wyatt was going to tell Callie about his encounter with Mariana. He seems to be totally unaware that there might be An Issue there, which seems odd. I thought even guys kind of knew that sleeping with your ex's sister was the sort of thing that leads to drama, but he's seeming so chill in his texts with Mariana, like he's not clued in. I can't decide if that makes him more mature or less mature than the surrounding teens. I felt bad for Mat, because while I think teen monogamy is kind of ridiculous, Mariana is really not being honest with him and he's been totally cool and deserves better than the gaslight.

 

I admit I was gleeful when Brandon's piano partner scorned a Bach composition and got kicked out. It seemed quite stupid and out of character for Brandon to plagiarize The Master, but I kind of did enjoy seeing Kat get exposed. I suppose we will see she has mean parents or something, which is why she's such a shitty little pressured monster, but still, she's so awful, she's hard to feel sorry for.

[lilB1rdy]

I loved every Jude and Connor scene. It's so interesting to me because you'd assume Connor would be the one to not want to call himself gay. Jude always having conflict and not wanting to label himself (and deliberately hurting Connor in the process) was kind of annoying though so I'm happy he finally labelled himself. And the "I'm super gay for you" line was so cute.

 

I love looking at AJ and I like a Callie/AJ friendship but I don't like how Cole was pretty much just used this episode to further along a romance between Callie and AJ. Especially right after Callie told Cole she doesn't want a boyfriend right now, we suddenly have AJ flirting with her and then next episode looks like more flirting. Makes it look like Callie just told Cole she's not looking for a boyfriend to spare his feelings.

 

Mariana annoyed me this episode. Making Mat feel terrible about himself and breaking up with him just because she's mad at herself or whatever. I don't care for this whole plot.

 

I agree that the Lena/step brother drama was kind of random, unless maybe she's mentioned him before. I completely understand Lena's anger and I think she handled it the right way. And I loved how supportive Stef was. I felt a little bad for her brother just because you can tell he was feeling abandoned by his father again but then you remember what he said to his step mother and then I don't feel so bad for him. I did feel bad for his girlfriend though. I know his father apologized to her before kicking them out but including her in that "you need to leave this house" felt kind of harsh.

 

I really don't care about Brandon so all I know is he plagiarized Bach or something.

[Sesquipedalia]

I was super uncomfortable watching the Brandon part of the show.  I cannot imagine how he thought it was possible be could crib BACH for fuck sake and not get busted.  Upside, Kat's scheming backfired on her. 

But he didn't think he would not get busted. He picked that composition specifically to show up Kat. He knew the director would recognize it but Kat wouldn't, and her reaction proved that she was impossible to work with.

 

I'm guessing now that she has been humbled, they will get together and wow everyone with an amazing composition.

[ShadowFacts]

I also think he planned to be found out, he as much as said so when the director said she did her master's thesis on Bach and he said he knew that.  My take was he did it more in a self-sabotaging way, he lacked belief in himself and Grandpa's pep talk didn't help.  It's convoluted, I don't know where they're going with that.

[marceline]

To me this episode wasn't so much bad as overstuffed. This is a recurrent issue with the show as they try to balance lots and lots stories.

 

I didn't care all that much about Brandon's story but I loved the switch. When he pulled up that Bach piece I was screaming at his stupidity. The fact that it was a trap for Kate was kind of brilliant. Brandon may be a dope but he's always been shown to take his music seriously.

 

I love Stef and Lena. They are both flawed human beings with blind spots but the love between them is real and solid and you can feel that. I liked the Monte stuff taking a back seat. That said, I hated the execution of the story. Nate seemed like he was making a real effort and Lena just wasn't having it. Even though I disliked the resolution, I liked the fact that it seemed to be more about rivalry than racism. Kind of like we're seeing with Brandon's reaction to AJ. I understand Lena's position but it was a perfect example of how forgiveness is for the benefit of the person giving it than the one receiving it. By not being able to let go, she was hurting herself and her mother more than Nate.

 

Cole taking off his shirt at the beach with those big scars was definitely braver than I would've been. I had a scar on my leg from where I scalded off a strip about 3 inches wide and 5 inches long and when I went to the pool, kids looked at me like I was a freak and that's when I was in my 30s.

 

I've got nothing to say about the prom. The world has changed so much in the last few years all I can do is look around in wonder.

Edited June 30, 2015 by marceline

[RachelKM]

But he didn't think he would not get busted. He picked that composition specifically to show up Kat. He knew the director would recognize it but Kat wouldn't, and her reaction proved that she was impossible to work with.

 

I'm guessing now that she has been humbled, they will get together and wow everyone with an amazing composition.

OK, thanks.  I think I was so busy cringing over the plagiarism that I missed the dialogue. I have a somewhat overdeveloped sense of second hand embarrassment.  

[Primetimer]

Honestly: is it?

Read the story

[stopeslite]

 

But he didn't think he would not get busted. He picked that composition specifically to show up Kat. He knew the director would recognize it but Kat wouldn't, and her reaction proved that she was impossible to work with.

Yes, except he managed to screw that up too. I know the setup was for the sake of the audience wondering if he "really plagiarized and thought he could get away with it, but for that kind of prank he should have gone to the teacher ahead of time to tell her what he was going to do. The way he did it, the teacher could easily have thought that Brandon had written a crap composition and tried the plagiarism to see if he could get away with it, with "but I was trying to entrap Kat!" as his backup excuse if it failed and he got caught.  

Edited June 30, 2015 by stopeslite

[Lady Calypso]

I agree with others that it was an awkward episode. Looking at the Lena storyline first, I am disappointed that Nate seems to be the bad guy that Lena has always thought of him to be. I thought she was also too one track minded in thinking that Nate couldn't change, and especially her thoughts about the girlfriend. I was hoping that Lena was actually in the wrong and that Nate would have apologized to all of them when in the same room. I think it's ok to let a lead character be wrong once in a while and I was enjoying seeing Nate interact with the family. He also seemed remorseful about everything else, so it makes me sad they went the typical 'lead character is right about a guest star'. But Stef's interjections within the storyline made it a bit better, as did Lena's dad siding with the family.

 

I was also disappointed in the Jude/Connor storyline. I get where they were trying to go with it, but it wasn't done as well as it could have been. The kids at the prom were pushing for labels too much. I'm sure a lot of people are ok with non-labels, and I can also understand why some may want labels. It's just that with Jude doesn't seem as comfortable with Connor before they became exclusive while Connor has been all in, and the kids pushing for labels at the prom, it's just awkward because it puts both boys in a difficult position. Connor's been put doubts about Jude's sexuality, though I like that the seeds have been planted since the first episode back, so I can see why he fought with Jude. He's also a young kid also discovering himself, and he's gotten advice from an older kid who has supposedly been out for years. But then Jude has been adamant on no labels and now Connor's given him a choice of labelling himself or potentially losing him and I can see why Jude decided to label himself. I doubt he feels comfortable with a label, but I can see why he chose to label himself in that moment; he doesn't want the fight with Connor to end in a breakup, and he wants the rest of the night to go well, plus Cole talking to him seemed to help.

 

Basically, both those boys have a good storyline going, but the execution is not what I expected it to be, and I'm not sure whether it's a good or bad thing.

 

AJ/Callie? God, I hope they don't start dating anytime soon, especially with Callie telling Cole that she wanted to be single for awhile. But, I will say their flirting is cute. They have some kind of chemistry, but I'd be happier with them just staying friends. Plus, AJ became more likeable when he was teasing Callie.

 

I was surprised when Brandon copied that Bach piece and gave it to Kat to perform. I was thinking that if Brandon can just type the piece up in a search engine and click the first link he sees, anyone could do that. I'm so happy the music teacher (Ms Anderson?) picked up on it right away. Such a refreshing change. Plus, Brandon seemed to have that planned from the start. I worry that he and Kat will team up to try to get back into the school in a couple of episodes, but I'm kind of happy to see Brandon try to knock her down a couple of pegs. She desperately needs it.

 

And finally, Mat and Mariana. I'm frustrated because Wyatt seems to not get what he is doing, and he's always been better than this guy that I'm afraid we're going to see. I like Wyatt very much and I'm disappointed in him. Mariana breaking up with Mat is typical, because she feels so guilty over her actions. But still, I was hoping she would just tell him because now he's going to come back next season and it'll be a love triangle.

 

Again, all these storylines had potential, but the exeuctions were not great.

[stopeslite]

I give it an episode and a half max. before Brandon and Kat are having hate sex.

I thought Jude walked the line nicely with regard to recognizing and meeting Connor's needs while still not giving up his own identification. He said "I'm totally gay for you". That gives Connor the assurance that Jude really cares about him a hundred percent, but still leaves Jude the door open to be bi or anything else (well, except totally straight).

Lena's storyline was terrible, and I hated it.

I really hope Callie and AJ don't start dating. She does not need this!

Maybe I'm too old now, but I just can't help but wonder at how much these characters are upset that they will be apart FOR THE WHOLE SUMMER. Jeez. It's not that bad. And it's half over already.

[WInterfalls]

So doesn't the Q in LGBTQ stand for Questioning? Jude isn't allowed to be questioning? It seemed ridiculous to me that these kids would be so insistent on labels when in reality most of them would also still be figuring it out.

Also bold prediction here that now that Brandon and Kat have both been denied anyone else to work with they will have to put their differences aside and work together to get back into Idlewild.

[stillbored]

I feel that Jude is the one that is more accepting that he may be gay compared to Connor. For Jude, he seems completely open to everyone that matters in his life, where as Connor wouldn't even tell his father about the prom. I have no problems with Jude not wanting to announce himself as "Hi, I'm Jude, I'm gay". He feels that that shouldn't be his only identity.

How did Cole know that Jude and Connor were an item? Does Callie email him often ? (clearly she doesnt' talk on the phone since she was surprised at his voice). Jude looked a little surprised/annoyed that Cole was aware he was gay.

Was the prom for people of all ages? because there seemed to be people there who were much older than high school.

[Sesquipedalia]

Maybe I'm too old now, but I just can't help but wonder at how much these characters are upset that they will be apart FOR THE WHOLE SUMMER. Jeez. It's not that bad. And it's half over already.

 

It seems silly now, but I remember being separated from my boyfriend for three weeks the summer between high school and college, and it was pure torture. Even three weeks seems like an eternity when you're that young. 

 

Q can also mean queer. I thought it was very unrealistic for people to be pressured to label their sexuality/gender identity as part of introductions. If this is really a thing at parties in California, it's super obnoxious. [ETA: It seemed more like being at an AA meeting than a party.]

 

I liked Cole's speech to Jude about why Connor finds comfort in labeling himself. To me it seemed like their characters had somehow switched personalities, with Connor suddenly okay with being gay and Jude suddenly uncomfortable. But Cole's explanation made sense. Connor is so alienated at home that jumping feet-first into his new identity gives him a sense of belonging. Jude doesn't need that so much because he lives in such an accepting environment.

Edited June 30, 2015 by Sesquipedalia

[KaveDweller]

I agree that the Lena/step brother drama was kind of random, unless maybe she's mentioned him before. I completely understand Lena's anger and I think she handled it the right way. And I loved how supportive Stef was. I felt a little bad for her brother just because you can tell he was feeling abandoned by his father again but then you remember what he said to his step mother and then I don't feel so bad for him. I did feel bad for his girlfriend though. I know his father apologized to her before kicking them out but including her in that "you need to leave this house" felt kind of harsh.

 

She has mentioned him before, there was a whole subplot about it in another episode where her parents were there.  We found out she didn't talk to her brother for some reason, but I don't think we knew why until now.

[dohe]

I am going to offer what may be an unpopular opinion but I thought Lena handled the situation like an immature jerk.   There are some points that have to be raised first.  I empathized with Lena for most of the episode.  When Lena confronted her Mom I was able to comprehend where she was coming from.  Lena's half-brother was in the wrong for using that word.  I don't think anyone would argue that and, no matter the situation, it was a slur directed at Lena's Mom and at Lena for that matter.

 

Lena had a few paths that could be taken.  She could have firmly made it clear Nate was not ever welcome in her house and that would have been her decision.  If it causes a conflict between Lena and her parents, that is the way it is.  Lena could have advised her Mom that her Dad needed to know the truth and until her Dad knew the truth, no further steps would be taken for reconciliation by Lena.  Lena could have told her Mom that she has no other choice but has to explain to her Dad why she does not want Nate in the house.  This is Lena's house and she could have gone those three routes. 

 

Lena could have said, before Nate enters this house I need to have a one on one meeting with him.  At that time, Lena could have said Nate you need to apologize to my Mom and the only reason our Dad is not being told is because it was from years ago and we are giving you the benefit of the doubt you have matured.  Lena could have said you need to explain to Dad what happened and apologize to both Mom and Dad.  Again all understandable positions by Lena to take.

 

My sweetheart and I, two gay men in an interracial romance, have both dealt with our share of slurs.  We don't share the same viewpoint on how we would have handled it as Lena.  But both of us found  her way the worst possible way.  This is not about sharing the same viewpoint in terms of how to react.  It is about handling a situation in the worst possible manner.  You don't let someone in to your house so you can carry out an ambush of that person in front of their lover.  To ambush someone and commit a shaming upon that person is sickening.  The person who ends up humiliated the most is Nate's girlfriend.  Lena's Father's apology to her is meaningless.  You have carried out a humiliation.     

 

There were many mature ways for Lena to handle this.  Instead she acted like teenager.  That is a teenager's act.  Someone said something so instead of a one on one talk you ambush them in a way that humiliates the person.  That is the act of a bully.  The notion that whether Nate apologizes in that moment defines whether he is good or bad does not work for me.  Here he is with a woman he loves at a house he has been invited to and next thing he knows he is being confronted about a slur he said as a teen.  Would Lena expect that Brandon, Jesus, Mariana, Callie, or Jude figure that any mistake they do or say in their teen years should be brought up decades later while introducing their boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses as if that is the right moment?  Lena has plenty of options to take.  She took the worst one possible.

Edited June 30, 2015 by dohe

[RachelKM]

I agree dohe. I understood how Lena might feel in that situation and it's amazing how certain hurts in a family can fail to heal when not properly addressed no matter how much time passes.  I'm sure that having her brother evidently hate both her  and her mother (the balloon incident with Lena as a child sounded pretty mean and fairly pointedly malicious considering the amount of resentment Nate was obviously also harboring).

 

That said, Lena basically ambushed both her family and her guest (and Nate was a little of both considering the estrangement).  I will cut Lena a little slack in that she didn't know that the girlfriend was coming until after she agreed.  But even if it had only been Nate, she needed to be upfront with her parents about her feelings before having them over.  Instead she was passive-aggressive about the initial invite and then progressively actively aggressive as the night wore on.  There were many ways to handle that situation, and that was the pretty much the worst. (As I said above, my inner hostess was cringing throughout.)

 

I feel, however, that this was fairly in character for Lena.  She tends to bottle stuff up and try to be a peace-maker to the point the she subverts her own wants until it comes out in indirect and not very productive ways. 

[ShadowFacts]

It probably would have been better all around if the hateful words had been dealt with directly at the time, or that Lena should have forgiven Nate and let it go.  Twenty years of harboring resentment was probably not going to get resolved in anything but an ugly way.  The way it ended up with the parents and grandparents and then the kids one by one sitting at the table was a little too wrapped up in a bow for me.  If I had been Lena, her mother or father, I would have had heartburn, and needed a little alone time after Nate was sent on his way. 

[SparklesBitch]

Kind of awkward seeing Keith from Scrubs in a serious role where he isn't supposed to be an affable bro.

 

THAT'S where I know him from!! Thank you for this, it was bothering me, but for some reason I didn't look him up to find out who he was.

[FrancesL]

An odd episode. I didn't really have a problem with the delivery of the Nate plot, but I wasn't crazy about the LGBTQ dance story. I just think that the  former story seemed more realistic, in contrast to the latter story, which felt like an awkward plot device. 

 

IMO, none of the different parties handled the Nate situation in the best way, but the reaction of everyone involved was pretty realistic, and really served to portray the extent to which Nate's words had hurt both Lena and her mother. Lena's hurt and anger prevented her from handling the situation in the best way possible, but that's generally what people do when they are hurt, and based on what Nate said, I think her hurt was justified, even after 20 years. That's why I loved the conversation between Lena, her mother and Stef in the kitchen. I think Lena was right in the sense that had Nate said those awful things to Lena, instead, her mother would never have let Nate get away with what he said. I also loved the way Stef supported Lena.  Nate seemed to have turned over a new leaf,  so when they ambushed him, I actually expected him to break down and apologize, but instead he took the douchey route by lying and then showing no remorse. And the fact that he didn't understand how hurtful he had been and didn't see Lena's mom as deserving of an apology was an epic fail on his part and spoke volumes about his character. I think the entire outcome was extremely sad, especially for Nate's father. 

 

I think the writers have been doing a greeat job with Cole's story, but the entire LGBTQ+ prom just seemed like a contrived plot device. I liked Cole's speech about labels sometimes being empowering, but I didn't think it applied to Jude's situation; pressuring people to label themselves seemed wrong. Also, the Jude/Connor story is one of my favorites, but something really seems off in their relationship. Somehow that effortless chemistry that the two actors had is no longer there, and now they just seem awkward. I don't get it. What happened? This role reversal of Connor wanting to be open and Jude resisting, also seemed out of character. The Cole Callie story was also random

 

A lot of relationship stories in this episode!  I wasn't particularly interested in the Mariana/Matt story, and as much as I like Mariana, I think her ecent behavior has been unreasonable. I thought that what Brandon did was risky, but also clever, because he was finally able to show why Kat was impossible to work with. Unfortunately, he ended up being sent home, but I won't be surprised if he and Kat decide to (reluctantly) pair up again, so that they can get back into the program. It looks like we also have a possible romance between Callie and AJ..The actor playing AJ is surprisingly very cute and likable when he's smiling and having fun and I think that he and Callie have great chemistry. Maybe this will be the relationship that takes Callie's mind off Brandon. 

Edited July 1, 2015 by FrancesL

[dohe]

FrancesL,

 

I found Nate's response less an indication of him taking the "douche" way out and more a response that pretty much anyone would take when ambushed.  He is there with his girlfriend of 6 months.  He has been invited into that house.  To expect someone in that position to not be stunned by the confrontation and to apologize when being confronted about an incident that took place decades before when they were a teen in front of his new girlfriend makes no sense to me.  I have occasionally run into people that said horrible things to me when I was younger.  They know what they did.  I know what they have done.  Sometimes they have been with family, a wife, kids, etc.  I could confront them.  However to call them out in front of their wife or their kids shows a distinct lack of maturity.  If that person wanted to be my friend, I would probably take a pass or, at the least, we would have to discuss what happened in the past.  However I would not invite him to my house and ambush him in front of his wife, girlfriend, kids, etc.  If I did I would expect him to not just take off our of sheer horror and embarrassment of being confronted but also from the humiliation that the confrontation is happening in front of someone he loves. 

 

Like I said, I empathized with Lena and understood her need to discuss the situation.  However I can come up with no defense for her decision to ambush her half-brother and his girlfriend.  The defense that she did not know he would bring a girlfriend along is not enough for me.  Am adult should be mature enough to recognize the situation.  It was asinine. 

 

As for AJ and Callie, I think they have as much chemistry as Brandon and Callie - which is none.

Edited July 1, 2015 by dohe

[Parachutes]

First things first, that car ride home with Nate and his girlfriend must have been a doozy... 

 

As awkward and clunky as the dinner was, I have a real blind eye towards Lena's behavior. I've been called "nigger" and the times it happened were during my formative years and I can tell you that it's a hard experience to try and transcend. I don't blame her for holding a twenty year "grudge" because it's been about twenty years for me and it's still a bit of a trigger. On first meetings, I give people the benefit of the doubt, but I think a considerable amount of black Americans are kind of always waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak, when it comes to dealing with people dropping slurs or saying especially ignorant things regardless of how long or well you know them.

 

With that said, I'm trying to decipher whether the show will continue to delve into the history of Lena's family relationships and/or whether they were trying to use this story the nuance and subtlety of how racism exists today. There are plenty of polite people who consider themselves open-minded and good people (because they have black friends or who have dated/married a black person), but who say and do racist things that feed into and help perpetuate white supremacy. With the few scenes we saw, I thought the balloon story was most interesting once it was revealed that he actually took the balloon. He spun the story to make himself look better in front of his girlfriend, but when Lena clarified the details, he didn't have such selective memory and deny that behavior the way he denied using the slur against Lena's mom.

 

And as far as the confrontation, this is one of the few occurrences where we see emotion rule over reason for Lena, so I don't think this was ever going to go smoothly no matter what steps she took. The situation was always going to boil over because it had been so long. There isn't a delicate way to address these types of hurts and honestly, she doesn't owe him delicacy. It's not her responsibility to make him feel comfortable. 

 

Another thing I found interesting is that the show never actually used the word even in a neutral sense. It was very much tip-toed around which I think speaks volume about the country as a whole deals with the issue. It has such an ugly historical context that it makes people uncomfortable to even address it in an honest and realistic manner for the fear of appearing racist.

 

As for LGBT prom, I'm kind of disappointed that it was used as a plot device to further explore the topic of labels. I kind of wished they would have saved it for the opportunity of having a more feel good moment, fun on the show for the kids.

 

The rest of the episode was pretty standard teen fare. I don't hate it, but I'm not itching to break it down and analyze it at this time.

[skeskali]

Kind of awkward seeing Keith from Scrubs in a serious role where he isn't supposed to be an affable bro. Also thought he looked kind of young to be playing Sherri's older brother.

 

So that's where I know him from! Thanks for mentioning it!

[skeskali]

I fully support and appreciate Lena's attitude regarding Nate. You don't get to call my mother that word just because you're hurt, or angry, or feeling abandoned. You don't get to call anyone that word just because you're hurt or angry. Not ever. Not ever never never NEVER. 

 

I think Lena was right to be angry with her mom for handwaving her sensitivities away. There is probably an entire series that could be written about Lena's upbringing and the challenges she faced as a biracial kid growing up in the 70s when that pairing wasn't all that common. She's right to be disappointed that her mother, a woman she considered a hero, could be so callous about her own daughter's feelings. For as much as Lena's mom wanted to protect her husband's feelings, she didn't seem to consider the effect this lie of omission would have on her daughter. 

 

I think there are larger issues between Lena and her mother that haven't been explored yet. This isn't the first time we've seen prickly tension between the two of them. I hope we get to see this explored a bit more fully in episodes to come.

 

[skeskali]

Tiny, blink-and-you'll-miss-it thing that gave me a whole lot of joy in this episode: Mariana had a "Bit Torrents" folder on her computer's desktop.

[stopeslite]

They would really be missing an opportunity if they don't use Lena's experience to give her a connection with Brandon. Brandon had a similar set of circumstances as Nate - parent remarries, new fully-formed siblings enter the picture, they seem to get more of the parents' attention... she might understand both Brandon and Nate better, and giving her a stronger connection with Brandon would give some use of having the Nate storyline happen. 

[Perfect Xero]

They would really be missing an opportunity if they don't use Lena's experience to give her a connection with Brandon. Brandon had a similar set of circumstances as Nate - parent remarries, new fully-formed siblings enter the picture, they seem to get more of the parents' attention... she might understand both Brandon and Nate better, and giving her a stronger connection with Brandon would give some use of having the Nate storyline happen. 

 

I don't know, I think that comparing Nate and Brandon's situations is like comparing a fender bender to a head on collision with a semi.

 

Nate's mother apparently had full custody, and his father goes as far as saying that he never should have let her have custody (not that he should have seen him more, or involved him more with Dana and Lena, but that she shouldn't have had custody) which implies a lot about what sort of environment he grew up in. Lena barely saw him, his only visit was when he was 17 and he and Lena don't look to have a huge age gap, so he probably spent a decade or more with minimal contact with his father and his father's new wife and child.

 

Brandon, on the other hand, grew up with his mother, step-mother, and his new younger siblings in a loving environment and Mike has been around and present in his life, even if a mess a lot of the time.

 

At best Nate's situation might represent a sort of worst case scenario for what could have happened to Brandon if alcoholic Mike had somehow won full custody and been incredibly bitter about the divorce and Stef's new relationship.

 

On a somewhat related note, it's mildly ironic that just an episode ago Stef and Lena were laughing fondly about the time that Callie called them "dykes".

[ShadowFacts]

 

Nate's mother apparently had full custody, and his father goes as far as saying that he never should have let her have custody (not that he should have seen him more, or involved him more with Dana and Lena, but that she shouldn't have had custody) which implies a lot about what sort of environment he grew up in. Lena barely saw him, his only visit was when he was 17 and he and Lena don't look to have a huge age gap, so he probably spent a decade or more with minimal contact with his father and his father's new wife and child.

 

It seems like there is a timeline issue here, inasmuch as if the visit in question was 20 years ago, Lena would have been a teenager, because she must be somewhere in her 30s.  But the balloon snatching incident must have been at an earlier age, so that implies Nate was around more than that one time, and that the the major break was only after the last time he was there for the summer.  That aside, I agree that I hope they touch on this family-of-origin stuff of Lena's, because it goes beyond race and very much into her dad's starting a new family, and her brother's feelings of abandonment and displacement by Lena.  Brandon's situation may not be exactly on point, but he does seem like the odd kid out at times, and has certainly had to do a lot of adjusting due to his mother's formation of a new family.  I think Lena must recognize all of that since her job is working with adolescents, but she may have put some blinders on where her brother is concerned because of his very hurtful behavior. 

[LeGrandElephant]

So Brandon's big plan was to give Kat a Bach piece without her realizing it, wait for her to call it uninspired, and then use that to show she would be mean about anything he wrote? The big flaw with that plan, besides the dishonesty, is that writing something that sounds just like Bach 100s of years after Bach IS uninspired and unoriginal.

[possibilities]

The word "dyke" is nothing like the n-word. Most of the lesbians I know actually use the word dyke as a casual self-descriptor, i.e. it's waaaaaay more of a reclaimed word, waaaaaaay less charged, and the implications of what Callie said are not even close to comparable to what Nate said. Yes, "dyke" has been used by some as an insult, but the tremendous weight and baggage of the word is not even in the same galaxy as the n word.

[dohe]

I fully support and appreciate Lena's attitude regarding Nate. You don't get to call my mother that word just because you're hurt, or angry, or feeling abandoned. You don't get to call anyone that word just because you're hurt or angry. Not ever. Not ever never never NEVER. 

 

I think Lena was right to be angry with her mom for handwaving her sensitivities away. There is probably an entire series that could be written about Lena's upbringing and the challenges she faced as a biracial kid growing up in the 70s when that pairing wasn't all that common. She's right to be disappointed that her mother, a woman she considered a hero, could be so callous about her own daughter's feelings. For as much as Lena's mom wanted to protect her husband's feelings, she didn't seem to consider the effect this lie of omission would have on her daughter. 

 

I think there are larger issues between Lena and her mother that haven't been explored yet. This isn't the first time we've seen prickly tension between the two of them. I hope we get to see this explored a bit more fully in episodes to come.

If I was in Lena's position I would probably want nothing to do with Nate.  However I don't think anyone here feels Lena is wrong to be upset or wrong to make the decision that Nate will not be part of her life. In my original post, I brought up several options and they included making it clear that she wants nothing to do with Nate.

 

I have not spoken to a close relative in years.  He greeted my coming out with remarks that if I got AIDS I deserved it for turning my back on God.  There has been reaching out but I have no interest.  No one should deny a person's right to feel pain over verbal abuse and slurs. 

 

Yet that pain that Lena went through and continues to go through does not excuse her of letting things get to the point of an ambush.  We have all been hurt.  Some have been much more hurt than others.  Being hurt does not excuse inviting someone into one's house to ambush them.  The same holds true with Nate in that just because Nate was humiliated at Lena's house does not mean it absolves him for the pain he brought to Lena.   

Edited July 1, 2015 by dohe

[Perfect Xero]

The word "dyke" is nothing like the n-word. Most of the lesbians I know actually use the word dyke as a casual self-descriptor, i.e. it's waaaaaay more of a reclaimed word, waaaaaaay less charged, and the implications of what Callie said are not even close to comparable to what Nate said. Yes, "dyke" has been used by some as an insult, but the tremendous weight and baggage of the word is not even in the same galaxy as the n word.

 

Well, I did say it was only mildly ironic.

[Anisky]

Another thing I found interesting is that the show never actually used the word even in a neutral sense. It was very much tip-toed around which I think speaks volume about the country as a whole deals with the issue. It has such an ugly historical context that it makes people uncomfortable to even address it in an honest and realistic manner for the fear of appearing racist.

 

I'd have been shocked if they'd actually used the word, even when just discussing the incident. For one thing, I don't know the exact laws for cable-stations-with-commercials, but one way or another I'm sure they wouldn't be allowed to use that word on the show. For another, yeah, even using it in a "neutral" sense is, in my experience, completely taboo. I remember when I was 15 and didn't really understand that, I unthinkingly used the word in the way you're describing as "neutral" in English class-- we were talking about Othello and I was commenting on how it seemed strange that Desdemona referred to her fiance as "the Moor", and that it was like if in modern times... I'm sure you can fill in the rest. The entire classroom reacted immediately, physically, vocally, it was just overwhelming, I don't think I could ever forget that moment. I was really lucky that I didn't get in official trouble and that the whole thing eventually blew over. Even the latter part is probably because the only black student in the class was very forgiving and actively stepped in to tell people to let it go a few times over the next week or two, and possibly that my best friend (who attended the same school) was black also helped a bit. (I mean, also that I didn't try to to defend my usage except to say I really didn't mean to offend, and just kept apologizing and cringing and throwing apologetic glances everywhere.)

 

Obviously it made a big impression on me, because yeah, 13 years later, seeing someone on a message board suggesting that a character on a TV show might have used that word while discussing the incident kind of made me want to crawl under my desk. 

 

Ahem. Anyway.

 

I'm also a lot more sympathetic to / forgiving of Lena than a lot of people here, for a few different reasons. First of all, because although it was her mother that Nate called the n-word, obviously Lena was there when he said it (it seems doubtful in light of this episode that her mother would have TOLD her about it otherwise). Well before her speech about how someone using that word hurts every black person, I was thinking that she probably felt that he had insulted her as well, that the word had been meant to apply to her as well as to her mother. It was something that happened to her, too, and the fact that her mother didn't acknowledge that probably made her negative feelings associated with the incident all the worse. Hard to get over something when your own hurt is minimized or invalidated, after all.

 

I also have a bit of a different perspective on how she handled it. I think she felt very blindsided and then subsequently trapped, and that had a big impact on how she handled the situation. She thought that Nate had apologized to her mother, and that a major part of the dinner would be a discussion of what had happened. She agreed to have Nate over at their house based on those beliefs. Now, no question she shouldn't have assumed those things, but she was definitely genuinely surprised and taken aback when she realized that Nate had *not* apologized and that the entire incident would be swept under the rug. I saw the beginnings of panic from Lena at that point, actually. She seemed to me like she sort of began looking around, kind of hemming and hawing a little, trying to figure out if there was a way that they could not have the dinner at their house after all, but then her dad came in with the wine and it just seemed too late. It seemed to me that she really wanted to either cancel the dinner or change it so it was not at her house, but she didn't feel that she could, both because the evening was already in motion, and because she'd have to explain WHY to her father and her mother had just said that Lena shouldn't TELL her father about the incident, so how could she explain her change of heart?

 

So, to me anyway, from that moment forward Lena seemed very flustered and unsure and had no idea what to do. She shouldn't have ambushed Nate, I definitely agree with that, but I see how the situation may have felt like it had snowballed out of her control.

 

I mean, I guess also Lena's assumptions were based on the idea that her mother in some way might acknowledge that Lena is a black woman who has experienced and is experiencing life as a black woman in America, and that she would be hurt or offended by the things that a black person would be hurt or offended by. Which we know by now is a silly thing for Lena to think, because as if. So she probably should have known better. :P

Edited July 2, 2015 by Anisky

[SparedTurkey]

Re: the Nate/Lena incident - I'm not American and I don't know what if any laws or policies are in place that may or may not have prevented the show from using that word in its entirety. That said, if they were, would the scene of Lena/her mother telling her father what her brother had called them been more powerful if it had been used? Probably. In the hands of Sherri Saum and Lorraine Toussaint - aboslutely. Would that scene, its message, have been completely overrun by the commentary and/or criticism of the show for having scripted that word - I believe so, absolutely. Considering that, and the network on which it is run and the demo they are aiming for perhaps it is enough that the idea and message was communicated without the actual word being used.

 

Also, I don't think Nate and Brandon are comparable. Perhaps if Brandon had been shown to be a homophobe who grew as a person and changed his viewpoint - maybe. MAYBE. But Brandon, even from the beginning of the show, was never ever shown to be at all upset or resentful of either Lena, Mariana or Jesus. Maybe if anything is to be taken, Brandon and Nate can be seen as a contrast. Brandon may be an issue for the show, may be seen as whiny and/or a brat. But in terms of his acceptance of his siblings and Lena's authority as a parent, I don't see any issue at all.

Edited July 2, 2015 by SparedTurkey