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ElectricBoogaloo

Quotes: "You're the Panty Police?"

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Meredith: So done with carpool.

Hunt: Page cardio. Anyone but Riggs.
Bailey: Page Riggs.
Kepner: He just said-
Bailey: I can hear.
Kepner: You know that Dr. Hunt punched Dr. Riggs.
Bailey: The only way they're going to learn to work together is if they work together.

Maia: I am confused about the buttholes. Strange detour. Discuss.

Therapist: Meredith, you were attacked in your own hospital and you consider that "small stuff"?
Meredith: Have you read my file? My mother died of Alzheimer's, my stepmother died of the hiccups, my sister died in a plane crash, my husband was hit by a semi. That file - it's a real page turner.

Meredith: Any day that no one dies is a good day.

Cross: Can [Maia] actually fire us? She's only a kid.
Alex: Shut up. She's older than you. And she's smarter.
Cross: I've never been fired before. Is this going on my permanent record?

Meredith: I mean, who cares if Deluca is an intern? It's all sexy and secret at first, and then it's just a pain in the ass. So they should just bring it out in the open. That's what Derek and I did and we have three beautiful children.

Therapist: Now is Maggie the one in AA or is she the hoverer?
Meredith: The hoverer. That's the other thing. If she was getting it regular, maybe she wouldn't be hovering all the time.

Amelia: So another time, you will call me and we'll go out. But you won't, will you? Or you will and I will cave and go and I will talk too much and you will say nothing and I don't know how to do this thing that you do, where you make me feel like crap and there are no words coming out of your mouth so whatever. You'll call me, maybe. Or maybe not and maybe I will not care.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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Meredith: Who died?
April: What?
Meredith: I only dance it out when something bad happens.

April: I know that you're not religious.
Jackson: So why are you asking me to lead your family in prayer?
April: Because they're predisposed to not like you.
Jackson: You're marrying a rich handsome surgeon!

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Meredith: Did he really just call the morgue the plumber?

Meredith: How do you not remember this?
Bailey: You were an intern, Grey. You weren't even a person to me yet.

Alex: You didn't say yes or no [to my proposal]. Is this no? Is that what you're saying?
Jo: No.
Alex: No like no? Or no like not no?

Arizona: Richard, don't kill the interns.

Meredith: Where is cardio?
Penny: Riggs is coming.
Meredith: Ugh, Riggs.
Riggs: Yes, ugh, Riggs.

Riggs: What is your problem with Shepherd?
Meredith: Mind your business.
Daphne: I don't think she likes you very much.
Riggs: Oh, you picked up on that?

Amelia: I hit 60 days for the fourth time in my life.

Richard: Robbins, you're an outstanding surgeon.
Arizona: Oh, thank you.
Richard: And an extraordinary woman.
Arizona: Oh,Richard. I'm super gay. Like I'm the gayest of gays. Lesbianic. And you're a very handsome man.
Richard: Oh, cut it out. Someone like you deserves someone very special, a quality person, and I worry that if you squander your heart with all of these many, MANY more frivolous -
Arizona: Whoa, whoa, the thing about being my wingman is you can't also be my dad. Richard, I owe you. I'm too young and too fun to spend the rest of my life alone and I was too scared to try. But you helped remember what it was like when I was open and confident and fun and a little slutty. You helped me be slutty again.
Richard: I'm not sure I'd phrase it like that.

April: Did Arizona tell you?
Alex: I work in peds. I figured it out. You're like all happy all the time, kinda sweaty. How far along are you?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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Bailey: You were an intern, Grey. You weren't even a person to me yet.

 

Hee!  That was a great line.  I also enjoyed when Bailey figured out who Katie was, it was because she remembered Shepherd making all the interns run around on the case (still no specific memory of Meredith).

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Deluca: We're still [keeping this a secret]?
Maggie: Yes, because it's a secret and that's what you do with secrets. You keep them secret.

Cheerleader: Have you seen Lisa? She's our captain.
Alex: Let me guess - ponytail, hair bow?

Penny: You were the reason I hated high school.
Ben: I actually loved high school!
Stephanie: I bet. Everybody loved high school in the 50s.

Stephanie: Maybe we could intubate [the cheerleaders].
Penny: It would be so, so quiet.

Bailey: You feeling good, Grey?
Meredith: We practiced [the surgery] once. We're about to pull an all nighter. Sure, feeling great.

April: I didn't tell Karev anything. He figured it out. It's like he could smell it on me.
Arizona: You can do that if you spend enough time in peds. Pregnant ladies have a smell.
April: WHAT?!
Arizona: Oh, calm down. I'm just kidding.

Ben: I think I got a faint pulse.
Psych: I think that's your pulse you're feeling.

Stephanie: Guys, it's an emergency room. Can we save the yelling for actual emergencies?

Lisa: Last I checked, I was team captain.
Dani: Last I checked, you were a megabitch.

Maggie: Thank gawd we grew out of that.
Alex: And look at you now.
Maggie: Yeah. What do you mean look at me now?Alex: You and Deluca.
Maggie: Come on! [tries to shush him]
Alex: My point exactly. I work with teenagers every day. I know what high school crap looks like. You're the quarterback and he's the little freshman and you're embarrassed to be seen with him in public.
Maggie: What? That's misogynistic AND wrong.

Alex: I live with a resident, Torres dates one, Meredith married an attending. Nobody cares except you.

Stephanie: It must be nice being married to the chief.
Penny: Look at Wilson. All she has to do is sleep with Grey's BFF. Of course she gets the wonder surgery.

Weber: Dr. Warren will only be facing a suspension instead of criminal assault charges. What you call a calculated risk is what I call foolish. Don't confuse the two, Warren. You did not show skill today. You showed bravado. And that is dangerous.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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Edwards: Uh, we all hear the dogs, right? There are dogs somewhere?

Arizona: Warren, go some place else.
Ben: Why?
Arizona: Because you're on my service and I said so.

Meredith: I can hear you.
Callie: But you can't hear your phone ringing.

Edwards: Alright, you get ten more seconds.
Jo: What?
Edwards: You get ten seconds to complain about Meredith Grey. After that, you're done. No more talking about it again ever.
Penny: This is an excellent plan.
Jo: How is this fair?
Edwards: You talk and you talk about Grey, but you don't do anything to change the situation. You get ten seconds. After that, the only person you can talk to about Meredith Grey is Meredith Grey.
Jo: I can't say it all in ten seconds.
Edwards: No, because now you only have seven.

Meredith: Everyone Alex has ever been with has run away or stolen his job or gone crazy or broken his heart.

Meredith: You are what you allow.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Amelia: Tomorrow's your birthday?
Owen: No, it's next week so you still have time to buy my gift.

Maggie: Thorp, the mililtary doctor, he asked Mer out and she said yes.
Alex: She said yes to buy time. She'll blow him off later or she'll cancel.
Maggie: You didn't see this guy.
Alex: I don't have to. I know Mer.
Maggie: I know Mer too.
Meredith: I am Mer. Mer is right here.

Meredith: Wilson, don't you have anything to talk about?
Stephanie: Her engagement ring is still in a drawer in her bedside table.
Cross: Engagement ring?
Jo: Steph, when was the last time you had sex?

Alex: If you're going to ditch the guy, you'd better do it soon.
Maggie: Will you shut it?
Alex: You shut it.
Meredith: Both of you shut it. And I have three children at home so don't think for a second I don't know you two are making faces right now.

Meredith: It's not a big deal. It's just drinks.
Amelia: What are you going to wear?
Meredith: Sports bra and granny panties apparently, or whatever is in my locker from yesterday.

Meredith: You stole my shoes?
Amelia: The black ones you said were too slutty for a mother of three. Plus they pinch a little.

Cross: Chief of cardio? So smart. But a guy who looks like you can get anyone. There's no way I'm going to land an attending. A resident maybe.

Deluca: You should go because I'm about to nut punch you.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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Thorp: So help me out, which date was this?
Meredith: Why?
Thorp: I need to know what to put in my diary.

Penny: I love you.
Callie: ...Thank you.

Guy: I almost killed her with our sex.

Catherine: It is so cold and sleeting back east. Just dreadful.
Jackson: So you came to Seattle for some sun.

Catherine: How are things with April?
Jackson: Why must you meddle in everything?
Catherine: I do believe you went through an entire divorce without me saying one word.

Ben: I met a puppy once that was half German shepherd, half teacup chihuahua and all I could think was, "How did you happen?" I mean, logistically, if the chihuahua is the dad, does he just hop up on the German shepherd mom? Or is the German shepherd the dad and they gave a ladder to the little chihuahua mom so that he can?

Alex: Where is he? I'll kill him. Did he hurt you? Are you hurt?
Meredith: Fill this with water. Cold.

Alex: You sure that [steam cleaner] works?
Meredith: It's brand new!
Alex: Just because you never took it out of the box doesn't mean it works. How long has it been sitting in the closet?
Amelia: Are we facing this the right way?
Meredith: The steam is facing the carpet. How many other ways are there?

Amelia: I counted. Nineteen mini shampoos and eleven conditioners.
Alex: I'll take them. It's the same as shampoo in a big bottle.

Alex: You made a fire. It's 70 degrees outside.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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Jo: Do you think that I should write that I'm resourceful or inventive?
Penny: Put that you're both.
Stephanie: Put that you're annoying when you think out loud.

Catherine: I did not meddle.
Weber: You meddled. You are a meddler!

Weber: Meddler!
Catherine: You better stop saying that.
Weber: I'll say what I want.
Catherine: I am trying to help my son.
Weber: You are a meddler, a busybody, a helicopter momma, a nosy Nellie, a buttinsky!
Catherine: That is trash talk!
Weber: All up in the bug juice, you don't know the flavor, woman.
Catherine: We said no trash talk in the bedroom.
Weber: We said no work talk in the bedroom.

Penny: [stephanie] said, "She's from Dillard," like it's a welding school.

Jenny's mom: Jenny is fourteen. When I was fourteen, I was stealing street signs and getting knocked up by my loser boyfriend.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Jo: [Ben]'s a level head. He's gramps.
Stephanie: We are talking about the same person who used a clipboard to slice open a patient in the psych ward. Gramps goes rogue.

Riggs: We need parental consent. Where are the parents?
Alex: Mom's in OR 1. Dad's in OR 2.

Jackson: I tried to take the high road.
Catherine: Apparently the high road is paved with restraining orders.

April: The restraining order was a mistake. Can't we just take it back?

Amelia: I had to drag it out of him. It was impossible to get [Owen] to talk.
Meredith: Probably because you were talking.

Bailey: The patient deserves a chance.
Amelia: This family deserves for this hospital to respect their wishes.

Callie: You were right. Thank you.
Arizona: I love being right. What was I right about?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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Maggie: I'm not a cat lady just because I stopped having s-
Meredith: Read the room.
Maggie: S-E-X with Deluca.
Zola: Mommy, why did Aunt Maggie stop having S-E-X with Deluca?
Meredith: Because she couldn't handle that he was her B-O-S-S. Do not ever date a man who can't handle your P-O-W-E-R.
Zola: Okay!

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Meredith: I tell my children, "When you're finished with your toys, put them away." My kids don't need to see your penis, so the same goes for you.
Richard: There was a time when I would have asked but I've learned.

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Jo: I can't believe you dumped Kyle with a note. BRUTAL. That's like dumping someone by text but in 1980.

Bailey: Objection! Speculation.
Callie's lawyer: She can't do that.
Judge: You can't do that.
Arizona's lawyer: Objection! Speculation.

April: I want Easter. It's important to me. I go to church and you-
Jackson: Worship the Easter Bunny.
April: And you can have the Super Bowl and Halloween.

Callie: I feel gross. Court covered me in layer of gross that no amount of wine can wash away.
Meredith: Tequila?

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Owen: I don't need [the trailer] anymore.
Meredith: Don't you need a place to sleep? Or are you moving into my house too and no one told me?

Amelia: Maggie, did you hear that Owen bought a house?
Maggie: Oh, good! Now you can naked snuggle on his sofa.

Maggie: [No furniture] you have to assemble yourself. You got a real house. Get some real furniture.

Owen: Nice yard. Good school district.
Maggie I'm sorry, did you just go from moving in to having kids? Boy, you guys move fast. I couldn't even sleep in the same bad as fiance and we were engaged for a year.
Amelia: Long engagements - bad idea.
Owen: I agree. Better to go straight to the marriage part. It's better.

Callie: I really don't know what to say.
Penny: Neither do I but I'm trying to say words.

Alex: Grandma over there just arranged my marriage to her daughter.
Meredith: There must be something in the air because Amelia and Owen are talking about getting married too. Maybe you guys could have a double wedding. Then I would only have to live through it once.

Riggs: Bacon?
Maggie: Is that a box of bacon? A cardiothoracic hand grenade. You know you're a doctor, right? A heart doctor.
[Maggie takes a piece of bacon]
Maggie: It is good.
Riggs: Told you.

Owen: Kids?
Amelia: Five!

Jackson: You're still living in the same house [with Bailey] but you're not talking to each other.
Ben: I'm aware.
Jackson: Counseling?
Ben: If we go to counseling then we'll have to talk, and yeah, not talking's better.
Jackson: So what are you going to do?
Ben: Do?
Jackson: Well, yeah, you can't just stay like this.
Ben: Oh, I can stay like this, and I will. I am a very patient man. And I'm right which makes me even more patient. She is overreacting. I know it and she knows it, though she's not ready to admit it yet so I am biding my time until she apologizes, at which point I will haul my ass back into our bedroom where it belongs
Jackson: So you're not mad?
Ben: No, I am pissed as hell. But she's the love of my life. I mean, you get it. You've got April.
Jackson: April and I are divorced.

Bailey: Sir, after the many years I served under you as my chief, you must understand how difficult it is for me when you force me to say, "Respectfully, this is not my problem," and "Please go do your damn job."
Richard: I don't think you found that difficult at all.

Meredith: I'll probably end up hosting this wedding. I hosted Owen's last wedding. Why not?
Alex: What's the matter? Why do you so care?
Meredith: I just wanted Amelia to keep busy with something. You know, like a hobby. Because if she's talking Owen's ear off, she can't talk off mine.
Alex: How does this change that?
Meredith: This means more talking, only now it'll be about flowers and caterers and what kind of dress I'm going to wear. Kill me now.

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7 hours ago, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Jackson: You're still living in the same house [with Bailey] but you're not talking to each other.
Ben: I'm aware.
Jackson: Counseling?
Ben: If we go to counseling then we'll have to talk, and yeah, not talking's better.
Jackson: So what are you going to do?
Ben: Do?
Jackson: Well, yeah, you can't just stay like this.
Ben: Oh, I can stay like this, and I will. I am a very patient man. And I'm right which makes me even more patient. She is overreacting. I know it and she knows it, though she's not ready to admit it yet so I am biding my time until she apologizes, at which point I will haul my ass back into our bedroom where it belongs
Jackson: So you're not mad?
Ben: No, I am pissed as hell. But she's the love of my life. I mean, you get it. You've got April.
Jackson: April and I are divorced.

This scene was hilarious! I loved Jackson telling Ben that he was out of his damn mind and Ben replying, Yeah, I know. 

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From the season 2 Thanksgiving episode:

George (to his obnoxious brothers): "You shot Dad in the ass! Are you happy now?"

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Meredith: [Amelia]'s just so full of feelings - all the time. Why can't she just cram them down and shut up like everybody else?

Meredith: [Amelia]'s fine. You have no idea how many people have locked themselves in that bathroom. They're always fine.

Maggie: Amelia, we're here for you, okay? As long as it takes.
Meredith: Twenty more minutes and I'm ripping the door off the hinges! Amelia, stuff your feelings in!

Alex: I was with Mere this morning and I was thinking the two of us, we've been through hell. You know, all kinds of drama - crazy family stuff, we both almost died, losing people we love. The point is we grew up. Mere and I are grown up. We got through it. And hell is behind me. It's in my rear view mirror and I'm not going back. I'm done. I'm not some idiot kid anymore, Jo. I'm a man and I'm done with games. I'm done with crazy. I'm done with losing. I'm done with drama. I don't care about your secrets and your excuses and your drama. I've had that.

Riggs: We are friends - who maybe have sex.
Meredith: We're friends who had sex once.
Riggs: We're friends that had sex four times in one night. But let's don't get picky.

Maggie: What's wrong with Owen?
Amelia: Nothing's wrong with Owen.
Meredith: Well, he could use some sun.

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Amelia: Marriage is like a bed and breakfast in Vermont - with sex.
Meredith: Until you have kids.

Bailey: You're not busy, right?
Ben: Nah, I just carried nineteen pounds of lac trays so I had something to do with my hands.

Riggs: You're not the boss of me.
Meredith: Actually I own a big chunk of this hospital so technically I am.

Arizona: A felony?
Owen: I know.
Arizona: I mean, [Alex] did beat [Deluca] up really bad.
Owen: Yeah, he did.
Arizona: Then again, you can punch a cardio surgeon in a hospital hallway and nobody says a word.
Owen: Apples and oranges.
Arizona: And yet Alex is charged with a felony assault.
Owen: Apples and oranges! Riggs and I, it was personal.
Arizona: No, just apples. It was about Wilson. It was about a girl. How is that not personal?

Alex: What's going on in there?
April: They're running a code.
Alex: I just froze off a wart.
April: I just wiped a butt.
Alex: I did that too.
April: My body is making food for another human. That's something, I guess.
Alex: You got me beat there.

Bailey: When we tell a family a patient is dead, I prefer we be correct. It's a low, low bar for a physician.

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Amelia: You go to church.
Owen: You go to AA. That's a lot of praying.

Meredith: You look tired.
Owen: I've been up all night with Amelia talking and talking.
Meredith: She's yours now. I'm not taking her back.
Owen: I'm good. She's great. We're great.
Meredith: You have the rest of this elevator ride. Go.
Owen: She gets an idea in her head and she just won't let it go. She's relentless like a shark. She just won't put it down.
Meredith: Two more floors.
Owen: She asks me a question and I answer it and my answer just causes more questions and suddenly I've forgotten what we're talking about and I'm late for work and I love her and it's exhausting.

Alex: One of you guys want to lance a patient's abscess for me?
Maggie: Resident's job.
Amelia: I'm eating.
Meredith: I would but I don't want to.

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Bailey: I thought you could use some unmitigated joy today. You're going to be Ed McMahon!
Deluca: I don't know who that is.

Meredith: I hugged you and you haven't even peed on a stick yet?

Granny June's relative: How old is [the girl who needs a liver]?
Bailey: Well, privacy rules won't allow us-
Meredith: She's 25.

Meredith: I could just take [Granny June's] liver. I could just like run up and grab it. Or I could walk up to the guy and say, "Hello, I'm Dr. Bailey. Right this way."
Alex: Do that. Then you'll lose your job too and we'll have more time for movies and stuff.

Bailey: I usually love a good transplant. Taking something no longer needed and reusing it. It's like composting.
Deluca: Do you compost?
Bailey: No, it's gross.

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Arizona: Did Pierce tell you who her new favorite resident is?
Alex: Can't operate so I don't care.
Arizona: Technically it's an old resident - Leah. Murphy.
Alex: She's back?
Maggie: I love her. Really great suture techniques.
Arizona: Can Weber really rehire her? I mean, I am on the board.
Maggie: What is the problem?
Alex: Robbins slept with her.
Arizona: So did Alex!

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Alex: This is because of me, isn't it? They're going to overhaul the program because I beat up Deluca.
Meredith: Everything isn't about you. That doesn't even make sense.
Alex: A teacher beat up a student.
Meredith: Oh. That makes sense.

Edwards: You need to get us answers. This is probably all happening because of you anyway.
Ben: What is that supposed to mean?
Edwards: You really think a resident does a C section in the middle of the hallway and everyone just forgets about it?
[me: Considering that no one at the hospital cared about Izzy cutting LVAD wires, doing a C-section in the hallway is no big deal!]

April: I want to dip my toe in those nachos.
Jackson: Gross.

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Bailey: Stuff does not just happen to you. You happen to stuff.

Kristin: Does she always talk like that?
Jo: Yup.
Arizona; Like what?
Kristin: Like unicorns and rainbows are about to shoot out of your ass.

Kristin: I went to an all girls private school.
Jo: What was that like?
Kristin: Too many blazers, not enough boys.

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Edwards: Bailey took out Grey. Winter is coming.

Bailey: Promise me that you are the Alex Karev who heals small children and you have left behind the Alex Karev who beats people up.

Maggie: Just promise me you won't turn [my mom] into a fish-lipped monster with an immobile forehead.

Arizona: You really don't want to make friends around here, do you?
Eliza: I didn't come here for that.
Arizona: Well then you're doing a great job.

Riggs: So what's the deal with this lady? What do we think she's got behind that wall? Meth lab? Puppy mill? Think she's a nudist?
Maggie: Maybe she's a tinfoil hat lady.

Maggie's mom: I think you should go, Jackson. I'm sorry that Maggie's being so very rude.
Maggie: I'm being rude? You just kicked my friend out of a house that wasn't even yours to invite him to.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Janice: Listen, Dr. Not Grey.

Bailey: Mmm-Bop was very popular at the time.

Owen: How's Kepner doing?
Maggie: What do you mean, "How's Kepner doing?" She's a turncoat.
Owen: She's also a friend.
Arizona: Yes, she's a friend. She's a poor, misguided, very confused friend. It's like when you find out that your friend voted wrong.
Owen: Can you vote wrong?
Arizona: Yes.
Maggie: Yeah.
Jackson: Absolutely.

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Meredith: So many teeny tiny socks and none of them match! Why?

Maggie: I told you to think of this as a vacation.
Amelia: These socks are folded all wrong.
Meredith: Vacation or prison?
[Alex gives her a look]
Meredith: Sorry. Too soon?
[Amelia yawns]
Alex: Hey, you don't get to act tired when you got a full night's sleep in my bed.
Amelia: You made me take the room.
Alex: I only thought you were going to be here for one night. I didn't think you'd move in.
Amelia: I haven't moved in. I do not live here. I'm crashing.
Alex: You crash on a couch. You live in a bed. And you're living here. I crashed on the couch and it sucked because I woke up with a Cheerio stuck to my face.
Meredith: You can have my bed because I'll be dead - from boredom. Can that happen? Can your hypothalamus just curl up and stop working from lack of stimulus?
Amelia: No. I mean, technically, yes.

Ben: Are we going to do a kidney transplant?
Minnick: Technically a kidney recovery and a transplant. So who thinks they're ready to run the lead on those?
[Ben raises his hand, then Jo raises her hand]
Stephanie: I'm not ready.
Minnick: That is the right answer.
Stephanie: It is?
Minnick: Mmm hmm.
Stephanie: Okay, great. I am not ready.
[Cross raises his hand]
Jo: Put your hand down, intern!
Minnick: None of you are ready.

Weber: Welcome to phase two.
Alex: Prep the patient and run labs? That's resident scut. Sucks.

Minnick: Nice job, guys! Like seasoned pros!
Weber: More like very good residents who are learning and advanced procedure and still needing help and guidance.

Ben: No doubt, give [the kidney] to the kid. Any parent would say the same thing.
Cross: Sure, any parent with two good kidneys. She's only got one. She might want to hang on to it.
Ben: Yeah - if she's a monster.
Cross: I'd hang on to it.
Ben: And that makes you a monster.
Cross: You're a monster.

Riggs: See? Problem solved.
Maggie: You're very impressed with yourself.

Bailey: Maybe we can stop all this stubbornness and the insubordination.
Meredith: It's not insubordination.
Bailey: Well, it's not cooperation. Look, I made you my chief of general because I wanted you to be my right hand.
Meredith: So you want a yes man.
Bailey: No, I want someone who will lead with me, but follow when I lead.
Meredith: Even if I think you're leading the wrong way. I shouldn't speak up when I think you're making a misstep. You don't want that in a right hand.
Bailey: I'm not making a misstep.
Meredith: I disagree. But you don't want to hear a dissenting opinion.

Weber: Are you busy?
Meredith: Yes, I was just about to paint a wall and watch it dry.

Weber: Meredith, go back [to work]. Don't waste another day, not for me.
Meredith: I want to, but every time I try, I keep hearing my mother's voice saying, "Meredith, it's Richard."
Weber: That's very nice. We both know that your mother would never put me before her career.
Meredith: True. But I'm supposed to do better than her. Isn't that the point? Be better? I can't be like her.

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April: So when I was chief-
Meredith: Interim chief.

Riggs: Look who's back. I have to say, I thought you'd last longer. You folded quick.
Meredith: I didn't fold.
Riggs: You're here, aren't you? And the chief didn't fire Webber.
Meredith: Dr. Webber asked me to come back. There was no folding.

Pam;  Your fiance just deep-fried our father!
Ben: This is from a turkey fryer?
Jim: It's the one thing I know how to cook. I was just trying to do something special.
Pam: You mean unforgettable? Like that time you killed my dad?

Alex: [Riggs] just made a mom cry.
Meredith: Well, there are kids in the hospital. There's a high probability of tears.

Alex; The guy's a total snake, just like you said.
Meredith: Well I definitely never said that.

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Dr. Cordon: A patient and a donor, two of them here together, same time, same day, perfect match. It's like winning the lottery.
April: I mean, if you call a brain dead kid a lottery ticket then yeah.

April: Where have you been? I have been looking everywhere for you. Cordon's called a dozen times. I have been calling and texting-
Jackson: Calm down. You sent one text.

April: [Katherine] wanted me here [in Montana with you].
Jackson: That is so-
April: Katherine?
Jackson: I was going to say infuriating, but yeah.

Jackson: When you have a kid, you're making a promise.

Jackson: The only wrong thing you can say is nothing at all.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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Meredith: The sex [with Riggs] was great. Maybe I shouldn't be picky about great sex.
Alex: You should be picky about sex. You're hot.
Meredith: You have to say that because I let you eat my food and live in my house.

Maggie: Thirty seconds in, [[my mom]'s talking about her boobs. That's what's on her mind - her boob job. Her boobs, which are perfectly fine, by the way. You know, when she gets in the car, you look at them and you tell me if they're not perfect.
Alex: I'm not going to check out your mom's boobs.

Maggie: I hope you'll enjoy being a self-involved lonely person with an incredible rack.

Klatch: The man was a blowhard and a grabass.

Meredith: How's it going?
Maggie: Boobs.
Meredith: You have to let that go.
Maggie: My mother wants basketball boobs. You let that go.
Amelia: Mom boobs again?
Meredith: It doesn't stop.
Maggie: What reason does she have to defile her body that way?
Meredith: Are you sure you want to know that?
Maggie: My mother wouldn't let me pierce my ears until I was ten. She told me that masturbating made Jesus cry. She said that nail polish was for prostitutes. That woman wants stripper boobs? Yes, I want a reason.
Meredith: Her reasons are for sex.
Maggie: Why would you say that?
Meredith: Okay, maybe she just wants her shirts to fit better.

Meredith: You're right. You should demand a reason.
[Meredith leaves]
Amelia: That is bad advice.
Maggie: It is?
Amelia: She doesn't owe you an explanation. And you don't have a right to tell her what to do with her boobs. It's her body. It's her boobs. She doesn't have to justify her decision to anyone.

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Jackson: No one wanted to mention that we think the trial is a completely terrible idea?
Weber: You need to sit her down and let her know what's going on.
Jackson: Me? I'm not doing that.
Weber: You're her friend.
Jackson: Who kept her mom's cancer a secret from her. No, you're her dad. You do it.
Weber: You're Diane's surgeon.
Bailey: So was Avery.
Jackson: Oh, come on. You led the surgery that brought her LFTs down and got her into the trial in the first place.
Bailey: A trial I never believed in.
Jackson: Yeah, well, you're the chief.
Bailey: Well, who's in charge of the board?
Jackson: NOW you care about that?

Maggie: She made me make the noodles from scratch. You know you can buy noodles in a box, right?

Diane: I'd like to pay my respects to Ellis. I'm here. I'm staying in her house. It's the right thing to do.
Meredith: That's very nice but you don't need to do that.
Diane: Oh, but I want to. Where is she buried?
[Meredith and Richard exchange looks]
Richard: Um, a place that she loved down by the water.
Meredith: We dumped her ashes down a sink in OR two.
DIane: Omigawd.
Meredith: Well, it was her favorite OR and it seemed like the right thing at the time. We're terrible people.

Meredith: Listen to [your mom]. Talk about whatever she wants to talk about and record her voice in your mind and memorize everything. Just keep sitting there.

Diane: Orgasms.
Maggie: No.
Diane: It's not a dirty word.
Maggie: No, no.
Diane: I'm dying. I have to impart wisdom.
Maggie: This wisdom? Right now? You've got time. You don't have to go there right now. I've had orgasms.
Diane:  Well, good. They're not a gift. It's your right. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

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Amelia: I guess [Maggie visiting her mom's grave] is better than the way I did grief.
Meredith: Which time?
Amelia: The time of the oxy binges.
Meredith: I got a little dark and twisty, but then I come back.
Amelia: A little dark and twisty? You disappeared and had a secret baby.
Meredith: Please don't refer to your niece as my secret baby. I mean, maybe this is what grief looks like when you've lived a whole healthy life. You know, before anything terrible happens.
Amelia: Like watching your father get murdered when you're five.
Meredith: Or like watching your mother bleed out on the kitchen floor.
Amelia: We're more alike than we realize.

Arizona: I'm recently divorced.
Riggs: Okay. Congratulations.

Edwards: Symptoms?
Cross: Fatigue. Night sweats. Do you think it could be Crohn's?
Edwards: So far it sounds like menopause.

Edwards: Dr. Deluca, would you like to do the rectal exam?
Cross: No.
Deluca: No.

Edwards: TB can kill you.
Deluca: Cross may have killed us?
April: You're not going to die from someone else's abdominal tuberculosis. I mean, there's a remote possibility but it's not going to kill you right now.

Bailey: Where are your residents?
April: I kicked them out for being annoying.

Deluca: I feel like I need ten showers.
Edwards: It's TB. It's not going to just wash off.
Deluca: Are we being quarantined? Are they going to stick us in a bubble room?

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Riggs: It's what I do when I board a plane. I always ask the crew their names. It's a respect thing. It also usually gets me free drinks.

Meredith: Sometimes I feel like I"m cursed. A lot of people die around me.

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Alex: Planes have taken a lot from you when. When have they ever give you something good?
Meredith: They gave me a hospital.

Maggie: You're in the ladies' room.
Alex: So?

Maggie: Show me your teeth.

Warren: What's wrong?
Bailey: Richard's not sitting next to Catherine.
Warren: You need to leave that man alone.
Bailey: Agreed. I'm moving on to Catherine.

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Maggie: Inoperable means different things to different surgeons.
Holly: I've seen six different surgeons so I know the stages. You guys are in stage one. You see [the inoperable tumor]. Your eyes light up, You're the only ones who can tame it. Stage two, you make a plan,  plan unlike any who have come before you. You get my consent. Stage three, you realize it doesn't work and you feel weird and then you get all sad and then you feel like you disappointed me and you make it my job to convince you that I'm okay so you feel better. Can we just skip it?

Weber: Warren, you're not writing a research paper. You're treating a patient on a morphine drip. Make a call.

April: Hey, Holly. Your boyfriend's here. He's asking if he can come see you.
Holly: Omigawd. Did he say "boyfriend"? Can you just tell him that I died?
April: We can tell him that you're asleep.
Holly: Then he won't go away. If he hangs on, somebody's going to eventually have to tell him I died and for real, so let's just spare him that.
Meredith: We can talk to him.
Holly: He's dumb. But he's cute.

Weber: [Edwards] can be arrogant and she can get snarky. She's a surgeon.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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Bailey: Why are people driving around with no clothes on?

April: Is sex in a car ever that good?

Meredith: Some people just need a nanny.

Amelia: I called Mary Campbell. She's the best PTSD expert there is right now. She'll be here in the morning.
Owen: Let's just wait and see how Megan is.
Amelia: Okay, but I meant for you.

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Edwards: I deep fried a rapist. I dove through a wall of fire. I did not do all of that so this little girl could die. I saved her. I saved her. I saved her, Dr. Bailey. We need to finish saving her right now. And I need you to GET OUT OF MY FACE!
Minnick: Dr. Bailey!
Bailey: You heard her. Get out of her face.

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Megan: Will you unstrap me from this thing so I can hug your ridiculously pale body?

Jo: Who am I going to talk to now? Who am I going to compete against? Who's going to tell me when I'm being ridiculous or when I stink and need a shower?
Ben: Way to make Stephanie's life changing injuries about you.

Bailey: [The new interns] are all in the top ten percent of their programs.
Weber: So they're completely socially inept.

Megan: So you and my mom are on a first name basis?
Meredith: Well, I was in both of Owen's wedding.
Megan: Both of them? This is exciting. Give me the scoop. Which of Owen's wives did you like better and why?
Meredith: I couldn't possibly answer that question.

Jackson: You play the bagpipes?

Megan: How's married life?
Owen: How's your colostomy bag?

Jackson: That tumor's inoperable.
Amelia: I'm not a big believer in inoperable. God, yes. Unicorns, possibly. Inoperable, no.
Jackson: Then start hunting unicorns. Your chances are better.
Amelia: You don't hunt unicorns. What's the matter with you?

Ben: No.
Jo: No, what?
Ben: No, I will not be your new Stephanie. She had way more patience for all your - no.

April: We're here to talk about the sub-Is, Dr. Weber. The utterly inept-
Karev: Bottom of the barrel med students you keep recklessly hauling around the hospital.
Weber: Oh, so you two think you were any better than them? Karev, you scraped in by the skin of your teeth thanks to an essay you wrote on testicular cancer that I have since found was a lie. Kepner, you failed your boards and got fired - TWICE.

Riggs: We were just trying to protect you.
Maggie: I didn't need your protection. I needed information.

Meredith: Teddy Altman think I'm wrong to do Megan's surgery.
Alex: Since when do you care what Teddy Altman thinks?
Meredith: I don't, but she thinks I'm wrong and Amelia's on my side and Amelia is a little crazy.

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Karev: You're not even a first year which makes you a zero year.

Ben: I've been thinking about your thing. Don't want to. Can't stop.
Jo: Can I call you New Stephanie?

Meredith: If you want to be a shark, be a shark. Don't apologize for it.

Amelia: Your sister doesn't like me so I need therapy. Your friend who is clearly in love with you doesn't like me so I need medication. Your mom who's with a man half her age doesn't like me so I need help.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Riggs: Dr. Pierce is planning an open thrombalectomy. What are the risks?
Jo: DEATH!
Walter Carr: Uplifting.

Amelia: I just need you to follow my plan.
Tom Koracick: I'm not going to follow your plan because the part of your brain that makes plans is compromised.

Tom: I don't know how you all didn't catch this [tumor]. Was [Amelia] erratic, impulsive, obsessive?

Riggs: Did you happen to see that I was one of the authors on those papers?
Meredith: Did you happen to see that one of your patients died?
Riggs: Uh, it was completely unrelated.

Walter: We teach best what we most need to learn.

Walter: I'm so impressed with how far you've come about talking about your feelings.
Meredith: You taught me well.
Walter: Then I'm so impressed with myself.

Megan: Just because you are in an unhappy marriage doesn't mean that everyone else has to be unhappy with you.
Owen: That's not what I'm doing.
Megan: You went to break up with your wife, she was extra mean to you, and so you stayed with her.

Amelia :Maggie, don't cry.
Maggie: My mother died. I'm allowed to cry. I cry all the time.
Amelia: Come on. It's kind of hilarious. I'm a brain surgeon and I've got a brain tumor.

Amelia: You are going to have to tell Meredith [about my tumor] because I can't. She's been telling me I'm crazy for years and this kind of makes her right and I hate that. I think more than anything, I hate that.

Bailey: I don't even work here anymore.
Jackson: What's that mean?
Bailey: [Harper] fired me.
Jackson: He can't do that.
Bailey: Well, he did.
Jackson: Well he can't do that anymore.

Maggie: Oh.
Deluca: Yeah.

Bailey: He fired me.
Ben: No, he didn't.
Bailey: The words from the man's mouth were, "You're fired."
Ben: It doesn't count if the person died right after saying them.

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Meredith: Are you sure you don't want me to call your mom?
Amelia: No. She didn't come for my wedding. She doesn't get to come for my tumor.

Bailey: How many of these have you done?
Tom: So so many.

Megan: [Amelia] avoided you during my surgery. You're avoiding her [before her surgery]. I suddenly understand your marriage completely.

Alex: I'm an excellent judge of character.
Meredith: Right, because you have zero history of crazy girlfriends.
Alex: My judgement has improved with age.

Amelia: Ow. Gawd. So much talking.

Interview: I know that I'm younger than most of your applicants, so to answer some questions you may have: I went to high school at 12, I went to college at 14, I went to medical school at 16, and I lost my virginity at 18.

Katherine: [The service] was tasteful.
Jackson: It was a bunch of kiss asses sniffing around for money telling stories about how Harper Avery was nice and decent and respected women.

Katherine: This is my son Jackson.
Tom: How old is he?
Katherine: Why?
Tom: I want to make sure he's not mine.

Alex: How much money did [Harper Avery] leave you?
Meredith: That's not an appropriate question.
Alex: I just want to know exactly. Did they just back up a truckload of silver spoons?
Jackson: It's a fleet of limos, not a truck.

Meredith: I used to scream at [Amelia] to shut up all the time in my head.
Alex: No, I heard you a couple times.

Katherine: I've been on this planet for six decades. There have been penises in my life that weren't attached to you.

Maggie: You could buy two islands and make them fight each other.

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Alex: Can you put Jo on your service and be nice to her?
Meredith: I'm always nice to Jo.
Alex: Not Mer nice. Real nice.

Jackson: Really, Mer? The cover?
Meredith: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I hate the picture.
Jackson: It does, actually. Thank you.
Alex: What do you care? You could just buy a journal and put your own face on the cover.
Jackson: It's not really the same, is it, Karev?
Alex: If I had that much money, I wouldn't be here.

April: I'm so ready to be dating - anyone who doesn't work at this hospital.

Jackson: That is hand stitched leather.
Ben: Thank God because I wasn't getting in for regular old sewing machine leather.

Tom: That hippie chick? Melody or Tambourine or whatever?
Amelia: Harmony.

Jo: Dr. Grey is creeping me out!

Alex: What do yacht people eat? Caviar? Baby seals?

Jackson: The man who can tie the most surgeon's knots in under a minute wins.
Ben: Wins what?
Jackson: You got a free day on a yacht and you need prizes now?

Jackson: The last one to filet his fish has to buy more beer.
Owen: Isn't that what Deluca's for?

Richard: You paged me to my own office?
Amelia: I need a meeting. I don't have a church basement or coffee or donuts but two sober drunks talking to each other make a meeting.

April: Is it really that hard to find a boyfriend who isn't in jail?

Richard: A porcelain doll. He said he fell on it.
Carina: They always "fell on it."

Tom: Hand is mighty. Mind is weak.

Meredith: Does all that smiling make me seem like a serial killer?
Jo: Yeah, or a preschool teacher with a drug habit.

April: I get shot and [Alex and Jackson] get a sick day?

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Carina: I'll just go put some panties on.

Ben: See? You're mad.
Bailey: I am not mad.
Ben: Then why are you taking the train?
Bailey: I support public transit.

Bailey: Clowns bring joy to children. Scarred clowns lead to traumatized children.

Bailey: Did you know that my husband had secretly started training to intentionally put his body inside of burning buildings?

Jo: Seriously?
Alex: Please don't say that word.

Clown: He's trying not to scar my face. Could you kindly support him in that?

Cleo: How'd you get the idea for the abdominal wall transplant?
Meredith: From a hole in my bedroom wall.
Cleo: You should not say that in your speech if you win.

Bailey: These are not O'Malley tears. I cried all my O'Malley tears over the real O'Malley.

Bailey: Sometimes it's a good idea to just do the job you're trained for.

Liza: What about [Sofia's] dad?
Arizona: He died. And I miss him - all the time, which is actually kind of unexpected because I didn't really like him in the beginning.

Meredith VO: We are forced to acknowledge that certain kinds of MAGIC exist.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Reporter: This is the stuff of legend. Your mother Ellis Grey won two Harper Avery awards. Is that a goal you've set for yourself?
Meredith: Actually, I'd like to win three because that would drive her crazy.

Weber: Bailey, stop trying to play a player.

Bailey: You owe me. You let my husband call his stupid fireman fantasy a fellowship. You aided and abetted an imbecile.

Weber: I'll do it on one condition. You tell me who the anonymous donor is.
Bailey: It's Aretha Franklin.
Weber: Aretha Franklin?
Bailey: No. Do I need to define the word "anonymous"? Come on now.

Intern: Clyde Markham, 66, here for a total thyroidectomy and bilateral neck dissection to rule out any nodal metastases. [looks at scan] Wow. You should have come in sooner.
Jackson: No.
Intern: But better late than never.

Glasses: Dr. Grey, I just want to say thank you for choosing me today.
Meredith: I chose you because you were the only one who didn't suck up so don't ruin it now.

Arizona: OB's short staffed and they keep paging me.
Bailey: Dr. Deluca's an OB, right?
Arizona: Yeah, but she doesn't have privileges.
Bailey: By the power vested in me, blah blah blah. Now go find her and tell her she has temporary privileges, to stop watching ladies masturbate, and to help pull babies out of people.
Arizona: In all fairness, she doesn't actually watch them masturbate.

April: We're going to paper charts?
Weber: They worked pretty well for two centuries, Kepner.

Weber: Denver Medical said they stopped the hackers. But I know the chief. It was just PR. They stopped them with money.
Bailey: They paid  the ransom?
FBI guy: That is NOT true - officially. But yes, you are correct.

Glasses: I don't love seeing the blood.
Meredith: And yet you're a surgeon.

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Schmitt: Front-row seats to the surgical Olympics.
Meredith: Schmitt, quiet.
Schmitt: Thanks for calling me Schmitt. Because sometimes you call me Glasses. I wish we could change it to Specs. Specs sounds way cooler than Glasses. Or look at me now. What about Blood Bank? Blood Bank is awesome!
Meredith: Blood Bank needs to pipe down!

Sam: I defibrillated a sleeping person. I told another one that the world was gonna end. And no one knows this, but the other day, I didn't know where to empty a bedpan, so I just set it on a cart in a hallway. These are not the things that a brilliant intern does. I was top of my class.
DeLuca: Okay, but how is any of this my fault?
Sam: Because I haven't slept because you penetrate me every 5 minutes.
DeLuca: Look, don't put this on me, okay? Every time I look at you, you sex-pout at me.
Sam: That's just my face!

Alex: Intern, what's your name?
Helm: Helm. Like "Hellmouth" without the "outh."

Casey: I'm sure the feds are focusing on common attack vectors because that's protocol. But if it were me, I'd do offline forensic analysis on our servers.
Bailey: Fantastic. Yes. Uh, now go tell them that. Uh, what's the problem?
Casey: Let's just say that, hypothetically, I was convicted of hacking a federal server, as part of my hypothetical sentence, I'm not allowed to manipulate computers in that manner ever again or advise or enable anyone else to.
Bailey: I would say, hypothetically, that wasn't on your application.
Casey: Fair. But records like that are sealed. Hypothetically.
Bailey: Did any of these hypothetical crimes involve literal children or sex or drugs or children and sex and drugs?
Casey: They did not.
Bailey: Or robbing old people of their last $2?
Casey: Also no.
Bailey: Or -
Casey: Chief, do you want me to help you?
Bailey: I do. Write down what you want me to tell the FBI. Nigerian prince?
Casey: DMV. My new license was taking too long. And now you're an accessory to whatever I do moving forward.
Bailey: I did not want to know that.
Casey: I think you did.

Maggie: How many times do you think that we were in the same place in Boston and didn't even know it? Hmm. The aquarium or Fenway Park? Uh The Ugly Duckling? The Swan Boats?
Jackson: Uh, no. Um, I was in Mallorca a lot.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo

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April: Who wants to compete when you can be the judge?
Owen: Um, everyone.

April: Matthew's here.
Jackson: Matthew? Wait, Matthew?
April: Yeah. His wife just had a baby. Emergently. In my arms. Which was...
Jackson: Ironic? Comical? Soul crushing?

Tuck: We're just mixing chemicals. Can't we race wheelchairs?
Tuck's friend: Can we see a dead body?

April: When God created the world, he also created metaphors.

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