Fix the Show

[ketose]

49 minutes ago, okerry said:

I still wish the people in charge of this thing would actually take it halfway seriously. It would make for some fascinating TV if they did. I love trash TV, too, but "trash" is one thing and "garbage" is another, lol. The first season was believable and kind of sweet, but it's gone straight to garbage since then.

Instead of putting out an open casting call, which is only going to bring out the famewhores, try looking on some of the dating sites like eHarmony where most people there are looking for something besides hookups and sometimes really do want to get married.

Comb the site for any who might make suitable candidates and then contact them privately to see if they'll agree to be on the show. And don't limit it only to under-thirty hotties. Let in some older couples and some who might not look exactly TV-ready but are serious about marriage. 

And get some "experts" who are serious about it, too, and not just those who want to be on TV and are really just hanging around to see if they can get strangers to have sex for a TV show. That's all Pepper and the "sex therapist" do. Pastor Cal might be all right, but the rest are worthless.

C'mon, Show! We haven't given up on you yet. We know you can do it!

In the first season, they claimed to use people on dating sites. There was also Dr. Citronella's personality test. Of course, this is just a TV show and some people are not marriage material (David Norton). The big thing about this show is that it's about arranged marriages. If you went the historical route, you might as well draw names out of a hat. Using any kind of match maker is only marginally better. Some people lie, some people don't have chemistry. I think Jamie and Doug worked out because their common interest is being important and liked and this works for them.

The fact that Lifetime picked this up means the television experiment succeeded but the social experiment failed. It looks like the old fashioned method of dating people and marrying them is slightly more successful then getting picked by TV experts.

[peaceknit]

8 hours ago, okerry said:

Comb the site for any who might make suitable candidates and then contact them privately to see if they'll agree to be on the show. And don't limit it only to under-thirty hotties. Let in some older couples and some who might not look exactly TV-ready but are serious about marriage.

A dating show for Boomers would be awesome! 

[Evil Queen]

8 hours ago, okerry said:

I still wish the people in charge of this thing would actually take it halfway seriously. It would make for some fascinating TV if they did. I love trash TV, too, but "trash" is one thing and "garbage" is another, lol. The first season was believable and kind of sweet, but it's gone straight to garbage since then.

Instead of putting out an open casting call, which is only going to bring out the famewhores, try looking on some of the dating sites like eHarmony where most people there are looking for something besides hookups and sometimes really do want to get married.

Comb the site for any who might make suitable candidates and then contact them privately to see if they'll agree to be on the show. And don't limit it only to under-thirty hotties. Let in some older couples and some who might not look exactly TV-ready but are serious about marriage. 

And get some "experts" who are serious about it, too, and not just those who want to be on TV and are really just hanging around to see if they can get strangers to have sex for a TV show. That's all Pepper and the "sex therapist" do. Pastor Cal might be all right, but the rest are worthless.

C'mon, Show! We haven't given up on you yet. We know you can do it!

I do agree that I wish it was taken more seriously because the fact is there would be plenty of natural drama/issues that pop up with people matched to try to make real connections that might last. Yet this show for some reason decided from Season 2 on to just be the dump for the garbage. The fact is that when a "reality show" starts out they usually are more real at times in the first season but after that forget it. Not sure why that is the case but it seems to be with most. Some are just trash from the start depending on what it is though. 

If I remember right they have picked up people off dating sites/apps and such. The problem is how they may be going about it. Are they being honest on what its for or do they lie and tell them its a dating show to get them in once papers are done through it at them the name of the show. We know this show has been recruiting for awhile. I have a feeling if Boston happens they will all be recruits at this point in time. Of course they aren't recruiting from places like eharmony...that we know of. I would think they would have to get permission from the sites like that to do so or would more than likely be out of luck with trying to find people for a tv show though. It seems this show goes to places like Tinder (Tres) or SM (Tom on FB) and who knows how they recruited Danielle. Or whoever else from this season that hasn't been outed on that. 

The fact is this show is not looking to make true matches and be real at all. They don't care. They think its best to "create" matches for drama and if its not happening they butt in. 

As for the "experts"...even calvin is a jerk. He is one that says you should forgive a spouse no matter what they do. He is just as bad as the rest. As well as he is a proven fame whore IMO considering this is his 2nd tv show to be on. So yeah they all can go. rachel with her pervy looks and drooling over their sex lives and pepper with her crap when she didn't even stay married but walked out on it to screw around with other men. Sorry not one of them should give anyone advice EVER. 

I will say I gave up on this show ever doing right long ago. 

[Deni]

Maybe they could do a spin off where they go up to couples on the street and ask them to get married today. I think that would be interesting because, the show wouldn't know how long the couple has been together. It could be weeks, months or years. 

Even better, they could tell them (the couples on the street) that the show is going to throw them a lavish wedding in one month. Then the show can document the time period up to the wedding, and see who is going to back out of the contract. 

Edited July 27, 2017 by Deni

[Paddywagon]

1 hour ago, Deni said:

Maybe they could do a spin off where they go up to couples on the street and ask them to get married today. I think that would be interesting because, the show wouldn't know how long the couple has been together. It could be weeks, months or years. 

Even better, they could tell them (the couples on the street) that the show is going to throw them a lavish wedding in one month. Then the show can document the time period up to the wedding, and see who is going to back out of the contract. 

I love this idea!  Srsly, you should submit it to Lifetime.  I think it would also eliminate the fame seekers who show up to the cattle calls or those just looking to shill their business.  

Just think, they could pick gay couples or different nationalities. People's reactions would probably be pretty entertaining!  They could show the couples who get cold feet and back out or those who need to confess something before tying the knot, lol, then the weddings.  It could also have some awesome backstories on the couples!  The show could cover their marriage up to 6 months with a reunion show at 1 year.

It could be a really good show as long as they keep the editing monkeys on a short leash.

What should the show be called?  "Are you Ready to be Married" or "Hey, Wanna Get Married Today"?  Lol!

[Evil Queen]

2 hours ago, Paddywagon said:

I love this idea!  Srsly, you should submit it to Lifetime.  I think it would also eliminate the fame seekers who show up to the cattle calls or those just looking to shill their business.  

Just think, they could pick gay couples or different nationalities. People's reactions would probably be pretty entertaining!  They could show the couples who get cold feet and back out or those who need to confess something before tying the knot, lol, then the weddings.  It could also have some awesome backstories on the couples!  The show could cover their marriage up to 6 months with a reunion show at 1 year.

It could be a really good show as long as they keep the editing monkeys on a short leash.

What should the show be called?  "Are you Ready to be Married" or "Hey, Wanna Get Married Today"?  Lol!

Them and the producers that think we ONLY want to see drama and nothing else. I think some of these idiots forget that a marriage comes with its own issues that can lead to drama at times between a couple to work through. As for the suggestion if one could keep those 2 issues at bay and the fame whores from finding out and figuring ways to get picked that could work well. Now would anyone watch if they didn't have all the trumped up fake drama bs? I know I would. My friend and I have sat talking about it before because of the fake bs that goes on with these shows and those that end up in them either hoping for more than 15 mins of fame or trying to hawk you some goods. I know I don't watch many "reality" shows because its just to much "drama" and bs for my tastes. Something going back to being real would be so nice to see. We all know there can be struggles leading up to a wedding, as was said if one gets cold feet leading up to it and how it can be after the wedding. More so if you can find a couple that hasn't lived together yet as well since that brings its own issues/adjustments. Oh and no stupid "experts" either giving relationship advice at all since that does no good as we have seen. I think most people could get better advice from friends and family. Good idea Deni!

[Paddywagon]

And if they show the wedding planning you know there'll be a bridezilla in there somewhere, lol.  

So, yeah, no need for the fake drama.  The real stuff is better anyway.

There could also be some really poignant stories where couples have struggled through hard situtations, injuries, illnesses, and came out stronger.  It'd be awesome to cheer them on if they got married on the show.

Not everything needs to be negative on these shows, contrary to what's been shown lately.

Edited July 27, 2017 by Paddywagon

[Evil Queen]

20 minutes ago, Paddywagon said:

And if they show the wedding planning you know there'll be a bridezilla in there somewhere, lol.  

So, yeah, no need for the fake drama.  The real stuff is better anyway.

There could also be some really poignant stories where couples have struggled through hard situtations, injuries, illnesses, and came out stronger.  It'd be awesome to cheer them on if they got married on the show.

Not everything needs to be negative on these shows, contrary to what's been shown lately.

I couldn't agree more with all of this. I can only take so much of the negative with the shows. Its nice to have couples with background stories that you want to cheer them on and hope they enjoy a long happy life together. 

[Neurochick]

3 hours ago, Evil Queen said:

Them and the producers that think we ONLY want to see drama and nothing else. I think some of these idiots forget that a marriage comes with its own issues that can lead to drama at times between a couple to work through. As for the suggestion if one could keep those 2 issues at bay and the fame whores from finding out and figuring ways to get picked that could work well. Now would anyone watch if they didn't have all the trumped up fake drama bs? I know I would. My friend and I have sat talking about it before because of the fake bs that goes on with these shows and those that end up in them either hoping for more than 15 mins of fame or trying to hawk you some goods.

But the truth is, most people DO want to only see drama.  If that weren't the case, none of the Real Housewives shows would get more than a first season.  

I also don't mind people hawking goods either.  Why?  How much does the show pay the couples?  How much does Lifetime make on this show?  How much do the producers make?  See, on reality shows, everybody else is making money, producers, network, etc; why shouldn't the actual participants make money?  

On July 10, 2017 at 1:53 AM, Evil Queen said:

As for the "experts"...even calvin is a jerk. He is one that says you should forgive a spouse no matter what they do.

I don't know about that.  I think what he sees are people who want to quit too soon.  It seems like today, everybody's so hypersensitive, that they view every negative thing as abuse or disrespect.  It's like people say, "you looked at me wrong, let's break up."  And the problem also is that we, the audience don't have the full information, many times we really don't know what was said.  I think last season with Heather and what's his name was a good example; I never knew what exactly happened to cause Heather to react the way she did.  There were rumors, but it was never explained on the show.

[27bored]

I don't necessarily want to see The Drama when it's overly manufactured and clearly the result of the producers crafting a narrative. I like the idea of two strangers getting married at first sight. It's interesting if you just let people go and see what happens. Don't manufacture things where there isn't anything there. If you think it's going to be boring to have a more detached, documentary-style show, as opposed to one of those bullshit Bravo Channel reality shows, imagine how boring it is week after week hearing these couples whine about the same things. I don't want two months of any couple whining about not having sex, and if it's going to be a big deal, at least have the experts address the issues as they arise. I don't think any of them wanted to be seen as giving the females a hard time, so they instead offered bogus "couple's" advice.

[Evil Queen]

42 minutes ago, 27bored said:

I don't necessarily want to see The Drama when it's overly manufactured and clearly the result of the producers crafting a narrative. I like the idea of two strangers getting married at first sight. It's interesting if you just let people go and see what happens. Don't manufacture things where there isn't anything there. If you think it's going to be boring to have a more detached, documentary-style show, as opposed to one of those bullshit Bravo Channel reality shows, imagine how boring it is week after week hearing these couples whine about the same things. I don't want two months of any couple whining about not having sex, and if it's going to be a big deal, at least have the experts address the issues as they arise. I don't think any of them wanted to be seen as giving the females a hard time, so they instead offered bogus "couple's" advice.

Well said. There is a HUGE reason I don't watch the Housewives and so many other of those kind of shows. I don't like the made up bs they try to sell. I don't like how fake the people are on it. I stopped watching the Bachelor many years ago because it got old quick with the bs. This show is heading that way. If they were to do another MAFS Second Chances I wouldn't watch it if someone paid me. That was the worse made up bs over the top low budgeted drama. I am not into it. While I know some are and that is fine but its not for me. At this point I question why I am still watching this show knowing how much more a hand the producers have in it then they really should IMO. As 27bored said just let it go and see what happens. There is so much natural "drama" that comes with being married. Match couples for the right reasons and it will come. Give us couples to cheer and show us the good and bad....not all one side this way or that. It gets old seeing people rip apart some of the people in these couples when the facts are the show plays games with the edits and the real reasons for fights are never shown or the reasons for other issues....

[ethalfrida]

Evilqueen and Bored... right on! I was kind of peeved last night when one of my FB groups annoucnced Cody and Danielle's decision. So I went straight to the show and started watching. It wasn't long before I was more peeved at the show than I was at the spoiler. Still annoyed which tells me I really have other things to do.

But have you all heard of Frankenbites?

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/low_concept/2004/09/virtual_dictionary.html

[call me ishmael]

I think it would be most interesting if they made the "experts" marry 3 people at first sight.  Then we could see the Pastor showing how to do commitment, the relationship person interview herself about intimacy issues, and Dr. Pepper discuss how well they were all matched up.  I'm sure it would be educational and a radical social experiment so long as they understood that THEY ARE LEGALLY MARRIED AND NOT JUST DATING.....

[Jellybeans]

21 minutes ago, call me ishmael said:

I think it would be most interesting if they made the "experts" marry 3 people at first sight.  Then we could see the Pastor showing how to do commitment, the relationship person interview herself about intimacy issues, and Dr. Pepper discuss how well they were all matched up.  I'm sure it would be educational and a radical social experiment so long as they understood that THEY ARE LEGALLY MARRIED AND NOT JUST DATING.....

I laughed really hard!  :-)

[Evil Queen]

4 hours ago, ethalfrida said:

Evilqueen and Bored... right on! I was kind of peeved last night when one of my FB groups annoucnced Cody and Danielle's decision. So I went straight to the show and started watching. It wasn't long before I was more peeved at the show than I was at the spoiler. Still annoyed which tells me I really have other things to do.

But have you all heard of Frankenbites?

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/low_concept/2004/09/virtual_dictionary.html

I have heard of it. This show is really beyond obvious that its what they do IMO. Its really disgusting that its worse with each season. I'm jut glad I am not the only one that is annoyed by this crap though....as well as actually sees it. 

[discoprincess]

This is a little thing, but from watching this Decision Day, I think they should have each member of the couple announce one's decision to stay in the marriage (or not) with the other spouse, not in the room, and then have the experts reveal each other's decisions when they come together again. Then, we can see how things play out (especially if the decisions are not the same).

I think that would have been appropriate especially with Cody and Danielle.

Another thing would be to allow an out for a couple that is obviously floundering (again, Cody and Danielle). If it's early enough in the season (like when Cody friend-zoned Danielle, or when Heather left Derek after the honeymoon), then maybe the show would have enough time to bring in runner-ups into the experiment. Besides, the couples don't meet each other until much later in the season anyway, so it's not as if the intergroup dynamic will be thrown off-kilter.

Edited July 31, 2017 by discoprincess

[Evil Queen]

3 hours ago, discoprincess said:

Another thing would be to allow an out for a couple that is obviously floundering (again, Cody and Danielle). If it's early enough in the season (like when Cody friend-zoned Danielle, or when Heather left Derek after the honeymoon), then maybe the show would have enough time to bring in runner-ups into the experiment. Besides, the couples don't meet each other until much later in the season anyway, so it's not as if the intergroup dynamic will be thrown off-kilter.

Really there is still time when its that way but these people are locked in contracts that don't allow for an out. I am also thinking they wouldn't have the budget to allow for this. It wouldn't be difficult to have a couple or 2 on the back burner just in case but the budget is another thing...with how contracts are set up. I think in the cast of Cody and Danielle we just weren't show a lot because it didn't fit productions idea for them. They may not have really been as floundering as it looked to us if we had been shown other things that went on. Heather and Derek were a different story because of Derek's drug use and temper. There was things not shown that I think either production knew about or was caught on camera that she was able to not have to be put in more of that situation but just had to film snippets to finish up the contract with them, you know? The big problem with this show is really the producers then the "experts" and editors. 

[discoprincess]

1 hour ago, Evil Queen said:

Really there is still time when its that way but these people are locked in contracts that don't allow for an out. I am also thinking they wouldn't have the budget to allow for this. It wouldn't be difficult to have a couple or 2 on the back burner just in case but the budget is another thing...with how contracts are set up. I think in the cast of Cody and Danielle we just weren't show a lot because it didn't fit productions idea for them. They may not have really been as floundering as it looked to us if we had been shown other things that went on. Heather and Derek were a different story because of Derek's drug use and temper. There was things not shown that I think either production knew about or was caught on camera that she was able to not have to be put in more of that situation but just had to film snippets to finish up the contract with them, you know? The big problem with this show is really the producers then the "experts" and editors. 

I thought Derek was only a pothead.

I can't believe that either Derek didn't disclose that to the producers, and if he had, that the producers didn't take that into consideration when matching him with Heather. 

You have a point about contractual obligations. I wonder what they say about having to stay married (even if they are separated).

 

I wonder whether Danielle would have been willing to forfeit any future earnings by bailing on the experiment early. (She almost didn't come through that door in the beginning!) 

[Jellybeans]

I have not heard Derek was a drug user, only that he used pot.  Some might say that is drug use.  

[JocelynCavanaugh]

Pot is literally a drug. Maybe it should be legal but it fits the definition of a drug and I personally would not want to be married to a squinty-eyed, self-righteous stoner. 

[Jellybeans]

10 hours ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

Pot is literally a drug. Maybe it should be legal but it fits the definition of a drug and I personally would not want to be married to a squinty-eyed, self-righteous stoner. 

It is legal in 29 states.  I am a medical user and find alcohol far more dangerous than pot.  It is not what people think it is but alcohol certainly lives up to its reputation on a daily basis.  People die all the time on opoids and alcohol but never on pot.

Many of our medicines come from plants, herbs and fungi.  Aspirin, for example.

I am still curious about what really happened with Derick and Heather.  Pot makes you mellow.  Not hostile.  Alcohol makes you angry.  So what happened?  I would like to know too.  I guess we will never know.

I would go a step further on the show and encourage participants not to drink on the show.  I am anti-alcohol by the way.  I have never told anyone not to drink, people would be surprised to know this about me.  But I am a master at blending in- give me water with a lime and I fit right in.  I hate the stuff.  Not the taste but how it makes people behave.

But alcohol seems to be a huge part of reality shows. I think producers encourage it.

[JocelynCavanaugh]

1 hour ago, Jellybeans said:

It is legal in 29 states.  I am a medical user and find alcohol far more dangerous than pot.  It is not what people think it is but alcohol certainly lives up to its reputation on a daily basis.  People die all the time on opoids and alcohol but never on pot.

Many of our medicines come from plants, herbs and fungi.  Aspirin, for example.

I am still curious about what really happened with Derick and Heather.  Pot makes you mellow.  Not hostile.  Alcohol makes you angry.  So what happened?  I would like to know too.  I guess we will never know.

I would go a step further on the show and encourage participants not to drink on the show.  I am anti-alcohol by the way.  I have never told anyone not to drink, people would be surprised to know this about me.  But I am a master at blending in- give me water with a lime and I fit right in.  I hate the stuff.  Not the taste but how it makes people behave.

But alcohol seems to be a huge part of reality shows. I think producers encourage it.

You don't have to defend your medical marijuana use. I'm just not sure how anyone could question whether pot is a drug when it literally is a drug and using it is using a drug. That's not an opinion or a moral judgment. I don't care if people use it but it seemed to make Derek an even bigger dickbag and I don't blame Heather for peacing out. 

[Jellybeans]

1 hour ago, JocelynCavanaugh said:

You don't have to defend your medical marijuana use. I'm just not sure how anyone could question whether pot is a drug when it literally is a drug and using it is using a drug. That's not an opinion or a moral judgment. I don't care if people use it but it seemed to make Derek an even bigger dickbag and I don't blame Heather for peacing out. 

I agree he did something.  I am not sure what.  If he did nothing but smoke weed, that would annoy me.  But it would also annoy me if she did nothing but drink.  

I just do not know the story.  I don't like Derick at all by the way.  I don't know why what happened was kept a secret... perhaps it should be in contracts that if you misbehave, we get to know lol.

I will say that pot has nothing to do with his eyes.  I use daily and my eyes are not squinty at all, lmao!  And, I broke my foot plus had surgery this month.  The doctors were surprised I had no need for pain meds at all.  :-)  

[qtpye]

On Friday, July 28, 2017 at 4:35 PM, call me ishmael said:

I think it would be most interesting if they made the "experts" marry 3 people at first sight.  Then we could see the Pastor showing how to do commitment, the relationship person interview herself about intimacy issues, and Dr. Pepper discuss how well they were all matched up.  I'm sure it would be educational and a radical social experiment so long as they understood that THEY ARE LEGALLY MARRIED AND NOT JUST DATING.....

I think this is brilliant.  Let's fix up all the unmarried expert using their own tools.   

[Evil Queen]

On 7/31/2017 at 0:42 PM, discoprincess said:

I thought Derek was only a pothead.

I can't believe that either Derek didn't disclose that to the producers, and if he had, that the producers didn't take that into consideration when matching him with Heather. 

You have a point about contractual obligations. I wonder what they say about having to stay married (even if they are separated).

 

I wonder whether Danielle would have been willing to forfeit any future earnings by bailing on the experiment early. (She almost didn't come through that door in the beginning!) 

I can believe he didn't tell them. Why would he admit to illegal drug use to the show when he wanted to be on tv? 

I don't think it would be a matter of willing to forfeit any earnings but more like would she be willing to pony up some money to the show for wanting out. I don't remember the article but was reminded of it a bit ago that producers or whoever it was from MAFS had said that if a person backed out of the show at the alter they would end up having to pay a big sum of money for doing so. Which I take it was trying to recoup on time, money spent for putting it all together and what they ponied up for things so far and the crew's pay. So I am thinking there is no real way to back out of things unless you do it before they start to film. At least this is how it sounds to me. 

7 hours ago, Jellybeans said:

I am still curious about what really happened with Derick and Heather.  Pot makes you mellow.  Not hostile.  Alcohol makes you angry.  So what happened?  I would like to know too.  I guess we will never know.

This is one of those things that is not true with all. Just as the saying that alcohol makes one angry. I have never been angry from taking a drink or known anyone that did either but yes there are those that can be. I have know a few people that were not as mellow as some claim pot should make them. Just as I have heard some claim someone can't be addicted to pot...which that is wrong as well. There are claims that one doesn't become paranoid from pot...yeah right...had a friend end up that way after using it. This was many years ago. Just because one doesn't experience it in their use or around those that might use also doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. As well as I do know that not all medical pot is going to get people high but is to help with pain and there are different kinds of pot and strengths to it. 

Pot is a drug no matter if its legal or illegal. 

Oh and there are those that are allergic to pot smoke. My MIL is one of them. She learned that when her kids were in their teens. I know I hate the smell it and get sick to my stomach from it when its a lot. I learned that thanks to neighbors we had a few years back in an apartment where their use of that and other stuff seeped into our place and it lingered. 

[gonecrackers]

I think that pot is not physically addictive, but it is emotionally addictive ?  (not talking about medicinal use, though, which is very different)  If someone is emotionally addicted to something, it can cause them to act erratically & probably angrily at times too. He could've also just had an anger issue that was unrelated to his (most likely) pot use. Whatever the case Derrick was not acting in a respectful manner toward Heather, at all, (putting it mildly here) & she had every right to leave that situation quickly. Even though they got the 'experts' pressure on her, it didn't work & the show let go. She had to do a few spots but didn't have to stay married, which, as I see it, says something wasn't right there.

Makes me wonder if someone felt they needed to leave one of these situations but was pressured somehow to stay on & suffered emotional damage would the show be held liable.

Also makes me wonder if they reimbursed Neil for his therapy...

Edited August 1, 2017 by gonecrackers

[Evil Queen]

1 hour ago, gonecrackers said:

Makes me wonder if someone felt they needed to leave one of these situations but was pressured somehow to stay on & suffered emotional damage would the show be held liable.

Also makes me wonder if they reimbursed Neil for his therapy...

Doubt they did. I don't think they care what damage is done to these people at all. They had a very close to physical abuse situation there with Jessica/Ryan and it ending with really bad threats that led to a restraining order. Along with her and her family going into hiding because of it for however long. I don't think the MAFS producers or "experts" EVER accepted being responsibly for it getting to that point. They put them together. Saw the way things went and ended but I think they did the best to sweep it under the rug and get to the next season. Neil had to get therapy for the verbal abuse from Sam which says a lot about that situation that we didn't see as well and not once did they end that either. They obviously worked something out with Heather to make sure the truth hasn't come out on what went down on that honeymoon to make her want out ASAP. So another thing swept under the rug there and an edit job to make it look like she was cold to him and upset over cigarettes when it aired...while truth is bigger than all that. That is just the US side of things. There is the issues from the ones in the other countries as well. Its sad but I think it would have to take something really bad to happen before this show accepted any responsibility for things and even then I doubt they would. 

[discoprincess]

On 8/1/2017 at 4:43 PM, Evil Queen said:

I can believe he didn't tell them. Why would he admit to illegal drug use to the show when he wanted to be on tv? 

I don't think it would be a matter of willing to forfeit any earnings but more like would she be willing to pony up some money to the show for wanting out. I don't remember the article but was reminded of it a bit ago that producers or whoever it was from MAFS had said that if a person backed out of the show at the alter they would end up having to pay a big sum of money for doing so. Which I take it was trying to recoup on time, money spent for putting it all together and what they ponied up for things so far and the crew's pay. So I am thinking there is no real way to back out of things unless you do it before they start to film. At least this is how it sounds to me. 

This is one of those things that is not true with all. Just as the saying that alcohol makes one angry. I have never been angry from taking a drink or known anyone that did either but yes there are those that can be. I have know a few people that were not as mellow as some claim pot should make them. Just as I have heard some claim someone can't be addicted to pot...which that is wrong as well. There are claims that one doesn't become paranoid from pot...yeah right...had a friend end up that way after using it. This was many years ago. Just because one doesn't experience it in their use or around those that might use also doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. As well as I do know that not all medical pot is going to get people high but is to help with pain and there are different kinds of pot and strengths to it. 

Pot is a drug no matter if its legal or illegal. 

Oh and there are those that are allergic to pot smoke. My MIL is one of them. She learned that when her kids were in their teens. I know I hate the smell it and get sick to my stomach from it when its a lot. I learned that thanks to neighbors we had a few years back in an apartment where their use of that and other stuff seeped into our place and it lingered. 

He still could have disclosed it whether or not pot is legal. I didn't expect that to be addressed on the air 

[Snarklepuss]

Regarding the pot as a drug issue, it is most definitely a mind altering drug.  Yes, it makes people mellow but it also IMO can make people lethargic and not give a crap about stuff they should care about, especially if they use it too much for them.

Everyone's different so some people don't have the same bad effects from any drug, pot, alcohol or anything else.  Anything that can cause bad behavior when abused is IMO not a great thing to do to the extent that it causes that behavior.  Social weed smoking and drinking are one thing but when it goes over the line into causing bad behavior that's not good.  And I don't believe pot can't end up in bad behavior if abused.  It may be a different kind of bad behavior than caused by alcohol, but IMO it's bad behavior nonetheless.

Also, the people that tend to abuse drugs can sometimes do so to self medicate for pre-existing psychological/emotional issues that they're having a hard time facing without that "medication", so some of the bad behavior is the drug exacerbating issues that are already there.  People may think the drug helps them "cope" but it only causes a nightmare for everyone else they come in contact with.  They may feel better, but everyone else feels worse!

[Guest]

I know it's been addressed, but this show lacks credible, responsible editing.  In a 42 minute show, we get at least 15 minutes of prior clips, and 5 minutes, or more, of experts. We seem to all agree that the less we see of the experts, the better.  More time should be spent on the couples, along with less time on experts, and fewer flashbacks.

The reunion was painful to watch, the clips were misused. They could have shown a 5 second clip, turned to the participants, and asked if they had any comments.  That's what Project Runway did one time, and it was very eye opening, because they let us know what had happened before the clip that explained why things went down that way.

[discoprincess]

8 hours ago, Swim mom said:

I know it's been addressed, but this show lacks credible, responsible editing.  In a 42 minute show, we get at least 15 minutes of prior clips, and 5 minutes, or more, of experts. We seem to all agree that the less we see of the experts, the better.  More time should be spent on the couples, along with less time on experts, and fewer flashbacks.

The reunion was painful to watch, the clips were misused. They could have shown a 5 second clip, turned to the participants, and asked if they had any comments.  That's what Project Runway did one time, and it was very eye opening, because they let us know what had happened before the clip that explained why things went down that way.

Didn't Cody say that scene of him allegedly being caught masturbating wasn't as depicted?

9 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

Regarding the pot as a drug issue, it is most definitely a mind altering drug.  Yes, it makes people mellow but it also IMO can make people lethargic and not give a crap about stuff they should care about, especially if they use it too much for them.

Everyone's different so some people don't have the same bad effects from any drug, pot, alcohol or anything else.  Anything that can cause bad behavior when abused is IMO not a great thing to do to the extent that it causes that behavior.  Social weed smoking and drinking are one thing but when it goes over the line into causing bad behavior that's not good.  And I don't believe pot can't end up in bad behavior if abused.  It may be a different kind of bad behavior than caused by alcohol, but IMO it's bad behavior nonetheless.

Also, the people that tend to abuse drugs can sometimes do so to self medicate for pre-existing psychological/emotional issues that they're having a hard time facing without that "medication", so some of the bad behavior is the drug exacerbating issues that are already there.  People may think the drug helps them "cope" but it only causes a nightmare for everyone else they come in contact with.  They may feel better, but everyone else feels worse!

The reason I figured Derek would have felt it was no big deal being open that he smoked pot with Heather and the producers was that there is a perception that pot isn't as "dangerous" as other street drugs; it's more or less harmless. (I'm not saying I agree with that, by the way.) If pot made someone mellow and not angry, then why wouldn't someone like Heather accept it? Meanwhile, alcohol can get a bad rap, which seemed to be why Derek had no qualms taking Heather to task on her drinking. (I'm not passing judgement on Heather's drinking though.) 

 

There are those people who would prefer someone who either does not drink or does not do any drugs; I am one of them. Some consider that thing a deal breaker. That is why I side-eyed the depiction of the Heather-Derek marriage breakdown as being due to differences over using pot and alcohol. That was something that the matchmakers should have taken into consideration if they wanted to make a responsible match (ha).

[Evil Queen]

4 hours ago, discoprincess said:

Didn't Cody say that scene of him allegedly being caught masturbating wasn't as depicted?

The reason I figured Derek would have felt it was no big deal being open that he smoked pot with Heather and the producers was that there is a perception that pot isn't as "dangerous" as other street drugs; it's more or less harmless. (I'm not saying I agree with that, by the way.) If pot made someone mellow and not angry, then why wouldn't someone like Heather accept it? Meanwhile, alcohol can get a bad rap, which seemed to be why Derek had no qualms taking Heather to task on her drinking. (I'm not passing judgement on Heather's drinking though.) 

 

There are those people who would prefer someone who either does not drink or does not do any drugs; I am one of them. Some consider that thing a deal breaker. That is why I side-eyed the depiction of the Heather-Derek marriage breakdown as being due to differences over using pot and alcohol. That was something that the matchmakers should have taken into consideration if they wanted to make a responsible match (ha).

Yes that scene with Cody was not what it seemed at all. It was a load of bull just like a lot of this show has become IMO. 

As for Heather drinking, I don't think she drank as much as they tried to make it look. I said it during the season too that the scene with them having dinner was so all over the place that she didn't have as much as people think. I would bet he had just as much to drink during there honeymoon as well since he was drinking a bunch as well besides getting high. Yet that dinner was hard not to spot the bad editing. One minute there is just full drinks on the table, the next food, then no food but drinks and back and forth all over with that and how much was in each glass as well. It was badly done. 

As for the issues with pot for Heather, it would be a risk for her considering her job as a flight attendant that she loves. What if he was busted with it and she was along? She could lose her job and then what? I honestly don't think it was just the pot that was the issue but his temper as well. There are things not discussed and shown that it was bad enough that they settled on her not going back to the marriage and just doing those snippets. Which IMO IF by chance there is another season of Second Chances and they put him on it they are really showing they are BEYOND irresponsible and could really care less for anyone that is on their shows. 

[Snarklepuss]

6 hours ago, discoprincess said:

The reason I figured Derek would have felt it was no big deal being open that he smoked pot with Heather and the producers was that there is a perception that pot isn't as "dangerous" as other street drugs; it's more or less harmless. (I'm not saying I agree with that, by the way.) If pot made someone mellow and not angry, then why wouldn't someone like Heather accept it? Meanwhile, alcohol can get a bad rap, which seemed to be why Derek had no qualms taking Heather to task on her drinking. (I'm not passing judgement on Heather's drinking though.)

We don't know how Derek's pot smoking affected him or how Heather perceived it, so I personally can't expect her to accept it without knowing that.  We also don't know if Derek abused other substances as well that we don't know about.  Everyone presumed it was only weed but it could have been more than just that.

Plus I agree with @Evil Queen that Heather could have lost her job by being associated with someone that smoked weed or abused other drugs and I posted about that on the board back in that season myself.  Plus I agree with her that Heather's drinking was not as much of an issue as was made of it on the show.  I actually think the show was downright kind to Derek's image at the expense of Heather.  I sometimes wonder if one of the reasons they let her out of her contract so early was because she threatened to go public with what she knew about Derek if they didn't, and they didn't want to risk that because it would make them look very bad.

[Evil Queen]

10 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

  I actually think the show was downright kind to Derek's image at the expense of Heather.  I sometimes wonder if one of the reasons they let her out of her contract so early was because she threatened to go public with what she knew about Derek if they didn't, and they didn't want to risk that because it would make them look very bad.

I found it pretty shitty that this show gave Heather the edit they did too. It felt very on purpose because she wouldn't go along with what they wanted. Sadly this isn't the first situation they had on their show where they put someone in a bad situation with someone with a temper either....among other things. I can imagine after the first time they wanted to keep anything and everything as hush hush as they could with whatever went on with Heather and Derek. Sadly I can see this show throwing around their own threats as well to keep people either in the marriage and going back or to just finish out like Heather did with stupid snippets. Which you could tell she was miserable doing. 

10 hours ago, Snarklepuss said:

We also don't know if Derek abused other substances as well that we don't know about.  Everyone presumed it was only weed but it could have been more than just that.

Agree with this too. We don't know. It could have been more than just weed. 

[discoprincess]

On 8/7/2017 at 1:01 PM, Evil Queen said:

I found it pretty shitty that this show gave Heather the edit they did too. It felt very on purpose because she wouldn't go along with what they wanted. Sadly this isn't the first situation they had on their show where they put someone in a bad situation with someone with a temper either....among other things. I can imagine after the first time they wanted to keep anything and everything as hush hush as they could with whatever went on with Heather and Derek. Sadly I can see this show throwing around their own threats as well to keep people either in the marriage and going back or to just finish out like Heather did with stupid snippets. Which you could tell she was miserable doing. 

Agree with this too. We don't know. It could have been more than just weed. 

You have a point. Derek could have been indulging in more than weed. However, the vibe I got from the show was a weed vs. alcohol thing.

 

i also acknowledge that whatever was going on behind the scenes, Heather knew this marriage was NOT for her, and no way was she going to wait it out. If the show used that experience to pressure Danielle to stick things out with Cody, that'd be a bad precedent to set. There really should be a way out if you know after even two weeks that the marriage is DOA.

[gonecrackers]

I would say they could have 'back up couples', in case, so that when someone opts out they still have a show without them, but I think they're having trouble getting enough people to make the three main couples.

Edited August 10, 2017 by gonecrackers
trouble wording

[qtpye]

On Thursday, August 10, 2017 at 9:52 AM, gonecrackers said:

I would say they could have 'back up couples', in case, so that when someone opts out they still have a show without them, but I think they're having trouble getting enough people to make the three main couples.

I think it might have been confirmed that Sam and Neil were a back up couple, after one of the orignal three backed out at the alter...not sure about this.

[brilliantbreakfast]

On 7/10/2017 at 1:51 AM, peaceknit said:

A dating show for Boomers would be awesome! 

One concept that I've thought would be interesting would be matching widows and widowers.  They don't have to do older people, there are plenty of young widowed, unfortunately.  But these people bring an added dimension, and often added depth to the process.  You'd have to want to take this seriously, not just look for drama.  It might be compelling television without being a train wreck.

[Gem 10]

On July 10, 2017 at 1:51 AM, peaceknit said:

A dating show for Boomers would be awesome! 

Y E S !!!!  I've often thought of that.  Singles, divorced people, have kids, don't have kids.  That would be awesome.

[seniorpatriot]

If the producers really want some drama, instead of pairing people who are so clearly WRONG for each other like this season , how about this?

Make A Married at First Sight show for SENIORS? Have to be at least 50. These people have most likely been married before, already know a lot of the married ropes, have kids most likely ( a major source of contention in a lot of second marriages.) Many are very set in their ways, many are very likely to compare their new spouse with deceased ones. Now THAT would be a show.

The problem for the drama thirsty producers would be this: Older people have also learned a lot in life about compromise, about not making a mountain out of a molehill, finances are pretty settled and so forth. But the very fact that seniors have learned not to give a big old shit about petty things might make it boring, except for the things like are listed above.  Along with things like they prob both own homes, so where would they live, they prob are both retired which means more "underfoot" with the stranger you married, more "crankiness."

I don't know, I just think it would be a great idea. 

[DangerousMinds]

I don't know many people who are retired at age 50.

[Yeah No]

Yeah, no, not too many people retired at 50 but these days in the business world some people are involuntarily "retired" or "bought out" at 55, and then have a hell of a time finding a new job and some just give up.

They don't make very many shows about anyone over 40 anymore.  With rare exception network producers have decided we don't count for any number of reasons that in my opinion are not valid.  I've heard all the arguments and to me they're all based on ageist myths disguised as "bottom dollar" rationales.

But as far as seniors being more settled with a lot of things, I think that's not generally true.  I know a lot of seniors that can't afford to retire and are far from settled about themselves or their lives in general.  A lot of people never learn from their mistakes, especially in relationships.  But one thing I can probably safely generalize about is that most older people would have more sense than to get involved in being married at first sight because we're generally not that impulsive or desperate for a relationship, and would know from having learned a lot of life lessons that it would likely not work out.  So I think they'd have a hard time finding anyone to do it except the most dysfunctional people!

[Madding crowd]

I don’t  think age 50 is a senior.

Edited February 13, 2018 by Madding crowd

[humbleopinion]

Agreed, the 50 somethings I kick box, do Pilates, swing kettles with would not take too kindly being called seniors....

 Gen X would be more kinder, gentler label to separate them from those of retirement age....

Edited February 13, 2018 by humbleopinion

[DangerousMinds]

I'm almost 50 and if I lost my job, I'd be homeless within months if I just "gave up."

[seniorpatriot]

On 2/13/2018 at 10:17 AM, Madding crowd said:

I don’t  think age 50 is a senior.

I didn't say they were, It was just an age limit suggesstion for the show might have to be set at say around 50. SOme maybe retired , at that age, but naturally when I am talking about retirement I am talking of the over 60 crowd. 

Some banks give 50 and over their first free checking account and call them their "senior" plan. Life insurances do the same thing. SOme of those are even at 45. So once again, I never meant that 50's were seniors, just a suggested minimum age of participants in the show. 

[seniorpatriot]

On 2/12/2018 at 11:39 PM, Yeah No said:

Yeah, no, not too many people retired at 50 but these days in the business world some people are involuntarily "retired" or "bought out" at 55, and then have a hell of a time finding a new job and some just give up.

They don't make very many shows about anyone over 40 anymore.  With rare exception network producers have decided we don't count for any number of reasons that in my opinion are not valid.  I've heard all the arguments and to me they're all based on ageist myths disguised as "bottom dollar" rationales.

But as far as seniors being more settled with a lot of things, I think that's not generally true.  I know a lot of seniors that can't afford to retire and are far from settled about themselves or their lives in general.  A lot of people never learn from their mistakes, especially in relationships.  But one thing I can probably safely generalize about is that most older people would have more sense than to get involved in being married at first sight because we're generally not that impulsive or desperate for a relationship, and would know from having learned a lot of life lessons that it would likely not work out.  So I think they'd have a hard time finding anyone to do it except the most dysfunctional people!

LOL, well what are they doing now? Getting severely dysfuntional guests for nearly every reality show out there. That is what sells.  And that is why I think a senior married at first sight would have a lot of viewers. Agree tho that tv shows seem to completely ignore the senior crowd for their shows, I even suggested once that they do a singing contest like IDOL, for people who may have had the dream at one time, but who now would like another shot at their dream in the older years.  I gave up my music dreams to stay at home and raise kids for example. And I did have a real shot at it. 

[Madding crowd]

20 minutes ago, seniorpatriot said:

I didn't say they were, It was just an age limit suggesstion for the show might have to be set at say around 50. SOme maybe retired , at that age, but naturally when I am talking about retirement I am talking of the over 60 crowd. 

Some banks give 50 and over their first free checking account and call them their "senior" plan. Life insurances do the same thing. SOme of those are even at 45. So once again, I never meant that 50's were seniors, just a suggested minimum age of participants in the show. 

Don’t know anyone retired at 50 or even 60. Also never saw a bank or insurance company calling 45 year olds senior citizens. Most people I know that are 50, including me still have kids at home.

If 45 is a senior citizen, 25 must be middle aged! Lol 

[seniorpatriot]

I got my first senior bank account (free checking) at age 50. Ads are on TV all the time about life insurance, "if you are a senior aged 45-85, call now."  And so forth. Didn't mean to offend anyone with this thread. Sorry..................

[peaceknit]

On 2/18/2018 at 8:13 AM, Madding crowd said:

Don’t know anyone retired at 50 or even 60. Also never saw a bank or insurance company calling 45 year olds senior citizens. Most people I know that are 50, including me still have kids at home.

If 45 is a senior citizen, 25 must be middle aged! Lol 

Well, I'm 62 and retired at 55, but this was accomplished by over 20 years with state government and a resulting defined benefit pension, almost unheard of now. Best decision of my life, choosing this line of employment. But I know nobody other than state employees and the like who are fully retired, and feel blessed to have been able to do so.