S04.E02: Verne Troyer/Hines Ward

[OnceSane]

Verne Troyer's girlfriend leaves her quaint home and laid-back lifestyle in Los Angeles and heads to Atlanta to switch places with Hines Ward's wife, who's used to a huge house and structured environment.

[MMLEsq]

I never really liked Verne before this show and not much has changed.  I liked his girlfriend, but can't really understand her letting the son do whatever he wants.  I didn't think Hines' wife's changes were all that drastic, and Verne and the son definitely grumbled quite a bit about them, but in the end Verne basically went along with what she wanted.  Verne's farting to express how he felt.....ugh, there are no words.  I appreciate that his life hasn't been easy, but boy is he cranky -- all the time. 

 

Hines was much more resistant to the changes implemented by Verne's girlfriend, although I did think he had a point -- why "destroy" the house?  Leaving dishes in the sink would have made the point just as well....they didn't need to be leaving cracked eggs on the floor, writing on windows/mirrors(?), etc.  I wish I was motivated to keep my house as clean as his house, but I gotta agree -- he can definitely afford a maid.  I don't see why they have to do ALL the cleaning themselves. 

[raiderred1]

Verne Troyer seems really miserable. That's all I've got.

[biakbiak]

I get that a lot of things are set up by production but Tyson seemed to react to the fact that Lindsey gave a damn about him not coming home and he positively lit up cooking for them.

A dish in the sink, an unfluffed pillow, an unmade bed those are where you should go not eggs on the floor and messing up the windows.

I do think Lindsey was the best of all four of them, she even sort of got in the end the super valid reasons that Verne doesn't like to go out in public.

[loki310]

Hines makes me feel lazy as fuck. How the hell do they keep that 12,000 sq ft monstrosity so clean without help? I bet there are rooms that they don't set foot in for days. I mean, just dusting everything would take an hour or two. Does he do his own landscaping too?

[fishcakes]

Hines is wound a little tight, but I still adore him and his big moon face. And I love that his main concern about his son is that he do his homework and doesn't care so much that the kid is not into sports. Even so, the no-maid thing is weird. His house is 12,000 square feet! Mine is 1600 and and, even without kids, keeping it livable is a chore. Also, he needs to drop the whole outfit approval thing. He's her husband, not her dad.

 

Verne didn't do himself any favors by appearing on the show. The huge porn stash, the discussion about how he learned to maneuver in a home built for average sized people when he was a kid and had to figure out how to access his father's porn stash, and worst, the lingerie. That's not a gift for his girlfriend; that's a gift for him.

[applecrisp]

I did not think that Hines came off very well.  I understand a clean house but that place looked so sterile.  He is very controlling, maybe that is why he has a young wife.  

 

Did Verne say he grew up Amish?  There were pictures (not an Amish thing) and his dad had girly mags. weird.

[tivofanatic]

The huge porn stash, the discussion about how he learned to maneuver in a home built for average sized people when he was a kid and had to figure out how to access his father's porn stash, and worst, the lingerie. That's not a gift for his girlfriend; that's a gift for him.

As far as I could tell, it was girly mags.  The show would have blurred out even Maxim rather than give them free advertising.  Lingerie is worse than porn?  Don't even the most conservative women say to their men, "Look at me instead of the porn."? At least the lingerie looked like functional Victoria's Secret type stuff.

 

I loved Vern driving his car.  Imagine seeing him in your rearview mirror.

 

I don't know anything about Hines Ward, but at least he figured out how to keep his money once his NFL career ended.  I'd like to know what his first wife has to say about his controlling ways.  The son is turning out well.     

[Maharincess]

Hines makes me feel lazy as fuck. How the hell do they keep that 12,000 sq ft monstrosity so clean without help? I bet there are rooms that they don't set foot in for days. I mean, just dusting everything would take an hour or two. Does he do his own landscaping too?

I don't think dusting would take long at all because they didn't have anything in the house. It didn't look like anybody lived there but like a model home you tour in a new development.

I couldn't live that way. Even if I could afford it, I'd never want a house that big. It just doesn't make sense to have a house that big except to say "Look at me...I have lots of money".

I didn't like Hines at all. I thought he was a jerk. The outfit approval stuff was bullshit.

Edited May 29, 2015 by Maharincess

[applecrisp]

I don't think dusting would take long at all because they didn't have anything in the house. It didn't look like anybody lived there but like a model home you tour in a new development.

I couldn't live that way. Even if I could afford it, I'd never want a house that big. It just doesn't make sense to have a house that big except to say "Look at me...I have lots of money".

I didn't like Hines at all. I thought he was a jerk. The outfit approval stuff was bullshit.

 

 

I know why the huge,bland house.  It was not inviting or even well decorated.  I think Hine's wife would love a maid.   I am not sure this is what she expected when she married him.  She did seem young and they had only been married a year. 

 

Verne's girlfriend had been around less than a year.

[butterbody]

Heinz was a douche. He was all too happy to admit he lives his life to keep up appearances.

[biakbiak]

Heinz was a douche. He was all too happy to admit he lives his life to keep up appearances.

I think he is probably overcompensating for his childhood but yeah a good therapist would probably let him live in a smaller house, get a maid, and not need to approve of his wife's clothing. The one decent thing not pushing his son into sports he took to the same extreme as not having a maid and living in a sterile home.

[backformore]

He's a control freak.  I've met a lot of MOMs who are like that -  no toys allowed except in one room, everything must be cleaned and put away immediately, clutter not allowed anywhere, kids are not allowed to personalize their rooms.   The same moms obsess over the kids' outfits, everything has to match, siblings must be color-coordinated.  I knew  a mom of twins, who , when the kids were toddlers, always HAD to dress identically.  so much so that if one kid spilled a little, both kids needed changed outfits. 

Anyway, Hines seemed a lot like that, he hates chaos, and anything less than perfection looks like it could turn into chaos.  He might not be a terrible person, but a guy with OCD.   It's kind of the opposite end of the spectrum from hoarding. 

BUT - it would have been smarter to just have "no cleaning"  for two or three days, rather than purposeful mess-making.   He might realize that the house doesn't get THAT dirty, and a day or two worth of mess can be easily cleaned up.

[gigi1701]

I agree about Hines having issues, my mom made us clean up and not have clutter, do the dishes every night, but Hine's house makes hers look like a pig sty! Actually hers was a very clean house, but a house, his is a museum  (or mausoleum perhaps) As others have said it is too sterile. And what also really bugged me was him smiling when saying he was angry. What a total disconnect of emotion to expression. I have know people that would do that and they wanted to hide their anger and always present as being "above petty anger" but they were seething inside and it would come out in passive aggressive ways. I don't know Hines enough to say that is the case with him, maybe he always wants to look cool on camera, but it was something that made me uncomfortable watching it.

 

That said, Verne's girlfriend did not approach the situation very well either, throwing eggs on the floor, writing on the windows, etc seemed so juvenile. I get that she wanted Hines to lighten up and a kid needs to be a kid, but that was extreme. A pillow fight would be and easier thing for Hines to handle or maybe just leaving a few dishes on the counter. He would be perhaps uncomfortable, but he wouldn't have felt so disrespected perhaps.

 

My favorite part was showing Verne trying to fly the kite, both guys need more of that activity!

 

[Former Nun]

She did seem young and they had only been married a year.

Verne's girlfriend had been around less than a year.

 

 

I doubt if either will be around in five years.