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ElectricBoogaloo

Younger Quotes: Dr. Dre's Not a Doctor

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Pauline: So lie?
Diana: Postpone the truth - at least until you make the New York Times bestseller list.

Liza: I think once you've created a story, other people want to believe it as much as you do.
Diana: So true. Honesty can be very self-indulgent.

Pauline: I don't know. I'm a terrible liar.
Diana: Just talk about your relationship when it was good. It's really just a lie of verb tenses.

Lauren: Josh, your girl was loose in the house and asked to borrow some eyeliner. Let me tell you something about the eyes. They are the window to the soul. They are also the doorway to disease and infection.

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Maggie: So no sex for ninety days at all?
Josh: I feel like I need to do a full reset. No sex, no alcohol, maybe no gluten.
Maggie: I don't know. I just feel like there's steps that you skipped over that are less Amish than this.

Kelsey: Ewww. Water?

Don: Don't think of it as dating. It's plus one-ing.

Maggie: I just want to remind you the last time you picked up a stray, you married her.

Diana: Do you always use people's words against them like a drunk toddler?

Don: This is what I write now.
Liza: "You won't believe which of these sexy stars is trans." Is he?
Don: Nope. But you have to click through 19 photos and 6 ads to find that out.

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Liza: What is it? Is it porn?
Maggie: It's called breadfacing, and yes, people are definitely jerking off to it.

Tam: Here's your dry-cleaning. I mean, it's not really dry-cleaned. I just ironed it really hard and put it in this bag, but whatever.

Kelsey: Who is that? 
Lauren: Oh, that's my new intern.
Kelsey: You have an intern?
Lauren: It's basically slave labor, TBQH, but, you know, they're getting a credit for school, so my conscience is clear.

Josh: Makeup?
Lauren: Yeah, it's makeup you can eat, but I wouldn't.

Jake: Okay, no more excuses. After this Arianna Huffington event tonight, I will hit the ground running.
Kelsey: Ooh, what Arianna Huffington event?
Jake: It's on #negativethinking.
Kelsey: Oh, yet another Twitter movement that I'm behind on.
Jake: No, it's just an excuse to drink and to talk about how liberals are still arguing about Bernie versus Hillary. It's cathartic - I think.

Don: Falafels are on me. My article on "Where Are They Now: The Members of O-Town" just got 100,000 views, so...
Liza: Oh, well, congratulations?
Don: Thank you. Yeah, I'm I'm doing a series of "Where Are They Nows?" The next one's on my dignity.
Liza: Well, you do what you've got to do to pay the bills.
Don: Yep. I still have to put together a listicle of GIFs called "Nun fails."

Don: Oh, my God. I was not prepared for that.
Liza: What is it?
Don: My son sent me a picture-
Liza: Oh, can I see?
Don: Of his penis.
Liza: Did you ask for that?
Don: He's 16, and he thinks he might have herpes.
Liza: And how does it look?
Don: Um, like a teenager who masturbated too much.
Liza: Sounds like you're close.
Don: As a divorced dad, I try to be there for him without judgment. I just don't understand this generation's need to share everything.
Liza: Well, at least he's not posting a picture of his penis online and mushing it into a loaf of pumpernickel.

Maggie: You can't assume that everyone's lying just because you are.

Tam: Lip stain?
Liza: Do I eat it or wear it?
Tam: I'm not here to tell you what to do.

Lauren: The LGBTQIAPK community has been through enough.
Maggie: You lost me after T.
Lauren: Lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, questioning, intersex, asexual, pan, poly, kink.
Maggie: I was less confused in the closet.

Liza: Ooh, how's the mascara?
Kelsey: It tastes like burnt ass.

Tam: Lauren, everything can't be in all caps.
Lauren: What do you mean?
Tam: Let me put this another way. It's not cool. Nobody posts anymore. It's all word of mouth.
Lauren: No, no, okay, I was just being ironic. This is for my finsta. That's fake Instagram.
Tam: Millennials are so sad.
Lauren: Okay, that just happened. I'm old.
Maggie: Don't make me choke you out.

Kelsey: You told Don your real age?
Liza: No, he saw both my IDs when I slipped on ice and dropped my bag.
Kelsey: Well, why didn't you make up a story, like, tell him you were trying to get discounts or something? 
Liza: On what? 
Kelsey: I don't know. What do old people buy?

Kiara: I received a very unsettling phone call from a fact-checker this morning. She was insinuating something very odd about your age. Reese is in pieces. Liza, how old are you?
Liza: I'm age-queer. 
Kiara: What?
Liza: I'm age-queer. That fact-checker was trying to age-shame us for being young, so I told them I'm old in protest. And it's, like, who cares? I don't identify as any age.
Kelsey: Neither do I.
Liza: They were so focused on how successful we were for our age, and it shouldn't matter how old we are.
Kelsey: Exactly. Screw them.
Kiara: Who's them?
Kelsey: The patriarchy.
Liza: So I told them I'm 41. And let them think that for all I care. We're post-age.
Kiara: But how old? I'm confused.
Kelsey: It's confusing, but it's not wrong. Every time you get a bunch of strong, powerful women together, it's their looks, their age. They're too young. They're too sexy.
Liza: What are they gonna do, throw us in The Handmaid's Tale?
Kelsey: Under his eye, girl.
Assistant: Kiara, it's that fact-checker again.
Kiara: I'll handle them. 
Kelsey: Age-queer? That was insane. 
Liza: Yeah, and probably offensive.

Don: You said it yourself. You do what you have to do.
Liza: Not at the expense of destroying someone else.

Don: You know, it seems like the only people who get discriminated against anymore are middle-aged straight white men. #me, okay? #me.
Liza: You know, I think I might know why you can't find work.
Don: And why is that?
Liza: Because you're an asshole, Don.

Liza: You're an adult. Your life is your life. But why are you smashing your face into bread?

Caitlin: Mom, it's not who I am. It's just a thing I do for some extra money.
Liza: Okay, let me tell you something. You become what you do. If you cheat, you become a cheater. If you lie, you you become a liar.

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Diana: I'm bringing a blue collar companion to a black tie event.

Charles: We need to see pages, Chrissie. What stage are you at?
Chrissie: It's written. See? Whole thing. I swear to God, I just, like, punctured the skin and it came oozing out of me.
Diana: Well, can you sop it up and email it?
Chrissie: What, on the internet? What, are you high? I'm not sending this on the internet. I don't trust the internet. Those naked pictures of me, those were leaked. Nothing is safe. Julian Assange told me that. I mean, he was out of his mind at the time, but he made some pretty solid arguments.

Zane: What we're saying is goose this shit up. Right now, it's meek and kind of bland.
Jake: I don't really like your tone, Zane.
Zane: I don't like your chapter.

Diana: Enzo has invited me to stay over. I haven't stayed over at a man's place since - when did Baby Jessica fall down that well?
Liza: Yikes! What did you pack?
Diana: Just the essentials - toothbrush, change of clothes, room spray, sheets.
Liza: Well, are you staying over or redecorating?
Diana: Liza, I don't know what to expect. I need to prepare for polyester.

Chrissie: And a certain British director gave me this. That's not all he gave me. Gonorrhea. Saves you from asking.
Charles: I, uh I wasn't going to.

Chrissie: Have you ever seen a ten thousand dollar dildo?

Maggie: That is a stunning necklace. You know, Liza never told me how chic you are.
Liza: Oh, I'm sure I did.
Diana: Well, Liza's generation has no concept of style. It's all rompers and fanny packs.

Chrissie: This is a demo from Penis Fly Trap.

Liza: We were just wondering when we're going to get to see the book. You said lunchtime, which was wine, and then you said teatime, which was absinthe and your take on Stranger Things.

Liza: I saw on an episode of "Murder She Wrote" that if you eat a stick of butter before you start drinking, then you don't get drunk.
Charles: How old are you?

Kelsey: I backslid last night with Zane, who then offered me coffee and was, like, nice?
Lauren: Coffee? The bar for heteros is so low.

Kelsey: Back to my problems. 
Lauren: What problem? No. The nice guy turned out to be sexy. The sexy guy turned out to be nice. That's a win-win.

Chrissie: You want me to sign your boobs?
Liza: Please.

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Kelsey: I need you there to run interference. Jake and Zane. I'm kind of like seeing both of them.
Liza: What? Why didn't you tell me?
Kelsey: You have been gaslighting an entire company since I met you. Can I have one secret?

Zane: Mistletoe.
Kelsey: That's poinsettia.
Zane: Eh, close enough.

Maggie: How was family night?
Liza: Ugh, David kept putting his arm around me, and Caitlin goaded me into yodeling in a roomful of strangers.
Maggie: Oh, just like Norman Rockwell painted it.

Diana: Neckwear should inspire envy, Liza, not seizures.

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Kelsey: You know what they say. Men who grow beards are hiding something.
Diana: Yes, generally crumbs.

Sophia: For too long, couples were told that open communication is the key to an enduring relationship. Now they'll know the truth. Love is actually fueled by mystery. Mystery is where the erotic thrives. A healthy relationship should feel a little illicit. Then the question is, whatâ's the line between dangerous and destructive?
Diana: What? What is it?
Sophia: Chapter 12.
Liza: But, um, doesn't real intimacy ultimately require real honesty and openness?
Sophia: No, think of intimacy as a place instead of a condition. A place that you go to only with your partner. And it's secluded, it's private. It's like your bubble. And when you're together in that bubble, then what is more exciting than sharing your secrets?

Maggie: I think you should down that red wine and take half a Xanax.

Kelsey: The next time I decide to sleep with somebody from work, please slap me.
Liza: Will do.

Kelsey: I thought you weren't drinking coffee.
Diana: I'm just smelling it.

Diana: Get me three almonds and some hot water with lemon.

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On 8/2/2018 at 8:09 AM, ElectricBoogaloo said:

Kelsey: You know what they say. Men who grow beards are hiding something.
Diana: Yes, generally crumbs.

Sophia: For too long, couples were told that open communication is the key to an enduring relationship. Now they'll know the truth. Love is actually fueled by mystery. Mystery is where the erotic thrives. A healthy relationship should feel a little illicit. Then the question is, whatâ's the line between dangerous and destructive?
Diana: What? What is it?
Sophia: Chapter 12.
Liza: But, um, doesn't real intimacy ultimately require real honesty and openness?
Sophia: No, think of intimacy as a place instead of a condition. A place that you go to only with your partner. And it's secluded, it's private. It's like your bubble. And when you're together in that bubble, then what is more exciting than sharing your secrets?

Maggie: I think you should down that red wine and take half a Xanax.

Kelsey: The next time I decide to sleep with somebody from work, please slap me.
Liza: Will do.

Kelsey: I thought you weren't drinking coffee.
Diana: I'm just smelling it.

Diana: Get me three almonds and some hot water with lemon.

Taking a comment about this quote to the episode thread.

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Charles: Wow, [those reading glasses] are very sexy.
Liza: Wait til you see the ones I wear for night driving.

Kelsey: I know the writer and he's not only an addict but also an asshole.
Liza: I could edit the book. I have experience with addicts and assholes.

Liza: Who's getting a Glamour award?
Kelsey: Me.
Diana. Congratulations. You certainly have the hair for it.

Diana: While it is lovely to be called "diva," that's the only value add you bring to the table. I like you but I don't need you.
Lauren: Ouch, diva.

Charless: Redmond, what are you doing here?
Redmond: I live on the Upper East Side. Please don't tell anyone.

Redmond: You think Dorothy Parker was nice or Truman Capote was easy to work with?

Redmond: Empirical is like the Blackberry of publishing. No offense. People don't want the old clickity click. They want facial recognition and cute emojis.

Lauren: You see that guy?
Josh: The one with his schlong out?

Diana: [Quinn] will be here at 10am so that gives you five minutes to find me coffee and twenty five minutes to get a hold of yourself.

Quinn: This whole idea of sisterhood is actually holding women back. Men get ahead because they're looking out for themselves. Women are behind because they're looking out for everyone else.

Diana: I don't know if that was feminist or anti-feminist.

Kelsey: This is big. I'm a little nervous.
Lauren: That's because you refuse to take Adderall. I am laser focused and mildly euphoric. You want me to tickle your arm?

Enzo: Haven't you ever done anything stupid?
Diana: I married a gay man.

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Enzo: Take the ferry. It's free.
Diana: There's a reason for that.

Enzo: I'm sorry, Diana. Ma shouldn't have said those things. She's a lot
Diana: No, your brother's cologne was a lot. Your mother was too much.

Edited by ElectricBoogaloo
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Liza: Wow, so I'm going to Frankfurt. That's kind of exciting, right?
Diana: Don't get too excited. They found the most charmless city in Europe to host it. It's like Buffalo with dumplings. Lovely language, German - like a thousand cats coughing.

Kelsey: You're really guarding that thing with your life, huh?
Liza: Oh, yeah. I got a money belt too for my traveler's checks.
Kelsey: They still make those?
Liza: They make me feel jetsetty.
Kelsey: You got your hatbox and your steamer trunk too?

Diana: Can we try to be more cosmopolitan? We're in Frankfurt, not Trenton.

Kelsey: What's camel toe for a man?
Liza: Elchknöchel. Moose knuckle!

Lauren: Have a C-section. You don't want to stretch out your good sweater.

Lauren: You guys, we should do it lesbian old school. I'm talking sporty mullets, turkey basters, Dinah Shore weekend.

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Charles: You can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. That's Hamlet.

Zane: I was in love with you.
Kelsey: Are you screwing with me right now? Because you don't say that to someone in the past tense for the first time unless you're trying to make them feel like an asshole.

Josh: Okay, what is this?
Lauren: It's a cacao ceremony. It's a little bit like ayahuasca but without all the puking and PTSD.
Josh: I thought maybe we would just talk about this over some tacos or something?

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