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Tara Ariano

S04.E09: Jamey & Ari

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Poor Jamey. In these situations even a perfectly nice guy kind of looks like a dick because he isn't gay. It really seems unfair and I feel bad for Ari too.

 

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Maybe I missed something, but why would Ari want to meet Jeremy on TV and reveal her secret to him on camera? Then, once it's all set up, she balks.

What was the talk about the "in-laws" if she's not married? Hoping he'd see that somehow and think that was her secret, and maybe dump her?

A very confusing, yet interesting episode. But I hate those awkward public park meetings with all the cameras. And even when they have a private conversation, it's not private. I think it should have been off-camera, that's a lot to take in and discuss.

That was sad. I hope they both find someone.

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This is a rare episode where I felt bad for both parties.  Jamey did seem like a genuinely nice guy, not just a loser thinking to get with a hot babe way out of his league.  I was worried that he might freak out and throw a punch,but he behaved like a gentleman.

Edited by Gianthambeast
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Wow, I did NOT see that coming!  Good for you, Catfish! 

 

But poor Jamey seemed like a legitimately clueless type of nice guy.  Not too sophisticated and obviously beguiled by the pretty girl.  Too bad she turned out to be a lying, manipulator.  I really don't feel much sympathy for Ari though.  I know she's got a rough road ahead of her, but you can't lie about that stuff.

 

Transitioning to a full female is a gigantic thing  And like the guys said, she went on a regular dating website, so she knew exactly what she was doing.  She wasn't looking for a friend, she was looking to see how many good looking guys she could attract. 

 

I'm kinda of surprised Jamey wanted to meet her when basically she humiliated him on TV.  But he is a really nice, accepting guy.  And then SHE blew HIM off?  Bitch.  I don't think she was traumatized, I think she was playing the diva.  

 

After the last episode, I must say this one redeemed the show pretty damn well! 

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I agree in that I felt really bad for both parties. Jamey was just trying to wrap his head around everything. He was trying to get Ari to open up and talk to him. I'm not sure I believe he was necessarily going to stay romantic with her, but he at least seemed open to it.

I really felt badly for Ari. I think she felt she needed the support of the show to tell Jamey, but became really overwhelmed. That's why she ran away. When she was sitting at the table, trying to not cry my heart just ached for her. I have no idea what shes been through, but I know it couldn't have been easy in any way. I hope she finds the person who accepts her for who she is and she learns to love herself too.

I agree that she did join the site to get attention from men. I don't believe for a second she was looking for a friend, but I do believe her when she said it got to a certain point where it felt too late to say something. My guess is that she has really low self-esteem, went to look for some validation from this website and met Jamey. I don't think she was as bad as some of the other heartless. Horrible people we've seen on this show, though.

I was also really confused about the "in-law" stuff, but I think maybe it was like calling close friends of the family "aunt" and "uncle". She was dating Chaz, became close to his family and started calling them her "in-laws" even though they weren't actually married. A little strange, but that was my take on it.

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This felt similar to the situation in the episode earlier this season with Felipe and the guy posing as a woman online who seemed like he may have been in the closet. I got the sense in both cases that they were reluctant to meet up and reveal the truth to a guy who could potentially try to harm them when they found out the truth.  The way that Ari insisted on meeting on Catfish, to me, seemed like it was a way she knew would be safe, since Nev and Max and all those cameras would be there. She certainly didn't seem to want to be on TV.

 

I was quite irritated when Jamey asked if they could talk in private and then they kept filming them, just without Nev and Max right next to them.  This was obviously a really stressful situation for both of them, and they already didn't seem like the most socially functional people in the first place.  

 

Yeesh with those facial piercings though.

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Transwomen are women. Men don't need to be gay to date them.

Thank you for saying this so that I didn't have to.

 

This episode was such a sticky situation.  You can't fault Ari for wanting to come out on her own terms/at her own speed, but at the same time you can't have a problem with Jamey for not being romantically interested after the reveal.

 

I think the whole thing of "I don't want to meet you unless it is on TV" was a two-fold thing:

  1. It creates a pretty high hurdle to climb, thus keeping the liklihood of Ari meeting Jamey pretty low
  2. Ari may have been thinking that if she did meet Jamey and he flipped at her secret, then meeting somewhere in public and surrounded by cameras would prevent any violence befalling her.
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You know what im opened minded in all but im sorry as a heterosexual male i could never and will never be cool with dating a transgnder women and would be upset if one pulled a stunt like this.

 

On top of that she wasnt really the msot passable one and that voice was a dead give away, It didnt sound feminine at all it .

Wow, I did NOT see that coming!  Good for you, Catfish! 

 

But poor Jamey seemed like a legitimately clueless type of nice guy.  Not too sophisticated and obviously beguiled by the pretty girl.  Too bad she turned out to be a lying, manipulator.  I really don't feel much sympathy for Ari though.  I know she's got a rough road ahead of her, but you can't lie about that stuff.

 

Transitioning to a full female is a gigantic thing  And like the guys said, she went on a regular dating website, so she knew exactly what she was doing.  She wasn't looking for a friend, she was looking to see how many good looking guys she could attract. 

 

I'm kinda of surprised Jamey wanted to meet her when basically she humiliated him on TV.  But he is a really nice, accepting guy.  And then SHE blew HIM off?  Bitch.  I don't think she was traumatized, I think she was playing the diva.  

 

After the last episode, I must say this one redeemed the show pretty damn well! 

thats what pisses me off the most she is an asshole

 

who the fuck goes on a dating website looking for friends ughhhhhhhhhhhh i tell you  people these days some of these catfish make me want to come through the screen and kick their ass.Jamey looked like he was about to cry several times throughout the show felt bad for the guy he obviously has had some issues he is dealing with wasn't comfotble on camera only to be revealed he was talknig to a transgender women/, To me htat owuld bem ortifying becuase jsut not something im interested in at all


This is a rare episode where I felt bad for both parties.  Jamey did seem like a genuinely nice guy, not just a loser thinking to get with a hot babe way out of his league.  I was worried that he might freak out and throw a punch,but he behaved like a gentleman.

i see what your saying but i dont think leagues exist in real life i know several guys that are hideous but somehow managed to date beautiful gorgeous women who other men want.

 

and i notice several of the women on here tend to get upset when the guy rejects the fat girl but nobody is obligated to find anyone else attractive and i dont think you can fualt men wanting an attractive woman . Like lets be real here in the real world msot people go for folks who gasp they find attractive yet on this show  were suppose to pretend a personality gets people sexually excited when it doesnt.

 

I   honestly thought jamey was going to hit her  when  he said he wanted to have a private talk he seems like the type to keep it all held in then explode when he reaches his limit and that right there jsut broke the limit. I remember  on jerry springer or ricki lake one of them shows one of the guests was murdered for a revealation similar to this .  The man played it cool on the show then went back and murdered them.

Edited by TonyMicheaux
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I remember on jerry springer or ricki lake one of them shows one of the guests was murdered for a revealation similar to this . The man played it cool on the show then went back and murdered them.

I think that was an episode of Law & Order.

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I think that was an episode of Law & Order.

are you sure i think on ricki lake it was a guy who had a someone who had a crush on him and they brought him on the show for his secert crush , crush turned out to male best friend and he ended up murdering the dude and i know at least one of thse jerry springer let's bring my guy on the show and tell him I am a man has to have ended violently off camera. 

 

This whole episode reminded me of of the jerry springer show  with the guy meeting girl online , girl having suspect sounding voice and turning out to be transgender.  I really thought he was going to kick her ass when he asked to speak to her  the way he was shaking and stuff . Nev and Max need to be careful with episodes like this not all guys would have responded so cool.

 

In a way i can't feel to bad for jamy because half way through the show when they talked to her on the phone i thought she sounded like a man and my brother even said i bet her secert is she was born a man and thats exactly what it turned out to be .

Btw how did he break up with her when she didnt even want to talk lol

 

it seem like he may have given her a chance for a second but she wouldn't even talk to him so i don;t really get her tears. She didn't give him the chance to reject her she rejected him wtf

Edited by TonyMicheaux

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Transwomen are women. Men don't need to be gay to date them.

I get that. And that's great to say but that doesn't mean that other people will accept this. For your average guy, this means being attracted to a guy no matter how she feels on the inside or what surgery is done. That's just life. And I understand both sides of the equation in this regard. Finding someone who is fully okay and accepting of someone who is transgendered can be hard. I feel for all parties here.

 

And I think she said lets do the whole catfish thing assuming they would never make it on the show. When they did, her bluff was called.

You know what im opened minded in all but im sorry as a heterosexual male i could never and will never be cool with dating a transgnder women and would be upset if one pulled a stunt like this.

 

On top of that she wasnt really the msot passable one and that voice was a dead give away, It didnt sound feminine at all it .

thats what pisses me off the most she is an asshole

 

who the fuck goes on a dating website looking for friends ughhhhhhhhhhhh i tell you  people these days some of these catfish make me wnat to come through the scrren and kick their ass.Jamey looked like he was about to cry several times throughout the show felt bad for the guy he obviously has had some issues he is dealing with wasn't comfotble on camera only to be revealed he was talknig to a transgender women/, To me htat owuld bem ortifying becuase jsut not something im interested in at all

i see what your saying but i dont think leagues exist in real life i know several guys that are hideous but somehow managed to date beautiful gorgeous women who other men want.

 

and i notice several of the women on here tend to get upset when the guy rejects the fat girl but nobody is obligated to find anyone else attractive and i dont think you can fualt men wanting an attractive woman . Like lets be real here in the real world msot people go for folks who gasp they find attractive yet on this show  were suppose to pretend a personality gets people sexually excited when it doesnt.

 

I   honestly thought jamey was going to hit her  when  he said he wanted to have a private talk he seems like the type to keep it all held in then explode when he reaches his limit and that right there jsut broke the limit. I remember  on jerry springer or ricki lake one of them shows one of the guests was murdered for a revealation similar to this .  The man played it cool on the show then went back and murdered them.

Oh yeah, I do wish the term "out of their league" would die. People date who they want to date. There are enough couples out there with two people that might not match up with what the masses call attractive between the both of them to make leagues a pointless concept.

 

Jenny Jones is the show where someone was killed after he revealed his crush publicly. I remember that one with out having to look it up.

Edited by Racj82
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I get that. And that's great to say but that doesn't mean that other people will accept this. For your average guy, this means being attracted to a guy no matter how she feels on the inside or what surgery is done. That's just life. And I understand both sides of the equation in this regard. Finding someone who is fully okay and accepting of someone who is transgendered can be hard. I feel for all parties here.

 

And I think she said lets do the whole catfish thing assuming they would never make it on the show. When they did, her bluff was called.

Oh yeah, I do wish the term "out of their league" would die. People date who they want to date. There are enough couples out there with two people that might not match up with what the masses call attractive between the both of them to make leagues a pointless concept.

 

Jenny Jones is the show where someone was killed after he revealed his crush publicly. I remember that one with out having to look it up.

Oh yes it was jenny jones now i remember .

 

The thing is like i said she  didnt even give him a chance she walked away  he didnt reject her , she didnt even talk to him , explain why she didn't tell him. Unlike  than most guys  he seemed like he may have tried to give it a go even with the lies , even with her treating him like shit and cussing him out

 

the guy to me seerms to have low self esteem i wouldn't let no one talk to me the way she came at him in those text messages and still call ymself liking them and wanting to be in relationship. Then half of the episode dude looked like he was about if he was about to cry. So  this Ari girl had it good lol

 

the guys i know in real life  , man Nev would have had to call security because they would been trying to fuck her up. Most straight men are not going to be cool with that so the fact that he was i don't understand why she ran away so fast i don't she just pissed me off.

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Jamey handled it well and I'm glad they remain friends. I think their love was sincere albeit a little naive. Ari knew it would be challenging for Jamey to accept her as a trans woman, and Jamey knew her secret was big enough to prevent her from fully committing to him. It's tough to be rejected but they both went in knowing that was probably what would happen. At least it wasn't a prank, or someone trying to launch their reality show career. 

 

Nev, stop asking people who they've had sex with. He did it on the Felipe/Jasmin, Whitney/Bre, and now this episode. I know Ari said that on her OKCupid account and mentioned it to Jamey, but really? He's so damn nosy. 

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The case y'all are referring to is the Jenny Jones show.  Such a sad situation.

 

Full disclosure--I knew immediately after seeing/hearing Ari that she was transgender.  I understood what was happening as soon as Nev and Max sat down.  That being said, I thought Jamey handled himself with grace and maturity.  I was so sure that he would fall apart, but he took his time, thought about how he was going to approach the situation, and treated her with sensitivity.  I know a lot of guys would have either:  1.  Humiliated her; 2.  Refused to even dignify the situation with a meeting; 3. Gotten physically violent.  Jamey was a gentleman.  I know that we shouldn't congratulate people for acting like civilized human beings, but that's the world we live in.  I'm sure that small towns in Texas aren't all that progressive.  I can see why Ari was freaking out.  I hope that this doesn't  impact their real lives too much.  I can see people giving both people a terrible time.

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I guessed the situation when they were talking about how she would only Skype in extreme facial closeup. Also, she definitely presented as way thinner online but hey that's hardly the main issue in this episode. 

I'm horrified about the real possibility that there will be a Jenny Jones type incident stemming from Catfish at some point. People can act all calm and cool and enlightened on camera but I worry. 

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I guessed the situation when they were talking about how she would only Skype in extreme facial closeup. Also, she definitely presented as way thinner online but hey that's hardly the main issue in this episode. 

I'm horrified about the real possibility that there will be a Jenny Jones type incident stemming from Catfish at some point. People can act all calm and cool and enlightened on camera but I worry. 

It's far less likely in this case because a lot of time, they don't actually know or live near each other. Sometimes, they know for sure. But, it makes it less likely. Hey it's dangerous to put yourself in this situation anyway.

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I guessed the situation when they were talking about how she would only Skype in extreme facial closeup. Also, she definitely presented as way thinner online but hey that's hardly the main issue in this episode. 

I'm horrified about the real possibility that there will be a Jenny Jones type incident stemming from Catfish at some point. People can act all calm and cool and enlightened on camera but I worry. 

seriously  thats how i know this show is fake

 

people get their asses kicked and killed for less in real life yet  some of these catfishers paly very dangerous pranks and nobody does shit to them.  I always give the side eye to this show especially after the episode with the white rapper guy and the girl who met on instagram  . Or the the white guy who pretended to be a girl and pranked the black man then got on camera with the black guy on youtube saying they had catfished  the tv catfish and it was all a prank.  The fat thing was a given  but she wasn't really big its just her face does not fit her body at all like honestly  the face in real life reminds me of a girl who is probably 50+ pounds heavier than she actually is  in real life.

 

This show is fake as hell  and way to staged its so convient  that the people always call nev literally right after he messages them lol and i hate the whole pretense of acting like the catfish victim was theo ne who sought out the show when mtv has blatant i repeat blatant ads on websites like craigslsit and various acting websites asking for the catfishers to come and appear on the show.

Edited by TonyMicheaux

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seriously  thats how i know this show is fake

 

people get their asses kicked and killed for less in real life yet  some of these catfishers paly very dangerous pranks and nobody does shit to them.  I always give the side eye to this show especially after the episode with the white rapper guy and the girl who met on instagram  . Or the the white guy who pretended to be a girl and pranked the black man then got on camera with the black guy on youtube saying they had catfished  the tv catfish and it was all a prank.  The fat thing was a given  but she wasn't really big its just her face does not fit her body at all like honestly  the face in real life reminds me of a girl who is probably 50+ pounds heavier than she actually is  in real life.

 

This show is fake as hell  and way to staged its so convient  that the people always call nev literally right after he messages them lol and i hate the whole pretense of acting like the catfish victim was theo ne who sought out the show when mtv has blatant i repeat blatant ads on websites like craigslsit and various acting websites asking for the catfishers to come and appear on the show.

Not everyone resorts to violence. Even in extreme situations like this. Especially when you are going to be on TV. Doesn't make the show fake. I've been in some fucked up situations in my adult life. People have done me dirty for sure.Yet, I've never been in a fight in my adult life. Because I'm a grown man that can handle my emotions and I don't feel like violence solves anything. I'll fight when I need to. Not just because I'm pissed off.

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Re: leagues. 

 

I think they do exist in the dating realm and they play a role in almost every episode of this show.  How many times have we seen a situation on this show where an obscure, low status guy, who's ordinary in looks falls in love with a photo of a beautiful bikini model, and ignores all the signs that she isn't real (won't meet, won't skype, no other photos, etc.) and lets her put him off for months and months until they finally meet and she's actually  fat or hideously ugly.  Why does he let himself get fooled like that? Because he desperately wants to believe that he can date a gorgeous woman. But it doesn't work like that. I think people end up with others of comparable attractiveness.  A physically unattractive guy can usually compensate with success, money, achievement, etc.  That's why you'll see the hideously ugly Donald Trump with a hot supermodel wife like Melania Trump.  But how often do you see the reverse?

 

I

Edited by Gianthambeast
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I knew the poster was referencing the Jenny Jones incident, too. It may sound like a Law & Order episode, but sadly, it did happen.

I thought Ari might be a transgender female too, but as the episode went on, I thought I was mistaken.

Also, while I agree that transgendered females are females, not all of society has currently accepted that, and they just may not believe it to be true.

Thankfully, times are changing and people are getting a clue, but looking at it from a straight male's perspective, if the female has a penis and they are intimate with the female, they might think that makes them gay.

It's too bad Ari was too embarrassed? Upset? to talk to Jamey.

This episode was way better than last week's.

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Re: leagues. 

 

I think they do exist in the dating realm and they play a role in almost every episode of this show.  How many times have we seen a situation on this show where an obscure, low status guy, who's ordinary in looks falls in love with a photo of a beautiful bikini model, and ignores all the signs that she isn't real (won't meet, won't skype, no other photos, etc.) and lets her put him off for months and months until they finally meet and she's actually  fat or hideously ugly.  Why does he let himself get fooled like that? Because he desperately wants to believe that he can date a gorgeous woman. But it doesn't work like that. I think people end up with others of comparable attractiveness.  A physically unattractive guy can usually compensate with success, money, achievement, etc.  That's why you'll see the hideously ugly Donald Trump with a hot supermodel wife like Melania Trump.  But how often do you see the reverse?

 

I

the people on catfish usually have way more than looks going agianst them alot of these people are socially awkward and weird as hell. Example  : the guy who go tricked by his friend thinking he was dating that model chick , the guy craig who had the girl sending naked pictures of his female frends online, the white guy who had social anxiety nad psoted on the online  chat gorup and got catfished by another guy trying to keep him away from his girlfriend. All of these guys were awkward as hell  even the football player a couple weeks back was kind of awkward the black male football players I know are hella promscious and alot or them end up having multiple babymommas by the time they graduate. So the fact he didnt have a gf based on that  fact and he was holding out for some random chick .Meanwhile football palyers generally have some of the hottest girlfreinds especially if they paly for a good school these guys be dating mdoels , video vixens , strippers etc  why would he waste his time on some chick he met online unless he had issues.

 

This show just proves the internet  and social media has stunted the growth of young people . Alot of them do not know how to communicate and establish relationships with people outside of their fake fictional online communities. Catfish is like two people on previosuly tv who for instance like game of thrones start ling each other because they both have a mutual interest in the show. Which is ironically how the catfisher gets the victim to trust them alot of times which makes the whole show even more skeevy to me. Alot of these catfishers seem to go above and beyond the call of duty to con people.

Edited by TonyMicheaux

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As soon as she Nev & Max met Ari I knew she was transgender, that's a real big secret to keep. I thought Jamey handled it really well, I understand Ari wasn't shouting it out to everyone, but that was not a secret she should have kept from Jamey, & I agree with everyone who is calling BS on joining a dating site to make "friends"

 

I already deleted the recording so I can't check, but I got the impression that Ari wasn't fully transitioned yet. 

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A lot of posters are saying Jamey didn't break up with her, didn't reject her, but I thought he did? When they met, he said he had hoped that meeting her "would make it possible for them to continue together, but no." Maybe I misinterpreted, but I took that to mean he was ending the romantic involvement.

 

Ari was explicit that her fear was that Jamey would get violent when he found out, and the comments on this board validate that it's not an unrealistic fear. One thing I'll say for Max and Nev is that they don't act like violence is a normal, healthy reaction to anything, and the show does consistently treat LGBT people with total equanimity and parity with hets. Their PSA, and the accompanying website, might actually do some real world good.

 

After this week's and last week's episodes, I'm wondering if the show is trying to morph to a new format, not so much of figuring out what the story is, but of dealing with parings that want mediators or other forms of help to deal with the situations they've gotten into. Maybe they realize the repetitiveness that has become the show, and are trying to find a way to keep it from being totally stale and totally canceled. I'm not sure it's working, but I do wonder if the shift is a deliberate attempt to find a way to keep it going. Everyone is being more honest about who contacted the show, and that the motive is not always "I can't figure this out without MTV's help!"  Nev and Max need to find a new role now that everyone knows how to do a freaking search and that the show is not really necessary for any of what it used to pretend it was necessary for.

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I guessed the situation when they were talking about how she would only Skype in extreme facial closeup. Also, she definitely presented as way thinner online but hey that's hardly the main issue in this episode. 

I'm horrified about the real possibility that there will be a Jenny Jones type incident stemming from Catfish at some point. People can act all calm and cool and enlightened on camera but I worry. 

I thought she was just overweight and doing the 'Myspace angle' thing, but I started to get a feeling after a while that she might be trans.

 

that Jenny Jones case I think is a big reason why 'reality' shows don't do the genuine ambush thing so much anymore. They more likely clear things with the parties first before filming.

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I knew Ari was transgender as soon as I saw her "in person." I didn't suspect it from her photos but I knew as soon as they showed her in the park.

 

I felt bad for both parties too. I can see the "it got to be too late to say anything" thing, and I can also see why Jamie wouldn't want to continue dating her. Neither seemed malicious - I liked that Jamie acknowledge that Ari's intent wasn't to hurt him.

 

I'm going to need Nev to stop asking people if they've had sex. It's none of his business. Nosy as hell, that one.

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but I got the impression that Ari wasn't fully transitioned yet.

I got the same impression.  The show didn't address that, but for Jamey, I can see how pursuing an intimate relationship with an individual that still has all or part of "the package" could be very difficult.  

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As soon as she Nev & Max met Ari I knew she was transgender, that's a real big secret to keep. I thought Jamey handled it really well, I understand Ari wasn't shouting it out to everyone, but that was not a secret she should have kept from Jamey, & I agree with everyone who is calling BS on joining a dating site to make "friends"

 

I already deleted the recording so I can't check, but I got the impression that Ari wasn't fully transitioned yet. 

She said out loud to Nev and Max that she was talking hormones for the change and she was getting ready for the last step (surgery). They covered this in the episode. She's pre-operation.

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Yes, I have to agree with what several other posters said. Most heterosexual men are not going to see a transgender woman as a real woman. Right or wrong, it's reality. That's their thought process.

Edited by Cara
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Regardless of whether a transgender female is a "real" female, a lot of people are not going to be comfortable with that type of relationship, especially if the woman is pre-operation. That's truly not something to hide.

I thought Jamey handled the situation very well. He treated her with dignity, he didn't lose his cool, wasn't outwardly judgmental. But it was clearly a shock and something he wasn't comfortable with in a romantic context, which is okay. It's a big piece of information to swallow. He seemed like a nice person.

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I was quite irritated when Jamey asked if they could talk in private and then they kept filming them, just without Nev and Max right next to them.

At one point later on, you could see a camera sitting on a base, so they probably let them talk without the crew there either, but they've given other couples real privacy, so I don't know why they didn't this time. Maybe you have to threaten not to sign a release. Neither looked like they would be able to stand up to producer coercion.

 

 

Most heterosexual men are not going to see a transgender woman as a real woman. Right or wrong, it's reality.

Jamey asked a really important question when he wanted to know if Ari had been both or one. Doctors can turn someone from both to one, but not from one to the other. If your definition of "real woman" is "close enough to have sex with", then you're fine, but Ari is celibate, so that's gonna be a deal-breaker for most men anyway.

 

I really didn't like the "very special episode" tone.

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Jamey asked a really important question when he wanted to know if Ari had been both or one. Doctors can turn someone from both to one, but not from one to the other.

 

Well, that's a perspective a person can have, which I didn't know until today.

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I feel like Jamey handled the truth well even as so to try to talk to Ari about it.... But, Ari wouldn't give him that.... I think she owes him that even if she dunno what to say to herself, but could @ least make an effort.... 

 

The next day (or whatever -- long enough for Jamey to have changed from his hoodie into a nicer buttondown, aw) <--- LOL

 

This almost seems like the a very polite Afterschool special version of Jerry Springer episode that crossed over to Catfish....

Edited by OrientalAmish

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I think Ari is in a damned if you do/damned if you don't situation. She said she hoped that if he got to know her as a person, he would like her, and in fact that's what happened. But I bet if she had started on Day 1 with "I'm trans" he would never have gotten to know her in the first place. And also, when you've just met someone, you don't really know how well you are going to like them,  either, and telling them stuff that they may be prejudiced against, or which makes you vulnerable if they fly off the handle and decide to use it against you (for instance, he could broadcast it to others, when it's none of their business and could in very concrete ways ruin her life-- including  violent responses or job discrimination). There are lots of things we tell people after we trust them and that we don't disclose right in the beginning, and it can be hard to know when the right time is, or how to handle it. And if she had waited til after she was post-op, maybe she could have never told him at all. But she wanted to have an honest relationship where she was loved for all of who she is, was not keeping secrets. I think it's a very tough position for her to be in.

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Wow, I did NOT see that coming!  Good for you, Catfish! 

 

But poor Jamey seemed like a legitimately clueless type of nice guy.  Not too sophisticated and obviously beguiled by the pretty girl.  Too bad she turned out to be a lying, manipulator.  I really don't feel much sympathy for Ari though.  I know she's got a rough road ahead of her, but you can't lie about that stuff.

 

Transitioning to a full female is a gigantic thing  And like the guys said, she went on a regular dating website, so she knew exactly what she was doing.  She wasn't looking for a friend, she was looking to see how many good looking guys she could attract. 

 

I'm kinda of surprised Jamey wanted to meet her when basically she humiliated him on TV.  But he is a really nice, accepting guy.  And then SHE blew HIM off?  Bitch.  I don't think she was traumatized, I think she was playing the diva.  

 

After the last episode, I must say this one redeemed the show pretty damn well! 

 

After watching what the media is doing to Bruce Jenner right now, I'd say it's fairly understandable why she chose to leave out that information.  Admitting what she was admitting was pretty life altering, is it so hard to believe she was having a hard time processing it at that moment with a camera in her face?  IMO, she's not a bitch, but an incredibly self conscious young lady who was completely terrified at what had just happened and what she was doing.  I think even if Jamey had pulled her into a hug and told her right there he had no issue and asked her to marry him she'd still have done what she did.  And I am kind of happy MTV chose to show that as well as Jamey's reaction.  THAT is how you handle the situation.  He had a reason to cop an attitude with her, but he recognized that in the grand scheme of what was happening, the fact that she'd deceived him was not what was important at that moment.  He focused on trying to make her feel comfortable and kept repeating that he only wanted to help her.  

Jamey is good people and he will make some girl very happy one day because he is clearly unselfish and self aware, two traits that are highly in need in this world.  I wish them both luck.

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After watching what the media is doing to Bruce Jenner right now, I'd say it's fairly understandable why she chose to leave out that information.

This is a good point.  However, Ari has never been married, fathered children or been a world-wide hero and celebrity.  Bruce has been in the media for 30+ years as have most of his family. To me, the similarities are only (eventually) gynecological.

 

And while I can understand that Ari wanted to be liked for herself, that self was a person in the process of a PROFOUND transition.  She then insisted that the reveal of that transition, to somebody she said she cared about, is broadcast on television.  This is less to me about her personal safety than it is her feeling that what she wants is paramount, and Jamey's feelings be damned.   

 

While I don't think Ari is a bad person, I did feel that she wanted her 15 minutes of fame more than she wanted Jamey.  

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This is a good point.  However, Ari has never been married, fathered children or been a world-wide hero and celebrity.  Bruce has been in the media for 30+ years as have most of his family. To me, the similarities are only (eventually) gynecological.

 

And while I can understand that Ari wanted to be liked for herself, that self was a person in the process of a PROFOUND transition.  She then insisted that the reveal of that transition, to somebody she said she cared about, is broadcast on television.  This is less to me about her personal safety than it is her feeling that what she wants is paramount, and Jamey's feelings be damned.   

 

While I don't think Ari is a bad person, I did feel that she wanted her 15 minutes of fame more than she wanted Jamey.  

 

I really hope you aren't saying that simply because he's lived his life in the public eye he is deserving of what is happening to him right now.  Because I cannot disagree with that more.  Just no.  So much no.

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I absolutely do NOT believe Bruce deserves an iota of condemnation or criticism for what he is doing.  I respect him & applaud him for what he is doing.  

 

The difference to me is that Bruce told his family, the people he loves, before he told the world.  (Or will tell tomorrow).  Ari told the world before telling the person she supposedly loved, Jamey.  I think Ari got it backwards and blindsided Jamey.  She forced him to face a major and possibly traumatic circumstance on national TV.  Not cool to me. 

 

And because Jamey had no idea, the person Ari represented herself to be was inauthentic.  It was not just glossing over a few superficial character or physical traits, that was her core belief about herself.   There's a big difference between revealing "Oh, I'm not really a natural blonde", and "I was born a boy".  

Edited by leighdear
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That's it, and seems like a weird place for him to stop, but I assume the rest of that was saying it's the reason Ari wanted objective third parties present when she and Jamey met for the first time -- for her own safety just in case he might have attacked her if the cameras weren't there to stop him.

 

Yes, because the only real way to achieve this is to go on national television.  She couldn't just bring a friend or two with her to assure that the situation remains comfortable.  More to the point, that's a pretty huge assumption to be making. 

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Perhaps! That's my interpretation.

 

I understand.  I just think if her main concern was her safety, it seems like there are much easier ways to look out for that than writing off to MTV. 

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It's fine to want to keep your private life private. But, in situations like these with transgender is involved, you should be upfront about it if you intending to get into any sort of romantic relationship with someone. Even if it's over the web. The situation just keeps getting bigger and bigger when you Keep the secret.

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I don't watch Catfish anymore (since the first season), but these recaps are fantastic, Tara Ariano! Your writing is so funny. And this:

In fact, your life might be better if you don't think about straight men at all!

is pretty much my mantra as a 40-year-old single straight woman. I wish it was different.
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This almost seems like the a very polite Afterschool special version of Jerry Springer episode that crossed over to Catfish....

LOL! Not trivializing the issues that both people were confronting but that was a great comparison.

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LOL! Not trivializing the issues that both people were confronting but that was a great comparison.but that was a great comparison.

 

Me either. I am in no way saying that the issues @ hand aren't serious.... But, I just happen to see something funny in the episode.... I am glad I ain't the only one who can see the humor in the episode....;-)

 

BTW. cheatincheetos, Is that a picture of Leah from Teen Mom in your avatar? It looks just like her....

Edited by OrientalAmish

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At first (before I knew the shocking news) I thought it was kind of famewhorish and indicative of this season for Jamey and Ari to arrange for their first meeting to be on Catfish, but I could see by the end how important this episode was for the viewing public to see. It was both educational for people like yours truly who are ignorant about transgender folks in addition to transgender folks who are struggling to be who they are. It's so important for transgender people to see public images of people like themselves in the media and it was so brave of Ari to come out to the world on Catfish like that. Bless her for doing that. And how relevant is it that this episode comes out just before the big Bruce Jenner interview tonight. I agree with those that say this  is one of the best episodes of Catfish, which has been iffy at best this season.

 

IMO there was no deception involved. As Nev explained at the end, transwomen are women. Ari wasn't being deceptive to Jamey about her gender. It was just one giant omission. She knew that once she dropped that bomb on him that it would be a dealbreaker. To me, it's similar (though varying in degree) to a single mother or father deciding when the time is right to tell a prospective mate about their children or for someone to reveal his or her HIV-positive status or felony conviction to who he or she is dating. These all could be potential dealbreakers that could require divulging at some point, but it's up to the person with "the baggage" to tell the other person on his or her own terms.

 

While maybe it should have been done sooner, Ari picked a very public way to break the news to Jamey and knew the risks, and kudos to Jamey for taking the news like a champ. He's such a class act and gentleman. So many times on this show we see the person who is perceived to be deceived unable to get past it and act irrationally. While Jamey took it hard initially, you could tell he thought about it overnight and realized how important it was for him to be respectful and accepting towards Ari. Ari needed his support and he was there for her and treated the situation with the utmost maturity. Had he been a dick to her that could have been so damaging to Ari and she could have suffered a social injury as a result. I could also sympathize with Ari walking away. It was just too much to deal with, and I was under the impression she was trying to drive him away with those texts. I'm thinking the hormones she's taking could alter her mood as well. With that said, it's a shame they couldn't return to what they were before meeting. They seemed to have a great thing going online. While they remain friends, it doesn't seem like they're good friends anymore and that's kind of sad. But such is life.

 

This might seem stupid, but I wonder if Ari "skyped" close-up as a way of hiding because she was self-conscious about Jamey accidentally checking out her package since she hasn't had the surgery yet. I know that's a ridiculous thought, but Ari clearly didn't feel 100% comfortable in her skin yet. However, this big reveal on Catfish had to be so liberating, and I hope it felt good for her to get that massive weight off her shoulders. Everyone should feel free to be who they are. My juvenile mind also thinks it's funny and appropriate given the show's content that Jamey's an apprentice to be a meat cutter, but I'm a horrible 12-year-old on the inside.

Edited by jmonkey
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She said she hoped that if he got to know her as a person, he would like her, and in fact that's what happened. But I bet if she had started on Day 1 with "I'm trans" he would never have gotten to know her in the first place.

 

The issue is that these aren't the only two options.  She could have told him after a few conversations (for example, Day 4) or as soon as it was getting serious.  There are variations, but usually as a relationship progresses, to borrow a metaphor from another Jerry Springer show, people open more baggage.  For a transgender person, where you might see 99% of people be cool with it, but 1% reacting violently, the math says you should tell as few people as possible...but better math says if those 1% are told early, and get scared off/lose interest/go away BEFORE they can do damage to you, you might be OK.  You can also bring up the topic of transgenderism generally, and gauge how they react--the topic appears in media enough that you could make it seem natural (or invent a fictional friend, for example.)  If someone is militantly anti-trans (or had a dangerous trans-attraction), you could pick up on that without telling them specificially.  It's also important if you're getting serious enough that having biological kids is an issue, because that matters to different degrees to people, and again it's something you could "feel out" before revealing everything.  There are people who don't need to know (e.g. most people), people who do, and people you can test the waters for before deciding if they need to know or if you're better off keeping a secret or ending the relationship. 

 

Maybe that happened and she got a bad vibe from a test question ("Did you watch Jerry Springer?"  "No, that show is fake.", which could be a sign he's transphobic, but might be a sign he just doesn't like talk shows, or dislikes people from Cincinnati, or whatever), but that wasn't shown.

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IMO there was no deception involved. As Nev explained at the end, transwomen are women. Ari wasn't being deceptive to Jamey about her gender. It was just one giant omission. She knew that once she dropped that bomb on him that it would be a dealbreaker. To me, it's similar (though varying in degree) to a single mother or father deciding when the time is right to tell a prospective mate about their children or for someone to reveal his or her HIV-positive status or felony conviction to who he or she is dating. These all could be potential dealbreakers that could require divulging at some point, but it's up to the person with "the baggage" to tell the other person on his or her own terms.

 

 

Interesting, but I disagree.  I feel that a person should be allowed to make an informed decision about someone, not strung along and then, "surprise!" I don't think your whole history should be told on the first date, but definitely if you are getting emotionally involved, you shouldn't hide it IMO.  It's not fair for someone to become emotionally involved with a person who is hiding a secret, for me that makes the person untrustworthy.  People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. 

Edited by Neurochick
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