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David T. Cole

Small Talk: We'll Be Right Back

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My mom didn’t force me to eat stuff I didn’t like, although she’d occasionally say “You don’t know what you’re missing“(you’re missing me throwing up!).  When I was in high school, she married a man who’d been raised during the Depression, and therefore had the mindset of “You’ll eat what’s put in front of you, even if you have to sit there all night.”

That ended the night he hit me with a belt because he decided I wasn’t eating my dinner fast enough. 

 

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We ate what was put in front of us. We did not have extra food to eat ( we were never without food, never went hungry)  so did not have the choice of eating something different. My mother and step dad worked hard to put food on the table and we were expected to eat it. The good thing about that is when I ate at someone's house I ate what was on my plate. It would have been rude not to. I am also old, 63, and things were different. I honestly couldn't say which way is best but I have heard stories about kids driving their parents crazy with their picky eating habits. I am not talking about toddlers they are learning what food tastes like so they can be challenging to get food into.

21 minutes ago, smittykins said:

My mom didn’t force me to eat stuff I didn’t like, although she’d occasionally say “You don’t know what you’re missing“(you’re missing me throwing up!).  When I was in high school, she married a man who’d been raised during the Depression, and therefore had the mindset of “You’ll eat what’s put in front of you, even if you have to sit there all night.”

That ended the night he hit me with a belt because he decided I wasn’t eating my dinner fast enough. 

 

Now that is abusive.

Smittykins, I did not mean to quote you in my post not sure what happened.

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I'm pretty picky, but I can usually find something to eat.

I don't think I've ever had meatloaf -- my mother doesn't like it, so she never cooked it, and so I've never cooked it, either.  I'm not a huge fan of ground beef, though, so I suspect that even if I tried it, it would not make it into the regular rotation of meals at my house.

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6 minutes ago, crazycatlady58 said:

We ate what was put in front of us. We did not have extra food to eat ( we were never without food, never went hungry)  so did not have the choice of eating something different. My mother and step dad worked hard to put food on the table and we were expected to eat it. The good thing about that is when I ate at someone's house I ate what was on my plate. It would have been rude not to. I am also old, 63, and things were different. I honestly couldn't say which way is best but I have heard stories about kids driving their parents crazy with their picky eating habits. I am not talking about toddlers they are learning what food tastes like so they can be challenging to get food into.

Now that is abusive.

Smittykins, I did not mean to quote you in my post not sure what happened.

I do get how sometimes it does seem like kids can be bratty about what they eat especially when it comes to vegetables. It doesn't seem harmful to let them eat a sandwich or something. The older kids get it might be easier to get them to eat vegetables. My parents added cheese or ranch dressing to duck them in. While I do get the eat what's put in front of you to a point. My parents had that thought to. Except some foods made me sick. Eating peas and green beans made me sick to the point of throwing up. My parents' blew it off as being a picking eater and started to get mad when it spread to other foods onions, tomatoes and so many more. They assumed that I was making a big deal out of nothing, doing it to get out of eating it, or I worked myself into a state that to throw up. Instead of not wanting to eat food I knew would make me throw up. No amount of trying to explain how queasy it made my stomach or how long I'd be sick afterwards did any good. They blew it off. I was picky, I was being difficult, if I just ate the food it would be fine. Except it wasn't. And it wasn't until I was an adult that we realized there had to be a problem. I'd been throwing up since my childhood and it only got worse and by the time I was an adult I was throwing up every three to six months. It turned out there was a problem. My stomach had a problem breaking certain foods down. It never once occurred to them that my younger years of throwing up peas and green beans was actually probably the first signs of a problem. Sometimes its not a kid being picky. Sometimes there's a problem.

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But did you ever notice that if Mom doesn't like a particular food, it never even makes it to the grocery cart, much less the table?

Well, yeah. Mom has to cook it, she might as well make what she likes.

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5 hours ago, Prevailing Wind said:

I didn't get the "three more bites" bit, but I did get "Just eat the meat..." 

I don't know about all kids, but my sister and brother-in-law have to do the "three more bites" thing with my nieces because they'll feign fullness and then want dessert.  Or (and I don't know if they do this at home), they'll say they're done but really they're just distracted by something, and then fifteen minutes after the table is clear they'll say they're hungry.  I don't think kids should have to eat more if they're genuinely full, but I do think they should clean their plates if they like the food on the plate and are not full.

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10 hours ago, Prevailing Wind said:

...I made a deal with her: I'd eat this now if she promised NEVER to make it again. She must have remembered for a while that she made that deal - so long, in fact, the "recipe" was forgotten, so she did, indeed, never make it again. Score one for the kid!

But did you ever notice that if Mom doesn't like a particular food, it never even makes it to the grocery cart, much less the table?

I like the way you think, re: deal with mom. 

And regarding the second part - no duh!! I’m the mother now! 

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21 hours ago, Prevailing Wind said:

But did you ever notice that if Mom doesn't like a particular food, it never even makes it to the grocery cart, much less the table?

They are adults, they get to make those decisions.  I have seen more than my share of parents who tried to be their children's best buds.  Most of them regretted it when their children hit their teenage years.

As a kid, I would have preferred to eat french fries and pizza instead of fresh vegetables like broccoli.  I am glad that I was forced to eat broccoli.  IMO eating that is far better than the alternative.

Edited by icemiser69
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I don't want to hurt any chipmunks, but I have to find a way to get them away from the bird feeders.  Chipmunks aren't supposed to like thistle (nyjer) seed, but this chipmunk apparently does. 

I have also been chasing a cat away from the bird feeders for years.  The cat is so scared of me,  that yesterday when I walked toward him, he scaled a six foot white plastic section of a neighbor's fence just to get away from me.   I don't know how he was able to get over the fence.  I won't harm any animal. 

I do need a solution to my chipmunk problem.  I feel bad that the birds aren't getting their bird seed because of the chipmunk.

 

Edited by icemiser69

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There are birdfeeders designed to keep critters like chipmunks, in our case squirrels, from being able to get seed out of a feeder, We have one, and my husband still modified it to make it better. The squirrels now forage what's left on the deck. We have the feeder hanging on a support from a lattice wall on our back deck outside our bedroom, which has sliders onto the deck We put it there for, as my husband refers to her, your cat. She loves watching birds and squirrels, sometimes chattering at them. When I went to the store a few weeks ago, he asked me to get more bird seed. When I told him the birds would do fine, he replied it wasn't for the birds, it was for "your cat". He's not a cat person, and won't admit it, but has grown fond of this kitty that found us 6 years ago.

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I appreciate your feedback.  Thank you.

I have my birdfeeders on a pole next to lilac bushes.  The color combination of the purple lilacs behind the bright yellow goldfinches is truly awesome. 

The birds like the feeders there, because they have plenty of cover to hide in.  I really don't want to move the feeder pole to an open area where birds don't have any cover.

I have two indoor cats that are far more interested in insects that get into the house more so than anything else.   Luckily, I was able to get to a hornet before the cats got to the little bugger.    

Edited by icemiser69
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There are tube feeders just for gold finches. I have a long one in a free and the squirrels and other birds, except some sparrows and other finches, leave it alone. Cage feeders are effective against squirrels and probably chipmunks. I have one for seeds and one for peanut chips. They also keep the bigger birds out. For them and the cardinals, I have open feeders. Baffles on the poles also help.

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20 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Also check out Duncraft. They have many specialty feeders.

I only buy local, not online.   I like to see what I am buying in person, and ask questions.

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I have a friend who had a wood plaque with a Peace sign followed by the word Peace in her front window. Her HOA said she had to remove it. What she told them can't be repeated in polite company. The sign remained in her window for many years until she moved.

Re: HOA discussion started from a GEICO commercial discussed in the hated commercials thread.

I mentioned the above peace sign plaque. I finally remembered why my friend's HOA told her she couldn't have this sign in her window. They prohibited political signs on properties or in windows. They told her it was a political statement. 🤣🤣🤣 She basically told them to put it where the sun don't shine.

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I am ready to raise the white flag and surrender.   Momma deer, and an incredibly small baby deer showed up this morning.  The fawn looked like Morris the cat on stilts.  Incredibly small, even for a fawn.  The chipmunks must have been sent out as spies, just to see how inept I am in defending my bird feeders, bushes, trees, and flowers..

Edited by icemiser69
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As a member of the board of an HOA, I have to say sometimes they enforce the rules a little too aggressively to prove that they DO enforce them for everyone...because there's always that one person who never follows ANY rules, makes it hard on everyone, and will sue if it's proven the rules are enforced lackadaisically and s/he's being targeted. 

We've got one like that, who stares down the Prez & his wife AND owns guns. He's a scary dude...and wants to be on the board. It's so hard to get people to volunteer to be on the board, yet every election, we have to make sure we have enough candidates that he won't get in by default. Very few people actually vote for him.

So if y'all are SO unhappy with your HOA, volunteer to be on the board; see what you can change for the better. Not all HOAs are from hell.

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That's why I love living in the country. I could erect a bronze statue of Ethel Merman on my 1.15 acres of land and no one would care.

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5 hours ago, icemiser69 said:

Momma deer, and an incredibly small baby deer showed up this morning.  The fawn looked like Morris the cat on stilts.  Incredibly small, even for a fawn.  

Awwwww :). 

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3 hours ago, Annber03 said:

Awwwww :). 

They are cute, but they do a lot of damage.  I would put up a fence if there weren't a bunch of trees in the way straddling the property line.  The deer belong back in the woods, away from the busy street. 

Edited by icemiser69
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Oh, yeah, you're right that they can do damage. My mom's car was banged up pretty good a few years ago after a deer ran into the road and into my mom's car. She had to wind up getting a new car. 

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I went out and sprayed "Liquid Fence" all over my plants in the hopes that the deer will leave them alone.   That worked reasonably well last year, it wasn't one hundred percent effective.

In any case, during mid spray the wind shifted toward me and it carried the spray all over me.   I smell so bad, Pepé Le Pew would run in the other direction.🦨

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Once upon a time I lived on the flanks of a dormant volcano and we had deer year round on our little acre - we referred to them as "rats with hooves" because they will eat every single vegetable and flowered plant that you value and then patiently wait for you to plant some more...

I recommend that super thin green mesh netting on poles over and around any vegies you really want to preserve from deer - they could break through it physically if they wanted to but for some reason they don't in my many years of experience growing tomatoes, etc. each summer. And then you don't need any other weird chemical repellant which is what I was trying to avoid.

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5 minutes ago, isalicat said:

I recommend that super thin green mesh netting on poles over and around any vegies you really want to preserve from deer

Just make sure the mesh has a tight weave; my parents put some mesh over their row of dwarf fruit trees one year, and were horrified the next morning to find several birds trapped in it (obviously, they immediately took it down).  The mesh wasn't a terribly wide weave, but turned out to be wide enough to pose a danger to birds.

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When I worked at a law firm in the billing department, the "intellectual property" department had a client trying to patent Lion Dung Mix... as a deer repellent. Even though our American deer don't know what a lion is, they smell "predator" when you spread their manure around and the deer stay away.  So...perhaps you can make a deal with the zoo?

 

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23 minutes ago, Prevailing Wind said:

When I worked at a law firm in the billing department, the "intellectual property" department had a client trying to patent Lion Dung Mix... as a deer repellent. Even though our American deer don't know what a lion is, they smell "predator" when you spread their manure around and the deer stay away.  So...perhaps you can make a deal with the zoo?

 

Lol, I tried putting a few choice morsels from our cat's litter box around my gladiolas to keep the rabbits away. Did not work.

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On 6/7/2020 at 1:29 PM, peacheslatour said:

Lol, I tried putting a few choice morsels from our cat's litter box around my gladiolas to keep the rabbits away. Did not work.

Yes, bunnies! So cute until they are in *your* yard! And a grown wild rabbit is not likely to be challenged by a house cat (baby bunnies, on the other hand, seemed to be a prime treat each spring for my big tom cat when we lived in the wilds). Only things that work with rabbits are (a) most excellent and deep strong mesh fencing or (b) a super energetic doggie that spends his/her days outside keeping the rabbits in line 🙂

 

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I have a feral cat that uses under my fir trees as his cat box. When I feed the birds I see all his deposits and they don't seem to drive anyone away. 

Edited by Gramto6
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On Tuesday, June 02, 2020 at 8:24 AM, icemiser69 said:

I have my birdfeeders on a pole next to lilac bushes.  The color combination of the purple lilacs behind the bright yellow goldfinches is truly awesome.

I am so envious as I love lilacs. I have a California lilac which is not really the same, and our goldfinches are not that bright yellow. I do get a lot of sparrows and house finches.
 

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8 hours ago, nokat said:

I am so envious as I love lilacs. I have a California lilac which is not really the same, and our goldfinches are not that bright yellow. I do get a lot of sparrows and house finches.
 

Lately we've had an influx of robins, which I adore. The blue jays are bringing their fledge around, we feed them unsalted peanuts in the shell. Mama or papa blue jay were teaching Jr. the delicate art of picking the first nut out of the shell, placing it on the lilac branch and then getting the second nut and dropping the shell on the ground. Yesterday a crow came blasting out of nowhere and flew through the branches, scaring the crap out of the kid. The parent then started screeching at him like "you dummy, don't let that bastard push you around!"

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4 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Lately we've had an influx of robins, which I adore.

Robins are a sure sign of spring. For me it is the hummingbirds that nest in our tree. I was a little worried this year, but there they are! They have hovered so close to me I've wanted to say keep that beak away from my eyes. They have such tiny little nests and eggs.

I like the sparrow songs in the morning. I kind of got angry at the chipmunks when I saw them eating my rose buds.
 

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Just now, nokat said:

Robins are a sure sign of spring. For me it is the hummingbirds that nest in our tree. I was a little worried this year, but there they are! They have hovered so close to me I've wanted to say keep that beak away from my eyes. They have such tiny little nests and eggs.

I like the sparrow songs in the morning. I kind of got angry at the chipmunks when I saw them eating my rose buds.
 

Around here the hummingbirds are all year round. It's our own fault because we feed them. The ones on the east side of the mountains migrate to Mexico in the winter. How those tiny creatures fly the thousands of miles south I'll never know.

The damn rabbits ate all the buds off my Triliums. My late uncle had given me the plants before they moved to Florida. Broke my heart.

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Years ago, I worked at a museum, it has a lovely restaurant with 10 - 12 ft ceilings and windows that go from floor to ceiling. One of the kitchen staff found a baby blue jay in the garden. He chewed food and fed the baby and then as it grew up he continued to feed it other food. That jay was the pet of the staff. He sat on one of the gardener's head while he cut grass. He flew onto the patio and landed on the tables looking for food. Startled a lot of the patrons. But in the very hot summer, he would fly up to those windows, spread his wings and paste himself to the window to cool off. That really startled patrons of the restaurant. 

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43 minutes ago, friendperidot said:

Years ago, I worked at a museum, it has a lovely restaurant with 10 - 12 ft ceilings and windows that go from floor to ceiling. One of the kitchen staff found a baby blue jay in the garden. He chewed food and fed the baby and then as it grew up he continued to feed it other food. That jay was the pet of the staff. He sat on one of the gardener's head while he cut grass. He flew onto the patio and landed on the tables looking for food. Startled a lot of the patrons. But in the very hot summer, he would fly up to those windows, spread his wings and paste himself to the window to cool off. That really startled patrons of the restaurant. 

When I first started feeding them, I didn't know much about them. I thought they were beautiful birds with unfortunate voices. But now i know they make a large variety of sounds. Trills, chirps, an almost purring sound in addition to their harsh, raspy cries.

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1 hour ago, nokat said:

Robins are a sure sign of spring.

We have Robins year-round in my part of Virginia.  Spring in my yard means Red-Winged Blackbirds, Catbirds and Chipping Sparrows, among others.  Bonus points if I get a Rose-Breasted Grosbeak passing through, but they just pass through on their way north and/or to higher elevations.

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5 hours ago, peacheslatour said:

Around here the hummingbirds are all year round. It's our own fault because we feed them.

I don't have feeders, but plants that they feed from. I want to read more about plants that attract butterflies too. I love seeing hummingbirds and hearing that little bee buzz when I'm in the yard.

I've also had bee friendly plants. It made it a bit difficult to tend to the yard, even though they were not aggressive in any way. I'm thinking of building one of those bee friendly hives.
 

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4 hours ago, Browncoat said:

We have Robins year-round in my part of Virginia.  Spring in my yard means Red-Winged Blackbirds, Catbirds and Chipping Sparrows, among others.  Bonus points if I get a Rose-Breasted Grosbeak passing through, but they just pass through on their way north and/or to higher elevations.

I have to hike to see Grosbeaks. I'm realizing I'm kind of a bird stalker. I have binoculars that I use to (gasp) bird watch. 
 

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7 hours ago, nokat said:

I have to hike to see Grosbeaks. I'm realizing I'm kind of a bird stalker. I have binoculars that I use to (gasp) bird watch. 
 

I have to hike to see the Grosbeaks this time of year.  And a couple of years ago, I took a train to New York primarily to go to B&H Photo to buy a new set of binoculars. I had become unhappy with my old set. Both are used almost exclusively to look for birds.

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1 hour ago, Browncoat said:

I have to hike to see the Grosbeaks this time of year.  And a couple of years ago, I took a train to New York primarily to go to B&H Photo to buy a new set of binoculars. I had become unhappy with my old set. Both are used almost exclusively to look for birds.

I'm envious that you got to visit B&H Photo! That's where my binoculars are from but I ordered from their website.  Of course now that their name was mentioned I'll be getting a catalog in the mail soon.
 

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29 minutes ago, nokat said:

I'm envious that you got to visit B&H Photo! That's where my binoculars are from but I ordered from their website.  Of course now that their name was mentioned I'll be getting a catalog in the mail soon.
 

It is an amazing place.  I felt like a kid in a candy store.  

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Long ago, when my little sister was a toddler, our mother took her out to the backyard for lunch. As Mom was feeding little a spoon of carrots, a blue jay swooped in to steal the carrots from the spoon. It shook Mom up! She thought it was an attack LOL.

Many years later, one of my cats was attacked by a blue jay on our apartment balcony. I guess there may have been a nest nearby. The bird pecked Desi on the top of his head and it ended up abcessing, creating a giant swelling on his forehead. The abcess burst while we were in an exam room waiting for the vet and the vet was pissed off that I had grabbed a tissue to wipe away the pus that was running down Desi's face. I'll never forget that jerk vet. Desi lived and thrived!

But I don't have a fondness for blue jays. They are imprinted on me as mean. Even though I know they're just birds being birds. And they are beautiful.

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I was surprised to hear blue jays attacked. Barn and house swallows, I guess they just swoop and don't really do damage. I was however terrorized by a rooster as a toddler. 
 

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43 minutes ago, nokat said:

I was surprised to hear blue jays attacked. Barn and house swallows, I guess they just swoop and don't really do damage. I was however terrorized by a rooster as a toddler. 
 

So was my mom. She claimed it was because her older brother relentlessly teased the poor bird and made it mean. I can believe that, we had a neighbor whose kids tormented their Weimaraner until it became the scourge of the neighborhood.

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Roosters are mean!  As are geese and swans.  I have been chased by all of those, and they won't back down, either.

Mockingbirds are also fierce defenders of their nests.

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7 minutes ago, Browncoat said:

Roosters are mean!  As are geese and swans.  I have been chased by all of those, and they won't back down, either.

Mockingbirds are also fierce defenders of their nests.

For that matter so are hummingbirds. They are fierce as hell.

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19 hours ago, nokat said:

Robins are a sure sign of spring. For me it is the hummingbirds that nest in our tree. I was a little worried this year, but there they are! They have hovered so close to me I've wanted to say keep that beak away from my eyes. They have such tiny little nests and eggs.
 

Pictures!  Please!

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7 hours ago, Browncoat said:

Mockingbirds are also fierce defenders of their nests.

Several years ago, a mockingbird built her nest in the part of my orange tree that hangs over my driveway between the house and the garage.  Every time I went to and from my car, she dive-bombed me.  She only made contact once.

8 hours ago, Browncoat said:

As are geese and swans.

I've known two people who were attacked by geese, resulting in fairly significant injury.

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5 hours ago, Zahdii said:

Pictures!  Please!

I'm not sure how to do that here, but thanks for asking.
 

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12 hours ago, dleighg said:

I guess that I've got too much of libertarian streak (even though I'm a lifelong democrat) that I just don't care enough about what my neighbor does, or does not do, to want to be part of an HOA. "You're Not The Boss Of Me"!

I guess you’ve never had a neighbor who had a huge pile of dirt put in their yard to do “something” with, then never did anything with it and grass eventually grew over it. Or boarded up their windows for a hurricane, then never unboarded them. Or parked in their front yard. HOAs are good for keeping that stuff at bay.

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1 hour ago, kariyaki said:

I guess you’ve never had a neighbor who had a huge pile of dirt put in their yard to do “something” with, then never did anything with it and grass eventually grew over it. Or boarded up their windows for a hurricane, then never unboarded them. Or parked in their front yard. HOAs are good for keeping that stuff at bay.

Don't forget the classic ratty old couch on the front porch!

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