S10.E12: Jill's Having A....

[5cents-worth]

Maybe I am just imagining it, but I giggle every time I think I sense Michelle struggling to conceal her discomfort with not being the center of attention since she is not the one about to pop out a baby.  I caught a glimpse of her doing it again tonight as the camera panned across the room at the gender reveal party ... there was poor Michelle off in the background looking uncomfortable while mother-to-be Jill was the focus.  Poor ol' Michelle just looked lost, lol.  I think it's killing her that she is not the one everyone is showering attention upon.  The best was when Jill and Derrick popped in on the Bible meeting at the Duggar house to announce the pregnancy and Michelle barely managed to white-knuckle her way through the scene. She knew what was coming and she was doing everything she could to looked pleased when I think she was actually closer to stunned.  Of course I don't doubt that she is happy for her daughter and will love her new grandchild, but I think there is something about the fact that one of her own daughters has finally wrestled the birthing torch from her grasp that bothers her. A  lot.  

 

I actually felt a brief moment of sympathy for Michelle in this scene.  In her beliefs, her value as a person rests almost entirely on her ability to birth babies.  It is all she has been doing for over 25 years. Who is she and what value does she have if she can no longer fufill her sole purpose in life?  Her religion offers little in the way of roles to fill during this "season of life."  It must be both terrifying and sad for her.

[JoanArc]

 

It must be both terrifying and sad for her.

 No sympathy. Not after the way she treated her kids for those 25 years. She made her bed...

[BitterApple]

I'd feel more sympathy if Michelle was actually an involved and loving parent a la Kelly Bates. She loves the attention she gets while pregnant but has no interest in her children beyond infancy. When Joy was trying to get three little girls out of bed and dressed Michelle was nowhere to be found.

[3girlsforus]

I agree about the lack of sympathy. It's a transition to decide you are done having children. Lots of women get a little sad or accost other peoples babies a few times :-) But most women get past it by focusing on their children and all the great things about the other stages of childhood. Michele is treating the end of pregnancies like it's empty nest syndrome.  For all the pregnancies she had, she never seemed to figure out that pregnancies create PEOPLE not babies. Focus on those people. Just because they aren't babies anymore doesn't mean you are done with them. 

[DangerousMinds]

Even if TLC did pay for it, I doubt they would have come up with anything better or a bit more sophisticated (the party food).

Edited April 8, 2015 by DangerousMinds

[Joe Jitsu913]

No sympathy. Not after the way she treated her kids for those 25 years. She made her bed...

Same here. Michelle can build a bridge and get over it.

[MarysWetBar]

Thanks for the responses everyone. I wasn't sure if i was comprehending properly or having a crappy day or just not "getting it." I guess we all have been brought up in different houses with different values is all. Its the hypocrisy out of this bunch that eats at me. Especially them all trumpeting Jill's "servants heart" specifically. You know what is missing in every one of those Duggars? Empathy. I just realized that today. None of them have ever shown an ounce of it for anyone not related to them and i find that extremely hypocritical.Someone may say MEchelle showed some on her visit to the preemie hospital but those trips are all about her basking in the only glory she really has.

What a selfish bunch they are. Even Guinn and Ben can show it...Duggars not a chance..ever.

Edited April 8, 2015 by MarysWetBar

[DangerousMinds]

What is the deal with Derick misusing the word "whenever?" The others have no education, but he does.

[JenCarroll]

I was surprised that Joy and Jenny were allowed to see a baby penis, even on ultrasound.

They have to be taught to revere it, so they can offer proper worship to their future "headship." Aaaand that word continues to crack me up...

[JoanArc]

Same here. Michelle can build a bridge and get over it.

"Jana, go walk across that bridge. Joy, cough up some tears about Jubilee. *finger snap* Make with the frapachino Jin-Jin."

 

Everyone remotely close to Michelle has shouldered the burden of ALL of her choices, while she reaps the benefits of fame and fortune. No sympathy.

[graefin]

What is the deal with Derick misusing the word "whenever?" The others have no education, but he does.

I think that's a regionalism. BTW, here's a good example of the Duggar inability to form a complete sentence: "When everyone else is asking you, 'When are you going to have that baby?' The baby will come when the baby comes." (Jill, from the People interview)

[Mrsjumbo]

I guess they just wanted both sides to know the gender at the same time, so there were no hurt feelings. If Cathy was living in nwa she would have been invited to the piñata party. So I give them a pass.

If I was Derick however, I would be pissed that the "buddies" were there for the u/s. That was an important moment for Mr Jumbo & I. I would have been pissed if his siblings tagged along. Usually you only get 1 or 2 u/s the whole pregnancy- once in the very beginning to determine pregancy & date it; again at about 19 weeks to measure & reveal gender if that is desired.

[Absolom]

Life as an episode of TV. :)  

 

Ratings:  2.229 M viewers and a .7 rating.  

[msblossom]

I guess they just wanted both sides to know the gender at the same time, so there were no hurt feelings. If Cathy was living in nwa she would have been invited to the piñata party. So I give them a pass.

If I was Derick however, I would be pissed that the "buddies" were there for the u/s. That was an important moment for Mr Jumbo & I. I would have been pissed if his siblings tagged along. Usually you only get 1 or 2 u/s the whole pregnancy- once in the very beginning to determine pregancy & date it; again at about 19 weeks to measure & reveal gender if that is desired.

The Duggars come as a package deal with Jill. Most of their sacred and important moments are pretty much shared events now. Good bye privacy. He's a Duggar now.

[Spencer Hastings]

If I was Derick however, I would be pissed that the "buddies" were there for the u/s. That was an important moment for Mr Jumbo & I. I would have been pissed if his siblings tagged along. Usually you only get 1 or 2 u/s the whole pregnancy- once in the very beginning to determine pregancy & date it; again at about 19 weeks to measure & reveal gender if that is desired.

You and your hubby probably didn't come with built in sibling-children. DerickDillard knew when he married her that Jill was just as dependent on her buddies as they are on her. If they hadn't been there, Jill probably would have been wishing they were.

[Snickerdoodle]

my question, why buy all the candy before the ultrasound?  Why not buy the candy....gasp...after the ultrasound so that way you only have to buy half the candy....and you know save money?  Same thing with the flowers, I just don't understand.......I was also surprised they went ahead and said the name on the show, what if the baby hadn't came already?  I kind of thought they wanted to keep it a secret but oh well.  With that being said we had parents use the name Saleah before (can't remember spelling though).

I didn't understand either!  I was hoping it was editing and they picked up pink candy but didn't really buy it.  But then I saw the 2 bow-kays (as they like to say) of flowers.  SMH

 

Are gender reveal parties really a thing?  I've never heard of it.

[EarlGreyTea]

I didn't understand either!  I was hoping it was editing and they picked up pink candy but didn't really buy it.  But then I saw the 2 bow-kays (as they like to say) of flowers.  SMH

 

Are gender reveal parties really a thing?  I've never heard of it.

 

Yeah, they're super trendy right now. As a millennial I'm pretty sure it was borne out of our need to constantly record everything and take photos of ourselves in social situations so that we look happier and more popular than we really are. ;)

 

I imagine it is extremely popular amongst Jill's set since women are only celebrated in Gothard culture for having kids, hence the celebrations every time. What else are they going to celebrate? Not graduating college, not getting a job promotion, not getting an advanced degree, not retiring, etc. So I get why it's especially popular in those circles.

Edited April 9, 2015 by EarlGreyTea

[Potato511]

What is the deal with Derick misusing the word "whenever?" 

It's a regionalism. 

[Celia Rubenstein]

 

my question, why buy all the candy before the ultrasound?  Why not buy the candy....gasp...after the ultrasound so that way you only have to buy half the candy....and you know save money?  Same thing with the flowers, I just don't understand.

I thought it was dumb to buy both colors of candy, too.  But at least they can save the pink batch for the inevitable girl child someone will be spitting out soon enough. But buying both colors of flowers just makes no sense.   You can't save fresh flowers.   Now, it's been a while since I priced flower arrangements.  But I am guessing that little pink bouquet probably cost at least 30-35 bucks.  I guess it depends on where you live.  But one of those bouquets was obviously going to end up being unnecessary.  Sure, they probably donated it to someone at the treatment center.  But i thought saving money was important to these people.  What happened to the idea of saving every penny, buying used and savin' the difference, etc?  

 

I guess that concept has gone out the window in favor of puttin' on a show for the camera.  "Oh, look we have to get all this candy and at the last second fill the pinata with the right color!!!!"  "Look at me, I have two bouquets, just waiting for the word on which one to use !!!"  What a dippy plan to create "drama."  You can't even call it "drama."  It really seemed like it was done to give them all something to just ... say.  Same reason for having the little buddies present at the ultrasound.  It seems the producers are straining and reaching to come up with something for the Duggars to even talk about any more.  

Edited April 9, 2015 by Celia Rubenstein

[3 is enough]

Kind of anti-climactic, given the baby has arrived.  I know the wedding episode was also delayed, but that didn't seem so bad.  I knew they were already married, but was still curious to see the clothes, reactions, etc.  

 

But going through the whole gender reveal, birth preparations, etc, when we know the baby has arrived, albeit with  bit more drama than anticipated, IDK, just seems pointless to me.  

 

For the record, I didn't actually watch, I was out.  I find the recaps and snark here much more entertaining than the actual show ever could be.

[BitterApple]

Derick's use of "whenever" reminds me of how batshit crazy Judge Judy gets when people from the Upper Midwest say the phrase "I borrowed him the money" instead of "loaned." It's just a regionalism like how some people call all soda "cokes" even if they're referring to Sprite.

[NikSac]

I was surprised that Joy and Jenny were allowed to see a baby penis, even on ultrasound.

 

This has always confused me. They're allowed - even required - to change diapers (even boy diapers), aren't they?  I'm thinking the girls aren't 'defrauded' the same way the boys are.

[NikSac]

For all the pregnancies she had, she never seemed to figure out that pregnancies create PEOPLE not babies. Focus on those people. Just because they aren't babies anymore doesn't mean you are done with them. 

 

I am still not sure if I read this wrong or not. I read it as "pregnancies create PEOPLE" as in the magazine, not people as in actual grown up people. I feel like I got the point either way, but wondered if I was the only one who read it both ways.

 

(edited for typo fixes)

Edited April 9, 2015 by NikSac

[NEGirl]

I also find the tweets and pop ups annoying .But even more annoying to me is the "show us your side hugs" pictures.  I agree, Josie sure has seemed quite talkative lately, and is constantly talking over Jordyn. Well, a five year old "doing" laundry.  I guess Joy Anna(If I remember correctly) is the new task master. While I am not crazy about Josh, boy, are those kids cute !   They seem smart and have age appropriate behavior.  I hope they put them in school after the 4th baby is born.

[JenCarroll]

I think that's a regionalism. BTW, here's a good example of the Duggar inability to form a complete sentence: "When everyone else is asking you, 'When are you going to have that baby?' The baby will come when the baby comes." (Jill, from the People interview)

Yes, it's a regionalism. Not unusual at all.

[3girlsforus]

I am still not sure if I read this wrong or not. I read it as "pregnancies create PEOPLE" as in the magazine, not people as in actual grown up people. I feel like I got the point either way, but wondered if I was the only one who read it both ways.

 

(edited for typo fixes)

 

Oops - sorry. Definitely didn't mean the magazine. I just meant that Michele cares about being pregnant and having that infant in her arms. She forgets that those pregnancies and babies are people who will have an entire life, not just those 9 months of pregnancy and X months of nursing. Even the nursing she cuts off early to be sure she's fertile for the next pregnancy. Meanwhile she's collecting human beings like stuffed animals. All cute and adorable when they are first new but put on the shelf the minute you get a new one.

I also find the tweets and pop ups annoying .But even more annoying to me is the "show us your side hugs" pictures.  I agree, Josie sure has seemed quite talkative lately, and is constantly talking over Jordyn. Well, a five year old "doing" laundry.  I guess Joy Anna(If I remember correctly) is the new task master. While I am not crazy about Josh, boy, are those kids cute !   They seem smart and have age appropriate behavior.  I hope they put them in school after the 4th baby is born.

 

Why would she put them in school? Mackenzie is the only one who will even be school age. She isn't now and she'll only be in Kindergarten. 

[Bingermin]

Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick! These people drive me to the point of wanting to beat something! Saying this as a man, Derrick came up WAY small in the man department. If my mother was in the same shape his mother is and we were about ready to do a jinder reveal I sure as hell would have been where my mother was and let those slack jawed, mouth breathing, troglodytes Duggar's come to us. His mother showed real emotion when she found out it was a boy, actual honest to god emotion. Mechelle on the other hand looked like she just found out what topping Miracle licked and stuck to the pizza. She has a lot in common with a 3 dollar bill. Derrick has a lot to learn about being a man, he'll never get there unfortunately because he's all in on the Duggar way of thinking and that is just beyond my realm of thought. My hope is that one of these kids just rises up and says no to their dingleberry parents, just once stand up for yourself and see how it feels. 

[JenCarroll]

You and your hubby probably didn't come with built in sibling-children. DerickDillard knew when he married her that Jill was just as dependent on her buddies as they are on her. If they hadn't been there, Jill probably would have been wishing they were.

Agreed. People come into their marriages with various pre-existing commitments; that's just life. Derick knew she had kids from her previous marriage -- Jim Bob and Michelle's. I'm sure he was aware he was becoming a step-buddy. And personally, I think it's admirable of her to choose to keep them involved. It's one thing that makes me think she'll be a better mother than hers is -- she takes her commitment to them seriously, she knows who they are as individuals, and she seems to genuinely love them.

As far as her being dependent on them, I'd say we are all dependent on our children to some degree. What would we do without them? I feel like this is one of the areas she can't win, as far as public reaction goes. If she didn't pay much attention to them, she'd be characterized as a cold person who forgot about them the first chance she had. If she keeps them close, she's somehow being unfair to Derick.

Edited April 9, 2015 by JenCarroll

[bybrandy]

I think everybody has to make the decision that is right for them about who is/isn't there for their ultrasound.  I assume that Jill wanted to share that moment with her buddies and I assume that Derick didn't mind.  If he did he could have said. 

The buying pink and blue candies and flowers though and then throwing one set away when the gender is revealed?  That's craziness!

[NEGirl]

I would just hope(crazy of me) that Mack would be put in a Christian kindergarten and Michael in a Christian preschool. It would make things easier for Anna if they were both in school.

[flyingdi]

I doubt they had to throw any of the pink candy with the Duggar kids around. I think they consider candy one of the major food groups.

[JoanArc]

 

Derick knew she had kids from her previous marriage -- Jim Bob and Michelle's.

Did Derrick really know the depth of the buddy system? He seems to be the type that believed the Duggar pr, didn't do the research then, got in over his head. He probably sought out Jim Bob because he's a 'famous' local cristian with a TV show (read: money), used him for funding to Nepal, and got handed a Duggar girl he was near-instantly married to. I don't think there was a lot of time for him to say 'oh, wait, wait, wait Michelle doesn't do anything, these are Jill's kids!'. A lot was hidden/glossed over in the very brief, partially long distance courtship.

[Kcat1971]

Yeah, they're super trendy right now. As a millennial I'm pretty sure it was borne out of our need to constantly record everything and take photos of ourselves in social situations so that we look happier and more popular than we really are. ;)

 

 

Yes, I think you summed it up perfectly.  My daughter & son-in-law just had a gender reveal party last weekend.  When we arrived the house was decorated in pink and blue.  The dessert table was 1/2 pink and 1/2 blue.  Each guest had to choose a pink or blue clothespin to attached to themselves to show which gender we expected to be revealed.  We had to enjoy the pink and blue festivities for an hour before they opened a box containing helium balloons.  (The balloons were blue!) Everything was recorded for posterity sake.

[Literata]

Derick knew she had kids from her previous marriage -- Jim Bob and Michelle's.

 

I was born to my parents later in their lives, and my sister is 20 years my senior. She got married when I was 2, and if she had "abandoned" me (although my parents were nothing like Boob and MEchelle, thankfully), I would have been devastated. I spent a lot of time with her, even after she had her own home.

 

Even though the whole buddy system is, IMO, f-ed up as all get-out, I admire the fact that Jill is still devoted to her buddies, and it doesn't seem as though Derick has any issues with those relationships. Time will tell, I guess.

Edited April 9, 2015 by Literata

[GEML]

My children are 15 years apart, and while they are very much siblings ("stop touching me!") we've always recognized our son is not his sisters caretaker. She does, insist, however, on being flower girl in any wedding! ;)

[3girlsforus]

I would just hope(crazy of me) that Mack would be put in a Christian kindergarten and Michael in a Christian preschool. It would make things easier for Anna if they were both in school.

 

Anna gets all kinds of grief for not taking care of her own kids if Jana shows to help her out, even when we know Jana probably wants a break from the Duggar clan and may very well want to be at Anna's. But she's also considered bad if she doesn't send her very young kids off to preschool for someone else to take care of during the day. She shows no signs of not being able or not wanting to handle her own kids. Why should people hope she sends them off to somewhere else?

[Wellfleet]

Anna gets all kinds of grief for not taking care of her own kids if Jana shows to help her out, even when we know Jana probably wants a break from the Duggar clan and may very well want to be at Anna's. But she's also considered bad if she doesn't send her very young kids off to preschool for someone else to take care of during the day. She shows no signs of not being able or not wanting to handle her own kids. Why should people hope she sends them off to somewhere else?

 

I don't think people are saying they'd like to see Mack and Michael in a day care situation - just so someone else takes care of them. I think they're advocating for a pre-school program of some kind, Christian or not, where they get to know and play with kids who are not their aunts and uncles. In addition to all the other benefits kids derive from nursery school programs.

Edited April 9, 2015 by Wellfleet

[hlemommy]

Long time lurker here, just want to pop in and say that I'm very thankful that baby dilly is healthy. I hope jill let's her baby be normal for awhile.

Edited April 9, 2015 by hlemommy

[Saylii]

Cathy may not have been allowed pregnant visitors, depending on what kind of treatment she was receiving. My dad was going through cancer treatments during the early part of my pregnancy and his nursing staff always brought him into a private waiting room on his floor and never let me go into his room. Precaution, they said. If there were going to be a lot of provisions to the visit, Derick and Jill might have considered it best not to go.

[3girlsforus]

I guess I don't see that they aren't getting interaction with other kids. They seem normal and well adjusted. The idea that formal preschool at age 3 is critical for development is really unfounded. In the DC area preschool is expensive and usually all day primarily because it is used for day care as most families are have two employed parents. 

[Celia Rubenstein]

 

I don't think people are saying they'd like to see Mack and Michael in a day care situation - just so someone else takes care of them. I think they're advocating for a pre-school program of some kind, Christian or not, where they get to know and play with kids who are not their aunts and uncles. In addition to all the other benefits kids derive from nursery school programs.

 

I guess I don't see that they aren't getting interaction with other kids. They seem normal and well adjusted. The idea that formal preschool at age 3 is critical for development is really unfounded. In the DC area preschool is expensive and usually all day primarily because it is used for day care as most families are have two employed parents.

 

While I agree that formal preschool is not essential for every child, I am for anything that will get a Duggerling out in the open air among non-Duggers.  

 

A little peek at the outside world early on might encourage some of those kids to venture out of the paddock one day. 

[Guest]

I don't think it's at all bad that they didn't go tell Cathy in person. Gender reveals are still a pretty new thing.  Most long-distance relatives probably hear it via phone call.  It's part of life that the family that is closer geographically gets to be a part of these minor celebrations more than far-away ones.  If Derick had taken off work to go tell him mom, we'd probably all be criticizing that too.

 

I think they bought pink and blue decorations because most gender reveals I've been to have been decorated in both colors. Then the gender is actually revealed later.  I don't know why they bought the pink candy though.

 

I was happy to see Jill with her buddies. It was sweet.

Edited April 9, 2015 by deaja

[GEML]

From what I understand, Josh and Anna attend a church - there have been comments about Michael being in the nursery - which would mean interaction for them outside of the family. Anna grew up being actively involved in a large, busy church, so I imagine she would take advantage of not only nursery groups but Mommy and Me, Mothers morning out groups and MOPS - all of which would be very popular in her area.

[Wellfleet]

I don't think it's at all bad that they didn't go tell Cathy in person. Gender reveals are still a pretty new thing.  Most long-distance relatives probably hear it via phone call.  It's part of life that the family that is closer geographically gets to be a part of these minor celebrations more than far-away ones.  If Derick had taken off work to go tell him mom, we'd probably all be criticizing that too.

 

I think they bought pink and blue decorations because most gender reveals I've been to have been decorated in both colors. Then the gender is actually revealed later.  I don't know why they bought the pink candy though.

 

I was happy to see Jill with her buddies. It was sweet.

 

While I think it's really very nice that Jill still spends significant time with her "buddies" [Jessa certainly doesn't seem to be doing it with her group] I'm not sure it's a conscious decision on her part. I have to wonder whether she'd still being doing this if she had "real" friends - her own age. Friends who were not members of her family. Other married or even single girlfriends she could get together with for lunch, shopping, crafting parties - anything. 

From what I understand, Josh and Anna attend a church - there have been comments about Michael being in the nursery - which would mean interaction for them outside of the family. Anna grew up being actively involved in a large, busy church, so I imagine she would take advantage of not only nursery groups but Mommy and Me, Mothers morning out groups and MOPS - all of which would be very popular in her area.

 

Stumped again - MOPS? Not finding this one on my "NetLingo" list... :>)

[JenCarroll]

I think (and I do this as much as anyone) that when we are at the point of saying, OK, she's doing the right thing, but she isn't doing it for the right reasons, or OK, she's doing the right thing, but if she had any other choices, she wouldn't be doing it -- we are reaching pretty far for things to criticize her for. I don't know where the line is or should be drawn, but for myself, I think this is a good moment to give some thought to it.

[NEGirl]

Sorry, I should clarify what I ment. I think it would be good for Mack and Michael to be in preschool and kindergarten to be around kids their own age  and play with kids other than their cousins. I did not mean it in any way to be a dumping ground for the kids. 

[3girlsforus]

From what I understand, Josh and Anna attend a church - there have been comments about Michael being in the nursery - which would mean interaction for them outside of the family. Anna grew up being actively involved in a large, busy church, so I imagine she would take advantage of not only nursery groups but Mommy and Me, Mothers morning out groups and MOPS - all of which would be very popular in her area.

This is what I'm saying. We see lots of things that indicate these kids will have different options and more exposure than the Duggar kids. We see their normal behavior. We know they are have nursery at church and as GEML says here other kid groups. We've seen Michael jamming to music with Beats on his head. So I don't think we can assume they will be like original recipe Duggars and be in desperate need for outside communication or be as denied a childhood. 

 

Edited to add... MOPS is an organization called Mothers of Preschoolers. They have groups and activities for mothers of preschoolers (duh) and it's a Christian group so it would be a good match for Anna.

Edited April 9, 2015 by 3girlsforus

[Wellfleet]

This is what I'm saying. We see lots of things that indicate these kids will have different options and more exposure than the Duggar kids. We see their normal behavior. We know they are have nursery at church and as GEML says here other kid groups. We've seen Michael jamming to music with Beats on his head. So I don't think we can assume they will be like original recipe Duggars and be in desperate need for outside communication or be as denied a childhood. 

 

Edited to add... MOPS is an organization called Mothers of Preschoolers. They have groups and activities for mothers of preschoolers (duh) and it's a Christian group so it would be a good match for Anna.

 

Thanks for the MOPS definition. I don't have kids and even my nieces & nephews are all grown-up now. I'm rapidly falling behind on what's what with the "10 and under" set... :>)

[Micks Picks]

Attending a church other than the Dugger church or another following Gothard rules, is a big plus.  Duggerites believe in the kids all being included in the whole church service, no separate kids version.  There is no opportunity given for the kids to be taught by someone outside the family and at the appropriate level of understanding.  They stay with the parents.  How fortunate it is that the parents don't have an adult understanding of issues so the kids won't be bored to tears.

[3girlsforus]

My youngest is almost 12 so I'm heading that way too. I just happened to know that one. And unlike Michele, I'm enjoying not having to know what the 10 and under set is up to :-)