Jaclyn & Ryan R

[Bella]

We're having an excellent discussion of Sean, Davina, and their issues.

In the Jaclyn and Ryan R thread.

Please move further Sean, Davina, bullying, etc. discussion to their thread.

Thanks!

[Jack Sampson]

I have to admit, I'm surprised J&R had sex. I guess the whole "not attracted to him" was part of the storyline because, IRL, I've never seen a woman go from "not at all attracted" to having sex in under 3 weeks unless the guy was extremely rich or had the best coke in town.

[HappilyEverAfter]

welllllll I have been with some very hot guys that fizzled after being around them a few hours. I have also dated a few average guys or not even average guys who by the end of a date were 100% more attractive because of their personality and conversation. Attraction is a wierd thing. Sometimes it is instantaneous and it lasts and increases with further interaction and other times it starts out with a bang and the spark dies out. Pretty much like what I see with Ryan D & Jess Castro and Sean & Davina. Both started out on a high where Ryan & Jaclyn started out on a low  with lots of room to improve and grow which it did.

[Snarklepuss]

I have to admit, I'm surprised J&R had sex. I guess the whole "not attracted to him" was part of the storyline because, IRL, I've never seen a woman go from "not at all attracted" to having sex in under 3 weeks unless the guy was extremely rich or had the best coke in town.

 

When Jaclyn claimed not to be attracted to Ryan I noticed she did her best not to come off like she was turned off by him.  She just said he wasn't what she had pictured and that there was no instant attraction, like she was neutral on him.  She didn't say he was a total turn off.  If she had said that I might agree with you, because if a woman is instantly turned off there's not much hope that she'll turn around, especially in only 3 weeks.  But if a woman is neutral on a guy when she first meets him, turning around in 3 weeks is definitely possible depending on how well the couple hits it off.  It's happened to me in my lifetime.

[cardigirl]

I think Jaclyn was making a fair point of the fact that she is a bit older and doesn't want to be 35 and having her first child. Ryan was saying he's good with waiting til he's 33 or so. It's different for men IMO, and I think he forgot that Jaclyn is older. Waiting a year or two is probably good, but he was saying 5.

My husband did the same thing. He was younger than me, and kept bringing home articles about how it was safe to have your first kid at 35. But he was 26 when our son was born, and a happier dad you could not imagine. (This was 30 years ago.).

I don't think Jaclyn was being out of line, this is just another thing to be negotiated.

But ryan may see it as a get out of marriage card if they cannot figure out a way to be closer to his mom and niece .

[HappilyEverAfter]

My mother had me at 38 . I was the baby of the family. She would have had more if she could have.

[Waterlilly]

I know one thing, the women on Facebook love them some Ryan R! If he ends up single at the end of this, it won't be for long. Relocating is not a problem.

[fabdarling]

I'm about to go pick up Ryan and drive him to his mom's house so he'll stop with his whining already!!!

[girlplease]

Oh, Ryan. I respect that his commitment to his family but damn, man, they're an hour away! I wish I only lived an hour from my family. I do feel him on needing down time, though. Jaclyn is what my mom would describe as a barfly :D  but I like her, she seems like she has a big heart to match that big laugh.

[biakbiak]

I think if his mom was younger and/or it was just her Ryan wouldn't be having these issues but she is a 70 year old cancer survivor raising a pre-teen orphan that he has helped to raise, so there are a lot of layers there.

[girlplease]

That's true, but he has brothers who could help too. He strikes me as overresponsible.

[girlplease]

Eeesh, good point.

[smiley221]

I adore Jacklyn but she is too intense for Ryan R.. Jessica would have been a perfect match for Ryan R.. She would have let him pay for the groceries (lol).    However, the producers matched these couples up to create friction and drama and they succeeded.  They knew that Ryan D. had a temper and that Jessica had a ton of baggage from her last relationships.  It was a recipe for disaster.  Imagine Jessica and Ryan R. matched up.   No drama but not quite entertaining. 

 

Fabdarling, you are hilarious.  I couldn't stop laughing after you made that comment.   Ryan R. was acting like a little kid.  Jacklyn handled Ryan R's withdrawing from her well. 

[biakbiak]

I could totally believe that the money conversations were producer or due to the "experiment" because they don't view their finances as mingled but I don't know why they just didn't split it. I mean I know many couples do things differently but at this point just split your expenses on the things like groceries/things for the house. If one of them wants to treat the other to dinner, drinks or a gift that's cool but basics at this point keep it simple.

[okerry]

Two things here:

 

First, Jaclyn is a huge extrovert and Ryan R is a great big introvert. They're going to have to understand each other on that basis if it's going to work. He's going to need some down time to be alone, while she'll probably want to go party with the girls while he does that. If they ignore this, they're in for a lot of trouble.

 

Second, girlfriend will have to learn that masculine/aggressive energy is fine for the workplace, getting your degree, playing a sport, etc., but it does not work in a male/female romantic relationship. Ryan R did not marry another man. He wanted a woman. This is the time to BE a woman and bring out the feminine. Does she want him bring out his feminine energy and act like a girl when he's with her? Of course not. It works both ways.

 

Always makes me sad to think that behaving in a feminine manner (like letting him pay when he offers) with the man you love is some kind of weakness and degradation. It's nothing of the kind. Gender roles still matter when it comes to marriage and romance, and always will.

[HumblePi]

I just wonder what Jacyln's friends and family think when they watch this as Ryan tells the world that Jacyln wants sex several times a day, he made it sound like she's a woman with va-jay fever and he's not good with that, once a day is enough for him. She's just 'too' everything. Too clingy, too touchy, too loud, too silly, too horny. Ryan has a more laid-back personality and putting aside the logistics problems of being too far from his work, I don't think their personalities are even close to being matched. He wanted a nice hug and she gave him koala bear clinging to a eucalyptus tree for its last meal.

 

[JapMo]

I think I saw last night what I've been saying for a long time....Jaclyn is always "on", and last night we kind of saw how tiring that is for Ryan. He's not just an introvert...he's SUPER introverted. He doesn't like to draw attention to himself and is very very laid back. Jaclyn is like a hurricane coming in to a room. I love her, but I could see him pulling back because she's so in his face. I still maintain she's not that attracted to him, but now it's kind of like a mission for her. She's married, and she's going to make it work come hell or high water. Ryan has alluded several times that he wants it to be a positive experience even if they don't stay together. I think it's not just the location problems that are making him unhappy, but that she's a cool person for a short period of time but not the type of person he wants to be married to for the rest of his life. Oh well, we'll see.

[ElectricCityy]

Jaclyn's personality is just so forced to me. At first I thought she was just putting on a show for the camera's with her OTT laughter but nope, that's just how she is. As an introvert myself, I too would find her exhausting. 

[Neurochick]

I think if his mom was younger and/or it was just her Ryan wouldn't be having these issues but she is a 70 year old cancer survivor raising a pre-teen orphan that he has helped to raise, so there are a lot of layers there.

 

I am confused about this.  Who has custody of the niece?  Why didn't Ryan R do the same as Davina, say that leaving Long Island was a deal breaker?  

 

Always makes me sad to think that behaving in a feminine manner (like letting him pay when he offers) with the man you love is some kind of weakness and degradation. It's nothing of the kind. Gender roles still matter when it comes to marriage and romance, and always will.

 

 

That's because years ago men used that to hold over women's heads.  The old, "I pay for this, I pay for that."  Women learned that whomever controls the purse strings rules the roost.

Edited May 6, 2015 by Neurochick

[CindyBee]

I am confused about this.  Who has custody of the niece?  Why didn't Ryan R do the same as Davina, say that leaving Long Island was a deal breaker?  

 

 

In one of the exclusive clips on the FYI website, Ryan and Jaclyn both said that moving out of their immediate area was a deal breaker.  But they were matched anyway.

 

And the mom has custody of Kayla.

Edited May 6, 2015 by CindyBee

[Neurochick]

In one of the exclusive clips on the FYI website, Ryan and Jaclyn both said that moving out of their immediate area was a deal breaker.  But they were matched anyway.

 

And the mom has custody of Kayla.

 

That's strange.  How come it was only Davina who got to stay where she wanted if the others said relocating was a deal breaker?

[Bella]

I agree about money = power, Neurochick. But I was seeing a situation in which one of them should have conceded right away by tossing off an "I'll get it next time" comment. And if the next time comes around and it's still an issue, they need to talk this out.

[CindyBee]

That's strange.  How come it was only Davina who got to stay where she wanted if the others said relocating was a deal breaker?

 

No clue.   

 

Jaclyn even tweeted something out in support of Davina when Davina was getting trashed online that she too had a deal breaker of leaving New Jersey but she of course didn't say why that wasn't honored and she ended up with some guy from Long Island.   

 

I guess their contract didn't allow them to walk away when they found out about the 80 miles at the wedding reception.  They both had reasons to do so too!

[girlplease]

I agree about money = power, Neurochick. But I was seeing a situation in which one of them should have conceded right away by tossing off an "I'll get it next time" comment. And if the next time comes around and it's still an issue, they need to talk this out.

 

ITA with this. I don't think it's so much about masculinity/femininity as knowing when to quit an unproductive argument.

[Janet Snakehole]

I didn't see any big conflict with the paying for groceries thing, personally. It seemed to be coming from a wanting to do a nice thing for the other person place rather than an undermining place.

I still have the most hope for these two. While Ryan does need to grow up a bit about the being homesick thing, I take that more as him just reaching his limit with cameras, questions, and, yes, even Jaclyn. But that is probably just him needing a tiny bit of space. It was inappropriate to bring it up in front of the family. But I am a huge introvert and can see just hitting a wall in this process and possibly blurting out the wrong thing, which I think is what happened to Ryan. Jaclyn kind of gets it, but was over analyzing it and taking it too much to heart. I think if she also had time to process she would figure it out.

Still gotta give credit to those experts for matching people who live far apart and one being somewhat of a parent figure. Anyone who signs up for the next season after seeing their super matchmaker skills is in for a world of hurt.

[MsPH]

When I was a teen, my father told me to always pay my own way during the early part of a relationship because too often men think that their displays of chivalry entitle them to sex.

 

Well seeing as the sexes seem to be reversed in this relationship, I commend Ryan for insisting he pays. Jaclyn doesn't need any more reasons to use him as her sex toy.

[shopper73]

Ryan is feeling pressured by everything and needs some space in order to move forward with Jaclyn. I think he isn't sure about her for 24/7 forever! As far as his family, that is something they can work out if they stay together. I don't think Jaclyn lived alone, I think she had her own bedroom/bathroom in her parents' house.

[moonxyz]

I predicted since week 1. When people were falling in love with this couple: these is not a good match.

At this point; both are realizing that they settled: Ryan in terms of personality & willingness to move in the basement and Jaclyn in terms of looks. I don't see this working long term. 

[JAndy]

From their SMS accounts,

it sounds like they are together and aren't hiding it.

In his most recent tweets Ryan admitted he was being selfish and not taking her feelings into account. Apparently we have another week of this and then it's good? But who knows.

[JapMo]

From their SMS accounts,

it sounds like they are together and aren't hiding it.

In his most recent tweets Ryan admitted he was being selfish and not taking her feelings into account. Apparently we have another week of this and then it's good? But who knows.

 

I'm really surprised that the couples are tipping their hands so early. Last year you couldn't get any information out of them.

[CindyBee]

From their SMS accounts,

it sounds like they are together and aren't hiding it.

In his most recent tweets Ryan admitted he was being selfish and not taking her feelings into account. Apparently we have another week of this and then it's good? But who knows.

 

 Next week's preview clip on the FYI facebook page is more doom and gloom so it will be interesting to see

when the turnaround for Ryan comes. 

  He needs to put on his big boy pants and start moving forward. 

[JAndy]

Next week's preview clip on the FYI facebook page is more doom and gloom so it will be interesting to see

when the turnaround for Ryan comes.

He needs to put on his big boy pants and start moving forward.

I'm guessing

he will "turn around" after intervention with the "experts"

. When is the season finale?

 

I'm really surprised that the couples are tipping their hands so early. Last year you couldn't get any information out of them.

Eh from SM last year I think it seemed like jamie and doug were together still.

[CindyBee]

I'm guessing

he will "turn around" after intervention with the "experts"

. When is the season finale?

 

 

Dr. C said there are 14 episodes this season.   So six more to go which would put the end on June 16th.  Or June 9th if the 14th episode is that special six month reunion.

[Bella]

Information gleaned from social media should either go into the social media thread or have spoiler tags in order to respect the rights of the spoiler-averse.

 

Thanks!

[heavenly]

Davina's a pharmaceutical sales rep.

As far as the bullying goes A. Are we sure it actually happened? I wouldn't put it past Sean to make it up (or at least play it up) for sympathy. And B. It was a long time ago, get over it.

I think they are sickening.

Dr. C said there are 14 episodes this season.   So six more to go which would put the end on June 16th.  Or June 9th if the 14th episode is that special six month reunion.

oh no. 

[Gigi43]

 This board is the first I'm hearing of Ryan and Jac saying they did say to the show they did not want to relocate. I figured maybe Ryan R was too trusting that his situation would be taken into consideration in terms of travel, or just didn't think it through to state a distance. For all we know Ryan is feeling bad about being away from home, for all we know Kayla is texting him she misses him and stuff and he's not close enough to just pop over for a quick visit, or his mother is saying she's exhausted driving her here and there and stuff, and that's making him feel guilt especially thinking long term. Since Jac was taking longer to warm up and apparently really did not want to leave Jersey on top of that, maybe he's getting afraid she'll move back to Jersey, so he's pulling away to not get hurt because I think he doesn't know what way Jaclyn will go, and maybe he's trying to prevent himself from getting too invested. I think it says a lot about both of them though, if they are getting what they didn't ask for in the distance but are not doing the separate thing like, Sean and Davina, that they're both into this thing/each other.  I just really want to see them work and usually I'm such a cynic but I really want to think their intentions really are more than just some minutes on TV.

[zxy556575]

Filtering everything through the lens of, as usual, me, I'll say that my opinions of Jaclyn and Ryan haven't changed since the casting special. I wouldn't be friends with either of them IRL -- one personality being too much and the other not enough. But I do have a lot more respect for Jaclyn and agree that she's shown the most insight about herself and put in the most sincere effort to try to make her marriage work. I'd go so far as to say that she's the only one out of the six who has acted like an adult about it.

[ElectricCityy]

If I were in Jaclyn's position, I'd be done with Ryan. Her saying "I Do" up at that altar was her giving him a chance. Now, not only is she not physically attracted to him but he is displaying undesirable characteristics. He is acting like a child. While I agree that Jaclyn is too over-the-top, I don't believe that that is Ryan's issue with her. He is running. He looks like a lost puppy. He wants to be back home not because of his niece, not because of his mom, but because he is not ready for this marriage. I do not believe he has ever lived outside of his mom's basement. It is so much easier to blame it all on the commute and Jaclyn's personality but Ryan seems truly lost.

 

And I am willing to chalk this all up to producer driven storyline since they were fine a few episodes ago.

Edited May 16, 2015 by ElectricCityy

[Snarklepuss]

gimi - He lives at home, that certainly helps.  And so do the real estate prices out on the Island, I suppose.

[Bella]

I am consistently baffled by Ryan R being a real estate agent. I imagine a lot of us have dealt with real estate agents - in some communities, you even need them for good rentals. My experience is that they tend to be, or even need to be, much more outgoing than Ryan R seems to be.

 

Had you asked me what he did for a living, I would have said something like an IT professional, some flavor of engineer, h.s. physics teacher, or something else involving math and/or the physical sciences. Never a real estate agent, though. 

[CindyBee]

Jaclyn did say in their latest exclusive clip on FYI's website that he wasn't himself during filming so maybe the cameras and having to be "on" all the time while being fiimed is showing us a side to Ryan that isn't what he is like in "real" life.    And he did say in one of his talking head bits that he always had thought that he had a big personality so maybe he can turn it on while working in the real estate biz.    

[Snarklepuss]

I am consistently baffled by Ryan R being a real estate agent. I imagine a lot of us have dealt with real estate agents - in some communities, you even need them for good rentals. My experience is that they tend to be, or even need to be, much more outgoing than Ryan R seems to be.

 

Had you asked me what he did for a living, I would have said something like an IT professional, some flavor of engineer, h.s. physics teacher, or something else involving math and/or the physical sciences. Never a real estate agent, though. 

 

I might picture Ryan in corporate accounting or something like that.  Although I think he may be one of those introverts with a very developed extroverted side.  A lot of introverts do that to do well in their profession.  Mr. Snarklepuss is an introvert but gets up every day in court and could fool the best of them that he's an extrovert.  I went to school with many introverts who went into teaching or the ministry who appeared like extroverts when on the job.  I myself might have done that but did not feel I could manage that much extroversion on a regular basis.  And Mr. Snarklepuss and my friends who have done this say it's not easy but worth it depending on how they feel about what they're doing.  I read somewhere that Ryan himself thought he was an extrovert but now is having second thoughts.

 

I still say Jaclyn would make any extrovert look like an introvert.  She is just so switched on and in your face all the time.  It's making Ryan shut down when that may not be his natural inclination.

Edited May 18, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[Liberty]

On a more shallow note, Im surprised that Ryan has a BMW as a beginner real estate agent.

Could be mistaken but think Sean also has a BMW and thought Jessica said something about Ryan D having a Mercedes.  German cars may be part of the persona of a reality show star.

 

Today with leasing, and for Ryan R, the possibility it is a business expense, purchase prices are less relevant.

Edited May 18, 2015 by Liberty

[Vinyasa]

He should have spent the money on his teeth. Yes, I'm going to hell...

 

It is definitely a bad cap job, but I have no idea how teeth are capped. I'm sure he could get them redone.

 

He's really a nice looking guy. Doesn't have tattoos like hot headed Ryan (I can't count how many) and Sean. The more I see him, the more I like him. The other two, not at all. The more I see them, the less  I like them!

[Snarklepuss]

Maybe Jaclyn was competing with Ryan for who would take the lead in the bedroom (and the entire relationship) and that's why Ryan felt that she was too much for him.  Perhaps they both acted like they were the one "in control" of the experience and not coming together as equal partners.  That may have been a big turn off to Ryan, who seems to want to wear the pants in the family.  He just seems so traditional and old fashioned to me and Jaclyn is miles more liberated and modern.  She seems to emasculate him at every turn.  I do think both of them are responsible for this situation.  I think they should try to be equal partners, not one more dominant than the other.

[Snarklepuss]

I think sex (and a relationship) can be likened to dancing.  One partner leads and the other follows, or the partners are more or less equal.  It's rare that everything is 100% equal but today women want to be able to lead as much as men.  I have found that the healthiest combination seems to embody both in that the partners take turns leading and following each other and sometimes being just equal.  I think in Ryan and Jaclyn's case they both want to lead and they're getting in each other's way.  I think both of them have to learn to let the other person lead at times and be the follower, but also know when it's OK to lead.  I think Ryan needs to become more comfortable with a woman in the lead and Jaclyn needs to relinquish some control too.

Edited May 19, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[Jellybeans]

I did not know sex was that complicated. LOL.

[JAndy]

They weren't bad tonight.

[Snarklepuss]

Speaking of their personality differences, I'm beginning to think the real difference between Ryan and Jaclyn is that she might be a thinking type and he's a feeling type.  She is always talking very convincingly and rationally about the relationship and seems invested in it based on very neat, orderly rational reasoning in her head, and she expects her feelings to follow that reasoning.  He on the other hand needs to FEEL right about everything first and foremost no matter how rational things can appear in his head.  That's why he said last night that he can't move ahead with a sexual relationship if his feelings for Jaclyn aren't there.  I think it's also why Jaclyn sees Ryan as being more like the "female" in that he needs to FEEL right about the relationship before he can agree to have sex.   It's why she called him "different" - She's probably used to dealing with thinking type men* who make a rational decision and act upon it, not get caught up in confusing feelings.  I think she needed to feel right about it too, but her feelings seem to easily follow her rationalizations.  Once her head was convinced about Ryan her feelings suddenly were able to come out.  He on the other hand seems to go with his messy, mysterious feelings first no matter what his head is telling him.  Even if his head told him Jaclyn was the perfect woman and he just didn't feel it yet, he's not budging until he does.  That's not necessarily a "female" trait, but I can understand why Jaclyn is seeing it that way, because traditionally women have been the ones to put their feelings about a relationship first.

 

ETA: * or at least more intelligent feeling type men with a more developed thinking side.

Edited May 20, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[molshoop]

I still like Ryan R. as much as I did in the first episode and I understand his reactions to Jaclyn.

She did a 180 from "Hey Dude, I'm not into you but we can be buddies and hang out for 6 weeks,as long as I get to control the friendship"  to  " I want to have sex all day long and make babies, but I still need to take the lead as I plan our entire lives together"

Yes, Ryan felt overwhelmed by that sudden change in direction.  I would too.  He wants to be fair to Jaclyn, while giving himself time to see if what he is feeling will grow into love and if she is the one he wants to spend his life with.

I don't find him to be boring.  I think he has a great sense of humor, is self aware and kind.  I do think he was struggling to find the right words to tell J. how he felt without hurting her feelings. And while I agree that he seemed checked out, sometimes you need to get out of your own head for a while before you can think clearly.

Jaclyn didn't have sex for 2 years, because she wanted there to be an emotional connection first. But you can't order someone to be in the same place emotionally as you are, just like you can't order food for them and expect them to love the meal as much as you do.

I don't see him as the stereotypical guy who is living in mom's basement.  He has a job and is probably helping to support his mother and niece financially as well as emotionally.
He is very much like a single parent who also feels a responsibility to his elderly mother while trying to have his own life. I don't think going on this show was the way to do that.